Thais
One time in Alexandria, in wicked Alexandria,
Where nights were wild with revelry and life was but a dream,
There lived, so the report is, an adventuress and courtesan—
The pride of Alexandria, and Thais was her name.
Nearby in peace and piety, avoiding all society,
Some holy men had built a refuge there.
And in this desert solitude they spurned all earthly folly
To devote their lives to fasting and to prayer.
Now one monk, whom I solely mention of this group of holy men,
Was known as Athaniel; he was famous near and far.
At fasting bouts or prayer, with him no other could compare with
him.
At grand and lofty praying he could do the course in par.
One day while sleeping heavily from wrestling with the devil,
He had gone to bed exhausted while the sun was shining still
He dreamed of Alexandria, of wicked Alexandria.
A crowd of men were cheering in a manner rather rude
As Thai's was a-dancing there.
Athaniel, glancing there, observed her to do the shimmy,
In what the artists call the nude.
Said he, "This dream fantastical disturbs my thoughts monastical;
Some unsuppressed desire, I fear, has found my monkish cell.
I blushed up to the Hato'me to view that girl's anatomy.
I'll go to Alexandria and save her soul from hell."
So, pausing not to wonder where he'd put his summer underwear,
He quickly packed his evening clothes, a toothbrush and a vest.
To guard against exposure, he threw in some woolen hosiery
And, bidding all the boys goodbye, he started on his quest.
The monk, though warned and fortified,
Was shocked and deeply mortified
To find on his arrival wild debauchery in sway;
While some lay in a stupor sent by booze of more than two per
cent,
The others were behaving in a most immoral way.
Said he to Thai's, "Pardon me, although this job is hard on me,
I got to put you wise to what I came down here to tell.
What's all this sousin' gettin' you? Cut out this pie-eyed retinue;
Let's hit the trail together, kid, and save your soul from hell."
Although this bold admonishment caused Thais some astonishment,
She coyly answered, "Say, you said a heapin' mouthful, Joe.
This burg's a frost; I'm tellin' you the brand of hooch they're
sellin' you
Ain't like the stuff we used to drink. So let's pack up and go."
So forth from Alexandria, from wicked Alexandria,
Across the desert sands they go beneath the blazing sun
Till Thais, parched and sweltering, finds refuge in the sheltering
seclusion of a convent in the habit of a nun.
And now the monk is terrified to find his fears are verified.
His holy vows of chastity have cracked beneath the strain,
Like one who has a jag on, he cries in agony,
"I'd sell my soul to see her do the shimmy once again!"
But though his pleadings clamorous, though passionate and amorous,
Are too late, for Thai's danced her final dance.
Says he, "Now that's a joke on me, for that there dame to croak on
me.
I hadn't oughter passed her up the time I had the chance."
- The Blazers
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More College Drinking Songs
- Glorious Beer Time: 1:10
- Carry Carry To The Ferry Time: 0:25
- Sweet Evaline Time: 0:55
- The Williams Man Who's Far, Far Away Time: 2:13
- Aura Lee (Tune - Love Me Tender) Time: 3:02
- That's Where My Money Goes Time: 0:40
- Chasin' Women Time: 2:02
- Abdullah Bulbul Amir Time: 3:57
- Silver Dollar Time: 0:45
- A Man Without A Woman Time: 0:38
- Down And Out Time: 0:49
- Thais Time: 3:55
- Tavern In The Town Time: 0:55
- Ain't It Hard Time: 0:43
- Good Old Beer (With 'Rolling Home By The Light Of The Silvery Moon') Time: 1:04
- Foggy Dew Time: 2:47
- Her Mother Never Told Her [aka The Lady In Red] Time: 2:06
- We'd Rather Have Bad Beer Than None Time: 1:06
- Vive La Compagnie Time: 0:56
- Let Us Drink Time: 1:38
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