The End Of My Old Cigar
Twenty years ago the landlord of The Star
Said "Here you are, young fellow-me-lad, here's a ninepenny cigar.
I smoked it up to Easter, and then my horrible wife
Said, "Put the nasty thing away. You'll need it the rest of your life."
The end of my old cigar, tra-la, tra-la, tra-la.
I walk down Piccadilly, I'm a regular lah-di-dah.
I may not be good looking, nor look like a movie-star,
But I tickle the ladies' fancy with the end of my old cigar.
Ten years ago, while in my surgery,
In comes a young woman, and this she says to me:
"Oh, Doctor, vaccinate me in a place that will not show."
"I'll vaccinate you, Gertie, what-ho, what-ho, what-ho!"
With the end of my old cigar, tra-la, tra-la, tra-la,
I vaccinated Gertie. Well, you should have seen the scar!"
Now whenever she gets out of a bus or into a motor-car
She says, [falsetto] "Look what the Doctor did to me with the end of his old
cigar!"[/falsetto]
Five years ago, while serving overseas,
I saw the German enemy and my blood began to freeze.
The Sergeant said, "Here's tin-hat, my lad,
Now put it upon your head."
I said, "If it's all the same to you, I'll put it down here instead!"
Oh, the end of my old cigar, tra-la, tra-la, tra-la,
I saved my manly virtue and the end of my old cigar.
The wife was carrying on
With some of the lah-di-dah
But I was doing a trade of me own
With the end of me old cigar!
CHORUS:
Oh! The end of me old cigar
Tra-lah! Tra-lah! Tra-lah!
I was doing a trade of me own
With the end of me old cigar!
One evening after supper
Into my surgery
Come a lady with a vaccination plea!
She says vaccinate me doctor
But please don't leave a scar
So I vaccinated Gurtie
With the end of me old cigar!
CHORUS:
Oh! The end of me old cigar
Tra-lah! Tra-lah! Tra-lah!
I vaccinated Gurtie
With the end of me old cigar!