Bastard King

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This wonderful 5 CD collection by Ron & The Rude Boys can be purchased for £21 for Non-UK buyers and £19 for UK buyers. The price includes the songbook in Word format emailed to you. Please note we do not sell these CDs. If you have order fulfillment issues please email Mike Williams ( leachim@btconnect.com ) the seller of the CDs.

Bastard King of England

Oh, the minstrels sing of an English King,
Who lived long years ago,
Who ruled his land with an iron hand,
But his mind was weak and low.
He used to hunt the royal stag, within the royal wood,
But better than this he loved the bliss of pulling his royal pud.

Chorus :

He was dirty and lousy and covered in fleas,
His terrible tool hung down to his knees,
God save the bastard King of England.

The Queen of Spain was an amorous dame,
And a silly old witch was she,
For she longed to fool with his majesty's tool,
So far across the sea.
So she sent a royal message, with a royal messenger,
Inviting the king to bring his ding,
And spend the week with her.

When news of this reached Philip of France,
He swore before his court,
"The Queen prefers my rival because my dork is short."
So he sent the Duke of Zippety-Zap,
To slip the Queen a dose of clap,
To pass it on to the bastard King of England.

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===== Buy the CDs for the full lyrics ====
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Ron & The Rude Boys
- Rude Rugby Songs: Vol. 1
  - Joke [Circumcision] Time: 0:38
  - The Lobster Time: 2:30
  - The Alphabet [aka Hey Ho Says Rolly, aka The ABC Song] Time: 2:40
  - The Engineer Time: 3:34
  - Balls of Kerrymuir Time: 3:38
  - Whoredean Time: 3:36
  - Ring the Bell Verger Time: 2:28
  - Barnacle Bill Time: 4:39
  - Thrashing Machine Time: 3:17
  - Dinah Time: 1:57
  - Sailor Boy Time: 0:45
  - Cats On The Rooftops Time: 4:05
  - In Mobile Time: 3:33
  - Black Bull Came Down From The Mountain Time: 2:48
  - Alluette Time: 5:02
  - Three German Officers Time: 3:18
  - All Queers Together [aka The Sexual Life of the Camel] Time: 4:24
  - Sing Us Another (1) Time: 4:22
  - Red Flag Time: 1:37
- Rude Rugby Songs: Vol. 2
  - Joke [Parents Deaf & Mute] Time: 1:26
  - No Balls At All Time: 2:06
  - Kathusalem Time: 3:25
  - John Brown's Prick Time: 1:49
  - Drive It On [aka I Gave Her Inches One] Time: 3:20
  - Good Ship Venus Time: 3:56
  - Fuck 'em all Time: 1:03
  - Lydia Pink Time: 2:49
  - Roll me over Time: 3:27
  - She Was Poor But Honest Time: 4:47
  - Life Presents a Dismal Picture Time: 2:07
  - Virgin Sturgeon Time: 1:41
  - Ring a Rang a Roo Time: 5:06
  - Woodpecker song Time: 1:31
  - May of Bayswater Time: 3:08
  - Wayward Boy Time: 2:25
  - O'Reilly's Daughter Time: 1:48
  - Monk of Great Renown Time: 5:24
  - Sing Us Another (2) Time: 3:48
- Rude Rugby Songs: Vol. 3
  - Joke [Bowl Movement Regular at 8] Time: 0:33
  - Seven Old Ladies Time: 1:53
  - Yo-Ho Time: 2:12
  - Little Red Train Time: 2:41
  - Twelve Days of Christmas Time: 3:10
  - The Rugby Song Time: 2:49
  - Oh, Sir Jasper Time: 4:09
  - Knobby Hall Time: 2:36
  - The Tinker Time: 3:11
  - Money Rolls In Time: 2:54
  - Bang Bang Lulu Time: 1:54
  - Darkie Sunday School Time: 2:44
  - Baker's Boy Time: 3:00
  - Oggie Land Time: 1:28
  - Grandfather's Cock Time: 0:49
  - Sambo Was A Lazy Coon [w/ "Asshole Rules The Navy" chorus] Time: 1:05
  - Christopher Robin Time: 1:06
  - Did you ever see ? Time: 2:16
  - Blinded by Turds Time: 2:28
  - A-roving Time: 2:41
  - Old Apple Tree Time: 1:57
  - Sing Us Another (3) Time: 4:05
- Rude Rugby Songs: Vol. 4
  - Joke Time: 1:19
  - Keyhole in the Door Time: 2:32
  - H. A. N. D. Time: 1:47
  - Sweet Violets Time: 2:48
  - Three Jews from Jerusalem Time: 4:16
  - Rajah of Astrakan Time: 1:46
  - Sombrero Time: 0:50
  - Ivan Scavinsky Scavar Time: 2:50
  - Old King Cole Time: 4:52
  - Hitler Has Only One Ball Time: 1:11
  - Sing Us Another (4) Time: 4:19
  - Department Store Time: 1:49
  - Carolina Time: 1:40
  - Us Devon Boys Time: 1:21
  - Wee Wee Song Time: 0:50
  - Toothbrush Time: 0:25
  - Four Old Whores Time: 1:30
  - Casey Jones Time: 2:21
  - Don't Want to Join the Army Time: 2:21
  - Bastard King Of England Time: 2:48
  - Doggies Meeting (spoken) Time: 0:52
  - Sing Us Another (5) Time: 4:06
  - Bye Bye Blackbird Time: 2:54
- Rude Rugby Songs: Festive Fun
  - Jingle Balls Time: 2:36
  - We Wish You a Shag at Christmas Time: 1:52
  - Fuck Off You Drunken Gentlemen Time: 2:32
  - Fa La La La La (Deck the Halls) Time: 1:40
  - Sing Us Another One (Xmas Version) Time:4:13
  - What Shall We Do with a Homo Sailor Time: 3:08
  - Sing a Song of Syphilis Time: 0:27
  - The Alphabet Time: 2:26
  - The Engineer Time: 3:18
  - Thrashing Machine Time: 3:02
  - Kathusalem Time: 3:10
  - Woodpecker song Time: 1:19
  - Don't Want to Join the Army Time: 2:07
  - Three Jews from Jerusalem Time: 3:59
  - Seven Old Ladies Time: 1:41
  - Christopher Robin Time: 0:56
  - No Balls At All Time: 1:53
  - The Lobster Time: 2:16

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