Barsted (sic) King Of England
A Pub song about Richard III
The minstrels sing of an English king
Of many long years ago
'Who ruled his land with an iron hand
Though his morals were weak and low.
His only outer garment was a dirty yellow shirt
With which he tried to hide his hide
But he couldn't hide the dirt
CHORUS:
He was dirty and lousy and full of fleas
But he had his women by two's and three's !
God bless the barsted king of England.
The Queen of Spain was an amourous Jane
A lascivious wench was she
Who loved to play in a royal way
With the king across the sea!
She often sent a message by a royal messenger
To ask the king to come and spend a night or two
with her.
The king he had a rival bold
His name was Philip of France
Who swore he'd stop this carrying on
By the seat of his royal pants.
So off he sent straightway to Spain
To steal the Queen away
And foil the king with a royal ring
All on a summer's day.
When the news of this foul deed was heard
Within the royal halls
The king he swore by the shirt he wore
He'd have his rival's neck.
So he (straightway) sent for the duke of zippaty
Zap
Who had a dose of the Clippity Clap
To pass it on to Philip of France
And all on a summer's day.
The Queen grew very wary when she next saw
Philip of France
She decided that the Frenchman
Had gone and lost his chance.
(So) she straightway called the king
And offered him her hand
And the sound of wedding bells
Was heard throughout the land.
They had a royal wedding
All his subjects wished him well
The dancers danced without their pants
And so did the king as well
His only outer garment was a dirty yellow shirt
With which he tried to hide his hide
But he couldn't hide the dirt!