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The Folksinger's Predicament
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Subject: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,Tyler Alderson Date: 12 Dec 15 - 09:28 AM I was sitting one night at a session When they asked me to strike up a song But to my chagrin Every one I'd begin Just felt like it didn't belong For you see as a modern folk singer I know hundreds of verses and lines But on this green Earth There is truly a dearth Of folk songs in which nobody dies I thought I would sing an old ballad Of a young man who fancied a maid He swore on his life He would make her his wife For this fellow was keen to get laid But it seemed that his steadfast affection Was a wholly one-sided affair He was crushed to discover His true love with her lover And offed himself right then and there I started to tell of a fellow Who lived in a hut by the sea But on verse 22 He was struck with the flu And he snuffed it in verse twenty three I went into Rock-a-bye Baby The gentlest song of them all But then the bough broke And the poor baby croaked When the cradle and he took a fall So I turned to the Isle of Erin Thinking Irish have all of the luck But it seemed that each story Was required to be gory They even killed Flaherty's duck! About eighty percent die of hunger And the English took care of rest From Belfast to Dingle There isn't a single Song in Ireland without a death And it seemed that the longer I pondered The only denouement I found Was one that resolved With each person involved Horizontal, six feet underground There were songs of disease and starvation Suicide, drownings, and war Revenge, retribution Unjust execution Massacres, murders and more! Folk singers as a population Are a violent and bloodthirsty lot Perverse and sadistic Somewhat masochistic And prob'ly deserve to be shot And so to you fellow musicians If you find someone singing a verse Your fiddle retrieve And immediately leave For you might end up injured or worse (You might have to listen to a song!) Wrote this last night, still unsure of the melody but fits "Black Velvet Band." |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,# Date: 12 Dec 15 - 10:19 AM Excellent :-) |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,Raggytash Date: 12 Dec 15 - 10:22 AM I like it Tyler !! Several years ago I was in a bar talking to Dave Mason, landlord of Ye Olde Dolphin in Robin Hoods Bay. He was talking about the previous weeks folk session "nowt but doom, gloom and bloody murder" he said. Later in the conversation (and I honestly don't know whether it was his idea or mine) we arranged that during the following Folk Weekend we would have one hour of dedicated songs from the assembled company to see just how many people we could kill off in one hour of song. A couple of years later we'd topped over ONE HUNDRED MILLION in just ONE hour. |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,Peter from seven stars link Date: 12 Dec 15 - 11:28 AM I,m sure that when you get the tune it will be a popular song. Well done. |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST Date: 12 Dec 15 - 12:33 PM According to Vince at Doncaster Folk Club, the death songs (referred to as non knobbing songs) are balanced out by a combination of knobbing songs and unrequited knobbing songs. Songs where he wants to get laid, sees the object of his desire getting laid so tops himself are true folk songs. |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Joe_F Date: 12 Dec 15 - 05:45 PM For an exception, I particularly recommend The False Lover Won Back (Child 218). No-one dies, and the irresponsible fornicator faces up to the realization that he has been running away from a good deal. I dare say he even gets laid again. |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,Ebor Fiddler Date: 12 Dec 15 - 07:26 PM Is that the one where the hero says something on the lines of "When I'm in the King's High court, they call me Sweet William" (I wonder why?) and when she finds herself in the family way, she goes to see the king and he sorts things out for her? |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,..gargoyle Date: 12 Dec 15 - 07:40 PM I like it.. It is fresh, original, and true. Sincerely. Gargoyle |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 12 Dec 15 - 08:13 PM From: GUEST,Raggytash - PM Date: 12 Dec 15 - 10:22 AM I like it Tyler !! Several years ago I was in a bar talking to Dave Mason, landlord of Ye Olde Dolphin in Robin Hoods Bay. He was talking about the previous weeks folk session "nowt but doom, gloom and bloody murder" he said. Later in the conversation (and I honestly don't know whether it was his idea or mine) we arranged that during the following Folk Weekend we would have one hour of dedicated songs from the assembled company to see just how many people we could kill off in one hour of song. A couple of years later we'd topped over ONE HUNDRED MILLION in just ONE hour. only ONE HUNDRED MILLION? Maybe you need this song WHEN THE WIND BLOWS by Eric Bogle with 'a billion lost souls falling into hell' sandra How much is a billion? |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,Gerry Date: 12 Dec 15 - 10:11 PM Speaking of Eric Bogle, you can sing Tyler's song to the tune of the chorus of And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda. But I think 12 verses to that tune might try someone's patience. |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Jim Carroll Date: 13 Dec 15 - 03:59 AM "It is fresh, original, and true." Reminds me of the time back in the 70s when a feller stood up at a London club and complained about all the violent songs, especially the anti war, Viet Nam protest ones, and pleaded that we all should be singing of the good old days when everybody sat around drinking ale and eating roast beef..... a lovely anodyne picture of life as it never was. I remember thinking, when we finished cleaning up folk songs we could then make a start on Shakespeare and Dickens and all the other sadists, and maybe burn a few history books while we were at it! Mind you - in those days we were singing songs that had come down to us through the centuries - we didn't know what real folk song was back then!!! Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Jim Carroll Date: 13 Dec 15 - 04:23 AM Should add - don't have any problems with the song - good for a laugh, just with those who take it too seriously. Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: MGM·Lion Date: 13 Dec 15 - 05:11 AM Ebor Fiddler, 0726 -- You are thinking of The Knight & The Shepherd's Daughter, Child #110, of which you will finds a version on my YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/mgmyer ≈M≈ |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Dave the Gnome Date: 13 Dec 15 - 05:59 AM I always work on the basis that if the words make sense, the song is about death while if the words are nonsense it is about sex and old Cecil cleaned it up :-) |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Jack Campin Date: 13 Dec 15 - 06:57 AM You could try Andrew Mill's song "Sing Me a Love Song Where Nobody Dies". |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,Derrick Date: 13 Dec 15 - 08:54 AM Our club had an evening where the singers had to find a song with a death or deaths with the MC keeping the score.Some like "The little husband" were quite amusing. The winner was a song which destroyed all of mankind. |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Jack Campin Date: 13 Dec 15 - 09:28 AM I sometimes do Adrian Mitchell's "Fifteen Million Plastic Bags" when things are getting excessively cheerful. |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Dave the Gnome Date: 13 Dec 15 - 10:21 AM Donovan's 'The war drags on' is pretty good for killing people of. Last night, poor Dan had a nightmare it seems One kept occurrin' and reoccurrin' in his dreams Cities full of people burnin', screamin', shoutin' loud And right there overhead, a great orange mushroom cloud And there's no more war For there's no, no more world And the tears come streaming down Yes, I lie crying on the ground |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Snuffy Date: 13 Dec 15 - 02:16 PM And the Sun has come to earth Shrouded in a mushroom cloud of death .... |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST Date: 13 Dec 15 - 04:09 PM Thanks for the kind words, and I have to say, I'm one of the many bloodthirsty folksingers out there. Particularly fond of a good old-fashioned murder-suicide, "if I can't have you no one will!" |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: GUEST,Tyler Alderson Date: 13 Dec 15 - 04:14 PM Should have noted that that last comment was from me! Also, Jim, I do find a lot of nostalgia for the good ol' days of ale and roast beef a little misplaced, given that the roast beef might have had a few bugs in it... It was that and a certain candidate's promise to "Make America Great Again" that prompted this song... I often think back to those good old days past When a man was a man from his first to his last And it seemed that the world didn't fly quite so fast Oh how often I wish they'd return For you'd get along with each person you knew And there were no Polish or Chinese or Jews And the poor knew their place in the factory queues The world was so pleasant and simple And ladies were filled with a wifely devotion That freed them from thinking and other such notions For everyone knew they were full of emotion And best left to tidy the house On the vagaries of plumbing we'd nary a thought On ornate commodes we would gingerly squat And lose a few pounds to the old chamber pot The maids would take care of the rest And the sick didn't linger when outlooks were dire They had the good sense to know when to expire Without all the medical bills climbing higher And without these new pills and machines It was much more graceful and easier too For our wonderful doctors had more work to do Fighting cholera, polio, smallpox and flu Yellow fever and tuberculosis We never used condoms, such things are obscene! Though it meant having kids any time we were keen So it seemed that each couple had ten or fifteen Thank goodness that most of them died And as I was saying, a man was a man He would fight for what's right with a gun in his hand Then fight for his life bleeding out in the sand Exchanging his innards for glory The sun it was brighter, the moon it was bigger Men, women, and children were all filled with vigor Your daughter would never go out with a man of African American descent Or whatever they want us to call them Yes everything back then was better it seems Tobacco was healthy, only royals were queens But I hear there's a man who in 2016 Could make our nation great once again |
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Subject: RE: The Folksinger's Predicament From: Paul Burke Date: 13 Dec 15 - 05:54 PM Bleak without death. Proud Maisry. If you've ever loved without reciprocation, this is your song. |
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