jhf fighter pilot
say what you will about him; arrogant,
cocky, boist£roub,
and a fun loving fool to boot. he has
earned his place in the sun,
across the span of fifty years
he has given this country some of
its proudest moments and
most cherished military traditions,, but
fame is short-lived
and little the world remembers. almost forgotten
are the woo
fighter pilots who stood alone against the might of
hitler s
germany during the dark summer of 1w and in the words
of sir
winston churchill gave englanff 'its finest hour. gofle from
the hardstands of duxford are the 51's with their checkerboard
noses
that terrorized the finest fighter squadrons the
luftwaffe had.
dimly remembered-the mth fighter group that
gave americans some of
their few proud moments in the skies
over korea. how fresh in
recall are the air commandos who
valiently struck the vc with their
aging 'skyraiders in the
rain and blood-soaked vallye called
a shau? and how long will
be remembered the phantoms' and the
thuds' over 'route pack
six and the flack filled skies above ^
hanoi? barrel roll,
steel tiger, and tally ho, so here s a nickle
on the grass7
to you, my friend, for your spirit, enthusiam,
sacrifice, and
courage-but most of all to your friendship, yours is
a dying
breed and when you are gone-the world will be a lesser place,
friar tuck
and that my friends is what this songbook is all
about. i
would like to give thanks to all thosewho
contributed their
time and effort in helping produce this
songbook.
cheers and check six,
jiffy jeff
1
index
the air force song. ....... 3
come and join the
air force . , . 3
throw a n1ckle on the grass . . . m
red
river valley.........5
the mouse............ . b
the
duchess ,..........6
tchepone.............7
the aggressors..........8
the only man...........3
the air force lament. . . . , . .9
the day of the eagle.......9a
on top of the pop up. ..... .10
will the migs come out to play. .10
fighter pilots toast.......10
I ve been everywhere.....• • 14
yankee air pirate ....... .11
pop goes the weasel.......11
give me operations....... ,1/
I fly the line........12a
armed recce..........12b
there
are no lighter pilots . , .13
ghost fuckers in the sky.....1*1
son of sctan s angees......l'l
jolly, jolly england. ..... .ifl
strafe the town........ ,15
sammy small.......... .15
you
can tell a fighter pilot. . .16
tiptanks and tailpipes......16
noncombatant assholes......16
springtime at duchi ....... 16
battle hymn...........17
horseshit....... . . , . .17
fireman sonb......... ♦ .17
kotex song. ...........13
last night........... .18
little town of bethlemen. . . . . 13
joy to the world. ....... .18
cold winter s evening ...... 19
lupie ..............13
sally in the alley........l9
lupie-version
hz.........20
there was a little bird.....20
mary ann
bruns. .........21
nelly darlt^'c-...........?a
I love my *!fe..........u
twelve days of christmas.....%1
o'leary s ii.lls..........21
I fucked a dead whore, ..,,,.??
the one-eyer: trouser snake ... .22
the aggressor tdy song......£3
the flag...........■ . .23
you can t 5 ay shit hot......15
has anyone seen my lord. . ... .23
g suits jvd parachutes.....al\
six pounds of boobies.......g'l
lee's hooc.-ie...........?{1
do your ba.^s hang low......?5
sixteen tp'es...........*5
my husbands a colonel.......26
swing low, sweet chariot.....£6
the wood -s-l^er song.......27
the hairs ca her diki-di-do, . . .?/
the music m*'............2/
sing us another one do .... . .?9
the basta^r king of england, . . .28
madeline sc-.*-dr.........33
would you _>'e to sit on my
face . 3fj
the scotch -edding........35
my girl..............35
clementine ...........36
dixie...............35
waltzing
matilda.........37
the streets ?c laredo.......37
the wild
west show......, . 38
bless em all...........33
itazuke to'*e*. ..........39
the old bazaar in cairo. , . . . . u
ih an asshcle..........u
dear mom ............. ii
gang bang.............42
flickering */-tch.........%
the f-4k soc«g.......... ,%
parties make the world goe round .'13
I am eagle.............^4
the air forcf song
off we go, into the wild blue yonder,
climbing high into the sun.
here they come zooming to meet
our thunder, at em boys, give her the gun.
down we dive,
spouting our flame froh under, off with one hell of a roar,
we live in fame, or go down in flame, nothing cam sw» the u, s.
air forle,
minds of men fashioned a crate of thunder, sent it
high into the blue,
hands of men blasted the world asunder:
how they lived, god only knew.
souls of men dreaming of skies
to "conquer, gave us win6s over to soar,
with scouts
before and bomber galore, nothing can stopthe u, s. air force.
here's a toast to the host of thobe who love the vastness of the
sky.
to a friend we send a message of his brother men who
fly.
we drink to those who gave their all of old, then down
we roar to score the
rainbow s pot of gold.
here's a toast
to the host of the men we boast: the u.s. air force.
off we
go into the blue sky yonder. keep your wings level and true.
if you'd live to be a gray-haired wonder, keep your nose out of
the blue.
flying men guarding our nation's borders, we ll
be^there followed by more.
in echelon we carry; on. nothing
can stp£ the u.s. air force!
come afld join the air force
come and join the air force, we're a happy band they say,
we
never do a lick of work, just fly around all day,
while
others work and study hard and scon grow old and blind,
you
ll take to the air -without a care and you will never mind.
chorus: you'll never mind, you'll never mind
oh, come and
join the air force, and you will never mind!
promotions come
tfpon you just as high as you desire,
you re riding on the
gravy train when you re an air force flyer
but just when you
re about to be a general, you'll find
the engines cough, the
wings falls off, and you will never mind.
one day you'll loop
and spin her with an awful tear,
you ll find yourself without
your wings but you will never care,
for in about two minutes
more another pair you ll find.
you ll fly with *ete and his
angels sweet and you will never mind.
you're flying across
the ocean when you hear your engine spit,
you see the prop
come to a stop, the goddamn engine s quit.
the ship won't
float, you cannot swim, the shore is miles behind,
you ll be
a dish for happy fish, but you will never mind.
i'm flying in
my f"86 along the yalu shore.
I m loyal to the air force, but I m rotten to the core.
I ve only got one engine jack and if the bastard ouits,
it
will be up there all by itself, cause I m the kind that gits.
maybe you'll ride the gravy train in administrative work,
let
other guys light up the skies,why should you be a jerk.
you
ll meet that higher officer to whom you ve been assigned,
with your nose in place, and I don't mean on your face, you will
never minoi
3
it was midnight in old udon than!
all the pilots were
alseeep
when up stepped col. ___________•
and this is what
he said
'phantoms, gentle phantoms, phantoms, one and a_i
pilots, gentle pilots, and all the pilots ball>,
when up
stepped a young lieutenant
with a voice as bold as brass
'you can take those goddam phantoms and shove ' e*l up your ass
chorus! oh, halleluia, halleluia, throw a nickle on the grass
save a fighter pilots ass
oh, halleluia, halleluia, throw a
nicklt on the grass and you ll
be saved,
I was cruising down the mekong, doing six and tventy per
there came a call from the major, oh won t you save me, sir?
my guns.* ain g got no ammo, my tanks ain t got vo gas
mayday, mayday, mayday I got six migs on my as?,
I shot my traffic pattern, to me it looked all - ; ght
the
airspeed read 130, my god I racked it tigh^
the airframe gave
a shudder, the engine gave a fc'hiez
mayday mayday maiday
spin instructions please
fouled up my crosswing landing, my
lest wing hit the ground
there came a call from the tower,
pull ub and gc around
I racked that phantom in the air, a dozen feet c* more
the
engine quit, I almost suit, the gear came through the floor,
I was split-s on my bomb run and got too god daws low
I pressed that bloody button, and I let those ba2ies go
sucked the stick back fast as blazes and hit a high speed stall
now I won t see my mother when the works all done next fall.
they sent me up to hanoi, the brief said no ack-ack
but by
the time I got there my wings were holed by flak
my aircraft
coughed and shuddered, it was too cut up to fly
mayday,
mayday, mayday, i'm too young to die.
I bailed out from my phantom, my landing turned olh\ fine
with my e-and-e equipment, I made for our front line
when I
opened up my ration, to see what was in l~
my god, the
quartermaster had filled the thing w!~h shit
now in this
commie prison camp I am obliged to s;t
for one cannot.go very
far on a ration tin of suit
if I am ever free again, I will
no longer fly
but i'll have the quartermaster s balls for
brearr/>st till I die
rep river valley
to the red river valley we're going
for to get us some trains and some tracks
but if I had my say
so about it
id still be back home in the sack.
come and
sit by my side at the briefing
do not hasten to bid me adieu
to the red river valley we re going
and tm flying four in
flight blue.
we went for to check on the weather
an they
said it was clsar as could be
I lost my wingman round the field
and the rest augered in out
at sea
s-2 said there's no flak where we're going
s-2 said
there's no flak on the way
there s a dark overcast 0 er the
target
iwbeginning to doubt what they say.
to the valley
they say we are going
and many strange sights will we see
but the one there that held my attention
was the sam that
they threw up at me.
to the valley he said he was flying
and he never saw the medal that he earned
many jocks have
flown into the valley
and a number have never returned.
so
I listened as he briefed on the mission
tonight at hte bar
beak flight wil l sing
but we re going to the red river
valley
and today you are flying my wing.
oh, the flak is
so thick in the valley
that the migs and the sams we don t
need
so fly high and down sun in the valley
and guard well
the ass of beak lead
now things turn to shit in the valley
and the briefing I gave, you don t heed
they ll be waiting at
the hanoi hilton
and its fish heads and rice for beak lead
we refueled on the way to the valley
in the states it had
always been fun
but with thunder and lightning all around us
t was the last aar for beak one
5
red river valley-continued
when he came to a bridge in the
valley
he saw a duty that he couldn t shun
for the first
to roll in on the.target
was my leader, old beak number one-
oh, he flew throuht the flak toward the target
with his bombs
and his rockets drew a bead
but he nver pulled out of his
bomb run
t was fatal for another beak lead
so come sit by
my side at the briefing
we will sit there and tickle the
beads
for we re going to the red river valley
and my call
sign today is beak lead.
the house
the liquor was spilled
on the bar room floor
and the bar was closed for the night
wnen out of a hole came a little brown mouse
and sat in the
pale moon light
he lapped up the liquor on the bar room floor
and back on his haunches he sat
^ifi^ormt^dw^kfifar him r°ar
the duchess
oh, the
duchess, she was dressing
dressing for the ball
when out
the window she did spy him
pissing on the wall
chorus
with his lilly white kidney wipers
and balls the size of
these
and a half a yard of foreskin
hanging down below his
knees
0, hanging down
oh, hanging down
with a half a
yard of foreskin
hanging down below his knees.
so she sent
to him a letter
and in it she did say
id rather be fucked
by you
than by my husband anyday
so he mounted on his
charger
and throught the streets he did ride
with his
balls slung over his shoulder
and his cock lashed to his side
oh, he rode intor the courtyard
he rode into* the hall
my
god cried the butler
he s come to fuck us all
oh, he
fucked the cook in the kitchen
he fucked the maid in the hall
but when he tucked the butler
twas the dirtiest trick of all
then he mounted on his charger
and rode into the street
with little drops of seamen
pitter-patteping at his feet.
oh, they say he's gone to hades
they say he s gone to hell
they say he rjcks the devil
and I know he fucks him well.
6
tchepciie
I was hanging round ops, just awasting my time,
not on the
schedule, not earnin a dime.
when a colonel come. up and he
says I suppose
you fly a fighter by the cut of your clothes.'
he figures me right, vm a good one/ I say.
do you happen to
have me a target today?
he says yes he does and a real easy
one.
no sweat, my boy, it s an ole'time milk run.'
I gets all excited and asks wehre it's at
he gives me a wink
and a tip of his hat.
it s one twenty mile to the northeast
of home,
a small, peacefull hamlet that s known as tchepone,
I go get my g-suit and strap on my gun,
helmet, and gloves
and out the door on the run.
fire up my phantom and take to
the, air,
two s tucked in tight and we haven t a care,
in
twenty-five minutes we're over the town.
from twenty-one
thousand we re screaming on down.
arm up the switcheds and
dial in the mils,
rack up the wings, and roll in for the
kill.
we feel a bit sorry for folks down below
of
destruction thats coming they surely don t know,
but the
thought passes quickly, we know the war is on,
and on.down we
scream toward peaceful tchepone.(unsuspecting, peaceful, tch)
release altitude and the pipper's not right.
ill pressjust a
little and lay them in tight
I pickle those beauties at two point five grand,
started my
pull when the shit hits the fan.
a black puff in front, and
then two off the right.
then six or eight more and I suck it
pu tight,
there s small arms and tracers and heavy ack-ack.
it s scattered to broken with all kinds of flack.
I jink hard to the left and head out for the blue;
when my
wingman cries'lead, they're shooting at you.
noshit. I cry as
I point out toward home.
still comes the fire from the town
of tchepone.(dirty, deadly tchepone)
I make it back home with six hole in my bird.
with the
colonel who sent me id sure like a word
but he's now where
around, though I looked near and far,
he s gone back to
seventh to help run the war.
i've been 'round this country
for many a day,
I ve seen all the things they re trowing my way.
I know there are places I don t like to fly,
up in mugia and
in ban karai.
but i'll bet all my flight pay the jock ain t
been born,
who can keep all his cool when he s over tchepone.
7
thf aggressors(skip to the lu, my darling)
this is our
song to the t-38's(f~5e),
who ve never fired a shot in a
moment of 4ate,
they travel around visiting all the usafe
crews,
hustling their women and drinking thejr booze,
chorus: down, down, spjlraling down(repeat 3 times)
another
small trainer went down in flames.
they feed us great stories
of tracking our six,
we know it's just some of their dirty
ole tricks,
now think of it, gents, don't you think yoj d
lie,
in order to justify all that great tdy.
now air to
air's shit hot, to that we'll a^ree,
but we think a true
fighter is something to be
sent bombing and strafing with an
optical sight,
and not just some wag that you dreamed up"
last night.
they are two seat trainers, but they're not all
alone,
they neeoradar vectors to find their way home.
they
talk about tracking, but that s hard to do,
when youfe
dodging the jet wash that big ik?ly spews.
the only
man(battle hyfin?
the wing was beginning to tremble at the
upcoming ori
they were pencil-whipping squares and
fabricating lies,
but they knew it would all depend on a
rladd from the sky,
for them to pass the ori.
chorus:
gory, gory, what a helluva way to die,
gory, gory, what a
helluva way to die,
gory, gory, what a helluva way to die,
but they passed the ori.
they looked around and tried to find
then? *ost proficient stud,
but major wright was tdy and
sleaze was smashed on bud.
when master bates heard the plan,
he packed his bags and ran,
so they turned to 'the only man.
he came on in at o-dark-thirty, after twelve hours of rest.
he made his flight plan, signed the log, amd donned his survival
vest.
he walked on out and started em up, and vc*ed he d do
his best.
and in peace may he forever rest.
he violated an
airway while dodging clouds in weather most severe,
and
coxwain s constant shouting only tended to heighten his fear,
and when the'tone cut off, the gib said, wjcn't even near.
so
he.terminated his career,
there was blood upon his risers,
there was core upon his boots.
his brains were all
a'splattered o'rer his marin-baker chute.
but they judged his
wreck scorable, one thousand feet at two,
and they passed the
ori,
3
the air fprcf 1a"fnt(rattle hymn of the republic)
my
eyes-have seen the days of men who ruled the fighting sky,
with hearts that laughed at death who lived for nothing but to
fly,
but now those hearts are grounded and those days are
long gone by,
the force has gone to hell j
chorus: glory
flying regulations, have them read at evert. station
burn the
ass of those that breaks em, the force is shot to hell1.!!
my
bones have felt their pounding throb, a hundred thousand strong,
a mighty airborne uegion set to right the deadly wrong,
but
it's only memory, it only lives in song,
the force is shot to
hell,
once they flew b-26's through a living hell of elak,
and bloody dying pilots gave their all to bring them back,
but now they play pingpong in the operations shack,
the force
is shot to helli
the lordly flying fortress and the liberator
too,
once wrote the doom of germany with contrails in the
blue,
but now the skys are empty and our planes are wet with
dew
the force is shot to hell.
you have heard the pounding
fifties blaze from wings of polished steel,
the purring of
your merlin was a song your heart could feel,
but now the 0-2
charms you with its moaning groaning shueal,
the eorce is
shot to hell!
have you ever climbed a lightning up to where
the air is thin,
have you stuck her long nose downhard just
to hear the screaming din,
have you tried to do it lately,
better not, you ll auger in,
the force is shot to hell!
the sabre's in korea drove the migs out of the sky,
the
pilots then were fearless men and not afraid to die>
but now
the regs are written, you can kiss your ass goodbye,
the
force is shot to hell.
we were cocky, bold and happy when
we played the angel's game,
we split the blue with
buzzing and we rolled our way to fame,
but now
that's all verboten and we re all so
goddamned tame,
the force is shot to hell!
my eyes get dim
with tears when I recall the days 0* old,
when pilots
took their choice and I will will live to be nuite
old,
but now for regulations our heart and soul
have been sold,
the force is shot to hell.
but smile
awhile my pilots though your eyes may still be wit
someday we
ll be in heaven where the rules will not be set.
and god will
show us how to.byzz and roll and really let...
the air force
fly like hell.;;
glory no more regulations, rip them up at
every station,
ground the guy who tries to make one, and let
us fly like hell...
9
thf day of the eagle-on top of old smokey
now gather round
closely
I ll sing this shor song
bout the day of the eagle
the day
things went wrong
the takeoff was normal
no problems in
sight
he went to the circle
and started to fight
the
battle was bitter
and fought to the end
t was time then to
go home
t'was time to extend
while cruising on back home
just chasing the breexe
the blow jets went poof poof
snap,
crackle/ and wheeze
the silence was deafening
he called on
the freq
what does the dash one say
bout gliding this
thing?'
the driver then pondered
he thought long and cool
and finally decided >
mom ain t raised no fool.
'i've
survived all my training
it seems/ now let s see
how well
they taught me
survival at sea
he leaped from his eagle
goddbye/ sadle bade
wondering briefly if
his insurance was
paid
the eagle has landed
no doubt in my mind
but seems
that he left
his airplane behind.
that's the end of'the
story
im sorry to say
and one each f-fifteen
lies out
in the bay
credits to critter
3a
qfl top of thf pop up
on top of the pop up, and flat on my
back,
I lost my poor wingman, in a big hail of lfack.
guard channel
was silent, the sites were all dead,
until we rolled in and
looked up ahead.
the sky filled with fireballs, the missiles
flashed by,
sweet mother of jesus, we re alc going to die.
number two called, vm hit, i'm going to bust.'
not one
goddamn elint, a poor jock can trust.
so come ye young
pilots, and listen to dad,
forget about jinking, and your ass
has been had.
they'll hit you and burn you, their flack
reaches this far,
it s a long walk to takhli, and a beer in
the bar.
kill the fllfis come put to play?
when the sams
start rising from old haiphong harbor,
and the 85's start
puffing at kep hay,
you will know kour target s just around
the mountain,
and you wonder if the migs will come to play.
oh, you reach your pull-up point and start your pqp'up
and
the tracers seem to urge you on your way,
you see the bridge
and as you start your roll in,
you wonder if the migs will
come to play,
oh, you've dropped your bombs and now your're
o^f and running,
jinking hard you re on your merry way,
and as you reach the limstone ridges,
you wonder if the migs
will come to play.
oh, you've reached the coast and all the
sea is friendly,
your fuel is low, but not too low you say,
I can make it back to korat nice and easy,
if only the migs
don t come to play.
fighter pilot's toast
here's to me in
my sober mood,
when I ramble, sit and think
here s to me
in my drunken mood,
when I gamble, sin and drink,
but when
my flying days are over,
and from this wobld I pass,
I hope they bury me upside down,
so the world can kiss my
assi
10
rff peek everywhere
well, I took off from ubon in a thick
and heat/y giving rain,
I toted my bombs up to green anchor tanker plane,
I had a brand-new ac riding in the front seat. t
a guy with
six months rtu, before that a tweet
he asked me if my
counters numbered much more than ten
I said, 'listen, mac, there ain t no place up there I ain t
been,
chorus: i've been everywhere, man, i've been everywhere
i've crossed the mountains bare, man, I ve seen the flak-filled
air
of sam's I ve had my share, man, I ve been everywhere.
hanoi, haiphong, phuc yen, yen bai, longson, hoa lac,
phu
tho, son tay, mao binh, nam dinh, thai binh, bac ninh,
thai
nguyen, gia lam, wiet tri, do son
thud ridge, mig ridge,
northeast railroad, bac mai, ninh grang,
bac giange,
poo-yang.
sam meue, nan ban, ouang, son la, bat lake, don hoi
quang khe, thanh hoa, red route, black route, blue route, purple
route
channel 97, and the red and black river valley,
landside, waterside, and down the slide, dang my hide,
in
town, cross town, uptown, downtown,
I am a yankee air pirate, with dt's and blood-shot eyeballs,
my nerves are all run down from bojkbing downtown,
from sam
breaks and bad bandit calls.
am
chorus: a yankee air
pirate, a yankee air pirate, and yankee air pirate 1.
a
yankee air pirate,* a yankee air pirate, if I don t get my
hundred i'll die.
i've carried iron bombs on the outboards,
flown fast cap for f-one-oh-thuds
I ve sniveled a counter or two once or twice,
and sweated my
own rich red blood.
i've been downtown to both bridges, to
thai nguyen, kep and phuc yen,
and if you ask! me, then i'm
sure you can see,
there s no place up.there I ain t been.
pop rqe$ the veasel
around and around the sam sit£,the
missile chased the weasel,
weasel got pissed sam,got zapped.
w.' goes the weasel.
lady fingers did their job, did more
than just tease them
the russian techs got all pissed of. %t>0h:
goes the weasel.
willy peter showed us where, to roll in to
displease *em.
one more pass with hei/popj goes the weasel.
we look around for sam sites, we grab their balls and squeeze 'em.
they show their ass, we shoot it off. wj noes the weasel.
11
filvf ff opfratiqns
don't give me a p-38, the props they
counter-rotate
they re scattered and burning from burma to
britain
don t give me a p~38
chorus: just give me
operations
way out on a lonely atoll
for I am too young to
die
I just want-to grow^old
don't give me a p-39
the engne is
mounted behind
they ll tumble and spin, and auger you in,
don t-give me a p-39
don't give me a peter-four oh, a hell of
an airplane I know
a ground looping bastard, you re sure to
get plastered
don t give me a peter four oh
don't give me
a p~5l it was alright for fighting the hum
but with coolant
tank dry, you ll run out of sky
don't give me a p-51
don't
give me an f-84, she's just a ground loving' whore,
she'll
whine and she.ll wheeze and she ll clobber the trees
don't
give me an f-«4
don't give me an f-86, with wings like broken
match stacks
they ll zoom and they ll hover, but as for top
cover
don t give me an f-86
don't give me an 86^, with
rockets, radar and a/b,
she's fast, I don't care, she blows
up in mid-air.
don t give me an 86~d
don't give me a
one-double-oh, the bastard is ready to blow
the a/b is there
but youtre saying a prayer
don't give me a one-double-oh
don-t give me a f-102, it never goes up when it's blue
an
all-weather coffin/ that flames out so often
don t give me an
f-102
don't give me a t-33
the airframe is way out-of-date
you plug in the burner to turn a square corner
and pull a big 7,8
don't give me a phantom 4 ii
it s tac s two seat b~52
drop
your bombs and go round
hope that they hit the ground
don
t give me a phantom m ii
12
don't give me an aardvark to fly
it's a guareanteed sure
way to die
fly hands off on the deck and you ll break your
damn neck
don't give me an aardvark to fly
don't make me a
38 faip
it's tac's legal version of rape
with some high
level backing
we d be ground attacking
don t make me a 38
faip
don't make me an f-15 jock
those guys really know how
to talk
they brag and they prattle
but they ve never seen
battle
don't make me an f-15 jock
last chorus
o'let me
fly my warthog
on a two hundred foot strafing run
down in
the grass ill kick ivan s ass
with my 30 mike mike gatling
gun
I fly the line
I keep a close wath on these lands of mine
t keep my eyes
wide open all the time
directing air strikes 1s-a specialty
of min
this sector's mine/ t fly the line.
down patrol
around an khe is really great
it s those out country missions
that I hate
ill fly and,fight anywhere and anytime
because
they re mine/ I fly the line.
small arms and 37 I don't sweat
fifty cal and zpu are what I fret
white puffs far away are a
good sign
this sector s mine. I fly the line
armed with
rockets and binoculars I go
out tosee what I can see and hope
to know
wehre ol charlie runs and hides and spends his time
this sector s mine. I fly the line.
when I find charlie on
the ground I call for air
then I roll in to mark whern they
get there
hit my smoke and run in on the east-west line
this sectors mine. I fly the line.
I keep a close wathc on these lands of mine
I keep my eves wide open all the time
directing air strikes
is a specialty of mine
this sectors mine. I fly the line.
12a
armed recce ghost riders in the sky
in the skies of
southeast asia where the fighter pilots dwell.
there s a
mission that you fly a lot, you get to know it well
they call
it armed reconaissance, you fly it fast and low
in the
southern part of package one that s know as tally-ho
you're
briefed on the defenses all along the route you'll fly
you're
scared but still you y€ got to go and so you take thesky
you
get pre^strike refueling and you take your flight on down
cross the coast at butterfly and start to move aound
you re
headed north up route 1a, the road looks clean and bare
but a
truck is mighty hard to see from one mile in the air
you know
you ll have to take down t.though your heart is in your mouth
now dead ahead s the ferby/ that's the point you ll turn back
south
and suddenly your heart stops as you see the ting
you dread
triple a is comin up and it fills the sky ahead
you fake the turn to the left and then you break hard up
and right
your wingman s in with cbu and it s a pretty
sight,
and now you're headed south again and really moving'
round
to make a harder target for the gunners on the grgund
and then you see the convoy s1ttin' still beside the road
arm
up all your switches and prepare to drop your load
touch off
afterburner and pop up in to the sun
but keep the convoy in
you sight and start to make your run
the the gunners start to
shoot again kou see the f.lak ahead
then it s bursting all
around you and the sky is filled-with lead.
you can't go
left/ you can't go right/ the flak is all around
so keep the
convoy in your sight and keep on boring down
and thne pickle
off your bombload and pull up and trust your luck
that the
triple'a will miss you and bombs w]ll hit the truck
but the
flak is coming closer and your eyes are filled-with tears
and
before you ve reached 1he coastling, you ve aged one hundred
years.
and suddently you're out of it/ the water's down below
breathe easy now but don't relax 'cause sure as hell you know
that tomorrow is antoher day and once again you ll go
the
souther part of package on and tecce tally-ho.
9\m the spirit
of attack, rorn
in a bkave hfart, will r&fofi
access to
any fighter aircraft,
no flatter how highly developed it may
be.
-adolf galland
12b
thfrf arf no f1ghtfr pilots down in hf11
oh, there
are no fighterpilots down in hell*
oh, there are no
fighfferpilots down in hell,
the place is full of
queers, navigators/ bombadie8s
oh, there are no
fighterpilots down in hell
oh, there are no fighterpilots in
the states,
oh, there are no fighterpilots in the states,
they re off on foreign shores, making mothers out of whores,
oh, there are no fighterpilots in the states.
oh, there are
no fighterpilots v? in wing,
oh, there are no fighterpilots
up in wing/
the place is full of brass, sitting round on
theip fat ass
oh, there are no fighterpilots up in wing.
oh, a bomberpilot never takes a dare,
oh, a bomberpilot never
jakes a dare,
oh, the auto-pilot on/ he 8 reading novels in
the john
oh, a bomberpilot never takes a dare,
oh, there
are no fighterpilots in f-fifteens,
oh, there are no
fighterpilots in f~fifteens,
drive their eagles through the
blue
just like bongo-52s
oh, there are no fighterpilots in
f-fifteens,
§h, there are no bomber pilots in the fray
h/ there are no bomber pilots in the fray
they
are all in uso s wearing women s fancy clothes
oh,
there are no bomber pilots in the fray,
oh/ there
are no fighterpilots in the wing
oh, there are no fighter
pilots in the wing
the place is full of brass, sitting round
on thei* fat ass
oh, there are no fighter pilots up in wing
oh, it's naughty, naughty, anughty/ but it's nice
if you ever
do it once you'll do it twice
it ll wreck your reputation,
but increase the population
oh, it s naughty, naughty,
naughty, but it s nice
oh, look at the eagle pilots in the
club
0\\, look at the eagle pilots in the club
they don't
party, they don't sing, the aggressors ~0 everything
oh, look
at the eagle pilots in the club
when a eagle jock walks into
our club
when a eagle jock walks into our club
% rai ct
piyff piey wfi irs,s club h,s dub
13
tot fuckers hi the sk*
an old cowpoke went riding out one
dark and windy day,
stopped beneath a shady tree and paused
to beat his meat
when all at once a slant-eyed bitch came
riding down the trail
he stopped her and asked her how bout a
piece of tail9
chorus; yipee-yi-yeaaaaa, yipe-yi-yooooo,
ghost fuckers in the sky,
her tits were all a-floppin', her
cunt eat out with clap
he socked it to her anyway and gave
her ass a slap
she shit, she moaned, she shit she groaned
jtll
she threw him from her crack, he rolled across the desert amd/
broke his fucking back
chorus: repeat
son of satan's afels
i'm a son of satan's angees and I fly the f-&d
all the way
from the hanoi railroad bridge to the dm2
i'm one of ol hoot
gibson s boys and mean as I can be
im a son of satan's angels
and I fly the f-4b,
there ain't no triple-a gunner out there
that's anywhere near my class
cause i'm as mad as I can be
and I m in for one more pass
he hosed me down one time too
much and that one was his last
I look back at where he hwas and say hey man, ain t that a gas,
hello hanoi hannah, send your migs to meet thsh doom
fir them
up and flast them off, hoot s boys will be there soon
I don t care if they are the ones vlth a mouthfull of silver
spbons
ive got sidewinders on board that'll home on an a/b
plume,
jollv, jolly england
oh, 1 don't want to join the
air force,
I dott't want to go to war.
I just want to sit around picadilly underground.
livin off
the earnings of my high born lady.
monday, I touched her on
the ankle.
tuesday, I touched her on the knee.
wedneday,
success, I lifted up her dress.
thursday, her panties I did
see/'
friday, I put my hand upon it.
saturday, she gave my
balls a tweek,
but it was sunday after supper, that I rammed
the old boy up her.
and now she earns me seven and six a
week, gore blimey,
oh, I don't want to join the air force
I don t want me buttocks shot away,
I just want to stay in england, jolly, jolly england
and
fornicate my blfcody life away.
m
strafe the town and kill the people
lay your high drags in
the square
roll in early sunday morning
catch them while
they re still at prayer
drop some candy to the orphans
watch them as they gather round
use your 20 millimeter
mow
the little bastards down
see the fat old pregnant women
running thru the field in fear
ru'. vou 20 mike mike thru
them
hope the film comes out real clr
strafe t"£ town and
kill the people
hit them *'ith your poison gas
see the* -hpowing
up their breakfast
as you "i'e your second pass
sammy small
oh, my name is sammy small
fuck'em all
oh, my name is sammy small
fuck'em all
oh my name is sammy
small
and ive only got one ball
but it s better than none
at all
so, fuck'em all
oh, they say I killed a man
fuck'em all
oh,they say I killed a man
fuck'em all
they
say I shot him dead
with a piece of fucking lead
through
his silly fucking head
well, fuck em all
they say i'm
gonna swing
fuck em all
they say I m gonna swing
fuck'em all
they say I m gonna swing
from a piece of
fucking string
what a silly fucking thing
so, fuck em all
the parson he will come
fuck'em all
the parson he will
come
fuck em all
the parson he will come
with his tales
df kingdpm come
he can shove em up his sung
so, fuck'em
all
the hangman «ears a mask
fuck em all
the hangman
-ears a mask
fuck em all
the hangman *e*rs a mask
for
his.sillv fucking task
what a silly rucking ass
so, fuck
em ill
the sheriff *;ll be there too
fuck em all
the
sheriff *il be there too
fuck em all
the sheriff xjll be
there too
with his slllv fucking crew
they ve got cl»ck
all else to do
so, fuck em all
(reverantly)
I saw molly iv the crowd, fuck'em all
I saw molly is the crown, fuck em all
I saw molly in the crowd
and I felt so fucking proud
that
I shouted right out loud—
p"c-<'em all
j5
you cah-tell a fighter pilot(tunf-minf eyes have seen the
glory)
by the ring around his eyeball
you can "tell a
bombardie
you can tell a bomber pilot
by the spread
aroundhis rear
you can tell a navigator
by his sextants,
maps and such
tiptanks and tait pipfscwaii.)----tunf bless'em
all
bless them all/ bless them all
bless tiptanks and
tailpipes and all
bless old man lockheed for building this
jet
but I know a guy who is cussing him yet
cause he tried
to go over the wall
the needles did cross, and the wings did
come off
with tiptanks and tailpipes and all,
through the
wall/ through the wall
through the bloody invisible wall
that transonic journey is nothing but rough
as bad as a ride
on the local base bus
so i'm staying away from the wall
subsomic for me and that's all
if you re hot you might make
it
but you ll probably break it
your butt and your neck/
not the wall
vou ape a noncombatant asshole
you have never
killed a cong
you just sit around and sioot the shit
stand
there and play on your dong
you bought your medals in a
pawnshop
they only cost 2,95, ^
you were alive in 65 and
you ll be alive in 90'
you are a noncombatant assholei
springtime at duchi
when its spring time at duchi base/ and
the aggressors come out to play
and the contrails run in
circles, fighter pilots earn their pay
we ll hold our
triggers steady when our sights are zeroed in
we ll hold our
glasses ready when thfy pass out rum and gin
when it's spring
time at duchi base, and the napalm is in *loom
and your
vulcan s do the talking and it s just a mig and you
oncle
again you'll hear whisper that my fuel is running low
when it
s spring time 6n-the at duchi base, then it s time for us to go,
16
..battle hymfl
we fly our fucking phantoms at fifty
fucking feet
we fly our fucking phantoms through the rain and
snow and sleet
and though we think we re flying west
we re
really flying east
and we make.our fucking landfall on the
fifth of fucking fourth
chorus: glory, glory, halleluia, 6l0ry,
glory halleluia, glory, glory, hal,.
we fly those fucking
phantoms at fuck all thousand feet
we fly those fucking
phantoms through the trees and corn and whrat
and though we
think we fly with skill
we fly with fucking luck
but we
don t give a fucking damn or care a flying fuck
we fly those
fucking phantoms at fifty thousand fucking feet
we fly our
fucking phantoms through the rain, the snow, the sleet
and
though we think we re flying up
we re flying fucking down
and we bust our fucking asses when we hit the fucking ground
hqrsebhit
there was a friar of great renown
mm wwwi
wt0f t0™
chorus: ha ha ha ho ho ho, horseshit
that dirty
old son-of-a-bitch
that rotten old cocksucker
fuck him
he wir *p in a featbrr rfq
he laid her on a winding stairx3
and then he shoved it cuear up to there
shoved it clear up to
there
I chorus
tn
he laid her on an old stumpx3
and then, he missed her
cunt and hit the
missed her cunt and hit the sum5 /stump
chorus _
he laid her dow beside a pondx3
and then, he fucked her with
his m^gic wand
fucked her with his magic wand
chorus _
he laid her on the dewey grassx3
and then, he shoved the old
boy up her ass
shoved the old boy up her ass
chorus ^
he took her to t>e country sidex5
and then, he fucked hfr
until she died
fucked her until she died
chorus
he took
her to the buria*lgroindx3
and then, he thought he'd have
another round
thought he'd have another round
chorus
he
laid her in the cold,cold groundx3
and then, he du^ her up
and did it again
dug her up and did it again,
firehah
sflhs.
my father is a fireman
he puts out fires
my
brother is a fireman
he puts out fires
my sister sal is a
firemans gal
she puts out too,
before the verses!
oh,
for the life of a fireman,
to ride on a fire engine red,
to say to a team of white horses,
give me head, give me head,
give me head.
u
kotex sonfurassions go rolling along)
you can tell by the
smell that she isn't feeling well
when the end of the month
rolls around
how she turns, how she squirms, how she gets a
case of worms
when the end of the month rolls around
for
its hi ht hee in the kotex industry
super junior bandaid
for ere you go
the blood will always flow
when the end of
the month rolls around.
keep em bleeding when the end of the
month rolls around
last night (finicule finicula)
last
night, I stayed up late and masterbated,
it felt so good, I
knew it would,
last night I stayed up late to beat my meat
it felt so nice, I did it twice.
you should really see me on
the short strokes
it feels so grand I use my hand,
you
must really catch me on the long s1rokcs,
it feels so neat, I
use my feet.
shake.it, break it, beat it on the floor,
smash it, bash it, thrust it through the door,
some people
seem to think that fucking's grand
but for all around
enjoyment, I prefer to use my hand,
little town of bethlehem
oh, little town of ho chi
minh
how safe you think you lie
beneath your ring of sa~2
s
you think our guys won t fly
yst through the cloud deck
raineth
a deadly trail of bombs
too late for fear, the end
is near
so fuck off ho chi minh,
joy to the world
joy to the world, the bombs will come
lets all go join the fun
the bridges, dams and powek plants
the schools, the kids and even ants
will know the awesome
sound
of bombs hitting the groung
they ll shiver, they ss
quiver
gee, war is fun.
18
mary ann burns
mary ann burns was the queen of all the
acrobats
she could do tricks that would give a guy the shits
she could shoot green peas from her fundamental orifice
do a
sommersalt and cath em on her tits
she s a great big son-of-a-bith,
twice as big as me
got hair on her ass like the branches on a
tree
she can swim/ fish, fight/ fuck
fly a phantom/ drive
a truck
mary ann burns is the girl for me
nelly darling
oh/ your ass is like a stove pipe/ nelly
darling
and the nipples on your tits are turning green
there's a yard of lint protruding from youp navel
your re the
ugliest fucking bitch I ve ever seen
there's a million crabs
abounding round youp pussy
when you piss/ you piss a stream
as green as grass
there s enough wax in your ears to make a
candle
so why not make one/ dear/ and shove it up your ass
I love my wife
I love my wife/ yes I do/ yes I do
I love her truly
I love the hole/ that she pisses thru
I love her lily-white^ tits and her ruby red lips
and the
hairs around her asshole
id eat her shit gobble-gobble/
comp-chomp-with a rusty spoon
j2-pay3-of-christmab
1.
a hand job in a pear tree
2. two briss balls
3.
three french ticklers
4. four cocksuckers
5. five
mother fuckers
6. six sacks of shit
7. seven
scrotums swinging
8. eight assholes aching
9.
mine nipples nibbling
10. ten titties tingling
11. eleven
lesbians licking
12. twelve twats a'twitching
the
balls of o'leary are wrinkled and hairy
they re stately and
shapely like the domes of st, paul
the women all muster to
see that great clustfp
they stand and they stare at the great
hairy pair of 0 leary s balls
21
lupe—versi0nff2
I was down in laredo out drinking one night,
I was hitting the high spots and doing all right.
there I saw
a floor show with lupe, the star,,
she was fucking the major
on top of the bar,
her knees werb all bloodly, he had sores
on his toes,
sweat poured from his balls, and it dripped from
his nose.
from lupe, the laughter was pouring in pearls,
as she'clawed him and pounded his ass with her heels.
said
lupe disgusted, 'ain't none of you cocks,
that can fuck for
ten minutes without blowing your rocks9
as a long, lanky
texan unbuttoned his fly,
her gleam didn't wilt when he
showed her his cock,
it was seventeen inches from bottom to
too.
said he, stand back gentlemen, and let me on thpough,
cause this is where lupe meets her waterloo;
ihe bar was
marble amd it was well built,
but it shuddered and groaned as
he drovf to the hilt.
viva le mexico. lupe she cried,
remember the alamo. the texan replied.
for three solid hours
hse begged him for more,
they fell off the bar and they
fucked on the floor
from the floor to the sidewalk to the
street they did fuck,
right- into the path of an oncoming
truck.
the airhorn it bellowed, the trailer brakes lockep,
but neither lupe, the texan, nor truck could stop,
the
bartender said with a gleam in his eyf,
I guess in all fairness, we ll call it a tie(
now down in
laredo a statue is seen,
hut most of the tourists, they think
it s obscene.
on the few who were there understand,
there
s no finer tribute to woman or man.
oh, she'll fuck you she'll
suck you, she'll nibble your nuts,
and if not carefull, she
ll suck out your guts.
now that.there was lupe, the girl I
adore,
she's a hot fucking, cocksucking mexican whorf,
there was a little■*ird
there was a little bird,
no bigger
than a turd,
sitting on a telegraph pole,.
oh, he ruffled
up his neck,
and he shit about a peck.
then he puckered up
his little ass hole.
ass hole, ass hole
ass hole, asshole
oh, he puckered up
his little ass hole
20
mary ann burns was the queen of all the acrobats
she could
do tricks that would give a guy the shits
she could shoot
green pea's from her fundamental orifice
do a sommersalt and
cath'em on her tits
she s a great big son-of-a"bith,
twice as big as me
got hax« on her ass like the branches on a
tree
she can swim, fish, fight, fuck
fly a phantom, drive
a truck
mary ann burns is the girl for me
oh, your ass is
like a stove pipe, nelly darling
and the nipples on your tits
are turning green
there s a yard of lint protruding from your
navel
your re the ugliest fucking bitch I ve ever seen
there's a million crabs abounding round your pussy"
when you
piss, you piss a stream as green as grass
there s enough wax
in your ears to make a candle
so why not make one, dear, and
shove it up your ass
I love my wife, yes I do, yes I do
I love her truly
I love the hole, that she pisses thru
I love her lily-whiter tits and her ruby red lips
and the
hairs around her asshole
id eat her shit gobble-gobble,
comp-chomp-wi.th a rusty spoon
12 pay? of christmas.
1. a
hand job in a pear tree
2. two briss balls
3.
three french ticklers
m. four
cocksuckers
5, five mother fuckers
6,
six sacks of shit
7, seven scrotums swinging
8, eight
assholes aching
9, nine nipples nibbling
10,
ten titties tingling
11, eleven lesbians licking
12, twelve
twats a'twitching
sileary'sjballs.
the balls of o'leary
are wrinkled and haipy
they re stately and shapely like the
domes of st, paul
the women all muster to see that great
clustep
they stand and they stare at the grfat hairy pair of
0 leary s balls
21
lupe--vers1pm2
I was down in laredo out drinking one night,
I was hitting the high spots and doing all right,
there I saw
a floor show with lupe, the star,
she was fucking the major
on top of the bar.
her knees werb all bloodly, he had sores
on his toes,
sweat poured from his balls, and it dripped from
his nose.
from lupe, the laughter was pouring in pearls,
as she'clawed him and pounded his ass with her heels.
said
lupe disgusted, 'ain't none of you cocks,
that can fuck for
ten minutes without blowing your rocks9
as a long, lanky
texan unbuttoned his fly,
her gleam didn't wilt when he
showed her his cock,
it was seventeen inches from bottom to
tcp,
said he, stand back gentlemen, amd let me on through,
cause this is where lupe meets her waterloo!
ihe bar was
marble and it was well built,
but it shuddered and groaned as
he drove to the hilt,
viva le mexico. lupe she cried,
remember the alamo, the texan replied.
for three solid hours
hse begged him for more,
they fell off the bar and they
fucked on the floor
from the floor to the sidewalk to the
street they did fuck,
right- jnto the path of an-0nc0min6
truck,
the airhorn it bellowed, the trailer brakes locked,
but neither lupe, the texan, nor truck could stop,
the
bartender said with a gleam in his eye, /f
I guess in all fairness, we ll call it a tie,
now down in
laredo a statue is seen,
but most of the tourists, they think
it s obscene.
on the few who were there understand,
there's no finer tribute to woman or man.
oh, she'll fuck you
she#ll suck you, she'll nibble your nuts,
and if not
carefull, she ll suck out your ^uts. '
now that there was
lupe*, the girl I adore,
she's a hot fucking, cocksucklng
mfxican whopf,
there was a little *irn
there was a little
bird,
no bigger than a turd,
sitting on a telegraph pole,.
oh, he ruffled up his neck,
and he shit about a peck.
then
he puckered up his little ass hole.
ass hole, ass hole
ass
hole, asshole
oh, he puckered up
his little ass hole
20
i fucked a dead whore-my bonnie lies over the ocean
I fucked a dead whore by the roadside
I knew right away she was dead
the skin was all gone from her
tummy
the hair was all gone from her head
as I lay down
there beside her
I knew right away I had sinned
so I stuck my lips to her
sweet pussy
and sucked ou the load l'd shot in
sucked out,
sucked out
I sucked out the load I shot in
sucked out/ sucked out
I sucked out the load I shot in
the qne-eyed trouser snake
well/ I got this little creature
I suppose you'd call him a pet
when something goes wrong with
him
I don t have to call the vet
he goes everywhere that I do
whether sleeping or awake
oh god/ help me if I ever lose
my little one-eyed trouser snare
chorus! oh/ my one-eyed
trouser snake
my one-eyed trouser snake
god help me if I
ever lose
my little one-eyed trouser snake
now one day I
took to reading
in the old sky pilots book
about two
starchers bastards
who make the world go crook
they said
it was the serpent
that make eve the apple take
christ,
that was no serpent
t'was adam's one-eyed trouser snake
now I met this arty sheila
id never met before
when
something kind a told me
that she banged like a shithouse
door
I said come lfp an d see my etchings
you know they re not a
fake ,
she said the only thing that s etching
is your one-eyed
trouser snake,
now come all ye little sheila's
and listen
to this song
the mortal of the trouser snake
is short as
it is long
beware of imitations
don't lock your bedroom
door
cas when the pyjama python bites you
you'll be
screaming out for more. fini 72
the aggressor tdy song
the aggressors are in the bar
tonight
a little bit pissed and a little bit tight
doctor
says it will be alright
second verse/ same as the first
a
little bit louder and a little bit worse
(make each
succeeding verse a little bit louder untile the bar is
being
shaken apart)
the flag-very popular in the springtime of 1939
the flag flies high on the masthead
we ll fight for the
freedom of the reich- sig heil
no longer will we tremble
against englanf)s military might
chorus: so give to me your
hand fraultin,
your lily white hand fraultin
for tonight
we march against england/ england/ england s
island shores/
island shores/ island shores/ sieg heil .
and if I fall in
battle and sink to the bottom of the sea~big splash
rememeber
this/ my fraulein/ my blood was shed fqr thee.
you can't say
shit hot
you can't say shit-hot in the o'club ,
you can t
say/ hey/ show us your tits
the bullshit is getting so deep
here
it s [)p to my fucking armpits.
fuck off/ fuck off/
10 trw fuck off/ fuck oft
fucck off, fuck off/ 10 trw fuck
off/ fuck off.
five foot nine/ he's divinit changes water
into wine/
ha§ anybody seen my lord 0
hi s the boss/ he s
real cool/ walks across your swimming pool/
has anybody seen
my lord
chorus
now, if you run intc/ a screaming' jew,
carrying a cross/
up a hill/ voice so shrill/ he s still
screamin''
I m the boss.
he's the boss, there's no other/ how many guys
have a virgin mother?
has anybody seen my lord?
virgin
mary/ she's the most/ she goes down forthe holy ghost/
has
anybody seen my lord9
he's so fine, kinda hairy/ his old lady
was the virgin mary
has anybody seen my lord ?
feeds a
crowd with a loaf of bread, he can come back from the dead,
has anybody seen my lord
23
vjuits aw p/toutes_
(ticetherg was a barmaid, down in
brewery lane
her master was so kind to her, her mistress was
the same.
along cam a pilot, handsome as he could be.
he
was the cause of all her misery!
chorus: singing v suits and
parachutes
and uniforms of blue
he ll fly a fighter
like his daddy used to do!
he asked her for a pillow to rest
his weary head.
she gave it to him willfully and lost her
maidenhead.
and she like a silly girl, thinking it no harm,
climbed in the bed beside him, just to keep 1>£ pilot warm?
now in the morning before the break of day,
a five-pound note
he handed her, and this to her he did say,
take this, my
darling, for all the harm ive done.
for you may have a
duaghter, and you may have a son.
if you have a daughter, put
ribbons in ier hair,
and if you have a son, get the bastard
in the air!
now the moral of my story as you can plainly see,
is never trust a pilot and inch above your knee.
the barmaid
trusted one and he went off to fly,
leaving her a duaghter to
help the time go by!
six pound? of boobies
six pounds of
boobies in a loose brassiere,
an old used condom in a glass
of bee,
a twat that twitches like a moose s ear,
these
foolish things remind me of you.
a dirty whore strolling down
the street,
a bloody tampex in a rumble seat,
I love my poontang but I beat my meat,
these foolish things
remind me of you.
I went to-seoul city and met miss lee,
shi said for a short
time, oh come sleep with me.
we went to lee's hooch ie, a
room with hot floors,
I lif1 my shoes outside, and slid shut the door.
she took off
her long johns, and rolled out the pad.
I gave her ten thousand, twas all that I had.
her breath
smells of kihchff, her bosoms were flat,
no hair on her
pussy, now what about that!
?m
lee's hoochif-cqntinued
I asked to go benjo, she led me outside,
I reached for ole smokey, he crawled back inside,
I rushed to the medics, cried 'what shall I do9
the doc was
dumbfounded, ole smokey was blue,
now when youfte in seoul
city, on your next three day pass,
don t go to lee s hoochie,
sit flat on your ass.
now your ass may get blistered, '*and
lee may tempt you,
but better the red ass, than ole smokey
blue.
do your balls hams lffl
do your balls hang low, do
they swing to and fro9
can you tie them in a knot, can you
tie them in a bow?
can you throw them over your shoulder like
a european soldier0
do your balls hang low°
in the days of
old, when knights were bold,
they shit right intheir
britches.
they wiped their.ass with broken glass,
those
old tough son of bitches,
in days of old, when knights were
bold,
and women wore mere triffles,
they hung their balls
upon the walls.
and shot them down with rifles,
sixteen
times(sixteen tons)
some people say a man is made out of
pear,
but a fighter pilot's made out of whibkey and beek,
whiskey and beer, rum and gin,
if you fly the dot, you re
sure to spin in,
khorus: you fly sixteen times, and what do
you get?
another day older and your weapon is bent.
st.
peter don t you call me, I m weak and lame,
I lost my ass in a poker game.
I awoke one morning when the sun didn't shine,
got my chute
and went down to the line,
down to the line to fly the f-4t
but it was raining so hard that I couldn t see.
they blew the
whistle when I was still in the rack,
I thought 'my god, we are under attack.
ran to my bird but it
was all in vain,
was just another silly fucking command post
game.
mi'gs were born to pie
-bob lodge"
25
sixteen tihes-continued
took off one morning with blood in
my eye,
id had my fill of kimchi and rye,
pickled on a
bomb pass and the gun fell free,
they re going to hang my ass
from the nearest tree,
when you see me coming better. break
to the right,
cause the juvats and the panthers had a party
last night.
my eyeballs are red and i'm as mean as a bear,
believe me, buster, better clear the air.
my husbands a
colonel
my husband's a colonel, a colonel, a colonel.
a
very fine colonel is he,
all day he fucks off, he fucks off,
he fucks off.
and at night he comes home and fucks me.
chorus: sing a little bit, fuck a little bit,
follow the
band, follow the band, follow the band.
sing a little bit,
fuck a little bit,
join in our happy song.
repeat verse
using the following:
an l/c, chews ass, chews me.
a major,
kisses ass, kisses me.
a captain, screws up, screws me.
a
lieutenant, eats shit, eats me.
a sailor, rides waves, rides
me
a flight nurse, pumps blood, "pumps me.
a mac
puke, bores' holes, bores me/
a peugeot, gets tracked, jinks
and gets assholed, he s winchester for me.
a fujin',beats
mud, beats off.
swing low sweft chariot
swing low, sweet
chariot, coming for to carry me home.
swing low, sweet
chariot, coming for to carry me home,
I looked over jordan and what did I see,
coming for to carry
me home?
a band of angels, coming after ml
coming for to
carry me home
1. sing with gestures
2. hum
with gestures
3. gestures only
2r>
ike vfqoipeckep *n;:e
I drove my finger up the woodpeckers hqle
and the woodpecker
said god bless my soul
take it out take it out take it out
remove it i
I remqyej2 my finger from the woodpeckers hole
and the
woodpecker said god bless my soul
put it back put it back put
it back replace it
the remainder of the song is the same as
above with the underlined
words being replaced 3y these in-order:
repaced turn it round
revolve it
revolved turn it 3ack
reverse it reversed once
again repeat it
repeated turn it back
retard it retarded
let it go release it
released put it back
replace it replaced turn
it round revolve it
revolved turn it back
reverse it reversed once
again remove
the hairs on her diki-di-pqp
the mayor of
bayswater has got a pretty daughter.
if she were my daughter,
l'd have them cut shorter
I smelt it, I felt it, it's just like a bit of velvet
I seen it, i've cleaned, i've seen in between it
we'd need a
hit coal miner to find her vagina
she lives on a high
mountain and fucks like a bloody fountain
refrain: (three
part harmony is acceptable)
and the^hairs on her biki-di-doo
/.hang down to her knees
one biack one, one white one, and
one with a little shint on
and the hairs on her diki~di-doo
hang down to her knees
tub music man
I aa the music man nn«i I come from thivrt your wa* .ruj I can i>l»y
n'hnt en you play?
!>*«'[>«*.-it »*•«• <il)ov*» :!^in;:
tlii's" I vjo-'a
smln-tf.-^hulm*
fri>:jch-ln»j n
»!•»;'!»- i^n--
pir.-.-lc.
cyni-l« .11«
frhi'.'vus.-..,|,.(w
l-i* I 1 -!•»» ■
in 1'ic vi»r»*c-s if i'm* s.h.io ••« ♦»•, !".».. i« ■
d-jy- o<" I ?»• j • •« :.»..h
27
the bastard king of england
the minstrels sing of an
english king many long years ago
he ruled the land with an
iron hand but his mind has weak and low
he loved to hund the
royal stag that roamed the royal wood
but better 3y far he
loved to sit and pound the royal pud,
refrain: he was lousy
and dirty amd covered with fleas
the hair on his balls hung
down to his knees
god tjless the 3astard king of england
now the queen of spain was an amorous jane and a silly old witch
was she
she loved to fool with the royal tool *ar across the
sea
so she sent a royal message with the royal messenger
to invite the king of england down to spend the night with her
now> the king of france, he heard of this amd summoned his royal
court
he said she loves my rival more because my tool was
short
so he sent the duke of suffering dack to give the queen
a dose of clap
to pass it on to the bastard king of england
when the king of england heard of this within the royal halls
he up and swore by the royal hall he d have that frenchman s
balls
he offered half the royal purse and akttliwapiece of
the queens incense
to any british subject who could do the
king of france
so the noble duke of middlesex, he took
himself to france
he swore he was a fairy so the king let
drop his pants
o.n phillips dong he slipped a thong, jumped
on his horse and galloped along
dragging the frenchman back
to merry england
when they returned to london 'town, within
fair england's shores
because his pride and phillips prime
were stretched a yard or more
and all the whores in silken
drawers came down to london town
and shouted round the
battlements, to hell with the 3ritish crown.
finale after
last refrain: rule britmnia, marlmanade and jam,
five chinese
crackers up your asshole, bang, 3amg, bang, bang, bang, etc.
28
sing iis mjtie cf£ do
there was a yolrtg man from boston
wo traded his car for an autstin
there was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas
but his balls hung out and he lost em,
chorus: oh, ay-yf-yi-yi, in china they#do it for chile
so let
s have a verse that; s worse tha/i the other verse
and waltz
me aroind by my willi
there was a young man from dundee
who buggered an ape ina tree
the result was most horrid, all
ass, and no forehead
three balls and a purple goatee.
there was ayoung man from kildair
who buggered his girl on
the stairs
the bannister broke, he doubled his stroke
and
finished her off in midair.
there was a queer' from khartuom
who took a young lesbian to his room
they argued all night,
as to who had the right
to do what, with twhick and to whom.
the
there was a professor from the mall
who possessed a
cylindrical ball
the cube root of its weight, plus his penis,
plus eight
was one half of two thirds of fuck all.
there
was a young girl from st, paul
who wore a newspaper dreww to
a ball
her dreww caught on fire, and burned her ent!re
front page, sports section and all/
there was a young lady
from wheeling
who had a peculiar feeling
she laid on her
back, and tickled her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling
there was a young man from nantucket
whose dick was so long
he could suck it
he said with a grin, as he wiped off his
chin
if my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it.
there once
was a youngman from kent
whose dick was so long that it bent
to save himself trouble, he put it in double
and instead of
coming, he went,
there once was a man of class
whose balls
were mad of brass
when they swung together, they played
stormy weathbr
and lightening shot out of his ass.
29
there was a young man from sparta
who was the worlds
champion farter
on the strength of one bean,, he played god
save the queen
and beethoven s moonlight sonata.
there
once was a man from rangoon
who was forn by the light of the
moon
he had not the luck, to born by a fuck
but was a wet
dream scooped up in a spoon.
there once was a boy from
baclaride
and he was his parents disparage
hb sucked off
his brother, and went down on his mother
and ate up his
sisters miscarriage.
there once was a pilot from k~2
who
buggered a girl down in taegu
he said to the doc, as she
handed him his cock
will I lose both my testicles too,
there once was a man from trieste
who loved his wife with a
zest
despite all her howls, he sucked out her bowls
and
desposited the mebs on her breast
in the garden of eden sat
adam
with his hand on the butt of his madam
he chuckled
with mirth, for he knew on this earth
there were only two
balls and he had em.
there was an old hermit named dave
who kept a dead whore in his cave
he said, i'll admit, I m a
bit of a shit
but think of the money I save.
there once
was a girl named alice
who used a dynamite stick for a
phallice
they found her vagina, in south carolina
and
piece of her hymin in dallas.
there once was a girl from
france
who boarded a train by chance ,
the engineer fucked
her, and so d the conductor
and the brakeman went off in his
pants.
there once was a man from bombay
who fashioned a
cunt out of clay
the heat of his prick, turned the clay into
brick
and rubbed all his foreskin away.
there once was a
girl named gail
between her tits was a price of her tail
and on her behind, for the sake of the blind
was the same
information in braille.
30
there once wasgirl from the azores
whose cunt was all
covered with sores
the dogs in the street, would not eat the
green meat
that- hung in festoons from her drawers,
there
was a young girl from peru
who said as the bishop withdrew
the vicar is quicker/ he s also a licker
and considerable
thicker than you
there was a young priest from dundee
who
wient in the garden to pee
he said pax wo biscum, I can t
make it, the piss come out
I fuess ifve got tl&t clap
there was a young girl named
myrtle
who was raped onthe beach by a turtle
the results
of the fuck/ was two eggs and a duck
which proved that the
turle was fertile
there was a young man from nottingham
who sfood on a bridge at buckingham
and watching the stunts/
of the cunts and the punts
and the ticks of the pricks that
were fuckin6ham
an argentine gaucho name bruno
said
fucking is one thing I do know
all women are fine, and sheep
are devine
but llamas are number uno
there was a young man
from new brighton
who said my dear you ve a tight one
said
she pon my soul/ you have the wrong hole
it s the one up in
front that s the right onf.
there was man from st james
who played most unusual games
he lit a match/ to his
grandmothers snatch
and laughed as she pissed throught the
flames.
there once was a man named mcgruder
who wooed a
nude in bermuda
now the nude thought it crude/ to be woooed
in the nude
but mflgruder was cruder/ he screwed her.
there was a young man from kieth
who skined back prickb with
his teeth
it wasn t for pleasure/ he adopted this measure
but for the chees he found underneath.
there was a young lass
named alice
who peed in the archbishops chalice
it was not
from relief/ as was the belief
but purely form protestant
malice.
32
there was a young bishop from birmingham
who diddled the
nuns while confirmin em
he brought them indoors, slipped down
their drawers
and slipped his ipiscopal worm in *em
there
was a young man from brock
who tied a. violin string to his
cock
with just one erection, he could play a selection
from johann sebastian bach
there once was a lady named lil
who swallowed an atomic pill
they found her vagina in north
carolina,
and one of her tits in brazil/
there once was a
pirate named bates
who was learning to rhumba on skates
he
fell on his cutlass, which rendered him nutless
and
practically useless on dates
madeline sbhflldt
I once knew a girl named of madeline schmidt
who went to the
doctor cause she couldn t shit
he gave her some medicine all
wrapped up in glass
up went the window and out went her ass/
refrain: it was brown, brown, shit all around
it was brown,
brown, shit all around
it was brown, brown, shit all around
the whole world was covered with shit, shit, shit
a handsome
young copper was walking his beat
who happened to be on that
side of the street
he looked up so innocent, he looked up so
shy
and a great piece of shit hit him right in the eye.
theat handsome young copper, he cursed and he swore
he called
that young madden a dirty ol whore
beneath brooklyn bridge
you can still see him sit f
with a sign round his neck saying 'blinded
by shit.
3?
w0u1d you like to sit on hy face
would you like to sit on
my face,
spread your ass all over the place,
stick your
pussy right on my nose,
or would you rather suck my hog.
qldnffl^lffleht
now i'm old and feeble,
my pilot light is
out,
what used to be my sex appeal,
is now my water spout.
I used to be embarreseb,
to make the thing behave.
for
every single morning,
it would stand and watch me shave.
but now i'm growing older,
and it sure gives me the blues,
to have the thing -hang down myleg,
and watch me shine my
shqes,
pubtc hairs
pubic hairs, you've got the cutest
little public hairs.
there s not another that can compare,
public hairs
penis or vagina, nothing can be finer.
pubic-hairs, i'm up in heaven when !m in your underwear.
I didn t need a shove to take a mouthful of your pretty pubic
hairs.
oh, the king was in his counting house, counting out his
wealth.
the queen was in the bedroom, playing with herself,
chorus: balls to your partner, ass against the wall.
if you
never been laid on a saturday night,
you ve nver been laid at
all.
oh, the bride was in the bedroom, explaining to the
groom,
the vagina, not the rectum, was the entrance to the
womb.
oh, the parson's wife she was there, seated down in
front,
a wreath of roses round her neck, a carrot up her
cunt.
oh, the village parson he was there, and very surprised
to see,
four and twenty maidenheads hanging from a tree.
oh, the parson's daughter she was there, she had them all in
fits,
diving off the mantlpiece, and landing on her tits,
they were fucking in the haylofts, fucking in the ricks,
you
could not hear the music for the slushing of the pricks.
they
were fucking in the barley, they were fucking in the oats,
some were fucking sheep and some were fucking goats.
oh, the
village blacksmith he was there, his hammer and his awls,
talking to the queen and showing off his balls.
they were
fucking in the parlors, fucking on the stairs,
you could not
see the carpets for the come and curly hairs.
the village
idiot he was there, making like a fool.
pulling his foreskin
over his head and whistling thru his tool.
oh, the village
butcher he was the^e, cleaver in his hand,
and every time he
turned around, he circumsized a man.
oh, the mother superior
she was there, a lying on the floor,
and every time she
spread her legs, the suction closed the door.
oh, the village
cripple he was there, not doing very much,
he lined up all
the little girls, and fucked them with his crutch.
and when
the ball was over, and the folks went home to rest,
they said
they enjoyed the music, but the fucking was the best.
hoibl
the nipples on her tits are as big as plums
the wiggle when
she walks would make a dead man come.
she's a mean
mother-fucker; she s a great cocksucker.
she's my girl—she
fucks.
i am eagle I am women
I am eagle/ hear me roar/
I am too big to ignore
paint me little/ paint me tiney/ pain
me small
1 can sort and pick and choose/
but somehow I
always lose.
I guess it's 'cause ive got no clue at all.
but they said in
upt that the eagle was for me;
that my hands were made of
gold and couldn t fall,
but my radar just went tits/
oh my
god/ a1n t this the shits.
I ve got phantoms and aggressors on my tail.
chorus
ye/ I
am wise but it's feeling from the pain,
ye> i've paid the
price but look at what tve gained
if I had to / I can do
anything
I am large/ iam invincible/ I am eagle/
watch me die.
as I
fly the speed of light
blowing both ways thru the fight/
I know that auto-guns won t let me down.
but ive got no
tally-ho,
and I don t know which way to 60/
so I guess it
s time to slwo this mother down.
but you never really know/
just which way the flames will go,
when both throttles are
placed up against the wall.
so I lie here on my back,
with
both engines rolling back, ,
when my gci controlller
says-atoll.
chorus
-a fighter pilot is not drunk
if he
can hold on to a single
blade of grass and not fall off
the face of the earth-