Bastard King

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Oh, the minstrels sing of an English King,
Many long years ago,
He ruled the land with an iron hand,
But his mind was weak and low.
He loved to hunt the royal stag, 
Which run the royal wood,
But better by far he loved sit 
And pound the royal pud.

He was lousy and dirty and covered in fleas,
The hair on his balls hung down to his knees,
God bless the bastard King of England.

Now the Queen of Spain was an amorous Jane,
And a silly old witch was she,
She loved to fool with the royal tool,
Far across the sea.
So she sent a royal message, with a royal messenger,
To invite the king of England,
Down to spend the night with her.

Now the King Philip of France hear of this
And summoned his royal court,
He said "She loves my rival more 
Because my tool is short."
So he sent the Duke of Suffering back
To give the Queen a dose of clap,
To pass it on to the bastard King of England.

When the King of England heard of this,
Within the royal halls,
He up and swore by the royal hall,
He'd have the Frenchman's balls.
He open up the royal purse 
And a piece of the Queen's innocence,
To any British subject who would do the King of France.

So the noble Duke of Middlesex,
He took himself to France,
He swore he was a fairy, 
So the King let drop pants.
On Philip's dong he slipped a thong,
Jumped on his horse and galloped along,
Dragging the Frenchman back to merry England.

When they returned to London town,
Within fair England's shore,
Because the ride, Philip's pride
Was stretched a yard or more.
And all the whores in silken drawers,
Came down to London town,
And shouted around the battlements,
"To hell with the British crown !"

Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam, 
Five Chinese crackers up yer asshole 
Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, BANG.

• Padmini Music under License from Tempo records [Australia]
  •  Bang Bang Lulu
    • Boy Meets Girl  Time: 2:38
    • The Woodpecker's Hole  Time: 1:54
    • Roll Me Over in the Clover  Time: 2:25
    • Freckles  Time: 1:38
    • Whoredean School  Time: 3:33
    • The More Vulgar Minded  Time: 2:06
    • O'Reiley's Daughter  Time: 2:06
    • Little Red Hen  Time: 0:56
    • Bang Bang Lulu  Time: 3:13
    • Bullshit  Time: 2:39
    • The Mayor of Bayswater  Time: 2:16
    • Bastard King of England  Time: 3:33

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