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 The Cucumber Kid
(llewtraH)
The attraction of a cucumber,
Must be said is amazingly queer;
 There's some who like nothing better,
Than to stick a big one up their rear.
Now this is the tale of a fellow,
We will call him the Cucumber Kid,
 With a fetish for these salad items,
 Let me recount the odd things that he did.
One day he hobbled to casualty,
With each step he emitted small farts,
 And the doctors they found a cucumber,
 Rammed tight up the poor kid's sore ass.
He promised no longer to do it,
Though he found it erotic and nice,
The next day he limped back to the doctor,
 Up his ass they discovered two mice.
Once more he swore never to do this,
 But returned, his pants covered in shit,
 A cucumber stuck out of his rectum,
His anus was ragged and split.
The kid he had this strange fetish,
Which he found he could only assuage,
By sticking huge veg up his asshole,
 But he miscalculated their gauge.
 For an asshole is only designed,
 For the size of the turd you produce,
And not as an entrance for veggies,
For which the lad had such strange use.
 They suggested vibrators or dildos,
Would be safer for his preferred vice,
 Cucumbers are downright disastrous,
Rodentophilia is cruelty to mice.
 For a few weeks we no longer saw him,
Then one day he limped back to the door,
 And when we examined his asshole,
A cucumber was wedged there once more.
He told us he'd tried the vibrator,
And the dildo - but they were too thin,
He only got kicks from cucumbers,
How they stretched him when he forced them in.
Alas, the poor kid, he is dead now,
Peritonitis, it took him away;
 Some say he is pushing up daisies,
 More likely cucumbers, we'd say!
 X