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Lindsay Gill and Dave Graham recordings partly transcribed by Warren
Fahey
Dave Graham
TRC2525/103 3/3
Morwell, Victoria 1976
Peter Parkhill Collection National Library of Australia
I remember the first time I tried it,
I was just a green kid of sixteen,
And even though she was years younger,
She was far more composed and serene;
I was eager to get going and started,
Uncertain as how to proceed,
But she seemed not to pay much attention,
As I prepared to do the deed.
It was out in the barn, I remember,
At the close of a long summer’s day,
And the evening was scented with clover
And the aroma of new-mown hay.
I remember I spoke to her softly,
The touch of her body was warm,
As lovingly I moved alongside her
As she nestled her head on my arm;
And even today I remember
How I looked as my head used to spin,
With the thoughts of the thing I planned doing,
But somehow afraid to begin.
Then later I remember me standing,
Uncertain to stay or to run,
A feeling of pride it possessed me,
And I knew that the job was well done.
Twenty years have passed by since that evening,
But I’ll never forget it I vow
The thrill and the joy that I first felt as a boy
The day I milked my first cow.
We were ten days out of Plymouth when our ship struck with a
shuddering shock.
‘We’re aground!’, cried the captain, we’re aground cried the first
mate, and I cried we’re aground,
But the bosun, cunning bastard that he was, he said we’ve struck a rock.
The captain swam ashore, the first mate swam ashore and I swam ashore,
but the bosun, cunning bastard that he was, he paddled ashore in a
shit-can.
When we reached the shore all the native population came down to meet
us: the king Dirty Troll, the queen Luxurious Bitch, the two
princesses, Syphilis and Gonnereaha, and all the rest of the native
population. Bloody shits!
As the next day was ‘record day’ we all assembled in the arena where
the witch doctor produced a penis of immense dimensions, and balanced
there upon was one telephone pole, one war canoe, one packet of
Capstan cigarettes and one cake of Lifebuoy Soap, just to keep the
story clean, and ran thirty-three and a third times around the arena.
The captain was amazed, the first mate was amazed and I was amazed,
but the bosun, cunning bastard that he was, he produced a penis of
colossal dimensions and balanced there upon were two telegraph poles,
two native war canoes, two packets of Capstan cigarettes and two cakes
of Lifebuoy Soap, just to keep the story clean, and ran thirty-three
and two thirds around the arena – thus creating a new record.
The captain was amazed, the first mate was amazed and I was amazed but
the bosun, cunning bastard that he was, won honour and glory for the
British Navy.
Oh noble seamen do not weep, it was not you that stuffed the sheep,
It was the stoker second class that shoved it up the woolly’s arse.
Daniel and the Lion’s Den
(fragment)
Now Daniel and his party were set upon by thieves
These were not ordinary thieves – but arsehole thieves,
Who rode away singing merrily ‘twinkle twinkle little rectum
Big prick come when least expect –um
Down the street of a thousand arseholes, beneath the sign of the
swinging tit,
Mentions Barnacle Bill and Harlot of Jerusalem
Lindsay Gill –
Morwell, Victoria 1976 –
Peter Parkhill Collection NLA
(This song was performed as part of a frame folktale)
The old girl ran to the door and latched it
She ran to the door and latched it.
And the old girl sat by the fireside
She pulled up her clothes a little higher
She pulled up her clothes a little higher
The tomcat sniffed and he smarted
And the old girl pissed and she farted
For a rat the cat did take it
For a rat the cat did take it
He made a spring at the old girl’s thing
(Spoken) and by hell didn’t he shake it!
And they both kicked up a din
That the neighbours came right in
And to the hospital they did brought her
Now how very ill they thought her
They found a scratch on the side of her snatch
At least an inch and a quarter!
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