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BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol?
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BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? |
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Subject: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: lefthanded guitar Date: 29 Sep 14 - 04:57 PM Well I know this isn't a 'Miss Manners' forum, but b/c we musicians travel a lot and 'visit' people, I've been wondering about this. What is expected of a guest and host these days? As a guest, I usually bring a small gift or offer to take someone out to dinner (and of course change the linens, clean up after myself, etc) ; but when I have hosted people in the past (not that often these days) I always provided food, but not usually paying for entertainment (movie, concert, etc) of guests. I have found that in the last few years whenever I've been 'put up' by friends, they almost never offer meals- I can bring my own, use the kitchen on occasion, or go out to eat. One friend who put me up in her beach house a few years ago indicated that I should bring food for the both of us. Not sure when this changed, when I was coming up the host always supplied meals, but no longer- the only place I've been 'welcomed' in the old fashioned way is visiting in the southeast U.S. So am I being anachronistic in my expectations- what are you all doing these days regards friends (not relatives) staying over. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST Date: 29 Sep 14 - 05:10 PM Just be |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST Date: 29 Sep 14 - 05:11 PM Yourself |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: Rapparee Date: 29 Sep 14 - 06:10 PM If you visited me out here in Idaho you'd be housed, fed, bathroomed, televisioned, Interneted, shown the sights, etc. In return you'd be expected to supply the materials and rebuild my back deck. Seriously, a guest is a guest (as long as they don't wear out their welcome). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST Date: 29 Sep 14 - 06:19 PM I would expect to provide all meals. As a guest I would expect to eat out at lunchtime and bring wine and flowers or chocolate for my hosts. If we eat out as a group then - assuming that we were "going Dutch" - I would pick up the drinks tab for all of us. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST,Mrr Date: 29 Sep 14 - 07:11 PM People who come to stay are fed as if family for the duration. I would expect a small hosting gift (arrive with flowers is enough, taking us out for 1 meal would be nice if you stayed several days, but not expected), yes you clean up your own messes if any, if we go out I would expect to treat you the first time and for you to decline any further offers for me to treat you, though I might continue to offer. Something afterwards saying how great it was, though, IS expected, whether it was great or not. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST,Stim Date: 29 Sep 14 - 07:26 PM The "old fashioned" way is the way I learned it, and the way I always did it--good manners required that guests be given food, drink and a place to stay, and whatever they needed to clean and restore themselves from their travels. And every visit included lots of conversation and catching up. Nowadays, folks a lot of people don't have time to cook, they grab food on the run, or they're dieting, or whatever, and meals don't really mean much. A lot of families don't even eat together anymore. You have to change with the times. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: olddude Date: 29 Sep 14 - 07:45 PM any guest is welcome here, as long as it is not my damn brother in law the tool |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: Rapparee Date: 30 Sep 14 - 07:24 AM Hot damn! I can kick in yer door, and shout "I'm HERE!" and I'll be welcome! That's great! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST,# Date: 30 Sep 14 - 07:43 AM "I'm here! I'm here! Let the bells ring out and the banners fly! Feast your eyes on me! It's too good to be true, but I'm here! I'm here!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: Rapparee Date: 30 Sep 14 - 08:21 AM Probably. If it's too good to be true it probably isn't. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST,CS Date: 30 Sep 14 - 08:39 AM For me it would all be down to the purpose of their stay. If they just needed a place to crash whilst doing something that they needed to do in the area (such as work, or visit other people) during the day, then they're not 'visiting me', they're making use of my spare room like a lodger might. In that kind of circumstance - where they are coming and going as they need to - unless they actually addressed the issue of meals with me, I wouldn't concern myself with what they ate too much, I'd assume they would sort themselves out wherever they might be going for the day. If a person actually comes to visit me, then I will discuss meals and certainly feed them at the same time that I am eating. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST,CS Date: 30 Sep 14 - 08:43 AM And no, I don't need gifts or any kind of payment. If someone has made the effort to come and spend their time with me - and spent money on travel costs too - then they're more than welcome to share meals. No question. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: lefthanded guitar Date: 02 Oct 14 - 07:13 PM THANKS mudcatters; these are great responses. Glad to know I'm not alone in my expectations, tho I also have regard for the idea of changing with the times. P.S. to Old Dude, I'll be there about nine tonight; steak is always a favorite ;D and as my gift to you; I HAVE misinformed your brother in law that you recently moved to Siberia. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: wysiwyg Date: 03 Oct 14 - 04:59 AM We share what we can as hosts and point towards local resources for whatever else may be needed. We drive folks cuz the area's hard to nav well even with gps. We feed arrivals cuz we want them to be able to sleep off what is usually a longer travel to us than they thought. We invite them along into our busy lives and trust their own best sense for how to allocate their time. If entertainment has been expected it's generally been discussed ahead of the visit and we go dutch. We always make fresh linens available for guests to prep the space for next guest and hope it will be done but do require at least stripping the bed and tossing dirties downstairs twds the laundry. Guests are always welcome to do some personal laundry (we're on free water) and help with any chores we may be doing. Since we normally eat out a lot we prefer to cook with guests at home and stumbled onto a nice bit of eauitability with BIL that works with others. ... one night we supply the protein dish a d they supply the side dishes, the next night it's the other way around, after that arrival night. One of us is introvert and one extrovert. We try to set aside chatting time and usually between us both we can cover whatever chat time the guest needs, but our home and area are usually so peaceful that we also find it important to provide alone time for guests who discover they're actually on retreat. I think most stuff is negotiable and not an occasion to be judgmental. As guests we try to discern the program and get with it. A hostess gift has always been appreciated. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: wysiwyg Date: 03 Oct 14 - 05:04 AM PS one of the nicest hostess gifts was a short set of the singer's repertoire but we never ever EXPECT a guest to "do" their profession for us while with us-- that's taking advantage kf a guest who we'd assume is on holiday from all that! !! And we appreciate the same restraint from our hosts!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Host and guest; what's the protocol? From: GUEST,leeneia Date: 03 Oct 14 - 11:06 AM Lefthanded guitar, you wrote "but b/c we musicians travel a lot and 'visit' people..." Are you on tour? Do you have an agent? Are your gigs being sponsored by local folk groups? When our folk group was active, we officers hosted many travelling musicians in our homes. Basically, we were rather well-off, middle-aged professionals who were cheerfully housing and feeding musicians, whom we assumed were chronically broke. We usually found it fun. If you are in that situation, ask your agent or the officers of the club about meals. I can see how it would be a strain to have to ask your host if he will feed you. |
