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 The Plenipotentiary
 (Captain Morris, 1790)
The Bey of Algiers, when afraid of his ears,
 A messenger sent to our court, sir,
As he knew in our state, the women had weight,
 He chose one well hung for the sport, sir.
 He searched the Divan till he found out a man,
 Whose ballocks were heavy and hairy,
 And he lately come o'er from the Barbary shore,
As the great Plenipotentiary.
 When to England he came, with his prick in a flame,
He showed it to his hostess on landing,
Who spread its renown through all parts of the town,
 As a pintle past all understanding.
So much there was said of its snout and its head,
That they called it the great Janissary;
 Not a lady could sleep till she got a sly peep
 At the great Plenipotentiary.
 As he rode in his coach, how the whores did approach,
And stared, as if stretched on a tenter;
 He drew every eye of the dames that passed by,
 Like the sun to its wonderful center.
As he passed through the town, not a window was down,
And the maids hurried out to the area.
 The children cried, "Look, there's the man with the crook,
 That's the great Plenipotentiary."
When he came to the Court, oh what giggle and sport,
 Such squinting and squeezing to view him,
What envy and spleen in the women were seen,
 All happy and pleased to get to him.
 They vowed from their hearts, if men of such parts
 Were found on the coast of Barbary,
'Tis a shame not to bring a whole guard for the King,
Like the great Plenipotentiary.
 The dames of intrigue formed their cunts in a league,
To take him in turns like good folk, sir;
The young misses' plan was to catch as catch can,
And all were resolved on a stroke, sir.
The cards to invite flew by thousands each night,
With bribes to the old secretary,
And the famous Eclipse was not let for more leaps,
 Than the great Plenipotentiary.
 When his names was announced, how the women all bounced,
 And their blood hurried up to their faces;
 He made them all itch from navel to breech,
And their bubbies burst out of their laces;
There was such damned work to be fucked by the Turk,
 That nothing their passion could vary;
 All the matrons fell sick for the Barbary prick
Of the great Plenipotentiary.
 A Duchess whose Duke made her ready to puke,
 With funbling and fucking all night, sir,
Being first for the prize, was so pleased with its size,
 That she begged for to stroke its big snout, sir.
"My Stars!", cried her Grace, "Its head's like a mace,
 'Tis as high as the Corsican Fairy;
I'll make up, please the pits, for dry boobs and frigs,
With the great Plenipotentiary."
And now to be bored by this Ottoman Lord
 Came a virgin far gone in the wane, sir.
 She resolved to try, though her cunt was so dry,
 That she knew it must split like a cane, sir.
True, it was as she spoke, it gave way at each stroke,
 But, Oh!, What a woeful quandary!
With one terrible thrust, her old piss-bladder burst,
On the great Plenipotentiary.
 The next to be tried was an Alderman's Bride,
With a cunt that would swallow a turtle,
 She had horned the dull brows, of her worshipful spouse,
 Till they sprouted like Venus's myrtle.
Through thick and through thin, bowel deep he dashed in,
 Till her cunt frothed like cream in a diary,
 And expressed by loud farts, she was strained in all parts,
By the great Plenipotentiary.
 The next to be kissed, on the Plenipo's list,
Was a delicate Maiden of Honor.
She screamed at the sight of his prick, in a fright
Through she'd had the whole palace upon her.
 "Oh Lord!," she said, "What a prick for a maid!
"Do, pray, come look at it Cary!
 But I will have one drive, if I'm ripped up alive,
 By the great Plenipotentiary."
Two sisters next came, Peg and Molly by name,
Two ladies of very high breeding,
Resolved one should try, while the other stood by,
 And watch the amusing proceeding.
Peg swore by the gods that the Mussulman's cods
Were as big as both buttocks of Mary;
Molly cried with a grunt, he has ruined my cunt
With his great Plenipotentiary.
 The next for this plan was an old Haridan,
 Who had swallowed huge pricks from each nation,
With over much use, she had broken the sluice,
 'Twixt her cunt and its lower relation.
But he stuck her so full that she roared like a bull,
Crying out she was bursting and weary,
 So tight was she stuck by this wonderful fuck,
 Of the great Plenipotentiary.
 The next for a shag came the new Yankee flag;
Though lanky and scraggy in figure.
She was fond of the quid, for she had been well rid,
 From Washington down to a chigger.
 "Oh My! Such a size! I guess it's first prize,
 It's a wonder, quite next to Niagary;
Well, now I'm in luck.
Stranger, let's fuck!
Bully for the great Plenipotentiary."
 All heads were bewitched and longed to be stitched,
Even babies would languish and linger,
 And the boarding-school Miss, as she sat down to piss,
 Drew a Turk on the floor with her finger.
For fancied delight, they all clubbed for a shite,
 To frig in the school necessary,
 And the Teachers from France fucked 'a la distance'
With the great Plenipotentiary.
 Each sluice-cunted bawd, who'd been screwed abroad,
Till her premises gaped like a grave, sir,
 Found luck was so thick, she could feel the Turk's prick,
Though all others were lost in her cave, sir.
The nymphs of the stage did his ramrod engage,
 Made him free of their gay seminary;
 And the Italian Signors opened all their back doors
To the great Plenipotentiary.
 Then of love's sweet reward, measured out by the yard,
 The Turk was most blest of mankind, sir,
 For his powerful dart went right home to the heart,
Whether stuck in before or behind, sir.
But no pencil can draw the great-pintled Bashaw,
 Then each cunt-loving contemporary,
As cocks of the game, let's drink to the name,
 Of the great Plenipotentiary.
 (Jerry Silverman)