Boston Hash Hymnal (2006)

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Below is the raw text of the Boston Hash House Harrier Songbook.  If you wish to verify the text, please download the original PDF file.

Draft 2.69

Father Abraham.............................................................................................................5
Father Birmingham.........................................................................................................5
Head, Shoulders, Tits and Ass..........................................................................................5
The Hokey Pokey............................................................................................................5
My Name Is Joe/Button Factory........................................................................................5

A Prayer/Balls To Mr. Bengelstein......................................................................................6
The Hairs Of Her Dickey Di Do..........................................................................................6

Why Are We Waiting?......................................................................................................7
Here’s To.......................................................................................................................7
A Short Hymn................................................................................................................7
Another Short One..........................................................................................................7
Bullshit........................................................................................................................7
A Soldier I Will Be...........................................................................................................7
The Gravity Test.............................................................................................................7
He’s The Meanest...........................................................................................................7
Meet The Hashers...........................................................................................................7
Put It In Your Hands, Mrs. Murphy....................................................................................8
Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder..................................................................................8
S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L.....................................................................................................8
They Ought To Be Publicly Pissed On.................................................................................8
Twenty Toes..................................................................................................................8
Visitors........................................................................................................................8
What A Wank.................................................................................................................8
Why Were They Born So Beautiful.....................................................................................8
Ziggy-Zoggy..................................................................................................................8

Alouette.......................................................................................................................9
As I Was Walking Through St. Paul’s.................................................................................9
At The Gang Bang..........................................................................................................9
The Bagpipe Song.........................................................................................................10
Bestiality’s Best............................................................................................................11
By The Light Of The Flickering Match...............................................................................11
Do Re Mi.....................................................................................................................11
Do Your Balls Hang Low?...............................................................................................12
Drive It Home..............................................................................................................12
The End Of The Month...................................................................................................13
The Engineer Song........................................................................................................13
Follow The Hares..........................................................................................................14
Friggin’ In The Riggin’...................................................................................................14
Give Me That Good Old Vino...........................................................................................15
Has Anyone Seen My Cock?...........................................................................................15

melody: unknown.........................................................................................................15
The Hash House Harriers...............................................................................................15
Head..........................................................................................................................15
Hot Vagina..................................................................................................................16
I Don’t Want To Join The Army.......................................................................................16 3

I Love My Girl..............................................................................................................16
I Used To Work In Chicago.............................................................................................17
Jesus Saves (Free Beer For All The Hashers)....................................................................17
The Masturbation Song..................................................................................................18
The Monks Of Saint Bernard’s.........................................................................................18
More Beer...................................................................................................................18
My Girl’s A Vegetable....................................................................................................18
My One-Skin................................................................................................................18
My Penis Has A First Name.............................................................................................18
On Trail One Day..........................................................................................................19
Pissonya......................................................................................................................19
The S&M Man...............................................................................................................20
The Story Of The Boston Hashers....................................................................................20
There Was A Little Bird..................................................................................................21
There’s A Skeeter On My Peter.......................................................................................21
When I Was A Little Girl.................................................................................................22
When It’s Hog Calling Time In Nebraska..........................................................................22
Whip It Out At The Ballgame..........................................................................................22
The Wild West Show.....................................................................................................22
The Woodpecker Song...................................................................................................23
Yogi Bear....................................................................................................................23 4

Father Abraham old camp song melody

Father Abraham Had seven sons Seven sons had Father Abraham And they never laughed And they never cried All they did was go like this With the right

...And the left (Wave left hand) ...And the right (Kick right foot out) ...And the left (Kick left foot out) ...And an "OOH!" (Thrust butt backwards) ...And an "AAH!" (Thrust pelvis forwards)
Final run of chorus, all motions included; end with:

"OOH! AAH!"

variation on Father Abraham, written by The JizzMoppa

Father Birmingham Likes altar boys Altar boys like Father Birmingham ‘Cause he makes ‘em laugh And he makes ‘em cry When he touches them in the rectory With the right finger

...And the left finger (Jab left finger) ...And the right toe (Kick right toe out) ...And the left toe (Kick left toe out) ...And an "AAH!" (Thrust butt backwards) ...And a "MEN!" (Thrust pelvis forwards)
Final run of chorus, all motions included; end with:

"AAH! MEN!"

Head, shoulders, tits and ass, tits and ass Head, shoulders, tits and ass, tits and ass (...) Eyes and ears and mouth and nose (...) Head, shoulders, tits and ass, tits and ass (...)
(Touch each body part as it is named)

You put your right tit in You take your right tit out You put your right tit in And you shake it all about You do the hokey pokey And you turn yourself around That’s what it’s all about

Left tit, ass/right cheek/left cheek, balls, dick, hoo-hah, etc...

Hi, my name is Joe And I work in a button factory I’ve got a wife ("She’s a bitch!") And three kids ("They’re all brats!") (Alternate response: "One’s gay, that’s okay...") One day My boss comes up to me and says, "Joe! Are you busy?" I said, "No..." He said, "Could you push a button with your..."

..."Joe! Are you busy?" I said, "YES!!"
5

A prayer, a prayer A prayer for the dehydrated BEER!
A prayer, a prayer A prayer for the constipated SHIT!
A prayer, a prayer A prayer for the frustrated FUCK!
A prayer, a prayer A prayer for the castrated BALLS...

Balls to Mr. Bengelstein Bengelstein, Bengelstein Balls to Mr. Bengelstein Dirty old man
He sits on the steeple And shits on the people Balls to Mr. Bengelstein Dirty old man
He keeps us all waiting While he’s masturbating Balls to Mr. Bengelstein Dirty old man

And the hairs, and the hairs And the hairs of her dickey di do Hung down to her knees

One black one, one white one And one with a little shite on And one with a tiny light on To show us the way

She came down from Taunton All lurid and wanton And the hairs of her dickey di do... (etc.)

Her name now was Lydia She was wracked with chlamydia...
She sits on the waterfront With the waves lapping up and down her cunt...
She married an Italian Who was hung like a stallion...
She divorced the Italian And married the stallion...
It’s icky, it’s gooey It tastes like chop suey...
I’ve stroked ‘em, I’ve poked ‘em I’ve rolled ‘em up and smoked ‘em...
You’d have to be a coal miner To find her vagina...
I folded her lips back And I found a six-pack...
If she were my daughter I’d give her vinegar and water...
Her hairs were so mangled Her first-born was strangled...
She went to Arabia And got camel drool on her labia...
I reached into her thing And I found my class ring...
She came down to Boston With a cunt you could get lost in...
6

Why are we waiting? We could be masturbating [/fornicating] Oh why are we waiting So fucking long? WHY are we waiting? We could be masturbating [/fornicating] Oh why are we waiting Oh why are we waiting Oh WHY-Y-Y ARE WE WAITING So fu-cking long?

Here’s to [the hasher(s)/virgin(s)/newly named] They’re true blue They are hashers [/He/She’s a hasher] through and through They are pisspots [/He/She’s a pisspot] so they say Tried to go to heaven, but they [/he/she] went the other way [/turned out gay] So drink it down down down down... (etc.)

chant

Him! Him! Fuck him! Drink it down down down down... (etc.)

This is your down-down song It isn’t very long Down down down DOWN da-down Down down down DOWN da-down... (etc.)

Bull-shit, bull-shit It sounds like bullshit to me, to me Bull-shit, bull-shit It sounds like bullshit to me! Drink it down down down down... (etc.)

Ass-hole, ass-hole A soldier I will be Two-piss, two-piss Two pistols on my knee For cunt, for cunt For country and for Queen Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole A soldier I will be Drink it down down down down... (etc.)

When accused of hash offenses You know what your defense is: Throw your hat upward bound Jurisprudence says it’s the gravity test You’re only guilty if it falls down down down down... (etc.)

He’s the meanest He sucks the horse’s penis He’s the meanest He’s a horse’s ass Ever since he found it All he does is pound it He’s the meanest He’s a horse’s ass Drink it down down down down... (etc.)

Hashers Meet the hashers They’re the biggest drunks in history From the Town of (shout out your home kennel’s town) They’re the leaders in debauchery Half-minds Trailing shiggy through the years Watch them As they drink a lot of beers DOWN down Down-down DOWN down DOWN down down-down down-down DOWN-down Down down-down DOWN-down Down down-down DOWN DOWN DOWN
7

Put it in your hands, Mrs. Murphy It only weighs a quarter of a pound It’s got hair ‘round its neck like a turkey And it spits when you shake it up and Down down down down... (etc.)

Put your left leg over my shoulder Put your right leg over my shoulder| (Cover mouth with hand, poke tongue through split fingers) Mleh-mleh MLEH mleh mleh-mleh MLEH MLEH Drink it down down down down... (etc.)

S-H-I... T-T-Y... T-R-A-I-L Shitty trail, shitty trail The motherfucker[s] laid a shitty trail
Now’s the time for you to pay For all our misery S-H-I... T-T-Y... T-R-A-I-L Down-down DOWN, down-down DOWN... (etc.)
Other verses: I would rather drink a beer Than run your shitty trail S-H-I... T-T-Y... T-R-A-I-L Down-down DOWN, down-down DOWN... (etc.)

F-U-C... K-E-D... A-G-A-I-N Fucked again, fucked again Bend over, grab your ankles, here it comes Down-down DOWN, down-down DOWN... (etc.)

They ought to be publicly pissed on They ought to be publicly shot ("Bang-bang!") They ought to be tied to a urinal And left there to fester and rot Drink it down down down down... (etc.)

There is a game called twenty toes It’s played all over town The women play with ten toes up The men with ten toes down down down... (etc.)

Here’s to brother [/sister] hashers Brother [/sister] hashers, brother [/sister] hashers Here’s to brother [/sister] hashers May they chug-a-lug They’re happy, they’re jolly THEY’RE FUCKED UP, BY GOLLY! Here’s to brother [/sister] hashers May they chug-a-lug Drink it down down down down... (etc.)

What a wank, what a wank What a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank What a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank What a wank wank wank What a WA-A-ANK Oh what a wank wank wank
Drink it down, drink it down Drink it down down down... (etc.)

Why was they she born so beautiful? Why was they born at all? They’re no fucking good to anyone They’re no fucking good at all They may be a joy to their mother But they’re a pain in the asshole to me Drink it down, down, down, down... (etc.)

Ziggy-zoggy, ziggy-zoggy Hoy hoy hoy! Ziggy-zoggy, ziggy-zoggy Hoy hoy hoy!
Motorcycle, motorcycle Vroom vroom vroom! Motorcycle, motorcycle Vroom vroom vroom! Drink it down down down... (etc.) 8

A Frenchman went to the lavat’ry To have himself a shit, shit, shit He took his jacket and trousers off So that he could revel in it, it, it
But when he reached for the paper He found that someone had been there before "Ou est le papier? Ou est le papier? Monsieur, monsieur, je fai-ai-ais manure! Ou est le papier??"

melody: same (traditional French song)
(This should be done with a harriette volunteer)
Chorus: Alouette, gentille Alouette Alouette, je te plumerai

Verse: Leader: Does she have the scraggly hair? Pack: Yes, she has the scraggly hair! Leader: Scraggly hair? Pack: Scraggly hair! Leader: Alouette? Pack: Alouette! All: Oh oh oh oh...

Repeat chorus; add the following lines to the end of each verse
Other verses (verse structure as above): L: Does she have the unibrow? P: Yes, she has the unibrow! (etc.)
L: Does she have the wooden eye? P: Yes, she has the wooden eye! L: Wooden eye? P: YES, I WOULD!!
Does she have the broken nose? Does she have the blowjob lips? Does she have the cum-stained teeth? Does she have the chin to rest my nuts on? Does she have the GREAT BIG SWINGING TITS? Does she have the beer belly? Does she have the furry thing? Does she have the rug-burned knees? Has she been a real good sport?

As I was walking through St. Paul’s The vicar grabbed me by the balls I cried for help, but no help came And so he grabbed my balls again
As I lay sleeping in the grass Some bastard rammed it up my ass I cried for help, but no help came And so he rammed it up again
As I was walking through the wood I shat myself, I knew I would I cried for help, but no help came And so I shat myself again
A-a-a-a-me-e-en...

melody: Bandstand March
Chorus: I’d like to gang bang, oh yes I would Because a gang bang makes me feel so good When I was younger and in my prime I used to gang bang all the time Now I’m older and getting gray I only gang bang twice a day

Leader: Knock, knock! Pack: Who’s there? Leader: Anita Pack: Anita who? Leader: Anita blowjob before the gang bang...

Repeat chorus
Other verses (verse structure as above): Police/Police gimme a quickie before the... Mister Bush/Missed her bush and came on her stomach... Ben/Ben dover and have another... Turner/Turner over and have another... Ranger/A ranger her for best entry at the... Oliver/Oliver clothes were off at the... Dolly Parton/Dolly’s partin’ her thighs at the... Kissinger/Kissinger’s great but fuckin’ her’s better at the... Betty/Betty’ll have a sore dick at the... Extinct/Extinct like fish at the... Eileen/Eileen her over the sofa at the... Sharon/Sharon share alike at the... Ima/I’m-a glad we had this... Eisenhower/Eisenhower late for the... Witchy/Witchy one you gonna fuck at the... Kenya/Kenya gimme directions to the... M.R./M.R. some nice-a tits at the... Charlie Pride/Charlie pried her legs apart at the... Banana/Banana na na na na na... 9

Here’s to the lassie with the black hairy assie Who was liftin’ up her kiltie at the Boston Hash

Chorus (Make droning sound and tap throat while singing): Na na na na na na na, Na na na na na na na, Na na na na na na na, Na na na na...
Here’s to the jockey with his upstandin’ cocky Who was ridin’ on the lassie with the black hairy assie Who was liftin’ up her kiltie at the Boston Hash

Here’s to the Yankee who was wankin’ in his hanky At the thought o’ the jockey with the upstandin’ cocky Who was ridin’ on the lassie with the black hairy assie Who was liftin’ up her kiltie at the Boston Hash

Here’s to the queerie who was leerin’ through his beerie At the sight o’ the Yankee who was wankin’ in his hanky At the thought o’ the jockey with the upstandin’ cocky Who was ridin’ on the lassie with the black hairy assie Who was liftin’ up her kiltie at the Boston Hash

Here’s to the harlot who was workin’ in the car lot To support the a’ queerie who was leerin’ through his beerie At the sight o’ the Yankee who was wankin’ in his hanky At the thought o’ the jockey with the upstandin’ cocky Who was ridin’ on the lassie with the black hairy assie Who was liftin’ up her kiltie at the Boston Hash

Here’s to the hasher who was posin’ as a flasher Hustlin’ tricks from the harlot who was workin’ in the car lot To support the a’ queerie who was leerin’ through his beerie At the sight o’ the Yankee who was wankin’ in his hanky At the thought o’ the jockey with the upstandin’ cocky Who was ridin’ on the lassie with the black hairy assie Who was liftin’ up her kiltie at the Boston Hash

Here’s to the wenchy doin’ down-downs on a benchie For the pleasure o’ the hasher who was posin’ as a flasher Hustlin’ tricks from the harlot who was workin’ in the car lot To support the a’queerie who was leerin’ through his beerie At the sight o’ the Yankee who was wankin’ in his hanky At the thought o’ the jockey with the upstandin’ cocky Who was ridin’ on the lassie with the black hairy assie Who was liftin’ up her kiltie at the Boston Hash

Now the moral o’ this ditty is when you’re in Boston City And you’re with your favorite girlie, chasin’ hairs all short and curly Just remember to take her hashin’ and to give her a good bashin’ And keep her away from the wenchy doing down-downs on the benchie For the pleasure o’ the hasher who was posin’ as a flasher Hustlin’ tricks from the harlot who was workin’ in the car lot To support the a’ queerie who was leerin’ through his beerie At the sight o’ the Yankee who was wankin’ in his hanky At the thought o’ the jockey with the upstandin’ cocky Who was ridin’ on the lassie with the black hairy assie Who was liftin’ up her kiltie at the Boston Hash

10

melody: Tie Me Kangaroo Down
Chorus: Bestiality’s best, boys Bestiality’s best Bestiality’s best, boys Bestiality’s best

Verse: Stick your log in a dog, boys Stick your log in a dog Stick your log in a dog, boys Stick your log in a dog Because...

Repeat chorus
Other verses (verse structure as above): Rub your mound on a hound, girls... Shoot your juice in a moose... Blow your load in a toad... Stick your dick in a tick... Get in deep with a sheep... Stick your log in a frog... Shoot your juice in a goose... Try your luck with a duck... Chuck your sperm in a worm... Down the throat of a goat... Drink the pee of a bee... Get it out for a trout... Give some cock to a croc... Go the whole way with a moray... Have a deer from the rear... Have a frig with a pig... Have a shag with a stag... Intercourse with a horse... In the sack with yak... Jam your cam in a ram... Make a llama a mama... Move your tool in a mule... Put it through a gnu... Put your noodle to a poodle... Put your spear in a deer... Rub your box on a fox, girls... Rub your clitty on a kitty, girls... Shoot your spunk in a skunk... Sixty-nine with a swine... Stick your rod up a cod... Stick your cock in a hawk... Stick your dork in a stork... Up the ass of a bass... Up the back of a yak... Up the box of a fox... Up the flue of a shrew... Up the hole of a mole... Up the spout of a trout... Up the tail of a whale... Blow your rocks in an ox...

By the light ("By the light, by the light...") of a flickering match ("Of a flickering match...") I saw her snatch, by the light of that fli-cker-ing match By the light ("By the light, by the light..") Of a flickering match ("Of a flickering match...") I saw it gleam, I heard her scream "You are burning my snatch, with your fucking match!"

Dos, a beer, a Mexican beer Ray, the guy that buys me beer Me, the guy that drinks the beer Fa, a long long way for beer So, I think I’ll have a beer La, la la la la la la Tea? No thanks, I’ll have a beer Which will bring us back to Dope dope dope dope
Dope, some dope, some Mexican dope Ray, the guy that buys me dope Me, the guy that smokes the dope Fa, a long long way for dope So, I think I’ll smoke some dope La, la la la la la la Tea? You said that this was dope! Which will bring us back to Fuck fuck fuck fuck
Fuck a duck, a female duck Screw a baby kangaroo Finger-bang an orangutang Let an elephant do you Feel! the penis of an eel Whack! the asshole of a yak Masturbate with a gnu Which will bring us back to You you you you you!
11

Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie ‘em in a knot? Can you tie ‘em in a bow? Do they clang like a gong When you pull upon your dong? Do your balls hang low?

Other verses: Can you throw ‘em over your shoulder? Do you need a boulder holder?
Do they make a lusty clamor When you hit ‘em with a hammer?
Can you bounce ‘em off the wall Like an Indian rubber ball?
Do they make a hollow sound When you drag ‘em on the ground?

I gave her inches one She said, "Honey, this is fun, Put your belly next to mine and drive it home" ("Drive it home!")

So I gave her inches two She said, "You know what to do, Put your belly next to mine and drive it home" ("Drive it home!")

So I gave her inches three She said, "Is that all for me? Put your belly next to mine and drive it home" ("Drive it home!")

So I gave her inches four She said, "More, More, More! Put your belly next to mine and drive it home" ("Drive it home!")

So I gave her inches five She said, "Oh, I feel alive, Put your belly next to mine and drive it home" ("Drive it home!")

So I gave her inches six She said, "Fuck me with your prick, Put your belly next to mine and drive it home" ("Drive it home!")

So I gave her inches seven She said, "Oh, I’m in heaven, Put your belly next to mine and drive it home" ("Drive it home!")

So I gave her inches eight She said, "Oh, this is great, Put your belly next to mine and drive it home" ("Drive it home!")

So I gave her inches nine She said, "Bullshit, bullshit, it sounds like bullshit to me, to me Bullshit, bullshit, it sounds like bullshit to me..."
So I gave her inches ten She said, "Baby, that’s the end, Put your pecker in your pants and drive it home" ("Drive it home!") 12

melody: Caissons
Verse: You can tell by the smell that she isn’t feeling well When the end of the month rolls around You can tell by the blotch that she’s got a leaky crotch When the end of the month rolls around

Chorus: So it’s hi, hi, hee in the tampon factory Shout out your orders loud and clear We’ve got small, medium, large We’ve got rags to fit a barge When the end of the month rolls around

Other verses (verse structure as above): You can tell by her pout that her eggs are falling out... You can tell by her walk that you will get it – NOT!... You can tell by the stain that she’s in a lot of pain... You can tell by her stance, she’s got cotton in her pants... You can tell by her pain that you’ll be beating off again... You can tell by the string, she’s got something up her thing... You can tell by the flood that she’s losing lots of blood... You can tell by the stench that there’s trouble in the trench... You can tell by her pout that her eggs are falling out... You can tell by her walk, all you’re gonna do is talk... You can tell that it itches by the way she always bitches... You can bet it ain’t sweat when her underwear is wet... You can tell by the stink that she isn’t in the pink... You can tell by the red that you’re only getting head... You can tell by the flies that are buzzing ‘round her thighs... If she won’t let you pump, you can do it in her rump... If your sex life’s a loss and your cock is growing moss...

An engineer told me before he died, a-hum ("Titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum...") An engineer told me before he died, a-hum ("Titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum...") An engineer told me before he died I have no reason to believe he lied A-hum titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum, a-hum
He had a wife with a cunt so wide, a-hum ("Titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum...") (Repeat x 2 as above) He had a wife with a cunt so wide That she could never be satisfied A-hum... (etc.)

So he built a bloody great wheel... Two balls of brass and a prick of steel...
The balls of brass were filled with cream... The whole damn issue was driven by steam...
He tied her hands to the head of the bead... He tied her legs above her head...
There she lay, demanding a fuck... He shook her hand and wished her luck...
Round and round went the great big wheel... Up and down went the prick of steel...
Up and up went the level of steam... Down and down went the level of cream...
Until at last the maiden cried... "Enough, enough! I’m satisfied!"...
Now we come to the gruesome bit... There was no way of stopping it...
She was torn from ass to tit... The whole damn room was covered in shit...
Now we come to the bit that’s grim... It jumped off her and started on him...
The last time that the thing was seen... It was over in England buggering the Queen...
The moral of the story is clear... Never fuck with an engineer!
13

melody: unknown
Chorus: Drink a little bit, fuck a little bit, follow the hares Follow the hares with your tits in the air Drink a little bit, fuck a little bit, follow the hares Follow the hares all the way

Verse: My girlfriend[/boyfriend]’s a postman, a postman, a postman A mighty fine postman is she[/he] All day she[/he] licks stamps, she[/he] licks stamps, she[/he] licks stamps, And when he comes home, she[/he]licks me

Repeat chorus
Other verses (verse structure as above): Baker/creams puffs/creams... Milkman/milks cows/milks... Oilman/drills wells/drills... Ploughman/ploughs fields/plows... Glassblower/blows glass/blows... Mail clerk/licks stamps/licks... Nurse/takes temps/takes... Gymnast/strides poles/strides... Baker/kneads bread/needs... Dancer/does steps/does... Asthmatic/sucks air/sucks... Cowboy/rides broncs/rides... Mechanic/screws bolts/screws... Guitarist/plays licks/licks... Carpenter/bangs nails/bangs... Truck driver/grinds gears/grinds... Postman/stuffs boxes/stuffs... Plumber/lays pipe/lays... Chef/eats this, he eats that/eats... Bricklayer/lays brick/lays... Dentist/drills you/drills... Taxidermist/stuffs dead things/stuffs... Lawyer/fucks you/fucks... Hooker/fucks you/goes to sleep...

melody: North Atlantic Squadron
Verse: ‘Twas on the good ship Venus By god, you should have seen us The figurehead was a whore in bed And the mast was the captain’s penis

Chorus: Friggin’ in the riggin’ Wankin’ on the plankin’ Masturbatin’ on the gratin’ There was fuck all else to do

Repeat chorus
Other verses: The captain’s wife was Mabel Whenever she was able She gave the crew their daily screw Upon the galley table
The cabin boy was Kipper A cunning little nipper He lined his ass with broken glass And circumcised the skipper
The ladies of the nation Arose in indignation They lined his bum with chewing gum A smart retaliation
The first mate’s name was Cropper By christ, he had a whopper Once ‘round the deck, once ‘round his neck And up his ass for a stopper
The second mate was Wiggun By god, he had a big ‘un We pounded his cock with a great big rock For friggin’ in the riggin’
The third mate’s name was Carter By god, he was a farter When the wind wouldn’t blow and the ship wouldn’t go We got Carter the farter to start ‘er
The captain’s randy daughter She fell into the water And from her squeals, we knew that eels Had found her sexual quarter
The ship’s dog’s name was Rover The whole crew did him over We ground and ground that faithful hound From Singapore to Dover
‘Twas in the Adriatic The water was quite static The rise and fall of ass and ball Was almost automatic
14

melody: Cielito Lindo (Mexican song)
Verse: I like my gin – it helps me get in But give me a glass of vino I like my vino It gives me a stand supremo

Chorus: Aye, yi-yi-yi Si, si, senora My sister Belinda, she pissed out the winder And filled up my brand new sombrero

Other verses (verse structure as above): I like tequila – it helps me to feel her But give me a glass of vino... (etc.)

I like my whisky – it makes me feel frisky... I like my brandy – it makes me feel randy... I like my Pucker – it helps me to fuck her... I like my martini – it’s good for the weenie... I like my rum – it helps me to come... I like my liquor – it makes me come quicker... I like my Sam Adams – it gives me orgasms... I don’t like my Schlitz – it gives me the shits... I don’t like my Bud – it softens the pud...

Has anyone seen my cock? My big Rhode Island Red He’s mostly pink with a little bit of blue And purple on his head He stands straight up in the morning And gives my wife a shock Has anyone seen Has anyone seen Has anyone seen my cock?

Their drinking is compulsive Their running is convulsive They’re utterly repulsive The hash house harriers Da da da DUM (Snap fingers twice) Da da da DUM (Snap fingers twice) Da da da DUM Da da da DUM Da da da DUM
Their flatulence is rude and Their genitals protrude when They’re running in the nude in The hash house harriers Da da da DUM (Snap twice) Da da da DUM (Snap twice) Da da da DUM Da da da DUM Da da da DUM

Head? Who said "head"? I’ll have some of that! And I did And it was good And there was much rejoicing And then we fucked We fucked for hours Uprooting trees and bushes and flowers and shit Like Vikings With horns on our heads Head? Who said "head"? I’ll have some of that We don’t want women with good taste We want women that taste good!

Additional lines: And then she licked my ass And I quivered But it wasn’t fun It wasn’t funny It was dangerous! So I’m taking my wife, my dog, and my football And I’m going home! Fuck you, you fucking fucks...
15

Hot vagina for my breakfast Hot vagina for my lunch Hot vagina for my dinner Just munch, munch, munch, munch, munch It’s so tasty and delicious Bite-sized and ready to eat That’s why every day is Wednesday Hot vagina can’t be beat!

I don’t want to join the army I don’t want to go to war I’d rather hang around The Boston underground Living off the earnings of a high born lady I don’t want a bullet up me arsehole I don’t want me buttocks blown away I’d rather hash with Boston In jolly, jolly Boston And fornicate my fucking life away, cor blimey
Monday I touched her on the ankle Tuesday I touched her on the knee Wednesday I confess I lifted up her dress Thursday I saw her you-know-what, cor blimey Friday I put me hand upon it Saturday she gave me balls a tweak ("Tweak! tweak!")

And Sunday after supper I put the old boy up ‘er Now she earns me 40 bob a week, cor blimey
Call on the regimental army Call on the navy and marines Call on me mother Me sister and me brother But for fuck’s sake don’t call me, cor blimey I don’t want to join the army I don’t want to go to war I’d rather hash with Boston In jolly, jolly Boston And fornicate my fucking life away, cor blimey
I don’t want to be a housewife I’d much rather be a whore I’d rather turn some tricks Involving foot long pricks Living off the earnings of a well-hung yuppie I don’t want to do his fucking laundry I don’t want to cook his fucking fo-o-ood And if I’m getting laid I should be getting paid And if I’m not, I’m truly getting screwed

I love my girl Yes I do, yes I do I love her truly I love that hole That she pisses through I love her lips Her lily-white tits Her nut-brown asshole I’d eat her shit ("Gobble gobble gobble slurp...") With a rusty spoon ("With a rus-ty spo-o-o-oon...") 16

melody: unknown
Chorus: I used to work in Chicago In an old department store I used to work in Chicago I don’t work there any more

Verse: Leader: A woman came into the store looking for a piano Pack: A piano from the store Leader: A piano she wanted, my organ she got! I don’t work there any more

Repeat chorus
Other verses (verse structure as above): L: A lady came in for some stockings P: Some stockings from the store Stockings she wanted, hosed she got... (etc.)

A lady came in for some nails, Nails she wanted, screwed she got...
A man came in for a balloon... Balloon he wanted, blown he got...
A lady came in for a floppy disk... A floppy she wanted, my hard drive she got...
A lady came in for some wool... Wool she wanted, felt she got...
A lady came in for some carpet... Shag she wanted, shagged she got...
A lady came in for some deep, meaningful conversation... Deep, meaningful conversation she wanted, fucked she got...
A man came in for a lollipop... A sucker he wanted, sucked he got...
A lady came in for drain cleaner... Drano she wanted, clean pipes she got...
A lady came in for a pony... Horse she wanted, ridden she got...
A man came in for some wheels... Wheels he wanted, rimmed he got...
A woman came in for a doughnut... Glazed she wanted, creme-filled she got...
A lady came in for a throw rug... Rug she wanted, rug-burned she got...
A lady came in for a T-bone... T-bone she wanted, boneless round she got...
A lady came in for toy sailors... Toy sailors she wanted, semen she got...
A lady came in for a canned ham... Ham she wanted, porked she got...
A woman came in for gift wrapping... Wrapping she wanted, a stuffing she got...
A lady came in for a beefsteak... Chuck she wanted, fucked she got...
A lady came in for a novel... Dickens she wanted, dick she got...
A lady came in for a video... Free Willy she wanted, Free Willy I did (Singer does same)...
A man came in for a pet... A puppy he wanted, my pussy he got (Expose same)...
A lady[/man] came in for some film... Color she[/he] wanted, exposed she[/he] got (Expose dick/tits)...

melody: Glory, Glory Hallelujah
Chorus: Free beer for all the hashers Free beer for all the hashers Free beer for all the hashers Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves

Verse: All the girls love Jesus ‘cause he always comes again (Repeat x 2) Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves

Repeat chorus
Other verses (verse structure as above): Jesus can’t go hashing ‘cause his Father fixes trail... Jesus can’t lay trail because the flour falls through his hands... Jesus can’t go to college ‘cause he got nailed on the boards... Jesus can’t play hockey ‘cause he gets nailed to the boards Jesus can’t run trail because he shortcuts ‘cross the lake... Jesus can’t go hashing ‘cause the Jew won’t pay ten bucks... All the girls love Jesus ‘cause he’s hung like this (Imitate crucifixion pose)... Jesus, we are sorry, we were kidding (Kneel and genuflect)...
(May be followed by): Jesus, I’m not kidding, I am Jewish [/Pagan/Atheist]...
17

Last night, I stayed at home and masturbated It felt so good, I knew it would Last night, I stayed at home and masturbated It felt so nice, I did it twice You should have seen me on the short strokes It was so grand, I used my hand You should have seen me on the long strokes It was so neat, I used my feet
Smash it, bash it Throw it on the floor Wrap it ‘round a bedpost Stick it in a door Some people think that sexual intercourse Is something very grand Me, I’d rather stay at home And jerk it off by hand

The monks of Saint Bernard’s, Saint Bernard’s, Saint Bernard’s They don’t give a bugger at all They rise up bright early, bright early, bright early And piss through a hole in the wall The green leaves are yellow The green leaves are ye-e-llow The gre-e-en leaves are ye-llo-o-o-o-o-ow And so is the hole in the wall!

More beer, more beer, more beer, more beer More beer, more beer, more be-e-er More beer, more beer, more beer, more beer More beer, more beer, more be-e-er

First verse: Now I’ve had one, but I’m not done More beer, more beer, more be-e-er More beer, more beer, more beer, more beer More beer, more beer, more be-e-er

More verses (verse structure as above): Now I’ve had two, but I’m not through More beer, more beer, more be-e-er... (etc.)

Now I’ve had three, I have to pee... Now I’ve had four, but I want more... Now I’ve had five, I’m still alive... Now I’ve had six, what rhymes with six?... Now I’ve had seven, and I’m in heaven... Now I’ve had eight, and I feel great... Now I’ve had nine, and I feel fine... Now I’ve had ten, I’m drunk again...

melody: My Girl’s a Corker, She’s a New Yorker
Chorus: My girl’s a vegetable, she lives in a hospital I’d do most anything to keep her alive

Verse: She’s got no arms or legs, looks just like a pony keg I’d do most anything to keep her alive

Repeat chorus
Other verses (verse structure as above): She’s got a new TV, it’s called an EKG... Her EKG, it does not rise, but she still spreads her thighs ... My girl has long blond hair, little patches here and there... She can’t get out of bed, but she still gives real good head... I’m guaranteed a blow, because she can’t say no... She lives in an iron lung, but she still gives real good tongue... My girl has leprosy, parts always stick to me... She’s got a tracheotomy, just another hole for me... When I am low on cash, I rent her out to the [your home kennel] hash...

My one-skin hangs down to my two-skin My two-skin hangs down to my three My three-skin hangs down to my foreskin My foreskin hangs down to my knee Roll back, roll back Oh roll back my foreskin for me, for me Roll back, roll back Oh roll back my foreskin for me

My penis has a first name It’s F-O-R-E skin My penis has an address It’s upstairs from her chin She loves to eat it everyday And if you ask her why, she’ll say (Gargle)
Women’s version: My penis has a first name It’s P-E-T-E-R My penis has a second name It’s P-E-N-I-S I like to eat him everyday And if you ask me why, I’ll say Peter Penis has a way with my V-A-G-I-N-A 18

melody: When Johnny Comes Marching Home
Verse: This harriette on trail one day Yo ho, yo ho This harriette on trail one day Yo ho, yo ho This harriette on trail one day She said, "Hey hasher, you wanna lay?""

Chorus: Get in, get out, stop fucking about Yo ho, yo ho, yo ho
So I put my hand upon her toe Yo ho, yo ho... (Repeat as above) ...She said, "Hey hasher, you’re way too low!"

So I put my hand upon her knee Yo ho, yo ho... (etc.) ...She said, "Hey hasher, stop teasing me!"

So I put my hand upon her knee Yo ho, yo ho... (etc.) ...She said, "Hey hasher, stop teasing me!"

So I put my hand upon her tit Yo ho, yo ho... (etc.) ...She said, "Hey hasher, stop squeezing it!"

So I put my hand upon her twat Yo ho, yo ho... (etc.) ...She said, "Hey hasher, you’re hittin’ the spot!"

So I put my tool into her mouth Yo ho, yo ho... (etc.) ...She said, "mglph mmff glph"

And now she lies in a wooden box Yo ho, yo ho... (etc.) ...From sucking too many hasher cocks!

We dig her up every now and then Yo ho, yo ho... (etc.) ...We fucked her once, we’ll fuck her again!

And now she’s gone but not forgotten Yo ho, yo ho... (etc.) ...We fucked her dead, we’ll fuck her rotten!

Pissonya, pissonya, pissonya In Russian it means I love you If I had my way I’d piss on ya all day Pissonya, pissonya, pissonya
Shitonya, shitonya, shitonya In Russian it means I adore you If I had my way I’d shit on ya all day Shitonya, shitonya, shitonya
Cumonya, cumonya, cumonya In Russian it means I need you If I had my way I’d cum on ya all day Cumonya, Shitonya, Pissonya
19

melody: The Candy Man
Verse: Who can take your grandma Fill her full of ‘ludes Shove her in a biker bar That’s full of horny dudes

Chorus: The S&M Man, the S&M Man The S&M Man, ‘cause he mixes it with love And makes the hurt feel good The hurt feel good

Other verses: Who can take two icepicks Stick ‘em in your ears Ride you like a Harley While he does you up the rear
Who can take a Catholic priest Bend him over a pew Fuck him up the ass Until he swears, "I’m a Jew!"
Who can take your sister Tie her to a tree Then tack up a sign that says "The pussy is for free!"
Who can take a pregnant lady Fuck her ‘til she’s dead Fuck her even more Until the fetus gives him head
Who can take a cheese grater Strap it to his arm Grind it up and down And make some pussy parmesan
Who can go to an abortion clinic Sneak around the back Rummage through the dumpster ‘Til he finds a tasty snack
Who can take a bicycle Remove the fuckin’ seat Put your sister on it Push it down a bumpy street
Who can take a glass rod Stick it in your dick Lay it on the table And smash it with a brick

The Story Of The Boston Hashers

melody: Charlie On The MTA
Verse: Oh, let me tell you a story about the Boston Hashers They’ve been here for thirty years Each week they run on flour through shiggy for an hour In an effort to find a few beers!

Chorus: But do we ever complain, no we never complain From whining we refrain (‘cept for Rectal) We may run forever in the streets of Boston For the beer and shiggy terrain

Repeat chorus
Other verses: Now Watergate, she was once the greatest grand-mattress ‘Cause she bitches, she moans, and she shits She’ll slam down on the phone because she has PMS syndrome But we love her for her really big... HEART!
Now Sweet Molasses has the cutest of asses A nicer one you’ll never find When her buttocks wiggle, it makes my old boy giggle That’s why I like to come from behind!
Well, all night long Shine On waits at the station Crying, "What will become of me? How can I afford to see my boyfriend in Roxbury Or my cousins way out in Chel-sea?"
Now every Boston virgin will hear us all a-urgin’ To tell us with who you came Then you’ll hear Rectal holler, "Give me your ten dollars!" It’s no wonder how he got his name
While Fat One’s a-singin’ and we’re all here a drinkin’ I’ve been thinking it’s been a great day Then a voice cries out in a very loud shout "I’m Rectal, and you all must pay!"
Now with the circle, hash respect is what we expect On private parties we frown So if you can’t shut up then we’ll fill up your cup And make you drink it DOWN, DOWN, DOWN
When the Hare is Friar Fuck, we’re all shit out of luck He doesn’t know his flora at all So best you be ready to cut with a machete Through poison ivy ten feet tall
And then there’s Ski Bobbit who sets hashes like a hobbit They’re difficult, but they are fun Three, four hours gone, SEO makes the On-On,
20
shouting "Who fucking set this run?!"
Well, Piece of Tail waits at the Scollay Square station Every day at quarter past two And through the open window hands White Flash a down-down As the train goes rumbling through
Now Boston’s got a thriller who’d be a lady killer Except he’s hard on female egos ‘Cause when we grab his member, he DOESN’T REMEMBER! It’s Narcoleptic Romeo
When French Tickler wants to pass, with great legs and ass Male hashers follow with glee But though she’s fun and silly, you’d best tuck in your willy ‘Cause she’s got a man in Paree
Now there ain’t no hasher greater than our own Master Waiter It’s impossible to get him lost Ever since that year when he ran right past the beer Found a chesty muddy river to cross
And this is the story of a hasher named Junky On a tragic and fateful day He put ten beers in pocket, kissed his wife and girlfriend And moved to Califor-ni-ay
Well, Meat Pie, she waits at the Scollay Square station Every day at quarter past two And through the open window hands No Hands a few brews As the train goes rumbling through

There was a little bird No bigger than a turd Sitting up on a telephone pole He ruffled up his neck And he shat about a peck As he puckered up his little asshole Asshole, asshole, asshole A-ass ho-o-o-o-o-ole (Sustain) As he puckered up his little asshole

There’s a skeeter on my peter whack it off ("Whack it off!") There’s a skeeter on my peter, whack it off ("Whack it off!") There’s a dozen on my cousin, I can hear the fuckers buzzin’ There’s a skeeter on my peter, whack it off ("Whack it off!")
Women’s version: There’s a leech on my vagina, lick it off ("Lick it off!") There’s a leech on my vagina, lick it off ("Lick it off!") There’s a leech on my vagina, and I really like it, kinda There’s a leech on my vagina, lick it off ("Lick it off!") 21

When I was a little girl, I had a little thing And if I tried, I could get my little finger in Finger in, finger in, finger IN Finger i-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-in Finger in, finger in My little finger in!
I’ve grown into a woman now, my thing has lost its charm Now I can get five fingers in, and half my fucking arm Fucking arm, fucking arm, fucking ARM Fucking a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-arm Fucking arm, fucking arm And half my fucking arm!
Now I’m an old woman, I’m halfway fucking dead The only way I can feel a thing’s when you use your fucking head Fucking head, fucking head, fucking HEAD Fucking he-he-he-he-he-he-ead Fucking head, fucking head So use your fucking head!
Now I’m dead and buried There’s just one thing I lack My only hope is to get dug up by a necrophiliac Philiac, Philiac, Phili-AAC Phili-a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ac Philiac, Philiac A necrophiliac

When it’s hog calling time in Nebraska When it’s hog calling time in Nebraska When it’s hog calling time in Nebraska When it’s hog calling time in Nebraska

Repeat as above, ad nauseam
Other verses: When your food tastes like shit, use Tabasco (Repeat x 3)

When your girl tastes like shit, turn her over (...)

Whip it out at the ballgame Wave it round at the crowd Dip it in peanuts and crackerjacks I don’t care if you give it a whack ‘Cause it’s beat your meat at the ballgame If you don’t come it’s a shame For it’s one, two, you’re covered in goo At the old ball game

melody: unknown
Chorus: Oh, we’re off to see the Wild West Show The elephants and the kangaroo-o-o-oos No matter what the weather, as long as we’re together We’re off to see the Wild West Show

Verse: And in this corner, ladies and gentlemen, we have the amazing gee-raffe*

The amazing giraffe is the most popular animal in the animal kingdom... Why? Every time he goes into the bar, he says, "The high-balls are on me!"

Repeat chorus
Other verses: And in this corner... the Crooked Antique Dealer. (*...) The crooked antique dealer is so named because he’ll try to sell you a blood-stained sofa as a period piece!

...The Mathematical Impossibility. She’s called the mathematical impossibility because she was ate before she was seven!
...A member of the Figawi tribe. (Good for a shorter hasher.) The Figawi tribe are only about so high (gesture to top of short hasher’s head), and they live in a country where the grass is about this high (gesture at least a foot or two above the short hasher’s head). So all day long, they wander around yelling, "Where the Figawi?? Where the Figawi??"
...The Winky-Wanky Bird. The Winky-Wanky Bird has its scrotum attached to its eyelid, so when it winks, it wanks, and when it wanks, it winks... and no fair throwing sand in its eye!
...The Amazing Tattooed Woman. She is so named because she has "Thanksgiving" tattooed on the inside of one thigh, and "Christmas" on the inside of the other, and she invites all the hashers to cum between the holidays!
...The Amazing Tattooed Man. The amazing tattooed man has an "M" tattooed on one ass-cheek, and another "M" on the other ass-cheek. When he bends over he spells MOM. When he stands on his head he spells WOW. When he turns cartwheels, he spells WOW MOM WOW MOM...
22

I put my finger in the woodpecker’s hole, And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul, Take it out, take it out, take it out, REMOVE IT!"
I removed my finger from the woodpecker’s hole, And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul, Put it back, put it back, put it back, REPLACE IT!"

Other verses (verse structure as above): Replaced/turn it round/REVOLVE IT! Revolved/turn it back/REVERSE IT! Reversed/in and out/RECIPROCATE IT! Reciprocated/slow it down/RETARD IT! Retarded/once again/REPEAT IT! Repeated/let it go/RELEASE IT! Released/pull it out/RETRACT IT! Retracted/take a whiff/REVOLTING!

melody: Camptown Races
Verse: There’s a bear in the deep dark woods Yogi, Yogi There’s a bear in the deep dark woods Yogi, Yogi Bear
Yogi, Yogi Be-e-e-ar Yogi, Yogi Be-e-e-ar There’s a bear in the deep dark woods Yogi, Yogi Bear

Other verses (verse structure as above): Yogi has a little friend Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo...
Yogi has a girlfriend Cindy, Cindy...
Yogi’s dick is long and green Cu-cum, cu-cum... ...Cu-cum, cu-cum-bear
Yogi has a cheesy dick Cam-em, cam-em... ...Cam-em, cam-em-bert
Cindy likes it upside-down Koala, koala...
Cindy likes it up the butt Brown bear, brown bear...
Cindy is a frigid bitch Polar, polar...
Cindy likes girl bears too Klondike, Klondike...
Yogi has a twelve-inch dick Black bear, black bear...
Boo-Boo says he has one too Liar, liar...
Cindy doesn’t have any teeth Gummi, gummi...
Yogi joined the NRA Right to, right to... [bear]
Cindy has double-Ds, More than, more than... ...More than I can bear [/Yogi’s a lucky bear]

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