troll

Hang in there,
Frank

-Eric The Viking-

It's the most overused phrase, but it's true: "time heals"

Look after yourself

Some things that also help survive: noticing times in the past and times in the future (that you are fairly certain of) can unstick you. Focus on being there and breathing without resistance, trying to get a little better at it each time.

Do things somewhere different that you can enjoy or at least get involved in.

Practicing putting your attention on her intentionally, and then taking it off her intentionally -- even iof only for a few seconds.

There _will_ be more laughter in your life. Amergin. I promise.

A

Another Train

The beginning is now,
it will always be.
You say you lost your chance,
then fate brought you defeat.
But that means nothing,
you look so sad.
You've been listening to those,
who say you missed your chance.

There's another train,
there always is.
Maybe the next, one is yours,
get up and climb aboard,
another train.

You may feel your done,
but there's no such thing.
Although your standing on your own,
your own breath is king.
The beginning is now,
don't turn around.
for regrets about mistakes,
they will only drain.

We crawl in the dark sometimes,
we think too much.
We fill our heads with the craziest things,
that only break our hearts.
I know you've seen,
what this earth can do.
When it's dragging down another load,
that's worrysome for you.

I know it's hard,
we can feel confused.
We can cram ourselves with it all,
'til we feel we cannot move.
Building worlds,
that don't exist.
Imagination sometimes plays,
the worst tricks.

There's another train,
there always is.
Maybe the next, one is yours,
get up and climb aboard.

There's another train,
there always is,
Maybe the next, one is yours,
get up and climb aboard,
another train.

Lyrics and tune: Pete Morton

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I'm going to give you something that a dear friend of mine gave me one time when I was going through something similar to that. It's from my late friend, LR Mole, (who seems to be on my mind today).

No one does any of this well, you know...Look, if everything teaches us anything, it's that what we think of as hope and the future is really an ever-changing present: the part we're around for. Even music demands one more measure, and then there's always one more echo. But of course it's painful as hell. That's how you know it's your story and not someone else's. One foot, other foot, and don't stop breathing.

--LR Mole

As you can see from the posts in response to your plea, you're in good company when it comes to heartbreak . . . myself included, definitely.

Yes, it hurts; but, it will get better. Here's a great big hug for you, and some advice that's really helped me to get over those big bad breakup bumps -- 'Forgive to forget'. Seems too easy and cliché at first, but in a few days/weeks/months, give it a good think. You will move on, but moving forward is even better. You can do it, and become an even better person for all the trouble and pain you're going through now.

And if you ever want to talk, you know where I am -- and where all your Mudcat friends are -- and we're here for you.

One day at a time, dear friend - Áine

But, here's something I did not see in the other responses...if you are in too much pain to deal with the thought of "friends" right now, consider saying something like this:

"I'll be your friend when I am ready and get past the hurt."

You are under no obligation to instantly go from lovers to friends. Allow yourself time to heal, then take another look at it.

Hang tough buddy.

Rick

Sorry. Don't be afraid to mourn; don't hold back; it is a healthy emotion that will help you immeasurably. You are a nice guy. Believe it.

Ellen

Small comfort when you feel like you are fresh dead, I know. But it will come to pass, buddy. It will come to pass.

A

Just checking back in to see if you've checked in again, Amergin. Glad to see you have.

Hang in there...

A marrage........and three conceptions later....they are till best "friends."

Sincerely
Gargoyle

Hang in there. It sucks to miss someone in your life at the closeness that you wanted them, and that you thought you had. But know that there are people here who care. And know that if you aren't right for her as a lover, it's because there IS someone better for you out there. It has to be totally right for both people to be totally right. And totally right is what you deserve, not half right, not "ok", and especially not one-sided.

I used to think it was only a matter of two people deciding to stick it out together with caring. I have since discovered that there's a LOT more to it. You need shared goals, shared dreams, much caring and laughter... but above all, there HAS to be that spark. You really have to light each other's fire, or it is just friendship, if even a deep friendship.

If she did that for you, and you didn't do that for her, then I am really sad with you. (And I still miss that closeness with my ex-bf though we kinda went different ways and even though I was innocently falling in love with someone else even while I was going out with him!)

But believe me, you want a relationship where that goes BOTH ways. If it's not with her, it's not with her, and that means there's something even better than you ever dreamed of, just for you. Concentrate on what you want in a relationship, not who you want it with.

Now go have a good cry, and then start building your life again - for yourself this time. And know that we're all rootin' for ya.

Good luck.

BJ

A

If you're not ready to give up the race, then take this opportunity to renew your efforts. Maybe she'll have a change of heart when she sees what a great guy you are compared to the competition. Stranger things have happened.

If it's true love, and the "let's be friends" ploy is not just a ruse, you'll be thankful that at least you get some contact. Better than being cut off cold turkey.

When she left, she took part of you with her - a part that you can't ever get back. The hole she left can't be filled - maybe it can be patched. But for now, drive around it, and use it to reroute your inner highway.

Erect a sign where the hole is, "something along the lines of "this is where my car fell in," with an arrow pointing to it, and pay homage to it as often as you feel necessary. Look at it as an opportunity to demonstrate your ability to overcome obstacles.

Draw some inspiration from it and use it to create something artistic - like a song, or a painting, or a poem, whatever. Pain is a great motivator; just listen to the blues. What don't kill you only makes you stronger...not to reduce your feelings to a platitude, but it's true.

It usually does stop hurting after a while, but you have to treat it like a lost tooth. You know it's going to hurt like hell but you just have to poke your tongue into the hole. One day, you realise it didn't hurt so much and you push a little harder until it hurts again. Then you know how far you can go and where it will stop hurting.

The sorest point is when you try to make the overtures of friendship - a relationship on a different level, but despite saying that is what they want, they block you out. That's the bit that hurts the most.

LTS

She sent me a message the other day listing everything I did wrong...most I already apologised to her.....when I realised I did wrong...those that were wrong though...

some of the things were completely ludicrous...I could not believe it....it was like having another dagger plunged deep into my belly...things like singing in public while we were walking...food fights in restauraunts....playing with my crawdad and talking to it at a fancy place once...and other things like that...

the one truly thing I did wrong I think was putting too much faith into her heartbeat....too much faith in that it was beating in tune with mine....

Try making a list of hers and see how it compares? Don't send it to her though, it won't improve your relationship or your chances of staying friends. When you've done that, make a list of the good things. Then you have to compare the two lists and make a serious choice if this person is actually still worth pursuing a relationship on what ever level with. Sometimes the answer is not what you expect it to be, even if you've had known each other for 10 - 20 years. Sometimes you just have to step back and admit that it's going to be a while.

LTS

I now think I was being unrealistic, and that happiness is something that comes from within, not from a relationship with one other human being, but if someone had said that to me back then it would have meant nothing to me! Absolutely nothing.

All I can say is...I lost her...I lost her again...I lost her again...and again...and again...and I'm still here. So hang in there and believe in yourself.

The things she's accusing you of...well, people say silly things sometimes when they're in a lot of pain and they're not thinking straight. It will pass.

- LH

- LH

In fact at this point it is possible nothing will, except a conversation so honest that it has a really low probability of ever surfacing in the bed of desperate alteration, fractured falsifications and fanciful explaining that has taken the place of honesty.

Given that, walk away with your hands in your pockets and start building a better life for yourself, find your inner strengths and draw on them, lift up your chin and start finding things to grin about.

A

Keep the communications open, as long as possible, if you really do want to remain in a friendly relationship. If it's too hard, then you have the option to walk away knowing you at least tried.

Take care.

LTS

You'll find that 'someone'.....and you'll both know it...right from the get-go.

....and who knows? It might be with someone who ALSO likes to sing in public!

Rick

Ellen