The Crusader Hyimal
TIE C:-USADr.RfS FIGH' SQIG (Tune:Green Beret)
CRUS-J3EFS in the sky
Charlie Cmg prepare to die
Rolling in with snake and nape
God creates but v/e cremate
North of Khe Sahn we did go
Then the FAC" said from belov;
Hit toy smoke and you will find
The NV-li are in a bind
I came in at 10CO fret
I saw them bastards beating feet
Dut they couldnTt run half as fast
As my pipper was on their ass
They counted casualties til ten
The final count was 1000 men
No more they'll pillage, kill, and rape
Cause we fried em with the Nape
CRISrY CRITTERS 11
TI!i; CKUS;\DERS IP51I Written in the ready van by Dick Hess
Lup Decastro, and nosy Greer
They came screaming from the sun
There was work to be done
Their sturdy craft \;ere manned by d.arinr- few
With their swords raised on high
And "a challange in their eye
Twas the fearless crews of 122
The troops there were waiting
They1 re chances fading
Their hopes of getting out v/sre growing few
Then a thunderous roar was heard
Came a screaming silver bird
Twas the fearless crews of 122
The bombs came raining in
Casting death upon the wind
The enemy w;*s finally subdued
A s the jets .were pulling out
You could hear ths troopers shout
ItTs the fearless crews of 122
So let all you who hear
In places far and near
Sing praises of the gall:\nd men who flew
And :s they scream into the sun
With another job well done
The IT.-RIF.SS CJuS'S CF 122
The Cms;-do • Hyrnrul
tk~ du:>y
You take a l?g from so oe old t.ble
You trie a arm from sorr* old ch.:.ir
You t lr a Ti'-ck from sons old bottle
Anc" from a horsesass you take : lifle 'vaJT
Then you put th-m :11 to - ther wit'o - little spit ^nd glue
And I got ipor- lovin idoiii that god-darmed
dummy than I ever got from you
. ******* G et out und yalk "
MARY JAIIC BARITFS 1
J-fery J:ne Barnes • as Lhe <?ueen of all the Acrobats
She could do tricks that - ill give thn frllo;'S shit*
She could shoot sgreen pea? out of her fundamental orifice-
Do a double-soirersault and catch en on her tits
She's 3 great big son-of-a-bitch tvice as big as ir>e
She's got hair on her cjs.i like branches on a tree
She can rim,fight,fart,fuck, fly a plane, and drive a truck-
The's the kfnc" o< girl that's gonna y.h.rry rr.e
MkRY DASH TWO
I love, to see I-.rary make vater
She can -<ee such jr or utiful stream
She can v-ee for a mile and o- quarter
A nd you can't see her ae^ for the ^tean
I!M LOOKING UNDER
I'm looking under a orrss {-and '.oncer '.by I never locked ba.ore
Firs. cot'.e the ankles .nd i.hen co^e the knees
Tchn co e the ;anti: s .-nd they s1 ay in the breeze
No uee explaining the one remaining
Is something * e all udore
I'm looking under a cress and vondart vrhy I n.^vcr looked before
MRS MlWPHY
Hang it in your ear Mrs. Murphy
For it only vei"hs a .-u.-.rtev of a iiound
It's got hdir around its neck like a turkey
A nd it spits when you rub jt up and oomi
6
The Crusader Ir'n^nal
W*s IT YOB WHO DID Wig PU3:;fN
VJas it you who did the push'n
Put th^ stains upon the cush'n
Foot prints on the dashboard u ;rde dov:n?
Tras it you whose sly wood pecker
G ot into my ~;irl Ribccca?
If it v s, you'd better leav e this to^ii
-t --Id.
Yes, It was I -bo rid th:; push'n
Put I,h~ -t inn uaon t-i^ cush'n
Toot prints on vhr* dash oard upside down
™ver since I laid, your daughter
Ifve had trouble .jass'n water
G uess we'll call it even all around!
l-EKlUS-riLl':—AN a NCIEET LCTC SCIG
In days of old there lived a j-de, wNo always did a roarinr; l.rade
A prostitute of ill repute, tbr* harlot* of Jerusalem
CT«.^:.U.:-: All ha/1 Hethus^lum, the harlot of Jorusalen
A 11 hail Ttethusclum, fho daughter of ike rabbi
1'cthusclum «/rfo a wily witch, a dirty whore, a son of a bitch
A nd all the peters they di$ itch that rankled in #ethus*lum
liethu^lum's hole "as rounc? sn6 rsd, for forty yea^s it had not olv-d
It swelled iurt likr it had fceew dead si.<:ce Vr-r founding of Je--wsaj.:\o
And'then thrvcr -livd a (iant tall vho -'it-i M~ -^iclc could dust a wall
He'd fornicated nearly all \;'~-n harlots of Jerusalem
CHORUS-
Them one cay J-ethuselum Look Ike ^iunt to a shady nook
A no from hn-* pants \:.~ oeter took the oride of all Jerus..len
GJ.'' aj
The son of :. biych as under-lun'-, h~. hissed her cunt and hit her cun^
A ne -owed th- seedr. ox many a ^oi-.i in <-he a^s-hole ol Hcthusrlum
c?t:.u:-.
Methus-lum al,f:.»y^ Imr-. .^er *ort, ^hr pucker up and let a fart
a nd ble-- Mm lHc a bloody d^rt over thr * clis of Jeruralrno
The Crusader Hymnal
YELLQJ ROSE CF JIM!OL
There's a yellow rose in Hanoi
Who loves a fighter crew
She runs the Hanoi Hilton
She longs to welcome you
Her father's name is Ho Chi I-onh
He has: a long goatee
And if you greet him nicely
He111 let you stay for free
Chorus:
Her eyes are shaped like almonds
And I'll give you a hunch
Try not to meet her family
Cause they're a nasty bunch
Fish heads and rice for breakfast
Fish heads and rice for tea
As long as they don't catch us
Ko fish and rice for me*
Ch, you may fly a Fhan;tom
Or you ioay fly a Thud
But if you fly to Hanoi
Then list en to me, Bud
You may talk of girls in Bangkok
Or Frisco Bay1 aid such
Eut the Yellow Rose of Hanoi
Is just a bit too much
Chorus
TiEEE AIE HO FIGHTER PILOTS DO-JK EJ FELL
(Tune: California)
Ch there are no fighter pilots dam in hell
Ch there aire no fighter pilots down in hell
The place is full of queers, navigatorsp bombardiers
But there are no fighter pilots down in hell
Of there are no Air Force pilots in the fray
Ch there are no Air Force pilots in the fray
They're all in USGs, rearing ribbons, fancy clothes
And there are no Air Force pilots in the fray*
Ch there are no Navy pilots in the scrap
Ch there are no Navy pilots in the scrap
They're all in BCf}'s reading Hav Air News
And there are no Jt-Tavy pilots in the scrap.
Ch there are no fighter pilots in the states
Ch there are no fighter pilots in the states
They're all on foreign shores, making mothers out of whores
Ch there are no fighter pilots in the states.
8
The Crusader ilynnaJL
GIVE IS affiRATlCIS
C.ive me operations, v/ay out on some lonely atoll
F<?r I am too young to die, I just i/anta grow old.
Don't give nae an old Shooting Star
She flys like a Kodel-T car
She flew i n Ko rea, 3b gives a diarrhea
Donft give me an old Shooting Star
CIICRUS
Donrt give me an 86-JD
•Tith rockets, radar, and AB
She's fast, I don't care, she blows up in mid air
Don't give me an 86J3
CIICRUS
Don't give me a one double oh
To drop bombs all over the foer
She's trim and she's neat, but she's now obsolete
Don't give me a one double oh
CIICRUS
Don't give me McDonnell's Voodoo
There's nothing that she irill not do
She'll really pitch up, she'll make you threw up
Don't give me McDonnell{s Voodoo
CIICRUS
Don't give me an F-105
Cause I love being alive
She's great for attack, she soads up more flak
Don't give me an F-105
CIICRUS
Don't give ir-e an old F/J)
With a navigator flying vith me
Her diheoral's neat, but she's gota back seat
Don't give me 'an old F4D
CIICRIB
BYE BYE CHEERY
Ch, back her ass ag ainst the vail here I come balls and all,
Bye bye cherry.
Ch, she cane once and I cara twice, Holy jumping Jesus Christy
Cherry bye bye*
9
The Crusader Kysnal
IPI ESD PUVE?: (Blue Heaven)
When evening dravs nigh, and passion runs high
J hurry to my red haven♦
A little red light, a turn to the right
Will lead you to my red haven,
You111 see a smiling face on a pillow case
A smile devine
Tororrow night she's sons other guy's
But tonit she's mine.
Just Molly and ne, there.^11 never be thnee#
"Te!re careful in ny red haven•
O'RIIEY'S DAUGIIT3K
As I was sittin1 in O'riley's bar
Listening to the tales of blood end slaughter
Case a thought into my mind
Why not shag 0*RileyJs daughter
CIICHDS:
Fiddley i ee, Fiddley i oo
Fiddley i ee for the one ball Riley
Rig a jig jig, balls and all
Rub a dub dub snag on
I grabbed that she bitch by the ass
Then I slung my left leg over
Shagged and shagged and I shagged some more
Shagged 'til all the fun was- over
CIICEUS :
Then came a knock upon the door
And who should it be but her Gcddai:;mned father
Two horse pistols by his side
Lookin'. for the guy who shagged his daughter
GILHJS:
I grabbed that bastard by the ass-
Shoved his head in a pail of water
Rammed those pistols up his ass
A damraned sight further than I shagged his daughter
CKCRUS:
As I go walking down the s&reet
People shout from every corner
There goes the God. damned son of a bitch
The guy w ho shagged 0?Riley's daughter
CIICEUS :
RACING THROUGH THE R3ICH
Racing thru the Reich, in a black Mercedes Benz,
Down the Autovan, on our way to France,
Down thru Luxunibourg, all the \:ay to Prague,
When we get to Paris, France, we'll kick those dirty Grogs
10
The Crusader Hymnal
OLD K/iTE
Kcj old Kate was a school marm, way out West
Till she decided she liked fuckin* best
How she'd fuck ! em all, and fuck for keeps and pile her victems up in heaps
Now, down from the mountains, from Half-Ass Greek came a blue-balled
bastard name piss-pot Pete.
Now ole* Pete had 4-0 pounds of swinging meat
And when he stretched it out upon the bar, it stretched from thar to thar*
(Hand movements*)
Nov; ole* Kate knew she'd met her fate, but to back out nowiras just
too late#
All the people went to the mountains to gain their seat
to watch oief Eete
sink his meat
Now Kate!s broad ass lo • ." the ground for miles around ,
She tried shunts and fronts, and double shunts and tricks unknbwn to
other cunts0
Then she made one mistake, mind yer just one*
Ifll never forget that God-awful day, when they nailed her tits to the
shit-house door and pickled her ass
in alcohol and set it in the city hall.
No soap, this side of hell could get out that God-awful smell#
SNAKE SHIT
TI YI YIPPEE
Chorus: Ti Yi Yippee yippee yay, yippee yay
Come a ti yi yippee yippee yay
I jumped for the saddle, the saddle wasnrt there
So I rammed 8 inches up the old g ray ma re
I \-Jent down to the cellar to get a glass of cider
There sat a bedbug jacking off a spider
I went upstairs to get a glass of gin
There sat the bedbug jackin* off again
I said look here jack this won't do
So I sat down and jacked off too
The last tine I saw her ---nd I haven11 seen her since
She was jackin1 off a big one t hrough a barbed wire fence
The last time I seen her she was floating down the stream
Mith her ass blowin* bubbles and her cunt a puffin1 steam
Well I laid her in the kitchen upon the floor
And the wind from her ass blew the cat out the door
Iscrewed her stand rn and I screwed her lying
If shefd a had wings ITda screwed her flyin1
GOOD? LA DIE Should you believe - NIGHT)
11
The Crusaders Hymnal
TIE SEIGBIG TEIEGRJU-I
Your son got killed today
He bought the farm Ha Ha%
He flew his F-4B right into Subic Bay
VThile flying high and far
Ch his horizon bar
Ho went down spinning, turning descending, H;ay too fast*.
Upon recovery, quite accidentally
He had a rendevous with a Friendly Sparrow III
• (pause) . . a e ♦ . FLY H.iVY
Dedicat • to the TJ3S RANGER
DQJ»T CRY L'iDY
Donft cry lady
I111 buy your God-Dam pencils
DonTt cry lady
IfU buy your flowers too
Donlt cry lady
Take off those dark brown glasses
Hello mother, I knew it was you
THE BLUE STAR
(Tunas I-h- Bonnie)
Take the blue sbar out of the v;indow mother
Replace it with one made of Gold
Your son was a good BAR man
He died in a whore house in Seoul, tough shit
Chorus:
Tough shit, tough shit
He died in a whore house in Seioul, tough shit
Tough shit, tough shit
He died in a whore house in Seioul, tough shit
Take the blue star out of the window mother
Replace it with a gold one instead
Your son just got hit by a mortar
It blew off his whole fucking head, tough shit
Chorus :
Take the blue star out of the window mother
Replace it with one made of brass
Your son was an F49 driver-
VIho yesterday busted his ass, tough shit
Chorus;
Take the blue star out of the window mother
Your son hasn't- go t an y nerve
He says he!s defending his country
But he's- just a God-Damn reserve <> tough shit
12
The Crusaders Hy.nal
riuzi wb: days or r&r
Ch the first cay of tct
My Waving gave to .e
A hand job in a GV
Second Day-----Ti;o brass ba£i *
Third Day-----Three ir::ly Bams
Fouriy Day-----Four bloun tires
Fifth Djy-----Fjv days in hack
3i5c:.b Day-----Six cays of duty
Seventh D.vy-----Seven O'dark thirty's
Fipjhth Day-----Zirrht smelly skivies
Ninth Day-----Nine ^ooks-a-giraiing
Tenth Day — Ten TpQ f s
eleventh Day-—Eleven AGWs
Tvielth Day-----Tuclve Drippy Dicks
PLASTIC At/l/W
O'h, I don't c .rr> if jt rains or frcezrs, long is I ^;ot ny plastic Jesus,
fjittin -^n t-c dash board of ny cir*
I don't ca re if ivc ro..ds r^t hairy, Ion,? t:s .'•". *ot r*iy olacrtic
l~&xy}
Sittin on the d.\sh bo..rd of -.-- car.
You don't h:ve to vatch vour b^avi.r lon^ a? ? on ^ot a suction Savior,
Sittin on thr d~rh -;o vrc~ os% yo\ r car ^
J15CUS SAVES
Christ put^ '-.is rconcy in ihe ■ irst national bank
Christ .ut:? hi:; . on v in tho """irst nutional bank
Christ ;uts his money in .he "irst national bank
Jrsus savos, J"?us savrs, J::rus s.ivn,.
Christ '-alks on a:aLer he's t-~e life ^uard ac our .;col
Christ alks on i.ater he's the life r-uard at our ^ool
Christ a*alks on -... ter he's tre life £ua rd at ou-- ooi
Jreus saves, J- r,tis sav s, Josns navs#
SUTTERfftANS
J-. st a bo-:l of buttovbr:ans
Pass the comhr4*d. if you please
I don't rant no eolorec greens
All I \?ant is £ bowl of butt«rbeans ♦
To the Digest Eutt r Bean of them all — JACK PROCTCR
13
ine urusc.aer nyuxicu.
STF-'J-S TIE VJ-.'M (Tuner-lake The Town)
Strafe the town and kill the people, Its the only thing to do
Set your gunsights residential, You'll get more kills if you do
Drop the napalm in the schoolyard, see the children run and shout
Hote the mass hysteria, as they try to put it out
Drop your snakeyes in the temple, see the zippers ±n the blast
Y/atch them trample one another as they try to save their ass
Shoot your zunis at the sanpan, pull up < uick to miss the fire
BABY V!:iPT YOJ LIGHT KY TI 3
Tir OCEANS A REN»t S£IE AJTYriGKE (lie Flies Through Tlie A±?)
Ch they fly through the air vrith the greatest of ease
Those darling young men in their A-4Es
They scatter their bomb loads all over the seas
And the oceans arenft safe anymore
EEFRAIH: The pilot pears through his bombsight
And the bombs tumble down in a roar
He says vere on target tonight sir
For ITm sure that's the earth down belov;
CFF !TF, GO
Off v/e go into the wild blue yonder---CEA SH
A nchors aveigh my boys---SPL A SH
Over Hill, Over Dale, as i;e hit the Dusty Trail--- COJGK, CCUGH COIGH
From The Halls of Montezuma----TAKE 17/ PICTURE!!
TEE G HCJCEEY STCRE (Tune: John Brown's ^ody)
01 _____________used to own a grocery store
He used to hang his meat upon the outride of the door
A 11 the little children cor.-.ing home from school would shout
Hey_________ your pork is hanging out
TIE TO\ST
Here's to the _______, the ______, the ________.,
Iteres to the ______, uhe Best of them all
He eats it, he beats it, He often ristreats it,
Ch here*s to the _________ the best of them all
s;la;-e qt yoq
Shame on you, Shame on you
Y ou just s;-.id a dirty word
Skiooer's gonna get you
SId.pperfs gonna get you
Skipper's gonna have your -iSSi
rage 14
DO YCWt? BALLS y*U4 LOv^
Tiddlc vinks young sen, $et a girl if you c.mi
If you can't jet a girl get a elsan old iran
From the lofty heights of Malta to the shores of old Gibralter
Can you do a double shuffle ith your balls in a can
Do yo ur k.lls ban? lov <s^ -/A*?y ^ujt*j<+ A*' **/^*/ £*o
Ccm you tie f em in a lenot can you tic fem in £ bow
Can y°u sudng 'em o'er your Moulder like a european soldier
Do your balls hany iov
choms
Do your balls hang ti^ht, ccn you hide 'en in a fig it
Can you tuck !em !neath yo ur am can you Ir-'-p 'em out of ha-m
Arc they tou-h enough to buckle up another *ans knuckle
Do your balls han^ tiyht
CfI..-IaJr"
Do your balls han? loose as loase as s goose
C-:n you slice rem <?ovn the hall, can you bounce 'em off a vail
Docs it really make you stamper when you hit !em with a hamuyer
Do your balls hang loose
CWJLUS
Do your balls hang down, v/ay down to the ground
C;.n you slide rem on the ice eras you crack 'en in a vice
Does it make your'breath co;ne ^uick when you stick 'em with a pick
Do your balls hang down
A sailor told me us he died
I know not wh*ather t'"*o b^tard lied
He hcid * v»ife with t»at so vide
That she could never be safi.sfied
CHORUS: arurn^h chugchug
Arumph chug chug
He listened Myself a gteat fucking idheol
F^isfcenpe. it io A pr3 ck of steel
Two b-.lls of hr«as£ h« filled with cesam
knd Lhe **hol*> fucking ^ ssue i*os run by steam
CV' J:Uo: aru!T.\-h chug ohufj
Mrujr-h chug chug
Around and e^ound u>ent that great fuckinr' uheel
In #r*^ out u/*nt fkx»t prick o" steel
Until at last thfi ^ider\ c^i.ed flaj—y
Tarry jru4.il>e I-1** sat isfied
15
Continued on nrj£t page
• IE 0 . T AUG; T'G II i L (continued)
The Crusad er II;amal
ITcv; t>iT is the talg. *? the flre*t orbit
There uas nc method r,f stop in1 it
The »\ja5d v?as torn fro? tu->at to tit
•Vnc. ihe e>*t«le rudlsgnr? i~sue vront u^ in shit
H ALLTT D-.i ALI^G
(Red lover Valley)
Ch your ass is liVr a tovc- pios T-Tellie darling
And the nipjles on your tits are turning jjreen
There's a thousand knats abounding rounf* your asshole
Your're the uslirst fucking hitch I've ever seen
There's a yard of lint -protruding fro:?, your navel
Vhen you piss you piss <3 st r«tw as green as g rass
There ' s enough vax in your ears to r*ake a cundle
~o T.Thy not/*aJ<« on« dcay. and shove it up your flr*s.
srzi:T -iIJGf-LT-U
\Jay coT;n in SI R&so, vhero horse shit is deep
And soldier boys winder v.'hi Is- Mexicans sl*ep
Lies sv/eet Anr^rlina the #irl I adore
That rough fucking, cock sucking fAexicjui uhere
Chorus
Sueet Angeling , my Angelina
»'y lov© for you will n-ver die
Sveet Angelina, ray Angelina
That rou^h fucking, cock suekdnj; Mexican XJhcre
Chorus
She111 fuck you, she'll suck you
She111 chey on your nuts
And }$ your not careful she111 suck out your gluts
T hat Meet &*$&£&. *fc« girl I ztore
That «*ouf;h fucking, cock suck'*n£ Hg.yitian i&k&re
TUB PALS T4&VO
I'-s not &\e paAc moon th...it excites >w*
That thills ondd*ligUts Ae, oJvrw,
It's your ass, lt*.^ your j.ss, It's your hi:; fat assi
16
^HTGS CF GOLD (Tunc: Bye Bye Blackbird)
yings of Gold, bars of brass
You can shove them up your ass
Bye Bye Navy
Ue don!t give a shit for you
Y oufve got a wife ITd lilce to, screv;
Bye Bye Navy
No one in this outfit underst nds me
Look at all the bull shit they all hand me
'Tings of Gold, bars of brass
You can shove them up your ass
Kcrt;f Bjtq Bye
10 KIIESFRCK BAT .IAK3
(Tune: Ch Top Of Old Smokey)
Ten miles from batlake
AH covered with flack
I lost my poor wingman
He*11 never come back
How flying 5s a pleasure
But crashing is grief
For a quick-triggered comtfie
Is worse than a thief
A thief will just rob you
And take x/hat you have
But a quick-triggered conr-de
'fill lead you to the grave
The grave will decay you
And xurn you to dust
Not one MIG in a thousand
A Phantom can trust
They|vl chase you and kill you
And feed out more lead
Than cross ties on a railroad
Or HIGs overhead
For the pities they will splatter
And the pilofs will die
You*11 stay in I Corps
And never more fly
The moral of tV.is story
Can plainly be seen
Stay east of 01t Diego
Be a stateside Marine
17
TIE .HOOD iECKER SGEG
(Tune: Dixie)
I stuck my finger in the wood pecker hole
And the wood pecker said, nGod damn your soul*"
Take it out, take it out, take it out, Remove it.
I took ry finger from the wood pecker's hole
An d the wood pecker said, "God damn you soul*
Put it back, put it back, put it back, replace it.
I replaced my finger in the wood pecker !s hole
And the wood pecker said, "God damn your soul.
Turn it around, turn it around, turn it around, revolve it.
I revolved.* my finger in the woodpecker :s hole
And the wood pecker said, "God damn your soul#"
The other way, the other wya, the other way, Reverse it.
I reversed my finger in the wood pecker's hole
And the wood pecker said, "God damn your soul."
Take it out, take it out, take it out* Remove it.
I-removed my finger from the wood pecker's hole
And the wood pecker said, "God damn your soul#
Take a whiff, take a whiff, take a whiff. Revolting.
VIRGIN STOEGBO! (Rueben, Rueben, I?^e Been Thinking)
Caviar corres from the virgin sturgeon
The virgin's a very fine fish.
Virgin sturgeon need no urgin'.
That's why caviar is ivy dish.
I fed caviar to my girl friend
She was a virgin tried and true
Now my girl friend needs no ujrgin1
There ain't nothing she won't do.
I fed caviar to vy Grandpa
Ke was a man of ninety three
Screams and shrieks were heard from Grandma
He had chased her up a tree.
Fed some cav iar to m y Grandma
She came down out of that tree
Then my Grandma and Grnadpa
Started to raise a family
I fed some caviar to my rooster
I f ed some caviar to my cow
Now the barnyard sure looks funny
All the cows hav e feathers now.
18
IIHIKY DI
Up in Vietnam midst high rocks and heat
The poor Viet Cong are feeling quite beat*
For as the fSaders roar by overhead,
He loiows that his buddies all soon will be dead*
II inky di, hinlcy dinky di, hinky di, dinky dinky di,
(Repeat last line of verse *)
Ho Chi vent way up to hot old Phu Bai
His prize Commie Amy in action to spy*
He got there a half hour after the U„ S*
And all that he found was their hats, ass and shces*
Chorus:
Uncle Ho Chi, your stooges have found
It just doesn't pay to invade foreign ground
For when they disturbed the serene morning calm
They brought on the rockets, the bombs and napalm*
Chorus:
Vie fought at DaUang and at Chu Lai too*
At Die Sahn and Ben Hai and Citadel "U"
So here's to our pilots and here's to our crew
The target., the snake, and the blue P hantom Two*
Chorus:
A POCT. -'.VL• TOR IAY DYIEG (Tune: My Bonnie)
A-poor ' ariator lay dying
At the end of a cold winter day
His comrades bad gathered around him
To carry his fragments away*
The airplane was piled on his breatbone
The Hamilton was wrapped 'round his head
He wore a sparkplug on each elbow
Twas plain he would shortly be dea d
Ho FT»?,t out a valve_and a gasket
And stirred in the sump where he lay
To mechanics who 'round him came sighing
These brave parting words did he say:
Take the magneto out of my stomach
Abd the butterfly valve off my neck
Extract from my liver the crankshaft
Th ere's lots of good, parts in this wreck*
Take the manifold out of my larynx
And the cylinders out of my brain
Take the piston rods out of my kidneys
And assemble the engine again*
19
The Crusader Hymnal
CUTS AMD GUTS (Tune; lly Bonnie)
j.Tavy pilots fly off the big ones
Air Force pilots aren!t seen over the seas
But vre're in the-God damned Marine Corps
So ve get these dainn CVEfs
CIIO US;
Cuts and guts, cuts and nuts
The guys that roade carriers- are nut, ..re nuts
Cuts and suts, cuts anc ^uts
The rjuys that fly off them are nuts.
C:JO?US
The ?;idv/ay has Ihousnad-f oot runvays
The Leyte eight hundred and ten
But ve5d not have much of 2. carrier
*rith tvo of ours tied end to end.
CiIOHJS
QUr carrierfs nared after an island
.\n -toll that!s called Sicily
If itfs size is the same as our carrier
That h-stard is under the sea.
chords
Oar ISOfs never give rovers
•Te don!t even know they can see
They say as ire crash through the barrier
"He was 0. K. vhen he vent by lie."
cuaius
Gar catapult shots are quite hairy
Our. catapult shots are quite hairy
Cur catapult ^ear is re3 hot
It never goes off vhen You're ready
And always goes off vhen You1re not.
CHORUS
Ve envy the boys on the bi ones
"■Je'd trade in a minute or tvo
!Cause vefd like to see those poor bustards
Try doinq the things that ve 60.
CIICJIUS
Someday vhen this fr cas is over
And back t El Toro veTll be
Ve!ll load up with rockets nd napalm
rmd sink all these damn CUE!s.
I JUST GOT W0ni?.R WAVF-OF? (Dattle Hymn of the Republic)
I have seen alov-dip and m co^e-on in the groove
I have had a hijrh and fast, but vhat^s it -onna prove?
The ISO vill Kill me yet but vhat you sonna clo?
I111 nake the bastard jump into the net.
CLCjRUS
I just got another vave-off, I just ~ot another vavc-off,
I just 200 another vave-o/f, but I nake the bastard juj::p into the net
If the rhxp is an ny vjbig lie says I!ja too'^ide she^m
-f he vaves j^ off agc*iA> y 1*^ ready and I'm set -£
I!ll »ake the bastard jump into the net. *
20
I WANEED WE1CS
I -ranted vings ftil I got the God damn things
ilov; I don't vant them anymore
They taught me to fly, and they sent me here to die
Xcve had my belly full of uar
You can leave all those rail cuts, for guys viho're o/f their nuts
Distinguished flying crosses do not compensate for losses
I wanted v/ings'til I got the God damned things
I!o\: I don't vent them anymore
I'll t ake the dames while the reat go down in flames .
I'v e no desire to be burned
Why is combat called romance it only made me shit in my ::ants
ITm not a fighter I have learned
To hell uith all the commie flak, I plan on gettin my ass back
I would rather lay a dollie than get shot up 5jq mig &lley
I wanted vings1til I got the God damned things
Moir I don!t want theDi anjinore
TCJTS AND TCNS CF ..VIATIC GASOLEE
(Battle Hymn of the Republic)
O.1 the ________t flies at forty thousand feet
On the________ flies at forty thousand feet
Ch the ________ flies t i'orty thousand feet
But it only drovs a rtTeebst veebst utst butst bomb"
CIICFlin ■•• •
Tons and tons of aviation gasoline
Tons and tens of aviation gasoline
Tons and tons of aviation gasoline
But it only drops a nTeensy veensy bomb"
Ch the c-130 flies at ten thousand feet
Ch the c-130 flies at ten thousand feet
Ch the c-130 flies at ten thousand feet
And it doesn't drop a God-Damn thing
c:;0uus
CIIOSIK EGT-r.VCIR
(Eamblin* "Wreck From Georgia tech)
Listen all you flyers I'll tell you one and all
About an earner pilot vith : ucb less brains than gall
He flow a v;eary Corsair int the rlorth Korean War
He made his fatal last mistake at the Chosin Reservior
Ke took off out of T"aonsan, flew north to Sudong-ni
Then shot a loaded Cfc:-csrt on the road to Koto-ni
He charged his guns and looked around for something else to do
Ke thought hefd find some targets on the plains of Hag'^.ru
Then a self-propelled gun in open vie1-; he sav;
Along a slight emoankiaent at the bottom of a draw
Uith such an easy target he didnft stop to think
It mi^ht just be a Hak trap of the v/ily Commie Chink
So eagerly he dove in so deadly vas his aim
Ke lcnev he'd get his target and the com-des felt the same
They got him vith the first shot he raever felt the jar
Ke nov; lies on the bottom of the Chosin Reservoir
21
•.!EfET. E VPTG ;\ FLDcnSHO-:
(Tunc: Ue: re having a Heat .'ave)
There's a fro\m on my face, cause I hate this fuching place,
Thy It's alnost like being in ho 11 ^
From the wa\- it appears, I've been he'^e for a thousnad years,
:.Thy it's almost like biting in hell.
IIow there isn's any uoney in the Group,
Cause the ;;lanes that v/e fly have no poop,
"Cut here's a ha :py note, as thej' cram it down your throat,
•:e're h-veing a floorshou, another God Dai.inned floorshou,
Ue're hiving a floorshov; Friday night(30 vear your blazer),
\Te!re having a floorshou tonight.
VEHE C^*A» BUIID A DAR
TTefre gonna1 tear down the bar in our tovm-----------------200
^e're gonna* build a nev bar___________________________F-:\Y
But only one
bar---------------------------------------------------------------300
Three miles
long-.:------------------------------------------------------------FAY
There'll be no b =r tenders in our bar---------------------------BOO
Ve're gonna1 have b^r maids--------------------------------------------K-'.Y
But our bar maids ^re gonna' v.Teur clothes--------------------BOO
llade of
cellophane-----------------------------------------------------------RAY
Beer's gonna' be fifty cents a glass-----------------------------BOO
Whiskey's
free------------------------------------------------------------------RAY
Chly one to a customer----------------------------------------------------300
Serverd in buckets--------------------------------------------------___——RAY
But the buckets have a hole in them____________________BOO
The boles are in the top-------------------------------------------------RAY
:rc-re gonna1 thro" all the bc^r in the river---------------BOO
Then ve'll all go svircning----------------------------------------------HAY
i!o girls allowed above the first floor--------------------------BOO
\Tith their clothes
on------------------------------------------------------RAY
You con't t^ke our bar maids Hone_____________________—BOO
They'll take you
Home------------------------------------------------------RAY
You c:?.n:t sliip uith our bar uiaiis--------------------------------BOO
They von't let you sleep-------------------------------------------------EAY
There'll be on lovin' on the c-ncin' floor------------------B"0
There'll be on dancin' on the Lovin' floor-------------------RAY
Parties Diake the \;orld go 'round.
Dd'VT KICK !-'Y iADDGG a.-CUKD
Every time I go to toun, the fellers kick my dog around
Hakes no difference id he is a hound, shoundn't outha kick wv dog around
CHORUS
^
Ual' me and Luke and Bill and Ted vent to tovm to get so::ie bread
V'hile ve \iere peerin1 in the shop, old liary got a big old chop
Every time I go to team, the girls all gather all around,
Hakes no difference if I an a hound,
these girls keep gathering all cround
**DCFfT WORRY ABOJT HE 3ULI5T THAT HAS YCUR H*»$ CE! IT-------------
IT'S TffCEE TIUT H'-VE "TGWHGWIT MAY C^WCEflN" QT TIE!-: THAT YOJ
SIIOJID T'0i;RY .13OUT*'* ''AYS ;iY Pa.-?Y..# aiaddog!!
22
The Crusader Hyimal
"!HY DO THE DAU1S
CIICRUS
\Thy do the drums go boom-de-boom, diddy
Vhy do the drums go boom-de-bOCn, diddy
"Thy do the drains go boom-de-bOOm, diddy
Uhy do the drums go boom-de-boom, diddy
H-E-L-L, I took my little girl up to Muila
But the fuck from her drawers knocked my bombs astray
She.fs a fucking mother fucker but I love her so
Shefs my little girl from !longapo
CIICRDS:
U-E-L-L,
Took my little girl to get a job
But the fuck from her drawers knocked the corn off the cob
CHORUS:
-;-E-L-L,
Took my little girl to see the Preacher
But the fuck from her drawers knocked the church off the steeple
CHORUS:
TT-E-L-L,
Took my little girl to swim at the beach
But the fuck from here drawers knocked the scales off the fish
CHORUS:
T:-E-L-L,
Took my little girl to hear; the band
But the fuck froia her drawers Imocked the band off the stand
CHORUS:
V-E-L-L,
Took my little girl to Larry's lair
But the fuck from her drawers loiocked la ^ry off his chair
THE SAVICJl CF I-EHSCHICO
Ky name is Pancho Villa, and I drive a Karman Gieha.
ITve got the gonnoreha, I got it fror Lucioa
She gave it to me free-aah
?ivc me my boots and rxy saddle
and i will fuck all the cattle
give me my pills and my :*ater
i screwed the wrong Spsinv^rds Daughter*
A3IIAU VALI£lr
ChJ Uho'll carry the mail through the Ashau Valley.
EiiAXY: IfU carry the mil through the Ashau Valley.
But there's lions in the Ashvu Valley.
A?PLY: Fuck t he lions.
You'ed fuck a lion.
AF.PLY: I'ed fuck a lions mother.
YOU LiaT :\TlirE FUCSTrU
TUEH TIE FUCKI.rG PAGE YCU DU!B S::IT
23
The Grusader*s Hymn
The Ashau Valley (Cont.)
But thier's Indians in the Asim. Valley.
yuck the Indians,
Reply: You,ed fuck an Indian,
I'cd fuck an Eskimo.
kgply: You cool mother fucker.
TIE IRISH Llv5 IISP
Chi You've got to be nimble.
You've £ot to be quicik.
To watch n Irishiiian handle his prick.
It's us long -~s his arm and as thick .s your T/rist?
And a knob on the end as thick as your fist..0
A GuTHERETG OF THE CLANSMAN......
was a GATir'Ri::1 o tut cia T-ice ;•.;•!, a. jtd all tie ladsu/eks tiers
a rciiiK' Or the lassies ahct'g tie put-ic hairs
CIICFJJS:
SETGItf' A P.(Jf/DG YOU LAST WIGHT, IIO^DC YA.1 MOO"
THE. LAD THAT HAD YA' LaST "IC'T, HE'S CAWAj' HAVE YF HOC
ME FA I^OJ'S DAUGHTER f-IE W.lS THERE, A SITTF!' DJSf I" :PcCTT
A -HEA Til QT RCS7.S IN IER H:\IR, .JID A CARROT Up HER CffiJT
CII0F.US:
tIF- r-RSCF'S '-'IT: AIB '-J..S IIITSE, 1EH .\SS AGAI"0T .-HE "ALL
A rn:iITIi" TO TIE LDDEAS, Ci]E YE CTTr=: . I1D ALL
cr-ioius:
Tir BRIDE '-JAS £' ME KTTCHEv', EXrIAINPTG TO TIE GEOQ.
t:e vagea;, not tif jt-ctu:: i~ tie eiitr jtce to tie vcis
CrOtUS:
tie ^u zi! ,:as r; tie iaifloa, cjo"te-to cot ieu 'Ealth
tie kitg ::as r* tie itdrog :■ laying '.-iitii kit**: if
CHORUS:
THE VILLAGE ID I Or IE " AS TiF AE, , SITE' BY 'HE FIRS
:'.tte";-j.E'G ;:ir:T'TO.,Tia' ■ ith at etjia' rurb^a the
CHORUS:
TIE rATOID COX SIE :rlS TIE'12 .. GIVE!' US THE SUITS
A LEi'I G (F TIE :iV*TTL .IPCS A_D BOJNCITG 071' IEF. TITS
CTHCRUS:
TIE VILL-.Gr. "LAJTY" II- 'AS ,.IivE, AITTIEG ar . FOE
IE 7UI.I3D HIS ~0.T'S;IL' CVT' III? :E:D, JT> 'R-ISTIRD THROUGH IBS IiOIE
CHORUS:
TIE7R V?AS FUCKE*' IF TH; i'AhL R, "TJCKD!' Tr TIT. HICKS
AND YOJ C ULDr'A' IE.-. TIE USIC TOR T?E S'ISIIE C OF TIE PRICKS
CHORUS:
NCI' TIE i-.RlY'S 3TR. TIRY'RS LL ROE ;{U F TO JEST
TiEY S.'.IB T!EY LIIED TIE 'USIC, BUT 'ilEY J IKED TIE FUCKE'G AEST
CH TAJS: 2A
The Crusader hymnal
T^as a dark and ntormy night, not a star was there in sight
:nd the Corsairs v;ere tied. down to the line
TThen in shit up to his ear, stood a lonely volunteer
*rith bis orders to fly old nuiriber nine
IJell his ass was racked with pain as he cliribed into that \;lane
md his bung-hole v;as puckered fit to tie
and he offered up a -prayer as be climbed into the air
For he knev that it was his night to die
As he flew over Hi.33.ru he could a school or two
See the women and the children very well
But how v/as he to know that he!d fly so God-Daim low
Tha t his bomb blast v;ould blow his ass to hell
In the wredkage he -as found with his r uts all over the ground
And the crunchies came and raised his weary head
V'ith his poor life almost spent, herefs the message that he sent
To his buddies so sad to see him dead
I used an eight to ten delay but it didn't work out that way
And with out a tail an FZb won't fly
Tell the shipper for me that he now has ti/enty-three
You can roll up the ladder, Semper Fi
■»
EARLY ABCRT
(Tune: llac Hama rafs Band)
Ch, my name is (HAME) I'm the leader of the group
You can step into my ready-room, and I'll give you all the poop
I'll toll you where the targets are, and where the flack is black
I111 be the last one off the deck, and the first one back
CIICRUS:
Early abort, avoid the rush, e rly .bort, avoid the rush
Early abort, avoid the rush, oh the ragrcdy-ass i>rines are on parade
Parade, Parade, oh the raggedy-ass imarines are on parade
Ch, I fly the F/J3, and :eoole say it's great
But when it co-.as to fighting I'IG's, those swept wings just don't rate
I was born to be a fighter jock, to grapple in the blue
But when it co es to fighting MIG's, I'll tell you what I'll do
CKOTUS:
and then I'm sure you anow of our leaders in the Ming
Any night in the O'Club you can hear how well they sing
Vith words they fight a belluva war, they say they will go too
But just you give them half a chance, and here's what they will do
cucrus:
25
TIE FRIAR IF GfftAT I^Hflft^
There v;as a friar of great renovm
There \ras a friar of ^;reat renovm
Shere v?as a friar of gre^t renown
And he fucked a girl from out of team
Tucked a girl frons out of town
GIICF.US:
Ha - Ha - Ha, Ho ~ Ho - Ho, H-o-r-s~e S-h-i-t !!
That rotten ole COCK SUCKER11
That dirty ole S3!- CF- A- BITCH!!
IUCK imili!
He laid her on a downey bed
He laic her on a downey bed
He laid her on a downey bed
And - Then - He busted up her maiden head
Busted up her maiden head
CHOFUS :
He laid her on the dewy grass
He laid her on the dewy grass
He laid her on the dewy grass
And - Then - He shoved his >>enis up her ass
Shoved his penis up her ass
CHORUS;
She said "kind Sir please cease and quit."
She said "kind Sir please cease and quit."
She said "kind Sir please cease and quit.11
So He bit her on her rosy teat.
Bit her on her rosy teat.
c::crus:
He laid her on an old Ckk stump
He laid her on an old Oak stump
He laid her on an old Cak stump
And - Then - He missed her ass and hit the stump
Missed her ass end hit the stunp
CIIOHUS:
They buried her on Chestnut Street
The^* buried her on Chestnut Street
They buried her on Chestnut Street
So he sat on her gr-v e and beat his meat
Sat on her grave and beat his meat#
CUCFiUS:
He laid her on the burial ground
He laid her on the burial ground
Helaid her on the burial ground
Ana - Then - He thought herd go another round
Thought hefd go another round 26
The Crusader Hyanal
THC FRIAR CF GREAT r£?!QTN (Conft#) .
V.e found her on the cold, cold ground
Vie found her on the cold, cold ground
■le found her on the cold, cold ground
And ~ Then - Ve ran the bastard out of town
Ran the bastard out of town
CKCRUS :
BIG 3ALLS
There was aman, Sir Anthony Clair> A nobleman beyond compere
.:nd he was famous everywhere as a man who could play with his balls
CHORUS:
Tor they were big balls, big and heavy as lead
t'ith a flick 3nd a twist of his muscular wrist
He could throw them right over his head
As he \-;as walking down the street, Afair young maid he chanced to meet
wlio tho't tvould be a helluva treat to watch a man play with his balls
CHORUS:
As he was twirling em round and round
j^own they came with a hell of a bound ,
Right on the head of his faithful hound
T'ihp was watching him olay with his balls
CHORUS :
They hauled him in ffore the magistrate
•fho put him in a cell of sta te
And left him there to cogitate
And play with his beautiful balls
CHORUS:
His trail was held without delay
In fact 'twas that very same day
The magistrate said I see no reason why
A man ca:i't play with his balls
CIICEU5:
YCUR MOTHER S'Z-S AFTSR TRJOP SHIPS
Aye, Aye,.^ye-^\ye your mother swims after troop ships
So lets hear another verse that's worse than the other verse
And waltz me around by my willie
There once was a hermit named Dave
l.'ho kept a dead whore in his cave
He said 1011 admit I'm a bit of a shit
But look t.t the money I save
27
The Crusader Hymnal
yojr *• anrn s-t-js ;itt?.r troc? an?? (Con't)
There once was a r;irl from the vest
T-ho sucked off all iren with great zest
•Jith voluptious howls
She!d suck out their bowels
And srit shit all over their chests
There was a young lady named Alice
VJho used dynamite stickes for a phallus
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And her ass-hole just out side of Dallas
There once was a fairy named Bloom
!#Jho took a lesbian up to his room
They argued all night • as to who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom
There were three monks from Taree
Vho vrent out in the £-irc3en to pee
Ch .basbomb cum pis cum why doesn't the poss come
It must be the C.L.A.F.
There onco was a man from Vlinock
Vfho played the bvss viol by cock
V'ith tremendous erections- lie boat out selections
2>y .Toh^nn c-ebrjst1an B ach
There once w-s a man fror South Boston
•Tho bought his self a new Austin
There was room for his ass and a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost them
There once was a young man named Clyde
!!ho fell in a cut-house and died
Kik«wi53c his brother1 who fell in another
And now they're interred side by side
There was a young man froi* Dakota
'■'ho woul&nft pay a whore what he owed her
So with gro-'t savicr favre1 she climbed on a chair
•'ind :issed in his whiskey nnd soda
There was a young nan from Kent
'.'hose prick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble he stuck it in double
And in stead of coming he went
There once was a lady from Wheeling
:.'ho had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back imicl tickled her creek
And pished all over the ceiling
2S
The Crusader Hymnal
YCCJK IIOTIER SWIMS AFTER TROOP SHIPS (Can't.)
There was a young nan from Dundee
*\Tho duggered ay ape in a tree
The results were most horrid, All ass and no forehead
Three balls and a purple goatee
Thevo was a young lady from Decater
Vho was screwed by a big alligator
Mow nobody knew the results of the screw
cause after he laid her he ate her
There was a young lady from Cibralter
Vlho accidentaly fell in the water
By howls and her swueals, you could tell that the oels
Had found her sexual quarters
There once was a pirate named Gates
Vho thought he could rhuba on skates
He fell on his cutlass, and now he is nutless
. And practically useless on dates
There was a young m an from St» Claire
'Jho was screwing his girl on the stair
The bannister broke, he doubled his stroke
And posished her off in mid-air
There was a young man from Bombay
vho fashioned a cunt out of clay
The heat from his dick turned the clay into brick
And chafed all his foreskin away
There was a young man named Glass
"Those balls were made out of brass
When ho clanged them together they played stormy weather
And lightening shot out of his ass
There x^as a young man from Sparta
Vho ^7as quite renoun as a farta
Ke could fart anything from God save the King
To Beethoven!s moonlight sonata
There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a fucking machine
Concave or convex, it could screw either sex
But oh what a bastard to clean
On the brest of a quail named Gail
Vas tatooed the price of her tail
And on her behind^ for the sake of the blind
• Tas the same information in Braille
There once was a man n^med I'.cgruder
•Tho knew a girl from Bermuda
This girl was shrewd and woofd in the nude
But I!cgrucer was shrewder and screwde her
29
The Crusader Hymnal
YOJR MCJPKSR StfES AFTER TFGO3 SHIPS (Can't.)
There once was a young gal from the Azores
Mhose snatch was all covered with sores
The dogs in the street loved to snap at the green roeat
That hung in festoons from her drawers
There once was a young lady named Easter
*\ho said to the inan as he undressed her
If you donTt mind use the hole behind
The front one's beginning to fester
There are iaany other verses to this quaint ballad, but we have to draw
a line somewhere — besides I can do anything I want to do** j.p#
SFVEN OID LtDIES LXKED IN TIE MVET'EY
Introduction and Chorus;
Ch dear what can the matter be
Seven ol ladies licked in the lavat'ry
. They were there fron Monday till Saturday
But nobody knew they were there
The first to come in was old Mrs. Flynn
She prided hers eld on being so thin
But when she sat down the poor dear fell in
And nobody anew she was there
The next to come in was old Krs. Bender
She came in to fix uo a broken suspender
It snapped and injured her feiiinine gender
And nobody knew she was there
The third to co.ie inwas old Mrs. Humphry
";ho when she sat down she found it quite comfy
f:hen she tried to {ret up she could not get her rump free
And nobody knew she was there
The fourth to come in was old Mrs. Brewster
She couldn't see as well as she use to
She sat on the handle ;md swore soineone goosed her
And nobody knew she eas there
The next to go in was old Irs. Slaughter
She vras the Duke of Effingham's daughter
She went there to pass off superfluous water
And nobody knew she was there.
The sixth to go in was old I-Irs. Hurray
:Jho had to go in a hell of a hurry
But when she got there it was too late to worry
And nobody knew she was there.
The last to go in was old ITrs. Sickle
She hurdled the door cause she hadn't a nickle
Caught her foot in the bowl: :rhat a hcU of a pickle
And nobody lonew she was there 30