The Blue Movie Blues
(llewtraH) by Chris Bridges
 (Guy sings)
Every week I show up just to clean her pool,
But whenever I do she grabs hold of my tool.
It's a lot of fun but it's been a whole year,
And my boss wants to know what I do over here.
 As the things in the pool have all started to ooze;
I think I got the blue movie blues.
 (Guy's chorus)
 'Cause wherever I go and whatever I do,
Every woman I meet I just happen to screw.
 There's no logic involved and no mystery solved;
I got a case of the blue movie blues
(Girl sings)
Gave up delivery jobs 'cause they're all the same;
 I'd show up with the goods and I'd stay for the game.
I brought groceries, laundry, pizza at night,
'Til I found what they all really wanted to bite.
I'm not a good-lookin' girl but I can't seem to lose,
Because I've got the blue movie blues
(Girl's chorus)
These guys are all rugged, well-dressed and hung;
Get it up on cue and with a prehensile tongue.
 They making me shout but they keep pulling out;
Oh Lord, I've got the blue movie blues.
 (Guy sings)
I worked really hard in an executive way,
'Til they made me the president one day.
Secretary came in, did an arabesque;
Said "I don't work right 'til I'm screwed to the desk!"
Now I got fourteen temps 'cuause I don't like to choose,
Not while I've got the blue movie blues.
(Guy's chorus)
 Every woman's a knockout, tits out to there,
And not a single one wears underwear.
They're all fantastic in bed and they all give me head,
To try and cure my blue movie blues.
(Girl sings)
You know, last summer the aliens dropped,
And they kidnapped me in the parking lot.
I shrieked and I screamed 'cause I knew I'd die,
But they strapped me down and unzipped their flies.
So now I'm back here on Earth, but nobody screws,
Not like the cosmic blue movie blues.
(Girl's chorus)
I've heard of VD and AIDS but I can't get a dose,
And I've never even seen a condom up close.
'Cause there's no birth control until the credits roll,
Not when you've got the blue movie blues
(Guy and girl alternate)
(Guy) It's every guy's fantasy; it's starting to bore.
 (Girl) And every hole that I've got is incredibly sore.
(Guy) I want a steady girl, not whoever's here now,
(Girl) And I'm sick of directors telling me how.
(Together)
 I keep thinking I'll quit but it's hard to refuse
Another case of the blue movie blues.
Another taste of the blue movie blues,
 I just can't face the blue movie blues.