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BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W....
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BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... |
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Subject: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: Justa Picker Date: 02 Jan 02 - 07:07 PM (A friend sent this to me today. I felt compelled to share it.) Musical Terms Misunderstood by Country and Western Musicians Diminished fifth - An empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Perfect Fifth - A full bottle of Jack Daniels. Ritard - There's one in every family. Relative Major - An uncle in the Marine Corps. Relative Minor - A girlfriend. Big Band - When the bar pays enough to bring in two banjo players. Repeat - What you do until they expel you. Treble - Wimmen ain't nothing but. Bass - The things you run around in softball. Portamento - A foreign country you've always wanted to visit. Conductor - The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham. Tempo - Good choice for a used car. A440 - The highway that runs around Nashville. Transpositions - Men who wear dresses. Cut Time - parole. Order of Sharps - What a wimp gets at the bar. Passing tone - Frequently heard near the baked beans at family bar-be-ques Middle C - The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low. Cadenza - That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes. Whole note - What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year. Clef - What you try never to fall off. Bass Clef - Where you wind up if you do fall off. Minor third - Your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling. Melodic third - Loretta Lynn's singing dad. 12 tone scale - The thing the state police weigh your tractor trailer truck with. Quarter Tone - What most standard pick-ups can haul. Sonata - What you get from a bad cold or hay fever. Clarinet - Name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo. Cello - The proper way to answer the phone. Bassoon - Typical response when asked what you hope to catch. French Horn - Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 A.M. Cymbal - What they use on deer crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with. Bossa Nova - The car your foreman drives. Time signature - What you need from your boss when you forget to clock in. First Inversion - Grandpa's battle group at Normandy. Staccato - How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home. Aeolian Mode - How you like Grandma's cherry pie. Bach Chorale - The place behind the barn where you keep the horses. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: Morticia Date: 02 Jan 02 - 07:55 PM you mean a diminished fifth isn't, a bottle of Jack Daniels??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: Dicho (Frank Staplin) Date: 02 Jan 02 - 08:12 PM Tutti - worn by a ballerina Moderato assai- somewhat of an ass Tempo - replacement typist andante piú marcato - and aunty stinks up the market This could go on forever... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: artbrooks Date: 02 Jan 02 - 08:29 PM Everbody nos that thu place ya heer a passin tone is a bob-que. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: katlaughing Date: 02 Jan 02 - 10:29 PM LMAO!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: Sorcha Date: 02 Jan 02 - 10:50 PM Too funny! Thanks, JP! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Jan 02 - 11:03 PM And while you're at it.......Ya' know what makes some of this funny? It's believable by some of the C&W fan types.......Y'all need to ceck out the latest in the Bill Monroe Tie thread.....Now you can get a shirt, a pie pan and a pie plate.......Truth is soooo astounding sometimes. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: Dicho (Frank Staplin) Date: 02 Jan 02 - 11:41 PM A pie pan? And a pie plate? add cap and shoes and you will be cap-à-pie. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Musical Terms Misunderstood By C&W.... From: Jim Krause Date: 03 Jan 02 - 01:42 PM Ah great stuff. Where's Chester? I thought I smelled him around here somewhere. Jim |