BAWDY BALLADS & DIRTY DITTIES
OF THE WARTIME RAF
First edition
Published in 2000 by
WOODFIELD PUBLISHING
Bognor Regis, West Sussex P021 5EL UK
© The Contributors, 2000
ISBN 0 873203 69 1
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic or mechanical, nor may it be stored
in any information storage and retrieval system,
without prior permission from the publisher.
of the Wartime RAF
Compiled by
HAROLD BENNETT
Woodfield Publishing
BOGNOR REGIS • WEST SUSSEX • ENGLAND
Fi?©Ąc*ee
This is the first edition of Bawdy Ballads & Dirty Ditties, and
although a great deal of time and trouble has gone into its creation,
there may be errors or omissions in some of the lyrics as printed
here.
If you can suggest any corrections/alterations/additions to the
material contained herein, or know of any other ditties or ballads
that should have been included, please let us know.
Write to: Editorial Dept
Woodfield Publishing
Bognor Regis
P0215EL
United Kingdom
email to: submissions@woodfieldpublishing.com
It is odd that two of us, Ted Bowles and I, wrote to the Editor of
Intercom at exactly the same time on the same subject: the 'dirty
ditties' and 'bawdy ballads' that were sung in Aircrew Messes during
World War 2. It had not occurred to me that I might land the job
of collecting the whole lot!
People have been most helpful in submitting a large amount of such
stuff. Many thanks to all, worldwide. Thanks in particular to Gordon
Collett who sent his hand-written "Wop/AG's Bible" of eighty or so
rude songs and to Gerhard Heilig of Vienna (who was in the RAF!)
who sent me another fortyish. I say "another" with some abandon,
because some songs exist in such a wide variety of versions that
they are virtually completely different from each other. Several
appear in this book in their various forms. Other semi-duplicates I
have merged, showing the variations in brackets.
At times it has been hard work typing them in. It's difficult to roll
around on the floor laughing and keep typing!
To save space, I have kept the presentation as simple as possible.
For example choruses (sung between verses) are simply labelled
CHORUS - with the words of the chorus in italics - easy!
It is strange that the biggest response related to a poem that is
probably not of RAF origin at all: 'Boidies' {see page 25). Nobody
seems to know where this rhyme originated, but hopefully the
version included here is now complete.
Thank you everybody who contributed!
Harold Bennett, November 2000
/
AlpIte&eEieed Index
504 Auxiliary
Squadron.................................................................................30
A Little
Bit........................................................................................................57
A Shilling a
Go...............................................................................................112
Abdul Abulbul
Emir....................................................................................241
Advice............................................................................................................161
Aircrew Cadets' Lament,
An.......................................................................144
Aircrew
Chum.................................................................................................19
Airman's Prayer,
The....................................................................................233
Albert.............................................................................................................134
Alderman's Daughters,
The.......................................................................302
Alice
Tucker...................................................................................................180
All The Nice Girls Love a
Candle................................................................205
Alouette.........................................................................................................208
Analysis of a
Man....................................................................,.....................127
Anthony Roley or
ABC.................................................................................256
Anti-War
Panacea..........................................................................................44
Archibald Clare or the
Jugulaire..................................................................60
Arse-End
Charlie............................................................'...............................33
Arsehole,
Charcoal.......................................................................................300
Arseholes Are Cheap
Today.......................................................................197
As one goes
by................................................................................................
22
Aubade For The
Shithouse.........................................................................255
B
Flight..........................................................................................................218
Babe That I Carry,
The................................................................................313
Baby
Carriage.................................................................................................58
Ball of Kirriemuir, The #
1............................................................................166
Ball Of Kirriemuir, The
#2............................................................................168
Ballad Of Eskimo Nell,
The..........................................................................117
Balls of O'Leary,
The........................................................................................146
Barracuda
II......................................................................................................23
Bastard King of England,
The...............................................................,......65
Behind Those Swinging
Doors______.......................................................283
Belting Down the
Runway............................................................................53
Bengal
Blues.......................................................................................................272
Benghazi Mail Run,
The..............................................................................186
Bless 'em
All......................................,.........................................................................29
Blinded by
Shit...............................................................................................................69
Bloody Great Wheel,
The.......................,................................................................
40
Bloody
Hell........................................,,.............................................................................70
Boat
Ballad......................................................................................................................260
7
Boidies..............................:..............................................................................25
Bold Aviator,
The............................................................................................18
Bollocks!........................................................................................................128
Bollocky Bill the
Sailor...................................................................................68
Boy Meets
Girl.................................................................................................73
Brian
Boru.......................................................................................................71
Bricklayers' Union,
The...............................................................................289
Briefing,
The...................................................................................................27
Brown
Eyes......................................................................................................88
Butchers..........................................................................................................79
Gallup
Blues...................................................................................................16
Chandler's Shop,
The....................................................................................87
Chastity Belt,
The........................................................................................181
Chicago...........................................................................................................89
Chin Chin
Chinaman...................................................................................97
Choric Song of the Masturbators,
The....................................................,.237
Cocaine
Bill.....................................................................................................92
Cold
...............................................................................................................194
Come on and
Join..........................................................................................21
Come on
Boys.................................................................................................72
Cowboy's Whore,
The..................................................................................304
Craven
A..........................................................................................................94
Crayfish,
The..................................................................................................95
Cuando Caliente El
Sol...............................................................................153
Daily
Prayer..................................................................................................136
Daniel and the
King....................................................................................199
Darkie Sunday
School...................................................................................96
D-Day
Dodgers..............................................................................................31
Deadeye Dick
(Again).................................................................................107
Definitions......................................................................................................99
Diamond
Lily................................................................................................189
Did You Ever
See?..........................................................................................289
Dinah, Dinah, Show Us Your
Leg...............................................................101
Dirge of 849,
The.............................................................................................102
Dirty
Gertie..............................................................................____...........___187
Do Your Balls Hang
Low?..................................................................................304
Doggies' Meeting,
The.................................................................._______107
Don't Say
No..........................................................................................____.....268
Down by the Barrack
Gate..........................................._________.................. 142
Dual
Control................................................................................................................146
Duchess of Lee,
The....................................______............................___238
Durex Is A Girl's Best
Friend.......................................................................................126
Fairey!
Fairey!___.......................................................___.....................................23
Family Called Stein,
A..............................................................................................
148
Fanny
Bay...................................................................._......--------113
8.................««,...........>«,..,.................................................
Farmer's Dog, The
........................................................................................105
Farting Competition,
The...........................................................................129
Father's
Grave...............................................................................................145
Fifty-One
Squadron.......................................................................................45
Foggy Foggy Dew,
The.................................................................................136
For Johnny (1942)
..........................................................................................16
Forty thousand
Fortresses............................................................................26
Frankie and
Johnnie....................................................................................138
Gay Caballero,
The........................................................................................74
Gay Caballeroo
#2..........................................................................................75
Gentlemen Should Please
Refrain............................................................279
Get Hold of
This...........................................................................................116
Good Old
Beer..............................................................................................274
Good Ship Venus,
The.................................................................................295
Grace..............................................................................................................143
Grace
#2.........................................................................................................143
Grandad's
Grave..........................................................................................144
Great Plenipotentiary,
The.........................................................................224
Group
HQ........................................................................................................37
Gungda
Din..................................................................................................293
Hard
Cider......................................................................................................53
Harlot of Jerusalem,
The.............................................................................154
He Tried Me on the
Sofa..............................................................................221
Hedgehog,
The............................................................................................148
Hedgehog, The (Again!)
.............................................................................149
Here's to the
breezes...................................................................................234
Hole in the Elephant's Bottom,
The..........................................................115
Honolulu
Penny...........................................................................................183
How Ashamed I
Was......................................................................................50
How Much to
Oldham?.................................................................................218
How the Money Rolls
In..............................................................................200
I Don't Want to Join the Air
Force...........................................,......................17
I Don't Want to Join the
Army.......................................................................17
I Dreamed My
Love.....................................................................................Ill
I Haven't Seen Old
Hitler...............................................................................45
I Owe me
Darlin'.............................................................................................91
I Took My Wife For A
Scramble....................................................................268
I've Got
Sixpence___........___......................................................................273
If........................................................................................................................................151
If I Were The Marrying
Kind................................................................................190
InMatruh....................................................................................................................197
In
Mobile...........................................................................................................195
In the Violet
Time..........................................................................................................232
It's foolish but it's
fun----------......_______.....................................................35
9
Ivan Skavinsky
Skavar................................................................................239
John
Thomas................................................................................................284
Joys of Copulation,
The.................................................................................80
Katukarunda..................................................................................................61
Keyhole in the
Door.....................................................................................162
Keyhole in the Door
#2................................................................................163
Kidney Wiper,
The.......................................................................................164
Kiss Me Goodnight Sergeant
Major...........................................................270
Lady Astor's
Speech.....................................................................................219
Lady
Jane......................................................................................................175
Large
Balls.......................................................................................................56
Last
Class......................................................................................................264
Last Saturday
Night.....................................................................................266
Letitia has a Large
One................................................................................178
Life Presents a Dismal
Picture...................................................................104
Lilian
Barker..................................................................................................179
Little
Angeline................................................................................................62
Little
Jim........................................................................................................160
Little
Mildred................................................................................................125
Little
Sally......................................................................................................125
Long Strong Black
Pudding........................................................................282
Lord St
Clancy..............................................................................................259
Love
One.......................................................................................................251
Lulu................................................................................................................182
Lydia
Pink.....................................................................................................184
Mad
Carew......................................................................................................78
Malaya...........................................................................................................188
Mary
Box........................................................................................................247
Mary had a Little
Lamb...............................................................................161
Mary Was A Good
Girl..................................................................................192
Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter,
The.......................................................... 67
Me No Likee Blitish
Sairor.............................................................................270
Modern Meteorologist,
The..........................................................................32
Mole Catcher,
The...........................................................................................198
Monk of Great Renown,
The.......................................................................204
Monte
Carlo........................................................................................................205
Mr Codfish And Mr
Sole.....................................................................................
66
Mr Pupil and Mr
Instructor.............................................-------........_______42
My Darling
Clementine..................______________...................................90
My Grandfather's
Cock................................................................................____93
My
Husband...................................................................................................................
150
My Jenny Wren
Wedding..........................____...........................-------------152
My Little Pink
Panties......................................................................................................221
My Love Is For A Bold
Marine.............._____........----------......_______......189
10 mmmem
My Old Flo.....................................................................................................275
My Ring A-Rang A-Roo................................................................................250
Nellie 'Awkins.................................................................................................59
Nelson and
Hood.........................................................................................208
Nemesis..........................................................................................................76
Nightwatchman...........................................................................................114
No Balls At
All................................................................................................211
No Balls At All
#2...........................................................................................212
North Atlantic
Squadron..............................................................................54
O'Reilly's
Daughter......................................................................................248
Ode to the Four Letter
Word.......................................................................213
Ode to the Four Letter Word
#2..................................................................215
Old Apple Tree,
The.....................................................................................131
Old
Boy..........................................................................................................206
Old Farmer,
The..............................................................................................98
Old-Fashioned Hali,
An.................................................................................38
Old-Fashioned Wimpey,
An..........................................................................38
Old King
Cole..................................................................................................46
Old King Cole
#2.............................................................................................48
Old King Cole
#3.............................................................................................49
Old Monk,
The..............................................................................................203
Old Red Flannel Drawers that Maggie Wore,
The....................................108
Old Woman Of Dublin,
The........................................................................113
Ollie, Ollie,
Ollie............................................................................................214
On Ilkley Moor Bar
t'at.................................................................................159
On Monday I touched her on the
ankle......................................................59
Once There Was a Servant
Girl...................................................................275
One Fish
Ball.................................................................................................133
One of the
Few..............................................................................................132
Ops In A
Whitley.............................................................................................33
Ops In A
Wimpey,............................................................................................33
Our Flight
Sergeant.........................................................................................39
Pacific
Lament..............................................................................................216
Passengers will please refrain
#1...............................................................278
Passengers will please refrain
#2...............................................................278
Penguin............................................................................................................220
Pickeldy Pickeldy
Pox...........................................................................................222
Pig Song,
The.................................................................................................................223
Please Don't Burn Our Shithouse
Down..................................................272
Poor Blind
Nell..............................................................................................................64
Portions of a Woman,
The___..................................................-----............310
Pump
Away.......-----......___............___...................................______.........176
Puritan Mathyas,
The...............................................................................................242
Quartermaster's Stores,
The...................................................................— 14
n
Queen of all the
Fairies...............................................................................290
Questions &
Answers...................................................................................
243
Rajah-Sahib of Astrakhan,
The..................................................................280
Ram of Derbyshire,
The..............................................................................245
Rape...............................................................................................................246
Red Riding
Hood..........................................................................................247
Ring The Bell,
Verger....................................................................................228
Ring-A-Dang-Do..........................................................................................252
Rip My Knickers
Away.................................................................................253
Roedean
School............................................................................................254
Roll Me
Over..................................................................................................257
Roll Me Over In The Clover
#2....................................................................259
Roll Your Leg
Over.........................................................................................262
Salome...........................................................................................................261
Salome
#2......................................................................................................263
Salvation
Army.............................................................................................264
Sammy
Hall..................................................................................................265
Scapa
Flow.......................................................................................................41
Second Oldest Profession,
The..................................................................126
Seven Whores Of
Pompey..........................................................................305
Shaibah Blues
................................................................................................41
She had to go and Lose it at the
Astor.........................................................51
She Was Poor But She Was
Honest.............................................................229
She Went for a Ride in a
Morgan................................................................206
She'll be Coming Round the
Mountain....................................................207
Single-Engined
Basket.................................................................................15
Sister
Lily.......................................................................................................110
Some Die Of Drinking
Water......................................................................103
Song Of The
Gremlins.....................................................................................24
Sonia
Snell....................................................................................................276
Sour
grapes?..................................................................................................162
Souse Family,
The.................................................................................___244
Sparrer,
The...................................................................................................274
Spitfire Story
A..................................................................................................
36
Story of P/O Prune,
The................................................................................235
Street in Cairo,
A...............................................................................................
77
Street of a Thousand Arseholes................................................-----..........285
Street of a Thousand Arseholes
#2.............................................................286
Sunday, Monday Or
Always............____.......________.............................. 267
Sweet
Violets....................................................................................................................271
Thanks for the
Memory..............................................................................................30
That Lovely
Weekend................................................................................................303
The 'ole in the
Ark...........................................................................................................209
The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck_______....._________...........____97
The Fucking Thing Was
Ours!...................................................................................314
13 mmmdm mmiiemm
The Girls I
like...............................................................................................103
The Walrus and the
Carpenter..................................................................135
There Was A
Priest.......................................................................................234
There's A Home For Batchy
Airmen.............................................................34
There's no AMO about
Love..........................................................................20
They Called the Bastard
Stephen.............................................................309
They Say There's A ... Just
Leaving............................................................177
They're Pulling The Old Pub
Down...........................................................236
This Old Coat of
Mine..................................................................................217
Those Foolish Things
..................................................................................137
Three German Officers Crossed the
Rhine..............................................140
Three Harlots of
Baghdad..........................................................................269
Three Old
Ladies..........................................................................................287
Three Old Whores from
Winnipeg.............................................................308
Tiger
Lil..........................................................................................................188
Tree of Life,
The............................................................................................291
True
Love.......................................................................................................292
Twenty
Toes..................................................................................................133
Uncle Dick and Auntie
Mabel..................................................................,. 185
Valley of the Ruhr,
The..................................................................................15
Valleys of Assam,
The..................................................................................147
Venal
Vera......................................................................................................294
Virgin
Sturgeon..............................................................................................85
WAAF's Lament,
A........................................................................................233
Walking in a Meadow
Green.......................................................................193
We are the Air Sea
Rescue......................................................,......................28
We are the Heavy
Bombers..........................................................................52
We are the Royal Air
Force.............................................................................28
We're a shower of
bastards......................................................................,...
234
West Virginian
Hills......................................................................................312
When She Was Only
Seventeen.................................................................308
When this Bloody War is
Over................................'....................................151
Whiffenpoof Song,
The...............................................................................301
Whore from Baroda,
A...................................................................................97
Why?....................................................................................................................183
Will You Marry
Me?............................................................................................307
Winter
Nights.....................................................................................................277
With It
In...................................................................................................................222
Woodpecker Song,
The.....___.......................................................................311
Yorkshire Airfield,
A...............................................................................................
202
You go to Hamburg and I'll go to
Essen.......................................................28
Young Lady from Nantes,
A.........___........................................................... 128
Young Man of Zerubbubell,
A.....................................................................281
Youngest Child, The
........................................................................................
57
Your Baby has Gone Dahn the Plug'ole......................................................
227
13