Great Comic Book of Toasts (1909)

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The Great

Gomic Book

TOASTS!

Price, 10 Cents.
Printed for the Trade.

KEYSTONE SUPPLY HOUSE,

813 WISJTER ST., -=- PITTSTOIT, PA.

OurTeni GentlOHer^

Mysterious Card Package*

Contains the "Skeleton on the Walln the great on
tical illusion by which you can see a full-size skeletal
appear on the wall of your room and disappear while
you are looking. Very mysterious. Also the Mvstir
Age Tablet; Itemized Bill; CarcT Charm; UnlJcky
Days; Disease Charm, &c. Price 10 cents per set.

Sook of &ioif)dei*$ $nb DffgsteHea.

Contains; Palmistry; or, Fortune Telling by the
Lines of the Hand; by Grounds in Tea or Coffee Cup-
by White of an Egg: the Three Keys; Signs to choose'
Husband Or Wife; Magic Rose; Witches Chain; Ring
and Olive Branch; Christmas Spell* Lent Charm-
Charm against Fever; Mysteries of a Pack of Cards-
Allen's Pocket Companion, Etc., Etc. *
-----Price, Ten Cents, postpaid.-—

Manufacturing Secrets.

A guide to the manufacture of useful and saleable
articles, including patent medicines, perfumery, toilet
articles.and many others easily made at trifling cost
and selling rapidly at a large profit.

One copy by mail for 10 cents.

Tom Thumb Comical Fortune Teller.

The Key to your wonderful future. Comical ans-
wer t6 every question. The greatest mirth producer
ever invented for an evening sport. You will make
no mistake if you send for this. Complete outfit
mailed for 10 cents.

Secret Conversation Cards.

You can say anything you wish to another person
and there may be a hundred persons present and ex-
amine the cards, but none of them can tell what is
being said. They take the cake.

Price, io cents per pack, postpaid.

ADDRESS FIRM WHO SENT YOU THIS.

m I i !• i i if i i • i M I i i i • i i • i i i i

I Great Comic Dook ;

1 TOASTS

i iimiii ■ i I ii i i i i ■ ■ i i i i • i i ■ ■ i > •"

Printed for the Trade,
1909

The Chatterbox; May he give us a few brill-
iant flashes of silence.

Friendship:— May its bark never founder on
the rocks of deception.

May we have the unspeakable good fortune to
win a true heart and the merit to keep it.

When going up the hill of Prosperity

May you never meet any friend coming down.

Unselfish Friendship:—May we ever be able
to serve a friend and noble enough to conceal it.

Here's to American valor—
May no war require it, but may it ever be ready
for every foe.

Hail to the graduating girl—

She's sweeter, far than some ;
For while she speaks, she talks no slang

And chews no chewing gum.

Here's to the girl I love,

I wish that she were nigh;
If drinking beer would bring her here,

I'd drink the damn place dry.

Here's to the wings of love—

May they never molt a feather,
Until your little barque and my Itttle barque,

Sail down the stream of life together.

THE SPHERE OF WOMAN.

They talk about a woman's sphere as though it
had a limit;

There's not a place in earth or heaven,

There's not a task to mankind given,

There's not a blessing or a woe,

There's not a whispered yes or no,

There's not a life or birth

That has a feather's weight of worth-
Without a woman in it.

The Lily of France may fade,

The Thistle and Shamrock wither,

The Oak of England may decay,
But the Stars shine on forever.

Here's to the maiden of blushing fifteen.
Here's to the housewife that's thrifty.

Here's to the flaunting extravagant queen,
And here's to the widow of fifty.

Yesterday's yesterday while to-day's here,
To-day is to-day 'till to-morrow appears,
To-morrow's to-morrow until to-day's past,^
And kisses are kisses as long as they last.

The French loves his native wine;

The German loves his beer ;
The Englishman loves his 'alf and 'alf.

Because it brings good cheer.
The Irishman loves his "whiskey straight,"

Because it gives him dizziness.
The American has no choice at all,

So he drinks the whole d-------business.

THE CYNIC'S TOAST.
Here's to the glass we love to sip,

It dries many a pensive tear;
*Tis not so sweet as a woman's lip

But a d-------sight more sincere.

May we never murmur without cause, and
never have cause to murmur.

Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,
Sermons and soda-water the day after.

The good die young—

Here's hoping that you may live to a ripe old age.

Here's to our sweethearts and our wives,

May our sweethearts soon become our wives
And cur wives ever remain our sweethearts.

Here's to you as good as you are

And to me as bad as 1 am;
As good as you are and as bad as I am

I'm as good as you are, as bad as I am.

Here's to the girls of the American shore,

I love but one, I love no more,
Since she's not here to drink her part,

I'll drink her share with all my heart.

Here's to turkey when your hungry,

Champagne when your dry,
A pretty girl when you need her,

And heaven when you die.

HOME!

The place where you are treated best and
grumble most.

OUR COUNTRY.
To her we drink, for her we pray,

Our voices silent never;
For her we'll fight, come what come may,

The Stars and Stripes forever!

A SPREAD-EAGLE TOAST.
The Boundaries of Our Country: East, by
the Rising Sun; north, by the North Pole; west,
by All Creation; and south, by the Day of
Judgment.

You may run the whole gamut of color and
shade,
A pretty girl—however you dress her—
Is the prettiest thing that ever was made,
And the last one is always the prettiest,
Bless her!

Here's to the press, the pulpit and the petticoat,
the three ruling powers of the day. The first
spreads knowledge; the second spreads morals;
and the third spreads over a multitude of sins.

Here's to Woman,
Who in our hours of ease
Uncertain, coy and hard to please,
But seen to oft—familiar with thy face,
First we pity, then endure, and then embrace.

SIXTEEN YEARS AFTER.

Knock and the world knocks with you,

Boast and you boast alone;
The bad old earth it a foe to mirth,

And has a hammer as large as your own.
Buy and the gang will answer,

Sponge and they stand and sneer;
The revelers joined to a joyous sound

And shout from refusing beer.
Be rich and the men will seek you,

Poor, and they turn and go—

You're a mighty good fellow when you are mel-
low,

And your pockets are lined with dough.
Be flush and your friends are many,

Go broke and you lose them all;
You're a dandy old sport at $4.00 a quart,

But not if you chance to fall.
Praise and the cheers are many,

Beef and the world goes by;
Be smooth and slick and the gang will stick

As close as a hungry fly.
There is always a crowd to help you

A copious draught to drain,
When the gang is gone you must bear alone

The harrowing stroke of pain.

When e'er with friends I drink

Of one 1 always think—

She's pretty, she's witty and so true;

So wi_th joy and great delight

I'll drink to her toaight—

And when doing so think none the less of you 1

OUR NATIONAL BIRDS:

The American Eagle—The Thanksgiving Turkey.

May one give us peace in all our states—

And the other a piece for all our plates.

Here's to the friends we class as old.
And here's to those we class as new ;

May the new soon grow to us old,
And the old ne'er grow to us new.

The health of those we love the beat:—Our
Noble Selves.

Our Incomes:—May we have a head to earn
and heart to spend.

May those now love who never loved before;
May those who've loved, now love the more.

The world is filled with flowers,

The flowers are filled with dew,
The dew is filled with love

For you and you and you.

Here's to long life and a merry one,
A quich death and an easy one,
A pretty girl and a true one,
A cold bottle and another one.

Here's to the tears of affection,
May they crystalize as they fall—
And become pearls, so in after years
To be worn in memory of those whom we have
loved.

LEAVE MY HAPPY HOME FOR YOU.
Here's to the red and sparkling wine,

I'll be your sweetheart, if you'll be mine,
I'll be constant, I'll be true,

I'll leave my happy home for you.

KEEPS TWENTY LOVER'S GUESSING.
Here's lovers two to the maiden true,

And four to the maid caressing,
But the wayward girl with the lips that curl.

Keeps twenty lovers guessing.

LIFE IS BUT A GAME OF CARDS.
"Life is but a game of cards

Which one has to learn;
Each shuffles, cuts and deals a pack,

And each a trump doth turn.
Some turn a high card at the top,

While others turn a low;
Some hold a hand quite full of trumps,

While others none can show.
When, last of all, a spade is turned

By the hoary hand of time,
It always closes up the game

In every land and clime.
No matter what a man may win,

Or what a man may save—
The dreaded spade turns up at last

And digs the player's grave."

Here's to a girl who's bound to win
Her share at least of of blisses,

Who knows enough not to go in
When it is raining kisses.

LEAVE A KISS WITHIN THE CUP.

Drink to me with thme eyes,

And I will pledge with rmne;
Or leave a kiss within the cup.

And HI not look for wme
As thirst that from the soul doth nse,

Doth ask a drink divine;
But might I of Jove's nectar .up,

I would not change from thme.

THE AMERICAN GIRL.
Here's to the girls of the American shore,

I love but one, I love no more;
Since she's not here to drink her part,

1 drink her share with all my heart.

HERE'S TO FRIENDSHIP OLD.
"A toast, a toast!" my lady cries,

I cannot say her nay ,
She looks at me with pleading eyes,

I hasten to obey.
Long has she dwelt within my heart,

Her wishes have been mine;
Tis but the lightest friendship's part

My wishes to resign.
Then here's a toast to friendship*! old,

A pledge to friendships new,
And may the two a third enfold

Fair lady,—here's to you!

IN HER FIRST PASSION.
In her first passion woman lores her lover;
In all the others, all she loves is love.

AMERICA.
"Our hearts, our hopes are all with thee,
Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears •
Our faith triumphant o'er our fears,
Are all with thee, are all with thee."

To Our America: The best land in the
world; let him that don't like it, leave it.

To Woman : She needs no eulogy—she
speaks for herself.

Here's to our wives and to our sweethearts,
And may they never meet.

To the Memory of George Washington—the
the childless father of seventy millions.

May the devil cut the toes of all our foes,
That we may know them by their limping.

Enjoy the spring of Love and Youth,
To some good angel leave the rest,

For all to soon we learn the truth—
There are no birds in last year's nest.

I fill this cup to one made up

Of loveliness alone,
A woman, of her gentle sex—

The seeming paragon.
Her health I and would on earth there stood

Some more of such a frame,
That life might be all poetry

And weariness a name.

THE MAINE.
A mighty nation mourns thee yet; '

Thrgailantcrew-theirawfunate;
And justice points her finger straight
Lest we forget-lest we forget!

Here's to Love, the only fire against which there
is no insurance.

Here's to the American Eagle:—The liberty
bird that permits no liberty.

HOME—The father's kingdom; the child's
paradise; the mother's world.

To Our Absent Friends —Although out of
sight, we recognize them with our glasses.

And the night shall be filled with music,

And the cares that infest the day
Shall fold their tents like the Arabs,

And as silently steal away.

Here's to champagne, the drink divine
That makes us forget our troubles;

It's made of a dollar's worth of wine
And three dollars' worth of bubbles.

God made man—frail as a bubble;

God made love—love made trouble ;
God made the vine—was it a sin

That man made wine to drown trouble in >

WOMAN.
The fairest work of the Great Author ; the
edition is large, and no man should be without a
copy.

While we live, let's live in clover, !

For when we're dead, we're dead all over.

Drink to me only with thine eyes,

And I will pledge with mine ;
Or leave a kiss within the cup,

And I'll not look for wine.
The thirst that from the soul doth rise

Doth ask a drink divine;
But might I of Love's nectar sup,

I would not change from thine.

Drink to-day and drown all sorrow;

You shall perhaps not do't to-morrow;
Best while you have it, use your breath

There is no drinking after death.

Here's to those I love;

Here's to those who love me;

Here's to those who love those I love,

And here's to those who love those who love me.

Here's to the four hinges of Friendship—
Swearing, Lying, Stealing and Drinking.

WTien you »wear, swear by your country;
When you lie, lie for a pretty woman;

When you steal, steal away fromHbad company;
And when you drink, drink with me.

Here's to the lasses we've loved, my lad-
Here's to the lips we've pressed;
For of kisses and lasses,
Like liquor in glasses,
The last is always the best. (

Here's to woman, whose heart and whose soul
Are the light and the life of each spell we
pursue;
Whether sunn'd at the tropics or chilled at the
pole,
If women be there, there is happiness too.

Laugh at all things,

Great and small things,

Sick or well, at sea or shore;
While we're quaffing,
Let's have laughing,

Who the devil cares for more?

Thus circling the cup, hand in hand, e'er we

drink,
Let sympathy pledge us, through pleasure, through

pain,
That, fast as feeling but touches one link—
Her magic shall send it direct through the chain.

Sparkling and bright in the liquid light,

Does the wine our goblets gleam in;
With hue as red as the rosy bed

Which a bee would choose to dream in.
Then fill to-night, with hearts as light,

To love as gay and fleeting
As bubbles that swim on the breakers brim,

And break on the lips while meeting.

THE AMERICAN NAVY.
With the bulldogs of war
Standing guard on our coasts,
All fears of attack quickly vanish;
Manned with hearts that are true
To the Red, White and Blue,
They'll make all our foemen "walk Spanish."

May we have more and more friends and need
them less and less.

May Dame Fortune ever smile on you;
But never her daughter—
Miss Fortune. *

Here's a toast to all who are here,

No matter where you're from ;
May the best day you have seen

Be worse than your worst to come.

Here's to a bird, a bottle and an open-work

stocking,
There's nothing in this that's so very shocking;
The bird came from Jersey, the bottle from

France,
The open-work stocking was seen at a dance.

We come into this world all naked and bare;
We go through this world full of sorrow and
care;
We go out of this world, we know not where,
But if we're good fellows here, we'll be
thoroughbreds there.

•Eeere's to the 'ealte o' your Royal 'Ighness;
hand may the skin o' ha gooseberry be big enough
for han humbrella to cover up hall your enemies.

Here's to you, my dear,

And to the dear that's not here, my dear;

But if the dear that's not here, my dear,

Were here, my dear,

I'd not be drinking to you, my dear.

Here's to the merry old world,

And the days—be bright or blue-
Here's to the Fates, let them bring what they may,
But the best of them all—that's YOU1

A fig for Burgundy, Claret or Mountain,
A few scanty glasses must limit your wish;

But he's the true toper that goes to the fountain,
The drinker that verily "drinks like a fish!"

Here's to the prettiest.
Here's to the wittiest,

Here's to the truest of all who are true;
Here's to the neatest one,
Here's to the sweetest one,

Here's to them all in one— here's to YOU!

Here's health to the girl who will drink when she

can;
Here's health to the girl who will "rush the tin

can"—
And health to the girl who can dance the can—

can—
*TU the canny toast of an uncanny man.

(

THE
WIZARD

SKELETON.

This is an animated figure,

fourteen Inches high. It represent*
a skeleton, miniature but life-
like in appearance. You may pas*
it around for examination, then
etand it upon the floor and it wiil
begin to dance without any visib'.a
motive power. Jngt think of
it I People will imagine that ghosts
or demons are near. This trick can
be done in any room very easily.
The skeleton will dance to music
jump, he down, etc., just as yoa
command. We will send the appa*
rattusand secret of Wizard Skele-
ton for 10 cents. We will also in-

cludb ^he Celebrated Smoke Trick and two ran

and valuable Formulas.

MAGIC TRICK CARDS.

Here -is Something: Wonderful. With thes*
cards you can do some very startling tricks, and every-
"body will say you are a great magician. The spots on
the cards will change colors befors
the eyes of spectators, number of
jgpots will change, etc., etc ,
Jetc. Get a pack of these cards
and you can open the eyes of
all spectators! We have seen
these cards sold as high as fifty
cents a set, but we now offer to
send One set Trick Card»
for 10 cents; 4 sets, 265
cents; 12 sets, 50 cents*.
»5 sets for $1.00. Jell 4*9
fefitcj&w. Irish* CQiiin <i<jM.

Address Firm who sent You This Book.

THE LOVER'S DELIGHT!

Curious Secret Conversation Cards.

With these Cards you can keep up a conversation with your lady «%f*!f
love in the presence of others, and they will riot know what is going ^
on. They are the cutest thing1 out. With a pack of these in your **J*
pocket, you are bound to have a good time wherever you go.
These Conversation Cards are an entirely new invention. With
them yon nevsr need be at a loss to know how to amuse your true love. Are you bashful? These will
cure you. , Are you at loss to know how to pop the question? These will help you out; you can give your
dear one the sweetest names, or tell her anything you wish and there may be a hundred present and ex-
amine the cards, but no one can tell what is bein g said.

If you want to be considered a lvflip" young man, and tease yotir latest mash Just a little on the sly, send'
for these at once, they take the cake. Piice, 10 cents per pack; one do<c. packs 75 cents; 50 packs $2.00.

Address 1 FIRM THAT SENT YOU THIS CIRCULAR.

IMPORTANT!

Are you aware that there are in circulation,
hundreds of dates and varieties of coins which
could be sold to coin brokers at rates in excess
of their par value. These brokers purchase the
coins to sell to coin collectors (numismatists)
most of whom are wealthy, and when anxioua
for certain dates or kinds to complete their sets,
they sometimes pay enormous prices even offering
as high as $3,000 for a certain U. S. coin of
1848. It often happens that coins which seem
to be very common are wanted by the brokers,
and if the oned who handle such, only had a re-
liable list, they could ascertain their real value.
Only a short time since the dflily newspapers
contained a statement about how a shoemaker
took a coin in change, as ordinary money, and
happening to be in the habit of comparing his
coins with a Coin Manuel, he found that his coin
was valuable, and sold it the next day for
$1,100. Even recent dates are sometimes val-
uable, for instance, quarters and half dollars of
1853 are worth from $5 to $10, a cent of 183(5
brings $3, but we cannot undertake to give fur-
ther examples as there are hundreds of them.
Many people have become rich by keeping their
eyes open for old coins, why not you? The best
places to find them are in the country districts.
Numerous Canadian and other foreign coins are
worth big sums. We might also add that sim-
ilarly high prices are paid for old stamps taken
from envelopes that have been through the mails.
Even the most common kind are saleable in
quantities, and if you get the best book of
prices of stamps, you will find that there is no
humbug in the oft-repeated story of the "value
of a million stamps" or even of a single stamp,
oftentimes. In order to get fully posted get the
most reliable coin and stamp book. It contains
information more reliable than any that you can
find elsewhere. The book is revised right up to
this month and contains the names and addresses
of reliable coin and stamp brokers with whom
you can deal Although the book may be worth
many dollars, perhaps a fortune to you, we will
send' it postpaid, on receipt of only ten cents,
silver or stamps. Address

FIRM WHO SENT YOUTHISBOOK

KEYSTONE SUPPLY HOUSE,

81 a WISNER Wt.P -- PITTSTOW, PA,