catspaw

Posts like this, while humorous, tend to start nasty little flame wars... something Mudcat has been nicely lacking.

Yes, we have someone who's being a bit grating... a personal attack, however based in humor, is probably not going to help...

That's my two cents. Here's hoping I'm wrong.

M

Hold the delivery truck, there may be more.

catspaw

As non-Christian as I am, I do believe that in the case of someone making unwarranted personal attacks, the best course is to inform that person that what they are doing is unnappreciated. Insulting back just continues the sharp downward spiral. Turn the other cheek is perhaps the best advice.

Gargoyle has posted in a worthwhile manner in the past. I am dismayed by the juvenile turn of his recent postings, but hopefully he'll get it out of his system and rejoin us in a more... 'polite' discussion.

M

best,

bbc

Max, please delete ALL the crud---including my own.

Art

I will turn the other cheek only up to a point.

kat

I *can* sympathize, now that I've had time to read some of the threads, but I still don't think it takes us where we want to be to retaliate. If you don't want to discuss it privately, perhaps it's best to do as some have suggested & just let it pass. Reading what has gone on this weekend on Mudcat made me wonder. It seems like an awful lot of unpleasantness. What's goin' on in the village?

love,

Barbara

The approach to asking what's up with Gargoyle in this particular thread is rude.

Asking what's up with Gargoyle is OK.

So what if he's rude. Call a spade a spade and move on.

Margarita

What would Gandhi do?

I think the general drift that I see is the appropriate one... inform the offending party that the behavior is unappreciated, and then ignore further transgressions until the person behaves like a real person again. I think that censorship is definitely not the answer, and is justifiable only in very rare situations that someone comes to us only to attack. At that point, I believe that it's justified to remove his priveleges. You don't give a two year old a gun, and if someone's unwilling to live up to the responsibilies of free speech, then he can practice it somewhere else.

To the original purpose, despite the general ill will towards him/her, gargoyle doesn't fit this. He/she is posting worthwhile additions to threads... for whatever reason that it started, I hope it's over. Let's get back to the music.

M

I have also been the focus of gargoyle's ire lately, but apart from ignoring him/her to the best of my ability I also did one of the things which I think Ghandi would have done - I sent him/her a huge hug and envisaged him/her surrounded by love and light. That may possibly have seemed simply a totally insincere sarcastic statement, but I meant it from the bottom of my heart.

If gargoyle is in a bad space at the moment then the last thing he/she needs is a reflecting back of the same bad feelings. What works better (for me) is to send out loving thoughts and maybe it can also work for the offending party as well, because it breaks the loop (bad-to-bad-to-bad feelings, back and forth) and sends good feelings back in place of bad feelings. I then don't feel bad/guilty because I have dropped down into nastiness, and it gives less ammunition to the offender.

This is a partial explanation of what I refer to as the Zen method, but a herbalist I once knew also explained about the yew tree bending with the wind, rather than the strong big tree trying to stay still in the wind and breaking with the strain.

Love Helen

((((((((((((((((((((MUDCAT)))))))))))))))))))))))

Allison

Meself, I just can't keep a sourpus face on, when listing to a hot polka.

Whoppie, pass the beer!

-Fadac

Ferron sings a beautiful song about called "Return:

Refrain:

To lay my head on your blessed arm
I take my cue from the willow tree,
for it don't break from just one storm,
but bends with a strength that sets it free.

Verses:

When I was young my love was bold
Bold like rock and rock like cold
Kind love came and said it would be true
But I turned away as though I always knew

That bonds are formed from outside time
Our najor goal is to absolve our crimes
Let your steps be travelled with that knowing smile
It's no toss of coins that longest mile

For those who think don't analyze
For those who weep, dry your eyes to see
It's from those we've served, a paradise
And from those we've wronged, pure ectasy

Because happiness is a moment's glance
The spin inside the circle's charm
And I walked my line to have my chance
To lay my head on your blessed arm.

It's a beautiful song.

kat

That's beautiful.

Helen

I do not know you personally, but I have read much of what you have donated to this Forum. To lose you would be to a lose a part the 'Cat.

But I must side with many others and say that, in my opinion, you have stepped well outside the bounds of decorum. As many have suggested, if this behavior continues it poses a threat to the well-being of the Mudcat as a whole.

I, too, share views that are well outside "the norm" for this community and, like you, have had the courage to state them knowing some might dislike me for how my views. When I state those views, I try to avoid "techniques" that destroy discourse. Name calling, and belittling others provokes wrath. Through the techniques you have chosen you have harvested what the crop you have sown and that saddens me, for I do not wish wrath on anyone.

It saddens me that I would be posting on a thread with such a title as this one. I hope that you will rethink your recent approach and perhaps consider this change in your approach. I also hope that others will look inside themselves and see if they can find another way to express their feelings on the Mudcat.

Gargoyle, I hope you will find a way to stay on the Mudcat and to contribute to the threads and the discourse in a supportive manner.

Love,

Roger in Baltimore

The assumption has been that I intended to say something personally hurtful. That assumption has been untrue. To be sure, I intended there to be a little sting in the phraseology. Was it not said in Sheridan's "School for Scandal" "The malice in a good thing is the barb that makes it stick"? All or most of you seem to have missed the point on this thread because you were too busy being schoolmarms.

There seems to have been a relatively sudden change to the tone of Gargoyle's postings. It may be material to know why, before leaping to condemn - or smother with love. Perhaps Gargoyle is playing a game. Perhaps it is a cyber version of "Knock down Ginger". Perhaps he thinks he is seeking truth by forcing us to look into the dark spaces where we do not wish to look. Perhaps there are other reasons. Some good friends of mine are subject to mood swings and are occasionally quite snappy. A couple of friends of mine are quick with the lip, and sometimes find with hindsight they have gone, verbally, too fast and too far. I compere and it can be a perilous line to walk between being funny and offensive - vide Chris Tarrant: compare some "shock-jocks".

I regret to say that there is a whiff of repressiveness here which I thought was alien to this forum. I see no great and compelling reason to treat the word "piles" as offensive, but even if I were wrong, or had posted under a misogynistic and unacceptable "Why is Gargoyle being such a ****" (and, sadly, I now censor myself when I refuse when singing shanties to bowdlerise the lyrics) it is surely not a strength of this forum to observe only the form and to refuse to see the content.

I rephrase. Does anyone know if there is anything wrong with or for Gargoyle? Have we checked before condemning? Remember the lady on the train. A young man, sitting opposite her, saw her fight to get her heavy bag off the luggage rack, as the train approached the station. "Could you pass mine down too?" he said. "Why, are you a cripple?" came her crushing rejoinder. "Actually, yes" he said, pointing to his crutches which she had overlooked.