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BS: How do you deal with false accusations?
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Subject: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:08 AM I just got accused by my partner for cheating on them. I have never given them any reason to mistrust me. I have never cheated on a partner ever. Now suddenly I am being accused to be cheating on them with a happily married woman in another country, who is just a friend I have had since before I met my partner. Today my partner went to a boared and saw a title under my name saying so and sos pet american. That title was there before I met my partner as well. Now my love is a bit on the insecure side, due to a past relationship where the bastard just gave her hell including cheating on her and then telling her what he did with the other woman. The thing is like I said I have never given her a reason to doubt me. This is very unfair and it hurts and pisses me off. I just do not know what to do. How do I make her understand that there was nothing going on? How do I make her understand that there is no other woman for me but her? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: LadyJean Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:15 AM She may have other issues, that she doesn't want to deal with, so she's accusing you of cheating. It's not that hard to get women to communicate. I don't suppose you're going to say, "I know you're not really jealous dear. I'd like to know what's really bothering you." But you might try, "Are you having a problem at work dear?" Or a similar query. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Clinton Hammond Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:15 AM You can't MAKE someone anything... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: catspaw49 Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:18 AM Beats me. Someone is pretty insecure in your relationship. As a notorious cheating acquaintance of mine used to say (a line which I appropriated for different usages), "Lie, Deny, and Make Counter Allegations." I think he and his wife both were completely screwed up, but in George's case, he also stayed completely screwed with regularity. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 30 Jul 03 - 07:12 AM This could be a music thread. A thousand country songs with more or less this story. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Amos Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:47 AM Send her/him a copy of this thread. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:05 AM Man...people are ALWAYS accusin me of things! Only trouble is...most of those things are TRUE! Like maybe 98% of em. But I deny, deny, deny. I make up stories on the spot. I try to blame it on my brother (the idiiot). I act innnocent and surprised. Whatever works eh? But in your case you ARE innocent...so...lemme think. Okay, I got it. If I was flippin innnocent, man, I would just laugh right in their face! Seriously. But girls don't like to be laughed at. Um...geez... You got yourself a real problem there, buddy. Flipped if I know. It would almost be better if you DID cheat on her to my way of thinkin. Call me insensitive but it sounds like she kind of deserves it anyway. A seriously jealous girl is like a cactus...she might look okay from a distance but shes not nice to get close to for too flippin long. BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Janie Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:41 AM Cardinal rule--don't take ownership of some one else's problem. When I found myself in a similar position to yours, I very consistently stuck to this, saying something like "I am sorry you are so upset and that you had a bad prior experience. I understand that can make it difficult for you to trust at times. However, I am not your ex, I have never acted like your ex, and I feel hurt and angry that you are projecting your past experience onto me, especially since I have never done or said anything to warrant your mistrust. This is your issue to deal with, not mine." It wasn't always easy to stick to this position, but I did. Eventually my partner quit trying to hold me responsible for his problem with jealous, worked through it, and it hasn't been an issue between now for 15 years or more. Good luck with this. Janie |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Bobert Date: 30 Jul 03 - 01:08 PM Hey, write a letter to Doctor Phil about your partners accusations and ask to be on his show. Leave the letter somewhere that you partner will see it and hopefully read it. If she know anything about going on Doctor Phil's show, she'll quickly realize that you wouldn't be willing to go on the show if you were guilty. My wife, P-Vine, likes to make piles of stuff and occasionally when they become too bothersome, I use the Doctor Phil letter. Works like a charm for a month or two... Good luck... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 01:13 PM roflmao... I think its hilarious ... the original poster should just not talk to that women again and leave her in peace coz I know she hates his guts... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 01:16 PM It might help if you quit referring to your 'partner' as 'them'. |
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Subject: Lyr Add: COLD COLD HEART (Hank Williams) From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 30 Jul 03 - 02:27 PM I tried so hard, my dear, to show that you're my every dream Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme, A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart. Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart? Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue And so my heart is paying now for things I didn't do, In anger unkind words are said that make the teardrops start. Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart? You'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and cry, You know you need and want my love yet you're afraid to try, Why do you run and hide from life? To try it just ain't smart. Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart? There was a time when I believed that you belonged to me, But now I know your heart is shackled to a memory, The more I learn to care for you, the more we drift apart. Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart? Hank Williams |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 03:16 PM The GUEST (orignal poster) is not innocent... He has lied to me... he HAS broken my trust AND he has hurt me.. So he is being unfair to tell u people a lie.. or not the full truth which is good as a lie. Fair enough I have issues and I have tried to deal with them as far as trusting men.. but they KEEP breaking them... even he knows this is true.. coz he apologised for breaking my trust. It doesnt make it right and I cant forgive him for the trust he has broken. However, I have given him the option to try and be friends but he being selfish and one tracked mind ... saying I want I want the whole thing.. too bad what I want. If he truly cared he would at least accept the friendship... and maybe a few months down the track see if anything can be salvaged from this... but no... its all about him Sorry this is a waste of time,... because he doesnt care to listen to what I tell him ... he just wants it all his way ... well he should of thought about that when he was making the lie... he has had plenty of opportunities to come forth with the truth before now ... he even told me it was bugging him... so he was concious of it... but kept the lie up for many months ... even after the other day we talking about honesty and all.. I just can not believe it... he has no respect for me what so ever.... well I do... that is why I want to make the break from this relationship. PS.... (McGrath of Harlow) Hank Williams that song is gorgeous.. love it... have a nice day :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST,original poster Date: 30 Jul 03 - 03:33 PM Yes I did lie that ONE time. I never hit on your friend and when she said I did I just apologised. Like I keep saying I truly believed you and her had a great friendship and did not wish to get between you two. Rememeber I am the one who always ddefended her to you, inspite of her coolness to me. Hindsight is perfect vision and now I wish I never apologised or perpetuated that lie and told the truth about it in from the beginning. How was I to know that she was nothing but a conniving backstabbing bitch? Not til later. Also at that time there was a big blue going on and I was just tired of the bickering. You now say you have lost all trust in me because of that. I would have thought you would be glad that the flirting never occurred, but no, you wish to focus on a lie that happened almost a year ago. One of my fondest dreams ever was to grow old with you, to watch our children grow up and get married to have wee ones of their own, to watch our grandchildren play together. With your love I was complete. I was truly happy for the first time my mind could recall. No one ever made me feel the way you do. No one. For the first relationship ever I saw myself growing old with you and raising a family with you. For the first time, I had actually found some one that I clicked so easily with. I love you. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 03:43 PM I think Janey gave some very good advice. Could you introduce your lady to your friend? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 03:44 PM sounds like the two of you need to have a long face to face talk |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 03:44 PM I appreciated that last post original poster. Although one important factor you seem to overlook that exfriend and me have not been friends for many months now and you have had that time to look but... u knew what u did was wrong.. yet u held the truth ... when it wasnt going to have any outcome on the friendship with this exfriend... u still with held the truth from me when it was bugging you. Why did it take so long for you to come clean ?? and DONT YOU DAMN WELL DARE tell me I should be grateful you didnt flirt.. because you have done it before and its not something I should be thanking you for.. I EXPECT IT. Stop making excuses and dont blame the exfriend for YOUR mistake here.. I am not concerned with her.. the issue here is YOUR lie. I very much doubt original poster we have an involved relationship ahead of us but if you accept friendship who knows... lets take it from there ... I am giving you that choice.... its up to you what you do with it. Take Care. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST,original poster Date: 30 Jul 03 - 03:50 PM If that lie was not much of an issue with you all these months past, why is it an issue with you now? As for the flirting I have that ONE time and I promised I never would again, when i found out how much it upset you, and I have kept that promise. As for that choice I gave my answer to you and it stands, even as I sit here with tears on my cheeks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 03:54 PM becoz it is an issue of honesty... something that has always been important to me... without honesty, trust is lacking and I need to be able to trust a partner.. I am very suprised u ask this question.. how would you like if I did this to you ?? ... thanks on the friendship :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 03:57 PM I do have one question... how come you dont introduce me to your friends??? When you have met ALL mine?? (online at least) |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST,original poster Date: 30 Jul 03 - 04:02 PM I would not like it much, honestly. Though I would consider why it was done and then would have gone on from there, with forgiveness. Remember that time when you told me you told your parents about us? When in fact you actually did not? I was really hurt over that. But I forgave and moved on and trusted you. Can you not do the same here? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 04:15 PM No, I dont think I can to be honest... but I will try as far as friendship is concerned for the sake of what we HAD. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Megan L Date: 30 Jul 03 - 05:14 PM What you both need is a granny to skelp yer erse an dunt yer hieds thigither till ye behave mair like grown ups than a pair of ill nebbit bairns |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST Date: 30 Jul 03 - 05:19 PM and what would u know Megan ... ur not involved we have a right to our feelings whatever they are... just coz we dont see eye to eye doesnt mean we need to act more like grownups.. grownups have more to worry about than children generally therefore this stuff happens more. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: SINSULL Date: 30 Jul 03 - 05:39 PM hee hee hee Who's on first? Yes. What's the name of the guy on second? Right. I don't know...Third base! |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 30 Jul 03 - 06:05 PM Is this real or an online psycho-drama? |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Amos Date: 30 Jul 03 - 06:48 PM I suggest that you get honest enough with each other to reveal your own names. That would be a start, eh?. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: smallpiper Date: 30 Jul 03 - 06:58 PM STOP! Do this in private and face to face or go see a relationship counsellor together. This is not going to help you in the long run. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Janie Date: 30 Jul 03 - 07:03 PM Ya know, as I was typing my "sage" advice" above, I was wondering if I was one of those suckers born every minute. Yep, I sure got sucked in. Eh Amos--I'm thinking they are both confused and got this thread confused with the bad writing contest!!! J. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Cluin Date: 30 Jul 03 - 07:10 PM Ah, go have yer make-up sex already. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 30 Jul 03 - 07:53 PM Of copurse they could be total strangers posting to each other under a misapprehension. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Bobert Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:50 PM Danged! This is more confusin' than a French menu... You all need to get a life... This is absolutely rediculous airing yer dirty laundry here in the Catbox. Might of fact, the thought of some 12 year old, whoes got into the joint, is both parties... Anyone else get that feeling? Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Amos Date: 30 Jul 03 - 09:06 PM I think it is one person having an intense conversation with herself... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Bobert Date: 30 Jul 03 - 09:15 PM Man, glad I don't have that harmonal thing messin' with me, Amos. That stuff is certifiable... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:23 PM Man, it's getting like Twillingsgate around here... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: JennyO Date: 31 Jul 03 - 05:56 AM I'd say a definite case of Multiple Personality Disorder. C'mon, take yer meds and give yerself a hug. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST,Jeanie From Australia Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:46 PM No it IS two people and it is real. Original Poster is - Amergin and the other is Jeanie from Sydney Australia. I wouldnt of posted here about this if Nathan hadnt in the first place... I just wanted to have my side of the story here too. I dont need a counsellor because I know what I want. I agree... this is private stuff and shouldnt be brought here... I guess Nathan was looking for some advice from his friends here... *shrugs* but this post wasnt to fool anyone... Nathan chose to remain anonymous so I respected that. Thanks Jeanie. |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: smallpiper Date: 31 Jul 03 - 01:49 PM until now that is! |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: GUEST,Jeanie in Australia Date: 31 Jul 03 - 02:21 PM yeah true ... I wanted everyone to know who was who. Amergin was also the person that made the thread about the money issue about me helping him pay off his bills.. I tried in that relationship .. I just wanted to be with him and I wanted a honest relationship .. I have caught him out lying a few times... If he going to ask his friends for advice.. he should have the guts to tell them who he is.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: How do you deal with false accusations? From: Amergin Date: 31 Jul 03 - 03:17 PM You didn't try....when you got upset at me you would go run off and hide and break things off...then i would follow you like a puppy dog and try to sort things out...every time...you would get just the slightest hint that the possibity may arise that you would get hurt and you would run off with your fucking tail between your legs...while it was ALWAYS me who was trying to get things sorted like normal couples do. Like that time when some one told me something confidential and then i metnioned i was worried aobut some one but could not say who..you threw a fucking tantrum and broke things off, though I tried over and over to explain that I could not say who or what. Then there is the time, when I had to buy medicine instead of posting your valentines thing, you threw a fucking tantrum then...So in order to appease you I went without my meds to send that parcel to you. You want a perfect relationship where everything is perfect..fine that is understandable...but it is not likely to EVER happen...because (this may be news to you dear) no one is bloody perfect. We all have flaws I know I have them and you do as well...Your flaws I have always accepted as being part of you...the part that is perfect more than compensated for those flaws. As for catching me out ina few lies...that is bullshit I fibbed to you once...and that reason is explained above I truly believed I was protecting something important to you...your friendship with that woman...and our partnership.... You say you wish to be friends now...but with your actions this morning you say otherwise...how truly fucking embarrassing...I would never do it to you. If you still ever want any sort of relationship with me fine, I'm here...you have my email. joeclones, can we please close this thing? |