Victory
We don't play for adoration,
We don't play for victory.
We just play for masturbation,
And for Fleet RFC.
Balls to Alresford,
Balls to Alresford.
We won't play you anymore.
We won't play you anymore.
Cause we/you gave you/us a fucking good hiding.
We/you gave you/us a fucking good hiding.
We/you gave you/us a fucking good hiding.
And/But we drank all the beer.
JC
Chorus starts the song and is sung between verses. The verses are not sung in any particular order.
Chorus:
Has anybody seen JC?
Not since Palm Sunday,
Riding on a donkey.
Has anybody seen JC?
Verses
• Jesus Christ,
he's divine,
He turned water into wine.
• Jesus Christ, he
is queer,
Should have turned it into beer.
• Jesus Christ,
he's a hippy,
His mum's a virgin and his dad's a chippy.
• Jesus Christ, he
is cool,
Walked across my swimming pool
• Hands are nailed,
feet are tied
It's hard to boogie when you're crucified.
• Jesus Christ, he
ain't daft
He's got feet like hovercraft.
• Pontius Pilate,
he's a git,
He dropped Jesus in the shit.
• Jesus Christ,
he's divine,
Played scrum-half for Palestine.
• Five small loaves
and some fish,
Feed five thousand, piece of piss.
Wild Rover
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ribena.
Ribena who?
1. I've been a wild rover for many a year
And I spent all my money on whiskey and beer.
Now I'm returning with gold in great store
And I never will play the wild rover no more
I took from my pocket, gold sovereigns bright,
And the landlady's eyes opened up with delight.
She said we have whiskeys and wines of the best,
And the words I have spoken are only in jest.
Chorus
I went to my parents confessed what I'd done,
And I asked them to pardon the prodigal son.
They kissed and caressed me as oft as before,
And I never will play the wild rover no more.
Chorus
And its no, nee, never.
No, nee never, no more.
Well I played the Wild Rover
No never, no more.
2. I went to an alehouse I used to frequent,
And I told the landlady my money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me nay,
Said custom like your I can get anyday.
Chorus
Chorus
Optional verse to give abuse (eg. Lufbra)
I went to a shithouse I used frequent,
And I told the attendant my money was spent.
I asked him for credit, he answered me nay.
He said "If you want to shit, shit on
lufbra".
Chorus
The Army
I don't want to join the Army,
I don't want to go to war.
I'd rather hang around Piccadilly underground
Living off the earnings of a high-class lady.
I don't want a bullet up my arsehole,
I don't want by bollocks shot away (shot away).
I'd rather stay in
(insert location),
In sunny, sunny (insert location)
And fornicate my fucking life away. Cor blimey
On Monday I touched her on the ankle.
On Tuesday I touched heron the knee.
On Wednesday I confess, I lifted up her dress.
On Thursday I saw it, cor blimey.
On Friday, I put my hands upon it.
On Saturday she gave my balls a squeeze.
(Balls a squeeze)
On Sunday after supper (What did you do?)
I rammed the fucker up her
And now I'm paying 4 n 6 a week.
Cor blimey
On Monday I rammed the fucker up her.
On Tuesday I rammed the fucker up her.
On Wednesday I confess, I rammed the fucker up
her.
On Thursday I rammed the fucker up her.
On Friday I rammed the fucker up her.
On Saturday I rammed the fucker up her.
On Sunday after supper (What did you do?)
I watched the American Football.
And then I rammed the fucker up her.
Chicago
Chorus after each verse. Loads of verse sung in a
random manner. Stick your hand up and sing one.
Some example included.
Chorus
I used to work in Chicago, an old department
store.
I used to work in Chicago, I don't work anymore.
Verses
(you'll get the gist all start with:
Leader: A lady came into the store one day asking
for:
• A kitkat.
• Jewellery.
Jewellery from the store.
Jewellery she wanted, pearl necklace she got.
And I don't work anymore.
Jewellery alterations she wanted, ring
enlargement she got.
Donut she wanted, my hole she got.
Hammer she wanted, banged he got
Carpet she wanted, shag she got
Fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got
Meat she wanted, sausage she got
Beef she wanted, pork she got
Pork she wanted, my roastbeef she got
Camel she wanted, humped she got
The rest: A kitkat from the store
Leader: A kitkat she wanted, four fingers she got.
The rest: And I don't work anymore.
• A nail.
A nail from the store.
A nail she wanted, a screw she got.
And I don't work anymore.
• A ruler.
A ruler from the store.
A ruler she wanted, 12 inches she got.
And I don't work anymore.
Paper she wanted, a ream she got
Juicy Fruit she wanted, my Big Red she got
Snap-on she wanted, my strap-on she got
A piano she wanted, my organ she got
Lobster she wanted, crabs she got
Ham she wanted, porked she got
A Hairdryer she wanted, a blow job she got
A Needle she wanted, pricked she got
Linoleum she wanted, laid she got
Fishing pole she wanted, my rod she got
Assistance she wanted, my AIDS she got
Coffee she wanted, my cream she got
Yogi
(Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races")
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, YOGI,
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR.
Yogi's got a little "friend,"
Booboo, BOOBOO,
Yogi's got a little "friend,"
Booboo, Booboo Bear
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE "FRIEND,"
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR.
And similarly:
Yogi's got a "girlfriend,"
Suzi, SUZI
Suzi, Suzi Bear.
Yogi's got an enemy, Ranger, RANGER
Ranger, Ranger Smith
Yogi's got a cheesy knob, cammum, CAMMUM
Cammum, Camembert.
Booboo likes it on the fridge, polar, POLAR
Polar, polar bear.
Yogi hates it up the ass, something,
SOMETHING
Something he can't bear.
Yogi's dick is long and green, cucum, CUCUM
Cucum, cucumber.
Yogi likes to shave his pubes, grizzly, GRIZZLY
Grizzly, grizzly bare.
Booboo's boyfriend has no teeth, gummy,
GUMMY
Gummy, gummy bear
Yogi likes a good beer bust, Lone Star, LONE
STAR
Lone Star, Lone Star Bear
There once was a lassy…
(sung to Scotland the brave)
Lah, Lah, La La Lah. Lah La Lah Lah La La Lah
la La La Lah La La Lah La La Lah Lah La Lah.
There once was a lassy with a black hairy assy.
Singing lah lah etc.
There once was a jockey with an upstanding
cockey who was shaggint the lassy with the black
hair assy. Singing lah lah etc
Wee willy wanky who was wanking in his hakey
Old Mrs Macey who was sitting on the facey of
Wee Willy wanky who was…etc
Dirty Nadine who was flicking her bean at the
sight of Mrs Macey who was….etc
Dirty Randy Spurts who did it 'til it hurts to Dirty
Nadine who was …etc
Old Major Morgan who was playing with his
organ at the sight of Randy Spurts who …etc
at the sight of the jockey with the upstanding
cockey who was …etc