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Peach Fuzz Hash House
Harriers
Song Book
Sept 18, 2002
2
Song List
Song
List.................................................................................................................................................
2
Here’s to ……….
....................................................................................................................................
3
HERE'S TO BROTHER HASHER(S)
......................................................................................................
3
Her Left Tit
.............................................................................................................................................
3
HE'S THE MEANEST
.............................................................................................................................
4
HIS ONE-SKIN
......................................................................................................................................
4
WHY ARE WE
WAITING?.....................................................................................................................
5
WHY WAS HE BORN SO
BEAUTIFUL?...............................................................................................
5
WHY WAS SHE BORN A
BITCH?.........................................................................................................
5
SHE AIN'T GONNA FUCK NO MORE
..................................................................................................
6
FUCK (A DUCK)
...................................................................................................................................
6
SWILLIGAN'S
ISLAND.........................................................................................................................
7
INCEST TIME IN
GEORGIA..................................................................................................................
7
TWELVE DAYS OF
Hashing..................................................................................................................
8
YOGI BEAR
SONG................................................................................................................................
9
(I WANT A) GANG
BANG...................................................................................................................
10
HELLO PENIS
.....................................................................................................................................
11
I PUT MY
HAND.................................................................................................................................
12
MASTURBATION (FORNICATION)
...................................................................................................
13
FATHER
ABRAHAM..........................................................................................................................
14
DOUGH, RAY,
ME..............................................................................................................................
14
AAHLAWETTA...................................................................................................................................
15
DEAD
WHORE....................................................................................................................................
16
GANG BANG
LULU............................................................................................................................
17
THE S & M
GIRL.................................................................................................................................
18
THE S & M
MAN.................................................................................................................................
19
HOLIDAY
SONG.................................................................................................................................
22
Ball
game..............................................................................................................................................
23
CHICAGO............................................................................................................................................
23
Birthday Song #
1..................................................................................................................................
29
Birthday Song #
2..................................................................................................................................
29
Swing
Low............................................................................................................................................
29
MEET THE HASHERS
.........................................................................................................................
30
SOLDIER
SONG..................................................................................................................................
30
ZICKY-ZACKY
...................................................................................................................................
30
TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE
HASHER...........................................................................................
31
We’ve got Virgins
.................................................................................................................................
31
Where oh Where
...................................................................................................................................
31
Chim chiminey......................................................................................................................................
32
Que Sera
Sera........................................................................................................................................
32
DON'T SAY
NO...................................................................................................................................
33
I LIKE
COCK.......................................................................................................................................
33
I LIKE CUNT
.......................................................................................................................................
33
THE BUTTON
FACTORY....................................................................................................................
34
Rat Shit
.................................................................................................................................................
34
D.U.I.....................................................................................................................................................
35
BAGPIPE SONG
..................................................................................................................................
36
Disclaimer: These songs are from various sources and are reproduced here
only in the
interest of our kennel’s hashing pleasure
3
Here’s to ……….
(it has its own tune)
Here's to (insert name),
He's true blue,
He's a Hasher,
Through and through,
He's a pisspot,
So they say,
Tried to go to heaven,
But he went the other way,
So drink it down, down, down . . .
HERE'S TO BROTHER HASHER(S)
Melody--Ach, Du Lieber Augustin
Here's to brother (sister) hasher,
Bother hasher, brother hasher,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
He's happy, he's jolly,
He's fucked up by golly,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.
Her Left Tit
(Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)
Her left tit hangs down to her belly,
Her right tit hangs down to her knee.
If her left tit did equal her right tit,
She'd get lots of weenie from me.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
4
HE'S THE MEANEST
HE'S THE MEANEST
He sucks the horse's penis,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.
All he does is pound it,
Ever since he found it,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.
He's always pissing on us,
He's rotten and dishonest,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.
So drink it down, down, down . . .
HIS ONE-SKIN
(Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)
His one skin hangs down to his two skin,
His two skin hangs down to his three,
His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,
His foreskin hangs down to his knee.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
(optional verses)
Roll back, roll back,
Roll back his foreskin for him, for him.
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back his foreskin for him.
THEY OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON
Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
They ought to be publicly pissed on,
They ought to be publicly shot,
They ought to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot,
Drink it down, down, down . . .
5
WHY ARE WE WAITING?
Melody--Come Let Us Adore Him
Why are we waiting,
Could be fornicating (masturbating, etc),
Oh, why are we waiting,
So fucking long, etc . . .
WHY WAS HE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL?
Melody—Itself
Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He's no fuckin' use to anyone,
He's no bloody use at all.
(optional verses)
They say he's a joy to his mother,
But he's a pain in the asshole to me,
So drink it down, down, down . . .
WHY WAS SHE BORN A BITCH?
Melody--1st verse: Itself
Why was she born so beautiful?
Why was she born a bitch?
She's no bloody use to anyone,
She's only got one tit.
So drink it down, down, down . . .
6
SHE AIN'T GONNA FUCK NO MORE
Melody--Battle Hymn of the Republic
My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the whore,
Who had fucked all round Augusta, but had never come
before,
She'd fuck and suck most anything and she had a running
sore,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.
Chorus: Gory, gory, hallelujah,
Gory, gory, hallelujah,
Gory, gory, hallelujah,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.
The Religious Advisor said a prayer and called upon the
Gods,
The only way to make her come was with his divine rod,
But even with celestial help, he was like the other sods,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.
FUCK (A DUCK)
Melody--Do, Re, Mi
Fuck a duck,
A female duck,
Screw a baby kangaroo,
Finger bang an orangutan,
Let an elephant eat you,
FEEL the penis of an eel,
WHACK the asshole of a yak,
MASTURBATE with a gnu,
That will bring us back to
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck . . .
Repeat with motions, humming, silence, etc
7
SWILLIGAN'S ISLAND
Melody--Gilligan's Island Theme
Just sip yer brew and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a drunken hash.
That started with a keg of beer,
And everyone got trashed. (Repeat)
The first hare was a brainless cooch,
His co-hare was half as smart.
Two hundred some odd half-minds,
Took off in a cloud of farts. (Repeat)
The hills got steep, the shiggy deep,
The back checks had them fooled.
Then someone found the beer stop,
And everybody drooled. (Repeat)
The mud had sucked their sneakers off,
Their legs were ripped a lot.
But once they had their nectar,
The trail they soon forgot. (Repeat)
The moral is no matter how,
Much shiggy's on your trail,
A hashin' twit don't give a shit,
While he's swilling his ale.
INCEST TIME IN GEORGIA
Melody--Yellow Rose of Texas
When it's incest time in Georgia,
When there's no ass to be found,
Your sister's in the bathroom,
With her panties halfway down,
No time for masturbation,
No time to beat your meat,
When it's incest time in Georgia,
Screwin family can't be beat!
8
TWELVE DAYS OF Hashing
Melody--Twelve Days of Christmas
On the twelfth day of hashing,
My true love gave to me--
Twelve twats a'twitching,
Eleven leaping lesbians,
Ten torn testicles,
Nine gnawed off nipples,
Eight aching assholes,
Seven sucking sisters,
Six sixty-niners,
Five pubic hairs!
Four calling girls,
Three French whores,
Two shit house doors,
And a lube job in her fur tree.
________
Twelve heinous sins,
Eleven hashers drinking,
Ten tits a-swinging,
Nine S. C. B.'s swimming,
Eight whistles blowing,
Seven long B. T.'s,
Six puffs of flour,
Five frosty beers!
Four bimbos walking,
Three hares a-laying,
Two D. O. T.'s,
And a trail with a lot of shiggy.
9
YOGI BEAR SONG
Melody--Camptown Races
(Take turns leading verses)
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Chorus (repeat previous verse): Yogi, Yogi Bear,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Other verses:
Yogi has a little friend, Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo
Yogi has a girlfriend, Cyndi, Cyndi
Cyndi has a shaven snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly
Cyndi wears crotchless undies, Teddy, Teddy
Cyndi likes it on the ice, Polar, Polar
Cyndi likes it up the rear, Dirty, Dirty
Cyndi doesn’t have any teeth, Gummi, Gummi
Cyndi she has great big tits, More than, More than (I can
bear)
Cyndi gets four bits an hour, Jingle, Jingle
Cyndi's tampon has no string, Cotton, Cotton
Yogi didn't use a condom, Daddy, Daddy
Boo-Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala
Boo-Boo has a twelve-inch cock, Cindy's a lucky bear
Boo-Boo's only three feet tall, Yogi's a lucky bear
Boo-Boo likes it up the butt, Yogi's a lucky bear
Yogi didn't wipe his butt, Brown, Brown
Yogi uses Afro-Sheen, Black, Black
Yogi got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy
Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool, Wanker, Wanker
Yogi also likes young boys, Poofter, Poofter
Song ender: Yogi he has HIV, Dying, Dying . . .
10
(I WANT A) GANG BANG
Melody—Itself
Chorus: I want a gang bang if I could,
Because a gang bang feels so good.
When I was younger and in my prime,
I used to gang bang all the time.
Now I'm older and getting gray,
I only gang bang once a day.
(Take turns leading verses)
Leader: Knock, knock.
Pack: Who's there?
Leader: Ida.
Pack: Ida who?
Leader: Ida want another gang bang if I could,
Because a gang bang feels so good, etc.
Other verses:
Mister Bush/Mister Bush and came on her stomach
Ben/Ben dover and have another
Turner/Turner over and have another
Ranger/A ranger her for best entry at the
Oliver/Oliver clothes were off at the
Peter Meter/My peter'll meet her at the
Dolly Parton/Dolly's partin' her thighs at the
Tijuana/Tijuana bring your mama to the
Kissinger/Kissinger's great but fuckin' her's better at the
Betty/Betty'll have a sore dick at the
Europa/Europa to the bed post for the
Eileen/Eileen her over the sofa at the
Sharon/Sharon share alike at the
Hedda/Hedda lotta sex at the
Ima/Ima glad we had this
Eisenhower/Eisenhower late for the
Witchy/Witchy one your gonna fuck at the
Kenya/Kenya gimme directions to the
M.R./M.R. some nice-a tits at the
Charlie Pride/Charlie pried her legs apart at the
11
HELLO PENIS
Melody--Sound of Silence
Hello penis my old friend,
I've come to play with you again,
When those wet dreams come a-creeping,
I spurt my seeds while I am sleeping,
And with your helmet firmly planted in my hand,
It will expand,
While jerking off in silence.
In horny dreams I get a bone,
I beat off on cobble stones,
Beneath the halo of a street lamp,
I see a whore who's getting very damp,
For twenty bucks in a flash she's on her back,
She spreads her crack,
And twitches her twat in silence.
Those who see and do not know,
How to make my penis grow,
I whipped you out so she might eat you,
I stuffed you up into her maiden dew,
And then my sperm, like silent raindrops fell,
And turned to gel,
While jerking off in silence.
And the ants came out and played,
In the fucking mess I'd made,
But in heeding daddy's warning,
That mum would find it in the morning,
So I rolled out of bed and wiped it up with my shirt,
God, what a squirt!
Jerking off in silence.
12
I PUT MY HAND
Melody--When Johnny Comes Marching Home
I put my hand upon her toe, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe,
She said, "Hey Hasher, you're way too low,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee,
She said, "Hey Hasher, you're teasin' me,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit,
She said, "Hey Hasher, you're squeezin' it,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat,
She said, "Hey Hasher, you've hit the spot,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!"
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box,
From sucking too many Hasher's cocks,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then,
Fuck her once, then again and again
Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about!
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
13
MASTURBATION (FORNICATION)
Melody—Alouette
Chorus: Masturbation, I love masturbation,
Masturbation, I love to masturbate.
Leader: How I like to choke my chicken,
Pack: Yes, he likes to choke his chicken,
Leader: Choke my chicken,
Pack: Choke his chicken,
Leader: Masturbate,
Pack: Masturbate,
Chorus
Leader is now the next person on the right--lead goes
around the circle with each new verse, and all old verses
should be repeated, as in AAHLAWETA:
Leader: How I like to spank my monkey,
Pack: How he likes to spank his monkey,
Leader: Spank my monkey,
Pack: Spank his monkey,
Leader: Choke my chicken,
Pack: Choke his chicken,
Leader: Masturbate,
Pack: Masturbate,
Other verses:
Lope my mule
Rub my nub
Whip my lizard
Swat my twat
Tease the beaver
Flog my log
Stroke my snatch
Tap my gap
Beat my meat
Pull my pony
Yank my chain
Use three fingers
Moan and jerk
14
FATHER ABRAHAM
Melody—Itself
Leader: Father Abraham had seven sons,
Seven sons had Father Abraham,
And he never smiled,
And he never cried,
All he did was go like this--With a right!
All (shout/actions): With a right! (extend right arm)
Leader: Father Abraham had seven sons,
Seven sons had Father Abraham,
And he never smiled,
And he never cried,
All he did was go like this--With a right!
All (shout/actions): With a right! (extend right arm)
Leader: And a left!
All (shout/actions): And a left! (extend left arm)
More verses/actions:
With a right! (extend right leg)
With a left! (extend left leg)
And a HEEEE! (hump pelvis)
And a HUUHH! (turn around, drop pants, moon pack)
DOUGH, RAY, ME
Melody--Do, Re, Mi
Dough, the stuff, that buys me beer,
Ray, the guy who serves me beer,
Me, the guy, who drinks me beer,
Fa, a long way to the john,
So, I'll have another beer,
La, I'll have another beer,
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer,
And that brings us back to,
Dough . . . (etc)
15
AAHLAWETTA
Melody--Alouette
(Unsuspecting female volunteer needed)
Chorus: Aahlawetta, Shoneton Aahlawetta,
Aahlawetta, Shoneton Aahlaw-way.
Leader: Does she have ze stringy hair?
All: Oui, she has ze stringy hair.
Leader: Stringy hair,
All: Stringy hair,
Leader: Aahlawette! Aah, aah, aah . . .
Chorus
Leader: Does she have ze furrowed brow?
All: Oui, she has ze furrowed brow,
Leader: Furrowed brow,
All: Furrowed brow,
Leader: Stringy hair,
All: Stringy hair,
Leader: Aahlawette! Aah, aah, aah . . .
Wooden eye (Yes I would!) . . .
Broken nose . . .
Blow job lips . . .
Two buck teeth . . .
Double chin . . .
Swinging tits . . .
Beer belly . . .
Bulbous butt . . .
Furry thing . . .
Leader: Now isn't she a nice-a girl?
All: Oui, she is a nice-a girl,
Leader: Nice-a girl,
All: Nice-a girl,
Leader: Aahlawette! Aah, aah, aah . . .
Chorus
Leader/all: How I love her (repeat all)
16
DEAD WHORE
Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
I fucked a dead whore by the roadside,
I knew right away she was dead,
The skin was all gone from her tummy,
The hair was all gone from her head.
Chorus: Dead whore, dead whore,
I knew right away she was dead, was dead.
Dead whore, dead whore,
I knew right away she was dead.
And as I lay down there beside her,
I knew right away I had sinned,
So I put my lips to her sweet pussy,
And sucked out the load I shot in.
Chorus: Sucked out, sucked out,
I sucked out the load I shot in, shot in,
Sucked out, sucked out,
I sucked out the load I shot in.
________
My dead whore looked into a gas tank,
The contents of it for to see.
I lit a match to assist her,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me, to me,
Oh bring back my dead whore to me.
While nibbling my dead whore's festered nipples,
A horrible thing to discuss,
I thought it was milk I was sucking,
But no, it was only green pus, green pus,
But no, it was only green pus.
My dead whore's vagina was swelling,
A condition I thought would soon pass,
I stuck in my prick to explore it,
And she farted green gas from her ass, her ass,
She farted green gas from her ass.
17
I thought of a way of preserving,
My dead whore for posterity.
I'd dry her like a piece of beef jerky,
With a leathery twat just for me, for me,
With a leathery twat just for me.
GANG BANG LULU
Melody--Good Night, Ladies
Chorus: Gang bang, Lulu,
Bang away all day,
Who's gonna screw,
When Lulu's gone away?
Rich girls use kotex,
Poor girls use rags,
Lulu has a hole so big she uses burlap bags
(chorus)
Rich girls use vasaline,
Poor girls use lard,
Lulu uses axle grease and gets it twice as hard,
(chorus)
Some girls like it lying down,
Others on all fours,
Lulu does it standing up and gets six inches more,
(chorus)
Some girls work in factories,
Some girls work in stores,
Lulu works in a whore house,
With forty other whores.
(chorus)
18
THE S & M GIRL
Melody--The Candy Man
Who takes jumper cables,
Attaches 'em to her tits,
Connects them to a Mack truck,
And has orgasmic fits?
It's the S&M girl.
Chorus: Oh, the S&M girl,
because she mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good (the hurt feel good).
Who can jump a flagpole,
Land right up on top,
Wiggle down and squeeze so tight,
The ball on top pops?
It's the S&M girl.
Who can take a buzz saw,
Hold it to her twat,
Rev up the engine,
And perpetually squat?
It's the S&M girl.
Who sleeps on barbed wire,
Tossing left and right,
Just to see how many stitches,
She can earn each night?
It's the S&M girl.
Who can shave her body,
Pubic parts and all,
Swim around all day,
In a pool of alcohol?
It's the S&M girl.
Who rubs down with honey,
Just to have a chance,
To lay out on the lawn,
And be a picnic for the ants?
It's the S&M girl.
19
Who ties down her sweetie,
Every single day,
Covers him with rats,
And lets the kitties in to play?
It's the S&M girl.
THE S & M MAN
Melody--The Candy Man
Who wears pants with zippers,
And no underwear,
Then pulls them up and down,
And rips out his pubic hair?
It's the S&M man.
Chorus: Oh, the S&M man,
because he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good (Yes the hurt feel good)
Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take an old saw,
Rusty but still cuts,
Pull it back and forth,
Until he rips off his own nuts?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up your ass,
Hit it with a hammer,
And line your ass with glass?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take your scrotum,
Stick it with a pin,
Hang on a bunch of weights,
Till it drags down to your shins?
It's the S&M man.
20
Who can take your penis,
Slam it in a door,
Slam it in a door,
So you can't fuck anymore?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a sander,
Make sure it's Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you've got a bleeding pecker?
It's the S&M man.
Who would take a condom,
Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on the wife,
'Cause she twitches when it stings?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a mallet,
Claim that he's a stud,
Smash it on his pecker,
Till it starts to ooze blood?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take your penis,
Tie it in a knot,
Tie it in a knot,
Until the sucker rots?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take sandpaper,
Rough like fifty grit,
Rub it on her pussy,
Until she has no clit?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he roots her up the rear?
It's the S&M man.
21
Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a young girl,
Turn the lights down low,
Flip on the video camera,
And make like Rob Lowe?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a vagina,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And serve bread at the hash feast?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a vice clamp,
Clamp it on a tit,
Squeeze the sucker down
Till it pops just like a zit?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a cheese grater,
Strap it to his arm,
Fist fuck the bitch
And make Vagina Parmesan?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a transient,
Rip out one of his eyes,
Skull fuck the bastard
While he listens to his cries?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take some shackles,
Chain you to the walls,
Fill a glass with sperm,
By lancing both your balls?
It's the S&M man.
22
Who can take a Coke bottle,
Shove it up her ass,
Kidney punch the bitch,
Until she's shitting blood and glass?
It's the S&M man.
Who would use machinery,
To masturbate at work,
Rip off his left testis,
And pretend it didn't hurt?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head?
It's the S&M man.
Who goes to the abortion clinic,
Sneaks around the back,
Digs through the dumpster,
Until he finds a tasty snack?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a baby,
Throw it on a pile,
And fuck it up its ass,
Shis-ka-bob style?
It's the S&M man.
Who can take a pregnant woman,
Fuck her till she's dead,
Leave his dick inside her,
Till the foetus gives him head?
It's the S&M man.
HOLIDAY SONG
Melody--Let it Snow
Well, the weather outside is frightful,
But my dick is so delightful,
If you really want to see it grow,
Give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow.
23
Ball game
Melody--Take Me Out to the Ball Game
Whip it out at the ball game,
Wave it round at the crowd,
Dip it in jello and Crackerjack,
I don't care if you give it a whack,
Because it's--
Beat your meat at the ball game,
If you don't come it's a shame,
For it's one, two,
And you're covered in goo,
At the old ball game!
CHICAGO
Melody--The Bear Went Over the Mountain
Chorus: I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
I don't work there any more.
(Take turns leading verses)
A lady came in for a water-bottle,
A water-bottle from the store,
"Rubber," she wanted,
Rub her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a sweater,
A sweater from the store,
"Jumper," she wanted,
Jump her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some gin,
Some gin from the store,
"Beefeater," she wanted,
Eat her I did,
I don't work there any more.
24
A lady came in for a cake,
Some cake from the store,
"angel food" she wanted,
Lay her she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some carpet,
Some carpet from the store,
"Pile," she wanted,
Shagged she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a diskette,
A diskette from the store,
"Floppy," she wanted,
My Hard drive she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a whale,
A whale from the store,
"Killer," she wanted,
my Sperm she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some Air Wick,
An Air Wick from the store,
"Mountain scent," she wanted,
Mount her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some china,
Some china from the store,
"Porcelin," she wanted,
my Bone she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some stockings,
Some stockings from the store,
Stockings she wanted,
A hosing she got,
I don't work there any more.
25
A lady came in for some carpet,
Some carpet from the store,
Carpet she wanted,
Laid she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some nails,
Some nails from the store,
Nails she wanted,
Screwed she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a balloon,
A balloon from the store,
Balloon he wanted,
Blown he got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some wool,
Some wool from the store,
Wool she wanted,
Felt she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for metaphysical conversation,
Metaphysical conversation from the store,
Metaphysical conversation she wanted,
Fucked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a lollipop,
A lollipop from the store,
A sucker he wanted,
Sucked he got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for drain cleaner,
Drain cleaner from the store,
Drano she wanted,
Clean pipes she got,
I don't work there any more.
26
A lady came in for a pony,
A pony from the store,
Horse she wanted,
Ridden she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for some wheels,
Some wheels from the store,
Wheels he wanted,
Rimmed he got,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for a doughnut,
A doughnut from the store,
Glazed she wanted,
Creme-filled she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a throw rug,
A throw rug from the store,
Rug she wanted,
Rug-burned she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a watchspring,
A watchspring from the store,
Watchspring she wanted,
Boinged she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a T-bone,
A T-bone from the store,
T-bone she wanted,
Boneless round she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for toy sailors,
Toy sailors from the store,
Toy sailors she wanted,
Semen she got,
I don't work there any more.
27
A lady came in for a canned ham,
Canned ham from the store,
Armour she wanted,
Porked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for gift wrapping,
Gift wrapping from the store,
Wrapping she wanted,
A stuffing she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a beefsteak,
Beefsteak from the store,
Chuck she wanted,
Fucked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a novel,
A novel from the store,
Dickens she wanted,
Dick she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for cigarettes,
Cigarettes from the store,
Camels she wanted,
Humped she got,
I don't work there any more.
-bonus exhibitionist verses for harriers and harriettes-
A lady/man came in for some aspirin,
Some aspirin from the store,
Aspirin she/he wanted,
Crack she/he got,
(shoot moon)
I don't work there any more.
A lady/man came in for some film,
Some film from the store,
Color she wanted,
Exposed she got,
(expose dick/tits)
I don't work there any more.
28
A lady came in for a computer,
A computer from the store,
Apple she wanted,
My Wang she got,
(expose dick)
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a pet,
A pet from the store,
A puppy he wanted,
My pussy he got,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for some deoderant,
Some deoderant from the store,
Right Guard he wanted,
My right tit he got,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A lady (or man) came in for some Wrigley's,
Some Wrigley's from the store,
Gum she (he) wanted,
My bum she got,
(shoot moon)
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for molasses,
Molasses from the store,
Sorghum she wanted,
My scrotum she got,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A man came into Lost & Found,
Lost & Found at the store,
"My package, I left it."
I showed him my left tit,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a video,
A video from the store,
Free Willy she wanted,
Free Willy I did, (do same)
I don't work there any more.
29
Birthday Song # 1
Melody--Happy Birthday to You
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, you asshole,
Happy birthday, fuck you.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Birthday Song # 2
Melody--Happy Birthday to You
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
You look like a hasher,
And you smell like one too.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Swing Low
Melody--Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Note: gestures accompany words
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.
I looked over Jordan and what did I see,
Coming for to carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.
If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I'm coming too,
Coming for to carry me home.
(repeat with variations: humming and motions only, silence
and motions only, double-time)
30
MEET THE HASHERS
Melody--Flintstones Theme
Hashers, meet the hashers,
They're the biggest drunks in history,
From town of Augusta,
They're the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,
Watch them as they down a lot of beers,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down.
SOLDIER SONG
Melody--Itself
Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, to fight for my country,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
A soldier I will be.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
ZICKY-ZACKY
The purpose of the zicky-zacky chant is to point out breaches in circle
etiquette--members of the circle surround the offender and repeat chant
loudly:
Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!
Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!
Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!
. . . and so on until offender completes a down-down . . .
alternatively, the zicky-zacky chant can be performed
whenever someone screws up a verse in a hash song (of
course, the offending singer must immediately do a downdown
while the pack chants).
31
TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE HASHER
Melody--Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
Twinkle, twinkle, little Hasher,
Can't you suck a little faster?
Down upon my meat so slow,
Like a whale about to blow,
Twinkle, twinkle, little Hasher,
Can't you suck a little faster?
We’ve got Virgins
We’ve got virgin,
We’ve got virgins
At our hash
At our hash,
Going to get them drunked up,
Going to get them fucked up,
In the ass,
Down the hatch,
Drink it down down………
Where oh Where
Melody: Hee Haw’s where oh where were you last week
Where oh where were you last week,
Why did you make us hash all alone
You fat lazy bastards you weren’t even here,
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the beer.
Drink it down down ……………
32
Chim chiminey
Melody: From the Mary Poppins Song
Late one evening, out by the pond
My fairy God mother went nuts with her wand
She fucked up the words, she was half in the bag
Now the pumpkin’s a sumo who dresses in drag.
Chim Chiminey Chim Chiminey Chim Chim Churee
I’ve got the balls of a rhino, the dick of a flea
Chim Chiminey, Chim Chiminey, Chim Chim Churoo
I can see by your face that she fucked you up too.
I may not have much, but its enough to fuck you…….
Que Sera Sera
Melody: Doris Day tune
When I was a young boy,
I asked my sister to give me some head
She made me promise not to come in her mouth
So I came on her face instead
(chorus)Que sera sera
What ever will be will be
She shouldn’t have trusted me
Que sera sera
When I was a young lad
I used to beat off a whole fucking bunch
Mom made me promise not to come on her sheets
So I came in her Captain Crunch
(chorus)
When I was a young man
I asked a women to take me to bed
She made me promise to practice safe sex
So I came in her ass instead
(Chorus)
When I’m an old man
I will still be a horny old guy
Women will make me promise them things
But I tell you I’m going to lie
(Chorus)
33
DON'T SAY NO
Melody--???
Oh my darling, don't say no,
Onto the sofa you must go.
Up with your petticoat,
Down with your drawers,
You tickle mine,
And I'll tickle yours.
I LIKE COCK
Melody--Three Blind Mice (only girls sing this one)
I like cock,
I like cock,
See how they rise,
See how they rise,
They fit so nicely and feel so grand,
They come in all sizes, all shapes and brands,
There's nothing finer than making them stand,
'Cause I like cock,
I like cock.
I LIKE CUNT
Melody--Three Blind Mice
I like cunt,
I like cunt,
Ain't it cute,
Ain't it cute?
Up against railings I've often stood,
Fucking young ladies and doing them good,
It's so much better than pulling your pud,
'Cause I like cunt,
I like cunt.
34
THE BUTTON FACTORY
Melody--???
Chorus: My name is Joe,
I work at the button factory,
All day long I work making buttons,
The other day my boss come up to me
And he says, "Joe are you busy?"
I say, "No"--he says to me,
Words & actions:
Move your left hand.
Move your right hand.
Move your left elbow.
Move your right elbow.
Move your left leg.
etc . . .
Last chorus: My name is Joe,
I work at the button factory,
All day long I work making buttons,
The other day my boss come up to me
And he says, "Joe are you busy?"
I say, "YES!"
Rat Shit
Rat shit, bat shit, musty old twat
39 assholes tied in a knot
eat some, bite some, nibble gobble chew
If you ain’t/didn’t (something)
Hey fuck you………Drink it down down………
35
D.U.I.
Melody--Jingle Bells
Suckin down a beer
Feelin' pretty loose
Just killed off a fifth
We're running out of booze.
I got Grandmas' keys
Lets go for a ride
What fun it is
To get so stinkin' drunk that you can't drive!
Oh! DUI, DUI, life is just a game.
Oh what fun it is to ride in someone elses' lane.
Oh! DUI, DUI, throw up on the dash.
We'd go to the liquor store but we ain't got no cash!
Sliding 'round the curve
In Grandma's Cadillac.
She won't even notice
If we don't bring it back (She's old!).
Look at all the sparks
Flashin' from the side.
That gaurd rail sure is close
I think we're gonna die!
Oh! DUI, DUI, fearless guys are we.
Someone roll the window down, I really gotta pee.
Oh! DUI, DUI, ride up on the curb.
Hit that asshole on the sidewalk, it's too late to swerve!
Riding through the town
Running every light
And if we find some Arabs
We're gonna start a fight (That's right!).
We would stop for breakfast
But we just hit a truck.
Grandma's got insurance
So we don't give a *BELCH!*
Oh! DUI, DUI, cops are on our ass.
Watch me push 'em off the road as they begin to pass.
Oh! DUI, DUI, now we're goin' to jail.(slowly)
Someone better call Grandma
So she can post . . .our . . .bail!
36
BAGPIPE SONG
Melody--Scotland the Brave
Here's to the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Augusta Hash.
Chorus (hold chair upside down to simulate bagpipes; make
droning sound and tap throat to form notes):
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na . . .
Then there was the jockey with his upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Augusta Hash.
Then there was the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Augusta Hash.
Then there was the queerie who was leerin' through his
beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Augusta Hash.
Then there was the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his
beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Augusta Hash.
Then there was the HASHER who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car
lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his
beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Augusta Hash.
37
Then there was the wenchy doin' down-down on a benchie,
For the pleasure o' the HASHER who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car
lot,
To support the a'queerie who was leerin' through his
beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Augusta Hash.
Now the moral o' this ditty is when in Augusta City,
And you're with your favorite girlie chasin' hairs all
short and curly,
Just remember to take her hashin' and to give her a good
bashin',
And keep her away from the wenchy doing down-down on the
benchie,
For the pleasure o' the HASHER who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car
lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his
beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Augusta Hash.