02/07/1999
We Are The Engineers
chorus:
We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the Engineers;
We can, we can, we can, we can, we can demolish forty beers.
Drink run, drink rum, drink rum, drink rum, and come along with us.
We don't give a damn for any damn man who don't give a damn for us.
Godiva was a lady who through Coventry did ride,
To show all the villagers her lovely bare white hide.
The most observant man on Earth, an Engineer of course,
Was the only one who noticed that Godiva rode a horse.
She said, "I've come a long long way, nad the man will go as far,
Who takes me off this God-damned horse and leads me to a bar.
The men who took her off the horse and stood her to a beer,
Were a bleary-eyed surveyor and a drunken Engineer.
My father was a miner on the Upper Malemute,
My mother was a hostess in a house of ill repute.
They kicked me out at a tender age and never shed a tear,
"Get out of here, you son-of-a-bitch, go join the Engineers.
The Army and the Navy were out to have some fun,
Looking for a tavern where the fiery liquors run.
All they found were empties, for the Engineers had come
And traded all their instruments for gallon jugs of rum.
An Artsman and an Engineer once found a gallon can.
Said the Artsman, "Match me drink for drink and prove you are a man." 
They drank three drinks, the Artsman died, his face was turning green.
The Engineer drank on and cried, "It's only gasoline."
I happened once upon a girl whose eyes were full of fire.
Her physical endowments would make your hands perspire.
To my great surprise, she said she never had been kissed,
For her boyfriend was a worn out Engineering Physicist.
A maiden and an Engineer were sitting in the park.
The Engineer was busy doing research in the dark.
His scientific method was a wonder to observe;
His left hand took the reading while his right hand traced the curve. 
Now, Venus was a statue made entirely of stone,
There's not a fig leaf on her, she is naked as a bone.
On seeing that her arms had gone, and Engineer discoursed,
"Of course, the damn thing's broken, she should be re-enforced.
Sir Francis Drake and all his ships sailed up to Calais Bay,
'Cause they had heard the Spanish Rum Fleet was heading up that way.
But the Engineers had beat them by a night and half a day.
And though they were tight as virgins, you could hear them loudly say:
An engineer once came to class so very drunk and late,
He was carrying a load that you would exect to ship by freight.
The only thing that held him up and kept him on his course,
Were the boundary conditions and electromotive force.
Said the Beauty to the Engineer, "My beer is getting warm.
Unless some more is brought to me, I'll retire to the dorm."
The Engineer said, "Go to Hell!
I'm not a money tree.
If you're so God damned thirsty, you can buy a beer for me."
My mother peddles opium, my father's on the dole.
My sister used to walk the streets, but now she's on parole.
My brother runs a restaurant with some bedrooms in the rear,
But I'm the black sheep of the lot, 'cause I'm an Engineer.
Now, Caesar went to Egypt at the age of fifty-three,
But Cleopatra's blood was red, her heart was warm and free.
And every night when Caesar said goodbye at one o'clock,
A Roman Engineer was waiting just around the block.
After reading Kama Sutra, he tried position nine,
For proving his virility, it truly was divine.
On day he happened on a girl who threw him on his rear,
For he was a feeble Artsy while she was an Engineer.
Godiva was a lady well-endowed there was no doubt,
She never wore a stitch of clothes, just wound her hair about.
The first man ever made was an Engineer of course,x
But on one beer, an Artsy queer, once made Godiva's horse.
So now you've heard our story, and you know we're Engineers,
And like all hearty fellows, we drink our whiskey clear.
We drink to every fellow who comes from far and near,
'Cause we're helluva helluva helluva helluva helluva Engineers.
(sent on the internet to Ken Smith from "Erik - I have more if you
are interested ", but we have no address.)
So here's to engineering, where I earn my daily bread.
We'll rise and sing a chorus from our coffins when we're dead.
And when we reach the Pearly Gates, we'll give St Pete the cue,
To join the happy chorus with the engineering crew.
And here's to the Accountant who makes us count the stock.
I hope that he gets syphilis with a pimple on his cock.
He lectures the apprentices, the same talk every year;
And he screws his secretary, till her ass is out of gear.
And here's to the Professor, the mathematical son of a bitch;
We hope he gets the syphilis and dies with seven-year itch.
We'll use his prick as radius, and used his balls as base,
And prove by the theory of limits, that his asshole is his face.
If I had a condom and a jar of Vaseline,
I'd get me up to heaven, screw the Engineering Queen.
Finance girls take three iches, secretaries, they take four,
Engineering girls take all you've got, and then they yell for more.
An engineer went to Hades, after he was dead;
He screwed the little devils until their asshole bled.
He made the rocks and caverns ring with engineering yells,
And made the boys from finance wish they'd never gone to hell.
My father was a miner in the Welsh miner's dispute;
My mother was a mistress in a house of ill repute.
The last time that I saw them, their words rang in my ears:
"Go forth and multiply, you bastard, and be an engineer."
If I had a prick of steel and balls of shiny brass,
I'd find a marble Venus and ram it up her ass.
I'd breed a race of giants, to roam throughout the land,
And sing another chorus with the engineering band.
The compnay's run by marketing who like to make a sale.
The salesmen all are drunkards who'll do anything for tail.
HR's full of stiff pricks, the kind you raise by hand,
But us masturbating sons of bitches, are the finest in the land.
n know an engineer, my lads, a cunning little tyke;
He went out walking after dark and got a brand-new bike.
It's owner stripped off all her clothes and falshed her milky tits:
"Take whatever you like, my lad," but her clothing wouldn't fit.