The Three Little Pigs
Once upon a time, in the land of Oo-poppa-dow, there lived three 
 little pigs.
One of them was very cool, andother was more on the
commercial side, and the third was definitely square.
One day, as the 
three little pigs were taking five, they heard that a big bad wolf was 
making the local scene on a one-nighter.
And knowing that his approach 
signalled danger, they immediately set about constructing shelter.
The square little pig swung a quick G. I. loan and in cut time threw 
up a real frantic bungalow, complete with wall-to-wall floors and a T.V. 
 antenna.
 The commercial little pig laid out for a few bars and then moved into
a pre-fab joint out of the high rent district.
But the cool little pig goofed altogether and at the last possible 
minute built himself a real purple-light shack out of clarinet reeds and 
 Scotch Tape.
Well sir, the big bad wolf blew in as advertised and the first place 
he went looking for action was to the shack of the square little pig.
And
applying his hairy knuckles to the door, he laid down a crazy paradiddle 
 and said, "Man, it's a raid!"
 "Jack," said the pig, "It's after closing."
"Don't hand me that jazz," said the wolf.
"Open up!"
"Sorry," said the pig, "You gotta make reservations."
"Charlie," said the wolf, "If you don't open that door, I'll huff and
I'll puff and I'll blow your house down."
 "Just tell me one thing," said the pig, "What shape is your lip in?" 
Enraged at this impertinence, the wolf came on like Joshua, the walls
came tumbling down, and in no time at all the little pig was really gone. 
The following day, the wolf knocked at the door of the second little 
pig.
"Who calls like?" said the pig.
"Never mind," said the wolf.
"Open the portal and five me some skin,
pig, or give me some pigskin, as the case may be."
 "Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin," said the pig.
"Bless my soul, it's Dizzy!" said the wolf.
"No it ain't," said the pig.
"Well then, it must be Jazzbo," said the wolf.
"Wrong again," said the pig.
"Tell you what", said the wolf, "I'll just peek through the keyhole." 
 "In a pig's eye," said the pig, which angered the wolf so much, that 
he forthwith blew the joint down and swallowed up the pig.
The next day, the wolf fell by the domicile of the cool little pig and rapped on the door.
"Have no fear," he said, "Big John is here."
 "Man, you've had it.
Blow!"
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
I understand there's a 
session going on here today", said the wolf.
"I'd like to sit in."
"I'm hip," said the pig, and if you'll just slide down the chimney 
as per the instructions in the script, I'll really give you something to 
 sit in."
 "At this, the wolf leapt to the roof and in so doing, dislodged a 
brick which fell down the chimney and clanged against the great iron pot 
 in the fireplace.
 "What was that?" the wolf shouted.
"E flat," said the pig, "And man it's your chorus.
Fall in!"
And fall in the wolf did. Down the chimney and into the boiling pot. 
The little pig clapped the cover on the pot and let it simmer for forty- 
 eight over a low flame.
When at last he lifted the cover, he smiled 
broadly and said, "Ah, my favorite soup.
Cream of nowhere."
(Steve Allen)