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BS: Iraq Go Bragh
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BS: Iraq Go Bragh |
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Subject: Iraq Go Bragh From: GUEST,JohnTM Date: 02 Mar 03 - 05:07 PM Irish slant on the war crisis Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you. "Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back. "Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners. |
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Subject: RE: Iraq Go Bragh From: gnu Date: 02 Mar 03 - 05:11 PM A 75 year-old man goes to his doctor for a check-up. Doctor: "You're doing fairly well for your age." Patient: "You think I'll live to be 80?" Doctor: "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?" Patient: "No, I've never done either." Doctor: "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" Patient: "No, red meat is unhealthy!" Doctor: "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, such as playing golf?" Patient: "No, I don't." Doctor: "Do you gamble, drive fast cars or fool around with sexy women?" Patient: "No, never!" Doctor: "Then why in hell do you want to live to be 80?" |
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Subject: RE: Iraq Go Bragh From: boglion Date: 02 Mar 03 - 06:35 PM Excellent stuff! So the war's off then? |
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Subject: RE: Iraq Go Bragh From: Malcolm Douglas Date: 02 Mar 03 - 06:39 PM See also these two previous, identical postings of the story: BS: God Bless The Irish BS: Saadam Hussein: You're On Notice |
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Subject: RE: Iraq Go Bragh From: Cluin Date: 02 Mar 03 - 06:53 PM I got the same joke in my e-mail a couple of weeks ago, but in that one it was Newfoundlanders declaring war on Iraq. I wonder what the original was? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Iraq Go Bragh From: GUEST,misophist Date: 03 Mar 03 - 01:48 AM I got months ago and it was Irish. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Iraq Go Bragh From: gnu Date: 03 Mar 03 - 04:42 AM Irish ? Okay... The wise old Mother Superior from the convent in Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then, one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. She returned to the Mother Superior's bed and held the glass to her pale, bloodless lips. Mother took a little sip, then a little more. Before they knew it, she'd drank the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nun asked in earnest, "Please give us a word of wisdom before you leave us to go to your well-deserved reward." The stricken Mother painfully raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow!" |