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BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains!
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Subject: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Nov 12 - 01:44 PM It had been feared that the huge crowd of monkeys, apes, and humans who congregated last night at Duffy's Bar in Chicago might riot when it became clear by about 11pm that Chongo was not going to win the election...or even crack the 1% mark in the popular vote. These fears, however, turned out to be groundless. Romney's televised concession speech about a half hour later was greeted with cheers and enthusiastic hoots from the audience. Then Mr Duffy, the bar's owner, turned down the sound on the TVs and Chongo stepped up on the bar and delivered his own speech to the assembled troops. He was upbeat, as always, first of all thanking them all for their loyal support and reminding them that it was through their steadfast and courageous efforts that monkeys, apes, and humans could walk side by side in America with no fear of discrimination or prejudice. He also congratulated President Obama on his victory and vowed that the APP "will be keepin' a close eye on yer administration and makin' sure that the equal rights of apes and monkeys ain't ignored or swept under the carpet in the next 4 years". Chongo went on then to give a stirring speech about his own rise from jungle obscurity, his long voyage from West Africa to America, his early years of struggle on the mean streets of New York and Chicago, and his eventual triumph as a defender of law, order, and species equality. "You can all do like I done, each and every one of you. Don't let nothin' hold you back. The world is your ripe banana, just waitin' to be peeled." The crowd responded with wild cheering. All in all, it seemed more like a victory celebration than an election night post mortem for a party that garnered less than 1% of the national vote. The party didn't really wind down till about around 4 AM, but Chongo and his lovely campaign manager Renata Carson excused themselves at around 1:30 AM, leaving the celebrants to party on. Chongo met with the press this morning at 11 AM outside his apartment building, where he was asked how he felt about the election result and what he intended to do now? "Well, I'm kinda relieved that it's all over, and I'm pleased that we increased our share of the national vote, gettin' closer to the 1% mark than we did last time. This shows that people are wakin' up to the fact that apes and monkeys got rights too, that the Constitution is for ALL Americans, not just some Americans, and that the time has come to put specism behind us once and for all. The pioneerin' work done by great humans such as Johnny Weismuller and great apes such as King Kong and Cheetah will not have been in vain. Yes, I see a new sun risin'! I see a day when apes, monkeys, and humans...whether they be black, white, yellow, brown or with rainbow-striped asses... will walk side by side into a shared future of mutual respect and prosperity." "What do I plan to do now? Well, I'm gonna get back to work, that's what. This campaign ate up a lot of my time, time that coulda been spent fightin' crime and attendin' baseball games at Wrigley Field and other important stuff like that." When asked if he would ever run for president again in a future election, Chongo's answer was: "That depends on Obama. Is he gonna address the real issues and bring about the changes that are desperately needed in the next 4 years? Or is he not? The ball is in his court. I ain't sayin' I WILL run again....but I ain't sayin' I won't either. Just remember this: When there is a cryin' need for action, Chongo Chimp ain't afraid to step up to the plate. Just watch me." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Rapparee Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:02 PM What about Larry? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Rapparee Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:04 PM The real story is here: Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp - PM Date: 07 Nov 12 - 12:33 PM You guys deserve what you got. I lost and I ain't never gonna run agin cause I found Larry. All of you who voted for me, thanks. Both of ya. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:05 PM "Larry" is someone you invented, Rap. Since you brought him into being, you should know where to find him, right? Check under yer bed or in the closet. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Henry Krinkle Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:10 PM You can be my running mate in 2016. Henry Krinkle / Chongo Chimp =(:-( D) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:16 PM Let me explain, folks. Rapparazzi has been harassin' me and my campaign for some time by postin' false posts that are supposedly comin' from me. He signs them posts as "Chongo Chimp". He is an impostor, plain and simple. This is what happens to librarians after awhile. They been around too many books and not enough people, see? They go a bit crazy in the head eventually and start impersonatin' people who actually have a life. People like me. Rapparazzi is a sad case. He has recently invented some bozo called "Larry" and he is implyin' that I am having some kind of relationship with said bozo. I think this might be a reflection of Rap's own tormented psyche and his frustratedly inhibited sex drive. Like I said, he's been around way too many books, and he's lost his mind. I would like to ask everyone who is so inclined to pray daily for Rap. Pray that he will recover his sanity and stop riskin' his life by impersonatin' me.... Meanwhile, I am celebratin' all the free time I got now that the campaign is over. Obama is stuck with the results, not me. I am feelin' lucky, folks. I'm free as a bird. ;-D Ook! Ook! - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:19 PM Henry, I took a look at yer projected campaign platform. Not bad! You got a lotta good ideas there. I will definitely consider some sorta political coalition with yer folks next time around. We gotta bust the damned 2-party megalopoly wide open and give folks a REAL choice when they go to the polls. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Henry Krinkle Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:25 PM We'll kick ass and take names. You won't see anything but assholes and elbows when we hit Washington D.C. =(:-( )) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:29 PM Here's Henry's platform that is shapin' up: "I'm developing my platform. Abolish the Death Penalty. High tariffs on Chinese goods. Massive overhaul of education. Music lessons mandatory in schools. 40 acres and a mule for anybody who wants it. No more gun control of any kind. Pack a piece if you like. Legalize dueling." Lotta good stuff there! If there was legalized duelin', I coulda settled Rap's hash some time ago, and without any undue legal consequences. Some goes for Amos's hash. It would have to be carefully regulated, of course, so it was carried out in a proper manner at specified deulin' locations. All we gotta do is reactivate things to where they were back in the 1700s, and specify the rules accordin'ly. With legalized deulin', I'm bettin' that half the idiots in the country could be disposed of within 6 months or less, and that would leave more land and resources for everyone else, right? Donald Trump, for example: I'm bettin' he wouldn't last a week. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Bobert Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:30 PM Well, Chongz, congrats are in order here... Your goal of not achieving 1% of the popular vote was met... Maybe you should join up with the Krinkx in 2016... I'm sure the two of you could easily pull down less than 1% again... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Rapparee Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:43 PM C'mon, Chonga. C'mon out. Put yer money where yer mouth is. Dueling is not something that's forbidden by Idaho law -- check it out if you don't believe me. C'mon, ya dumb monkey. Or are you too much of a scaredy-pants? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Henry Krinkle Date: 07 Nov 12 - 03:44 PM Me and bobette could settle our differences too. Pistols or sabers, bobette? =(:-( D) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Henry Krinkle Date: 07 Nov 12 - 04:12 PM Dueling would free up so much prison space. And court calenders would be cleared of so many cases. =(:-( )) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 07 Nov 12 - 04:19 PM I wanta congratulate you too, Bobertz, for havin' the good sense to withdraw yer candidacy months before the final vote. That showed a sense of public responsibility on yer part, and it freed up the 15 or 20 votes you woulda got to vote for someone half reasonable instead...like me. Rap, I got a lotta folks out there prayin' for you to see the light, come clean, and apologize to me. When you apologize, like I know yer gonna do, I will be magnanimous, generous, and kind hearted, and I will not blow you to kingdom come....just like Clint said to them fellas about apologizin' to his mule. Remember? C'mon, now. You can do it. Just say the words. "Chongo, I am very, very sorry for impersonating you and for repeatedly calling you Chonga. I will never do those things again. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" Do it. You'll feel so much better if you do. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 07 Nov 12 - 04:36 PM When you apologize, like I know yer gonna do... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Bobert Date: 07 Nov 12 - 05:40 PM Dueling??? As I understand it the challenged gets to pick the weapon, right??? Bo (not bow and arrow either) has always been my weapon of choice... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 07 Nov 12 - 07:05 PM I voted for Chongo! Well... It wasn't for US president. It was for state legislator for my district in Florida. Well... Actually, I didn't write in "Chongo Chimp". I wrote in "Anybody Else" and, since Chongo is definitely somebody else, he qualifies. He didn't win. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Nov 12 - 07:09 PM Too bad! ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Bobert Date: 07 Nov 12 - 07:13 PM Everyone won with Chongz loss... Even Chongz because eh knows deep inside that he don't know shit about real stuff... Poo chuckin'??? Different story... Shootin' up places with his AK-47??? Yup... Irritatin'??? Check... Organ grindin'??? Check... Nose pickin'??? He's yer monkey... etc., etc... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 07 Nov 12 - 07:22 PM Actually, Chongo and my current state legislator have a lot in common. They both like guns. If Chongo were to replace the guy, I doubt anybody'd notice. Whoa! There ya go! Forget about getting Chongo elected! Let somebody else do all the hard work of running a campaign and then pull the ol' switcheroo and slip Chongo in on inauguration day! He may have a chance at the US presidency after all! Stealth politics! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Rapparee Date: 07 Nov 12 - 07:24 PM Poor Chonga -- living his/her life in the movies like so many other poor slobs. Changa's gonna look awfully silly.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 08 Nov 12 - 12:22 AM Here's one of my friends shootin' a .45/70, Rap. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2BLJFrqoiM&feature=fvwrel - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,crazy little woman Date: 08 Nov 12 - 01:03 PM Chongo, I just had a brilliant idea. You would run in some British-based nation so that your campaign slogan could be "A Primate for Prime Minister." You might not win, but the slogan would live on forever, like "I Like Ike." About that friend of yours with rifle - Sexy outfit, but didn't anybody warn her about the hot gases that can come out of the back of a gun? And where's her hearing protection? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 08 Nov 12 - 01:13 PM Hmm. That IS a brilliant idea. I gotta give it some thought. I could try movin' to Canada, I guess...only thing is, I am really attached to Chicago and I would miss the games at Wrigley Field. "A Primate for Prime Minister" That does sound great! I hear this Steven Harper character ain't too well like, so maybe this would be the time to offer my services to Canadians. Regardin' my friend with the .45/70....I wouldn't worry much about the hot gases, they mostly go out the muzzle, but you are right about the hearing protection. She should wear the headgear for sure. I will pass yer advice on to her. - Chongo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Ed T Date: 08 Nov 12 - 01:21 PM Can't have your cake and eat it too Chongo. Bake this cake cake, since Christmas (aka Xmas)is coming... VODKA AND RED BULL CHRISTMAS CAKE INGREDIENTS 1 cup water 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt 4 large eggs 1 cup white sugar 1 cup brown sugar 2 cups dried fruit Lemon juice Nuts 1 can of Red Bull 1 bottle of Vodka METHOD 1. Sample the vodka to check the quality. (VERY IMPORTANT) 2. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. 3. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of vodka and mix with a little Red Bull and drink. 4. Repeat. 5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. 6. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. 7. At this point it is best to make sure the vodka is still ok. 8. Flavour with Red Bull to taste. 9. Try another cup - just in case, turn the mixerer off. 10. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit. 11. Pick fruit off the floor and remove larger bits of eggshell from the bowl. 12. Mix on the turner. 13. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry loose with a drewscriver. 14. Shample the vodka to check for tonsisticitiy, flavour with a little Bed Rull. 15. Next, ssifffft two cups of salt. Or something... Who giveshz a ... 16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder. 17. Pick up the can, mop the floor. 18. Check the vodka (shee steps 3 and 4). 19. Now shift the lemon and strain your nuts. 20. Add one table. 21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. 22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. 23. Don't forget to beat off the turner. 24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka . 25. Fall into bed. Cherry Mistmas!!! ---- By Kathleen (from under the table...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: GUEST,crazy little woman Date: 09 Nov 12 - 11:13 AM Ed, that really made me laugh. Chongo, I understand about missing Wrigley Field. Also The Lake. Anybody who asks 'which lake?' has never been to Chicago. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Rapparee Date: 09 Nov 12 - 11:38 AM Chonga, I've fired a .45-70 double rifle; my brother has one. That's the same caliber used by Custer's troops at the Little Big Horn and was and is often called ".45-70 Government." I nearly bought an H&R "Buffalo Gun" like that woman was firing earlier this year. She could well have been wearing hearing protection, as you can get the kind that you stick into your ears instead of the "earmuff" type. Side note: the empty brass cartridge case for a .45-70 round is slightly over two inches long, or about as long as your little finger. That's more than twice as long as the cartridge case for the .45 ACP cartridge used in the "45 caliber semiautomatic pistol" of WWI and WW2 days. The lead slug itself measures .45 inches across the middle of the base (the diameter) and originally used 70 grains of black powder as a propellant. And that, folks, is why it's called a ".45-70" (even though it's no longer regularly loaded with black powder). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Little Hawk Date: 09 Nov 12 - 09:40 PM Is there any kind of gun you have not fired, Rap? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Rapparee Date: 09 Nov 12 - 10:39 PM Probably. I'm qualified as Expert with the US Rifle, Caliber 7.62mm, M-14 but I've never fired one of those. I've fired other .308s, however, including the M-60 machine gun. Mostly I'm a traditionalist, sticking to the tried-and-true calibers and not things like .456 Casull, .375, .700 H&H, .25-06, 6.5, and so on. If it was good enough to win The War and feed families it's By God good enough for me! (Besides, I can't afford a lot of that new stuff.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Chongo and APP celebrate election gains! From: Little Hawk Date: 09 Nov 12 - 11:06 PM That's pretty much the way Chongo approaches it too. He favors the tried-and-true classic calibers and models every time. Mind you, he's dealing with urban crime, so it's mostly short range shooting that he's concerned about. For this, the Thompson submachine gun and the M1911 pistol serve quite well. The Thompson is reserved for major firefights with multiple opponents, the 1911 handles most smaller situations just fine. |
