ABOOK OF TOASTS
Jam-
SMPPr^D^ini
TOASTS
FOR ALLOCCASIONS
Til
COMPILED BY
E.CbEWIS
H. M. CALDWELL COMPANY
PUBLISHER*
NEW YORK BOSTON
Copyright, 1909,
by
The Mutual Book Company
Printed by COLONIAL PRESS:
C. H. Simonds & Co., Boston, U.S.A.
INTRODUCTION
♦ff DREAMT that I dwelt on an isle of cracked ice,
■■ In the midst of a sea of Champagne,
Where bloomed the mint Julep in meadows of green
'Mid showers of Lithia rain.
I reclined on a divan of lager beer foam,
With a pillow of froth for my head,
While o'er me a fountain of sparkling gin fizz
Descended like dew on my head.
From far away mountains of crystaline ice,
A zephyr refreshing and cool,
Came wafting the incense of sweet muscatelle,
That sparkled from many a pool.
My senses were smoothed by the soft purling song,
Of a brooklet of pousse cafe,
That rippled along over pebbles of snow
To a river of absinthe frappe.
Then lulled by the music of tinkling glass,
From schooners quite three feet deep,
I dreamily sipped a high ball or two,
And languidly floated to sleep.
Then I awoke, on a bed full of rocks,
With a bolster as hard as a brick,
With a wrench in my neck and a rack in my head,
And a stomach detestably sick;
INTRODUCTION
With sand in my eyes and grit in my throat,
Where the taste of last evening still hung,
I then felt a bath towel stuffed in my mouth,
Which I afterwards found was my tongue.
Then I groped for the thread of the evening before,
In the mystified maze of my brain,
When suddenly a light burst upon me at last,
I'm Off The Wagon Again.
;ĄEMfB©ID)Y PIP
AN EYE OPENER
iUERE'S to the stork,
"•' A most valuable bird,
That inhabits the residence districts,
He doesn't sing tunes,
Nor yield any plumes,
But he helps out the vital statistics.
TO OUR HOST
ilVERE'S a toast to our host, and while drinking it,
"•* Let's wish him long life,
And the same to his wife,
Now empty your glass after clinking it.
EVERYBODY UP
CONVIVIAL TOASTS
ALL TOGETHER
|3 BUMPER to womankind, clumsy or thin,
*"* Young or ancient—it weighs not a feather;
So fill a pint bumper — nay, fill to the brim,
And let's toast 'em, e'en altogether.
MORE SINCERE
♦IKERE'S to good old whiskey,
H^ So amber and so clear;
It's not so sweet as a woman's lips,
But a d------ sight more sincere.
FILL HER UP
■ICILL up the bowl, upon my soul,
w Your trouble you'll forget, sir.
If it takes more, fill twenty more,
'Till you have drowned regret, sir.
AWAY WITH GLOOM
'TTHEN fill the bowl — away with gloom,
^ Our joys shall always last;
For hope will brighten days to come,
And memory gild the past.
EVBRYBODY UP
THE BUBBLE WINKED
7THE bubble winked at me and said,
^ "You'll miss me, brother, when you're dead.
COLD BOTTLE AND ANOTHER ONE
*|IVERE'S to a long life and a happy one,
'"•'A quick death and a happy one,
A good girl and a pretty one,
A cold bottle and another one.
f
FILL UP THE GOBLET
ILL up the goblet and drink me some,
Drinking makes wise, but dry fasting makes glum
COME, FILL THE BOWL
/TOME, fill the bowl, each jolly soul,
^ Let Bacchus guide our revels;
Join cup to lip, with hip, hip, hip,
And bury the poor devils.
DRINK
T^RINK, for you know not
*~ Whence you came, nor why;
Drink, for you know not why
You go, nor whence.
EVERYBODY UP
POKER
^f IKE a glass of beer, you
'*' draw to fill.
HEALTH TO ALL
gl HEALTH to the maid with a bosom of snow,
** And to her with face brown as a berry;
A health to the wife that looks eat up with woe,
And a health to the damsel that's merry 1
TOMORROW
cJf ET us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,
^ Sermons and soda-water the day after.
I'LL NOT LOOK FOR VINE
RINK to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss within the cup,
And I'll not look for wine.
The thirst that from the soul doth rise
Doth ask a drink divine;
But might I of love's nectar sip,
I would not change from thine.
2>
EVERYBODY UP
DRINK WITH SINCERITY
TfctERE'S long life and prosperity,
■*■ *" To you and all your posterity,
And those that don't drink with sincerity
May they be damned to eternity.
MERRY OLD WORLD
SMERE'S to the merry old world,
■" *" And the days—be they bright or blue—
Here's to the Fates, let them bring what they may,
But the best of them all-—That's you!
BRISK WINE AND LOVELY WOMEN
♦fjfiRISK wine and lovely women are
•^ The source of all our joys;
A bumper softens every care,
And beauty never cloys.
Then let us drink and let us love
While yet our hearts are gay;
Women and wine we all approve
As blessing night and day.
HEALTH
WIHILE there's life on the lip,
^** While there's warmth in the wine,
One deep health I'll pledge,
And that health shall be thine,
EVERYBODY UP
LOVE MADE TROUBLE
OD made man
Frail as a bubble;
God made love,
Love made trouble.
God made the vine,
Was it a sin
That Man made wine
To drown trouble in?
BE MERRY
/TOME, fill a bumper, fill it round,
^ May mirth, wine and wit abound.
In them alone true wisdom lies—
For to be merry's to be wise.
TO WINE
ERE'S to champagne, the drink divine
That makes us forget our troubles,
It's made of a dollar's worth of wine
And three dollars' worth of bubbles.
GOOD HUMOR
AY the juice of the grape enliven each soul,
And good humor preside at the head of each bowl.
6
t>
flP>
EVERYBODY UP
WHO
7ITTIH0 loves not women, wine and song,
^*** Will be a fool his whole life long.
ff
CURE FOR WRINKLES
ILL the bumper fair! every drop we sprinkle
O'er the brow of Care smooths away a wrinkle.
HEAVEN WHEN YOU DIE
*WaERE'S a turkey when you are hungry,
■ ^ Champagne when you are dry,
A pretty girl when you need her,
And heaven when you die.
CANNY TOAST
*|InERE'S health to the girl who will drink when she can;
* J Here's health to the girl who will "rush the tin can,"
And health to the girl who can dance the can-can—
Tis the canny toast of an uncanny man.
MORE SINCERE
♦fKERE'S to the glass we love so to sip,
*J It dries many a pensive tear;
'Tis not so sweet as a woman's lip
But a ------ sight more sincere.
EVERYBODY UP
PERHAPS
*|fF you leave a kiss within the glass
I'll not ask for wine.
IF UNDERSTOOD
TOJ1INE is good,
^^^ Love is good,
And all is good if understood;
The sin is not in doing,
But in overdoing.
How much of mine has gone that way?
Alas! How much more that may?
TO TROUBLE
♦JKERE'S to you, my dear,
■■^And to the dear that's not here, my dear;
But if the dear that's not here, my dear,
Were here, my dear,
I'd not be drinking to you, my dear.
TO LYING LIPS
♦fKERE'S to the lying lips we meet,
UJ por truthful lips are bores;
But lying lips are very sweet,
When lying close to yours.
EVERYBODY UF>
TO THE LADIES
HAPPINESS
*IIVERE'S to the woman whose heart and whose soul
"^ Are the light and the life of each spell we pursue;
Whether sunn'd at the Tropics or chilled at the Pole,
If women be there, there is happiness too.
TO WOMAN
*IIyERE'S to woman, present and past,
"•* And those who come hereafter;
But if one comes here after us,
We'll have no cause for laughter.
15
BLESS HER
OU may run the whole gamut of color and shade,
A pretty girl — however you dress her —
Is the prettiest thing that ever was made,
And the last one is always the prettiest,
Bless her!
TO THE GIRL
iUERE'S to the girl who loves me
"^ And here's to the many who don't;
Here's to the girl who accepts me,
And here's to the many who won't.
EVERYBODY UP
TO THEM ALL
SWERE'S to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
•'■*' Here's to the widow of fifty;
Here's to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here's to the housewife that's thrifty!
THE WITTIEST
WHERE'S to the wittiest,
■*' *" Here's to the truest of all who are true.
Here's to the sweetest one,
Here's to them all in one — here's to you.
WHAT SHE LOVES
*jfN her first passion, woman loves a lover;
. ■ In all others, all she loves is love.
TO A COQUETTE
T\ WAY, away, your flattering arts
*" May now betray some simple hearts;
And you will smile at their believing,
And they shall weep at your deceiving.
Z
ADMIRATION
0 those who know thee not
No words can paint!
And those who know thee
Know all words are faint.
EVERYBODY UP
KEEPS YOU GUESSING
ilsERE'S lovers two to the maiden true,
"J And four to the maid caressing;
But the wayward girl, with the lips that curl,
Keeps twenty lovers guessing.
PERFECT WOMAN
jS PERFECT woman, nobly planned,
"** To warn, to comfort and command.
TO HER
TJ^RINK to her that each loves best,
~ And if you nurse a flame
That's told but to her natural breast,
We will not ask her name.
WOMAN RULES
T^ISGUISE our bondage as we will,
~ 'Tis a woman rules us still.
WINE AND WOMAN
fILL the bowl with flowing wine,
And while your lips are wet,
Press their fragrance into mine
And forget.
Every kiss we take and give,
Leaves us less of life to live.
BVEUYBODY VJF>
THE LADIES
7ITTIE admire them for their beauty, respect them for
^^* their intelligence, adore them for their virtue,
and love them because we can't help it.
HERE'S TO YOU
*flKERE'S to the girl that's good and sweet,
"^ Here's to the girl that's true,
Here's to the girl that rules my heart —
In other words, Here's to you.
THE LADIES
|3 LWAYS favorable to a press
*■ properly conducted.
HER WARM RED MOUTH
*ff WILL drink to the woman who wrought my woe
' In the diamond morning of long ago.
To the splendor caught from the orient skies
That thrilled in the dark of her hazel eyes;
Her large eyes filled with the fire of the south,
And the dewy wine of her warm red mouth.
WOMAN
TfET us not forget that wherever man is most en-
^ lightened, she is most respected and beloved.
EVERYBODY UP
HIS WE—PROBABLY
•JJJJVHE^E'ER -wit\x Iriends I drink
^■* Of one I always think:
She's pretty, she's witty, and so true;
So with joy and great delight,
I'll drink to her tonight,
And when doing so think none the less of you!
WOMAN
Jl MISTRESS of Arts, who robs a bachelor of his
degree, and forces him to study philosophy by
means of curtain lectures.
WHEN RAINING KISSES
^ff\ERE'S to the girl who's bound to win
"^ Her share at least of blisses;
Who knows enough not to go in,
When it is raining kisses.
flfo
THE LADIES
AY the blossoms of love never be blighted,
And a true-hearted young woman never be slighted.
LET'S HOPE SO
7THE Ladies — God bless 'em,
^ And may nothing distress 'em.
EVERYBODY UP
WOMAN
^fET us not forget that wherever man is most en-
"** lightened, she is most respected and beloved.
FRIENDS AND WIVES
|JS HEALTH to our sweethearts,
* Our friends, and our wives,
And may fortune smile on them
The rest of their lives.
AMERICA'S DAUGHTERS
'7T0 America's daughters — let all fill their glasses,—
^ Whose beauty and virtue the whole world surpasses;
May blessings attend them, go wherever they will,
And foul fall the man e'er offers them ill.
THE LADIES
■iCOR let her be clumsy, or let her be slim,
w Young or ancient, I care not a feather;
So fill up a bumper, nay, fill to the brim,
Let us toast all the ladies together.
THE LADIES
TTffjITH assiduity we court their smiles; with sorrow
^**** we receive their frowns; but smiling or frowning,
we love them.
EVERYBODY UP
TO HER BEAUTY
*IIF all your beauties, one by one,
■' I pledge, dear, I am thinking,
Before the tale were well 'begun
I had been dead of drinking.
GIRL I LOVE
iKERE'S to the girl I love,
"** And here's to the girl who loves me,
And here's to all those who love her whom I love,
And all those who love her who loves me.
THE COQUETTE
*!KEALTH to the bold and dashing coquette,
', Who careth not for me;
Whose heart, untouched by love as yet,
Is wild and fancy free.
THE LADIES
*7THE honor of a lady is her name, and no legacy is
^ so rich as honesty.
TO YOU
'TTHE world is filled with flowers,
^ The flowers are filled with dew,
The dew is filled with love
And you, and you, and you.
EVERYBODY UF>
THE GIRL I LOVE
iNERE'S to the girl I love,
J I wish that she were nigh;
If drinking beer would bring her here,
I'd drink the damn place dry.
A creature not too bright or good
For human nature's daily food.
FAIR WOMAN
TftRINK to fair woman, who I think,
*~ Is most entitled to it,
For if anything ever can drive me to drink,
She certainly could do it.
HER GENTLE SEX
*ff FILL this cup to one made up
" Of loveliness alone,
A woman, of her gentle sex
The seeming paragon.
Her health! and would on earth there stood
Some more "of such a frame,
That life might be all poetry,
And weariness a name.
WOMAN
^lENTLE, patient, self-denying; without her man
y*/ would be a savage, and the earth a desert.
EVERYBODY UP
Z
WOMAN
(T\H Woman! Lovely Woman!
^■^ You're just like a gun;
You're loaded up with powder
And wadded most a ton;
You set your cap with care,
And with a "bang" you slyly shoot
Your eyeballs at his stare.
THE LADIES
HE fairest work of the great Author; the edition
large, and no man should be without a copy.
A PRETTY LASS
|S CHEERFUL glass, a pretty lass,
■***■ A friend sincere and true;
Blooming health, good store of wealth
Attend on me and you.
TO THE GIRLS
iKERE'S to the girls of the American shore,
■ I love but one, I love no more;
Since she's not here to drink her part,
I drink her share with all my heart.
EVERYBODY UP
FOUR OF A KIND
ip^ERE'S to a pat Hand of Queens: Mother, Wife,
J Sister and Sweetheart; the noblest of all God's
creations—pure, beautiful woman.
HERE'S TO THEM ALL
♦JKERE'S to the prettiest,
J Here's to the wittiest,
Here's to the truest of all who are true.
Here's to the sweetest one.
Here's to them all in one—here's to you.
TO WOMAN
*7THEY talk about a woman's sphere as though it had
^ a limit;
There's not a place in earth or heaven-,
There's not a task to mankind given,
There's not a blessing or a woe,
There's not a whispered yes or no,
There's not a life or birth,
That has a feather's weight of worth —
Without a woman in it.
LOVES ONLY ONE
*IKERE'S to one and only one,
"J And that is she,
Who loves but one and only one
And that is me.
EVERYBODY UP
TO WOMAN'S HAIR
TTTfJOMAN'S hair; beautiful hair,
^*H What words of praise I'd utter —
But, oh, how sick it makes me feel,
To find it in the butter.
QUESTION
WTJHAT'S a table richly spread
^*** Without a woman at its head?
YANKEE GIRL
7THE girl that is witty,
^ The girl that is pretty,
The girl with an eye as black as a sloe;
Here's to girls of each station
O'er the Yankee nation,
And, in particular, one that I know.
TO YOU, DEAR
'7THE good die young—
^ Here's hoping you live to a ripe old age.
THE LAST IS THE BEST
*ff\ERE'S to the lasses we've loved, my lad,
Here's to the lips we've pressed;
For of kisses and lasses,
Like liquor in glasses,
The last is always the best.
EVERYBODY UP
HARD TO PLEASE
♦ff^ERE'S to the woman,
"^ Who in our hours of ease
Uncertain, coy and hard to please,
But seen too oft — familiar thy face
First we pity, then endure, and then embrace.
WOMEN
Tl S for the women, though
~* We scorn and flout 'em,
We may live with, but not
Without them.
HAPPINESS
*IKERE'S to woman, whose heart and whose soul
"^ Are the light and the life of each spell we pursue;
Whether sunn'd at the tropics or chilled at the pole,
If woman be there, there is happiness, too.
THE LADIES
7THE ladies — bless 'em — it beats all,
^ When they were young and squallers,
Their hearts are set upon the doll —
When grown, upon the dollars.
m
BEST WEALTH
GOOD wife and health
Are a man's best wealth.
EVERYBODY UP
GRACE
'7THE grace that every man desires — the good graces
^ of woman.
THE UNTAMED BIRD
*ff*EALTH to the bold and dashing coquette
■■•' Who careth not for me;
Whose heart, untouched by love as yet,
Is wild and fancy free.
Toasts of love to the timid dove
Are always going 'round;
Let mine be heard by the untamed bird
And make your glasses sound.
lb
WOMEN
ERE'S to woman; she needs no eulogy, she speaks
for herself.
THE GRADUATING GIRL
*ffyAIL to the graduating girl;
She's sweeter, far, than some;
For while she speaks she talks no slang
And chews no chewing gum.
OUR SWEETHEARTS
*|1AERE'S to our wives and our sweethearts.
"* May our wives always remain our sweethearts
And our sweethearts some day become our wives.
EVERYBODY UP
STRICTLY IN IT
*ff\ERE'S to the girl that's strictly in it,
** Who doesn't lose her head, even for a minute;
Plays well the game, and knows the limit,
.And still gets all the fun there's in it.
WINE
'TTIS not so sweet as a woman's lip,
^ But, O! 'tis more sincere.
Like her delusive beam,
'Twill steal away the mind,
But, unlike affections dream,
It leaves no sting behind.
GOOD FORTUNE
,AY we have the unspeakable good fortune to win
a true heart, and the merit to keep it.
THE ALL AROUND GIRL
CJiHE'LL learn to smoke a cigarette,
*^ And drink a glass of wine;
She'll get a breakfast, lunch or tea,
An appetite to dine;
She'll flirt in dress decollette,
She'll think a kiss no sin;
And that's the kind of a summer girl —
Alas! that seems to win.
flfe
EVERYBODY UP
TOASTS TO AMERICA
OUR COUNTRY
*f|AERE'S health to Columbia, the pride of the earth,
11*/ Tkg stars and Stripes — drink the land of our birth!
Toast the army and navy, who fought for our cause,
Who conquered and won us our freedom and laws.
OUR FLAG
7T0 her we drink, for her we pray,
^* Our voices silent never;
For her we'll fight, come what may,
The Stars and Stripes forever!
lb
AMERICA AND HER CHILDREN
ER sons are brave and honest,
Her daughters fair and modest.
AMERICA
(^\UR hearts, our hopes are all with thee,
^ Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears,
Our faith triumphant o'er our fears,
Are all with thee, are all with thee."
ALWAYS
/jl\AY the joys of America be as pure as its air of free-
*■■•' dom, and its virtues be as firm as its mountains.
EVERYBODY UP
HOME FOR ALL
/H\AY America ever be an asylum for the oppressed
^ and a school to teach them the great principles
of republicanism.
OUR NATIONAL BIRDS
^THE American Eagle,
^ The Thanksgiving Turkey.
flfc
ALL IN ONE
AY it be no North, no South, no East, no West,
but only one broad, beautiful, glorious land.
OUR COUNTRY
/IIVAY she always be in the right—
^"J —but our country, right or wrong.
HERE'S TO AMERICAN VALOR
/n\AY no war require it, but may it ever be ready
*"*^ for every foe.
OUR GIRLS
ipyERE'S to the girls of the American shore,
* ^ I love but one, I love no more.
Since she's not here to drink her part,
I'll drink her share with all my heart.
EVERYBODY UP
THE AMERICAN EAGLE
'7THE older he grows, the louder he screams and the
^ higher he flies.
THE SOLDIERS OF AMERICA
'7THEIR arms our defence, our arms their reward.
^ Fall in, men, fall in!
A HINT
/HVAY those who are discontented with their own
*'■*' country leave their country for their country's
good.
OUR FLAG
|0 North, no South, no East, no West, no one can
say who loves it best;
Each loyal heart it thrills to see this emblem of the Free.
Those stripes of red, that field of blue, those stars that
sparkle like the dew,
Our joy and pride shall ever be, this flag of liberty.
OUR SAFETY
mtJITH the bulldogs of war
^*** Standing guard on our coasts
All fears of attack quickly vanish;
Manned with hearts that are true
To the Red, White and Blue,
They'll make all our foemen "walk Spanish."
EVERYBODY Ut>
HERE'S TO THE AMERICAN EAGLE
'JTHE liberty bird that
^ permits no liberties.
THE TRADE OF AMERICA
'TTHE workshop of the World: Let its prosperity be-
^ come as unbounded as its resources and industry
are unlimited.
OUR FATHER
To the memory of
GEORGE WASHINGTON,
The childless father of seventy millions.
SUCCESS
CJUCCESS to our army, success to our fleet,
**" May our foes be compelled to bow down at our feet.
TO THE AMERICAN EAGLE
*ttT is never healthful to try to deposit salt on its
™ venerable tail.
OUR NATIVE LAND
/|I\AY it ever be worthy of our heartiest love, and
*™ continue to draw it forth without stint.
EVERYBODY UP
OUR FLAG
'7THE* beautiful banner that represents the precious
^ "mettle" of America.
BE CAREFUL
/IIVAY those who'd be rude to American roses
in J peej a thorn's fatal prick in their lips and their
noses.
OUR DEFENDERS
/II\AY Columbia's brave defenders
*HJ Ever stand for the good of her cause;
While such we can toast them, no rogues or pretenders,
Can injure our dear Constitution or laws.
THE AMERICAN NAVY
/IlKAY it ever sail on a sea
of glory.
glMERICA and her Children — Her sons are brave
*■* and honest, her daughters fair and modest.
AY our statesmen be as much distinguished for
their deeds as their words.
EVERYBODY UP
AMERICA AND THE WORLD
/IISAY our nation ever enjoy the blessings of the
*"^ widest liberty, and be ever ready to promote the
liberties of mankind.
THE BOUNDARIES OF OUR COUNTRY
TgAST by the Rising Sun; north by the North Pole;
^ west by all Creation; and south, by the Day of
Judgment.
SUNNY U. S.
TTHE Lily of France may fade,
^ The Thistle and Shamrock wither,
The Oak of England may decay,
But the Stars shine on forever.
OUR COUNTRY
TirriHERE'S the coward that would not dare to fight
***•* for such a land ?
OUR FREEDOM
ilvERE'S to Columbia, free laws, and a free church,
nj From their blessings may plotters be left in the
lurch;
Give us pure candidates and a pure ballot-box,
And our freedom shall stand as firm as the rocks.
EVERYBODY UP
'7THE true Principles of American Liberty — May they
^ take deep root, and nourish to the end of time.
/JIVAY each officer's pride of wealth be the common-
1,,J wealth.
/II\AY dishonest office-holders fall by a quick rotation
*"*^ of justice.
*[IyERE'S to Columbia, free laws, and a free church,
"^ From their blessings may plotters be left in the
lurch.
Give us pure candidates and a pure ballot-box,
And our freedom shall stand as firm as the rocks.
-+- -+- +-
/7THE Constitution of the United States, as settled
^ as the Revolution — May it nourish to the latest
posterity.
'TTHE government and our honest legislation.
EVERYBODY UF>
/nVAY the joys of America be as pure as its air of
*' " freedom, and its virtues be as firm as its moun-
tains.
^AY America ever be an asylum for the oppressed,
and a school to teach them the great principles
of republicanism.
ah
,AY those who'd be rude to American roses
Feel a thorn's fatal prick in their lips and their
noses.
IISEACE and Purity at the Polls — The only conduct
U*^ becoming freemen.
7THE Constitutions of the different States — The
^ bright stars which revolve around the great sun
(the Nation) — May they ever respect the great centre
planet that warms, lights and protects them.
7THE true and consistent advocates of reform in
^ morals and political economy.
EVERYBODY UR
7THE President — His rights and no more.
/^\UR Country — May those who ill use her be speed-
^ ily kicked off.
'7THE American Constitution and the People — May
^* the union, which age has cemented, be forever
inseparable.
/IISAY Americans share the sweets of liberty, and
HI J ever contend for the freedom and happiness of
the human race.
Z^NUR Statesmen — May they ever be endowed with
^ the noblest quality of man — honesty.
7THE American Constitution, and confusion to those
^ who would overthrow it.
EVERYBODY UP
3P
EEDOM from mobs as well as kings.
^HE Freedom of the Press — Truth published with
^ honest motives and for justifiable ends.
/|I\AY the honor of our statesmen, soldiers and sea-
^"^ men be without a stain.
/IIVAY Columbia's brave defenders
*■'•' Ever stand for the good of her cause;
While such we can toast them, no rogues or pretenders,
Can injure our dear Constitution or laws.
3P
EE discussion, and freedom from passion.
/II\AY the Americans form a government of unan-
*M** imity, and from that basis present an example to
the world.
EVERYBODY UP
/n\AY our chief magistrates and their cabinets form
^"■•^ a government of unanimity, and from that basis
defy a world of enemies.
CJTUMP Orators — May their footing give way when
*** they utter falsehoods.
7THE Veto — May it never prove a sore toe to the
^ people.
/7THE American Eagle — May it never rise in anger,
^ nor go to roost in -fear.
ANDREW JACKSON'S Motto —"Ask nothing that
is not clearly right, and submit to nothing that is
wrong."
ja MERICA'S Daughters — May the blue of their eyes,
the red of their cheeks, and the white of their
bosoms be the standard of our love and patriotism.
EVERYBODY UF>
ERE'S to America, the ruler and queen of the
waves — May she always extend to the weak and
oppressed those blessings with which her own sons
have been blessed.
■+••+• +
fl^AY our Senators be distinguished for their integrity.
-+•■+• -+-
AY the influence of the executive always be des-
troyed by its own corruption, and the liberties
of the people revive after every depression.
■+•■+-•+■
AY the members of Congress, while they are in
Washington, never forget that they are the rep-
resentatives of the people.
■+- -+• -+-
AY both houses of Congress always be attentive
to the real interests of the nation.
AY the people of America always oppose a corrupt
Congress, and give vigor to a good one.
lb
fib
fib
fib
fib
EVERYBODY UP
cff IBERTY — May it ever be enjoyed by Americans.
/IIVAY the eagles of monarchy never be suffered to
*"•* build a nest in our land.
/n\AY every American, at his country's call, be ready
nj to meet the foe.
/WVAY the States' love for each other know no bounds,
nor their fear of each other need any.
^HE wisdom of our laws, and the justness of their
execution.
EVBRYBODY UP
TO OUR FRIENDS
TO MY OLD FRIEND
*[KERE'S to you, old friend, may you live a thousand
"•* years,
Just to sort of cheer things in this vale of human tears;
And may I live a thousand, too — a thousand — less
a day,
'Calise I wouldn't care to be on earth and hear you'd
passed away.
A QUESTION
•jCILL all the glasses there, for why
w Should every creature drink but I?
Why, man of morals, tell me why?
HERE'S CHAMPAGNE TO MY REAL FRIENDS
*ffyERE'S chamgpagne to my real friends,
"•* And real pain to my sham friends.
MY TOAST
/|I\AY friendship, like wine, improve as time advances,
*"*^ and may we always have old wine, old friends,
and young cares.
EVERYBODY UP
TO OUR FAT FRIENDS
/IIVAY their shadows never grow less.
CONGENIAL FRIENDS
Jl DINNER, coffee and cigars,
*** Of friends, a half a score,
Each favorite vintage in its turn,—
What man could wish for more?
MORE FRIENDS
/n\AY we have more and more friends, and need them
^"J less and less.
TO A DEPARTING FRIEND
flJIGAIN, thou best beloved, adieu!
"*"* Ah! if thou couldst o'ercome regret;
Nor let thy mind past joys review —
Our only hope is to forget.
OUR FRIENDS
iUERE'S to Our Friends,
"J Whether absent on land or sea.
FALSE FRIENDS
/H\AY we never have friends who, like shadows, keep
*nj close to us in the sunshine, only to desert us on a
cloudy day or in the night!
EVERYBODY UJP
HERE'S TO THE TEARS OF FRIENDSHIP
/H\AY they crystallize as they fall and be worn as
gems in the memory of those we love.
THE MAN WE LOVE
*IKE who speaks the most good and speaks the least
Um* ill of his neighbors.
FRIENDSHIP
/n\AY its barque never founder on the rocks of decep-
xnj tion.
flft
TRUE FRIENDSHIP
AY we ever be able to serve a friend and noble
enough to conceal it.
LAUGH AT YOUR FRIENDS
^jfAUGH at your friends, and if your friends are sore,
*** So much the better, you may laugh the more.
FRIENDS
♦fKERE'S to the friends we class as old,
'■•' And here's to those who are new,
May the new grow to us old,
And the old ne'er grow to us new.
EVERYBODY \J&
IRISH TOASTS
IRISHMAN'S TOAST
*1I\ERE'S to the land of the shamrock so green,
**J Here's to each lad and his darling colleen,
Here's to the ones we love dearest and most,
And may God save old Ireland; that is an Irishman's
toast.
TO ST. PATRICK
CJAINT PATRICK was a gentleman,
r^ Who, through strategy and stealth,
Drove all the snakes from Ireland —
Here's a bumper to his health.
But not too many bumpers,
Lest wre lose ourselves, and then
Forget the good Saint Patrick,
And see the snakes again.
OLD IRISH TOAST
/TOME in the evening, or come in the morning,
^ Come when you're looked for or come without
warning;
A thousand welcomes you'll find here before you,
And the oftener you come here the more we'll adore you.
EVERYBODY UP
A GLASS IS GOOD
J3 GLASS is good, a lass is good,
*"* And a pipe to smoke in cold weather.
The world is good and the people are good,
And we're all good fellows together.
AN IRISHMAN'S TOAST
/|I\AY good fortune follow you all your life (and never
catch up with you).
ENJOY THYSELF
jCNJOY the spring of Love and Youth,
~ To some good angel leave the rest,
For all too soon we learn the truth:
There are no birds in the last year's nest.
DON'T WAIT
♦flkERE'S to the Rose that buds and grows-
"J Pluck it and call it your own,
For the rose may fade, and so will the maid,
If she lives too long alone.
EVBRYBODY UP
TO THE HOME
HOME
7THE place where you are treated best and grumble
^ most.
HOME
fJlN abode wherein the inmate, the superior being
*"^ called man, can pay back at night, with fifty per
cent interest, every annoyance that he has met with
during the day.
HOME
7THE golden setting in which the brightest jewel is
^ "Mother."
HOME
7THE father's kingdom; the child's paradise; the
^ mother's world.
HOME
^HE only spot on earth where the faults and failings
^ of humanity are hidden under a mantle of charity.
EVERYBODY UF>
BACHELOR'S TOASTS
NOT THEIR FAULT
*flkERE'S to the Bachelor, so lonely and gay, "
"** For it's not his fault he was born that way;
And here's to the spinster, so lonely and good,
For it's not her fault ■— she hath done what she could.
A BACHELOR ON MARRIAGE
*lf WOULD advise a young man to pause
■■ Before he takes a wife.
In fact I see no earthly cause
Why he should not pause for life.
TO OUR BACHELOR FRIENDS
'TTHEN here's to the jolly Bachelor's life,
^ And may he live till he takes a wife.
A BACHELOR'S DREAM
CJiOME men want youth and others health,
**" Some from a wife will often shrink;
Some men want wit and others wealth —•
May we want nothing but to drink.
EVERYBODY UP>
MR. AND MRS. NEWLYWED
THE BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM
CU ET us drink to their health and prosperity; may
'*^ they have a joyous bridal trip, and may their
journey through life be over a pleasant road without
any embarrassment that energy and love cannot
easily overcome.
THE HAPPY COUPLE
/|I\AY we all live to be present at their Golden Wedding.
THE FAIR BRIDE
/IIVAY her voyage through life be as happy and as
*nj free,
As the dancing waves on the deep blue sea.
THE NEWLY WEDDED PAIR
/|I\AY their joys be as deep as the ocean,
^"J And their misfortune as light as its foam.
IN-LAWS
ij\ERE'S to the bride and mother-in-law,
"^ Here's to the groom and father-in-law,
Here's to the sister and brother-in-law,
Here's to the friends and friends-in-law,
May none of them need an attorney-at-law.
EVERYBODY UP
1b
BON VOYAGE
iERE'S to the Bride and the Groom!
May you have a happy honeymoon,
May you lead a happy life,
May you have a bunch of money soon,
And live without all strife.
CRYSTAL WEDDING
ERE'S that they will not find the friendship of
their guests as brittle as their gifts.
THE TRUTHFUL MAN
ilAERE'S to the man who can bravely say,
UJ '< j have loved her all my life—
Since I took her hand on the wedding day
I have only loved my wife !''
Would we not praise him long and well
With the warmest praise that is,
The man who could boldly, firmly tell,
And stick to—a lie like this?
EVERYBODY UP
TRADE TOASTS
THE SURGEON'S TOAST
7THE man that bleeds for his country.
THE GROCER'S TOAST
/U\AY we spring up like vegetables, have turnip-noses,
" reddish cheeks, and carroty hair, and may our
hearts never be hard, like those of cabbages, nor may
we be rotten at the core.
THE HATTER'S TOAST
7MTflHEN the rogue naps may the lesson be felt.
THE TAILOR'S TOAST
/B\AY we always sheer out of a law-suit, and by so
^™*^ doing cut bad company.
THE BAKER'S TOAST
/B\AY we never be done so much as to make us crusty.
EVERYBODY UF>
THE LAWYER'S TOAST
AY the depths of our potations never cause us to
let judgment go by default.
THE IRISHMAN'S TOAST
^f IBERTY all over the world, and everywhere else.
THE SCHOOL TEACHER'S TOAST
7THE three R's — Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic.
WISE SENTIMENTS
SENSE
« *ff'D rather have a dinner while I'm living than a
monument when I'm dead, for the dinner will be
on my friends, while the monument would be on me."
LOVE YOUR JOB
UT give me the man with the sun in his face and the
shadows all dancing behind, who can meet his
reverses with calmness and grace, and never forgets to
be kind. For whether he's wielding a sceptor or swab,
I have faith in the man who's in love with his job.
fID
B
EVERYBODY UP
COURAGE
cjr EARN to seem cheerful, even when your heart
J~ feels as soggy as an overripe tomato."
NEVER GIVE UP
|J1 KING may die disconsolate;
Thus, too, a rogue may croak,
But heroes only climb the spout
Upon the old starvation route
And treat it as a joke.
BE SATISFIED
*IFF we got everything we prayed for the earth would
" have to be enlarged in order to make room for our
possessions.
THE DRUMMER
t* /H\Y boy, the man who doesn't expect the sun to
^nj shine tomorrow unless the standing room only
sign has been put out tonight, should never go on the
road."
CHEER UP
*rTHOUGH other purses be more fat,
^ Why should we pine or grieve at thatP
Hang sorrow! Care will kill a cat!
And therefore, lets be happy.
EVERYBODY UP
THINK THIS OVER
TTHE juice of the grape is given to him who will use it
^ wisely,
As that which cheers the heart of men after toil,
Refreshes him in sickness, and comforts him in sorrow.
He who enjoyeth it may thank God for his wine cup as
for his daily bread.
And he who abuses the gift of heaven is not a greater
fool than thou in thine abstinence.
THE WAY TO BE WISE
*fTF wisdom's ways you wisely seek,
™ Five things observe with care:
Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
GENEROSITY
/n\AY we all be as charitable as the Khan of Tartary,
*™J who, when he has dined on milk and horseflesh,
makes proclamation that all the kings and emperors of
earth have now his gracious permission to dine.
EVERYBODY UP
THE FIVE REASONS
*JfF on my theme I rightly think,
" There are five reasons why men drink —
Good wine, a friend, because I'm dry,
Or else I may be by and by,
Or any other reason why.
PROGRESS
C\X ET this and every dawn of the morning be to you
"*^ as the beginning of life, and let every setting sun
be as its close. Let every one of these short lives leave
its record of some kindly thing done for others — some
goodly strength or knowledge gained for yourselves.
NOW
*|I^ERE'S to the present — Anticipation may be very
"J agreeable, but participation is more practical.
DON'T WAIT
(^\H, my beloved, fill the cup that clears
^ Today of past regrets and future fears:
Tomorrow!—Why tomorrow I may be
Myself with yesterday's seven thousand years.
EVERYBODY UF>
TO YOU
/|I\AY Fortune still be kind to you,
AH^ And Happiness be true to you,
And Life be long and good to you.
Is the toast of all your friends to you.
»
TO OUR LASSES
OU and I are far too wise
Not to fill our glasses,.
Here's to thee and here's to me
And here's to all our lasses.
TO THE FATES
♦[UERE'S to the merry old world
"^ And the days—be they bright or blue—
Here's to the Fates, let them bring what they may,
But the best of them all—that's you!
BEFORE WE PART
*7rHEN once again before we part
^* My empty glass shall ring;
And he that has the warmest heart
Shall loudest laugh and sing.
EVERYBODY UP
TEMPERANCE TOASTS
H
PURE WATER
/^SLD Mother Nature tells us all,
^^ 'Tis the only drink for her sons below;
His heart and hand can never fail
Whose drink is only Adam's ale.
GOOD OLD WATER
FIG then for Burgundy, Claret or Mountain,
A few scanty glasses must limit your wish.
But here's to the toper that goes to, the fountain,
The drinker that verily "drinks like a fish."
ADAM'S CRYSTAL ALE
♦JKERE'S to Adam's Crystal Ale,
"•^ Clear, sparkling and divine.
Fair H20, long may you flow.
We drink your health in wine.
COLD WATER
T1TTIE never want cash to buy it, we are never ashamed
^^* to ask for it, and never blush to drink it.
EVERYBODY UP
OUR GUIDE
^TEMPERANCE is our guide, moral suasion our
^ weapons; none are so fallen that love and sympathy
can not reclaim them.
INTEMPERANCE
'7THE Mother of vice — May she never become ac-
^ quainted with any person present.
EVERYBODY UP
MISCELLANEOUS TOASTS
May we always mean well and act accordingly.
+- + •+■
May goodness prevail when beauty fails.
-♦- + ■+-
May we be kind, but not in words alone.
■+■ + ■+-
May good nature and good sense be ever united.
•+- + +
May generosity never be overtaken by poverty.
■+■■+■■+■
May we never have cause to put on mourning.
-+• -f- •+-
May we succeed in all our lawful undertakings.
-f- ■+■ -f-
May we be happy, and our enemies know it.
+- + -+-
May the polished heart make amends for the rough
countenance.
EVERYBODY UP
May those who enter the rosy paths of matrimony
never meet with thorns.
Our favorite girl.
+ ■+-•+■
May our thoughts never mislead our judgment.
+ ■+-■+•
May prosperity never make us arrogant, nor adver-
sity, mean. _+. _+. _^
May we live happy and die in peace with all mankind-
■+- -f- ■+•
May honesty never be ashamed of an unfashionable
garment. ^ _+_ _+_
May we never make matrimony a matter of money.
May the difference of creeds be ever left at the house
of prayer. .+. + +.
May conquest crown and mercy sanctify the sword
of justice. ^ ^ ^
May every mirror we look at cast an honest reflection.
EVERYBODY UF>
May the union of persons always be founded on that
of the heart. . . >
May the generous heart ever meet a chaste mate.
-*-■+--+-
May every woman have a protector but not a tyrant.
-f- -+- •+-
May we never see a frown in a bumper of wine.
+ ■+-•+-
May we — like the earth — drink deep and yet be
thirsty. ++..+.
May wine be always the whetstone of wit.
-+- + +-
May we never be out of spirits.
•+--+•-♦-
May wine make cowards brave.
+ ■+-■+-
Sunshine and good humor all the world over.
May the true lover never be deceived in the object
of his affection.
EVERYBODY UP
May those we love be honest, and the land we live in
free. ■+• + -♦-
May every day bring more happiness than yesterday.
May the rough road of adversity lead us to final
prosperity. _+_ _+_ _+.
May depressed merit be always exalted
■+■ + +■
Good humor; and may it ever smile at our board.
+ -+■ -f-
May our love of the glass never make us forget decency*
+ + +
May we never be drunk at night nor dry in the morn-
ing- + + +■
May we bury our sorrows in a friendly draught.
+ >- +
May we always mingle friendship with the cup.
■+• + +-
May we prize an old friend and love an old wife.
EVERYBODY UP
The heart that fills as the bottle empties.
-+- + -+-
To our absent friends.
+ + -f-
Life, love, liberty, and true friendship.
May the joys of the fair give pleasure to the heart.
+ -f- +-
May we be loved by those whom we love.
"+■ + +
May we kiss whom we please, and please whom we kiss.
■+- -f- -f-
May the confidence of love be rewarded with con-
stancy in its object. .__. ^
May the honorable lover attain the object of his
wishes. ^ _+. ^
May the lovers of the fair be modest, faithful and kind.
-♦- + •+-
May the wings of love never lose a feather.
EVERYBODY UP
May reason be enthroned a supreme monarch, and
passions be subject to his laws.
Poverty always at the rear, and hope and power ready
to assist.
FINIS
"STUNG
»»
This is the title of one of our books
containing a couple of hundred of
the best stories ever told,—stolen,
scissored, suggested and bunched
together in one book by Bert Davis.
It is up-to-date and a little beyond.
There are from three to five laughs
to the page, sixty-four pages to the
book. The price of the book is
fifty cents per copy, postpaid or at
your bookseller's.
It is bound in cloth and has a
cover design that is worth the price of the book.
THE MUTUAL BOOK COMPANY
Boston Mass.
Sttmg Again
Our great success with "Stung"
forced us to the conclusion that
the live, up-to-date hustler needs
amusement after the daily grind
and as we are in the business as
Philanthropists? to amuse, we
have just published a second book
of humorous stories; the best yet.
"Stung Again" will be mailed
to you postpaid on receipt of fifty
cents.
THE MUTUAL BOOK COMPANY ,
Publishers {
BOSTON, MASS. |
AFTER DINNER STORIES
For an after dinner talk a five-minute
recital of a witty story is worth an hour's
oration of sober fact. The story, however,
must be clever and genuinely humorous.
The compiler of this book has endeavored
to produce a book distinctly different from
anything published heretofore. Every one
of the several stories on each of the ninety-six
pages is good. There is not a dry page in
the book.
Owing to die quantity of the anecdotes
there is an almost unlimited selection.
There will be found a story for every time
that "That Reminds You."
The book is printed from new type on
antique paper.
Cloth bindins with cover design in three
Limp calf binding, a special presentation edition, boxed, $1.50
75 cents.
CRISP TOASTS
"Here's to the man
Who owns the land
That grows the vine
That bears the grapes
That makes the wine
That tastes as good as this does."
This is one of more than two hundred on
the ninety-six pages of this new toast book.
It is the newest and best toast book pub-
lished. It contains more new and more -
good toasts than any other similar book.
The book is printed in two colors, border design in green, type in brown on India
tint paper. It is died out to exactly resemble a slice of toast.
Cloth binding, boxed, 75 cent*. Leather binding, boxed, $1.50.