SONGMAN's SELECTION
Beijing Hash House Harriers
HashSongs
March 2004
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH i
Introduction/Foreword
The Hash House Harriers. A drinking club with a running problem.
Or is it the other
way around? Nobody knows for sure. Anyway, the Hash is a special
event, held all
over the world and attended by all kinds of people. It is
organized in about 135
countries, has more than a thousand chapters and the best guess
is that several
hundreds of thousands of people are running it regularly. These
people are the Hash'
assets. All sorts of people, big shots, 'normal' people, simple
souls, everybody can
participate and is taken for whatever he/she is. All are the
same and everybody is
accepted. And that is one of the good things of the Hash. Apart
from the running
naturally, and the chance to see and visit places you might not
see otherwise. This
particularly applies for countryside runs, and around Beijing
there are some good
options in that respect! Fragrant Hills, Ming Tombs, the Great
Wall, and ShiDu not to
forget.
In 1978 I started hashing in Jakarta, continued it in Bandung in
the mid-eighties,
followed up in China (Shanghai, Beijing) as a regular 'visitor'
and the Hanoi Hash as
a 'regular in 2003/2004. My work also brought me to many
different countries in
mainly South and East Asia, and I have been running in about 25
different chapters,
including some in Africa and Europe. I learned the singing
mainly in Indonesia, from
guys like Jacques de Steur (Stir Stick) and Ad de Leeuw (Ad de
Loo), famous R.A.'s
on the Jakarta monday hash in the late seventies and early
eighties. Moreover, I have
picked up some songs here and there, for instance from
Hazukashii at some of the
Interhashes. And finally I have written some songs/verses
myself.
Since we have a mixed Hash, the language used at the circle is
'moderate'. Real foul
language (as we may have experienced for instance in the
Indonesia hashes and/or in
K.L.) is generally not used. We look for the subtle and humorous
dialogue, though a
bit of sex will naturally show up now and then (This is the
Hash, remember!). I have
tried to adhere to this principle in composing this Songbook.
There are many many
songs with subtile and brilliant wording, humourous, a bit
sexual, a bit erotic, and
these have mainly been selected. Typical Hash songs, I would
say. This does not
mean that there are no four letter words here and there,
sometimes (mis)spelled in
five letter words… (in Vietnamese). A Hash songbook without that
just does not and
can not exist. Nevertheless, I hope you all like the songs. If
you don't, just give the
book to somebody else. If you do, please try to learn/memorize
some of the verses,
sothat we can have good community singing, in the circle, in the
bus, or at any Hash
party.
On-On
Songman
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH ii
Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION/FOREWORD……………………………………………………………..………i
1. HERE'S TO … ......................................................................................................................... 1
2. WHY WAS (S)HE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL......................................................................... 1
3. MY ONE SKIN HANGS DOWN TO MY TWO SKIN ....................................................... 1
4. HASH-STONES ....................................................................................................................... 2
5. THEY OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON................................................................ 2
6. ZULU WARRIOR ................................................................................................................... 2
7. RULE BRITTANNIA.............................................................................................................. 3
8. JUNGLE SMELL .................................................................................................................... 3
9. SHORTIES/ONE-LINERS ..................................................................................................... 3
10. AAHLAWETTA .................................................................................................................... 4
11. BACHELOR'S SONG........................................................................................................... 5
12. IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND (same tune) ............................................................ 5
13. SINGING IN THE RAIN ...................................................................................................... 6
14. BALLS TO MR. BANGELSTEIN ....................................................................................... 7
15. I LIKE MY GIN / MY SISTER BELINDA........................................................................ 7
16. DINAH DINAH...................................................................................................................... 8
17. BARNACLE BILL................................................................................................................. 9
18. I DON'T WANT TO JOIN THE ARMY........................................................................... 10
19. IRIAN JAYA ........................................................................................................................ 11
20. MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN...................................................................... 12
21. BALL OF KlRRIEMUIR.................................................................................................... 13
22. LIMERICK.......................................................................................................................... 16
23. THE MAYOR OF BAYSWATER'S DAUGHTER.......................................................... 21
24. ENGINEER SONG.............................................................................................................. 22
25. SUNSHINE MOUNTAIN.................................................................................................... 23
26. THE WILD WEST SHOW................................................................................................. 24
27. AS I WAS WALKING......................................................................................................... 26
28. PIPI....................................................................................................................................... 26
29. BEIJING (WO)MEN........................................................................................................... 27
30. OLD KING COLE............................................................................................................... 28
31. BEIJING, BEIJING............................................................................................................. 29
32. OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM ................................................................................ 30
33. THERE WAS AN OLD FARMER..................................................................................... 31
34. FATHER ABRAHAM.......................................................................................................... 32
35. YOGI BEAR.......................................................................................................................... 33
36. INTERNATIONAL HASH HYMN ................................................................................... 35
References:
1) Jakarta HHH Songbook 1978
2) Petaling Hash House Harriers: 100 Hsh Songs and Monologues,
1990
3) Hazukashii's Favorites, sixth Edition July 2002
4) Hare of the Dog, History, Humour and Hell raising from the
Hash House Harriers, by Stu 'The
Colonel' Lloyd, 2002
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 1
DOWN-DOWN SONGS
1. HERE'S TO …
Here's to the sinner (visitor/shortcutter), (she)'s a blue
(S)he's a bastard through and through
(S)he's a pisspot so they say
and (s)he'll never get to heaven in a long long way
(or: they'll never get to heaven as they went the other way)
Drink it down down down down down down down down down down…..
(Why are we waiting….., could be …)
2. WHY WAS (S)HE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL..
Why was (s)he born so beautiful
Why was (s)he born at all (at all…)
(S)he's no phucking use to anyone
(S)he's no phucking use at all
(S)he may be a joy to his/her mother
but (s)he's a pain in the ass just for us, drink it down, down…
Harriettes version:
Why was (s)he born so beautiful, Why was (s)he born a bitch
(S)he's no bloody use to anyone, (S)he's only got one tit
3. MY ONE SKIN HANGS DOWN TO MY TWO SKIN
Sung to: My Bonnie is Over the Ocean
My one skin hangs down to my two skin,
My two skin hangs down to my three,
My three skin hangs down to my four skin,
My four skin hangs down to my knee.
CHORUS:
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back my foureskin for me, for me.
Roll back, roll back, Please roll back my foureskin for me.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 2
or
My body lies over the ocean, My body lies over the sea.
My father lied over my mother, And that's how they created me.
Drink it
down, down, down. . .
4. HASH-STONES
Sung to: The Flintstones
Hashers, meet the Hashers, they're the biggest drunks in history
From the hashes of Beijing, we're the leaders in debauchery
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years
Watch them as they down a lot of beers
Down, down, down, down, down, down Down, down, down,
5. THEY OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON
" Sung to: My Bonnie is Over the Ocean
They ought to be publicly pissed on,
They ought to be publicly shot,
They ought to be tied to the shithouse,
And left there to fester and rot, Drink it down, down, down. . .
6. ZULU WARRIOR
Aya zooma, zooma, zooma Aya zooma, zooma, HEY
Aya zooma, zooma, zooma Aya zooma, zooma, HEY
Drink it down, you Zulu Warrior,
Drink it down, you Zulu Chief Chief Chief,
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 3
7. RULE BRITTANNIA
Rule Brittania, marmelade and jam
Five Chinese crackers up your asshole,
Bang bang bang bang bang
8. JUNGLE SMELL
Tune: Jingle bells
Jungle smell, jungle smell,
Shitty all the way,
Oh what fun it is to run,
Through the swamps on Saturday.
Jungle smell, jungle smell,
trailing all the way,
All those drunken S.C.B's,
Cursing the whole day.
9. SHORTIES/ONE-LINERS
* This is a down-down song, it isn't very long,
drink it down down down down down down down down down
* What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank….
* she wants it, yeah yeah yeah, she wants it, yeah yeah yeah
* Piss off you pricks/wanks/cunts.. piss off you …..
* Lost control, lost control, lost control….
* Bullshit, bullshit, it all sounds like bullshit to me
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 4
SINGALONG SONGS
10. AAHLAWETTA
Aahlawetta, gentil Aahlawetta, Aahlawetta, je te plumerai
How I love her curly hair, How I love her curly hair,
Curly hair, curly hair, Oooh Aahlawetta etc
How I love her bushy brows, How I love her bushy brows,
Bushy brows, bushy brows, Curly hair, curly hair, Oooh
Aahlawetta etc
How I love her crisscross eyes, How I love her crisscross eyes,
Crisscross eyes, crisscross eyes, Bushy brows, bushy brows,
Curly hair,
curly hair, Oooh Aahlawetta etc
How I love her broken nose, etc
How I love her lubra lips, etc
How I love her two buck teeth, etc
How I love her double chin, etc
How I love her saggy tits, ete
How I love her big pot belly, etc
How I love her moovy crutch, etc
How I love her knobbly knees, etc
How I love her tiny toes, etc
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 5
11. BACHELOR'S SONG
Tune : Traditional
If I were a bachelor, And if I were to marry,
I will marry a Mechanic's daughter, More than any lassie.
For she can screw, I can screw, We can screw together,
Early in the morning, late at night, Screwing one another.
Chorus
In the morning, in the morning. In the morning by the sea,
In the morning, in the morning, In the morning by the sea.
Jockey's daughter - ride
Oil man's daughter - drill
Farmer's daughter – dig
Icecream man's daughter - lick
Banker's daughter - bank
Archer's daughter – shoot
Hashman's daughter - climb
12. IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND (same tune)
If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not Sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby full-back.
Chorus
Oh, he'd find touch, And I'd find touch,
We'd both find touch together, We'd be alright,
In the middle of the night, Finding touch together.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 6
Wing three-quarter…go hard
Centre three-quarter... pass it out
Rugby scrum-half …. put it in
Rugby fly-half…..whip it out
Rugby hooker strike hard
Big prop-forward….bind tight
13. SINGING IN THE RAIN
We're singing in the rain, Just singing in the rain, What a
glorious day, and we're hap, hap, happy again,
Arms out,
A-ZUPADU A-ZUPADU A-ZUPADU, HEY, A-ZUPADU AZUPADUA,
A-ZUPADU, HEY
Hands together,
Thumbs up,
Elbows out,
Shoulders back,
Titties front,
Stomach in,
Ass out,
Knees together,
Right leg up,
Left leg up,
Toes together,
Knees bend,
Chin out,
Nose front,
etc ending with HEADS UP!!
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 7
14. BALLS TO MR. BANGELSTEIN
Balls to Mr. Bangelstein, Bangelstein, Bangelstein.
Balls to Mr. Bangelstein, dirty old man.
He keeps us waiting, while he's masturbating,
So balls to Mr. Bangelstein, dirty old man.
15. I LIKE MY GIN / MY SISTER BELINDA
I like my gin, it helps me get in, But bring me the good old
vino,
I like my vino, It gives me the stand supremo
Chorus: Aye aye aye aye, Si Si Senora, My sister Belinda,
She pissed out the window, All over my brand new sombrero.
I like my whisky, It makes me feel frisky…
I like my beer, it makes me feel queer…
I like the rum, It helps me to come.....
I like the brandy, It makes me feel randy......
I like my wine, it makes me feel fine…
I like the liquor, It helps me come quicker....
I like my cider, it helps me fit inside her
I like my coke, it helps me to poke…
I like my aquavit, it gets me in heat…
I like gin tonic, I come supersonic…
I like my stout, it helps me get out…
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 8
16. DINAH DINAH
A rich girl has a limousine,
A poor girl has a truck,
But the only ride that Dinah gets,
Is when she has a phuck
Chorus:
Dinah, Dinah, show us your leg,
show us your leg, show us your leg.
Dinah, Dinah, show us your leg,
A yard above your knee.
A rich girl has a ring of gold,
A poor girl has one of brass,
But the only ring that Dinah has,
Is the one around her arse.
Chorus
A rich girl uses Vaseline,
A poor girl uses lard,
But Dinah uses axle-grease,
Because her crack 's so hard.
Chorus
I wished I was the diamond ring
On Dinah's pretty hand
Cos every time she wiped her ass
I'd see the promised land
Chorus
A rich girl use wet towel,
A poor girl use a sheet,
But Dinah uses nothing at all,
Leaves a trail along the street.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 9
17. BARNACLE BILL
Who's that knocking at my door? Who's that knocking at my door?
Who's that knocking at my door? Cried the fair young maiden.
I'm Barnacle Bill from over the hill, Said Barnacle Bill the
sailor.
I'm Barnacle Bill from over the hill, Said Barnacle Bill the
sailor.
Why are you knocking at my door? (x3)
Cos I'm young enough & ready and tough.
You can sleep upon the floor. (x3)
Get off the floor you dirty old whore.
You can sleep upon the mat. (x3)
Bugger the mat, you can't phuck that.
You can sleep upon the stairs. (x3)
Bugger the stairs they hav'nt got hairs.
You can sleep between my tits. (x3)
Bugger your tits they give me the shits.
You can sleep between my thighs. (x3)
Bugger your thighs, they're covered with flies.
You can sleep within my cunt (x3)
Bugger your cunt, but I'll phuck for a stunt.
What if we should have a child? (x3)
Smother the bugger and phuck for another.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 10
18. I DON'T WANT TO JOIN THE ARMY
I don't want to join the Army,
I don't want to go to war.
I'd rather hang around, Picadilly underground,
Living off the earnings, Of a high born lady.
I don't want a bayonet up my asshole,
I don't want my bollocks shot away.
I'd rather stay in England, In merry merry England,
And fornicate my phucking life away, Gor Blimey.....
On Monday my hand was on her ankle,
On Tuesday I touched her on the knee,
On Wednesday night, success, I lifted up her dress,
On Thursday I saw it, Gor Blimey...
On Friday I got my hand upon it,
On Saturday night she gave my balls a twitch,
And on Sunday after supper, I rammed the bastard up her,
And now I'm paying forty quid a week, Gor Blimey...
Call up the provincial Territory,
Call up the Navy and the Marines,
Call up my mother, My sister and my brother,
But for phuck's sake don't call me, Gor Blimey...
I don't want to join the Army, etc..
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 11
19. IRIAN JAYA
Tune: Mull of Kintyre
Far have I travelled, And much have I seen,
Had blowjobs from banshees, And screwed things obscene,
Been crippled by Herpes, And things far more dire,
But for the height of perversion, Go to Irian Jaya.
Chorus
Irian Jaya, To be gobbled by natives,
Is all I desire, Oos they practice on blowpipes, In Irian Jaya.
Been rogered in Rio, And poked in Peru,
Had a massage in Manila, And then had a screw,
Been phucked in Llanelli, By a whole male voice choir,
But for the height of perversion, Go to Irian Jaya.
Met a girl in the jungle, With a bone through her nose,
A crack like a mantrap, And as strong I suppose,
A brush like a yardbroom, That is made out of wire,
So be careful of pussy, In Irian Jaya.
The skirt she was wearing, Was made out of grass,
And it barely just covered, The cheeks of her ass,
The erection I had, Just grew higher and higher,
As I followed that lady, From Irian Jaya.
She put down her basket, And grabbed hold of my tool,
Pulled back the foreskin, And started to drool,
Wrapped her lips round it, And I am no liar,
For they still have headhunters, In Irian Jaya.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 12
20. MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN
Tune: My bonnie lies over the ocean
My father makes book on the corner,
My mother makes illicit gin
My sister sells kisses to sailors,
My God how the money rolls in.
Chorus
Rolls in, rolls in, My God, How the money rolls in, rolls in,
Rolls in. rolls in, My God how the money rolls in.
My mother's a bawdy house keeper,
Each night when the evening grows dim,
She hangs out a little red lantern,
My God how the money rolls in.
My cousin's a Harley Street surgeon,
With instruments long, sharp and thin.
He only does one operation,
My God how the money rolls in.
My Uncle Joe is a registered plumber,
His business in holes and in tin,
He'll plug up your hole for a tenner,
My God how the money rolls in,
My brother's a slum missionary.
He saves fallen women from sin,
He'll save you a blonde for a dollar,
My God how the money rolls in.
My Grandad sells cheap prophylactics,
He punctures the teats with a pin,
For Grandma gets rich from abortions,
My God how the money rolls in.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 13
My sister's a barmaid in Sydney,
For a dollar she'll strip to the skin'
She's stripping from morning to midnight,
My God how the money rolls in.
I've lost all my cash on the horses.
I'm sick from the illicit gin,
I'm falling in love with my father,
My God what a mess we are in.
My aunt keeps a girl's seminary,
Teaching young girls to begin,
She doesn't say where they're to finish,
My God how the money rolls in.
21. BALL OF KlRRIEMUIR
Four and twenty virgins, Came down from Inverness,
And when the ball was over, There were four and twenty less,
CHORUS:
Singing balls to your partner, Ass against the wall,
If you can't get shagged on a Saturday night, You never get
shagged at all.
The village cripple he was there, He wasn't up too much,
He lined them up against the wall and shagged them with his
crutch.
The Queen was in the parlor, Eating bread and honey,
The King was in the chambermaid, And she was in the money.
First lady forward, Second lady back,
Third lady's finger, Up the fourth lady's crack.
Officer O'Malley he was there, The pride of all the force,
They found him in the stable, Just wanking off his horse.
Mrs. O'Malley she was there, She had the crowd in fits,
Jumping off the mantelpiece, And landing on her tits.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 14
and Masterbaker was also there, his belly hanging lump
he said I tried to get it up, but all down there feels numb
And Doctor Mike was also there, he brought his instrument
he said "who wants to use it" but he kept it in his hand
There was phucking in the cornfield, phucking in the oats,
Most were doing lassies, But Shirley was doing the goats.
And Ratchucker was also there, a smile upon his face,
the landlady (mis)laid him but she did it with much grace
And Sleaze yes he was also there, his engine running low
he said I'm out of gas, and this will be my final blow
The chimney sweep he was there, But soon he got the boot,
For every time he passed some wind, The room was filled with
soot.
The music teacher he was there, The leader of the choire,
He kicked the boys in their balls, To pich their voices higher.
The Vicar's wife she was there, Dressed in a long white shroud,
Swinging on the chandelier, And pissing on the crowd.
The village doctor he was there, He had his bag of tricks,
And in between the dances, He was sterilizing pricks.
A couple of Hashmen they were there, looking for a phuck
But all the ladies occupied, And they were out of luck.
Little Tommy he was there, He was only eight,
He was to small for the women, So he had to masturbate.
The village magician he was there, Doing his favorite trick,
Pulling his foreskin over his head, And vanishing up his prick.
The Vicar's wife she was there, Back up against the wall,
"Put your money on the table boys, I'm fit to do ye all."
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 15
The village idiot he was there, And in the comer he sat,
Amusing himself by abusing himself, catching it in his hat.
The village butcher he was there, His cleaver in his hand
And every time he turned around, He circumcised the band.
The bride was in the kitchen, Explaining to the groom,
The vagina, not the rectum, Is the entrance to the womb.
The groom was in the parlor, Explaining to his bride,
The penis not the scrotum, Is the part that goes inside.
The village smithy he was there, Sitting by the fire,
Doing abortions by the score, With a red-hot piece of wire.
The smithy's brother he was there, A mighty man was he,
He lined them up against the wall, And shagged them three by
three.
The village economist, he was there, His lid was in his hand,
Waiting for the time to come, When supply would meet demand.
The tax collector he was there, Collecting all his tax,
But the woman who couldn't pay, Were paying on their backs.
The local herder he was there, And he began to weep,
All these willing ladies, And not a single sheep.
The village leper he was there, Sitting on a log.
Peeling off his foreskin, And feeding it to the dog.
The groom was all excited, And racing 'round the halls,
A-stumblin' on his pecker, And tripping over his balls.
And when the ball was over, The maidens all confessed,
Although they liked the music, The phucking was the best.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 16
22. LIMERICK
In the garden of Eden sat Adam,
he patted the butt of his Madam
he squealed with mirth, because on all earth
There were only two balls, and he had them!
Chorus: That was a beautiful (terrible) song
Sing us another one, just like the other one, Sing us another
one, YOU!!
There was a young girl from Assizes,
Whose breasts were of two different sizes,
The left one was small, quite nothing at all,
The right one was large and won prizes.
There once was a lady from Arden,
Who sucked a man off in a garden,
He said, "My dear Flo, Where does all that stuff go?"
And she said, (Swallow hard) - beg you pardon?"
There was a young man from Australia,
Who painted his ass like a dahlia,
The drawing was fine, The color divine,
But the scent--ah, that was a failure.
There once was a pansy in Muscat
he met with an homosexual in Rabat
they quarreled a lot, about to do what
and where, and to whom, and with what??
There was a young trucker named Briard,
Who had a young whore that he hired,
To phuck when not trucking, But trucking plus phucking,
Got him so phucking tired he got fired.
There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said to his girl "You're a tight 'un,"
She said " my dear soul, You're in the wrong hole,
There's plenty of room in the right 'un."
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 17
There was a young girl of Darjeeling
who danced with such exquisite feeling
there was never a sound, for miles around
but fly buttons hitting the ceiling
There was a young sailor named Bates,
Who danced the fandango on skates,
He fell on his cutlass, Which rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates.
There once was a young man from Boston,
Who tried to get laid in an Austin,
There was room for his ass, And four gallons of gas,
But his balls hung outside and he lost 'em.
This lovely young Irish brat
gave birth to a triple, Nat, Pat and Tat
breeding went well, but the feeding was hell
when she found out she had no tit for Tat
An Argentinian macho called Bruno
said "phucking is the only thing I know
a women is fine, a boy is divine
but a llama is numero uno"
There once was a man in Cairo
he transmitted his sperm by giro
his wife in Madrid, she didn't like it
she said: "Goddamned, you come here, now"
here was a young man from Cape Horn
who wished he had never been born
he wouldn't have been, if his father had seen
that the end of his condom was torn
There once was a queen in Bulgaria
whose bush had grown hairier and hairier
till a prince from Peru, who came for a screw
had to hunt for the cunt with a terrier
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 18
There once was a woman from Chester
who said to the man who undressed her
"I think you will find, that it's better behind
as the front is beginning to fester"
There was a young man from Belgrave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
She was missing a tit, And smelled quite a bit,
But think of the money he saved.
there was once was a girl from Decator
who got laid by a big alligator
but nobody knew the results of this screw
as after he laid her, he ate her
There was a young fellow from Kent
who had such a long dick that it bent
to save him the trouble, he put it in double
but instead of coming he went
A scotsmen who lived by the Loch
had holes down the length of his cock
when he had an erection, he'd play a selection
from Johann Sebastian Bach
When her daughter got married in Bicester,
Her mother remarked as she kissed her,
"That fellow you've won, Is sure to be fun,
Since tea he's phucked me and your sister."
There was a young man of Bombay,
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay,
But the heat of his prick, Turned it into a brick,
And eroded his foreskin away.
There was a young lady named Brent,
With a crack of enormous extent,
So deep and so wide, The acoustics inside,
Were so good you could hear when you spent.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 19
There was a young fellow named Bliss,
Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
For even with Venus, His recalcitrant penis,
Would never do better than this.
There was a young lady in Brent,
When her old man's peeker got bent,
She said with a sigh, "Oh why must it die?
Let's fill it with Portland Cement."
The Bishop of Alexandretta
Loved a girl and he couldn't forget her,
So he thought he'd enshrine her, As the Holy Virgina
In the Church of the Sacred French Letter.
There was a young harlot of Crete,
Who was hawking her meat in the street,
Ambling out one fine day, In a casual way,
She clapped up the whole British fleet.
There was a young man from Calleen,
Who invented a phucking machine,
He pulled out the choke, And the bloody thing broke,
And mixed both his balls into cream.
A lady while dining at Crewe,
Found an elephant's dong in her stew,
Said the waiter, "Don't shout, Or wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too.!"
King Louis gave a lesson in class, One time he was sexing a
lass,
When she used the word "Damn",
He rebuked her: "Please ma'am, keep a more civil tongue in my
ass."
There was a young lady trom Dee,
Whose hymen was split into three,
And when she was diddled,
The middle string fiddled, "Nearer, My God, To Thee."
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 20
There once was a fairy named Bloom,
Who took a queer up to his room,
They fought half the night, To see who had the right,
To do what, and which to whom.
There once was a young lady named Dot,
Who lived on pigshit and snot,
When she could not get these, She ate the green cheese,
That she scraped off the sides of her twat.
There once was a fellow from Beverly,
Went in for phucking quite heavily,
He phucked night and day, Ti11 his balls gave way,
But the doctors replaced them quite cleverly.
There was a young lady from France,
Who decided to take just one chance.
For an hour or so, She just let herself go,
And now all her sisters are aunts.
There once was a girl from Hoboken,
Who claimed her cherry was broken,
From riding a bike, On a cobblestone pike,
But it was really broken from pokin'.
There once was a girl named Ann Heiser,
Who claimed no man could surprise her,
But Pabst took a chance, Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Bud-weiser.
The aged Archbishop of Joppa,
Said, "I think circumcision improper,
If the organ is small, But I don't mind at all,
About cutting a slice off a whopper."
And many many more……….
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 21
23. THE MAYOR OF BAYSWATER'S DAUGHTER
The Mayor of Bayswater, he just had a pretty daughter,
but the hairs on her dicky-di-doo, Hang down to her knees.
Chorus
And the hairs, And the hairs, And the hairs on her dicky-di-doo,
Hang down to her knees, One black one, one white one,
And one with a bit of shite on, And the hairs on her
dicky-di-doo
Hang down to her knees.
I've smelt it, I've felt it, It's just like a piece of velvet,
I've seen it, I've seen it, I've lain right in between it
If she where my daughter, I'd tell her to cut them shorter,
I've licked it, I've kissed it, It tastes like a chocolate
biscuit,
She lives on a mountain, And pisses like a bloody fountain,
She went to Glamorgan, Her crack's like a barrel organ,
I've stroked them, I've poked them, I've even rolled them up and
smoked
them,
She slept with a demon, Who washed her down with semen,
She went with a HashHouseHarrier who fucked 'r but wouldn't
marry her,
She married an Italian with balls like a big black stallion,
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 22
24. ENGINEER SONG
An engineer told me before he died, Ah-hum, titty-bum,
titty-bum, tittybum,
An engineer told me before he died, Ah-hum, ah-hum,
An engineer told me before he died, I have no reason to believe
he lied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum, Ah-hum, titty-bum,
titty-bum,
titty-bum.
He had a wife with a crack so wide, Ah-hum etc.
He had a wife with a crack so wide, Ah-hum etc.
He had a wife with a crack so wide, That she could never be
satisfied,
Ah-hum etc.
So he built this thing with a bloody great wheel,
Two balls of brass and a prick of steel.
The balls of brass he filled with cream,
And the whole fucking thing was driven by steam.
He tied her legs to the foot of the bed,
Tied her hands up over her head.
She lay there demanding a fuck,
He shook her hand and wished her luck.
'Round and 'round went the bloody great wheel,
In and out went the prick of steel.
Up and up went the level of steam,
Down and down went the level of cream.
'Till at last the maiden cried,
Enough, enough, I'm satisfied.
Now we come to the tragic bit,
There was no way of stopping it.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 23
She was split from ass to tit,
And the whole fucking thing was covered in shit.
It jumped off her, it jumped on him,
And then it buggered their next of kin.
It jumped on an uptown bus,
And the mess it made caused quite a fuss,
The last time, Sir, that prick was seen
It was over in England fucking the Queen,
There is a lesson to the story I tell,
If you see it coming better run like hell.
Nine months later a child was born,
With two brass balls and a bloody great horn.
The moral of this story is mighty clear.
Don't ever fuck with an engineer.
25. SUNSHINE MOUNTAIN
Tune: Sunshine Mountain
We're climbing up the Sunshine Mountain,
Where the North Wind blows...Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!
We're climbing up the Sunshine Mountain, Faces all a-glow...
Eee-Eee-
Eee!(tweak cheeks)
So turn your back on trouble, (turning)
And hold your hands up high, (hands in air)
We're climbing up the Sunshine Mountain,
You and I (pointing), You and I (pointing)
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 24
26. THE WILD WEST SHOW
CHORUS: We're off to see the Wild West Show, The elephant and
the
kangaroo-o-oo, Never mind the weather, as long as we'r together,
We'r off
to see the WildWestShow.
LEADER: Ladies and gentlemen, in the first cage we have the
laughing
hyena. PACK: The
laughing hyena? Fantastic! Incredible!
No shit! Tell us about the mother fucker!!
LEADER: This animal lives up in the mountains and once every
year he
comes down to eat. Once every two years he comes down to drink,
and
once every three years he comes down for sex. What the hell he
has to
laugh about I don't know.
The
Giraffe:
This creature is the most popular animal in the animal
kingdom. Why? Every time he goes into a bar he says, "Gentlemen,
the
high-balls are on me."
The
Orangutang: This animal lives in
the deepest jungle, and his scrotal
sac is so pliant and flexible that as he swings from branch to
branch his
balls go ORANG-U-TANG, ORANG-U- TANG.
The
Arse-trich: This animal, at the
first sign of danger,
buries its head in the sand and whistles through the 'hole of
the afternoon.
The
Famous
Oooh-Aaah Bird: The male of this
species, ladies and
gentlemen, resides at the North Pole while the female resides at
the South
Pole. At the appointed season the male Oooh-Aaah flies south and
the
female Oooh-Aaah flies north, until they meet at the Equator,
whereupon
one can here them call, "Ooooooooooh-Aaaaaaaaaah! "
The
Rhino-sauras: This animal, ladies
and gentlemen, is reputed to be the
richest in the world. Its name is derived from the Latin A
"rhino" meaning
money, and "sore ass" meaning piles; hence, piles of money.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 25
The
Keerie
Bird: This bird lives only in the
Antarctic, and every time it
lands on the ice it says, "Keerie, Keerie, Keeriest, it's cold!"
The
Leo-pard:
Yes, folks, the leopard has one spot on its coat for every
day of the year. What about leap year? George, lift up the
leopard's tail and
show the lady the 29th of February.
The
Winky
Wanky Bird: Folks, by some
mystery of nature, the nerves of
this bird's eyelids are connected to its scrotum. Every time it
winks, it
wanks, and every time it wanks, it winks. Hey you, boy, stop
throwing
sand in the bird's eye!
The
Ele-phant:
The elephant has an enormous appetite. In one day it eats
two tons of hay, one dozen bunches of bananas, and twenty
buckets of
rice. Madam, please don't stand too near the elephant. Madam?
Oh, dear
God! George, get the shovel!
The smart
polarbear sitting on its Iceberg:
A most uncommon animal,
ladies and gentlemen. This smart polar bear sends its daughter
to a private
school on the North Pole, and its son to a private school on the
South Pole,
and it slides up and down on the iceberg to keep its privates
cool.
The WheFuck-Awee tribe. The Fuck-Awee tribe are found in the
grasslands of Africa. They are this short, and the grass is this
tall, so the
tribe wanders through the grass calling Whe THE FUCK A WE? Whe
THE FUCK A WE?
The
Gay-zelle:
This pretty little four-footed animal you see on your right,
ladies and gentlemen, has the peculiarity that every time it
leaps from rock
to rock it farts, and the scientists are still trying to
determine whether it
farts because it leaps or whether it leaps because it farts.
The
Well-Known Oolie-Goolie Bird:
This bird, as you will observe if you
look carefully at it, has no legs, and is called what it is,
l&g, because when
the male of the species comes in to land you can hear him cry,
"Ooh, me
goolies! Ooh, me goolies!"
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 26
27. AS I WAS WALKING
As I was walking through the wood,
I shat myself, I knew I would.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so I shat myself again.
As I was walking through Saint Pauls,
The vicar grabbed me by the balls.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he grabbed my balls again.
As I was walking through St. Giles,
Some bastard grabbed me by my piles.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he grabbed my piles again
As I was walking down the street,
A whore grabbed me by the meat.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so she grabbed my meat again.
As I lay sleeping in the grass,
Some bastard rammed it up my ass.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he rammed it up again.
28. PIPI
My pipi is so big, So big my pipi is
If pipi is not big, It not my pipi is
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 27
29. BEIJING (WO)MEN
(ladies one verse, men one, etc)
Beijing men, they play one,
They think they have all the fun.
Chorus: With a knick knack,
paddy whack, give themselves a
bone, Beijing men have sex alone.
Beijing men, they play two,
They can't get it up to screw.
Beijing men, they play three,
They think they get sex for free.
Beijing men, they play four,
They can't get it up to score.
Beijing men, they play five,
They don't have enough sex drive
Beijing men, they play six,
Little men with little dicks.
Beijing men, they play seven,
Masturbation is their heaven.
Beijing men, they play eight,
They can't get their dicks in
straight.
Beijing men, they play nine,
They take theirs up from behind.
Beijing men, they play ten,
Little boys who think they're men.
Beijing women, they play one,
They don't know how to get it on.
Chorus: With a knick knack,
paddy whack, give themselves a
tickle, Beijing women use a
pickle.
Beijing women, they play two,
They say, "No, I've got the flu."
Beijing women, they play three,
They say, "Now I've got to pee."
Beijing women, they play four,
They say "No, who's at the door?"
Beijing women, they play five,
They cut your dick off with a
knife.
Beijing women, they play six,
Never satisfied with our pricks.
Beijing women, they play seven,
Life without sex sure is their
heaven.
Beijing women, they play eight,
Always seem to have a headache.
Beijing women, they play nine,
Their sex lives are in decline.
Beijing women, they play ten,
If they were better looking they
might get some men.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 28
30. OLD KING COLE
Tune: Old King Cole
Old King Cole was a merry old soul, a merry old soul was he,
He called for his wife, In the middle of the night,
And he called for his fiddlers three, Now every fiddler had a
fine fiddle.
And a very fine fiddle had he, Fiddle in the middle, in the
middle, Said the
fiddlers, very fine men are we,
Chorus
There's none so fair as can compare, With the boys of the
Beijing Hash,
How's your father ? allright!
How's your mother ? half tight!
How's your sister ? she might!
Farce, farce, stick it up your arse,
Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he.
Now every juggler had a fine ball, And a very fine ball had he,
Juggle with your balls in the air, Said the jugglers,
Fiddle in the middle, in the middle,
Said the fiddlers, etc...
Now every painter had a fine brush,....
Slap it up and down, up and down,etc...
Now every butcher had a fine block,...
Chop it on the block, on the block,etc.
Now every tailor had a fine thread,..
Weave it in and out, in and out,etc..
Now every coal man had a fine sack,..
D'ye want it in the front or the back,
Now every barmaid had a fine candle,..
Pull it out, pull it out, pull it out,
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 29
Now every flautist had a fine flute..
Root-diddly-oot-diddly oot,..........
Now every cyclist had a fine pedal,..
Round and round, round and round,....
Now every horseman had a fine saddle,
Ride it up and down, up and down,....
Now every carpenter had a fine hammer,
Bang away. bang away, bang away,......
Now every surgeon had a fine knife,...
Cut it round the knob, make it throb,.
Now every fisherman had a fine rod,...
Mine is six feet long, six feet long,.
Now every huntsman had a fine horn,...
Wake up in the morn with the horn,....
31. BEIJING, BEIJING
Beijing, Beijing
Wonderful place to be
We like hashing
So you all follow me
Our skies are never clear
But we have Beijing beer
We like to drink, our singing stinks
On-On to the Beijing Hash
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 30
32. OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM
Old Macdonald had a farm, EeA, EeA oh.
And on that farm he had some cows, EeA, EeA, oh,
And the cows were cowing it here, and the cows were cowing it
there,
Cowing it here, cowing it there, cowing everywhere,
And Old Macdonald had a farm, EeA, EeA, oh.
Rams...: And the rams were ramming it here, ramming it there,
Bulls...: And the bulls were bulling it here...
Turkeys... And the turkeys were gobbling it here...
Geese... And the geese were goosing it here...
Chicks.. And the chicks were pulling it here...
Sheep... And the sheep were shedding it here...
Cows: boo boo here, boo boo there
Dogs: woef woef here,
Cats: mauw mauw here
Pigs: ngakk ngakk here
Horses: hi hi here
Goats: beh beh here
Chickens: tok tok here
Monkeys: wohoehoehoe, Etc.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 31
33. THERE WAS AN OLD FARMER
There was an old farmer who sat on a rock,
Shaking and waving his big hairy....
Fist at the ladies next door at the Ritz,
Who taught the young boys to play with their....
Kite strings and marbles and all things galore,
Along came a young lady who looked like a...
Decent young lady, but walked like a duck,
She thought she'd invented a new way to....
Bring up the children, to sew and to knit,
The boys in the stables were shovelling....
Utter and paper from yesterday's hunt,
And old farmer Potter was having some....
Cake in the stables and singing this song,
If you think that it's dirty, YOU'RE FUCKING WELL WRONG!
Chorus: Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses,
Covered all over from head to toe, Covered all over in SHIT,
SHIT, SHIT!
Suzanne was a lady with plenty of class,
She knocked the boys dead when she wiggled her...
Eyes at the fellows, as girls sometimes do,
To make it quite plain that she wanted to....
Go for a walk or a stroll through the grass,
And hurry back home for a nice piece of....
Ice cream and cake and a slice of roast duck,
And after this meal she was ready to....
Go for a walk or a stroll on the dock,
With any young man with a sizeable....
Roll of green bills, and a pretty good front,
And if he spoke softly she'd show him her....
Little pet dog who was subject to fits,
And maybe let him grab ahold of her....
Little white hand with a movement so quick,
And then she'd lean over and tickle his....
Chin while she showed what she once learned in France,
And ask the poor fellow to take off his....
Coat while she sang of the Mandalay shore,
For whatever she was, Suzanne was no WHORE!
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 32
34. FATHER ABRAHAM
(Good warmup song
when it's cold or while waiting to run.)
Chorus: Father Abraham had seven sons.
And seven sons had Father Abraham.
And he never laughed, And he never cried,
All he did was go like this.'
With a left. (Hold left arm out, moving hand to vertical and
back again,
and sing chorus while doing)
(Stop moving arm and drop to side, then start over.)
With a left, (Start moving left arm again.)
And a right. (Start moving right arm in same fashion at same
time as left,
then sing chorus again while doing so. This goes on adding:
With a left, And a right, And a left (Start moving left leg back
an forth to
side along with the arms.)
With a left, And a right,
And a left, And a right, (Now you are doing jumping jacks)
(Repeat the limb positions, then:)
And a Hooh! (Thrust out your butt, do chorus with the jumping
jacks,
shouting "Hooh!" and doing the butt thrust after "Father Abraham
and at
the end of each line except the last.)
(Repeat the previous positions, then:)
And a Hah! (Thrust your pevis forward and ending with the chorus
like
this:)
Father Abraham (Hooh! Hah!) had seven sons (Hooh! Hah!)
And seven sons had Father Abraham (Hooh! Hah!) And he never
laughed
(Hooh! Hah!), And he never cried (Hooh! Hah!)
All he did was go like this- (Thrust out your butt, grab your
ankles, and
make a loud farting noise.)
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 33
35. YOGI BEAR
In the forest lives a bear, Yogi, Yogi,
In the forest lives a bear, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Yogi, Yogi Bear, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
In the forest lives a bear, Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Yogi has a little friend, Boo Boo, Boo Boo,
Yogi has a little friend, Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear.
Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear, Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear.
Yogi has a little friend, Boo Boo, Boo.Boo Bear.
Yogi likes candy, Gummy, Gummy, Yogi likes candy, Gummy, Gummy
Bears.
Gummy, Gummy Bears, Gummy, Gummy Bears. Yogi likes candy,
Gummy, Gummy Bears.
Yogi has a girl friend, Susie, Susie
Yogi has a girl friend, Susie, Susie Bear...etc.
Susie likes it on the fridge, Polar, Polar,
Susie likes it on the fridge, Polar, Polar Bear.. .etc.
Susie likes it up the arse, Dirty, Dirty,
Susie likes it up the arse, Dirty, Dirty Bear...etc.
Yogi's into whips and chains, Kinky, Kinky,
Yogi's into whips and chains, Kinky, Kinky Bear...etc.
Susie has a shaven snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly,
Susie has a shaven snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly Bear...etc.
Yogi has a cheesy dick, Camenbeart, Camenbeart,
Yogi has a cheesy dick, Camen, Camenbeart..etc.
Yogi uses condoms Clever, Clever,
Yogi uses condoms Clever, Clever Bear...etc.
Susie had a little cub, Bastard, Bastard,
Susie had a little cub, Bastard, Bastard Bear...etc.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 34
Susie asks for money, Hooker, Hooker,
Susie asks for money, Hooker, Hooker Bear...etc.
Yogi likes to role his on, Smokey, Smokey,
Yogi likes to role his on, Smokey, Smokey Bear...etc.
.
Boo Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala,
Boo Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala Bear.. .etc.
Yogi's got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy,
Yogi's got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy Bear.. .etc.
Yogi's got a twelve inch cock, Lucky, Lucky,
Yogi's got a twelve inch cock, Lucky, Lucky Bear...etc.
Boo Boo says he1s got one too, Liar, Liar,
Boo Boo says hers got one too, Liar, Liar Bear...etc.
Susie likes it twice a day, Horny, Horny,
Susie likes it twice a day, Horny, Horny Bear...etc.
Susie sleeps in any bed, Teddy, Teddy,
Susie sleeps in any bed, Teddy, Teddy Bear...etc.
Yogi doesn't wipe his butt, Browny, Browny,
Yogi doesn't wipe his butt, Browny, Browny Bear...etc.
Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool, Wanker, Wanker,
Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool, Wanker, Wanker Bear...etc.
Yogi's got an enemy, Ranger, Ranger
Yogi's got an enemy, Ranger, Ranger Smith...etc.
Ranger puts a hole in it, Naughty, Naughty,
Ranger puts a hole in it, Naughty, Naughty Boy...etc.
Ranger likes the animals, Beastial, Beastial,
Ranger likes the animals, Beast-i-al-i-ty...etc.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 35
CLOSING SONG:
36. INTERNATIONAL HASH HYMN
Sung to: Swing Low
WORDS/ACTIONS:
Swing low, sweet chariot, Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot, Coming for to carry me home.
I looked over Jordan and what did I see,
Coming for to carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.
If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I'm coming too,
Coming for to carry me home.
Other variations Humming, Silent Motions, Double time.
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 36
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 37
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 38
Songman's Selection
Beijing HHH 39