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BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US!
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BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! |
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Subject: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Rapparee Date: 25 Jan 13 - 09:26 PM January 25 (RN): Hordes of drug-crazed Canadian commando-trained chimpanzees, swinging from girder to girder, have infiltrated the US via both the "Peace Bridge" and the bridge linking Detroit and Windsor, Ontario. The chimps, heavily armed with fully automatic poo-shooters and vast supplies of ammunition, have seized Ft. Wayne in Detroit and Ft. Ticonderoga in New York. It is believed that they will use these bastions as advanced bases from which to launch further attacks. When asked about the reports, Candian Defence Forces replied, "Huh? No comment, eh?" The US has placed troops of the crack 10th Mountain Division at Ft. Drum on full alert, assuming they can get out of the base when the snow stops and the roads are cleared. Certain units of the Rhode Island National State Guard have also be alerted for possible action. Neither President Obama nor Prime Minister Harper could be reached for comment. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Joe Offer Date: 25 Jan 13 - 09:42 PM I knew this was going to happen. They spent all our money on that fence along the Mexican border, and completely neglected the Threat from the North. I think we should blame this on Hillary Clinton. Negligence on her watch, for sure. -Joe, irate- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Bill D Date: 25 Jan 13 - 10:11 PM Hordes? Like all 3? Is someone channeling Orson Welles? Let's see how the news sounds AFTER the commercial. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 25 Jan 13 - 10:51 PM What a buncha yellow journalism! First off, they aren't chimps, they're |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Jack the Sailor Date: 25 Jan 13 - 11:14 PM Canada does not have much population In Canada three counts as a horde. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Sandy Mc Lean Date: 25 Jan 13 - 11:31 PM Joe, your comment: "I think we should blame this on Hillary Clinton. Negligence on her watch, for sure" is highly offensive to your northern neighbours! (yes the "U" is correct!) Next I suppose you will smear that great British patriot Benidict Arnold! Shame, shame, shame! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Little Hawk Date: 25 Jan 13 - 11:49 PM Benedict Arnold was a British patriot indeed...after an unfortunate lapse during which he fought for those damned colonial rebels! Fortunately, he did see the error of that decision in time, and decided to again serve the British Crown loyally and faithfully. Had the British commanding generals listened to Arnold's excellent advice and followed it they'd have crushed the American Revolution! He told them that all they had to do to knock the starch out of the rebellion was offer any rebels who would join the British forces a parcel of free Crown land on which to farm and a modest amount of cash. Bribe them, in other words. Dead right! Free land and money were the way to a colonial's heart. Washington's army would have melted away like an ice cube in a blast furnace. Unfortunately, the overly confident British generals thought they could win without doing any of the above, thus saving the Crown the cost. They were wrong. Arnold was right. What a shame! If they'd done it, Canada would now stretch from the Arctic to the border of Mexico, and I could move somewhere where the winters aren't so cold and STILL get free universal health care!!!!!!!!!! Heh! Heh! ;-) As for this BS about Chimps invading from Canada, it's just Rap trying to damage Chongo's glowing reputation again. Nothing but despicable specist propaganda from the Mad Librarian. Ignore it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Dead Horse Date: 26 Jan 13 - 05:18 AM Ook. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Ebbie Date: 26 Jan 13 - 12:30 PM Question: When are 'hordes' just a 'horde'? And what is the difference? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Ed T Date: 26 Jan 13 - 12:47 PM Crazed and Hungry, Irish-Francophone Canuck Commando Snow-bird Chimps, Wearing Revealing Speedo's, Invade US Roadside Rest Area Washrooms! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Ed T Date: 26 Jan 13 - 12:50 PM Crazed and Hungry, Irish-Francophone Canuck Commando Snow-bird Chimps, Wearing Revealing Speedo's, Invade US Roadside Rest Area Washrooms, During Their Annual Southern Migration! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: ChanteyLass Date: 26 Jan 13 - 03:48 PM Oh, sure! Involve the Rhode Island National Guard! This Rhode Islander says "Keep our troops home!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Rapparee Date: 26 Jan 13 - 09:06 PM I reports the news that I finds. As for the RING, them Canadian Commando Chimps might attack Providence from a submarine, blow the bridges and make Rhode Island and island once again, an island once again, and Rhode Island then will be an island,once again! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Bill D Date: 26 Jan 13 - 10:00 PM Durn... I think there's a novel here... with movie rights and a TV series! Make "Planet of the Apes" look like a walk in the park! I wonder if Chongo is ready for a new career.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: JohnInKansas Date: 27 Jan 13 - 05:55 PM It's puzzling why none of these invaders have been reported in my area, although it's possible that this is a very real threat. A few (actually several) years ago, the last time I was ordered to meet with a boss in a "singles" bar, there were several "young ladies" there who may well have been "chimps in bad disguises," suggesting that surreptitious surveillance has been ongoing for a very long time in anticipation of an invasion. It's also quite possible that at that time an "attrition attack" was already in effect, as a few of the "singles" were observed leaving with one or another of the "chimp(?) girls" and only the "girls" returned later. Vulnerability to operations of this kind are a very real threat, since it doesn't really seem to require a significant level of intelligence to be a manager (the main patrons there) or for that matter to acquire a security clearance. Now you've got me nervous! Maybe I should stock up on Monkey Butt® for the eventuality of a demand for bribes. So far I've only needed enough to placate the very few irate truck drivers I've encountered. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Rapparee Date: 27 Jan 13 - 06:37 PM I think that they have infiltrated the US and we are not aware that They Are Among Us. There is some evidence that chimpanzees are actually space aliens -- compare the pictures from Roswell with those of Chonga Chimp, except that there AREN'T any photos of Chonga! That by itself tells you that s/he is a space alien! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Jan 13 - 07:25 PM Chongo is always ready for a new career, Bobert...providing it pays well enough. He's an ape of all trades. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: gnu Date: 27 Jan 13 - 07:35 PM He can ape all trades? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Bill D Date: 27 Jan 13 - 08:11 PM "Chongo is always ready for a new career, Bobert..." That wasn't Bobert! Bobert hasn't even posted here.... hmmmpfff! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Rapparee Date: 27 Jan 13 - 08:48 PM My mistake! Do a search for "Chongo Chimp photos" and you'll find some the show an absolute and complete identity with the Roswell space aliens!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Jack the Sailor Date: 27 Jan 13 - 09:00 PM John, you are in Kansas. No one in their right mind is going to invade the US and then go to Kansas, especially Canadians who already have Sask and Manitoba. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: olddude Date: 27 Jan 13 - 09:06 PM They came down I90, I tried to fight back the best I could but the new gun law limited my potato cannon to only seven spuds, They got me with the auto poo ... I now will forever smell like a filthy ape, Dang gun laws |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Bill D Date: 27 Jan 13 - 09:09 PM In an episode of M*A*S*H, Charles Emerson Winchester, worried about some transgression he had committed, said: "I could be sent to Leavenworth! ...Oh my God...that's in KANSAS!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: ChanteyLass Date: 27 Jan 13 - 10:29 PM Ha, Rap! Send a sub to Providence? Even Russian subs can't survive here. We sank and dismantled the last one, and the same will happen again! http://www.wpri.com/dpp/news/providence-crews-dismantling-sunken-russian-submarine |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: GUEST,Stim Date: 28 Jan 13 - 12:04 AM This "invasion" was nothing more that a couple of tour busses full of chimps on a hockey excursion that went wrong. Chimps are, as you all know, are keen supporters of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and when the lockout was lifted, they quickly slapped together an excursion to the Rangers game in NYC on Jan 26. Unfortunately, they booked with Orilla International Trailways, which turned out to be a Mexican bus company from Orilla De Los Muertos, Chihuahua. OIT had purchased several junked busses from Toronto's Magic Bus Company, and were carrying passengers into the US due to a loophole in the North American Free Trade Act. One of the busses broke an axle at the Ticonderoga service area on the New York Thruway, and the driver, a creature of indeterminate species by the name of Bongo Bimp, abandoned the tour, hot wired a 1983 Honda Civic, and was last seen headed for VanderWhacker Mountain, where he is thought to have people. The chimps want olddude to know that it was the General Manager of the bus company, and not them who was involved in the poo-flinging. After trying to set fire to the bus, he attempted to flee, but was apprehended by local authorities. Chongo called in a few favors, and everything else has been settled amicably. It is not clear how the other bus ended up in Detroit, but since the chimps were the first visitors to Ft. Wayne this year, they were made quite welcome, and have decided to stay until the Red Wings play the Stars on January 29th. No one is happy about the Rangers game. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: Jack the Sailor Date: 28 Jan 13 - 12:12 AM Hmmmm, May I point out that there is only one way that a chimp can "have people" and it has NOTHING to do with being related! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: GUEST,Stim Date: 28 Jan 13 - 12:52 AM Well, it's not clear what he is. The chimps said he was wearing a pink wig when last seen. A bit like Nikki Minaj. He was also wearing *very* large glasses. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Crazed Commando Canuck Chimps Invade US! From: gnu Date: 28 Jan 13 - 07:54 PM "full of chimps on a hockey excursion" Apes playing hockey? So... what's new? |
