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BS: What would you do?
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Subject: What would you do? From: GUEST,troubled Date: 31 Jan 02 - 03:06 AM Ok, I have a ticket for a show this weekend, Saturday in fact. I bought this ticket months and months ago and have been looking forward to it. Unfortunately, my partner is also coming up this weekend. The very same day. I have only one ticket and I bought it before we got together. It is not general admission or else I would just buy another one. She says to go ahead and go and have fun and everything, but I am not sure if I should. I really want to go to the show as I have been waiting for him to come to town for years. but I am afraid I will hurt her if I will go. I guess I am asking for advice in this matter, though I know the decision rests soley upon my shoulders. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: Rustic Rebel Date: 31 Jan 02 - 03:29 AM I say buy another ticket and when you get in find two seats not taken and enjoy! There is always a way to hear the music if you really want to hear the music. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: GUEST,swirlygirl Date: 31 Jan 02 - 08:51 AM Look if the partner is going to get upset over this then she's not worth it...it's a triviality...stop stressing over something that's utterly unimportant... The things people worry about...sheesh... :) xxx |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: Murray MacLeod Date: 31 Jan 02 - 08:57 AM Go see the show. You'll only have one chance to see the performer but you'll have plenty opportunities to find another woman if she gets pissed off with you .... Murray |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: kendall Date: 31 Jan 02 - 09:04 AM Which will you get more pleasure from? Will that performer be there a week from now? a year? |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: GUEST,okthen Date: 31 Jan 02 - 09:23 AM If you have to ask, the partner can't be that important to you. I would suggest you take your partner to the auditorium, try to buy another ticket, if you can't, sell yours.You will probably get chance to see the performer again but a good partner is not so easily replaced.It depends on what you want, short term gratification or something more meaningful over a longer time span. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: KingBrilliant Date: 31 Jan 02 - 09:31 AM Well you're only talking about a few hours here - and perhaps there might be something she might like to do on her own in those few hours. It sounds like she's more than happy for you to go & enjoy yourself, and I think you should accept that in the spirit it's offered. Sounds like a really good omen for a happy relationship if you don't feel the need to be joined at the hip. Perhaps you could think of something really nice to do on Sunday to show your appreciation of what a great attitude she has. Kris |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: SharonA Date: 31 Jan 02 - 10:02 AM So lemme get this straight: Your partner arranged to come visit you this weekend, knowing beforehand that you had only one ticket for this show, right? I conclude that one of two things is going on: (a) Your partner simply wants to enjoy your company when you're available, and is being honest when she says "go to the show and have fun." Therefore, you should go and have fun. If you can get a ticket for her to join you, do so. If you can't, suggest or arrange something pleasant that she can do on her own, then get together afterward. ...or... (b) Your partner is playing emotional games with you, and thinks erroneously that your choice will tell her whether you are interested in "short term gratification or something more meaningful over a longer time span", as GUEST-okthen says. If you make the choice to drop your plans to do your own thing in order to avoid the possibility of hurting her feelings, be prepared to keep making that choice throughout your relationship because that's what she'll expect. That's what you'll be teaching her to expect! Is your devotion to her strong enough that you won't mind including her in everything you do during your free time (no men's bowling night for the next 50-60 years!)? ...Just out of curiosity, let me ask this: did you invite her to visit, with the understanding that you'd be going to the show alone – if so, see (a) – or did she just tell you she was coming, with a preconceived notion that you'd spend all your time with her without asking if you had other plans (in which case, (b) applies)? |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: kendall Date: 31 Jan 02 - 10:13 AM All good advice, but, "What we have here is a failure to communicate" (Strother Martin in Cool Hand Luke) Talk to your partner, insist on honesty, then do whatever you and your partner feels comfortable with. Communication is always the key. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: M.Ted Date: 31 Jan 02 - 10:38 AM The real question is, why did you invite your partner up on the same night you had concert tickets? Handled properly, the problem wouldn't have come up-- |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: Kim C Date: 31 Jan 02 - 10:48 AM On the one hand, she should respect that you already had these plans, and you should go and have a good time. On the other hand, maybe it's something you'd like to share with her. Are there still tickets available? If there are, then get some and take her with you. I agree with Kendall, though, just talk about it together and reach a decision. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: SharonA Date: 31 Jan 02 - 11:12 AM Another thought for "troubled": You say you've been waiting for years for this performer to come to town. If you blow off this Saturday's concert, it could be years before the performer comes back again. You wouldn't have to wait so long to see your partner again – just until the concert is over! If you put off seeing the performer till "next time", in the meantime he might die of cancer (George Harrison) or in a plane crash (Ricky Nelson and a host of others) or a car crash (Harry Chapin), or he might develop a debilitating disease that would prevent him from performing (Johnny Cash, Naomi Judd)... I say this because I kept putting off going to see Harry Chapin, thinking I'd catch him the next time he came to town... till he ran out of "next times". So I never did see him perform, and I regret it to this day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: Don Firth Date: 31 Jan 02 - 12:03 PM What SharonA says. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: GUEST,troubled Date: 31 Jan 02 - 04:11 PM Thank you all, for taking the time to answer my question. What happened was we were talking about her coming up here instead of me going down there for our next vacation. We had decided on Vday week, but a couple of days later she told me that something came up and she could not take those days off from work. So she got the preceding week off, knowing I had plans that Saturday, though she told me I could go and she could stay back and read, or something. We got the issue settled, but as it got closer and closer I got more and more troubled by it. Oh well. Will decide what to do Saturday. Thanks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: Irish sergeant Date: 31 Jan 02 - 04:22 PM If she's cool with it and it seems to me she is. Go. I would try to get another ticket though, Failing that, after the concert or Sunday take her someplace really nice. Good luck and kindest regards, Neil |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: brid widder Date: 31 Jan 02 - 04:32 PM If you cancel something you really want to do because she's there you might make her feel guilty...she said she wants you to go....go!! if she meant it she'll be glad...if she didn't she'll let you know...then you will have decisions to make! make sure you tell her how glad you are she's there and make the most of the time you are with her. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 31 Jan 02 - 04:32 PM Just so long as if you decide not to go, you don't use it as some kind of bargaining counter. She said it's fine by her if you go. If you decide not to go, that's your decision, and it's because you'd sooner be with her, not because you're doing her some great favour.
Myself I'd probably go. But then I've been married since 1964. I think that's how I'd have acted back then too, which might be one reason we're still married to each other. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: M.Ted Date: 31 Jan 02 - 04:50 PM Doesn't sound like there was a problem anywhere--you've got to think about where the guilt is really coming from, or you'll end up blaming her for keeping you from doing a lot of things when you are really keeping yourself from doing them-- |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: Paul from Hull Date: 31 Jan 02 - 04:53 PM Show her this Thread..... Good luck with the Rel'ship! Looks like youre off to a good start! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: Murray MacLeod Date: 31 Jan 02 - 05:11 PM Why don't you you tell us who the performer is. Then we can let you know if it's going to be worth losing her .... Murray |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: kendall Date: 31 Jan 02 - 07:46 PM Good point Murray! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: GUEST,troubled... Date: 01 Feb 02 - 12:28 AM Well, she says to go ahead, so I guess I will. She says it would be a waste of money otherwise. I suggested buying another ticket. She said no since it was not general admission. So I guess Saturday night I will be watching Tom Paxton playing The Bravest. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: SharonA Date: 01 Feb 02 - 10:42 AM ...as well you should! "Troubled": You were very wise not to tell us in your first post that the ticket in question was for a Tom Paxton concert. If you had, of course, we would all have verbally smacked you upside the head for even entertaining the idea of missing it. You must think an awful lot of this woman to consider blowing off a chance to hear Paxton, just to have more time to visit with her! Enjoy the concert (I know you will!), and enjoy your vacation with your lady friend! Sharon |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: GUEST,swirlygirl Date: 01 Feb 02 - 11:01 AM I love all this "failure to communicate" nonsense... It's a gig not some life-threatening, all-consuming, all-important decisions that could cause chaos in the time-space continuum!! I think people talk far too much these days and some things that are discussd are really not that important in the big scheme of things, and by discussing them, you place more importance on them than they really deserve and thus turn them into issues... I don't want drama in my life...I want a cottage and two kids and some dough to bake... :) xxx |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: SharonA Date: 01 Feb 02 - 11:42 AM Swirlygirl: It seems that the issue for "Troubled" wasn't a failure to communicate with his lady friend, but a faltering of his own confidence that he was doing The Right Thing by her. Troubled said, "We got the issue settled [beforehand], but as [the date of the concert] got closer and closer I got more and more troubled by it." Apparently, he just needed a little reassurance that he wasn't being grossly impolite. So... all you want in life is "a cottage and two kids and some dough to bake..." and no husband? (Well, that would reduce the Drama Factor! LOL!) Sharon |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: M.Ted Date: 01 Feb 02 - 01:16 PM Swirlygirl, I can tell you from experience that two kids will provide more drama in your life than you ever imagined possible-- |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: SharonA Date: 04 Feb 02 - 02:13 PM So, "Troubled", are ya gonna tell us how the concert was, or what? (No hurry... we can wait till your lady friend goes home!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: What would you do? From: GUEST,no longer troubled Date: 05 Feb 02 - 03:49 AM Wow! the show was fantastic! my only complaint is that it could easily have gone on for another five hours....and I would still have found it too short.... He did the Bravest....a set of what he calls the Oklahoma Trilogy....and several other songs...it was wow! Afterwards I got to meet him and shake his hand and have him sign my copy of his songobook.... |