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Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln
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Subject: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:55 PM I received a call from my cousin, Toni, this morning. Father passed away today at approximately 3:30 in the morning. He was just shy of 80 years old. He has been... "battling" sounds wrong, in reference to him, so I'll say dealing with lung cancer for about a year. For the full saga, you can see this thread: BS: CapriUni's dad in hospital. I have no brothers or sisters; my mother died 15 years ago, and my cousins are scattered to the four winds. So, really, he was the last close family I had, and it now falls to my lot to build a new family for myself. He was not a Mudcatter, nor, really, much of a lurker (he never developed the habit of websurfing), though he did enjoy hearing of musical tidbits I'd relate to him from this forum. When he was a young man in the navy, he went through an artic wilderness survival course, and during the portion of the course when he was alone for several days, he came to the realization that the only thing he'd really miss of human civilization, if he ended up being the last person on Earth, was music. He loved dixieland jazz, and classical, and Odetta, and the better advertizing jingles. I've been preparing myself for this day since he was diagnosed with cancer, back in January, so this news has not hit me like the body blow my mother's death did. But I'm still working out his life story in my head (after the signing of the legal papers, and all, I guess the next job I'll have to turn my mind to is writing his obituary for the local papers). It's a bit of a puzzle, since nearly all the people, besides him, that could help me pin down the details are also dead (he was the youngest of seven). Sigh. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: John MacKenzie Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:58 PM Oh Ann I'm so sorry to hear this news, I know you were expecting it, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. He's out of this life's troubles and cares now, so all you must do is cherish your memories of him. Love and a big hug Giok |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:05 PM Thanks, Giok. It's felt and appreciated. I'm probably going to be writing quite a bit about him, and our relationship, for a while now. There's a lot to think and wonder about. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Megan L Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:05 PM Ann we are thinking of you at this time. There is so much could be said and so much of it would mean little so i will second what Giok said. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: fat B****rd Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:11 PM Please accept my condolences and kindest regards. Charlie. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: jacqui.c Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:13 PM Ann, I'm so sorry love. He sounded like an incredible man. Please take care of yourself and remember that your Mudcat family are here when you need us. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: frogprince Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:17 PM It has to be just that much harder, not having a circle of family to hold to in this time. Would that those of us "here" could offer more than mere words. Many of us have felt the loss of a beloved parent, especially the last parent, and to that degree we do understand. Peace and strength to you. Dean. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Wesley S Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:18 PM My condolences as well. A sad day I'm sure. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Rasener Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:24 PM Ann Strength to you in the coming days. Les |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Ebbie Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:30 PM In this country we don't have peerages, as such, but we definitely DO leave legacies. I'm glad for you that you are inheriting noble-ness. {{{{hug}}}} |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:32 PM Thank you, all. It doesn't sound like much, but just put an exponant of ten above that "thank you," and multiply it. I really should get offline, now, in case my cousin tries to reach me. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: katlaughing Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:45 PM Oh, Ann, you have my love and support and condolences a'plenty. Your parents raised an incredible daughter and I know part of them lives on in you and part of them is there with you, always. From what you have told me, there is plenty of material there for you to write and I hope you will share as much with us as you are comfortbale doing. Your voice is strong and whatever you write about is of great interest. Still and all, it's an awful feeling to be an adult suddenly "orphaned." It's been almost two years to the day since my dad left this realm and almost seven since my mom left, too. Memories help us and friends...we are here as much as possible, so lean a little, okay?;-) luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: ranger1 Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:51 PM I'm so sorry. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Sorcha Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:58 PM Ann dear, not much I can add to what has been said. Cherish your memories. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: SINSULL Date: 20 Nov 06 - 04:19 PM I am sorry, Ann. Losing a parent is both sad and frightening, a ral reminder of our own immortality. I hope you will write more about your father when you are ready. Meantime, allow yourself to grieve and know that you have a n extended family here. Mary |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Amos Date: 20 Nov 06 - 04:26 PM Ann: This is a life-changing passage, no mistake. Hugs and encouragement. A |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: open mike Date: 20 Nov 06 - 04:46 PM My heart goes out to you... as an only child, too, I can relate to the orphaned feeling you may be experiencing. You have a great command with the language and i wish you luck with the composition of an obit/eulagy for your dad. Treasure your memories. sometimes my cousins are like siblings to me. Perhaps this will bring you closer to them. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: My guru always said Date: 20 Nov 06 - 04:46 PM So sorry to hear of this sad news, sending positive thoughts to you and yours, Hil |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Peter Kasin Date: 20 Nov 06 - 05:14 PM My condolences, CapriUni. Chanteyranger |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: artbrooks Date: 20 Nov 06 - 05:47 PM Ann, I am so very sorry. It sounds as though you have many good memories to treasure, and to pull out when the loneliness begins to get to you. I wish we were closer. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Tig Date: 20 Nov 06 - 06:02 PM Hang on in there kid - the hurt will never totally go away but it will ease over time. Write down the good times to read when you hit a dark patch. Remember we are here if you need anybody. Lots of love and BIG hugs Tig xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Alba Date: 20 Nov 06 - 07:56 PM Dearest Ann I am holding You in my Heart tonight. I am so sad to hear that your wonderful Father has passed away. So sad. The world has lost a unique Human Being with Lincoln's passing. Sending You and Lincoln my Love. Jude |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Gorgeous Gary Date: 20 Nov 06 - 09:08 PM **hugs** and deepest condolences -- Gary |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: wysiwyg Date: 20 Nov 06 - 09:24 PM Oh sweetie. [long pause, tasting your hurt] Oh sweetie. We love you. Stay close! ~Susan |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Elmer Fudd Date: 20 Nov 06 - 09:25 PM Sorry for your loss, CapriUni. Elmer. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Maryrrf Date: 20 Nov 06 - 09:45 PM I am so sorry to hear this, CapriUni. Condolences. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Janie Date: 20 Nov 06 - 09:57 PM I'm so sorry to hear this. Blessings and peace be with you. Janie |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Nov 06 - 10:42 PM Even in the knowing of it's coming, it is never easy to cope with death. It pretty well sucks. There are only so many comforting and sensitive things that can be said and those who have posted here before me have said them well. You are well loved here Ann......but you knew that didn't you? You do us honor by sharing even the worst moments of your life with us. The very least we can return is our love and empathy. Bless you C-U.....We love you. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: LilyFestre Date: 20 Nov 06 - 11:37 PM ((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))) Michelle |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Leadfingers Date: 21 Nov 06 - 05:35 AM All Sympathy Ann . |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Jeri Date: 21 Nov 06 - 06:52 AM You have my condolences, Ann. I'm also one with scattered cousins and no other family left, so I understand that, and I'm very familiar with having nobody left to ask. Just realize how well loved you are by friends. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 21 Nov 06 - 06:54 AM Sending love and prayers and hugs and warm, caring thoughts to you, my dear. Allison |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Big Mick Date: 21 Nov 06 - 07:27 AM I am sitting here reading this thread, and just wanting to reach out and hug you, dear Ann. In the five or so years you have been here, you have been a wonderful member of our internet family, and one of the folks that I have always wanted to meet. My heart goes out to you in this hour of loss. It comes down to you to give his life meaning. You are up to it, Ann. Not only in things as sad as an obituary. I hope you search out cousins and tell them about their family, and what you know of them. We all have a legacy, the only question is will it get lost. And that is up to those that come after us. You have people all over the world right this minute who are with you in your grief and your uncertainty. We truly do care. Mick |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: GUEST,Partridge Date: 21 Nov 06 - 08:00 AM Just lost my Dad about a year ago, its strange being an orphan. You do have the love and support from all of us here at mudcat. Thinking of you and wishing you lots of happy memories of your Dad. love and a big hug Pat xxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Jeanie Date: 21 Nov 06 - 11:57 AM Thinking of you and sending love. - jeanie |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 21 Nov 06 - 12:53 PM Hermes, ancient god of trickery and inspiration (and thievery, lies, and democracy) was also the guide for the souls of the dead. And surely, there has been a good bit of the absurd and the silly mixed in with the stress of this time, as evidenced by this fragment of a conversation between my cousin Toni and me on Sunday: Toni says to me: "Did I tell you about the religion thing?" Me: I don't think so... Toni: Well the nurse asked me if he wanted a spiritual counselor, and said: "Well, he's Roman Catholic. Right?" Me: (full facepalm, at this point) Where the hell did they get that idea? Maybe because he has an Irish-looking last name, or something? Toni: I don't know... Maybe! I told her he was as far from the Roman Catholic end of the spectrum as you could get... I said he was raised Quaker, but he's not religious, now.... Me: Maybe you should have told her to find a Priestest of Isis... or maybe a quantum physisist, to talk about quarks, and bosons and fermeons. Toni: (laughing) I know! I told her he'd probably be polite, and talk with the counselor, if she came into the room, or something, but he would not apreciate a priest, flinging that holy water around. Me: What did the nurse say when you said he was Quaker? Toni: She didn't even know what that was! Me (more facepalming) How could she not even know the word? She might have at least thought he wanted a bowl of oatmeal, or something... As evidence of my dad's spiritual leanings, our cousin out in California sent these words of condolence, this morning (without knowing of my conversation with Toni): the bosons will continue farkling à la Magill for a long time. I can't help but giggle at what that nurse might think if someone had come to Father's bedside, and started talking about "farkling bosons," if "Quaker" was met with a blank stare... Meanwhile, I received the papers to sign from the funeral home for Dad's cremation, this morning. No return envelope; they want the papers taken down to the local Kinkos and faxed, with the originals mailed back via Fed Ex. It would be so much easier if I could drive, or had a fax machine (or if they had included a return overnight envelope). But as it is, I will have to wait for my aide to get here, after 4. I need the signature of a witness, anyway... What do people do who are truly alone? It's a headscratcher. In the meantime, to keep in the musical spirit of this place, may I invite you to sing a chorus or two of: Doctor Price? |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Rapparee Date: 21 Nov 06 - 01:05 PM Sorry to hear it, but he'll still be around. He's part of you and all of us. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 21 Nov 06 - 01:22 PM Thanks, Rapaire. And you're right. In keeping with the quantum nature of his spiritual leanings: Now, he's just more of a wave than a particle. (Can I just say that the phrase: "the loss of your father" struck me a particularly odd, when I read the cover letter from the funeral home? I know it's a common phrase, but it makes me think of things that accidently slipped down the storm drain, or got sorted into the wrong bin at the post office... He didn't get lost, he just finished with the business of living.) |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: alanabit Date: 21 Nov 06 - 01:58 PM My condolonces. Like everyone else here, I wish there was something I could say or do to make it easier. Stick around. We like you here. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Paul from Hull Date: 21 Nov 06 - 02:44 PM Commiserations CapriUni....though you seem to be handling things very well! |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 21 Nov 06 - 05:41 PM you seem to be handling things very well Others have told me that, too. But I think it's still too early to tell. I'll know, a year or two from now, maybe. It took about two years after my mother's death for my life to feel "normal" again. Though looking back, I think my 'normal' of today is a lot smaller and sadder than when my mother was alive. The question I'm wondering about now is whether I will be able to take this experience and grow from it, or become smaller, still, a few years down the road. And I really cannot predict the answer from here. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Megan L Date: 21 Nov 06 - 06:32 PM This was written by my father and read at both my mothers funeral and his own THE FRAGRANT MEMORY 'Twas only a lovely memory That's followed me down through the years It's been both a friend and companion So near me when trouble appears It softens my judgement of others It mellows the thoughts in my mind 'Twas only a fragrant memory Yet a treasure in life I find |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Linda Goodman Zebooker Date: 21 Nov 06 - 06:59 PM My condolences. I think that in the next years you may find recollections will grab you in an unexpected way, sometimes. But the memories will be sweet ones, and will comfort you and allow you to honor your parents in those moments. --Linda |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: JennyO Date: 21 Nov 06 - 08:55 PM So sorry to hear about your dad, CapriUni. I was going to say that I think writing will be a great healing tool for you, but I see you have already started using it. Well done! And as you go through this grieving process, use us, your extended Mudcat family, as much as you need to, to work your way through it. Sending some hugs and warm (actually hot) energy from Oz to you! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CapriUni}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Jenny |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Megan L Date: 22 Nov 06 - 05:20 AM Lass I ken our backgrounds are different but i wrote this for a friend it kinda summed up how i felt at the time. WAITING Lord I am waiting for the end. I watch the candle flicker and dip Then flare again Yet I know it will be extinguished She is assured, Awaits with anticipation The breath of wind That will free her from this life. But her going will leave me in darkness. Hold me Lord Don't let the darkness Of my loss suffocate me. Weep with me Lord As you wept with Martha and Mary Knowing the truth of eternal life Yet sharing their sorrow of today Show me Lord The pictures of our past That I may remember the precious time You gave us and give thanks. For had you not given me her candle From which to light my own. I would have walked in darkness. When I stop weeping Help me see That she has left me the flame That in my turn I may pass your light on to others. Margaret HT Barclay_Laughton You now hold his flame hold it gently and let it warm you |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 22 Nov 06 - 10:16 AM Thank you, Linda and Jenny for your kind words. They mean a lot. And Megan, both of those poems are lovely. Thank you for sharing them. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 01 Dec 06 - 04:29 PM So -- here's the "official" obituary composed by my cousin Toni and me; mostly it was written by her, and I corrected some things. I wish I could remeber the years he worked at Eastern, served in Greenland (and the name of his ship), and graduated from Rochester. I had to ask Toni who the nine nieces and nephews were, and in the process, I learned some more about the running fueds between the siblings that would have contributed to the reasons why I'd never met them, or couldn't remember them. :::Sigh::: Humsns are such bundles of contradictions, aren't they? Lincoln Clark Magill, 79, passed away on Monday, November 20, 2006 at White Plains Hospital Center. Lincoln was a graduate of the University of Rochester, where he majored in optics. He served in the Coast Guard, serving in Greenland aboard an ice cutter. After retiring from his position of captain for Eastern Airlines in 1987, Lincoln remained active in the local community, volunteering for the Putnam County Cooperative Extension, as well as serving on the Board of Poughkeepsie Day School, during their critical transition to their Kenyon House campus. He lived a life of peace and serenity on his 27 acres of woodland in Putnam County, New York. His love of life and all living creatures created a special quality in him that attracted every person who met him. He is survived by his daughter, Ann, and nine nieces and nephews. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Megan L Date: 01 Dec 06 - 04:44 PM That sounds nice Ann yep theres nowt as queer as fowks |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Wesley S Date: 01 Dec 06 - 04:49 PM Yup - Sounds like a typical family to me. Ours won't make it on Jerry Springer anytime soon - but that doesn't mean we're not an odd bunch. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 01 Dec 06 - 06:15 PM Of all the things I'm inheriting from my father, I definitely think that the shifting relationship with my other family members will require the most delicate handling of them all. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Genie Date: 01 Dec 06 - 09:30 PM Yeah, as others have said, losing a parent is hard, on so many levels, even when they are aged and in poor health. My condolences and support go out to you, Ann. Very nice obit you wrote, too. Good luck handling those shifting relationship with the rest of the family. Megan, that poem is wonderful. Genie |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 01 Dec 06 - 10:13 PM losing a parent is hard, on so many levels, even when they are aged and in poor health. Well, what's rather shocking about this was that he was neither aged nor in poor health. Just about two months before Dad's tumor was discovered, his GP assured him that he could live another twenty years. His mother had lived to be 93, after all. If he hadn't fallen off that step ladder and broken his knee, he probably wouldn't have lived as long as he did. So -- life is full of ironic surprises. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: Genie Date: 01 Dec 06 - 11:05 PM Sorry if I misunderstood, Ann. Being near "retirement age" myself, I certainly appreciate that "just shy of 80" is not as "old" as it once was. But I had understood that had finally succumbed to the lung cancer. My fault for not reading everything, including the earlier threads, as carefully as I might have. At one time I expected those in my family all to live to near 100, but reality has since opened my eyes, And I don't think it's easy to lose those who are dear to you, no matter how young or old or what the surrounding circumstances. Life is surprising, and ironic, isn't it? Words are probably not much condolence - unless they're as beautifully crafted as Megan's. Somehow I feel that your dad's love of music will find its way into your own beautiful songs. G |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: katlaughing Date: 02 Dec 06 - 12:53 AM He lived a life of peace and serenity on his 27 acres of woodland in Putnam County, New York. Couldn't ask for more than that, Ann. Beautifully written. luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 02 Dec 06 - 01:53 AM Actually, that was mostly my cousin's line. And actually, those 27 acres of land were more beautiful than any line a human could compose. We'll have to sell that land now, as I can't live there (which is why I moved to Virginia, ten years ago). I'm really hoping to sell it to the neighbors, who've lived on the adjoining lot of woodland for nearly as long, especially since they went above and beyond this last year helping my father and me out. At least they appreciate its beauty as much as we did. And I dread selling it to some random developer who might be tempted to break it into smaller lots (and carve it up with access roads). Frankly, the loss of that place as even a temporary "home base," when I'd go up to visit, hurts just as much as losing my father, as that spot of woodland was where I truly developed my sense of myself and the universe around me, even if it does go into the good hands of our neighbors. Coming back here, after the memorial (Toni and I are thinking early spring, for that, when the daffodils Mother planted will be blooming) will be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: katlaughing Date: 02 Dec 06 - 06:24 AM Oh, Ann. It sounds so beautiful. I cannot imagine what a loss that will be. The neighbours sound like good people, but it's still going to be hard. I still grieve for the big old Victorian house I "came of age" in and the eight acres I roamed with my dog and horse.I was so mad at mom and dad, for so long, for getting divorced and selling it. Every inch of that property had deep meaning for me. {{{{{{{ANN}}}}}}}}} luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: gnu Date: 02 Dec 06 - 03:56 PM Oh my. I just saw this. Thoughts and prayers. |
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Subject: RE: Obit: CapriUni's Father, Lincoln From: CapriUni Date: 02 Dec 06 - 04:17 PM Thanks, gnu. |
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