e
BGL1CF
 Pecker Pulling Blues
(llewtraH)
Papa caught me in the loft, I'd just finished jacking off,
 And he grabbed me by my leg and pulled me down.
Papa said, "You goddamn fool, stop this playing with your tool,
And I'll take you to the whorehouse up in town.
 Chorus: If you're playing with your prick, you'd better stop it quick,
 It will soon hang down and watch you shine your shoes.
 I have fucked my final cow, and I'm in the asylum now;
 That's why I've got the pecker pulling blues.
 Papa said, "Now just how long have you jerked your fucking dong?
 It has made a lot of fellows climb the walls;
Son, this damned jack-offing bull, it has the asylums full.
They'll put acid on your cock, cut out your balls."
 Papa scared me half to death, he was cursing every breath,
 And I never had fucked nothing but a cow;
But that practice I had quit 'cause a heifer took a shit
 On my prick, and that is why I'm jacking now.
 Papa had me running scared; said my palms would grow some hair,
And that all my jacking off would send me mad.
 Maybe I should use my tool for target practice on a mule,
If my pecker pulling riled by good old dad.
 Then he said, "Now son, don't cry.
Listen up, I'll tell you why,
I'll take you to the best red-light house around.
There's a lady, Annabelle, she will make your pecker swell;
Get your had and coat, we're going into town."
We knocked at the whorehouse door, greeted by the madam whore;
 She was drinking, I guess whiskey from a glass.
Papa said, "This is my son, and the bastard's twenty-one.
Annabelle, it's time he had a piece of ass."
As she led me to a room, I could smell her cheap perfume,
And she said, "Sweetheart, you must take off your pants."
When she grabbed me by the cock, it got harder than a rock,
'Cause to fuck a girl at last I had a chance.
 Then she led me to a stand, an eye-dropper in her hand,
And she squirted something red into my prick;
Well, it hurt so goddamn bad that the hardon that I had,
 It was gone and I was stranded up shit creek.
 So she skinned my pecker back, and that bitch began to jack.
 She said, "Honey, you have got a pretty rod;
 Let me get it hard again, then sweetheart, I'll put it in.
 It will feel good when you're shooting off your wad."
 But she couldn't get it hard, though she rubbed the head with lard,
The bell rang, and she said, "I have to go!
Babe, your goddamn jacking off, it has made your pecker soft.
Pay your bill and then you motherfucker, blow!"
 Left the whorehouse in a daze, been pecker-pulling since them days,
First I got hairy palms and then went blind.
 I'm in the asylum now, can't get sheep and can't get cow.
I'm just pecker-pulling just until I lose my mind.
 Masturbation
(llewtraH)
 Tune: Funiculi, Funicula
 His:
Last night I laid awake and masturbated,
 It felt so good, I knew it would.
Last night I laid awake and masturbated,
 It felt so nice, I did it twice.
You should have seen me on the short strokes,
It felt so grand, I used my hand.
You should have seen me on the long strokes,
 It felt so neat, I used my feet.
Slam it, ram it, throw it on the floor,
Wrap it around the bed post, slam it in the door.
Some people think that fornication is so neat,
 But I would rather stay at home, and calmly beat my meat.
Hers:
 Last night, I laid and masturbated,
It did me good, I knew it would.
 All night, the bed springs they vibrated,
I thinks it's canny, to rub my fanny.
 You should have seen me on the short strokes,
It felt so grand, I used my hand.
You should have seen me on the long strokes,
 Around and round, and up and down.
Eased it, teased it, slid along the floor,
 Rubbed it, scrubbed it, tickled it to the core.
Some people say that being fucked is very grand,
 But for personal enjoyment, I would rather use her hand.
 Masturbata
(llewtraH)
 Tune: The Macarena
Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alona,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona.
Go and grab a Penthouse it's the one with Sharon Stona.
Hey Masturbata!
 I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nicea,
Once ain't enough so I have to do it twicea.
 If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea.
 Hey Masturbata!
 I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana.
Never shake my hand cause you don't know where its beena
 Hey Masturbata!
 I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the others on my meata.
I can't get out the car cause I'm sticking to the seata.
 Hey Masturbata!
 Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbata,
Choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomata.
 I've looked at Ms. November now I'm gonna decorate her.
Hey Masturbata!
 Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacona,
 Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm makinga.
 Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achinga.
 Hey Masturbata!
Hey, Masturbator!
(llewtraH)
Tune: The Macarena
If you're feeling kinda horny, want to set your semen free,
Stop spankin' on your monkey, babe, and let me climb your tr
 Why come inside your hand when you can come inside of me?
Hey, Masturbator!
 I'm moister than your Vaseline, I'm smoother than your hand,
 I'll lick and suck and swallow for as long as you can stand.
 I'll ride your rod straight up to Mars and cry out when we l
 Hey, Masturbator!
 For quick, dependable relief, my hand is always there;
 I'll love myself for hours, fondling tits and cunt with flai
 But when I really want some fun, it's better as a pair!
Hey, Masturbator!
Masturbation Song
(llewtraH)
 You don't need to use a condom;
You don't need a dental dam.
 You don't need to say "I Love You",
Or "Here's fifty dollars, Ma'am."
 Don't need to spring for dinner,
 Or wear all that sexy stuff.
 All you need's a set of fingers
And a wanker or a muff.
 'Cause everybody's doin' it,
 All across the land.
 Masturbators Of America,
 Give yourselves a gentle hand.
It's natural, and organic;
 It's easy and it's fun.
If you don't know how to do it,
Ask your parents how it's done.
 You don't need a special licence;
You don't need a special skill.
Just unzip and slip your grip
Between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it,
 And it feels so very grand.
Masturbators of America,
 Give yourselves a gentle hand.
You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert
 While you watch the Grateful Dead.
You can rub it with some lotion
You can stroke it with a cloth
 Arnold Shwartzenegger pounds it,
 Michael Jackson jacks it off.
 Your attitude will soften,
 Your hirizons will expand.
 Masturbators of America,
 Give yourself a gentle hand.
 Masturbation (Fornication)
(llewtraH)
 Tune: Alouette
 By Danny Ross Taylor,
 Chorus: Masturbation, I love masturbation,
 Masturbation, I love to masturbate.
 Leader:
How I like to choke my chicken,
 Pack:
Yes, he likes to choke his chicken,
 Leader:
Choke my chicken,
 Pack:
Choke his chicken,
Leader:
Masturbate,
 Pack:
Masturbate,
Leader:
How I like to spank my monkey,
Pack:
How he likes to spank his monkey,
 Leader:
Spank my monkey,
Pack:
Spank his monkey,
 Leader:
Choke my chicken,
 Pack:
Choke his chicken,
Leader:
Masturbate,
 Pack:
Masturbate,
 Other verses:
 Lope my mule
 Rub my nub
 Whip my lizard
 Swat my twat
 Spank my pony
Tease the beaver
 Flog my log
Stroke my snatch
 Clutch my crotch
 Tap my gap
 Beat my meat
 Pull my pony
 Yank my chain
Use three fingers
Moan and jerk
Change Chorus & Verses To:
Fornication, I love fornication,
 Fornication, I love to fornicate.
 Leader:
How I like to be on top,
Pack:
Yes, she likes to be on top
 Leader:
Be on top,
Pack:
Be on top,
Leader:
Fornicate,
Pack:
Fornicate,
 Other verses:
 Do it standing up
Hide the salami
Drive it deep
Bark like a dog
Bump and grind
 Pump and hump
Grind her mound
Give jungle love
 Do it in the dirt