a) The Landlady's Daughter!
If you've never been the lover
Of a landlady's daughter
Then you can't have another piece of pie!
b) Slap Dab
Now I'm a very handy man
To save a bit of poke my plan
Last week I says to my wife
Our yard needs a wash upon my life
So I'll go and do the job
And I did so help me Bob
Got a pail of whitewash set to work
And the old girl helped me like a Turk!
Oh slap dab! slap dab !
Up and down the brickwork
Slap dab all day long
In and out the corners
Round the jolly horners
We were a pair of fair clean gorners
Slap dab! slap dab!
With a whitewash brush
Talk about a fancy ball
I put more whitewash on the old woman
Than I did upon the garden wall!
c) Nine Inch Nails
On Monday I don't go to work
On Tuesday I stay at home
Wednesday I feel ill
And work's the last thing I feel like
Thursday is a holiday ,
And Friday I detest
Saturday is too late in the week
And Sunday's a day of rest
I don't not know no one who don't want no nine inch nails
I don't now know no one who don't want no nine inch nails
I know the King, I know the Queen, I know the Prince of Wales
But I don't now know no one who don't want no nine inch nails.
d) MY DAUGHTER'S WEDDING DAY
As today is my daughter's wedding day
I think I'll give ten thousand pounds away!
On second thoughts I think it best
To put it back in the old oak chest.
e) THE POOR YOUNG GIRL
A parody by the American comedian Charlie Case.
There was once a poor young girl who lived in the country
And she came to the city to seek employment.
She left her home in the country because the wolf was at the door
And her father had fallen down and hurt his knee!
Just before she came to the city her boyfriend whose name was Jack
Said to her "I feel you might not be true!"
So he made her a promise him before she got onto the train
That every night at eight o'clock she would burst into tears.
She came to the city and was riding on an omnibus
When a man got up and offered her his seat.
She refused his offer with scorn for she saw that he wore a ring
And for all she knew he could be a married man.
Then up came the driver and said "I knew you would be true!"
And tore off his false whiskers and it was Jack.
And that day she received a telegram saying that her father's knee was better!
And that an aunt had died and left her a substantial amount of money!