Hamilton Hornets
Rugby Football Club
Official
Song Book
Rev 2 8 July 00
www.HamiltonRugby.com
2
BUBBLES
(sung to the tune of "Bread of Heaven")
I' m forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high, they nearly reach the sky.
Then like my dreams they fade and die.
I' m forever blowing bubbles,
pretty bubbles in the air,
pretty bubbles in the air.
We don' t play for adoration, caring not for victory.
We just play for inspiration, Hornets R. F. C. are we!
Balls to _______________ *
Balls to _______________ *
We won' t play them anymore.
We won' t play them anymore.
AAAAAssholes.
*insert name of rival here.
Why was He / She born so beautiful
Sung to a person after they do or omit to do something that deserves
ridicule!
Why was he born so beautiful.
Why was he born at all.
He's no fucking use to anyone,
He's no fucking use at all.
He ought be publicly pissed on.
He ought be publicly shot (bang, bang),
He ought be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
SO,
DRINK chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug
DRINK!
3
I Wish That All The Ladies
Leader: I wish that all the ladies.
Group: I wish that all the ladies.
Leader: Were bells in a tower.
Group: Were bells in a tower.
Leader: And I was the bell keep.
Group: And I was the bell keep.
Leader: I'd Bang'em every hour.
Group: I'd Bang'em every hour.
Chorus
Leader: Singin' HAY BOB A RE BOB
Group: HAY BOB A RE BOB
Leader: HAY BOB A RE BOB
Group: HAY BOB A RE BOB
I wish that all the Ladies.
Were pies on a shelf.
And I was a baker.
I' d eat them all myself.
I wish that all the Ladies.
Were toads on the road.
And I was a trucker.
I' d cream' em with my load.
I wish that all the Ladies.
Were bricks in a pile.
And I was a Mason.
I' d lay' em all in style.
I wish that all the Ladies.
Were statues of Venus.
' Cause then they' d have no arms.
To push away my penis.
I wish that all the Ladies.
Were sheep grassing grass.
And I was a Shepherd.
I' d shag' em up the A@#.
I wish that all the Ladies.
Were fish in the sea.
And I was a sperm whale.
I' d save' em all for me.
I wish that all the Ladies.
Were lines on a highway.
And I was a Trucker.
I' d drive' em all my way.
Swing Low Sweet Chariot
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.
I looked over Jordan, and what did I see,
Coming for to carry me home.
A band of angels, coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.
If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home.
Tell all my friends I' m coming after you
Coming for to carry me home.
The brightest day I ever saw
Coming for to carry me home.
When Jesus washed my sins away
Coming for to carry me home.
I' m sometimes up and some times down
Coming for to carry me home.
But still my soul seems heavenly bound
Coming for to carry me home.
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.
4
The Gambler
(Kenny Rogers)
On a warm summer's evening
On a train bound for nowhere
I met up with a gambler
We were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a' starin'
Out the window at the darkness
The boredom overtook us
And he began to speak.
He said, "Son, I've made a life
Out of readin' people's faces
An' knowin' what the cards were
By the way they held their eyes.
So if you don't mind my sayin'
I can see you're out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice."
So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet
And his face lost all expression
Said, "If you're gonna play the game,
boy,
You gotta learn to play it right!"
You gotta know when to hold ('em)
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run.
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done.
"Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
Knowin' what to keep.
'Cause every hand's a winner
And every hand's a loser
And the best that you can hope for
Is to die in your sleep."
And when he'd finished speakin'
He turned back toward the window
Crushed out his cigarette
Faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness
The gambler, he broke even
But in his final words I found
An ace that I could keep.
5
Sloop John B
We come on the sloop John B
My grandfather and me
Around Nassau town we did roam
Drinking all night
Got into a fight
Well I feel so broke up
I want to go home
Chorus
So hoist up the John B's sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the Captain ashore
Let me go home, let me go home
I wanna go home, yeah yeah
Well I feel so broke up
I wanna go home
The first mate he got drunk
And broke in the Cap'n's trunk
The constable had to come and take him away
Sheriff John Stone
Why don't you leave me alone, yeah yeah
Well I feel so broke up I wanna go home
So hoist up the John B's sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the Captain ashore
Let me go home, let me go home
I wanna go home, let me go home
Why don't you let me go home
(Hoist up the John B's sail)
Hoist up the John B
I feel so broke up I wanna go home
Let me go home
The poor cook he caught the fits
And threw away all my grits
And then he took and he ate up all of my corn
Let me go home
Why don't they let me go home
This is the worst trip I've ever been on
Chorus
Wild Rover
I've played the wild rover for many a year
And I spent all my money on whiskey and beer,
And now I'm returning with gold in great store
And I never will play the wild rover no more.
Chorus
And it's no, nay, never,
No nay never no more,
Will I play the wild rover
No never no more.
I went to an alehouse I used to frequent
And I told the landlady my money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me " nay
Such custom as yours I could have any day."
Chorus
And it's no, nay, never,
No nay never no more,
Will I play the wild rover
No never no more.
And then from my pocket I took sovereigns bright
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight.
She said "I have whiskey and wines of the best
Sure the words that I spoke, they were only in jest."
Chorus
And it's no, nay, never,
No nay never no more,
Will I play the wild rover
No never no more.
I went to my parents, confessed what I'd done
And I asked them to pardon their prodigal son.
They kissed me, caressed me, as oft times before
And never will I play the wild rover no more.
Chorus
And it's no, nay, never,
No nay never no more,
Will I play the wild rover
No never no more.
6
Home For a Rest
(Spirit of the West)
You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best
I've been gone for a month, I've been drunk since I left
These so-called vacations will soon be my death
I'm so sick from the drink, I need home for a rest...
We arrived in December and London was cold
So we stayed in the bars along Charing Cross Road
We never saw nothin' but brass taps and oak
Kept a shine on the bar with the sleeves of our coats
chorus
Euston Station the train journey north
In the buffet car we lurched back and forth
Past odd crooked dikes, through Yorkshire's green fields
We were flung into dance as the train jigged and reeled
You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best
I've been gone for a week, I've been drunk since I left
These so-called vacations will soon be my death
I'm so sick from the drink, I need home for a rest...
Take me home...
By the light of the moon she'd drift through the streets
A rare old perfume so seductive and sweet
She'd tease us and flirt as the pubs all closed down
Then walk us on home and deny us a round
The gas heater's empty, it's damp as a tomb
And the spirits we drank are now ghosts in the room
I'm knackered again, come on sleep take me soon
And don't lift up my head 'til the twelve bells of noon
You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best
I've been gone for a month, I've been drunk since I left
These so-called vacations will soon be my death
I'm so sick from the drink, I need home for a rest
Take me home
7
I Don't want to be a Soldier I Used to Work in Chicago
Oh, I don' t want to join the Army
And I don' t want to go to war
I just want to ' ang around
Piccadilly underground
Livin' off the earnings of an ' igh-class lady
I don' t want a bullet up me backside
An' I don' t want me knockers shot away
I just want to stay in Hamilton
Dirty Dirty Hamilton
And fornicate me bloomin' life away
So call out the members of the Queen' s Marines
Call out the King' s Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don' t call me
Monday night me ' and was on her ankle
Tuesday night me ' and was on her knees
Wednesday night, success!
I lifted up her dress
Thursday night I lifted up her silk chemise
Well, Friday night I got me ' and upon it
Saturday night I gave it just a tweak
Sunday after supper
I rammed the fucker up ' er
And now I' m payin' thirty bob a week
(Gorblimey
)
Call out the members of the Queen' s Marines
Call out the King' s Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don' t call me
I don' t want to be a soldier
I don' t want to join the fightin' class
I just want to go
Down to old Soho
Pinchin' all the girlies in the shoulder blades
Oh, I don' t want to see the Queen' s dominions
Why Hamilton' s full o' girls I' ve never ' ad
I just want to stay in Hamilton
Dirty Dirty Hamilton
And follow in the footsteps of me dad
Call out the members of the Queen' s Marines
Call out the King' s Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don' t call me.
CHORUS:
I used to work in Chicago,
at the old department store
I used to work in Chicago,
I don' t work there anymore
Leader: A woman came in for a hammer
Group: A HAMMER FROM THE STORE
Leader: A hammer she wanted, nailed she got!
Group: Oh, I don't work there anymore!
Leader: A man came in for a donut
Group: A DONUT FROM THE STORE
Leader: A donut he wanted, my hole he got!
Group: Oh, I don't work there anymore!
Hammer(#2) he wanted, banged he got
Carpet she wanted, shag she got
Nail he wanted, screwed he got
Fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got
Meat she wanted, sausage she got
Beef she wanted, pork she got
Pork he wanted, my roast beef he got
Camel she wanted, humped she got
Drill she wanted, a reamed she got
Jewellery she wanted, pearl necklace she got
KitKat she wanted, four fingers she got
Juicy Fruit she wanted, my Big Red she got
Snap-on he wanted, my strap-on he got
A piano she wanted, my organ she got
Lobster he wanted, crabs he got
Ham she wanted, porked she got
A Hairdryer he wanted, a blow job he got
A Needle she wanted, pricked she got
Linoleum he wanted, laid he got
Fishing pole she wanted, my rod she got
Assistance she wanted, my AIDS she got
Coffee she wanted, my cream she got
Fuck she wanted, fuck she got
Kayak he wanted, my pink canoe he got
Burrito he wanted my fuzzy taco he got
Front door he wanted, my back door he got
Turkey he wanted, gobbled he got
Booze she wanted, licker her she got
Ruler she wanted, 12 inches she got
Bread he wanted, yeast he got
Eggs she wanted, laid she got
Stamps he wanted, licked he got
Saddle he wanted ridden he got
Calendar he wanted, date he got
Fan he wanted, blown he got
Light switch he wanted, turned on he got
Flowers he wanted, my two lips he got
Cat he wanted, my pussy he got
8
Marrying Kind
Everyone:
If I was the Marrying Kind, I thank the lord I'm not, Sir.
I kind of woman / man that I would marry would be a rugby
One Person: Prop, Sir.
Everyone: Prop, Sir? Why, Sir?
One Person: Cause she'd keep it up,
And I'd keep it up,
Everyone: We'd both keep it up together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night.
Keeping it up together.
One Person: Hooker, Sir.
Everyone: Hooker Sir? Why Sir?
One Person: Cause he'd strike hard,
And I'd strike hard,
Everyone: We'd both strike hard together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night.
Striking hard together.
prop
support a hooker
2nd row
push hard
8 man
sniff butt
scrum half
put it in
scrum half
pass out
fly-half
whip it out
winger
spread it wide
winger
come to fast
winger
never get in
full back
find touch
full back
kick balls
referee
fuck it up
rugby player
do it in the mud
half time orange
get sucked
spectator in the rain
come in rubbers
spectator in the sun
come again
fan from 100 miles away
eat out
goal post
stand erect
goal post
get split
rugby touch line
get laid
grounds keeper
trim bush
grounds keeper
poke holes
grounds keeper
sow seeds
boot
come in a box
cleat
get screwed
ball
pumped
whistle
blown
(Any Team) Are You Listening
(sung to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland")
(Any Team) are you listening
On your schlong, the schmegmas glistening
It's a beautiful night
His asshole is tight,
Shooting lusty loads across his face.
As you whack in the loose ruck,
You can't wait till you butt fuck,
It's a beautiful night
His asshole is tight,
Shooting lusty loads across his face.
Bridge:
In the scrum you play hide the sausage,
Hooker screams "give it to me straight!"
And you really want us to join you,
But we would much rather fuck your dates.
Later on, as you butt ram,
You're the shepherd
He's the little lamb,
It's a beautiful night,
His asshole is tight,
I'm glad I never played for (Any Team)
9
Yogi Bear
(Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races")
I know someone you don' t know, Yogi, Yogi, Yogi likes it in the snow, Polar
Bear.
I know someone you don' t know, Yogi, Yogi Bear. Yogi likes it up side down,
Koala Bear.
Yogi, Yogi Bear. Yogi, Yogi Bear. Yogi likes it in a car, Panda Bear.
I know someone you don' t know, Yogi, Yogi Bear. Yogi's got a girlfriend,
Suzy Bear.
Suzy likes it ' gainst the fridge, Polar Bear.
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo.
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo Bear.
Booboo, Booboo Bear. Booboo, Booboo Bear
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo, Booboo.
Yogi has an enemy, Ranger, Ranger.
Yogi has an enemy, Ranger, Ranger Smith.
Ranger, Ranger Smith. Ranger, Ranger Smith.
Yogi has an enemy, Ranger, Smith.
Booboo likes it up the ass, Brown Bear.
Yogi has a 10" cock, Black Bear.
Suzy likes to shave her pubes, Grizzly Bear.
Yogi likes it with a chew, Kodak, Bear.
Suzy wears crotchless panties, Teddy Bear.
Suzy' s snatch it smells like cheese, Camembert.
Suzy she has great big tits, More than I can bear
Suzy likes to threesome, Lucky Bear.
Booboo likes it in a tree, Koala Bear.
Yogi likes lingerie, Teddy bear.
Hay Rugger
(sung to the tune When Johnny Comes Marching Home.)
I met a whore in the park one day, yo ho, yo ho
I met a whore in the park one day, yo ho, yo ho
I met a whore in the park one day
She said "hey rugger, you wanna lay".
Refrain:
Get in, Get out, quit fuckin' about, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.
I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her toe,
she said "hey rugger you're way to low".
Refrain
I put my hand upon her knee, she said "hey rugger you're kiddin' me".
I put my hand upon her thigh, she said "hey rugger you're way to shy".
I put my hand upon her tit, she said, "hey rugger, you're getting it".
I put my hand upon her ass, she said "hey rugger you're there at last".
I put my hand upon her twat, she said "hey rugger you hit the spot"
I put my dick into her mouth, She said "mmmh, mmmh, mmmh"
I put her in a wooden box, from havin' too many rugger's cocks.
I dig her up every now and then, she did me before she'll do me again.
Now these few ruggers they went to hell, the fucked the devil his wives as
well.
yo ho, yo ho, yo ho
10
New Orleans Is Sinking
The Tragically Hip
Bourbon blues on the street, loose and complete
under skies all smoky blue-green
I can't forsake a Dixie dead-shake
so we danced the sidewalk clean.
My memory is muddy. What's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinking man, and I don't wanna swim!
Colonel Tom, what's wrong? What's going on?
You can't tie yourself up for a deal
He said "hey north you're south shut your big mouth,
you gotta do what you feel is real"
Ain't got no picture postcards, ain't got no souvenirs
my baby, she don't know me when I'm thinking bout
those years.
Pale as a light bulb hanging on a wire
sucking up to someone just to stoke the fire
picking out the highlights of the scenery
saw a little cloud that looked a little like me.
I had my hands in the river,
my feet back up on the banks
looked up to the Lord above
and said "hey man thanks"
sometimes I feel so good I gotta scream
she said Gordie baby I know exactly what you mean
she said
. she said
.. I swear to God she said...
My memory is muddy. What's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinking man and I don't wanna swim!
11
Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
Gordon Lightfoot
The legend lives on from the chippewa on down
Of the big lake they called "Gitche Gumee"
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the "Gales of November" came early.
The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most
With a crew and good captain well seasoned
Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ship's bell rang
Could it be the north wind they'd been feelin'?
The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too,
T'was the witch of November come stealin'.
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the Gales of November came slashin'.
When afternoon came it was freezin' rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.
When suppertime came, the old cook came on deck sayin'.
"Fellas, it's too rough to feed ya."
At Seven P.M. a main hatchway caved in', he said
"Fellas, it's been good t'know ya"
The captain wired in he had water comin' in
And the good ship and crew was in peril.
And later that night when its lights went outta sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.
Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searches all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd put fifteen more miles behind her.
They might have split up or they might have capsized;
May have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.
Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water mansion.
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams;
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.
And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her,
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the Gales of November remembered.
In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
In the "Maritime Sailors' Cathedral."
The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call "Gitche Gumee".
"Superior", they said, "never gives up her dead
When the 'Gales of November' come early!"
Sunshine Mountain
I' m climbing up the Sunshine Mountain, (clinging motion)
Where the four wind blow. (blow 4 times)
I' m climbing up the Sunshine Mountain, (clinging motion)
Faces all a glow. (hands to side of face, big smile)
Turn your back on sorrow, (turn around, point to back)
reach up to the sky. (arms reaching up)
I' m climbing up the Sunshine Mountain, (clinging motion)
You and I
You and I
You and I
(repeat)
12
Anybody Seen J C ?
Chorus
Has anybody seen J C
J C, J C, J C, J C.
Not since Easter Monday,
Riding on a Donkey.
Has anybody seen J C
J C, J C, J C, J C
Virgin born, head of thorn
Resurrects the dead at dawn
That J C, he' s devine
Changes water into wine.
Virgin Mary, She' s the most
She' s been fuck by the Hole Ghost
Cleans up temples it is said
Raises spastics from their bed
J C, He' s so cool
Boogies across my swimming pool
Took three loaves and five fish
Feed five thousand piece of piss
Lots of songs, raises cheers,
In the charts two thousand years
Holes in hands, Holes in Feet,
Carries his cross down the street,
Holy Ghost, He' s the most,
Gets them pissed on wine and toast,
Banished fear and gave us hope,
Went one better than the Pope,
Love he gave, faith he took,
Still the Worlds best selling book,
Save our souls, fun we poke,
Sorry God its just a joke.
J C stands five foot nine,
Plays scrum half for Palestine.
Arms out wide, feet are tied,
It' s hard to boogie when your crucified.
YESTERDAY
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though they're here to stay.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, I yesterday came suddenly.
Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
Birth control, could be the saviour of your soul.
With your dick inside your girlfriends hole.
Oh, I believe in Birth control.
Suddenly, an unexpected pregnancy,
There's a shotgun hanging over me.
Yes I believe in Birth control.
Why I had to cum I don't know I couldn't say.
I did something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Sifolise, it all started with a simple kiss,
Now, it hurt when I take a piss.
Now I believe in sifolise
Leprosy, What a sorry mess I am to see.
Even friends can't stand to look at me.
Oh, I despise my leprosy.
Gradually, I'm not half the man I used to be.
Pieces keep on falling off of me.
It happens now so gradually.
When my tongue fell off,
I don't know, I couldn't say.
I said, [*garbled*] "zump ping wong".
Now I long for that sweet day
When I had no
Leprosy.
Making with me could never be.
Yes, I've lost my chance for ecstasy.
Oh I despise
My leprosy.
13
Rugby Men
(Sung to the tune of "This Old Man")
Rugby man, He plays one,
He likes it right up the bum.
With a nick nack paddy wack
Give the ball a way
Women's rugby's what we play
He plays two, He can't get it up to screw.
He plays three, He' s not big enough for me.
He plays four, He may try but he can' t score.
He plays five, He likes to muff dive.
He plays six, Little man with a little dick.
He plays seven, Masturbation is his Heaven.
He plays eight, He always cums to fucking late.
He plays nine, He thinks his orgasms mine.
He plays ten, Little boys who think their men.
Doe a Beer
(sung to the tune "Doe a Deer")
Doe, a beer, a female beer.
Rae, the man who pours me beer.
Me, a girl who likes her beer.
Far, a long long way for beer.
So, I' ll have another beer.
Lagers not as good as beer.
Tea, no thanks I' ll have a beer.
And that will bring us back to beer.
(second verse same as the first just use the word beer in place of
everything)
Hornets RFC
We have a reputation
for seducing little girls,
and harassing old age pensioners
and stealing babies toys.
We are the ass holes of the universe
We are the pricks you' ll never see.
We' re a bunch of dirty bastards
We are the Hornets R.F.C.
Why are we waiting?
(sung to the tune "Come all Ye Faithfull")
Why are we waiting?
Why are we waiting?
Why are we waiting?
Oh, Why why why?
Why are we waiting?
He / She must be masturbating.
Why are we waiting?
Oh, Why why why?
Sit On My Face
Monty Python
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me.
Sit on my face and I' ll tell you I love you too.
I love to here you oralize,
When I' m between your thighs,
You blow me away!
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I' ll sit on your face and then our love will be
true.
Life can be fine is we all 69
If we sit on our faces,
And all sorts of places and play
We' ll be blown a way.
FATHER ABRAHAM
Father Abraham,
had seven sons, Sir.
had seven sons, Sir.
Had Father Abraham.
And they didn' t laugh,
And they didn' t cry,
All they did was go like this .....
With a left
And a right
And a left
And a right
14
Tampon Factory
You can tell by the smell
that she isn' t very well.
When the time of the
month comes around.
You can tell by the stain
that she really is in pain.
When the time of the
month comes around.
Chorus
It' s a jamboree, it' s the tampon factory.
Shout out your order load and clear.
They have small medium large,
Super duper fill the barge
When the time of the
month comes around.
You can tell by the stench
That something' s rotten in her trench
You can tell by the crust
She won' t want you to thrust
You can tell by the rope
That you haven' t got a hope.
You can tell by her frown
That you' ll have to go for brown
You can tell by the moaning
That she' s leaking hemoglobin
You can tell by the flies
That are swarming round her thighs
You can tell by the taste
that it isn' t salmon paste.
It will stick to your dick
If you don' t fuck her real quick.
You can make her thingy sing
Just by pulling on the string.
Flower of Scotland
0 Flower of Scotland
When will we see
Your like again,
That fought and died for
Your wee bit Hill and Glen
And stood against him
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
The Hills are bare now
And Autumn leaves lie thick and still
O'er land that is lost now
Which those so dearly held
That stood against him
Proud Edward's Army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
Those days are past now
And in the past they must remain
But we can still rise now
And be the nation again
That stood against him
Proud Edward's Army
And sent him homeward,
Tae think again.
0 Flower of Scotland
When will we see
Your like again,
That fought and died for
Your wee bit Hill and Glen
And stood against him
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
[written and composed by Roy MB Williamson I936-1]
15
Ring a Rang a Roo
I got a gal in Hamilton.
Well she's so young just sweet sixteen
She's so young and pretty too
And she's got what they call a ring a rang a roo
Chorus
Well the ring a rang a roo. Prey what is that.
It's got hair all around, like a pussy cat
It's oval in shape, and split in two
and that is what they call, a ring a rang a roo
She took me down in to her cellar.
And she told me I was a mighty fine fella
She fed me wine and whiskey too
And she let me play with her ring-a-rang-a-roo
She took me up into her bed
Placed a pillow underneath my head
She took out my cock a doodle doo
And stuck it in her ring a rang a roo
Now her mother said you dirty bitch
Your gone and ruined your virginship
So pack your bags and suitcase too
And go to hell with your ring a rang a roo
So she went to town to become a whore
And she placed a sign upon her bedroom door
Five dollars down, or two will do
To take a crack at my ring a rang a roo
They came by ones, they came by threes
She let them do just what they pleased
First came the boys then the men too
'till they damn near ruined her ring a rang a roo
The Mayor of Bayswater
The Mayor of Bayswater
Had a pretty daughter
And the hairs on her dicky di do
Went down to here knees
Chorus
And the hairs on her dicky di do
And the hairs on her dicky di do
And the hairs on her dicky di do
Hung down to her knees
One black one, one white one
And one with a bit of shite on
And one with a fairy light on
To show us the way
It took a welsh miner
To find her vaginer
I licked it I flicked it
I wound up and kicked it
She married an italian
With balls like a fucking stallion
She came back from florida
With a cunt like a corridor
She divorced the Italian
And married a fucking stallion
She lived in a lighthouse
That smelled like a shite house
If she was my daughter
I'd have them cut shorter
Zulu Warrior
Hang 'em down, you zulu warrior.
Hang 'em down, you zulu
chief, chief, chief, chief.
a zumba zumba zumba
a zumba zumba zumba
a zumba zumba zumba
a zumba zumba zumba
[repeat]
16
Oh, the year was 1778
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
When a letter of marquee came from the king
to the scummiest vessel I've ever seen.
CHORUS
God damn them all!
I was told we'd cruise the seas for American gold,
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears.
Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier,
The last of Barrett's Privateers
Oh, Elcid Barrett cried the town
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
For twenty brave men, all fishermen, who
Would make for him the Antelope's crew.
Well, the Antelope sloop was a sickening sight.
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
She'd a list to the port, and her sails in rags,
And the cook in the scuppers with the staggers
and jags.
On the king's birthday we put to sea.
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
We were 91 days to Montego Bay,
Pumping like madmen all the way.
Barrett's Privateers
(By Stan Rogers)
On the 96th day we sailed again,
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
When a bloody great Yankee hove in sight.
With our cracked four-pounders we made to fight.
Oh, the Yankee lay low down with gold.
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
She was broad and fat and loose in stays,
But to catch her took the Antelope two whole
days.
At length we stood two cables away.
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
Our cracked four-pounders made an awful din,
But with one fat ball the Yank stove us in.
The Antelope pitched and lay on her side.
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
Barrett was smashed like a bowl of eggs,
And the main truck carried off both my legs.
Now here I sit, in my twenty-third year.
How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now
It's been six years since we sailed away,
And I just made Halifax yesterday.
Beastiality's Best
Chorus
Beastiality' s best boys,
beastiality' s best;
Beastiality' s best boys,
beastiality' s best.
Verses
Try the box of a fox boys,
Try the box of a fox.
Try the box of a fox boys,
Try the box of a fox.
Choose the arse of a horse
Taste the juice of a moose
Stick your dick in a chick
Go to sleep with a sheep
Chew the goo from a moo (cow) In the cunt of a skunk
Throw your log in a dog Up the snatch of a cat
Now and then with a hen
Throw your load in a toad
Lick the stink of a mink
Have a fuck with a duck
Snuggle up near a deer
In the ear of a deer
Give a chimp a limp
Fill the hole of a mole
Work your tool in a mule
Intercourse with a horse
69 with a swine
Up the crack of a yak
In the eye of a fly
In the clit of a knit
In the back door of a boar
Shoot sperm up a worm
17
ON THE FIRST DAY OF RUGBY
On the first day of rugby,
my true love gave to me:
A hand job that wasn't worth a fuck,
WORTH A FUCK.
On the second day of rugby,
my true love gave to me:
two herpy sores, and
A hand job that wasn't worth a fuck,
WORTH A FUCK.
three french whores
four flying fucks:
FIVE PUBIC HAIRS
six Sixty-Niners
seven sleazy sisters
eight aching assholes
nine nympho nuns
ten tonness of titties
eleven licking lesbos
twelve twitching twats
SINGING IN THE RAIN
I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain.
What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again.
Thumbs up! [Group echoes.]
Toot-ta-ta-da, toot-ta-ta-da, toot-DA-DA. [Group echoes.]
[Add each of the following, in turn:]
Elbows in, Knees together, Toes together, Bums out
Chest out, Chin down, Tongue out
What Shall We Do with the
Drunken Rugger?
What shall we do with the drunken rugger,
What shall we do with the drunken rugger,
What shall we do with the drunken rugger,
Early in the morning?
Chorus
Hooray up she rises,
Hooray up she rises,
Hooray up she rises,
Early in the morning.
Take him, rake him, try to wake him,...
Give him lashings with a rope end,
Bathe his wounds in salty water,
Sling him in the shithouse till he's sober,
Pull out the plug and wet him all over,
Put him below until he's sober,
Get a hose and wet him all over,
Shave his balls with a rusty razor,
Send him up the uprights until he falls down,
That's what we'll do with the drunken rugger.
The Days of the Week
Today is Monday. [echo]
Monday is a finger day. [echo]
Chorus
Is every body Happy?
You bet your ass we Happy!
Today is Tuesday.
Tuesday is a blowjob day.
Monday is a finger day.
Wednesday is a wanking day.
Tuesday is a blowjob day.
Monday is a finger day.
Today is Thursday. Thursday is a 69er day.
Today is Friday. Friday is a funking day.
Today is Saturday. Saturday is a RUGBY day.
Today is Sunday. Sunday is a day of rest.
And these are all days of the week.
18
Quartermaster's Store
There were ants, ants in little tartan pants
In the store, in the store,
There were ants, ants in little tartan pants
In the quartermaster's store.
Refrain
My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I - have - not - brought - my
spectacles - with - me.
There were turtles, turtles wearing rubber girdles
There were rats, rats as big as alley cats
There was cheese, cheese with shocking dirty knees
There were eggs, eggs on little bandy legs
There were kippers, kippers in little furry slippers
There were beans, beans as big as submarines
There was cake, cake that gives us tummy-aches
There was Kate, Kate who likes to masturbate.
There was Tom, Tom and his tiny little schlong.
Amazing Grace
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved,
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come.
'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
Yes, when this heart and flesh shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the vail,
A life of joy and peace.
Allouette
Alouette, gentile alouette
Alouette, je te plumerai
Leader - How I love his balding head
Group - Oh how we love his balding head
Leader - His balding head
Group - His balding head
Leader - His allouette
Group - His allouette
Beady eyes
Big ugly nose
Toothless grin
Double chin
Hairy back
Saggy breasts
Big beer gut
Little dick
Tiny balls
Wide ass
Stick legs
SHE'LL BE COMIN' 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes. (Whoo, whoo!)
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes. (Whoo, whoo!)
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain,
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain,
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes. (Whoo, whoo!)
She'll be driving six white horses, when she comes, (Whoa, there!)
Oh, we'll all go out to meet her when she comes. (Hi babe!)
She'll be wearing silk pyjamas when she comes, (Wolf whistle.)
And, we'll wear our bright red woollies when she comes, (Scratch, scratch!)
Oh, we'll kill the old red rooster when she comes, (Hack, hack!)
Oh, we'll all have chicken and dumplings when she comes, (Yum, yum!)
Oh, we'll all have indigestion when she comes, (Burp, burp!)
19
Riverboat Fantasy
(David Wilcox)
Sittin' on a riverboat having a party, me and my Cajun queen.
She's turning 21 on the Mississippi River, headin' down to New Orleans
The year is 1894, oh come on Momma and love me some more.
Her dark eyes flash like a gamblers rings, she shakes her pretty head and
sings.
Chorus
Life for me is a Riverboat Fantasy, watchin' the sun go down.
A rock and roll band with a reefer in my hand, now look at that wheel go
round.
Cocaine kisses and moonshine misses, that's the life for me.
I'm sailing away from my heartache on a Riverboat Fantasy.
I can't think, can't drink any more whiskey. I could have drunk a river dry.
This old boat she just sitting in the moon light catching the gleam in here
eye.
Showers of rain come pouring down, the sky full of stars like a French lace
gown.
Slimmer, ghimmer, I think I'm gonna fall, wopps, catch me Momma that's all.
Chorus
Delta Sun beats down like a hammer, it gives a low down blues.
I got a cotton gin, a weave and spin, and shake the dust from my shoes.
I've made my money , I've found me a honey, to tickle me under my chin.
When the morning comes I'll ride into town and worry 'bout the shape I'm in.
Chorus
Jonestown
(Sung to the tune of "Downtown")
When your down and your broke Congressman Ryan, on a mission of spyin'
and your religions a joke, Would not drink with
Why don' t you go and see, Jim Jones
Jim Jones Such a public disgrace, they had to blow off his face
' Cause he would not drink with
Refrain Jim Jones
Watch him mix the Cool Aid in the vat so lethal.
Listen to the anguished cries of all the dying people. Refrain
Everyone Dies.
First you cough and you wheeze, then you drop to
The rev' s the most gracious host your knees
So, lift up your glasses, the ultimate toast. From drinking Cool Aid with
(So, lift up your glasses, the drug of the masses) Jim Jones
Your in Jonestown. You arrive back in the states, decomposed in your
Drink with the reverend Jim. crates
Jonestown. From drinking Cool Aid with
Chances are mighty slim Jim Jones
Jonestown.
People are dropping like flies. Refrain
Jonestown, Jonestown, (repeat in diminuendo)
20
Lumberjack Song
Monty Python
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the Lavatory
On Wednesdays I go shopping
and have buttered scones for tea.
He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the Lavatory
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
and has buttered scones for tea.
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing
and hang around in bars.
He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers
He puts on women's clothing
and hangs around in bars?
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels,
suspendies and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
just like my dear Pappa.
He cuts down trees.
He wears high heels?
Suspendies... and a bra?
...He's a lumberjack and he's O K A Y
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
...He's a lumberjack and he's O K A Y
He sleeps all night And he works all day.
Bruces' Philosophers Song
Monty Python
Emmanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya,
'bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shanty was particularly ill,
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whisky every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle, was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbs was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
That Roster
We had some chickens, no eggs would they lay.
We had some chickens, no eggs would they lay.
Until that Roster came into our yard.
Their laying eggs now like they never did before.
Ever since that roaster came into our yard.
We had some moo cows, no mike would they give.
We had some sheep, no wool would they give.
We had some elephants, no tusks would they grow.
We had a stand off, no ball would he pass.
21