05/28/2004 A dentist named Doctor McGraw, Got hard working on a girl's jaw. He said, "Open wide," Then shoved it inside, And all she could do was say 'Ahh!' 40073 MEDICAL - DENTAL A dental team, Alfred and Joe -- Al six feet four, Joe four feet oh -- Combining their skills Joe chips, grinds and drills The uppers while Al works below. 40074 MEDICAL - DENTAL Irving Superior P8503 Our dentist was Lieutenant Fental Whose talents were inci(type)dental. For every wrong tooth He'd offer the truth, "My job here is acci(type)dental. 40075 MEDICAL - DENTAL Irving Superior P8406 There was a young lady named Prentice Who had an affair with a dentist. To make the thing easier, He used anesthesia, And diddled her, 'non compes mentis'. 40076 MEDICAL - DENTAL L0081 A terrible toothache had Rackshun; It drove him to fits of distraction. A dentist named Lee Pulled it so painlessly, That he asked for another extraction. 40077 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-2429 A girl who was born an Aquarius Engaged in a custom nefarious. She practiced fellation With highest elation, Till her teeth became yellow and carious. 40078 MEDICAL - DENTAL G2482 I am a young dentist from Berkeley Whose patients are often quite quirky One shit on my chair! Others smell like they're bears! Another used my sink to pee! 40079 MEDICAL - DENTAL Jim Weaver Collection My dentist's just pulled out that tooth; The first one I've lost, that's the truth. But oh, what a pleasure just Eyeing that treasure-chest, Dental assistant sweet Ruth. 40080 MEDICAL - DENTAL Peter Wilkins A dentist by the name of Bill Greer Said, "Calm down, you have nothing to fear." Then he pulled out the bill, Instead of the drill, And his patient said, "I'm out of here." 40081 MEDICAL - DENTAL Barbara Cunningham P9604 There was a young dentist who thrilled To the sound of a tooth being filled; He would practise, they said, Every night in his shed... With the old Black and Decker he's skilled. 40082 MEDICAL - DENTAL Peter Wilkins Said a stuttering dentist named Keith, As he started to grope underneath The brassiere of his day- time assistant Sue May, "You've got great t-t-t-t-t-t-teeth." 40083 MEDICAL - DENTAL Michael Weinstein P9811 There was an old dentist named Frindem, Who knew how to pull and to grind 'em. His methods were new And his false teeth were true, For he burned all his bridges behind him. 40084 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-2581 There was a young dentist named Trevor, Whose technique was terribly clever: Since, out of depravity He filled the wrong cavity, He has more women patients than ever. 40085 MEDICAL - DENTAL Harold C. Bibby A dentist residing in Rhyll Was a demon when it came to the drill. But instead of the mouth, He placed it down south, After knocking them out with a pill. 40086 MEDICAL - DENTAL Don Armadale A dentist named Archibald Moss Fell in love with the dainty Miss Ross. Since he held in abhorrence Her Christian name, Florence, He renamed her his dear dental Floss. 40087 MEDICAL - DENTAL He's my Dental Hygiene star prince. He did brush and floss, spit and rinse. But he spit on me Then charged me a fee! I'm glad I have not seen him since. 40088 MEDICAL - DENTAL The dentist, with pride was so full, His patients could not stand his bull. Their confidence sank With each tooth he'd yank, But they had to admid he had 'pull'. 40089 MEDICAL - DENTAL G Watson This dentist from England's quite willing To drill any tooth for a shilling; Whether needed or not, 'Tis fixed on the spot. So he makes a good killing from filling. 40090 MEDICAL - DENTAL Karyn Robbins An exciting young dentist of Billings Gets the girls by the depth of his drillings. When he says, "Open wide," They are well satisfied (on the hole) with emergency fillings. 40091 MEDICAL - DENTAL Keith MacMillan A073B "Well now," said the dentist named Shutes, "I'm ready, hang onto your boots." With efforts protracted, The tooth was extracted, But his balls were torn out by the roots. 40092 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-1820 The dentures produced by Doc Sloan Were finer than heretofore known. No man better could do, And he made them so true, That they hurt and decayed like our own. 40093 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-2797 There was an old dentist named Jake Who most perfect of false teeth did make. And according to queries, They would even get caries, And he made them so good they would ache. 40094 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-2629 It is said, with appropriate gravity, Thomas Hood lived a life of depravity. (Though he had just one ball, And his cock was so small, It could just fill a small molar cavity. 40095 MEDICAL - DENTAL G2356 An oversexed woman was thrilled To find how her young dentist drilled. When she sat in his chair, She stripped and said, "There Now I'd like these two pulled and this filled." 40096 MEDICAL - DENTAL Bob Giandomenico P9103 Big Danny was famous for filling The holes in the gals he was drilling, With plenty of grout, Which left little doubt, He would be a daddy, God willing. 40097 MEDICAL - DENTAL Frank Sfa Her Dentist used gas before drilling. The dream she had was quite thrilling. Nine months to the day She knew, in a way, It was more than her tooth he was willing. 40098 MEDICAL - DENTAL John E Mayhood P9805 There was a young dentist of Nome, Who had a young patient from Rome. In a fit of depravity, He filled the wrong cavity, Now she's nursing the filling at home. 40099 MEDICAL - DENTAL A show-offy dentist named Irv Would flourish a drill with a verve; On hearing a yell, He always could tell He'd carelessly skewered a nerve. 40100 MEDICAL - DENTAL R. J. Winkler P8503 "Open wide," said my dentist from Maine. "I'll make sure you feel maximum pain, While I fill up your grinders With sawdust and binders, And drill you again and again." 40101 MEDICAL - DENTAL Mike O'Conner A dentist, young Doctor Malone, Got a charming girl patient alone. And in his depravity, He filled the wrong cavity. My! How his practice has grown! (She nurses the filling at home.) 40102 MEDICAL - DENTAL L0102 A discomposed dentist named Booth Had guzzled a jug of vermouth. In his chair sat a maiden With perfume heavy laden, So he screwed her while pulling her tooth. 40103 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-0653 A dentist who lives in Duluth, Has wedded a widow named Ruth. She is so sentimental Concerning things dental She calls her dear second, her twoth. (She now only utters the tooth.) 40104 MEDICAL - DENTAL Said the dentist, "Please open wider -- 'Cause here comes the skin-covered glider. The pink steel drill, The unpicked dill; A gift from your service provider." 40105 MEDICAL - DENTAL Oddo Von Schlong TP9901 A man who discovered a cavity Considered the matter with gravity. A Seventh Day Adventist Couldn't go to the dentist On Saturday, for fear of depravity. 40106 MEDICAL - DENTAL Sylvia Honig There was a young dentist named Millet, Who hung the sign "Come in, I'll Drill It." No one, though, attended, Until he amended, "I'll Painlessly Drill It, Then Fill It." 40107 MEDICAL - DENTAL Bob Birch P0301 Jim's jaws were clenched in contraction, But opened them only a fraction When the dentist said, "Wider! So's to put this inside yer, And yank out the confounded impaction." 40108 MEDICAL - DENTAL Edwin J Weinstein Said a dentist, "Ma'am, please open wider" And he mounted the chair, as to ride her! Instead of his finger, He stuck in his weiner, And found himself way deep inside her. 40109 MEDICAL - DENTAL There was a good madame of Banbury Cross, Who purchased the finest of fine dental floss, Twice twelve dozen yards, Chaste belts for her wards -- (Punch line deleted - it came out - just two gross!) 40110 MEDICAL - DENTAL Stan Payne P8509 The dentist was clearly unwilling To enlarge on the case of Miss Billing. "She'd a very large cavity," He deposed with due gravity, "And it very much needed my filling." 40111 MEDICAL - DENTAL Lance Payne P8503 While proctologists toil through their day, With naught but bung holes on display, The poor dentists pity, 'Cause it ain't too pretty In cavitys fill with decay. 40112 MEDICAL - DENTAL Chris Papa A dentist who lives in Campania, Said, "Don't be alarmed, I won't pain ya'." But his technique was crude, And the yells which ensued, Shattered windows all over Tasmania. 40113 MEDICAL - DENTAL John Blyth While the dentist was drilling young Keith, His assistant reached down underneath, And she sucked on his cock. He went off in a shock, But felt nothing at all in his teeth. 40114 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-0839 I got a new crown for my tooth. 'Tis the fourth one I've had there, in truth. It goes a long while Toward making me smile, For it hasn't a hole and ain't looth! 40115 MEDICAL - DENTAL Liam na Baeg She was cuddly and age eighty-eight. She said about marriage, "Let's wait. My hair must be dyed, (I do have my pride) And they're building my new upper plate." 40116 MEDICAL - DENTAL Al Willis P9604 He looked at her X-rays and waited To tell her the teeth were ill-mated. "I'm greatly afraid That you had them X-rayed When you ought to have had them X-rated. 40117 MEDICAL - DENTAL Laurence Perrine P8802 A man to his dentist complained That his dentures fit poorly and pained. But the dentist said smugly, "Though your pains may be ugly, Nothing dentured, my boy, nothing gained." 40118 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024 P9005 A lonely old hag from Duluth, Whose vices were rather uncouth, Would not be so lonely, If her dentist would only Consent to remove her last tooth. 40119 MEDICAL - DENTAL Said the dentist, "Now please open wider." She did, and his tongue slid inside her. No pain from a drill, She just got her fill. Said the dentist, "You tasted like cider." 40120 MEDICAL - DENTAL Lisa Said a dentist, "Ma'am, please open wider! Nurse, I can't get my penis inside her. Her pussy's too tight! Stretch it open a might, Then I'll be able to ride her!" 40121 MEDICAL - DENTAL As he struggled, a dentist namd Snider Cried, trying to plunge it inside her, "I don't as a rule Have this time with my tool, Please open a little bit wider!" 40122 MEDICAL - DENTAL Grand Prix Lim 798 P8305 While the dentist was drilling young Schick, His assistant, so comely and slick, Was sucking his cock. His tooth felt no shock But he blew with a pain in his prick. 40123 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-0877 A young dental student named Phil In the summertime keeps up his skill With a job on the street. He tears up concrete By using a pnuematic drill. 40124 MEDICAL - DENTAL A. N. Wilkins P8503 A two-toothed old man of Arboath, Gave vent to a terrible oath. When one tooth chanced to ache, By some ghastly mistake, The dentist extracted them both. 40125 MEDICAL - DENTAL There was this young man from Duluth, Was the victim of a monstrous goof. He was driven insane And had double the pain, When the dentist had pulled the wrong tooth. 40126 MEDICAL - DENTAL Edwin J Weinstein Ask not if he fancied the dollar, Or sported a tie and a collar; The person worth while Is the one who can smile While the dentist is pulling his molar. 40127 MEDICAL - DENTAL VOL 11 He worked on my teeth for three days, And I didn't have any decays. But my dentist, the creep, Said, "Fillings are cheap," But OY!, root canals and inlays!" 40128 MEDICAL - DENTAL Jim Weaver Collection To the dentist, a fellow named Huff Showed his teeth, which were worn and so rough. "From the wear and the tear," Said the dentist, "I swear That the cunts which you eat are too tough." 40129 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-0828 "Why in Heaven," inquired Mr. Downs, "Should dentists have such heavy rounds?" "Who else do you suppose," Replied Dr. Rose, "Would fit saints for their new golden crowns?" 40130 MEDICAL - DENTAL A. N. Wilkins P8503 There was an old family named Keith Who lived in a hut on the heath. Being abjectly poor, It was hard to endure, And they all used the same set of teeth. 40131 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin "What is worse," said a lady named Claire, "A new baby, or tooth to repair?" Said the dentist refined, "Would you make up your mind, For I wish to position the chair." 40132 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-1990 Thou, Sister Christina, tormentest My thoughts, and I pray thou consentest To a romp in the hay With this suitor today, If first thou shalt visit a dentist. 40133 MEDICAL - DENTAL A naive dental patient from Maine Told her dentist how sex erased pain. At the touch of a cock She went right into shock -- There was no need to use Novacaine. 40134 MEDICAL - DENTAL There was an old lady named Billings Who went to the dentist for fillings. But he lost all control And he filled the wrong hole, So she charged him four pence and two shillings. 40135 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-0650 A pretty young maid in Inniskilling Went to the dentist for filling. He asked for no fee And did it for free When the young maid said she was willing. 40136 MEDICAL - DENTAL Bob Hunt A dental hygienist named Chaucer Would moan when her boss tried to boss her. Just one trip to her chair And you'd readily swear You'd sighted a real sighing flosser. 40137 MEDICAL - DENTAL Arthur Deex P0011 Said the dentist to harlot McKay, As he poked in her cunt with dismay, "Your life of depravity Has fucked up your cavity. What you need is a gold crown inlay." 40138 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-0536 All my teeth are falling out; I think that my gums have the gout. I can grin no more 'Cause my mouth is sore. The best that I can do is pout. 40139 MEDICAL - DENTAL A dentist know as McBride Found a whore he wanted to ride. He spewed out his Crest All over her breasts, And smeared gums with stannous flouride! 40140 MEDICAL - DENTAL John Chastaine How can brushers who floss such a lot, Skipping sweets, still acquire dental rot? Might they squeeze from the waist? Read your tube of toothpaste: "For best results, squeeze from the bot...!" 40141 MEDICAL - DENTAL Prof M-G TP9806 There was an old dentist named Eddie, Whose tool was perpetually ready. A young lass in his chair, Was caught unaware, When she saw that his drill was so steady. 40142 MEDICAL - DENTAL Mr. Wine To an African hunter named Tim, Said the dentist with visage so grim, "In your teeth there is plaque From the balls of a yak, And the hair of an antelope's quim." 40143 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-3015 There was an old harlot named Skillings Who went to the dentist for fillings. In a fit of depravity, He filled the wrong cavity, So each cancelled the other one's billings. 40144 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-2305 A buddhist, with great lamentation, Saw the dentist with much animation. Despite the man's pain He refused novocaine, To transcend dental medication. 40145 MEDICAL - DENTAL Make the most of your daughter and son; With good dental work, you'll have won. Get them fillings of gold -- So that they can be sold At a much higher price than with none! 40146 MEDICAL - DENTAL Mark Levy P9508 Said a dentist, "Ma'am, please open wider" For he couldn't quite fit it inside her. But try as he might, It was just too damn tight, But he was determined to ride her! 40147 MEDICAL - DENTAL "That needle will hurt, I surmise"; "Of course not," my dentist replies, As he plunges it in With a real fiendish grin, And a devilish look in his eyes. 40148 MEDICAL - DENTAL Peter Wilkins A woman with sparkling incisors, Thought brushing would make her much wiser. So she brushed night and day, Till she wore them away, Which astonished her dental advisors. 40149 MEDICAL - DENTAL Ryan Waldron A dentist by name of McGavity Was subject to fits of depravity. On his chair sat a maid And her teeth she displayed, But he probed and he filled the wrong cavity. 40150 MEDICAL - DENTAL Albin Chaplin 3024-0263 To women a dentist named Gunn Did something he shouldn't have done; The soul of depravity, He'd fill the wrong cavity, Admitting he found it more fun. 40151 MEDICAL - DENTAL Armand E Singer 702 A dental assistant named Floss Liked to fool 'round with her boss. For a really good time In his chair they'd recline, While the patients grew cobwebs and moss. 40152 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES A dental assistant named Floss Liked to fool around with her boss. When the drilling was done, They'd both have some fun, But think of the money he lost. 40153 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES A dental assistant named Floss Liked to fool around with her boss. "I'll do you one time For a buck ninety-nine", These words on her butt were embossed. 40154 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES One limericking punster, forsooth, Made fun of my missing front tooth. This bothered my soul, So I filled up the hole With a poultice of gin and vermouth. 40155 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES Don Tidwell The dentist accepted my plate, And asked if I cared to wait. I told him okay, But I need it today, To recoil from this terrible fate. 40156 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES Don Tidwell So he took out a tool from his kit, And advised that "This won't hurt a bit." Then with plaster and glue, He produced something new, But whatever it was, didn't fit. 40157 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES Don Tidwell So now when you gaze on my face, You'll know something is out of place; It resembles a snout 'Cause the tooth sticks straight out, And makes eating a social disgrace! 40158 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES Don Tidwell A dental assistant, Ms. Ross Was blowing the dentist, her boss. He came with a jerk, And said, "Back to work." She said, "Just as soon as I floss." 40159 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES Wiley Ms. Ross was ill used, it is plain. The dentist is clearly a pain: If Ms. Ross were workin' On the good doctor's gherkin, He should've come with her, or feign. 40160 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES Ross I watched a good movie of like; One where the dentist's a tyke. With funny Steve Martin, Those lips wide a-partin', He couldn't (tho' tried) clog a dyke. 40161 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES Then entered this babe called Chantel Wearing nothing but "Coco - Chanel". She lay on his chair As he, with great care Positioned to root her canal. 40162 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES I had some teeth pulled yesterday; Mouth swollen and hair in disarray. The doctor was cruel Pulling out that jewel And that one there, three I do say. 40163 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES "Wisdom teeth" they are called, I think; The mouthwash I have sure does stink. But a question, Doc, Why not just a rock? Its so much better out've the rink. 40164 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES It took a few good strong yanks; The tooth fairy must empty banks, To line his pocket, And not my rocket -- I'm not sure I should've said thanks. 40165 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES It's not nice to think that I know, But they weren't that bad, my dear Flo'. They merely teethed, Pain not quite seethed. So out, did they really must go? 40166 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES The dentist was ever so kind. With his feet on my shoulders, combined With the strength of a horse And his pliers, of course, He extracted my teeth and my mind. 40167 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES Now listen, I'm not sympathetic; You shouldn't refuse anaesthetic. But you lay in that chair, With your fixed lustful stare, At his nurse with her charms so aesthetic. 40168 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES The dentist saw your great bone, As you stared at the lovely nurse Joan, And pulled every one Of your teeth, just for fun, To warn you to leave her alone. 40169 MEDICAL - DENTAL - SERIES It is said that an apple a day Will help keep the doctor away, But if that apple were green With a worm in between, You might wish for another entree. 40170 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Edwin J Weinstein The doc in the ER said, "Rest In bed for three days would be best." But I can't help but sneak, Out for a quick peak; It's boring in bed, I confess. 40171 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Pray tell why're you in ER? Did you exceed some limits by far? Is your blood work askew; What the hell did you do? Do you have to collect pee in a jar? 40172 MEDICAL - DOCTORS "Tomorrow," the doctor said, "double Your dosage of this, Mrs. Hubbell, And call me again If you feel better then. I'm having the very same trouble." 40173 MEDICAL - DOCTORS High Seriousness P8305 "When you don't treat a cold," Dr. Geek Said, "it lasts seven days. If you seek The advise right away Of your doctor, you may Get rid of the bug in a week." 40174 MEDICAL - DOCTORS P8305 A wonderful doctor is diet, Assisted by calmness and quiet. It prevents many ills And professional bills, But helps only people who try it. 40175 MEDICAL - DOCTORS R. J. Winkler P8503 A plan to draft doctors won't work! If you think that hippies could shirk; Just wait till you see The average MD Create a syndrome from a quirk! 40176 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Larry Davis P9408 If all doctors were drafted at will And the army would pay the health bill, Health coverage, now steep, Would be awfully cheap, For the Army's conditioned to kill. 40177 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Al Chaplin P9408 If health is the thing you adore, This logic will better your score. Since an apple a day Keeps the doctor away -- Two apples keeps two from the door. 40178 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Albin Chaplin 3024-2418 There once was a surgeon named Bollen Who fixed bones, both broken and swollen; "Soft organs ain't fun," He winked to his son, "And I'm not a great fan of the colon!" 40179 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Mark Levy P0203 His attitude was quite flip, As he gave the doctor some lip. "I'm a cross-dresser, see, And there's no curing me!" Said the doc, "you're a fraud in a slip." 40180 MEDICAL - DOCTORS At the hospital down a South bend, I was forced to protect my rear end. I had a dilemma; They gave me an enema And I just went to visit a friend! 40181 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Clarence Boyle P8906 I collected a small little virus; Doc Norton I thought he would hire us. He said "It's no good. I think that you should Take two asprin and see what transpirus!" 40182 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Jim Weaver Collection "My procedure," admitted Doc Friend, "And a good practice too, I contend. When my patients complain Waiting for me's a strain, I ignore them or else condescend." 40183 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9704 There once was an old maid named Proctor, Who had a big crush on her doctor. She balked at disrobing For intimate probing But giggled each time he defrocked her! 40184 MEDICAL - DOCTORS P8305 A gay went to see his physician. His trouble: Nocturnal emission. The wise doctor said, "Take a young boy to bed." Said the gay, "Doc, you're a magician!" 40185 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Ed Wolfert P8305 A hasher observed on his bum, A boil as big as his thumb. The doc said, "Let's lance it," The hasher said, "Eat shit! Medice, cura te ipsum." (physician, heal thyself) 40186 MEDICAL - DOCTORS FB A woman consulted her Dr. And what he said really Shr. When she called him a liar, She set his temper on fire. So what did he do? He Sr. 40187 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Ed Wolfert P8305 I finally escaped from that pest, And the doctor said, after the test, No doubt you feel numb -- You were just overcome. Go home and have a night's rest." 40188 MEDICAL - DOCTORS A crafty old doc from Montpelier, Always said to the girls. "I can heal yer; But first please undress So I don't have to guess, But can see yer and smell yer and feel yer." 40189 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Million Laughs CD-ROM The doctor good manners is taught And he gives every statement due thought. To a lady he'll say, "How's your throat feel today?" But he never will ask, "How's your twat?" 40190 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Albin Chaplin 3024-2327 His bedside manner's outrageous, Though meant, to be sure, to assuage us. He scratches our itches And keeps us in stitches: Moreover, his humor's contagious. 40191 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Laurence Perrine P8503 There was an old woman named Bea Who paid the good doctor a fee, Because she thought it best To check pains in her breast; His diagnosis: she sprained her knee. 40192 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Tom Patton P0001 A nutty old doctor named Green Thought he'd try out a brand new vaccine; Gave himself an injection That cured the infection, And even grew hair on his thing. 40193 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Before surgery, old Dr. Buell Tells his patients that they, as a rule, Can't even have tea, Because, of course, he Attended an IV league school. 40194 MEDICAL - DOCTORS A. N. Wilkins P8503 A limpid old fellow was Gene; His cock was the deadest I've seen. But a doctor named Sears Worked for forty two years, And he kept it alive by machine. 40195 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Albin Chaplin 3024-0456 The crud that Bludde had in his bones Was taken in stride by Doc Jones. But what gave Jones despair Was Bludde's kidney repair, And extracting from Bludde all the stones. 40196 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Albin Chaplin 3024-2457 A doctor who wasn't too sure If the serum would kill or would cure, Said, "I'll try it just once. If it kills, I'm a dunce; If it cures, I'm a Louis Pasteur." 40197 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Warrick Elrod From Paris to Spain to New Delhi, All doctors, I learned on the telly, Remain right in line, And for breakfast I find, They all prefer surgical jelly. 40198 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Al Willis P9702 A wealthy physician named Cheevers Was lauded by hosts of believers. He was asked to explain How his wealth he did gain. "I am grateful," he said, "for small fevers." 40199 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Albin Chaplin 3024-2494 An apple, for some, may suffice, But permit me to give some advice: Just a limerick a day Keeps the doctor away. No more pills, no more fruit; you'll save twice! 40200 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Squeaky The student doctor was doing his rounds, He was thinking just how many lbs He was losing in weight With his nice steady gait, As his heartbeats were in leaps and bounds. 40201 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Arthur Pattaffy Said a pediatrician named Hurst, "Though of childhood diseases, the first Causes the patient great pain, To parents, it's plain That love is the least and the worst." 40202 MEDICAL - DOCTORS A. N. Wilkins P8502 I thought the good Doctor Munrow Knew every disease one could know, Till he rendered distraught A poor sick astronaut, By declaring he had "missle toe"! 40203 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Jim Weaver Collection All his staff he confused with theatrics, For his surviving few geriatrics, Were, due to his dosage, Propelled into dotage, And then kept alive with mere hat tricks! 40204 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Jim Weaver Collection Diagnoses of this medicaster, Ineluctably presage disaster, Which made him decide, When his patients all died, To hold himself out as a pastor! 40205 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Jim Weaver Collection His demeanor is modest and fine, For example, he paid a divine Compliment to his wife, For he said "On my life, She has much nicer in-laws than mine!" 40206 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Jim Weaver Collection Well, now he is sixty and mellow, And living on wheat germ and Jell-O. He's addicted to tennis, At which he's a menace, All in all, he's a marvelous fellow! 40207 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Jim Weaver Collection A young doctor who hails from Dezalls, Was born without any balls. Like a stallion bedecked, He stood there erect, And was asked, "Do you make house calls!". 40208 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Spent six hundred for Doc to say, "Don't lean on your elbow that way, Makes your fingers numb Then don't be so dumb." I spent too much, won't disobey. 40209 MEDICAL - DOCTORS This dictates my sex life disturbed; Positions available curbed. I can't lean like that, No more acrobat. My man is greatly perturbed. 40210 MEDICAL - DOCTORS The lawyers may suffer in Hades, And skippers drift limbo with maties. Doctors may be permitted Into Heaven admitted, But can stay there no longer than three days. 40211 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Res Ipsa An old obstretician named Lee Remarked, "I've done well, as you see, Because in my line, I have, rain or shine, So many men working for me." 40212 MEDICAL - DOCTORS P8305 Said the head of the Safety Commission, "Our speaker tonight's a physician Who constantly faces Accident cases -- Doc Sloan, the well known obstetrician!" 40213 MEDICAL - DOCTORS P8305 There was a young lady of York, Who was shortly expecting the stork, When the doctor walked in With a businesslike grin, A pickax, a spade, and a fork. 40214 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Most women I know of, enjoy Gruesome medical programs. Oh boy! If they're on the TV, They discuss 'em with glee, And the methods those doctors employ. 40215 MEDICAL - DOCTORS They appear to enjoy 'em the more Showing entrails and plenty of gore; And the sawing and drilling Of bones they find thrilling, Together with guts on the floor. 40216 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Said the aging ophthalmologist. "It's my own diagnosis I missed. The beam lodged in my eye I called a "mote" gone dry. When I do stuff like this, I get pissed." 40217 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9704 Opthalmologist, J. Bicker Trys, From whose shingle one just might surmise, Has drops, ointment and balm To make angry orbs calm. It reads simply, "A SITE FOR SORE EYES." 40218 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Loren C Fitzhugh P0203 There was an optician respectable, Who fell in his grinding receptacle. He later was found All garnished and ground To mince-meat, ant not a fine spectacle! 40219 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Rick Limmer T9711 An optician who practiced in Rye Sadly had only one eye. He'd given the other To somebody's brother And it wasn't the thing to ask why. 40220 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Michael Palin Here's a question designed to perplex. Concerning those girls who wear 'specs', If they get more passes Than girls without glasses, The optician's to blame, one suspects! 40221 MEDICAL - DOCTORS H Myers T9801 A roguish optician is Lee. To patients: "Oh say can you see...?" In the hope that one might, "...by the dawn's early light...", Then duet the Star Spangled B. 40222 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Irving Superior P8503 An orthopedist has just what it takes For treating your factures and aches. He's very well touted With no bones about it. It seems that he gets all the breaks. 40223 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Bob Giandomenico P8811 "For chills," said two doctors of Knox, "The patients must strip to their socks." So on each office visit, To strip nude is requisite -- And un-orthodox paradox! 40224 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Limericks Naughty & Gay The physician inquired, "So it's true. You consulted a pharmacist too? What foolish advice Did he give, Mr. Bryce?" "He said I should come to see you." 40225 MEDICAL - DOCTORS A. N. Wilkins P8306 Podiatrists work at the bottom Removing your corns if you've got 'em, Then easily ease A pedal disease Like plantar-type warts if you've caught 'em. 40226 MEDICAL - DOCTORS R. J. Winkler P8503 A maid with a simple complaint Was told by the doc what it ain't. "But what have I got? I know what it's not. I can't understand your explaint." 40227 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Edwin J Weinstein "An angry old doctor from Bray, Said, "There's a flower in my surgical tray. The smartass who put it there Will lose lots of pubic hair, With the help of my hot laser ray." 40228 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Mike O'Conner There was a sick man of Tobago Lived long on rice-gruel and sago; But at last, to his bliss, The physician said this -- "To a roast leg of mutton you may go." 40229 MEDICAL - DOCTORS R S Sharpe pub 1822 Bibby A brilliant physician named Hurst Was in livers, extremely well-versed. "Of liver men on this coast, I'm second greatest," he'd boast, "Alexander Portnoy is the first." 40230 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Michael Weinstein P8305 A seamy old surgeon was Fitches; His patients he patched without hitches. Whe asked how did it go, He replied, "Sew, sew, And I leave all my patients in stitches." 40231 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Albin Chaplin 3024-2571 The sex books of Doctor Methusalem Are the Word, from Key West to Jerusalem. But alas, you poor suckers, And would-be art fuckers-- He's C.I.A., picked to confoozle 'em. 40232 MEDICAL - DOCTORS G2427 The new sex manual by Doctors O'Quinn, McMasters and Johnson and McMinn; Enlightens, explains, Clarifies and contains A whole chapter on which end to put in. 40233 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Michael Weinstein P8305 The medical colonel's complexion Turned crimson at short arm inspection. That the armed personnel Numbered women as well, He recalled with a tart interjection! 40234 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Lance Payne P8305 To the doctor went old Mrs. Glitz For she had a bad case of the shits. But old Doctor Pittmann Was strickly a tit man, And he asked her to please show her tits. 40235 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Albin Chaplin 3024-2084 Even swimming, all knew Doctor Peck, As laps in the Club pool he'd trek. He took pains all could see That he was an M.D. By the stethoscope slung 'round his neck. 40236 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9704 There once was a physician named Fox Who could cure anything expect pox. While his colleague named Spathe Could cure pox by sheer faith. Now was that not a strange paradox? 40237 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9206 "Why do so many dull mediocrities Among those in the ranks of Hippocrates," Inquired Dr. Ayres, "Speak of public affairs As if each one supposed he were Socrates?" 40238 MEDICAL - DOCTORS A. N. Wilkins P8503 A surgeon whose last name was Cutter, At nights in his basement, he'd putter On squirrels and dogs And pigeons and frogs, And the things he'd found dead in the gutter. 40239 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Cap'n Bean P9812 Joe was ailing and went to Doc Moe. "Can you tell me what's wrong?" asked young Joe. The doctor said, "Son, We have ten tests to run, Before we find out we don't know." 40240 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Clarence Boyle P8906 A man to whom illness was chronic, When told that he needed a tonic, Said, "Oh, Doctor, Dear, Won't you, please, make it beer?" "No, No", said the Doc, "That's Teutonic". 40241 MEDICAL - DOCTORS But the annals of medicine show, New diseases are often thought so. You'd think that by now They would recognize how There are many things doctors don't know. 40242 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Alaine Perry The doctor said, "Here's my prognosis: He might later develop thrombosis. I don't like to mention, But it is my contention, He also has some halitosis." 40243 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Al Willis Now how could a girl feel depressed When seductively asked to undress? He was gentle but bold, His hands slightly cold.... As the Specialist fingered her breast! 40244 MEDICAL - DOCTORS A famous physician named Rex Who worked only on cases complex, Lost his fame and his touch 'Cause his hands shook so much From an over-abundance of sex. 40245 MEDICAL - DOCTORS P8305 A new-minted doctor named Durkee Seems just a bit oddball and quirky. He treated for migraine And abnormal eyestrain, The family's Thanksgiving turkey. 40246 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Armand E Singer 525 To the doctor went old Mrs. Scott, For the pain in her chest hurt a lot. Said the doctor, so wise, "Please spread out your thighs, And lets have a look at your twat." 40247 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Albin Chaplin 3024-2288 Writing orders, a doctor from Flaster Made his pen scribble faster and faster. He developed a scrawl That was unreadable; Left his patients at risk for disaster. 40248 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Jim Weaver Collection When urology patients were polled, The complaint that was most often told Was: In times of emergency, Calls made with urgency Always were answered, "Please hold." 40249 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Jerry Nordhal P2005 "This device," said Urologist Soint, "May appear strange, but more to the point, While it's somewhat frigid, It does remain rigid. What more could one ask a ball joint?" 40250 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Loren C Fitzhugh P9704 Said Urologists Rivers and Otter To incontinent patient Len Potter, "The reason you leak, Even now as we speak, You are changing your wine into water." 40251 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9710 "Dr. Freud, I'm beginning to fret; I dream of a sexy quintet With five patients of mine!" "Ach, Ich all ze time!" "No, Doctor, you see, I'm a vet!" 40252 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Tutta Gioia A veterinary surgeon from Fife Once dressed up to frighten his wife. When asked, "Is this wise?" He replied in surprise, "Where I come from this sort of thing's rife." 40253 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Michael Palin A fat pediatrician from Minsk Met a plump gyno-surgeon from Pinsk. They married in haste, Their talents to waste, As their children were all born so thin'sk. 40254 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Arthur Pattaffy A doctor who made a prognosis Said, "Madam, 'tis my diagnosis You have a touch Of flu in the crutch." He was wrong -- it was myxomatosis! (myxomatosis - mucoid degeneration and tumors; rabbit virus) 40255 MEDICAL - DOCTORS Spike Milligan P8304 A school boy who thought he could fake 'em, Told the doctor he felt a sharp ache come; The X-ray applied Showed all his inside Was looking as well as they make 'em. 40256 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Lims For Year - 01 Said the doc to a short tempered Jew, "Pray tell, Mister Sussman, did you Wake up grouchy today?" Sussman said, "Doctor Gray, No, I didn't. I let her sleep through." 40257 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Five Line Limericks P0306 Said the doc to a short-tempered Wop, "Don Romano, did you wake up, Perchance, grouchy today?" He replied, "Doctor Gray, No, I didn't. She sleeps like a top." 40258 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Arthur Deex P0306 Said the doc to a short-tempered Kraut, "Herr Stein, I have simply no doubt You woke grouchy today?" Herman said, "Doctor Gray, Nein, I left her to sleep the night out." 40259 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Arthur Deex P0306 When Doc said please open wide, So he could look deeper inside, Then didn't say naught, He appeared deep in thought. 'Twas bad news his demeanor implied. 40260 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein There once was a fellow called Rollo, Who agreed to a barium swallow. The thing that doc found Was his gut was quite round, And not only that, it was hollow. 40261 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein The doc said his pain was a fake Or simply "just a headache," So he gave him a pill, The pain for to kill And presented the bill at his wake. 40262 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein They wrapped the blood pressure cuff And squeezed the bulb with a puff. His nerves were on fire When the pressure rose higher. He smiled, but it's all a big bluff. 40263 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein I went to the Doc for a cold, That had been there so long it was old. It was hard to teach choir, To lead and inspire, And 'twas hard for fermata to hold. 40264 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Hilde na Beag So he listened with stethoscope cold, 'Til the metal got caught in the fold Of elastic in bra, As he said, "Say AH." And the string stretched out just like spun gold. 40265 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Hilde na Beag Then I raised my eyes and said right bold, "Will you please cut this string at the fold, Before it unravels Out there in my travels." Now he's the "Bra Doctor", I'm told. 40266 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Hilde na Beag There once was a drummer called Sam Who went in for a doctor's exam. He thought it quite neat To have the wild beat That jazzed up his cardiogram. 40267 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein It's not true that the doctor knows best When he listens to noise in your chest, Saying "Take a deep breath" And you hold it 'til death. He forgets that exhaling is next. 40268 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein The doctor examined Miss Pask; He took the old spinster to task. He said, "What I'm thinking, You will have to stop drinking, For you'll not find a prick in a flask!" 40269 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Albin Chaplin 3024-1374 There once was a doctor who said: "The tiredness is all in your head." So get out the door And exercise more -- And perk up your life instead 40270 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein So this guy with his head in the dump Got him some iron to pump. Took the doctors advice And exercised twice To try to get out of his slump. 40271 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein After trying to lift weights once more, A muscle in his back he then tore. With a bellowing tone, He found himself prone, And unable to get off of the floor. 40272 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein So this wretched miserable gent Back by ambulance to the doctor he went. Now told what was best Was to get "lots of rest And pour on the liniment." 40273 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein I went to the doctor who said, "You look awful -- now lie on this bed." Then he gave me a check-up From knee-cap to neck up And said, "You're most probably dead." 40274 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Peter Wilkins I said, "I hope you agree, Since I'm dead, this appointment is free." Then I got up to leave And just couldn't believe -- He charged me quadruple his fee. 40275 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Peter Wilkins I find that man the physician Has no sense at all of contrition, For poking your butt And squeezing your nut; The bill is beyond recognition. 40276 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS MrMalo You can hear the violins fiddle While you ponder this puzzling riddle: You have to think twice About diet advice From a doc with a paunch in his middle. 40277 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein There was a smart miss with a hernia, Who said to her doctor, "Gol dern ya, When improving my middle, Be sure you don't fiddle, With matters that do not concern ya." 40278 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Heywood Broun L1180 "Cholesterol's high", said the doc, "Eat oatmeal for breakfast, old sock, And you would be smart To strengthen your heart, With a daily walk around the block!" 40279 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Observer So, oatmeal for breakfast he downed, Then walked the whole block, all around; He went home to cool Himself in the pool, But, cramping, the healthy fool drowned. 40280 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Travis Brasell The cramps, though, were caused by a venom His wifey had sprayed on his denim -- See, the wife and the Doc Had poisoned Old Sock And split the insurance betwenim! 40281 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Brian Belge It just goes to show what they say Is the truth, and you can't go astray. You can still do your part To enstrengthen your heart, But we all end up dead, anyway. 40282 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Liam na Beag I went to the doctor with lumps; Just thinking that I had the mumps. For the sake of this verse, He said it was worse, The near unpronouncable nunps! 40283 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS The doctors all said it was simple: "It's not to worry! This pimple Though festered and hairy And looking so scary, Is only an inside-out dimple!" 40284 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Anon I went to the doctor and sat for a fee, And asked him, "Whatever's the matter with me?" He looked in my mouth And at joints north and south, "Diagnosis: Incurable atrophy!" 40285 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Laurence Perrine P8305 A spastic fellow named Kirk Had reflexes that were more than berserk. When doc struck his patella, This mucular fella Kicked him a mile with his jerk. 40286 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein My young doctor, Alice, just flung A strange diagnosis, that hung Like a cloud overhead, The moment she said: "A shadow you have on your lung." 40287 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS She grinned down at me, and I knew, The words that she'd spoken were true. The shadow in quest- ion was that of her breast, That the overhead filament threw. 40288 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Poor Jeff, saw his doc, said, "he's tired." A vitamin was all he desired. But the doc said he'd try To find out just why As a sloth, Jeff seemed to be mired. 40289 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein He was examined from his head to his toe, To seek out the cause of his woe. To be honestly frank, The doc came up a blank; Told Jeff, to the lab he must go. 40290 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein Jeff took each test in the book; There were none he dared overlook. From a forearm vein, He saw his blood drain, And the funds from his own pocketbook. 40291 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein Stumbling and unable to walk, Jeff then returned to his doc. "Tell me what's wrong; This has gone on too long; And my home, I've now had to hock." 40292 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein Said the doc, "I'm not being unkind, But it seems it was all in your mind. It would be better instead, If we examined your head, And to a shrink, you start to unwind." 40293 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein Poor Jeff, in a desperate state, Went to a pub his tale to relate. The iron in wine Made him feel fine, And his thoughts he could now liquid-ate. 40294 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein Dr Blum made a final report On a problem he's trying to thwart. "The urine sample Just wasn't ample, Only drops when I asked for a quart." 40295 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Tom Patton P9704 Said the buxom young lady in France, As she looked at her doctor askance, "Your manner is clinical, I'm sorry I'm cynical, But what is that bulge in your pants?" 40296 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Arnie Schoenbrun P0312 "Why, doctor, you sly little pup; You noticed my bra is E-cup. You call this palpation; It's not my 'magination;, I think you're just feeling me up!" 40297 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Arnie Schoenbrun P0312 Said the doctor, "Now don't make a fuss. The bulge in my pants is a truss. I think it is wise For tits of that size, To have their own seat on the bus." 40298 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Arnie Schoenbrun P0312 The doctor examined her carefully, Paying special attention from waist to knee. The next day she found out The duplicitous lout Was a doctor, but just of philosophy. 40299 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Arnie P0110 The lady who went to Doc Fretter Was asked to remove pants and sweater. He injected some plasma To take care of asthma, But it just made her pussy feel better. 40300 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Albin Chaplin Appeal 1376 There once was a girl with a pain Whose cause was sought, but in vain. When she'd spent all her money For tests, they said, "Honey, It must be because you're insane." 40301 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein Jane came with a list that was long; Told the doc he was treating her wrong. The doc shook his head And figured instead The placebo he gave was too strong. 40302 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein There once was a patient called Bill Who was given a tri-colored pill. "Take doc's advice, Swallow two of them twice, Or soon you'll be over the hill." 40303 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein Said Bill to the doc, "I'm inclined To think that you're smart, but I find That these pills are so big, They'd choke a stuffed pig, And the colors will soon make me blind. 40304 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein So Bill took the pills with a gripe After hearing doc's medical hype. He did as he's told; Got rid of the cold, But his skin has a three-colored stripe. 40305 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein The best part is right in the middle; Hold the cup there when you piddle. Doc wants a sample. Make sure it's ample So he can solve your disease riddle. 40306 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Marty TP9807 Poor Jim at the doctor's request Had an X-ray exam of his chest. A spot that they found Was two inches around. 'Twas a coin that showed through from his vest. 40307 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - EXAMS Edwin J Weinstein I've proof from a couple of docs That I've nothing untoward in my socks; Although Doctor Michelle Is amazed at the swell, That she sees in the front of my jocks. 40308 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE There once was a doctor named Jane Who thought her job was a big pain. She preferred liberal arts To red tape and clogged hearts, And embraced English Lit once again. 40309 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Emily There once was a doctor named Jack, Who had something wrong with his back. A young girl chiropractor Testified he attacked her, But she soon beat him off with a whack. 40310 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Neal Wilgus P8402 There was a young medical student Whose stethoscope was badly bent. Listening with her ear To her patients rear, That wasn't at all what she meant! 40311 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Sam Schleman My doctor would tell me no lies. [She has glorious heavenly thighs] When she gave me a check-up, From pecker to neck up, She said I was big for my size. 40312 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE A patient named Archibald Proctor Was hot for the young lady doctor. "Doc, check out this boner, 'Cause soon I'm a goner, And then what good is a cock for?" 40313 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Jim Weaver Collection A chiropodist -- friends call her Dawn -- Used to do people's feet on her lawn; But the neighbors complained When a lady, unnamed, Was hit in the eye by a corn. 40314 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Michael Palin The female Doc said, "Do take care, I think you've a hernia there." A lady was she -- So she meant, you see: "It's nice to see you really care." 40315 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Larry Davis P9505 The resident doctor, Miss Spelling, Diagnosed in a moment my swelling. Moreover, her cure Was instant and sure. I'm well now, but now she is swelling. 40316 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Lance Payne P8305 Brenda taught advanced proctology. After a brief time in psychology. Now she sees many butts. Her nurses call her," Doc Nuts." Now she's behind in phrenology. 40317 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE David J Stein P0110 "Come in and strip off", said the doc. "What the fuck... ?", I said, reeling from shock, "Who are you?" He said, "John." "So where's Jane?" "Oh, she's gone. Let me see what you've done to your cock." 40318 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE "But why has Doc Jane done a run- ner?" "Unethical practices, son. We dismissed her last week After nurse took a peek, And reported her clothing undone." 40319 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Now nurse can't be certain whose tense Throbbing dick made poor Jane lose her sense; But she knew all along, Fucking patients was wrong And a medical council offence. 40320 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE But Jane's in denial. On Friday, We want you attending an ID Parade in the nude, For your dick to be viewed In Jane's surgery here by young Heidi. 40321 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE "Young Heidi?" "The nurse", said the doctor, "The incident's shaken and shocked 'er; She's only eighteen; Well, you know what I mean; She's a virgin and no-one's defrocked 'er." 40322 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE And now to the ID parade; There were five other guys. I was made To strip down to my vest, And line up with the rest With my 'membrum virile' displayed. 40323 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Then in through the surgery door Came young Heidi who stood right before Us and studied the line- Up of specimens fine With a look of amazement and more. 40324 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE She stopped for awhile when she saw Me and whispered, "It's you; I'm quite sure." Then she blew me a kiss, Did that naughty young miss, As my dick slowly rose from the floor. 40325 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE "OK now; get dressed; you may go", Said the doctor in charge of the show. Once outside in the rain, I met Heidi again And asked, "Why didn't you let them all know?" 40326 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE She giggled and winked as she said, "Well, I won't if you take me to bed." So whenever my tip Gets caught up in my zip, Now I ask for nurse Heidi instead. 40327 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE I was next in the line for the Doc, And so on her door I did knock. But her hair was all mussed, And she looked full of lust, My dong went as hard as a rock. 40328 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE I gave that young doc an injection, Which thereby removed my erection. Then home I did dash, But I soon got a rash... Oh Pete, have I caught your infection? 40329 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE I caught my poor dick in a zip So I went to the doc who said, "Strip." (Now I wasn't in pain But my doctor is Jane, And I do love her wonderful grip.) 40330 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Of course I pretended the pain Was intense and I said to her, "Jane, Would you hold it a while?" And she flashed me a smile, And said, "Pete, have you done it again?" 40331 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE I nodded and felt myself rise, As her hands gently fondled my thighs; So I moved myself near To her chair as my spear Started pointing straight up to the skies. 40332 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE "Examine it please, Doctor Jane, For this throbbing is causing me pain." And then (wondrous delight) She encircled it tight In her hand which near drove me insane. 40333 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE It seemed by the flush on her cheek, She'd been celibate most of the week; So I put my hand down To unbutton her gown, And I gave her hard nipples a tweak. 40334 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Her fingers encircling my knob Began stroking. (I sure had a job Keeping totally cool With her hand round my tool, For I felt that familiar throb.) 40335 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE I could tell by her whimpering sighs And the lustfulness filling her eyes, That she needed my rod, And she muttered, "Dear God", As she opened her quivering thighs. 40336 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE "No panties?" I said. She said, "No." So I knelt 'tween her thighs for a hoe; Then my dick found her hot Clenching dripping wet spot, And she moaned as we let ourselves go. 40337 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE She met every thrust of my spire With a moan and a shout of desire, Until, "Do it!" she screamed, As we shuddered and creamed Simultaneously quenching our fire. 40338 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE For a minute or two we'd not speak, As we slowly climbed down from the peak. Then she said with a grin, "I'm so glad you came in." And I smiled and said, "See you next week." 40339 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE I said to my Sex Therapist, "My problem is getting me pissed." To first get her fee, She orgasmed me, Then "Go see a urologist." 40340 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Irving Superior P9408 My Monday night Sex Therapist; Her "How to Erections Get" list. I phoned Tuesday morn And asked her, forlorn, "On number nine: right or left fist?" 40341 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Irving Superior P9408 My Monday night Sex Therapist; Her "How to Erections Get" list. If you send to me An SASE... Meanwhile exercise either wrist. 40342 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Irving Superior P9408 Brown envelope, if you insist. Includes tricks Dr. Ruth missed. The dangers of "Quick Reverse Twist." For Five, see discreet pharmacist. See footnote, "UP YOUR ANALyst." 40343 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Irving Superior P9408 While snapping her surgical gloves on, Delectable doctor Eve Loveson Remarked on my stiffy And said, "In a jiffy You'll soon be in heaven above, son." 40344 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE The first doc is an oncologist; The second's a female phrenologist. 'Cause experts at lumps Rarely get beyond bumps, The third is a keen gynecologist. 40345 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Jim Weaver Collection There was an old doctor named Shuler; I thought that she couldn't be purer. But then she turned mean And mightly unclean; In Hades she will be the ruler! 40346 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - FEMALE Joi The wife of a doctor named Hong Spread her legs and said "Slip me the dong!" Said the doc, "I am beat; There's no life in my meat. I've been looking at cunts all day long." 40347 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2980 The new gynecologist Birch Amongst doctors did hold the top perch. He had learned his vocation As a cop in the station, Who conducted the cavity search. 40348 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin At the movies I pay a good price To see all the pussies so nice. But the doctor, so gay, Looks at pussies all day, And he charges ten bucks for advice. 40349 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2239 So meet gynecologist Pete. I shall tickle your fancy, my sweet; And however perverse You may want it, dear "nurse", I shall whip up your favourite treat. 40350 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY If I lay on your table in stirrups, While you tidy your tools and your gear-ups, You'd gaze at my cookie And dream of sweet nookie, With gloves on to play in my syrups. 40351 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Poor Pearl, now in utter despair, Phoned her doctor for help, I declare. You may ask how I know -- I'm her doctor and so I'll examine her privately there. 40352 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY To his wife said the doctor of Natchez, "All day I've checked twats in big batches. I am too beat to lay So I can't fuck today, And I'm fed up with looking at snatches." 40353 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2204 To the doctor went poor Mrs. Potts; The pain in her pussy hurt lots. Said old Doctor McLouth, "Let me look in your mouth, For I fed up with looking at twats." 40354 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2238 The cunt doctor, Ephram Q. Luntz, Was expert at transforming cunts. He healed chancres and sores In the foulest of whores, And approved them by licking them once. 40355 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-1729 Gynecologists all bite their nails. They learn not to look in the males, And they always are sure If a gal isn't pure. They spread -- when they can -- old wives' tails! 40356 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY John Dohner P8804 Gynecologist's office, Bob Guild, Is next to dentist Rob Shilled. New patient, Ms. Blake, Got wrong office by mistake. When stripped, stirruped, "Need two pulled and one filled." 40357 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Henry Mucha If you'll just take the knee-chest position, I can tell more about your condition. I'll tune up your womb To make room for the groom, For I gather, you're planning coition. 40358 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY G1708 Gynecologists asked her once more, "Have you a had a check-up there before?" "A Czech?" she said "No! Just a Russian or so... And Hungarians? Lord! By the score!" 40359 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Vasser W. Smith P9307 Said young gynecologist, Moriphus, "My dear, I'm in no humor for a fuss! "I'm tired and depressed, And I must have some rest -- I've had a hard day at the orifice! 40360 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY P8305 A gynecologist by the name of Schwartz, Had trouble storing his aborts. His assistant named Lars Found him some jars, Sized from liters to gallons to quarts. 40361 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Puff Adder A new gynecologist named Scott Found he knew diddly squat About sex, 'cause he'd never Been so clever As to go out on a date that was hot. 40362 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Henry Mucha A young gynecologist, Heep, Worked long and he often lost sleep. For he had an obsession To improve his profession, And his hand in a good thing to keep. 40363 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2105 Said the young gynecologist Schick As he probed in the crotch of a chick, "I am through, please relax. You can put on your slacks, And you'd better let go of my prick." 40364 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2280 Gynecologists, (I've got a hunch), And the pizza delivery bunch, Being red-blooded jocks, They can both sniff the box, In which neither of them gets to munch! 40365 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Cybe R Wizard "Yes, gynecologic admission... You can't see? Why not see an optician? Okay sir, don't panic; Here's a pussy mechanic; I'll ask him about this condition." 40366 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Tiddy Ogg "It seems, doctor, this fellow's lass is Distressed, more and more, as time passes. She really can't cope, So please have a grope, And try to remove the fool's glasses." 40367 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Tiddy Ogg So fellows, if you be short-sighted, And lustfulness gets you excited, Before oral sex, Please take off your specs, Or for seconds, you'll not be invited. 40368 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Tiddy Ogg We sweet gals don't like getting passes From silly guys who must wear glasses. When they take some licks, From our sugar sticks, Don't want glasses stuck up our asses. 40369 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Marlene Lewis In OB/GYN, Doctor Hunt, When at college played football; a runt, Though too light for the line, In the backfield did fine, And had great hands for catching a punt. 40370 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Bob Giandomenico P0203 A young gynecologist, Fred, Has seen so many pussy-flaps spread, Showing acres of twat, (Some with gangrene and rot), He prefers to screw chickens instead. 40371 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY A hot-blooded damsel, Miss Pickett, Had a hickey flare up in her thicket. The young doctor said, "Now lady, get spread, It's obvious, I'll have to prick it!" 40372 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY A young gynecologist Ray, Had a hard-on at work through the day. But at home, it subsided -- Left his wife unprovided, For his pecker was too soft to lay. 40373 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2254 Most docs on the links will cavort, While dentists find tennis their forte. But GYN's and OB's Think it is the bee's knees: Spelunking in caves is their sport. 40374 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY TuttaGioia The cunt doctor looks and he feels And ponders each crotch as he kneels. Then he writes so obscure A prescription for cure, But it seems that the wound never heals. 40375 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - GYNECOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-0441 Graham said to a man sick in bed, "You're not ill, it is all in your head." Sometime later that day To the corpse he did say, "Hold on to your faith, you're not dead." 40376 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Al Chaplin PO107 A doc with our Jane had a fling; Her climax he never could bring. "They told me, don't screw An anaesthetist, you Will find that you don't feel a thing." 40377 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT A doctor whose last name was Beamer, Was such an incredible dreamer. Orthopedic nightmares, Bony mental affairs With an ulna, a sternum and femur. 40378 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Bob Birch P0107 In his lab, an old doctor named Pease Produced a new serum with ease; And to all did expound That a cure he had found For which there was no known disease. 40379 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Albin Chaplin 3024-2739 An affluent doctor who quacked us, Was indicted and tried for malpractice. His sole diagnosis Was chronic osmosis, For which prescribed a raw cactus. 40380 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT P8303 That flakey faith healer of Deal Lay down on his bed of cold steel; And he found at that juncture That such weird acupuncture Cured ailments imagined and real. 40381 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Arthur Deex P8507 As the professor prepared a full syringe, His entourage didn't mutter or cringe. They were rather afraid An error could be made, As the prof had been out on the binge. 40382 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Arthur Pattaffy "I'll be back again, miss, tomorrow, see, And each day thereafter, 'cause morally," Hippocrates bleated, "This must be repeated, And even, perhaps, given orally." 40383 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Facing every known cure for pollution, Homeopathy;s impure solution, For each trait, kind or cruel, Stays in each molecule, After multiple rounds of dilution. 40384 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Paul Niquette "Incompetent moron," thought Maud, With her bum in the air feeling bored; For her nearsighted doctor Had gone and defrocked her And gasped in surprise, "How extraord...!" 40385 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Peter Wilkins "What you have here, to be blunt, Is an asshole instead of a cunt. And your head's twisted 'round To the back where I've found Where your tits are! You're built back-to-front!" 40386 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Peter Wilkins I went to a doctor named Jack; I'm beginning to think he's a quack. He ordered pink pills For all of my ills, As I still lie flat on my back. 40387 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401 A quack of a doctor named Patrick Did something quite wrongly iatric; Through careless purgations He did in three patients And bragged, "I've just managed the hat trick!" 40388 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Armand E Singer 793 I went to old fashioned Doc Beeches. He said: "Go on boy, drop your breeches; Now look at nurse Helen... I'll deal with that swellin'." And then applied dozens of leeches. 40389 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Tiddy Ogg Turned out that the doc misconstrued him; And the man said "That doc, he is lewd him!" Turned out it was gout, So the man turned about, Got a good lawyer and sued him. 40390 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT I've worked with some medical misfits! Arrogant, unscrupulous sharp wits! Who boasted and bragged Till the nurses all gagged, For those docs were like pustular zits. 40391 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Maggie A podiatrist here in Iraq Claims his skill is based on a knack, For straightening toes With the tip of his nose -- But a few people think him a quack. 40392 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Norm Storer P0209 Doctors of Med education Face spelling and Rx situation, In a way uniform, They use cuneiform To hid defects of their vocation. 40393 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Chris Papa When my doctor writes a prescription, His script is beyond description. The pharmacist must guess, "Is that a 'p' or an 's'?" It's an exercise in decryption. 40394 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Norm Brust I declared to my doctor, "Look here, My old prostate is swollen, I fear." But the imbecile said, "It's all in your head," And proceeded to finger my ear. 40395 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Don Moore P0107 Slim developed a pain in his back And when treated, you'd hear his bones crack. Though twisted and bent, This astonishing gent Enjoyed the Rx of a quack. 40396 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Edwin J Weinstein In the windowless room while I wait After sigmo and cysto -- too late? With the laying of hands And fingers on glands, I recall QUACK is his vanity plate. 40397 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Robert V. Davis P9704 The surgeons must read so that they'll Keep abreast of each tiny detail. As I lay on the table, I was feeling unstable, 'Cause my surgeon was reading in Braille. 40398 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Al Willis P9704 Yesterday the hand surgeon said, For two days please stay in your bed. And wear this arm band, It will keep your hand, Up in the air over your head. 40399 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Now I'm in this ridiculous pose; I can't sleep or even just doze. I need help to dress, And clean up my mess, But at least I can pick my own nose. 40400 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT It sounds like your doctor's a quack, But while you're confined to your back, Please do me a favor And let me now savor The taste of your twat for a snack. 40401 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT The doctor said, "Jane, I've bad news; I've cut off your legs; please excuse Me. I am so sorry; The good news is Florrie, My nurse, paid ten bucks for your shoes. 40402 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Travis Brasell A German trichologist said, Impatiently scratching his head, "I hate my name Fritz, It's the absolute pits; Will you call me Herr Doktor instead." 40403 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT There was a queer doctor from Putney, Who told a young man that his cut knee Would heal quicker if treated With a poultice of heated Asparagus powder and chutney. 40404 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Alexander Baron A doctor who made a prognosis Said, "Madame, 'tis my diagnosis You have a touch Of flu in the crutch." He was wrong - it was myxomatosis! 40405 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INEPT Spike Milligan P0108 There once was an intern named Homer Who admitted his one-millionth Gomer. He had fevers and chills And took thrity-eight pills And some blackish stuff oozed from his stoma. (gomer - get out of my emergency room) 40406 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 He had recently had several faints And unspecified gastric complaints. In the name of what's holy, He'd pulled out his Foley, And chewed through the leather restraints. 40407 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 On exam, he was markedly dyspneic, (short of breath) Cyanotic, demented, tachypneic, (breathing fast) He had tabes dorsalis (tertiary syphyllis) And smelled like Vitalis And had a remarkably stiff neck. (meningitis symptom) 40408 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 He had Kernig's sign and Brudzinski's (menigitis symptoms) With bilateral blooming Babinskis. (bad nuerology) When you tapped on his nose, He wiggled his toes, And clubbing was seen in his pinkies. (low oxygen chronic) 40409 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 His sodium was one-eleven. His potaassium came back at seven. His bicarb was late, But his pH was eight, And his B.U.N. one-ninety-seven. (metabolic abnormalities) 40410 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 At Nurse Nightengale's urgent request, Homer fitted him with a vest. (Posey restraint vest) The patient lost heart, Gave a thunderous fart, And settled his brains for a rest. 40411 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 Homer called the attending, McSnappum, Who uttered just three words: "Let's tap him." (spinal tap) It took twenty-three tries. Homer thought, tears in eyes, "If McSnappum were here, I would slap him." 40412 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 The CSF Tech, name of Herm, (cerebrospinal fluid tech) Paged Homer with news of the germ. "There's nine million cells And it certainly smells And I've spotted a few motile sperm." 40413 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 Just then some disaster embolic (blood clot breaks loose) Rendered Homer's old gnome asystolic. (no heart beat) Though they paged Dr. Shronds, He slipped earth's surly bonds And skipped off to pastures bucolic. 40414 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 "Harumph!" said T. Rosborous, reddening, "Your clinical skills must be deadening. Next time you must check On the veins in his neck, (check signs of fluid overload) And chelate all of the lead in him." 40415 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 A medical student named Hetrick Is learned in matters obstetric. From a glance at the toes, Of the mother, he knows If the foetus's balls are symmetric. 40416 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS L0932 A medical student from Burke Had tackle that just wouldn't work; Though luscious and massive, Could only stay passive And drove every night-nurse berserk. 40417 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Hugh Oliver A108A On hearing the case, Terry Rosborous Said quietly, "What was the phosphorous?" "We checked it for fun-- It was zero-point-one," Mumbled Homer. "We thought it preposterous." 40418 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - INTERNS Cliff Packer P9311 Abdominal misery had Spurgeon; His pains from appendix did burgeon. To most men on this earth No appendix has worth, But it's valued quite high by a surgeon. 40419 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Albin Chaplin 3024-2803 The near-bankrupt Doctor Von Bursis Depended on registered nurses. Though a man in his prime, He used his free time To check not their bods, but their purses. 40420 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Tucker D. Ott P9001 The elegant swan does attract us, Though sometimes his manners distract us. Like his action so crass With his bill up his ass -- It's a trick that a doctor should practice. 40421 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Albin Chaplin 3024-2938 Here's some advice that's first class, Applying to doctors en masse -- They should swans emulate, And their stock will inflate; They should all shove their bills up their ass. 40422 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Albin Chaplin 3024-1993 The doctor has talents so varied, But his patients are worried and harried, For their cure is protracted Till their cash is extracted, And mistakes are conveniently buried. 40423 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Albin Chaplin 3024 P9704 There was a poor fellow named Will, A doctor's call made him quite ill. It wasn't the prescription That caused the conniption; He died when he opened the bill! 40424 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Jean H. Gimbut P9202 Said the Doc to the sick patient, Lear, "In six months, you'll unlikely be here." Says Lear, "Can't pay my bill 'Cause my cash flow is nil." Says the Doc, "I'll extend you a year!" 40425 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Observer Poor Will had a devilish plight; Said doc, "Don't be so uptight." Said Will, "It's not funny; I can't pay you the money." Now guess who's not feeling quite right? 40426 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Edwin J Weinstein The doctors have learned all the tricks; The ear, nose, and throat how to fix. And for ten bucks a grunt, They will look at a cunt And make fortunes from assholes and pricks. 40427 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Albin Chaplin 3024-2344 Those doctors who cut up your guts Are out for the money, not nuts. When they scrape out your pooper, It's the dough they find super: The MONEY!--no if's, and's, or but's! 40428 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY G1397 A patient of old Dr. Gilmore Asked, "Why, when you charge, do you bill more?" The old doctor replied, "They can't pay when they've died, And lately I find that I kill more." 40429 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Albin Chaplin 3024-2591 When nine out of ten use brand A To keep a headache away. Why does the other Prefer still another, Or wasn't he offered the pay? 40430 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Edwin J Weinstein A Bronx plastic surgeon named Roark Can double the length of your dork. At a thousand an inch, The doc is a cinch To own the whole town of New York. 40431 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY P8305 The doctor is certain I will Never choke when I'm trying to fill My stomach with food, But he does find it rude If I choke when I'm reading his bill. 40432 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Charlie Roe Sven, a doctor with many degrees, Who worked hard and charged nominal fees, Said, "I sadly discern, That some lazy slobs earn What I do, and with much greater ease! 40433 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Sal R When I go to the doc, he does sieze, And I hope he enjoys what he sees. As over I turn, And he looks with concern, But I fear that he only fee sees. 40434 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Albin Chaplin 3024-2701 A famous old surgeon named Sill, Say his patients, while treating the ill, Does not at this juncture Employ acupuncture. He sticks them, instead, with his bill. 40435 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY X P8305 A doctor chases ills With multitudes of pills, And makes you feel Alive and real Until you see his bills. 40436 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY P8305 A homeopath from Darjeeling Was dedicated to healing. But now at one stroke He's bankrupt and broke, 'Cause he never charged more than one sheeling. 40437 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - MONEY Spike Mulligan In the post-Christian age it's regressional, But the need for the shrink is obsessional. With some patients, at least, He's supplanted the priest, And the couch is the modern confessional. 40438 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES A. N. Wilkins P9201 All physicians when known as "the late," On arriving at the Pearly Gate, Must be seen and then judged. Since God's schedule won't budge, They'll be forced to wait, wait, wait, and wait. 40439 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Loren Fitzhugh P0205 While waiting her turn to be seen, She re-read her third magazine. And from what she had learned, She discovered what turned Her urine to bright Kelly green. 40440 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Edwin J Weinstein I hurried so, not to be late To discover what is my fate. The doc does not care How long you sit there, If he's not the one that must wait. 40441 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Marlene Lewis "I've got this terrible pain in my head." "Fill out the form", the nurse said. "But by the time I get through With page one-hundred and two, Both you and I will be dead!" 40442 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Edwin J Weinstein Moaned an analyst, bent in a crouch, As he grabbed at his genitals, "Ouch! It's only for science I screw female clients-- But really, I need a new couch!" 40443 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Norm Storer P9201 There once was a doctor named Clancy Who lived on lower Delancy. Though the office seemed spare, He gave very good care, Though the treatment he gave wasn't fancy. 40444 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Edwin J Weinstein To the doctor came sickly Miss Proctor, He stepped into the room and unfrocked her. But the doc looked so rotten, That her ills were forgotten -- She felt better on seeing the doctor. 40445 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Albin Chaplin P0105 While awaiting your turn to be seen, Your engrossed in some old magazine, When the nurse calls your name. You look up in disdain, Thinking thoughts that are almost obscene. 40446 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Edwin J Weinstein The patients were lined up in rows, Depressed with all of their woes. Yet their doctor, it seems, Teed off on the greens. Why they stayed? Nobody knows. 40447 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Edwin J Weinstein The doctor said be there at eight; And woe unto me if I'm late. But at quarter to nine, I was still in the line. The doc had too much on his plate. 40448 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES On this spot at great building will rise Where doctors will optomitrize. It may not be pretty, But here in the city, It will be a site for sore eyes. 40449 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Norm Storer The doctor's receptionist, Kate, Has not been receptive of late. Her vibrating phone Is making her moan, Not clients who can't keep a date. 40450 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Frank Sfa Well, what is a poor girl to do With her doctor's appointment at two? Then is barely alive When examined at five, And told, "It's only the flu." 40451 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - OFFICES Edwin J Weinstein A proctology team from Amos, Lost in space said, "You really can't blame us. No matter how hard we try, To find our way in the sky, We always wind up at Uranus. 40452 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Jim Weaver Collection Said the nurse to the patient, "Now hear's A magazine to give you cheers! Please anticipate A very short wait... Proctologist is in arrears!" 40453 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Observer "He'd been far 'behind' the whole summer; It was known in the bars, he's a slummer." The patient retorted, "He should be reported -- His treatment of me's a real bummer.! 40454 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Observer After launching his 'scope homeward-bound, A proctologist needs a blood-hound And a fine tactile sense To tell the difference 'Twixt his ass and a hole in the ground. 40455 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Arthur Deex P9106 Proctologists meeting en masse Agreed on extolling the ass: "It may be a monkey's Or even a donkey's, But if it's an ass, it's got class!" 40456 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Pierce Evans The proctologist said, "I'd adore a kiss." And then told his wife, "I need more of this. All this probing in guts, Makes a fellow feel nuts; It's just been a bad day at the orifice." 40457 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Bob Giandomenico P8803 The preacher, a fisher of men, Became a bum doctor, and then, He dispensed with the prayer And is into healthcare. Now he looks into fissures of men. 40458 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Al Willis P9704 In view of the patient apostate, The medical world is a tossed state. But once he has sacked His physician in fact, Is the guy going to check his own prostate? 40459 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO A N Wilkins P9107 Enduring a rectal exam, Colonscope so cold I scream "Damn!" He'll push and he'll pull it, I'll just bite the bullet, And be greatful I don't have to cram. 40460 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Eleanor Pontiuse "You're going to feel a large prick, But it will be over quite quick," Said Fred the proctologist, And part-time zoologist, Then slid in his twelve inch horse dick. 40461 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Jon Gearhart While face down in a bent over position, Said the gent to his stalwart physician, "I can't seem to figure How your finger gets bigger When you examine my prostate condition." 40462 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Edwin J Weinstein A Dutch proctologist named Mike Had his thumb out, trying to hitchhike. He was offered a ride By a lesbian bride; Now his finger is stuck in a dike! 40463 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO The views that proctologists get Are some they would rather forget; In light of their fees, Such aspects may please -- Forgetting may come, but not yet. 40464 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO R. J. Winkler P8503 A proctologist name of McGee Once bent over double to see An eyeball of glass, He'd shoved up his ass. "So I can see one that looks back at me." 40465 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Look out for a doctor named Coulder Who is getting bolder and bolder, When he shouts "Wham! During a rectal exam, And you'll feel a hand on each shoulder. 40466 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Tom Patton P9606 A prostate malfunction suspected, A digital exam was suggested. "Spread cheeks and bend over, While this tool I do cover." "Why can't this be analog inspected?" 40467 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Bob Watson Said the patient as he became bolder, "I hate this more as I grow older. And, mind what you do 'Cause I swear that I'll sue If I feel more'n one hand on my shoulder. 40468 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Keith Lehman My hand puppet gave me some sass. "Proctologists like you are crass!" I replied I was not. Said the puppet, "You've got Your whole God-damned hand up my ass!" 40469 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO John Dohner P8802 My doctor thinks I'm a bit gay; He examined my prostate one day. He inserted the digit, Don't know how he did it Holding both my hands out of the way. 40470 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Echo This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. My proctologist, Inserting his fist, Left his flashlight up in my behind. 40471 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO There was an old doctor of Vere, Whose forte was Disease of the Rear. He treatment was crude, And forthrightly lewd, But suppose he were treating the ear! 40472 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO G1075 It's amazing the way that technology Has influenced the art of proctology. Once a grope quite unsure, Now a video tour, Like a trip up the Nile--Egyptology. 40473 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Martin Wellborn P9107 As he stood at the rear of a trollop, The proctologist smeared a large dollop Of pomade on his glans, "Up the rear with no hands Will surely," he said, "Whack a polyp." 40474 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Bob Giandomenico P9410 A lover of assholes, McGurk, Was shamed many times for his quirk. So a doc he became. Now he feels without shame Every ass, and he's paid for his work. 40475 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Albin Chaplin 3024-0534 But a change overcame Doc McGurk; A pussy would send him berserk! Now he tugs and he wrenches At the pussies of wenches And goes off in his pants at his work. 40476 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Albin Chaplin 3024-0535 Touchy I was yesterday. About that I have this to say: My damn proctologist Thinks he's a monologist. I'm touchy -- he made me that way. 40477 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Frank Fazed It happens as we get older; "Climb up -- put a foot in each holder." Then your biggest fear As he probes your rear, He's got one hand on each shoulder. 40478 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO MrMalo If not now, then surely one day, We're poked by the doc, anyway. But at least one Of us can have fun, If the doctor who pokes us is gay! 40479 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Karen A Psychiatrist and Proctologist from Stutz Really did show lots of guts. They erected a sign At 4th Street and Vine, Saying "We Treat Nuts And Buts!" 40480 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Duncan Cline A proctologist once, name of Bends, Along with psychiatrist friends Had an office in common, But not the phenomon; The sign said we treat odds and ends. 40481 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Fred Cohen P8503 Though it doesn't seem nice to suspect 'em, Physicians are weird--I detect 'em! They have fallen in love With that greased rubber glove They delightedly shove up your rectum. 40482 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO John E Mayhood P9706 To Ron said proctologist Cooper, "I can see what is causing your stupor. This revolting disease Will bring men to their knees -- It's a case of Ortega in Pooper." 40483 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Phil Cannibal P9001 A urologist named Dr. Pee, Has a dart board you've just got to see. If your aim doesn't miss, And a bulls-eye you piss, He will do your appointment for free! 40484 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Cap'n Bean In the Klondike, old prospector Lloyds Suffers strange anal pains when he voids. The doctor checked there And said, "This case is rare; What you have seems to be polaroids." 40485 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Bob Giandomenico P8803 Males are supplied with at birth; Most avoid for all they are worth. The probe that is manned By the doctors glad hand, Let him reach for that prostate glands berth. 40486 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO A proctologist, Doctor Mc Grass, Lost a match to a jerk with no class. The jerk made so much noise That the doc, losing poise, Rammed his finger right up the jerk's ass. 40487 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO William N. Nesbit P9511 Our staff proctologist, Dr. Barr, Has invented a new kind of car. With a tank full of shit There's no stopping it-- For short trips, two poots take you far. 40488 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO G1352 Proctologists look up a hole That many don't care to patrol; It's a scary dark place With a puckered up face, That most wouldn't touch with a pole. 40489 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Cap'n Bean P9812 Said Dr. Blum, a West Virginian While he examined Dan O'Binion, "You may well get the fidgets When I insert two digits, But YOU asked for a second opinion. 40490 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Tom Patton P9704 The worst is the Sigmoido scan. You kneel as though you're an Islam. You Jesus implore Or 'borach a toh' (blessing) As slowly the flashlight they ram. 40491 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Irving Superior P8804 As over the table you bend, In your colon his finger will wend. Though you squirm and you twist, It's no use to resist. The proctologist wins in the end. 40492 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Bob Giandomenico P8803 When the Doc does a rectal exam, And his digit goes into your ham, He is standing up close And the smell is real gross. "Next time, take a shower, Goddamn!" 40493 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Al Willis TP9804 It's amazing how closely technology Mimics the art of proctology. One must without fail Taking bull by the tail, Face the problem without an apology. (And address, face to face, methodology.) 40494 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Arthur Deex P8803 A handsome proctologist, Hugh, And a cute gynecologist, Sue, Once met face to face, In an intimate place, But it had the most terrible view. 40495 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Ed Potts P8503 There still is the persistent rumor About Dr. Blum's sense of humor. If you've prostate cancer, He'll say, "Take your stance, sir," And then he will tickle your tumor. 40496 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Tom Patton P9704 Said my proctologist, old Dr. Seuss: "Saints! Your cavity's loose! Tighten that sphincter On my lubed and gloved finger, Or I'll wrap that 'roid 'round a noose!" 40497 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO The proctologist, finger in ass, Said, "Jon, we have reached an impasse. This check can't continue Until there is in you A lot less odiferous gas." 40498 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Jon Gearhart So letting one rip, a bit crass, And lacking my normal high class, I said, "Listen Doc, I think that's a crock -- Don't be such a pain in the ass." 40499 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Jon Gearhart With a prostate I went to Doc Hooter; "We will operate!" said the old looter. But now I am sore; Pee worse than before. I think I should have tried Roto-Rooter. 40500 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Clarence E. Boyle P8704 Because of his optic attrition, The proctologist made a decision: "I will try to correct This annoying defect, That my eye doctor calls tunnel vision." 40501 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - PROCTO Keith Gilman P0109 To the doctor went itchy Miss Fern, For the itch in her cunt caused concern. She was strapped with a cable To the hospital table, And the interns all fucked her in turn. 40502 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0442 A practicing young gynecologist Was a cunningly shrewd ideologist. Thought he "Anesthesia Will bring on amnesia, And the patient will never recall a tryst!" 40503 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Anon To his nurse said the famous physician In the throes of illicit coition, "Though it's getting quite late, Let the damned patients wait... Now, assume the knee-chest position..." 40504 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Grand Prix Lim 696 P8305 Said a crafty old doctor named Hammon: "Impotence is getting too common. Pills, oysters, and honey Are sheer waste of money. What works, is to bed a fresh woman." 40505 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING G2695 A randy young resident surgeon, Explored student nurses, not virgin. Sweet love they'd enable On the O.R. table, Which brought her big belly to burgeon. 40506 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Chris Papa A doctor of X-rays named Park Begat more offspring than a shark. When asked as to why, He was heard to reply, "I do my best work in the dark!" 40507 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Macsam There was a young lady named Bly Whose blood pressure shot up so high That she went to a doctor Who unfrocked and upknocked her, And said that her blood was to dry. 40508 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING P8305 When the old maid was fucked by the doc, She relapsed into rapturous shock, Then she fucked him so hard, He was caught off his guard, And he fractured the bone in his cock. 40509 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0435 "Nurse Hortense! Please close the damn door!" Yelled Chief-of-Staff Dr. LeFlore, "I'm trying to boff!" So she pushed him off, And closed the door, just like before. 40510 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING When a certain young randy physician Gets a girl in the stirrup position, The horrible fact is His medical practice Is perfect -- by common admission. 40511 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING John E Maywood P9805 There was an old lady of France, Who said to the doctor, "Perchance Can you cure my depression?" He said, "Yes, in one session, And the cure is right here in my pants!" 40512 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1340 Said the lady, after taking the cure, "Depressions I cannot endure. Just for added protection, I will need an injection Every week, without fail, to be sure." 40513 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1341 The horny young doctor was loath To bypass Hypocrates' oath. But when girls undressed, He sure did his best To cure 'em or dick 'em or both. 40514 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Tucker D. Ott P9001 There was an old maid named of Frick Who said to the doc she was sick. The doc was no slouch; He said, "Lie on the couch!" And he cured her complaint with his prick. 40515 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1343 The noted psychiatrist Schick Discovered old maids were not sick, When they came for advice, So he charged a small price And he cured all their ills with his prick. 40516 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1387 There was a young lady of Ryde, Whose sexual feelings had died. She went to the doctor Who promptly unfrocked her, And told her to spread her legs wide. 40517 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins After using his fingers for stroking, And prodding and prying and poking, He said with a grin, "Did you feel me go in?" She said, "No but my panties are soaking!" 40518 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins Still grinning he said, "Only moose Have vaginas so floppy and loose. Your G-spot is worn And your clitoris torn. Diagnosis? Vibrator abuse." 40519 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins "If you leave it alone for a bit," Said the doc as he fondled her tit, "And return in a week, Then I'll give you a tweak, Just to check on the state of your clit." 40520 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins "But doctor," she said, "I don't use A vibrator to aid self-abuse. I find that drilling Bananas are thrilling, And carrots I like to misuse." 40521 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins "No wonder," he said, "you feel numb." As he rubbed on her clit with his thumb. "What you need for a treat Is a length of my meat; A prescrption for making you come!" 40522 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins Remember that lady from Ryde Who has lost all her feeling inside, For the numbing woes Of assorted dildoes, And the treatmen her doctor prescribed. 40523 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins "Please assure me," she said, "Is it true That you're licensed to give me a screw?" And in answer he said, As he led her to bed, "It's the ethical treatment for you!" 40524 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins "Well, don't be too rough with me, doc" She remarked as she lifted her frock, "'Cause although I'm used To banana abuse, My vagina has never known cock." 40525 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins So he started by screwing her slow. "Do you feel that?", he asked. She said "No. But I think that I need You to increase your speed." So the doctor just let himself go. 40526 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins He grabbed her and rammed it inside And for ninety-five minutes he tried, Till he came with a grunt And said, "How's your cunt?" She said, "Numb!" And he lay back and cried. 40527 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins "I'm sorry," he said with remorse, "But I think we should try a new course. Outside in the stable We'll see if you're able To come when you're screwed by a horse." 40528 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins So she tried it with chestnuts and grays, In a hundred and one different ways. "Did you come?", said the doc, As he played with his cock, While the horses collapsed in a daze. 40529 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins "I felt a small twinge," she confessed, "When those stallions gave me their best, But 'twas only a spasm And not an orgasm." The doc said, "You'd better get dressed." 40530 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins So sad and unhappy she seemed, When a thought struck the doctor; he beamed. He stuffed in her socket A fireworks rocket And lit it. "I'm coming!", she screamed. 40531 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Peter Wilkins A lady from York, Pennsylvania, Was treated for mild dipsomania. She screwed her physicians In eight new positions, Prognosis is now nymphomania. 40532 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING There once was a doctor named Proctor And he was a hell of a doctor. Things really got worse When he hit on his nurse -- The verdict was: Dr. Pr. Fr. 40533 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Neal Wilgus P8305 A lascivious lady named Proctor, Was obsessed with the cock of her doctor. She said, "if we don't screw, I'll claim harm and I'll sue." So the doctor gave in and he foctor. 40534 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Wormdirt TP9804 A lady depressed was Miss Finches; She'd been in too many tight pinches. Said the doctor, "You'll find I've a cure for your bind. I will sink in my shaft for six inches!" 40535 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1336 To the doc went a lady named Flo; Her blackheads and pimples did show. Said the doe, with reflection, "You will need an injection." So he gave her four fucks in a row. 40536 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0143 A lady depressed was Miss Crockett; Each eye was sunk deep in its socket. Said the doctor, "I'm sure I can find you your cure, And I have it right here in my pocket." 40537 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1323 In his pocket she placed her hand bony, And she said to the doctor, "You phoney! Can this shriveled up weiner Reconstruct my demeanor?" But it grew to a full-length baloney. 40538 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1324 "Lie down," said the doc to Miss Crockett, "I wish to examine your socket." Then he spread her legs wide And got on for the ride, And he blasted away like a rocket. 40539 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1325 Miss Crockett's depression was gone; With a light that was bright, her eyes shone. The baloney was in All the way to her chin, And he fucked her right through until dawn. 40540 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1326 The doctor then gave her advice -- One treatment would never suffice. To insure some protection, A baloney injection She must take every week, once or twice. 40541 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1327 After having this wonderful tilt, Miss Crockett had feelings of guilt. So she went to a priest Who was hung like a beast, And he straightened her out 'neath the quilt. 40542 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024 G1166 To the doctor went old lady Linkter And he plunged up her asshole and clinked her. When she had a conniption, He explained this prescription Was not cheap, but was good for the sphincter. 40543 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0937 A doctor who works in Centralia Was blessed with superb genitalia. Achieving erection, He said, "This injection Is good for whatever might ail ya!" 40544 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING P8305 "Young lady, you have an infection," Said the Doc, feeling quite an erection. But he knew what was best, For she soon was undressed And receiving a massive injection. 40545 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Don Moore P9704 A versatile pusher of pills Has an Rx for maidenly ills. He whips out his caduceus And tries to seduce us -- And Blue Cross/Blue Shield get the bills. 40546 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Arthur Deex P8305 The check-up had no outside proctor, Being done by a medical doctor. The girl, without stress, Did quickly undress But squirmed when he suddenly cocked her. 40547 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Tucker D. Ott P9001 The doctor was able to stir New life into nervous Miss Kerr. He applied all his skills For ten weeks to her ills, Then she found that he should have paid her. 40548 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0763 To the Doc went a whore name of Lancet, For her pussy was raunchy and rancid. As he pulled out his prick, Said the Doc, "It looks sick, And it smells pretty bad, but I'll chance it." 40549 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1728 He heard maiden's heart thump quicker, Which only made him rise thicker. She seized him, my dears, By both of his ears, Saying, "This is how I hold my liquor." 40550 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Chris Papa A horny young doctor named Fife Sure leads an improbable life. He daily rehearses With hot nubile nurses What nightly he does to his wife. 40551 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Armand E Singer 384 While checking the cunt of Miss Drew, The doctor tried one inch, then two. Said Miss Drew, without merriment, "Please forget the experiment -- You can shove in the prick and let's screw." 40552 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0118 Nympho Venus, who hailed from Salinas, Had a thing for a medical penis. When M.D.'s gave her shots, It would heighten her hots, And a doc might then try intra-Venus. 40553 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING The doctor examined Miss Queen, The dirtiest whore he had seen. He exclaimed, "I have not Seen so dirty a twat. Hold still while I first lick it clean." 40554 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0871 They've brought charges against Doctor Gray. He had sex with some patients, they say. If he get convicted, As they predicted, We'll lose the best vet in Green Bay. 40555 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING P8305 "Miss Jones", said the surgeon, "I see You're now due for a check-up with me. Will you show me your minge, While I warm my syringe; I'll prescribe this new treatment for free." 40556 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Your minor vaginal correction Is due for a further inspection; Ah - just as I thought; It's OK, but you ought To be given another injection." 40557 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING To the doc went a lady named Kate, Her oversize shape to abate. Said the doctor, "By chance I've some fruit in my pants -- This banana will gain you no weight." 40558 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0836 It's fun to play 'Doctor and Nurse' (Especially when it's perverse). Doc makes me say 'Ahhh' As he undoes my bra; After that we do not much converse. 40559 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Jeanie Taylor A thorough old doctor named Hugh Was checking a girl for the flu. Though she seemed to be well And as sound as a bell, When he banged her, she did not ring true. 40560 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-0204 A G-Y-N doctor named Dole Examined a woman from Seoul; Upon his inspection, He got an erection, And screwed her, quite out of control. 40561 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Cap'n Bean "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Skinner." (The Doc had the eyes of a sinner.) "We'll see what you've got, So don't be distraught." "But Doc, do you plan to buy dinner?" 40562 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Al Willis A patient of young Doctor Proctor, Didn't mind when he swiftly unfrocter. Nor did his technique, Give her reason to squeak, Until after she found he'd upknockter. 40563 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING A kindly old doctor named Grover, Once said, "I am clearly in clover. Not being a fool, I use my own tool, Whenever I'm probing for ova." 40564 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Isaac Asimov He examined with exquisite skill The call girl who'd come to him ill, Both downside and skinside, Both outside and inside, They each sent the other a bill. 40565 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Laurence Perrine P8503 When examined, young Madeline Hamhocks Was jabbed in the butt by two hard cocks. She thought she was dreaming But found from their scheming, The answer a real pair-o-docs. 40566 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Fredric Cohen P8308 Then when she had stripped to her skin, He dropped his own pants and thrust in. "You see, I've a notion Reciprocal motion Will cure this condition you're in." 40567 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Lance Payne P8305 The doctor some bad news had broke To the syphlitic whore when she woke From his pelvic inspection, With his warty erection -- And her health card he did revoke. 40568 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Al Chaplin P8604 I know a young medico, Hodges, Whose penis, I've found, often lodges In nurses and patients Who like its dilations, In curves, twists, and manifold dodges. 40569 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING G0359 There's the case of young Nellie McGrew, Who suffered the symptoms of flu, So she wanted to talk To her friendly old doc, Who always knew just what to do. 40570 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING He described what he'd do in detail, And then pretty young Nellie grew pale. To be played with down there Gave this patient a scare, And what if the treatment would fail. 40571 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING But considering all of the facts She wondered if she could relax. The doc said, "Don't linger, I've warmed up my finger, And I know about contours and cracks." 40572 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Young Nellie, a virginal maid, Had never been fondled nor laid. Closing tight her blue eyes She spread open her thighs As her fears began slowly to fade. 40573 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING She felt a soft gentle caress As Doc Shelly reached under her dress. When he hit the right spot Our sweet Nellie got hot, And at this point she couldn't care less. 40574 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING She felt she was high like on coke, Then it seemed that her fever had broke. She yelled "Holly shit!" When her orgasm hit, And she thought she had just had a stroke. 40575 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Both her legs were still up in the air When she asked "What just happened down there? That was something all new, My God what did you do? Never mind, it felt good, I don't care!" 40576 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING "I hope that your schedule's not booked, Let me know what you've got once you've looked. I still feel quite delirious, My condition's most serious, On this treatment I think I am hooked." 40577 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING In his book the doc took a quick peek, "I can see you again in one week." Then his treatment progressed, As the doc got undressed- 'Twas a pelvic exam, so to speak. 40578 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING "Now Nellie, I want you to heed, "I'm giving a shot that you need," Well the doc began moaning, That then turned to groaning, And poor Mary had thought he had peed. 40579 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING One day as our Nellie undressed, She said, "I'm becoming obsessed That my belly's grow larger," So the doc didn't charge 'er, And said, "You are merely depressed." 40580 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Doc Shelly said then with a wink, "On this pad I will write what I think, For it's all in your head," So I think that instead Of me you should go see this shrink." 40581 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Said the shrink, "No you're not a neurotic, And you're hardly a raving psychotic. It is not a delusion Nor crazy illusion, The cause of your swelling's erotic." 40582 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING So she called up Doc Shelly and said, "The shrink said it's not in my head, But I wanted to mention, That I'm feeling some tension, And I fear that I'll soon be quite dead." 40583 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Then the doc said, "That news is quite numbing, But I've sworn to attend to your plumbing. So don't worry at all, For I'll make a house call, You'll not go, for I'll soon have you coming." 40584 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Well, he skillfully dispelled her fears, And her orgasm brought her to tears. But she said with a grin, As the doctor slid in, "This treatment will likely take years." 40585 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING So that was the story of Nellie, And her care under old Doctor Shelly. Diagnosis was made, And the doctor's been paid, But her cure caused a well-rounded belly. 40586 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING A highly-strung lady named Proctor, Was checked by the cad who unfrocked her. He said, "You're in great shape." She said, "Don't stop, you ape! It's a man I need now, not a doctor." 40587 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1380 A harlot in Charlotte named Wade Was badly upset and dismayed By her doctor's big bill Which she's paying for still, As he knocks off some weekly in trade. 40588 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Grand Prix Lim 118 The noted psychiatrist, Gluck, Observed that some ladies were stuck In the depths of depression, So with learned discretion, He taught the old bitches to fuck. 40589 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin 3024-1346 In a doctors' convention at Salk, "Tits and Ass" was the topic for talk, But the demo was live, So they slipped her a five, Lest as 'sexual object', she'd balk. 40590 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Thomas A. Quinine P8305 A buxom young nurse named Nancy, Had the hots for a Doctor named Clancy. But it wasn't his M.D. Which brought her to her knee, 'Twas his willie that captured her fancy. 40591 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Stan She had a date with the family Dr. When she entered his car, he Unfr. Going down Moonlight Dr. Their urge came Al. So, he dook down his pants and Fr. 40592 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Ed Wolfert P8305 There was an old maid in great pain; To the doctor she went to complain. He said nothing was wrong, But he pulled out his dong And he skillfully unplugged her drain. 40593 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Albin Chaplin Sal was told by her physician, "Please remember I'm in a position, My dear Mrs. Leeds, To take care of your needs, Up to and including coition." 40594 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Grand Prix Lim 743 P8305 We doubted the doctor's veracity, When we caught him astride Mrs. Cassidy. He said, "Doctor knows best; I'm conducting a test To determine her vagina's capacity." 40595 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Arnie Schoenbrun P0305 His huge penis a young gynecologist Liked to thrust down his patients' esophagus. "It's not really a cure, But it feels good for sure. If they see through my wiles, then I'll stop, I guess." 40596 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SCREWING Bruce Thompson There once was a fellow named Stoup Enrolled in our therapy group. While we sat around, Stoup uttered no sound While decoding alphabet soup. 40597 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 The psychiatrists commonest shtick? "You have problems because you are sick!" But psychologists find That your sickness of mind Is because you have problems! Click-click? 40598 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Jemstone A therapist made this confession: "I'm an expert at curing depression. My patients stay well Till I send them my bill, Then suffer an instant regression." 40599 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Laurence Perrine P8503 "I'm not paranoid," said Mr. Grau To his shrink, "but I certain somehow That both women and men Are conspiring again To avoid persecuting me now." 40600 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P8904 I never get mad, I get hostile; I never feel sad, I'm depressed; If I sew or I knit, And enjoy it one bit, I'm not handy, I'm merely obsessed. 40601 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Samson I never regret, I feel guilty; And if I should vacuum the hall, Wash the woodwork and such, And not mind it too much, Am I tidy? Compulsive that's all. 40602 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Samson If I can't choose a hat, I have conflicts, With ambivalent feelings towards net. I never get worried Or nervous or hurried-- Anxiety, that's what I get. 40603 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Samson If I'm happy, I must be euphoric; If I go to the Stork Club or Ritz, And have a good time Making puns or a rhyme, I'm manic, or maybe a schitz. 40604 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Samson If I tell you I'm right, your submissive, Repressing agressiveness, too! And when I disagree, I'm defensive, you see, And projecting my symptoms on you. 40605 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Samson I love you, but that's just transference, With Electra rearing her head; My breathing asthmatic Is psychosomatic, A fear of exclaiming, "Drop Dead!" 40606 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Samson I'm not lonely, I'm simply dependent; My dog has no fleas, just a tic-- So if I act hateful, Never mind, just be grateful I'm not really a stinker--I'm sick 40607 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Samson They've given up hope on Al Mencia. They say that his mind's in "absentia". Somatic his psycho And phrenic his schizo And praecoxly at his dementia. 40608 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 A neurotic was in a sad plight When he visited his shrink one cold night, A doctor named Purdy, To ask, "Is sex dirty?" He said, "Just if you do the thing right." 40609 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P8904 She sucks Pete of in six seconds. Once spent, he'll be flaccid, ah reckons. In spite of her skill He needs Dr Phil To help him when hot poontang beckons. 40610 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Randog Case History of Roger P. A premature come-off-er he. "What makes you pre-shoot Is that your wife's too cute." So he exchanged his wife with me. 40611 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 Psychiatrists often use couches To learn what a person avouches; Their patients relax, Revealing the facts Behind psychological "ouches." 40612 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS R. J. Winkler P8503 Psychiatrist (easily bored) Heard something that did strike a chord. Sketched his wiener-dog As its analogue -- His patient, quite plainly, was floored. 40613 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS He said to a friend whom he spied At the analyst's place, "I confide That I feel in a way Rather schizoid today." "That makes four of us, friend," he replied. 40614 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P8904 A psychiatrist living in Dallas Once treated a fellow for malice, And now he's benign. He brought him in line By removing some spunk from his phallus. 40615 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Limericks Naughty & Gay The plumber, a dyed-in-the-wool tinker, Was given this job -- a real stinker. A psychiatrist man Had to have a small can 'Cause he was a famous head shrinker. 40616 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS John Dohner P8904 "Why's my wife spend all day on the phone?" Analyzed a head-shrinker named Cohen. "Penis envy, no doubt!" But his wife pointed out That she sure didn't envy his own. 40617 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Michael Weinstein P8305 To the analyst, Edward would plod, His psyche, his shrink there to prod. This decision, some said, Was unwise for it led To the care of Ed's id by the odd. 40618 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Bob Giandomenico P9410 A psychiatrist fellow from Rye, Went to visit another close by, Who said with a grin As he welcomed him in, "Hello Smith! You're all right! How am I!" 40619 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Stephen Cass Urged Id, "Let's attack while she's bare." Warned Ego, "Be patient. Take care. We must not get caught." "Let's do what we ought," Super-ego said tersely: "Be fair." 40620 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Laurence Perrine P8905 "I did what I did, " declared Id, "I wish you had hid what you did," Said Ego. "Amigo," Proclaimed Super-Ego, "You shouldn't have done what you did." 40621 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Laurence Perrune P8905 If you go to a shrink, bon ami, And he says to you, "Friend, c'est la vie." When he asks what you feel And then says, "No big deal!" You know just as much as does he. 40622 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Al Willis P9808 An Egyptian psychiatrist's file, Lists a patient beyond reconcile. From the river, he squealed, "Praise to Allah, I'm healed," But the shrink said, "Your just in de Nile." 40623 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Bob Giandomenico P9711 "With most female patients I've tried, And I take some professional pride," Said the shrink, "I confess, In my modest success In keeping them all satisfied." 40624 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P9201 Case History of Sherry G. A kleptomaniac was she. And as you may guess I made her undress So less temptation there would be. 40625 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 Said a newly wed fellow named Finnigan To his shrink, "Oh God, will I grin again -- She never would screw; Now she says when we do As soon as we're through, 'Let's begin again.'" 40626 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Bob Giandomenico P8905 A doctor is Bob by profession; Retired now but still in possession Of most, if not all, Of his faculties small, And a couch, for the sake of impression. 40627 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Art Decorum Though some in his circle may scoff, He wan't dismissed or struck off. He merely had surgin's Of lust for young virgins And asked for permission to boff. 40628 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Art Decorum Old ladies who suffered in shame Were cleansed of their guilt and their blame By a shrink name of Scott Who said, "Fear not the twat, For to love and to fuck are the same." 40629 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Albin Chaplin 3024-2295 My therapist used all her skills, And put me on various pills. I said to her, "Honey, What I need is more money For anxieties caused by your bills. 40630 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Laurence Perrine P8905 The psychiatrist had done a lot For a gorgeous young creature named Ott. But he said, "We're agreed From now on you will need Every last inhibition you've got." 40631 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P8904 Three shrinks at a congress in Gateshead Lost their hotel whilst out getting fed. They asked their way From a cop who did say, "You'll never find it 'cause it's straight ahead!" 40632 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS The psychiatrist's always assured That his patients won't die, but the word That keeps them returning (And keeps him on earning) Is that they are never quite cured. 40633 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P9201 Sam's dick is having his say; And usually has his own way. If my quim starts to talk, It's time for a walk To a shrink, who won't charge for a lay! 40634 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS "Psychoanalysts," groused Dr. Hormel, "Have made id official and formal That they in the main Are essentially sane And the rest of us all are abnormal." 40635 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P9201 I'm taking so long with my think, My screen saver's sure I'm ablink. Those flying toasters (After dark bread roasters), I think I will go see my shrink. 40636 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Archie My psychiatrist, heard in confession, Admits a deep-seated obsession. After voiding his bowels He gets gloomy, and howls In the throes of post-partum depression. 40637 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Jemstone There was a psychiatrist named Dickey, Had a very cute patient named Nikki, Who had never climaxed. He said, "Just relax. I'll correct your problem with a "quickie!" 40638 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Laurence Craft There was a next-to-the-skin flannelist, Who complained of the fees from his panel list; But he grouses no more Now the plate on his door Bears the lucrative lure 'Psycho-Analyst'. 40639 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Anon Punch 1924 (Bibby) Case History of Leonard C. A sado-masochist is he. My greatest challenge yet If I don't get upset -- The first half hour he beats me. 40640 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 There once was a schizo from Fife Who threatened his very own life, For his analyst thought That the fellow had caught The other guy screwing his wife. 40641 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P8904 The patient arrived in the buff; Only plastic wrap covered his butt. The psychiatrist said, While shaking her head, "I can clearly see y'r nuts." 40642 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Said a medical prof Dr. Kind, "An analyst may be defined As one in all seasons For professional reasons Has nothing but sex on his mind." 40643 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P8904 "Oh Father, I have a confession! I went to a therapy session. He pulled up my dress To rid me of stress; And now I've a sexual obsession!" 40644 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Wormdirt TP9804 Case History of Mildred V. A nymphomaniac was she. Although I didn't think She'd nymph me, her shrink, She couched it so seductively. 40645 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 On my mind, all I've got's limerick's song! My doctor said, "Something is wrong; By the way that you're acting, It must be distracting, And your blue jeans aren't showing your dong!" 40646 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Case History of Roger B. This schizo-phrenic said to me, "You will agree, I'm sure Without me there's no cure." So I agreed to split the fee. 40647 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 By neurosis is how the "IN" rate us. Intellectuals thus deprecate us As deficient of brain If we're thoroughly sane. One's shrink is a symbol of status. 40648 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P9201 The psychiatrist, young Doctor Fern, Was asked what he hoped to discern From his patients sex acts And revalent facts. He said, "Think of what I might learn!" 40649 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Limericks Naughty & Gay It's more serious than you might think, Not dismissed with leer or a wink. You better get going, Your bad ego's showing, It's time that you visit a shrink. 40650 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Chris Papa A hard-drinking shrink, Freddy Floose, Holds deeply heretical views; He is greatly annoyed When reminded of Freud, For he treats all his patients with booze. 40651 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Norman Storer P0211 In Pharoh's time, there were no shrinks, So anyone with mental kinks Must lie upon the sand, With ear cupped in his hand, And tell his troubles to the Sphinx. 40652 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 "My husband," complained Mrs. Cobb, "In bed's an insensitive slob." "If he can't give you joy," Said the shrink, "Then employ More men to put on the job." 40653 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Bob Giandomenico P8905 I went to a shrink for advice, But he asked me the same questions twice; About my insurance, And sexual endurance, And that didn't seem very nice. 40654 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Case History of Harold Z. A senior hight school teacher he. "Those bastards in my class -- I feel like kicking ass." "Go see your football coach not me." 40655 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Irving Superior P8904 A psychologist, Tony Pratt, Would talk with his patients while flat. They would sit up straight While asked to relate, "What is it that you mean by that?" 40656 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS When a crazy psychotic named Bly From a rooftop believed he could fly; Wearing only a hat, He hit with a splat... And a shrink stroked his beard and asked, "Why?" 40657 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS Bob Birch P0800 "My shrink for an outrageous fee Asks me questions galore," observed Lee, "Of a personal kind Which from time out of mind My wife has been asking for free." 40658 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A N Wilkins P8904 On the couch at his shrink's, the man sighed. "Nobody these days, Dr. Clyde, Ever takes what I say In a serious way." "You're kidding," the doctor replied. 40659 MEDICAL - DOCTORS - SHRINKS A. N. Wilkins P8306 When giving a lethal injection, Executioners strive for perfection. They do a good job, With an alcohol swab On the site to prevent an infection. 40660 MEDICAL - DRUGS Arnie Schoenbrun P0311 Accidentally, my friend, Neil Took his wife's estrogen pills. They shriveled his dick And grew him some tits, So he changed his name to Lucille! 40661 MEDICAL - DRUGS Jim Weaver Collection His wife's fruitcake wouldn't digest, And George split from his prick to his chest, When in misery he downed An antacid he found, Without waiting till it effervesced. 40662 MEDICAL - DRUGS A. N. Wilkins P9302 With bad cold, I'll go right to bed, With aches, pains, and feelings of dread. ANTITUSSIVES I take To help bad cough break, Clear nose, but they blow off my head. 40663 MEDICAL - DRUGS Chris Papa ANTITUSSIVES I'll take for my coughin', But won't take too many too often. Strong Whiskey I'll pack, So when hit by that hack, I am not carried off in a coffin'! 40664 MEDICAL - DRUGS Gary Each is a doctor of some speciality; They prescribe all these pills for a fee. If I take all these pills, Will they cure all my ills, Or are they gradually killing me? 40665 MEDICAL - DRUGS Dad A homophobic by the name of Ray Had a pain that would not go away. While the doc insisted, He strongly resisted The use of the salve named Bengay. 40666 MEDICAL - DRUGS Tom Patton P0900 The black salve that we had as kids, We use on our necks 'cause it rids Small kids of those bumps Resembling mumps; Our jaws looked like twin pyramids. 40667 MEDICAL - DRUGS There was a hotshot Harvard coxswain, Who learned steroids can be a toxswain. He pumped up his crew, Whose pectorals grew. But all those young bulls are now oxswain! 40668 MEDICAL - DRUGS A lady from Okefenokee, Awakening sullen and poky, Had chocolate toffee With chicory coffee And suddenly felt okey-dokey. 40669 MEDICAL - DRUGS Cybergeezer A drug to block cannabis's high Will be hard to get folks to apply; My suggestion serious: Get school cafeterias To put it in 'taters and pie. 40670 MEDICAL - DRUGS Dr Limerick This pill lets me take a good dump. This one here took ten pounds off my rump. No hayfever ills, And one of these pills Even gets my bum ticker to pump. 40671 MEDICAL - DRUGS Irish Methinks chemotherapy's shit; My brain's just a cavernous pit. My little grey cell Has pissed off to hell, And left me a rhymeless dumb twit. 40672 MEDICAL - DRUGS Indeed chemotherapy must Be a shit-and-a-half but I trust That you're doing just swell And it doesn't curtail Your enjoyment of sexual lust. 40673 MEDICAL - DRUGS They buried today Mr Knapp; He did not take his pills, the poor chap. The old guy left a note By his pill bottle -- wrote: "I can't remove the child-proof cap!" 40674 MEDICAL - DRUGS Travis Brasell Don't put too much trust in that cortisone, And don't ever apply to the naughty zone. When all else is lost, Preserve at all cost From cortisone the naughty old bawdy zone. 40675 MEDICAL - DRUGS Conrad Aiken The brain of my druggist is small. It would not impress or enthrall. I think it absurd That he had not heard Of a real cyber virus at all. 40676 MEDICAL - DRUGS Jim Weaver Collection There once was a young city slicker Whose pulse would occasionally flicker. He was one of those lugs Whose dependence on drugs Caused a glitch in the niche of his ticker. 40677 MEDICAL - DRUGS Edwin J Weinstein A gal from the south side of Dallas Put athletic lips 'round my phallus. She sucked with such vigor, My frenzy did trigger Angina. Where's my digitalis? 40678 MEDICAL - DRUGS Randog I've got digitalis right here; To get that thing pumping, no fear. One thump on your chest With my naked breast, You angina will soon disappear 40679 MEDICAL - DRUGS Carol Your breasts are the cure for angina. In thanks, may I please your vagina? I'll fill your hot oven And while we are lovin', They'll hear your moan in Carolina. 40680 MEDICAL - DRUGS Randog The medical doctors of yore, Their LUCRE pursued without lore; They pushed from their rostrums, Their patented nostrums And potions in ways we'd deplore. 40681 MEDICAL - DRUGS Nick Lanyon A wise chinese druggist named Huan, Was awarded a prize by the Khan, For a sexual depressive, To calm thoughts obsessive; It is now known as Upjohn's Down John. 40682 MEDICAL - DRUGS What could an emmenagogue be? The word doesn't mean shit to me. Might be an emir In need of a beer, Or men quite agog at an "E". (emmenagogue - drug to restore or induce menstruation) 40683 MEDICAL - DRUGS Larry Davis The medic procedure still best-- Drink plenty of liquids and rest. But hospitals shun 'Cause if you're in one, They'll get you with their I.V.S. 40684 MEDICAL - DRUGS Irving Superior P9704 In the case of extreme public need, Or when faced with extreme public greed, The law of Brazil Says the government will Make the drugs and pay patents no heed. 40685 MEDICAL - DRUGS Dr Limerick Manufacturers of pharmaceuticals Say they're doing their best to be dutiful; "We'll negotiate With the ungrateful state, But their remedy is quite unsuitable." 40686 MEDICAL - DRUGS Dr Limerick If you're nervous ascending the podium, Make sure that you've balanced your sodium, Comb your hair, zip your fly, Look 'em straight in the eye, And swallow a brace of Imodium. 40687 MEDICAL - DRUGS John E Mayhood My name I came by by mischance; At Mom's health, the doc looked askance. He had a scheme for beating anem- Ia, so she did the prescription dance. 40688 MEDICAL - DRUGS She took pills containing Fe, Built back up her blood just for me! Her sis said with scorn, "When that li'l bastard's born We might as well call it Rusty!" 40689 MEDICAL - DRUGS "Though this medicine won't, I repeat, Really cure you," declared Dr. Wheat, "I'm prescribing it next, Since it has side effects Which I actually know how to treat." 40690 MEDICAL - DRUGS A. N. Wilkins P8511 Liquid nitrogen's not very nice; In fact, it is colder than ice. Applied to the toe, It hurts, don't you know. A treatment I wouldn't want twice! 40691 MEDICAL - DRUGS Joy Clare First Viagra fixed slightly limp dicks, Now SmithKline Inc. adds to the mix. Though intended to rhyme With disease named for lyme, Their new product is called Lymerix. 40692 MEDICAL - DRUGS Lilsil2 There was an old lady of Leicester, Whose numerous ailments obsessed her. She found no allure In an M. and B. cure, And sedatives simply depressed her. 40693 MEDICAL - DRUGS Ian T. Mackenzie "Tranquilizers? I quit them," said Nate. "My doctor had said they'd be great. But he and I parted When I found that I'd started Being pleasant to bastards I hate." 40694 MEDICAL - DRUGS A. N. Wilkins P9107 When I on an old calendar look, I, MATERIA MEDICA took. Back in 1950 When it was real nifty, 'Cause then 'twas a very thin book. 40695 MEDICAL - DRUGS Chris Papa I did what I could to unfeeze ya. I even supplied aphrodisia. But you made a mistake; You decided to take That large glass of Milk of Magnesia. 40696 MEDICAL - DRUGS Al Willis P9707 For his MRI he lay suspended, Quite embarrassed and somewhat offended. For he had not been told The device would be cold, Opensided and he, open-ended. 40697 MEDICAL - DRUGS Loren C Fitzhugh P9803 A virgin was our sweet Lorraine. On hearing of honeymoon "pain," Was so full of fright On her wedding night, Decided to use Novocain. 40698 MEDICAL - DRUGS Irving Superior P8803 There was a gent for a while Who seemed a bit dull and senile, 'Til he threw out the jug That held his new drug, And now can strut out in grand style. 40699 MEDICAL - DRUGS Edwin J Weinstein "I prescribe for myself now," said Rex, "Although my wife strongly objects, I've developed some skill And have found me a pill Which has nothing but strange side effects." 40700 MEDICAL - DRUGS A. N. Wilkins P9107 As the price of postage keeps rising, I would not find it too surprising If they started to use Some opium glues For soothing and tranquilizing. 40701 MEDICAL - DRUGS Ann Gasser P9011 There was a young man who took pills, To cure his all manner of ills. Though the label said not, He took the whole lot; Now he's dead. But he has no more ills. 40702 MEDICAL - DRUGS Richard Long Francois was looped to the gills After swallowing seventy pills. He said, "C'est la guerre." When he took up the dare To seek one of life's silly thrills. 40703 MEDICAL - DRUGS Edwin J Weinstein But Francois was doubly blessed, For those pills he couldn't digest. His thrill was usurped When the pills he up-burped, And maybe you have guessed the rest. 40704 MEDICAL - DRUGS Edwin J Weinstein Those pills were not for elation, But were those that were used for sedation. So his eyes he did close, Crossed his hands in repose And hibernated for the duration. 40705 MEDICAL - DRUGS Edwin J Weinstein There was a young girl from Bengal Whose parents had gone beyond recall. She inherited the throne; Lots of property she'd own. For her stress she'd use Paracetamal! 40706 MEDICAL - DRUGS Arthur Pattaffy There was a young lady of Warwick Who lived in a castle historic. On the damp castle mold She contracted a cold, And the doctor prescribed paragoric. 40707 MEDICAL - DRUGS Anon The doctor, for old spinster Keefile, Prescribed a young man for life gleeful. By the druggist 'twas filled And Miss Keefile was thrilled; She came running right back for a refill. 40708 MEDICAL - DRUGS Albin Chaplin 3024-1356 I once knew a girl named Gwen, Who was fat as a hog in a pen. But she died today In a very thin way, Heart attack, you guessed it, Phen-fen. 40709 MEDICAL - DRUGS Mr Malo An ancient Cape Codger named Shawn Claims he still gets a wicked hard-on And keeps his young bride Very well satisfied, With the aid of a pill called Upjohn. 40710 MEDICAL - DRUGS A. N. Wilkins P9107 PLACEBOS for those who are ill, Or find taking drugs a real thrill, May bring effects fine Or cause a decline; The ways of Ye Olde Sugar Pill. 40711 MEDICAL - DRUGS Chris Papa The jungle is really exotic. Don't go there in case you're neurotic. You can't drink the water A probably oughter Take plenty of antibiotic. 40712 MEDICAL - DRUGS Doctor's Doggerrel P9007 In the thirties, the word was "out back." We were poor and we lived in a shack. No jobs could be had, As the times were real bad. The Depression was stopped by Prozac! 40713 MEDICAL - DRUGS Al Willis T9711 Prozac is the answer I think; (I refuse to succumb to the drink.) I must curb all these verses 'Bout doctors and nurses, And probably talk to my shrink. 40714 MEDICAL - DRUGS Peter Wilkins A rheumatic old man in White Plains, Who will never stay in when it rains, Has a home full of drugs Kept in little brown jugs; And that's all he gets for his pains. 40715 MEDICAL - DRUGS A newly found Latin inscription Refers to a learned Egyptian, Who at age CCX Still indulged in wild sex, After taking a secret prescription. 40716 MEDICAL - DRUGS John Ciardi You resent obscene pharmacy prices, Even though you are in a health crisis? It's fate's assignation With your generation. It's your privilege to make sacrifices. 40717 MEDICAL - DRUGS Loren Fitzhugh P0312 There once was a fellow named Ray Who said in utter dismay, "I really don't follow.... How can anyone swallow The same pill three times a day. 40718 MEDICAL - DRUGS Edwin J. Weinstein P9601 There's a cough mixture scopalamine And its equal has never been seen 'Twould make staid Tutankamen Laugh and leap like a salmon And his mummy hopscotch on the green. 40719 MEDICAL - DRUGS James Joyce P9008 If you doctor yourself when you're ill, You won't have to pay a big bill, And nobody in white Will wake you at night To give you a damned sleeping pill. 40720 MEDICAL - DRUGS A. N. Wilkins P9107 If you suffer from germ warfare mania, They've discovered a cure that'll tame ya'; Like a lamp with a genie, They've found smallpox vaccinie In a freezer in deep Pennsylvania. 40721 MEDICAL - DRUGS Dr Limerick 03-28-02 There once were two brothers called Smith; One said to the other, "What if We could make a cough drop That could a cough stop? We'd be rich," said he, "in a jiff." 40722 MEDICAL - DRUGS Edwin J Weinstein A nubile young lass from Fairlawn, Thought that sex was merely a yawn, Till she took a big pill From a Doc on West Hill. Now she's swimming upstream to spawn. 40723 MEDICAL - DRUGS Jim Weaver Collection That Wendy's a bit of a flake; My Wendy just plays with a drake. But if she feels ill, Instead of a pill, She changes the drake for a snake! 40724 MEDICAL - DRUGS While out with a Doctor of Physic, He slipped me a strong analgesic. I fell to the ground; When I woke up I found I was chained to a lamp-post in Chiswick. 40725 MEDICAL - DRUGS Bill Wall When your stamina's much less than more, And you're old, feeble, infirm and sore, But have scripts on your list, You'll find the pharmacist, At the far back of your huge drug store. 40726 MEDICAL - DRUGS Loren Fitzhugh P0204 Whatever the virus or ills, We cure it by taking some pills. Chemical fixer Or fairy elixer, There is gold in them thar refills. 40727 MEDICAL - DRUGS Timothy Torkildson I've read in the water I drink, There's pure estrogen. So I think A precautionary pill Of testosterone will Be the answer to genital shrink? 40728 MEDICAL - DRUGS I wonder at times if it's not A deliberate feminist plot By a coven of women Incredibly grim 'n So ugly they need to be shot. 40729 MEDICAL - DRUGS A thalidomide baby was Pete; He was born with arms incomplete. But he did not lament This most tragic event; He could still beat his meat with his feet. 40730 MEDICAL - DRUGS Albin Chaplin 3024-1812 Please pity thalidomide Frank; No arms, so he can't have a wank; No cash for a whore, So he's splinters galore In his dick, from a hole in the plank. 40731 MEDICAL - DRUGS Tiddy Ogg Your sympathy might be misplaced. Not a drop of his semen does waste. From flexible stock, He sucks his own cock, And fully enjoys his own taste. 40732 MEDICAL - DRUGS Anon That's one I did never consider, How Thalidomide children deliver Their wads of spermatic; Though auto-eratic, It makes me just shiver and quiver. 40733 MEDICAL - DRUGS NoOne Old men who use well-hardened gums, To nibble old women's ripe plums, Should take my suggestion: When they've indigestion, Get quick relief by taking Tums! 40734 MEDICAL - DRUGS Some turpinhydrate with codeine, That stuff your lung system will clean. It will fix your nose And then help you doze. Of course, it will turn your face green. 40735 MEDICAL - DRUGS Marlene Lewis A little old man from Racine Was in line to get his vaccine. Then he gave a yelp And begged for some help -- The guy behind him was obscene! 40736 MEDICAL - DRUGS Marlene Lewis The age of the pill has arrived; One wonders how past folks survived. In your home, a drugstore, Shelf space, you need more, Does lack of pills mean you're deprived? 40737 MEDICAL - DRUGS Joel D Ash P9808 Vitamins all lined up with your juice, Too many but hard to reduce. Take A, C, and D, Multi plus extra E, Adding new ones that they introduce. 40738 MEDICAL - DRUGS Joel D Ash P9808 There are pills to achieve weight control, Modern ways that you reach a pound goal. If your head starts to ache, There's a pill you can take; To remain a thin soul takes a toll. 40739 MEDICAL - DRUGS Joel D Ash P9808 Allergies? -- more pills are required; Don't forget pills you need if you're tired. Take a cruise on a boat; Pop a pill down your throat; Motion sickness, a move not desired. 40740 MEDICAL - DRUGS Joel D Ash P9808 Are you worried about all those pills? Not to mention the ones for your ills; Does it keep you awake? Take a pill that they make, Go to sleep to escape the pill bills. 40741 MEDICAL - DRUGS Joel D Ash P9808 In springtime, phlegmatic Monica Decided she needed a tonica. Doc prescribed a potion Which increased her motion To speeds which exceed supersonica. 40742 MEDICAL - DRUGS John E Reith P9804 Shrink said she enjoyed feeling sad, Which made her resentfully mad. She went to G.P.; "Take Zoloft," said he; EUDOMONIA felt, she was glad. 40743 MEDICAL - DRUGS Elois There was a prim lady from Chisick, Who consulted a Doctor of Physic. He tested her hormones, And sexual performones, Then prescribed her a strong aphrodisic. 40744 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Anon G0036 An adventurous couple named Zorn, Once diddled and fucked till morn; He thought he would try His wife's Spanish fly, And she took rhinoceros horn. 40745 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Ed Potts P8803 In New Orleans, a long time ago, Lived a voodoo queen, Marie Laveau. She could put in your stew A foul-smelling roux, To make your girl beg you for mo. 40746 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Al Willis P9807 If a love slave is your goal, You'll be wanting to stiffen your pole, By getting your kicks With that voodoo mix. Just remember to plug the right hole. 40747 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Arden They say that that stuff, spanish fly, Will make a girl hot, so pray, why Won't liquidized bluebott- Le moisten her twat? It might, but I've not nerve to try. 40748 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Tiddy Ogg Lady Amelia, down in the cabbages, Said, "My husband has suffered life's ravages. So instead, I'll give hardeners To the junior gardeners, Then they'll take me like a bunch of wild savages. 40749 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Tony Burrell The drug folks are planning to ship Their impotence cure with this tip: "Please swallow this pill. If you chew it, you will Wind up with a stiff upper lip." 40750 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Dick Menkes There was a young nurse called Maxine, Who invented a fucking vaccine. She ingested the lot Direct in her twat; Now she goes and she comes like a dream. 40751 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Peter Stowmarket The sex-habits of Tiffany Wong Implied all kinds of liquids (some strong- Smelling chemical stuff Which, applied to her muff, Made her clit grow extraordinary long). 40752 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Viagra? I read that and smirked; It's oysters I eat to get perked. (I ate a full dozen, But I admit, cousin, That only a half-dozen worked!) 40753 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC "You heard of Dante's Parideeze? Well, my tits are a heavenly squeeze! Flick a pert nip, While you I unzip, And gulp down your Cantharidies." 40754 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC A middleaged man of McGill, Much afraid he was over the hill, Came once more with his hand And some extract of gland, Plus a strenuous effort of will. 40755 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Keith MacMillan 49b I've tried eye of newt, cobb of corn, But still, I confess, I'm forlorn; My half-hard erection Is far from perfection, Must I grind up my Dad's rhino horn? 40756 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Mark Levy P9808 A foolish young yokel from Skye, Procured a vial of Spanish Fly. He had a hot date And he just couldn't wait -- He drank up the whole bottle dry. 40757 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC H WHELCHEL Later on, at the corner drug store, He showed Doc a cock, red and sore. He begged for some balm -- 'Twas for his left arm -- The girl never came to the door! 40758 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC H WHELCHEL There was a young fellow of Burma, Whose betrothed had good reason to murmur. But now that he's married he's Been using cantharides, And the root of their love is much firmer. 40759 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Aldous Huxley L0013 I would ask these drug fellows to try One more formula I'd like to buy. For I'm still awaiting That boon to men's dating, The breakthrough they call Spanish Fly. 40760 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Irish Spanish Fly is irritant noxious, Makes genital burning obnoxious. Intern with young turk, Of him made short work; Ejactio praecoxious. 40761 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Daniel Ford Spanish Fly? Now here's what I think: It's a powder you put in a drink To aid with amour. (She'll act like a whore) If you use it on her, you're a fink. 40762 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Arden They say it will make the gals hotter; You'll soak up their sweat with a blotter. If you'd like some fun -- A smack on the bum -- Spanish Fly comes with a big fly swatter. 40763 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Frank Fazed Although I've been called quite the nipper; Of some things, others are hipper. I'll ask if I may If you'll only say Does Spanish Fly come with a zipper? 40764 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Puff Adder Testosterone poisoning's bad; Affects guys and makes them go mad. Their thinking is skewed Or is the word "screwed?" It's reasoning via gonad. 40765 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Marty A sleazy old doctor from Lima Sold me some brand new Uprima... Popped two 'neath my tongue, My member upsprung, But the swelling was due to edema! 40766 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC My fashion-sense needs to be hipper Like that of a Chippendale stripper. So tell me, (I'm dumb) Does Spanish Fly come With buttons, velcro, or a zipper? 40767 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Bluebird Your birthday's no cause for dejection. See your doctor and get an injection. Have a shot in the ass, Then a good looking lass Will give you a normal erection. 40768 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC A. N. Wilkins P8612 Red-faced is our hero, Tom Brown; His problem has brought him renown. He took an injection To aid with erection -- His rod, now rock hard, won't go down. 40769 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Armand E Singer 784 I've heard a new drug has been born; Makes you orgasm each time that you yawn. Now each boring speech By a political leech Is better than triple-X porn. 40770 MEDICAL - DRUGS - APHRODISIAC Jeeves In La Belle France you'll come to know When the telephone's answered, they show Great respect for extant, Their Folk Medicine plant, Which they honor by saying "Aloe." 40771 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Loren C Fitzhugh P9807 Most remedies medically herbal, And said to relieve or to curb all Diseases, are bought With no proven report, For their stated efficiency's verbal. 40772 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 Arrowroot, got for your bowels, Just pronounce it without any vowels, And it sounds like a fart; All together now, "RRWRT!" (But cover you nostrils with towels.) 40773 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 The root of the buttercup's said To be good for performance in bed. But if you partake Of too much by mistake, You'll be pushing up daisies instead. 40774 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 If you happen to tremble or shiver, If you ache or you sneeze or you quiver, You need not be a martyr, Take the product by Carter, Little Pills that are made for your liver. 40775 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Bob Birch P9807 Remember the mustard plaster; Grandmother's response to disaster; Those enema bags, And gut-wrenching gags When made to drink oil of Castor. 40776 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Bob Birch P9807 If feet are a problem, chiropody Won't do the job like the property Found efficacious In coltsfoot, good gracious, 'Twill soon make you hippity-hoppity. 40777 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK P9807 In Limerick, Ireland, they say There's a freshwater spring by the bay, That cures ailments chronic; In fact, it's so tonic, You'll think in A A B B A! 40778 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK StefSpad Some wisdom I'd like to impart; Digitalis is good for the heart, But in doses so small You can't see them at all. (Taking more is not terribly smart.) 40779 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 Some girls keep a youthful appearance By forming a loyal endearance To creams and smooth lotions, New chemical potions And liquids of pasty adherence. 40780 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Alex Heydon P0401 My aunt fed me sassafras tea And a saucer of fried bumble-bee. Some nice dandelions And hair from bovines, She said this would cure my TB. 40781 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Al Willis P9807 On doctor's strict orders, I strove To eat garlic each hour by the clove. He said, "Good for the heart." Well, it just made me fart. (But I saved on the gas for my stove.) 40782 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 Whenever I'm sick my friends croon, "You're not well, you poor thing, get well soon." If they only knew how To decree, "Get well NOW!" There's a chance I'd recover by noon. 40783 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK If you do not have infinite wealth, Avoid Ginkgo biloba for health. For a handful of doses, Combined with hypnosis, Will damage your pocket by stealth. 40784 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 My dear wife suggested that I Should give Ginkgo Biloba a try. She thinks I'll benefit If I start taking it. Though at present, I can't recall why. 40785 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Loren C Fitzhugh P9807 Take your A and your D and some C, And you guys don't forget to take Z. And what can I say, There's D-H-E-A, Washed down with a strong herbal tea. 40786 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Bob Birch P9807 A strange little woman named Phelp, Came to my door selling kelp. She said I should eat it. And I said to her, "Beat it!" She should call up a shrink; she needs help. 40787 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Al Willis P9807 He was told, "If your dong won't get hard, Let it soak in a bucket of lard." But just once in the bucket And his wife couldn't suck it -- It got soft and all shrunken and scarred. 40788 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK William N Nesbit P9807 I've remained upon this Mortal Coil, Not through clean living and honest toil, But by dodging the chills Aided by Liver Pills, Lots of Witch Hazel and ZEMO Oil. 40789 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Loren C Fitzhugh P9807 A gardening enthusiast, Fox, Felt unwell so he went to the doc's. After prodding and poking, The doc said, "No joking, You've Physalis, Lungwort and Phlox." 40790 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 A witch doctor from Micronesia Had a novel treatment for amnesia: Dried penguin gizzards And eyes of a lizard, In a cupful of Milk of Magnesia. 40791 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Anon If you're searching for a safer cure, Beware of the naturals pure, Like arsenic and poison oak. Deadly nightshade and sulfer soak; Some natural potions can injure. 40792 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Lynn Mostafa They say that by giving a soak To the leaves of the old English Oak, You will end up with "tea" Which is good for the pee. (But I guess it's a medical hoak.) 40793 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 Recently, in emotional spin, I performed an act, but won't again. I did experience "Out of Body" events, Fool I am though, I went right back in. 40794 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Loren C Fitzhugh P9807 My wife's menopausal friend Jill's On six evening primrose oil pills Each day. What's it done? She's calmer, more fun, And willing to give fellows thrills. 40795 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Tiddy Ogg My little friend Snip is a hoot. When told evening primrose would suit As a cure for hot flushes, For aging old lushes, She chewed flower and leaf...even root. 40796 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Ticketyboo The flowers of St. John's Wort, they said, Are a cure for a pain in the head. So I took their advice, And I sniffed once or twice, But acquired sinusitis instead. 40797 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Peter J Wilkins P9807 There once was a fellow named Mort, A sad and real negative sort. Once quite prone to cry, Now such a nice guy, Since starting to take St. John's Wort. 40798 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Bob Birch P9806 The charlatan fed us some roots, And a stew made of entrails of newts. We puked in the foyer And then called our lawyer. That guy's going to pay; bet your boots. 40799 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Al Willis P9807 There once was a black-hearted knave Who sold me some pills at a rave. The bastard had gall; He sold me Tylenol Instead of the substance I crave. 40800 MEDICAL - DRUGS - FOLK Phil T Now hospital doctors must deign To ask patients if they are in pain. The DHHS Is making a guess This'll help to make health care humane. 40801 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Dr Limerick 02-20-01 HMO's are known for dumb docs Who stroll 'round in their monogrammed smocks. They implant springs And keys and things, For winding biological clocks. 40802 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Tom Patton P9704 The doc in the ER said, "Rest In bed for three days would be best." But I can't help sneak, Out for a quick peak; It's boring in bed, I confess. 40803 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS If a widow has moods of dejection And she suffers from loss of affection, Then her pain will subside When the Health Plans provide A bronze cast of her husband's erection. 40804 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Al Chaplin P9405 Candidate Clinton was not being square With our old folks about medicare. Now the campaign's put to bed With healthcare changes ahead. "Bait and Switch" on the sick isn't fair. 40805 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Jim Weaver Collection Suave Robert, he played the field, But to charm, he finally would yield. Seduced by Maria, He got gonorrhea, But his cure was picked up by Blue Shield. 40806 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Thomas G. Keller P9405 On hospital health care, each nurse A Marilyn Monroe, no worse. A blouse peek-a-boo, A generous two, Who'll impotent symptoms reverse. 40807 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Irving Superior P9405 When I saw my doctor today I feared what the blood test might say; But Doc said, "I assure you, I most surely can cure you, If your Health Insurance will pay." 40808 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Evelyn Bogen P9405 The doctors are casting aspersion On each payment stategy version; See, what counts ain't our health, But preserving their wealth; They're practicing health care perversion. 40809 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Mark Levy P9406 There was a rough dude from Pine Bluff, Who claimed to be wirey and tough. But when given a shot, Believe it or not, He'd faint, just like a cream puff. 40810 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Edwin J Weinstein One part of a Health Plan should be A humane apothecary. One dollar a pill, A budget can kill; I'm speaking generically. 40811 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Irving Superior P9405 And also for AARP. And if it's not ASAP. If you do not RSVP, While warning the NYSE. Dear Hillary C. I'm telling the NYPD. 40812 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Irving Superior P9405 My medical tab keeps on soaring; It's reached levels that brook no ignoring. My boss won't defray it So I gotta pay it, And my budget is taking a goring. 40813 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS M Silverstein P0304 From the Colchester Hospital News In the local gazette here last Tues: They're bringing back matrons To care for the patrons; Those patients who're feeling the blues. 40814 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Peter Wilkins No longer just flighty young bits, When you feel like the ultimate pits, But mature older lasses With uniformed asses, And double-sized matronly tits. 40815 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Peter Wilkins But then I read further, oh curses; Those matrons appear to be nurses With masculine bits, 'Stead of comforting tits, And experienced fingers and "purses". 40816 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Peter Wilkins "Oh shit!" mused psychiatrist Granged, "It's no wonder my patient's deranged. I was gone just a week, But the HMO geek Covering for me, medication changed." 40817 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9704 There was a young girl in her bed Who said, "It's not illness I dread, But those terrible meals They roll in on wheels, Which give me a pain in the head." 40818 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Edwin J Weinstein This hospital sucks, without doubt! Wires and tubes have me trapped -- can't get out. Plastic gourd's here for piss; Hope to hell I don't miss! And the nurses won't sit on my snout! 40819 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Allen Wolverton I'm sorry your hospital stay Has filled you with so much dismay. But look on the bright side, Those tubes aren't stuck inside, Your dick, so you could pee or play. 40820 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Carol Some say that the man is a fool, But some think his Health Care plan's cool. It will, says the president, Ensure every resident Admission to medical school. 40821 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Paul Lusch P9405 It's a boil, not a cancerous lesion, And for treatment it just needs a squeezin'; So don't make such a fuss, It's just great globs of pus. For Blue Shield -- catastrophic diseasen. 40822 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Nancy Henry-Kline P9405 I was recently told by Doc Strume And it certainly did make me fume, "Health plans remit a bit When we fail to admit, So please leave my Energency Room." 40823 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9704 For ladies inherently sick, There's a cure that will sure do the trick: A few hours of soaking And some fine friendly poking From the nearest available prick. 40824 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Albin Chaplin 3024-2300 The old woman who lived in a shoe Was quite pregnant and soon would be due. But her HMO said, "Unless you're near dead, Your maternity benefit's through." 40825 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Bob Birch Whenever procedures are slow, They first have to ask HMO. Where once you were king And got everything. You now have become a John Doe. 40826 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Irving Superior P9704 My personal health plan selects A charm that protects against hex; An apple a day Keeps the doctor away; And plenty of good holesome sex. 40827 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Laurence Perrine P9405 Clinton hopes all the old folks are hicks Who will frall for his lies, oh so slick. Clinton tells them "Beware! Dole will rob Medicare!" Then too late they'll find out it's a trick. 40828 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Jim Weaver Collection Clinton's backside got caught in a snare When he promised to save Medicare. Seniors gave their support. The ball's now in his cort. But I doubt our old folks have a prayer. 40829 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Jim Weaver Collection On Health Plans my first choice would be The plan that outlaws the TV -- Those needles they stick To make you more sick, With sleep coming haphazardly. 40830 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Irving Superior P9405 The Health Plan that still is the best-- Let grandpa and grandma attest-- Will cure half our ills And cut half our bills; TWO ASPIRINS...DRINK LIQUIDS...AND REST. 40831 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Irving Superior P9405 Eliminate hospital crime! For a cent cost, they bill you a dime. And even worse still, The negative thrill,. "Wake up, Sir, It's sleeping pill time." 40832 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Irving Superior P9405 Health insurance plans merit a squint And far more, so peruse the fine print. When they read, "WE DO CARE" It translates, "Don't you dare Bill us! On reimbursements we stint." 40833 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9709 On Health Plans, most planners agree, Expensive...and who'll pay the fee? The only sure bet Is who will forget Democracy's motto -- WHY ME? 40834 MEDICAL - HEALTH PLANS Irving Superior P9405 It's a quarter past ten in the morn Of the twenty-first day that young Dawn Has been pushing and panting And wailing and ranting; Will Timothy ever be born? 40835 MEDICAL - METHODS I have had my medical check On all those things below my neck. The doc took my blood But that was a dud; Bloodletting just makes me a wreck. 40836 MEDICAL - METHODS The breast screening unit's come near, And my wife got a note saying, "Dear Madam, Will you come And then we can pum- mell you, as we should every year." 40837 MEDICAL - METHODS Tiddy Ogg "In your local hospital, the van By keen volunteers is manned; We won't hurt you much, As your bosoms are crushed; It's a pain that most people can stand." 40838 MEDICAL - METHODS Tiddy Ogg By volunteers MANNED, so they say. I'll apply for the job right away. And if they are hurt, They'll need comfort and nurt- uring. Why, for that I would pay. 40839 MEDICAL - METHODS Tiddy Ogg It's the yearly tit smashing I hate; It looks like cow tongue on a plate. My heads twisted around; I can't make a sound. (Reminds me, I'm nigh a year late.) 40840 MEDICAL - METHODS Karen If doctors have been turning you red From embarrassment, toes to head, At half the cost ladies, I'd be happy as hades To squeeze you and poke you instead. 40841 MEDICAL - METHODS MrMalo A cervical smear makes one blush. To wish that the doctor would rush, We lie on our backs. They say, "Just relax, While I stick my big tool up your brush." 40842 MEDICAL - METHODS Nini Poo Alex went to the medics in pain, He was limping and using a cane. They asked how he felt, He replied "How much gelt?" He received a cheap shot in a vein. 40843 MEDICAL - METHODS Arthur Pattaffy Dear Chuck paid a visit today To the eye-doctor two miles away. No, it's not 'cause of sex That he thinks he needs specs, For he's kept his mind off it since May. 40844 MEDICAL - METHODS "So Chuck, will you look at this chart? Read the letters. When ready, please start At the top if you may." Chuck looked up and said, "A?" "Why that's great Chuck; it proves that you're smart." 40845 MEDICAL - METHODS "Line 2. Now just concentrate, eh?" Beaming broadly dear Chuck said, "O K." "Why your eyesight's not bad", Said the doctor, "Now lad; Will you tackle line 3? Hello Fay." 40846 MEDICAL - METHODS "Who's Fay?" "My assistant on duty." "She's nice." "Yes she is; she's a beauty; But Chuck, will you read Me line 3." "Yes indeed; Hello Fay." "Hello Chuck." "You're A Q T." 40847 MEDICAL - METHODS "Good heavens, dear Chuck, you're a star!" "O I M M I?" "Chuck, that's too far; That's line 5. I implore You, please read me line 4." "N E B R?" "Of course here, you are." 40848 MEDICAL - METHODS "A Budweiser! Yummy!" "OK; If line 6 you can read me today You may go; but remember, Come back in November." Or guess L B C N U A?" 40849 MEDICAL - METHODS This is what the doctor does best. He waits 'til you're partly undressed And with a hand that's like ice, He doesn't think twice, As he places it onto your chest. 40850 MEDICAL - METHODS Edwin J. Weinstein P9601 There was a tired surgeon named Ratzoff, Who practice was cutting fat pratzoff; Ectomized the vast rear From old lady McBeer, And cried, "What a job...I'm glad thatzoff!" 40851 MEDICAL - METHODS Grand Prix Lim 353 P8305 A desperate hooker named Sheila Ran ads in the Cleveland Pain Dealer: "From belly to knees, Girl wracked with disease, In need of an able faith healer." 40852 MEDICAL - METHODS Armand E Singer 327 An unsatisfied wife from Madrid Took fertility pills, that she did -- An action constructive But all too productive; Now she has to do in her ninth kid. 40853 MEDICAL - METHODS Armand E Singer 521 My doctor's a comical cut-up. When he's gotten a woman's bare butt up On his table; he'll frown And stroke her soft down Until he's gotten his own you-know-what up! 40854 MEDICAL - METHODS Lance Payne P8305 My doctor said, "No cigarette -- That's the worst habit that you can get!" So in a fit of choking, I did quit smoking -- But he wasn't through with me yet. 40855 MEDICAL - METHODS Kaylin He then really gave me the blues, When he insisted on, "No more booze!" He started me thinking, And so, I quit drinking -- But then I heard him accuse: 40856 MEDICAL - METHODS Kaylin "Your cholesterol's way too high -- Stop eating fried foods, or you'll die!" So I quit like he said; I eat veggies instead -- (Or at least, I usually try!) 40857 MEDICAL - METHODS Kaylin I've tried to do my doctor's bidding, But he's gone too far -- I'm not kidding! The thing he said next Was "You must give up sex!" This time, it's the doctor I'm quitting! 40858 MEDICAL - METHODS Kaylin Immortality, there's no denying, Would certainly be satisfying. So now and forever I vow to endeavor To continue to live, or die trying. 40859 MEDICAL - METHODS Jerry Nordal P2005 There once was a man with a groan, Who produced such a melodious tone, That folks far and near Would at his bedside appear, While he trumpeted his passage of stone. 40860 MEDICAL - METHODS Edwin J Weinstein A doctor who lived in Marseilles Invented a new kind of X-ray. You've heard of Cat Scan? Well this brilliant man Has developed 'Le Scan Pousse'. 40861 MEDICAL - METHODS Arthur Deex P8306 A young soldier from North Adelaide, Went to courses to learn some first aid. A hero he ain't; At times he felt faint, Passing out on his final parade. 40862 MEDICAL - METHODS Arthur Pattaffy A vicious old doctor named Boggs Made love potions out of broiled dogs And leeches and vultures Plus various cultures Of germs from the recta of frogs. 40863 MEDICAL - METHODS Armand E Singer 286 The medicine man was a hoot. He was wearing his birthday suit. He served me roach tea, And he waved some gris gris. Then he boldly displayed his big root. 40864 MEDICAL - METHODS Al Willis TP9806 I feel sorry for young Dr. Dow. Our ladies won't go to him now. When examining the parts Of Mrs. Ray Hartz, He should have said "Hmmmm" and not "Wow!" 40865 MEDICAL - METHODS John Ciardi The man who writes fuck is a jerk; He's suspected of having a quirk. But the doctor is great For he writes copulate, And is paid very well for his work. 40866 MEDICAL - METHODS Albin Chaplin 3024-2134 The prostate's a funny old gland And to check it the doc puts his hand Into surgical gloves; Then a finger he shoves Up you...What? (I'm not feeling too grand.) 40867 MEDICAL - METHODS Peter Wilkins The farther that the finger goes, The more you'll begin to suppose If you had a chance At classical dance, You'd stand higher yet on your toes. 40868 MEDICAL - METHODS Frank Fazed I'm glad I don't have one of those, But we have it much worse I suppose. Every three years We have vaginal smears; Quite unpleasant as fingering goes. 40869 MEDICAL - METHODS Jane A cervical smear's not so great. But consider my poor husbands state; Without medication, If he starts urination, At noon, he can't finish till eight. 40870 MEDICAL - METHODS Jane Now my husband's a handsome old stud, But due to said prostate, his pud Needed good old Viagra. Now it flows like Niagara. He certainly's not any dud! 40871 MEDICAL - METHODS Jane My husband's a hunk, you can bet, But he read what I wrote on the net, 'Bout the trials of his pud. Now my name is mud, And my conjugal rights I can't get. 40872 MEDICAL - METHODS Jane Well now, with a little reflection, You might come to see the connection. How you would be feeling Had he come here squealing Of your recurring yeast infection? 40873 MEDICAL - METHODS Tiddy Ogg Indeed I'd be quite ill at ease To see posts of my pussy disease. But he has displayed Shots of us getting laid, And some other obscene jpg's, 40874 MEDICAL - METHODS Jane Now that sure sounds pretty dumb, Your nude pics in the hands of us scum. What were you thinking? You must have been drinking! Reckon you might send me some? 40875 MEDICAL - METHODS MrMalo An American guy, Cyrus Flood, Made his income from selling his blood. At a recent transfusion He caused some confusion; All they found in the syringe was pure mud. 40876 MEDICAL - METHODS Arthur Pattaffy There was an old Doctor named Couie, Who said to his patients, "J'ai vouie To cure all your ills Without any pills; You just think yourself well -- that's the new way!" 40877 MEDICAL - METHODS Bob Scott Though devoid of all sensual stroking, You ought to be used to the poking And all the tit squeezing; Though not very pleasing, One day just might keep you from croaking. 40878 MEDICAL - METHODS MrMalo An A.M.A. doctor named Bruce Tells patients to try self-abuse. "It helps your celerity, Improves your dexterity, And no chance you'll sire a papoose." 40879 MEDICAL - METHODS Armand E Singer 314 There once was a doctor who said, "Far too many sick folk die in bed. There's no deadlier place And to rescue the race, I suggest using armchairs instead." 40880 MEDICAL - METHODS Towanbucket A performance artiste name of Hannah, Did her gig with a metallic banana. With it in position, She'd show the condition, With the help of a fluoroscope scanna'. 40881 MEDICAL - METHODS Peter Wilkins I once knew a religious nurse, Who kept holy water in her purse. When giving sponge baths, She'd risk patient's wrath, When from purse some HW she'd asperse. 40882 MEDICAL - NURSES Norm Brust There are some R.N.'s, I confess, About their patients, they couldn't care less. They only got their degree To catch an M.D. And thus become an MRS. 40883 MEDICAL - NURSES Kaylin A medic who served at Fort Ord Had earned the Great Bushwhacker Sword. Right after Pearl Harbor, They made him a barber Up in the maternity ward. 40884 MEDICAL - NURSES P8305 Fred's catheter tubing hung down, Off the bed, barely clearing the ground. Then his nurse, Cindy-Lou, Hooked the tube with her shoe. Fred's yell was heard all over town! 40885 MEDICAL - NURSES Betty A Cassano When working at home, there are few Real distractions apart from the view That I have of the street, Watching nurses petite Go to work and return from it too. 40886 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins They seem to get younger each day, As they giggle and walk with a sway Of their hips in their short Little uniforms taut... But it's "Hi Gramps!" I fear they may say. 40887 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins A mysterious visiting nurse Made all of her rounds in a hearse; If a patient had died, She could give them a ride. 'Twas believed that she carried a curse. 40888 MEDICAL - NURSES Cap'n Bean P0211 DEBRIDEMENT of source of infection Relies on injury detection, And nurses, not bride, There at the bedside To reduce some pain with injection. 40889 MEDICAL - NURSES Daniel Ford I worked as a nurse in I C U; Debridement I dreaded to do. The patient would scream Just like a bad dream, As I cut away skin and goo! 40890 MEDICAL - NURSES Maggie We'd soak them in Ivory Snow, And they looked upon us as Foe. Burn victims so sad, They thought we were bad! Mean nurses...they thought we were so! 40891 MEDICAL - NURSES Maggie That job convinced me, you see, To burn is a nightmare for me. I'll never forget Each victim I met; That fate...I would not rather be! 40892 MEDICAL - NURSES Maggie To care for those stricken with gout, To soothe the fear and the doubt. 'Twas her ambition, she Always wanted to be A nurse, but it didn't pan out. 40893 MEDICAL - NURSES VOL 6 The nurses, I say, make it shorter; It's plain that they're just out of order. They shave all your parts (And that really smarts!) And always with very cold water. 40894 MEDICAL - NURSES Al Willis But here is one thing that is worse, If to medical things you're adverse: Catheterization! Quite a sensation. Insertion is... well, Good Night Nurse! 40895 MEDICAL - NURSES Irish "The thrill of my life," said Miss Ghant, "When I think of it, it makes me pant. Memories of that thrill Remain with me still. An enema by my cross-eyed aunt!" 40896 MEDICAL - NURSES Clarence E. Boyle P9011 The patient in Room 201 Was not having very much fun. The big nurse was so rough With the enema stuff, He now has a very sore bun. 40897 MEDICAL - NURSES Julia Strawn P8812 Brunhilde, a Munich-born nurse Has occasion to do the perverse To princes and rubes With her enema tubes. They call her the Teutonic Curse. 40898 MEDICAL - NURSES LaDonna Jones P8503 A medical student named Jones Learned all about all of the bones; The muscles, the senses, The nerves, and the menses, And the nurses' erogenous zones. 40899 MEDICAL - NURSES Laurence Perrine P9409 Most nurses, however exquisite Their virginal looks, are explicit 'Bout bodily functions And sexual conjunctions. I wonder, please tell me, why is it? 40900 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins Little Bob has just a small fetish; With nurses he's just slightly pettish. He fantasizes of hips And ruby red lips, With smiles that are down right coquettish. 40901 MEDICAL - NURSES Said the clergyman once to the nurse, "I prayed that things wouldn't get worse. But my thoughts were not Holy When you stuck in that Foley And I struggled to stifle a curse." 40902 MEDICAL - NURSES Jeff Purser Being sound of both mind and of body, Though a little bit feeble and dotty, I leave all my money To that sweet little honey, The nurse who helps me to the potty. 40903 MEDICAL - NURSES When the monitor showed runs of V-tach, (tachycardia) The nurse gave Joe's sternum a whack. With a look of surprise, Old Joe opened his eyes. Then he said, "My, it's good to be back!" 40904 MEDICAL - NURSES Betty A Cassano I anticipate early bloodclotting, Stat Heparin...inject quite alot in 'Til red-river is thinned And bloodthoughts are finned To surf the brainwaves -- not get caught in. 40905 MEDICAL - NURSES Judy Grimes P9912 Nurse, I imagine you stripping And feel that my pulse is a-skipping A beat, and my breathing Is heavy. I'm seething With lust; can you guess what I'm gripping? 40906 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins I'm steaming because of the heat And I'm making a tent of this sheet. Will you strip off your gown And come bounce up and down On my meat till my treatment's complete? 40907 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins There was an old nurse named Jane, Who wasn't terribly sane. She had a strange vice; She gave enemas of ice, Which made all the patients complain. 40908 MEDICAL - NURSES Robbi Young nurses can give the impression, Because of their chosen profession, Of being au fait In an intimate way With a gentleman's private possession. 40909 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins With nurses you can't take a chance Because they can sure tell at a glance, The state of your health, The size of your wealth, And what's going on in your pants. 40910 MEDICAL - NURSES Archie A nurse motivated by spite, Tied her infantile charge to a kite. She launched it with ease On the afternoon breeze, And watched till it flew out of sight. 40911 MEDICAL - NURSES Edward Gorey 0We can't let your fleshy tube ruin -- It's okay -- I know what I'm doin' -- In your situation, Some light lubrication Will soon have you pitchin' and wooin'. 40912 MEDICAL - NURSES Kaylin To ease your fleshy turmoil, I'll warm up this sweet-smelling oil. Then apply it, like so -- Gosh, look at it grow! This moment we don't want to spoil. 40913 MEDICAL - NURSES Kaylin "Who am I?" asked Jeff the Charge Nurse. "Each day now it seem a bit worse. I stand up to pee: A male I must be, With wallet and never a purse." 40914 MEDICAL - NURSES Archie Nurse Jeff into Archie's room barged; "The tests show your cock is enlarged, So I'm here to treat Your poor swollen meat, And afterwards, you'll be discharged!" 40915 MEDICAL - NURSES Travis Brasell Nurses in the hospital hall Are clearly ignoring your call. Though they hear you quite well, When you tickle your bell, They seem to be having a ball. 40916 MEDICAL - NURSES Edwin J Weinstein I once met a naughty young nurse, Who let me scrape blade 'round her purse. She said, "All is fair, I know you hate hair." In fact I felt none for the wurst. 40917 MEDICAL - NURSES H WHELCHEL Now tell you I must, of Nurse Maud, The scourge of the surgical ward; She'll feed you foul potions, Apply stinging lotions, And give painful tugs to your cord. 40918 MEDICAL - NURSES Tiddy Ogg And then mini-skirted Nurse Shuler; When she's near you, you can't keep your cooler. But she'll see your tent Pole arise, then's hell-bent On slapping it down with a ruler. 40919 MEDICAL - NURSES Tiddy Ogg That pre-op nurse is HARBINGER, A personal calm infringer, Who'll shave near your crotch, Then move on to botch Butt jab, as painful syringer. 40920 MEDICAL - NURSES Chris Papa Reviewing the charts is a pain. Poor handwriting gives me eyestrain. By the end of the shift What I need is a lift, Not further assault on my brain. 40921 MEDICAL - NURSES Jim Weaver Collection A high school nurse, I was this week. I am GARRULOUS, as I speak. They arrived en masse, Trying to skip class. My sympathy, they did seek. 40922 MEDICAL - NURSES Maggie Now the word is out in the school: "The nurse is a softy...How cool! She'll write us a note! We have a sore throat." The really think I am a fool! 40923 MEDICAL - NURSES Maggie Many a crotch have I shaved; I always used soap. Patients raved! The butts that I stabbed Were so gently jabbed, Their road to recovery -- well paved! 40924 MEDICAL - NURSES Maggie "My first love," said Rambo Stallone, "Was my liberal nanny, Miss Stone. She taught me to crawl, To suckle, to ball; Ain't nothing she didn't condone." 40925 MEDICAL - NURSES Mark Levy P9309 Rectal temps? I've done quite a few, Enemas, and impaction checks too; Hernia inspection, Or plain old injections -- Nurses start at the bottom, it's true. 40926 MEDICAL - NURSES Spuddie I've promised my therapist (curses) I'll make no more mention of nurses. I'm awful annoyed 'Cause my brain is devoid Of ideas for my limerick verses. 40927 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins I've talked to the shrink about Liz, (Though embarrassed to mention the fizz That according to Freud, I could have well enjoyed) And my shrink said a sister of his... 40928 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins ...Was a sexual surrogate; would I be interested? "Yes," I said, "Could You arrange for a session Of passionate flesh on...?" He said, "Yes, she's a nurse and she's good." 40929 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins "How the hell would that help me," I said, "To get rid of these thoughts in my head? Oh my God, I'll succumb; Will she help me to come?" He said, "No, but she'll slap you instead." 40930 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins For you see she's that evil Nurse Cratchitt; Don't dare to suggest that she scratch it. Don't fiddle about For she'll certainly shout And will probably try to detach it. 40931 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins Doctor's orders, concise and specific, Written clearly, no one hieroglyphic, Could be read with great ease. All the nurses were pleased. They all thought that he was terrific. 40932 MEDICAL - NURSES Betty Ann Cassano I live near a hospital, so I see nurses each day as I go Off to work and I greet Them with, "Hello, I'm Pete; Shall we meet up tonight for a hoe?" 40933 MEDICAL - NURSES And when, after work, I get back, I am frequently met by a pack Of young nurses who say, "Can we come in and play?" But I'm often too knackered, alack. 40934 MEDICAL - NURSES Weekends are OK, for I find That the stresses of work have declined. So it's during the week, Your assistance I seek, If you would be so awfully kind. 40935 MEDICAL - NURSES When first I espied your sweeet face, My heart began racing apace; It started to pound As I fell to the ground, But the hospital nurses were ace. 40936 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins A young fellow, the star of this verse, Got sick and turned steadily worse; Which caused folks to worry And get in a flurry; Until he took a turn for the nurse. 40937 MEDICAL - NURSES Return of Limerick P0800 You may or may not be aware That I live near a hospital where They give lovely lasses Biology classes And train them in patients and care. 40938 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins Most gorgeous is virginal Kay For she causes me trouser affray, As she walks past my door At a quarter to four, At anatomy classes each day. 40939 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins But why can't she practice on me? I would teach her for gratis and free. So I'm thinking perhaps I'll pretend to collapse As she walks down the road after tea. 40940 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins Thus 'injured', she couldn't ignore; She'd offer assistance, I'm sure. Then I'd groan and I'd moan As I showed her my bone Needed careful attention and more. 40941 MEDICAL - NURSES Peter Wilkins It is stupid to call it a binge; The main line is not on the fringe. Like the touch of your hand As I untie the tube and Pull blood back into the syringe. 40942 MEDICAL - NURSES Jim Weaver Collection The "Heaven's Awaiting You" care Home has nurses called Debbie and Claire; But Claire is a bitch So the gentlemen itch For the touch of young Debbie so fair. 40943 MEDICAL - NURSES For Debbie, at bath-time's, aware How a gentleman's delicate pair Of bollocks need soaping With sensitive groping, And stroking with infinite care. 40944 MEDICAL - NURSES But tough when it's Claire's turn to wash 'em; With bleach, undiluted, she'll splosh 'em, Then scrub 'em with loofahs Or pan-scouring doofahs And quite comprehensively squash 'em. 40945 MEDICAL - NURSES Young John is the nurse with the grin; As needles and tubes he sticks in To arms and bare bums, And sometimes your tums, While ogling the new nurse Robyn. 40946 MEDICAL - NURSES Now Peter the patient just snores And sounds of annoyance ignores. We'll beat in his head Until he is dead; A homocide done with due cause. 40947 MEDICAL - NURSES I choked and called out to the nurse, "Oh, hurry, I am feeling worse!" "Hey, put down your head -- You're not worse, you're dead! I've already called for the hearse." 40948 MEDICAL - NURSES Marlene Lewis Some people have all of the luck A nurse with young parts all so suck- ably sweet; You can feel the heat Rise as she leans over to tuck... 40949 MEDICAL - NURSES Tutta Gioia ...You in as you sense her warm breath, When she whispers and winks, "Hi, I'm Beth..." But I had a crone (A good 15 stone) As mean as old Lady MacBeth. 40950 MEDICAL - NURSES Tutta Gioia She marched in all frowny and jowly, Her breeath it was rank, fetid, and bowely. She whipped off the sheet, Rammed home that "Fleet" Enema, cackling most fouly. 40951 MEDICAL - NURSES Tutta Gioia When that was all done, she hissed, "Son, Now for some really good fun. While I razor your pubes, You massage my boobs... Your chores have just only begun." 40952 MEDICAL - NURSES Tutta Gioia This was a bit much, you'll agree... So I thought, and then said, "I must pee..." I hoped to escape; I fear old-crone-rape, But she smirked, "I will hold it...He he." 40953 MEDICAL - NURSES Tutta Gioia She grabbed it; I started my stream, In her fat-folded eyes was a gleam. I jerked fast away, In her face aimed the spray, Then fled her perverted regime. 40954 MEDICAL - NURSES Tutta Gioia Because of where Tom had his calluses, The doctor prescribed urinalysis. The nurse read his chart Then shouted, "Let's start! I'm Alice and now you're in Alice's". 40955 MEDICAL - NURSES Irving Superior P8305 Said a starchy and proper young nurse, "My life has been plagued by a curse. I was told by my pappa, That sex was improper; Now I find that abstaining is worse." 40956 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Isaac Asimov Some nurses, though are evil witches. Appendix removed, added stitches. While washing this bloke, They told many a joke. Was in pain again. Horrible bitches! 40957 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Dirruk Nancy Taylor, a registered nurse, Tends patients who get well or get worse. She well knows if she slips It's goodbye Mr. Chips, And a trip in a Cadillac hearse. 40958 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Tom Patton If you thrive on conditions adverse, Fatigue, blood, and pain and much worse, High O.T., low pay, Long nights and long days With arrogant docs -- be a nurse! 40959 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Dr Limerick 05-07-01 When giving your patients an assist, Save your back. Avoid doing the twist. Beg, plead, or yelp, But round up some help. Keep your name off the casualty list. 40960 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Jim Weaver Collection Before giving meds and IV's, Be sure to check patient IDs. For the patient ahead May be in the wrong bed, While the right one could be absentee. 40961 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Betty Ann Cassano Give unusual orders a check. Confirm them; make sure they're correct. It's OK to give rein And make use of your brain. Remember, it's your license and neck. 40962 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Jim Weaver Collection There was a young nurse named McCord, Who worked in a hospital ward. She got forty a week And no more did she seek, For she said that she got her (w)hole board. (bored?) 40963 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Albin Chaplin When a doctor writes orders and notes And you can't figure out what he wrote, Just be very firm. Confront the big worm, And shove each worthless page down his throat! 40964 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Betty Ann Cassano There once was a Nurse named Cratchett, Who's fist worked just like a rachet. She could wrench your guts, While tightening your nuts, And if you had an itch, she would scratch it! 40965 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Kaylin Brandon Water or ice on the floor Are things you should never ignore. The words you recite May not be polite When you land on your posterior. 40966 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Jim Weaver Collection When I'm Mrs. Nurse, starched and pressed -- Patients and colleagues are impressed By my nursing skill; If you're ever ill, Just call upon me -- I'm the best! 40967 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Kaylin Brandon If I'm ever ill, you're elected, With neither persona rejected, To give me great care From head to down there. 'Til then, dear, does this look infected? 40968 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Frank Come here -- let me see that, dear Frank -- It's all read and swollen, your shank. Just what I suspected, It isn't infected -- You just gave it too hard a yank! 40969 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Kaylin The sweetest of nurses is Kate; Her neatness, in verses, narrate; But give her a chance To get in your pants, Completely diverse her fellate. 40970 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Randog Does she hang upside-down from the ceiling? Does her tongue on your gland send you reeling? Diversity's groovy (Just like a porn movie). For me, it brings sexual healing! 40971 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE RANDOG Our Kate is a practising nurse And most of her comments are terse; But I'll not upset her Or feel up her sweater -- I don't want a rid in a hearse. 40972 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Archie If you asked if she liked back door boffin' Or if a threesome's in the offin', Would her smile be demure As she answered you "Sure!" Or would you end up in a coffin? 40973 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Randog An amorous writer of verses, Was specially enamoured of nurses; But he found each advance In pursuit of romance Met only with starchy reverses. 40974 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Harold C. Bibby Getting orders reversed was the foil Of a nurse on the ward, dumb Miss Coyle. Things came to a head Claimed her boss Dr. Shedd When he told her to prick a man's boil. 40975 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Bob Giandomenico P9003 This nurse, like a blonde Olive Oyl, On the hospital night shift did toil; With a kettle ('twas steaming) Woke a patient up screaming; The doc yelled: "No! No! Prick the boil!" 40976 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE To the doctor went old Mr. Frick, And the nurse said, "Lie down, you look sick. "Tell me, what can I do Till the doc can see you?" So he asked her to suck on his prick. 40977 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Albin Chaplin 3024-0812 When a "sundowner's" tucked in for the night, Be sure that his posey's tied tight. Or he'll wander around Till he finally falls down, And an incident report you must write. 40978 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Jim Weaver Collection A booze-impaired patient named Ted Refused to be tied to the bed. The nurse said in part, "The belt, you old fart, Prevents falling and hitting your head!" 40979 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Betty Ann Cassano If you waken a patient at night, Be gentle, don't give him a fright. Stand back from the bed. If he's out of his head, He might try to punch out your light. 40980 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Jim Weaver Collection When you move beds with your chums, Be kind to your knuckles and thumbs. Tuck them safely inside 'Cause the doors aren't too wide. And smashed hands are quite cumbersome. 40981 MEDICAL - NURSES - ADVICE Jim Weaver Collection As a nurse, Florence Nightingale led All others, with skill so inbred, And great care she would take, With each patient she'd make Without even disturbing the bed. 40982 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Bob Giandomenico P9407 Confession; I've never been had By any young nurse name of Glad. And though I be burstin' To stuff my old wurst in, She says I'm as old as her dad. 40983 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins And Pearl in the hospital shop, Whose uniform's bursting up top, Has looks that are winning But merely starts grinning, When calling me "grandad" or "pop". 40984 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins I guess I should settle for Shirl, A matronly kind of a girl, With uniform starched And of loving quite parched, And some twenty years older than Pearl. 40985 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins Now Pete, sonny, don't give up hope. You're not yet as old as the pope. And that papal bull Still reckons to pull A girl while he's mainlining dope. 40986 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Tiddy Ogg There's no need to settle for less, Your dream can still be a success. Get rid of old Shirl, Forget about Pearl, And come get me out of this dress. 40987 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Naughty Nurse For sure I shall whip off your dress And then I shall start to caress... Oh, fuck the caressing, There's something more pressing, And likely to cause quite a mess. 40988 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins So quickly, bend over this chair And wave your sweet ass in the air; Now brace yourself, Nursie, For here cometh Percy, About to explode, I declare. 40989 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins The trouble with my eager Percy's If it can't find no suitable nursys, To allow nice tight fits In their glorious slits, It rehearses, rehearses, rehearses. 40990 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Chris Lilley And if you thing that it's a shame, To admit such a premature game, It's those nurses I thank For inspiring a wank, Though, as an excuse, this is lame. 40991 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Chris Lilley If cared for by Gladys, the nursie, Control your most private Percy; For if it should stiffen, She'll give you a biff 'n' A bash on the head without mercy. 40992 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins But hark! Sounds like Glad at the door. "Oh Gladys, come in!" I implore. "This percy I'm flashin' Need biffin' with passion, Then tenderly nursed when it's sore." 40993 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins Peter, please stifle you rage; I'm sure Gladys works for a wage. Are you going to pay her? Or go with a prayer? That Gladys can't guess your true age? 40994 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Dudesdead Sweet Gladys is half of my age; No cash do I payer, or wage. She does it for free As she sits on my knee, And our mutual lust we assuage. 40995 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins The fun that we have ain't illicit; She pays me, twice daily, a visit. On the shag-pile we writhe, For she's toned and she's lithe, And her bodily parts are exquisite. 40996 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Peter Wilkins The fear, said a nurse named Miss Glock, Of drowning would send her in shock. It was known to all folk She could not swim a stroke, But was often found down on the doc. 40997 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Albin Chaplin 3024 P8305 So I'm boffing this nurse down in Fla.; Right there in the hospital corridor. But I finish too soon, And she calls me a goon. Her behavior could not have been horrider. 40998 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Hugh Clary A naive student nurse of McGill Made excessive demands on the pill. When six interns she'd bed Every night, 'cause they said It was part of the hospital drill. 40999 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Keith MacMillan 49a Young Clair always nurses with care And won't take me up on a dare. She won't wrap that cuff 'Round what longs for her muff, And test the blood pressure that's there. 41000 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Archie I love to see Claire when she's bare And love the way she likes to share Her arms and her charms, Which raise no alarms In pursuing our private affair. 41001 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Archie "Get on with it, nurse, do you hear? What the hell are you doing, my dear? Oh my god, you're fellating Him; now you're gyrating Around and on top of his spear." 41002 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED To the doctor, complained old MacMaddit, "When my prick gets too hard, I have had it. This erection's a curse." Said the doc's helpful nurse, "Would you mind if I took a crack at it?" 41003 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Albin Chaplin 3024-2177 A promiscuous night-nurse has found Some advice that is solid and sound: That an apple a day Keeps the doctor away, While her tits keep him coming around. 41004 MEDICAL - NURSES - SCREWED Oh nurse, is it terribly wrong That I have this great yearning and long- ing to grab your attention And blushingly mention The way you're affecting my dong? 41005 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins A luscious young R.N. from Florida, Found that doctors just couldn't be horrider. They pounced on her date, With a young graduate, And stretched her interne in the corridor. 41006 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY John Ciardi A nurse with green eyes, gentle Dot Washed my balls where I lay on my cot. My condition was such That I couldn't rise much. But grateful? You betcha! Alot! 41007 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY John Miller The naughty young nymphatic nurse Could cause a lymphatic to burst; Or any such node Would likely explode, If she gives her best to your wurst! 41008 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Jon Gearhart I'll sit on your knee all undressed; In your face put my bare naked breast. And steady your nerves, In my luscious curves, My job's to see that you're not stressed. 41009 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Wahey! Naughty Nurse! Surgeon Pete Here. Your mammaries sure look a treat In your uniform white And exceedingly tight; Not surprising you can't see your feet. 41010 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY That uniform sure is audacious; It clings to your figure bodacious. Bend over, my dear, Let me leer at your rear For I do like my nurses curvaceous. 41011 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Wahey! Yes; it's just as I thought; What you're wearing is not only taut 'Cross your hard-jutting nips And the curve of your hips, Why, it's also remarkably short. 41012 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY So short (touch your toes) I can see That you're wearing no panties. Yippee! Yes, you can help this Doc If you take off your frock, And come sit your cute rump on my knee. 41013 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Jon Gearhart There's a hospital nursemaid whose charm Gives heart patients cause for alarm. Her bosomy bounce And wriggly flounce, Might cause their weak tickers great harm. 41014 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Bruce Thompson A nurse at the clinic, named Polly, Was thought by the doctors as jolly. To hear the girl shreik, They spent Christmas week Chasing their jolly Polly with holly. 41015 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Arthur Pattaffy While making the bed, Nurse McGraff, Behind her did hear a low laugh. She was had on the couch By a man with a slouch. She was sure 'twas the chief of the staff. 41016 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Albin Chaplin In case of libidinous urgency, And consequent constant resurgency, There's nothing so grand For one's gland as a hand From those nurses who work in Emergency. 41017 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Said the doctor's dear wife, Mrs. Dix, "I will work as your nurse, just for kicks. Send the men to the back Where I'll show them my crack, And perhaps I can fondle their pricks." 41018 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Albin Chaplin 3024-2205 The Mountain View Clinic in Graybull, With little old gray men is full. The new nurse is hot. They ask her a lot, "Hey, Nursie, please give mine a pull!" 41019 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY You may think this a trifle perverse (Am I stupid or crazy or worse) But there's more than just sex To this life... Where's my specs; I've just seen the most gorgeous young nurse. 41020 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Delightfully laughing and tripping, That nursie is waving and skipping. "Hello, little nursie; Come play with my percy." "What that thing? It's hardly worth gripping." 41021 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY While dancing and licking the pole, The nurse shoved her hand in her hole. Doc said, "You'll be curin' By licking the urine, But now, your hands are quite full!" 41022 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Jim Weaver Collection And now that we've met, tell me please -- Do all those nurse jokes make you freeze? Like, "How can you tell Who's the Head Nurse? Well She's the one with the dirty knees." 41023 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Kaylin A whore who's a nurse in the day, At night must peddle a lay. Since sexual repression Can lead to depression, Her sign reads "Insurance Will Pay." 41024 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Bob Birch P0301 My joints with arthritis, inflamed; Rheumatoid is the culprits name. Nurse Bliss, hard of hearing, Thought 'I' was inflaming And wanted an attempt to tame... 41025 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Jim Weaver Collection My over-excited baloney, She wanted to ride like a pony. She said "Your sausage, I will hold hostage, If you think you can make me moaney." 41026 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Jim Weaver Collection Nurse Kate at sixteen a sweet virgin, Met up with a randy young surgeon. He blushed with surprise When she opened her thighs And cried, "Take me!", without further urgin'. 41027 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY H Welchel A buxom young thing, our Nurse Nancy, Whose long slender legs I did fancy. Just imagine my surprise, When by the gleam in her eyes, I discovered in her bed an occupancy. 41028 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Renaissance_Guy A man who was old and divested Of health, he had long since attested, Was restored to his youth, Not by gin or Vermouth, But by fondling his nurse, so large-breasted! 41029 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY M.D.: "Why doesn't this patient get rest?" R.N.: "Each time I bend over his chest, His thing I won't mention Springs up to attention -- Well, you must imagine the rest." 41030 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Laurence Perrine P8802 The Doc's helper, a real work of art, On a stool sat right by, stirred my heart. He two knees, so warm, Rested on my bare arm. And (Hot damn) they were somewhat apart! 41031 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Allen Wolverton Those warm knees set me to brewing; About legs, thighs and sweet scruffy screwing; While the doctor man toiled, All my hormones just boiled; Never noticed what old man was doing. 41032 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Allen Wolverton Today all the Debbies and Pams Are attending their nursing exams; I've been watching them bounce Up the road with a flounce, To the hospital near where I am. 41033 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Perverted? Not me! It ain't true; But I have me this underground view, From a storm-weather drain -- I've been down there again, Looking upwards. (They haven't a clue.) 41034 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Though panties young Pamela lacks, Her pussy resembles a yak's; While Debbie wears tight Ones, translucent and white, Which ride up between both of her cracks. 41035 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins The Colchester Road that I know Is full of young nurses aglow; Not one is a dog And they leave me agog, With a feeling of tightness below. 41036 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY It's exercise, see, for the fingers For girls who need petting that lingers; And though I'm not hung Like a donkey, my tongue Is perfection for sweet cunnilingus. 41037 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY When Debbie takes care of my hose In the regular Ying and Yang pose, It leaves both of my hands For her mammary glands, While my tongue goes to work on her rose. 41038 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Because today is Virgin Day, I'll stay down here, out of the way. Until you call for, Something more hard-core, To tend to your trouser affray. 41039 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY The surgical nurse, Miss McCall, Is competent, lovely and tall. She is negative toward A chase in the ward, But welcomes pursuit in the hall. 41040 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY VOL 6 Thanks, Nurse, I'm feeling much better (Lovely things there in your sweater). My poor fleshy tube Just needs a good lube; Please help me to make it wetter. 41041 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Jim Weaver Collection Subliminal phantasmagoria Of nurses like Gladys and Gloria, Can leave one defenceless To utterly senseless, Conditions of lustful euphoria. 41042 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins You glide like a dream 'round the room, While my heart it goes boom-titty-boom. And the glorious sight Of your uniform tight, Causes willy to harden and bloom. 41043 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins I'm silently watching the sweet Little nurses pass by on the street; But alas and alack, Seems I haven't the knack, For not one's fallen down at my feet. 41044 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY The ladies in virginal white, Who roam in the wards late at night, Although they're a dream, And are not what they seem, They're not virgins and not very tight. 41045 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Archie I salivate, slobber and drool At Emily, barely left school; A nursing assistant Who give me persistant Unruly tumesence of tool. 41046 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Now, I just came to work in a place With Nurses right there in my face. I'll test them all, too; There's more than a few, If Matron will get off my case! 41047 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Archie That limerick will lead you off-base; What was said, was not quite the case. He's having such fun; He'd get some work done, If Matron would get off on his face. 41048 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Marlene Lewis Pull up the sheets, she's drawing near With a quart-sized injection. Your fear Is her inspiration. Here comes penetration! I think she's abscessed with your rear. 41049 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Cyber Wizard There was this mortician, DeWitt, A low and unprincipled shit. He speadeagled a nurse On the floor of the hearse, And didn't regret it one bit. 41050 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Armand E Singer 59 Will you fondle me under the sheet, While I play with your boobs and your neat Little buttocks? I pray We can do it today; Will you give me this one little treat? 41051 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins So dextrous a doctor was he, His technique was something to see. 'Till nurse Dowd, a virgin, Cried out, "Oh, my surgeon! You poked the wrong organ in me!" 41052 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY There once was an eager young nurse, Who felt that she had to rehearse, Every sexual joy, Every hot little ploy, To succeed in becoming perverse. 41053 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Isaac Asimov I'm sure that we're both here by fate. I'm going to ask her for a date, (Could do a lot worse Than this cheery nurse) Right after she's checked my prostate. 41054 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY We nurses are portrayed as flirts, Wearing sussies and little white skirts. But it's scrubs that I wear; No spike heels, so there! (Well, maybe for certain perverts.) 41055 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Cheryl Young Katie and Sue are two nurses Who earn from their patients wild curses, By shaving their pubes And poking in tubes, While singing some very rude verses. 41056 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Archie "My poor back," said the man, "I did twist it, And my sex life, for years I have missed it." The doc's nurse, young in years, Heard his story in tears, So she stood on her head and he kissed it. 41057 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Albin Chaplin 3024-1912 On Saturday mornings, I loves To visit Nurse Deborah Doves; It's worth every pound For the sight and the sound Of her snapping on surgical gloves. 41058 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins All right, Mister Big, get 'em off! No shyness! Come on! Let's just doff The shirt, pants and shoes... Silk underwear too! Now head to the side and let's cough. 41059 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Nurse Doves I've snapped to attention, Miss Doves, On hearing those surgical gloves; Now percy is yours. (Though inside of your drawers, He'd be done in a couple of shoves.) 41060 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Oh Peter, old fellow, old chap, On Fridays Nurse Doves mops my lap And ass, which she loves, Then says, "These great gloves On Saturdays, still have their 'snap'." 41061 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Travis Brasell So what if they do? I make sure She uses a pair from the store, Hermetically sealed On which nowt is congealed, 'Fore she snaps 'em and gives me what for. 41062 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Twin nurses, young Kirsty and Kate, Had fun every Friday at eight; For that's when they toured The men's sugical ward, In a rather inebriate state. 41063 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins In uniforms virginal white, And teasingly tiny and tight, They'd wiggle and jiggle Their bosoms and giggle, While causing the geezers delight. 41064 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Though one of the gentlemen, Jim, Had never had inklings for quim, The others would snuffle, Kerfluffle or puffle And shuffle with vigor and vim. 41065 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Except for curmudgeonly Fred, Who sat there impassive in bed, Avoiding the sight Of their uniforms tight, On account the poor bugger was dead. 41066 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Peter Wilkins Sometimes, I'm a sweet Southern belle, Wearing high heels and pearls, can you tell? Soft-spoken, demure -- Not one thought impure -- It's a role at which I excel. 41067 MEDICAL - NURSES - SEXY Kaylin There was a young lady named Kitchener, Who slipped on the quayside at Itchenor. In spite of the pain, She laughed like a drain, When the surgeon inserted a stitch in her. 41068 MEDICAL - SURGERY To the Doctor's office he went. "Castrate me," said the young gent. The Doc said, "I'm through, Circumcision too?" "Damn! That's the word that I meant." 41069 MEDICAL - SURGERY John Futhey "This looks like two squid on two bikes," Said the surgeon of poor Michael Sykes. As he held up the tumor, (He loved stand-up humor And could never resist open mikes). 41070 MEDICAL - SURGERY Graham Lester An aneurysm operation And my rehabilitation Has left me averse To writing any verse While waiting each alleviation. 41071 MEDICAL - SURGERY Irving Superior P9809 Asked a patient who faced appendectomy, "What kind of a fee d'you expectomy?" Said the doc, "Since your pulse Indicates the results, Any kind but a post-dated checktomy." 41072 MEDICAL - SURGERY Ogden Nash P9002 "The pain, Dr. Smith, is unbearable!" "Yes, yes, Miss, I know it is terrible. But to cure a broken heart Is beyond a surgeon's art, Or at least, since I'm married, unethical. 41073 MEDICAL - SURGERY Lance Payne P8503 There was a young man from Kilkenny Who claimed that he didn't have any; But the poor fellow lied, They were way up inside, And he had them brought down for a penny. 41074 MEDICAL - SURGERY Harald S. Green P8510 The hand surgeon's pecker was sick; A tendon transplant did the trick, Which he took from his hand. His erection is grand, But he can't get a hold of his prick. 41075 MEDICAL - SURGERY Albin Chaplin 3024-3012 Said a demented surgeon, Ben Dix, "I found a new way to get kicks. Down at the library, It gets kind of scary, When I remove a book's appendix." 41076 MEDICAL - SURGERY Tom Patton P9506 There once was a young man named Ennis With lots of foreskin on his penis. Said his girlfriend, a Jew, "It's Bris time for you, 'Cause I don't want your foreskin between us." 41077 MEDICAL - SURGERY An unscrupulous surgeon was queried About how his case outcomes had varied. He said, "When it works, I charge them their shirts, But the serious problems are buried." 41078 MEDICAL - SURGERY Nick D Kim The bachelor girl who gets plastered, And fears she'll be screwed by some bastard, Should get her physician, To make an incision, And be doctored before she is mastered. 41079 MEDICAL - SURGERY A baby was born to Miss Gellicutt, Delivered by means of a belly cut. After sewing the patch, The doc tickled her snatch. She awoke and exclaimed, "You're indelicate." 41080 MEDICAL - SURGERY Albin Chaplin 3024 G2693 My Doc is a really good egg. I'd buy him a beer or a keg. He incised my nose, But I must disclose That he charged me an arm and a leg. 41081 MEDICAL - SURGERY Jim Weaver Collection There was a short-kilted North Briton Who promiscuouisly sat on a kitten. But the kitten had claws-- The immediate cause Of that North Briton's abrupt circumcision. 41082 MEDICAL - SURGERY G2714 I think I am going to be sick; There's a wart on the end of my stick. As to how it got there, I really don't care, But the medic said, "Cut if off, quick!" 41083 MEDICAL - SURGERY Mike O'Conner A surgeon with excellent vision Was proud of his working precision. His stitches and scars He displayed in glass jars, Or framed them (with patients permission). 41084 MEDICAL - SURGERY P8302 A neurotic young playboy named Gleason Liked boys for no tangible reason. A frontal lobotomy Cured him of sodomy, But ruined his plans for the season. 41085 MEDICAL - SURGERY Hard of hearing was Dr. Lambier. While operating on a brain that was queer, He misheard lobotomy, Thought he heard sodomy, And fucked the guy in the left ear. 41086 MEDICAL - SURGERY John Chastaine Confessed that great surgeon, George Pitt, "I hate to carve into a tit, And as for a rectum, It's worse to disect 'em; They're apt to be full of dead shit." 41087 MEDICAL - SURGERY Armand E Singer 880 "Ugly people," a surgeon reflected, "Would never feel sad or dejected If they only knew That like others, they too Would make handsome cadavers dissected." 41088 MEDICAL - SURGERY A. N. Wilkins P8503 When boys are quite young, circumcise them. I know you think that terrifies them. It may make them small, But there is a cure-all; A doctor I know magnifies them. 41089 MEDICAL - SURGERY Al Willis A man who could not bend to his toes, Told a surgeon the cause of his woes. After a surgical binge And a two-jointed hinge, Now forward and backward he goes. 41090 MEDICAL - SURGERY Edwin J Weinstein I'm going away. I'll be back. My doctor is on the attack. She's ripping out bits; Recovery's the pits. Excuse me -- I gotta go pack. 41091 MEDICAL - SURGERY Marlene Lewis There was a young fellow named Ted, Who had a radio put in his head. Long wave or short, He did it for sport, And to improve his reception in bed. 41092 MEDICAL - SURGERY Katie Zeta-Jones, some surmise, Has had some dumb surgeon excise From her bags of money, And though it seems funny, The bags she had under her eyes. 41093 MEDICAL - SURGERY Tiddy Ogg No doubt is was all for the best, And hopefully she was impressed. Let's hope her next move, Is not to remove Those bags that she has on her chest. 41094 MEDICAL - SURGERY Tiddy Ogg He regrets the entire episode; He lanced the poor man's sinus node. "Boy what a goof! And now the reproof: The fellow is now pigeon-toed." 41095 MEDICAL - SURGERY Jim Weaver Collection On two crazy zoo hippopotami They did a prefrontal lobotomy; Both creatures complained "Oh my, I'm debrained; The vets have removed a whole lot o' me." 41096 MEDICAL - SURGERY Armand E Singer 737 It is such a strange dichotomy, That there is just such a lot of me. I must confess That I should weigh less, 'Cause I lost weight with a lobotomy! 41097 MEDICAL - SURGERY Waukesha Don T9801 A very young surgeon named Hare, Told Time what he'd done on a dare. "I gave a lobotomy To twin hippopotami, Now one of them's running for mayor. 41098 MEDICAL - SURGERY "Doctor Upjohn, the risk is immense." "Don't panic; just use common sense. I will start the incision, But without supervision. You get on the phone and call Spence." (Spence Gardner, hot shot lawyer, 1980's & '90's) 41099 MEDICAL - SURGERY Al Willis Jan's appendix came out in a session That left a real lasting impression. Now she tells us with pride, She makes more on the side, Than her regular day-time profession. 41100 MEDICAL - SURGERY John Miller There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor "Gol-dern ya, Now don't make a botch Of this job on my crotch. And don't cut things that do not concern ya!" 41101 MEDICAL - SURGERY "Be precise from the very first slice," Said a surgeon when asked for advice. "To the patient below, It's no comfort to know That you won't make the same mistake twice." 41102 MEDICAL - SURGERY Laurence Perrine P8503 A surgeon called Jeremy Fife Cut off the leg of his wife. He didn't repent. What an arrogant gent -- Said, "She's lucky to have her life!" 41103 MEDICAL - SURGERY Jim Weaver Collection To the intern said Chief Surgeon Lear, "The patient is paramount here! And not merely, Mitch, The raw stuff of which A young surgeon can carve his career!" 41104 MEDICAL - SURGERY P8305 An effete little fellow named Hunt Said, "I hate being such a weird runt." At his best buddy's urgin' He went to a surgeon, And asked, "Can't you guess what I wunt?" 41105 MEDICAL - SURGERY G2025 An amazing profession's Eliza's: She helps people who want to change sizes. She's had as her clients Both pigmies and giants; They're so grateful, they give her top prizes. 41106 MEDICAL - SURGERY Robin K. Willoughby P8503 They say wanking can hinder your vision; All it takes is a simple incision. If the surgery's smooth When you have a rib removed, Your own sexual juxtaposition. 41107 MEDICAL - SURGERY A teacher whose named was Miss Nolan Excised a kids semi-colon. The kid was quite pained And then he explained, "And once she removed my colon." 41108 MEDICAL - SURGERY Al Willis P9507 My pecker is too large, by far; It causes my girlfriend to scar. My surgeon said, "Frank, We can shorten your shank; The procedure is safe, yet bizarre!" 41109 MEDICAL - SURGERY Mark Levy P9704 The Doc said, "This whatchamacallit Is easy to cut; just eyeball it." "This incision is large. How much should I charge?" "Just tell me the size of his wallet." 41110 MEDICAL - SURGERY Al Willis P9704 As a HARBINGER, one could foresee That some pain, there surely would be. The post operative site Would sting, hurt or bite! And so would the dear surgeon's fee! 41111 MEDICAL - SURGERY Maggie My surgeon had once been a Sir-gent. He liked sturgeon served up with detergent. A regular cut-up Who never would shut up, His motto was "Surgury urgent!" 41112 MEDICAL - SURGERY Laurence Perrine P8503 A surgeon, while sewing a suture, In a kidney without any future, Was composing a verse To a registered nurse, To buttress his effort to smooch her. 41113 MEDICAL - SURGERY P8305 There once was a nearsighted gynie Whose glasses were sparkly and shiny. But they stayed in the drawer While he worked on a whore, And tied up the tubes of her heiney. 41114 MEDICAL - SURGERY Jim Weaver Collection The convalaescent Miss Lee Had a neat apendectomy, With curious stitching, Engaging, bewitching; She displayed at the Tate Gallery. 41115 MEDICAL - SURGERY VOL 6 There once was a surgeon of note Who liked to read what he wrote. He thought he'd gain fame If he signed his full name Into each little scar for a quote. 41116 MEDICAL - SURGERY Edwin J Weinstein There once was a patient irate, Who ordered his Doc to castrate. "I regret my decision; I meant circumcision!" Alas, 'twas too little, too late! 41117 MEDICAL - SURGERY Steve Zink I must have been plagued with a curse, My headaches could not have been worse. Had many test ran, Including CAT scan, On Sunday, got word from the nurse. 41118 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Jumping Jack "We've got some bad news to report. Brain surgury's your only resort. Should be done right away, But expect short delay; On Mondays, Doc's always in court!" 41119 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Jumping Jack There once was a surgeon whose sight Was a little bit less than all right. When his patient awoke, It wasn't a joke For his ass was sewed up a mite tight. 41120 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Edwin J Weinstein There was a young man named Ender Who wanted to change from his gender. When he inquired of me, I told him that he Should stick both his balls in a blender! 41121 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Oblivion Plastic surgeon Smith freely admits, His treatment of Bill was the pits. Bill wanted fast purgin', But the dimwitted surgeon Instead gave him silicone tits. 41122 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Arnie Schoenbrun P0305 When the bridge-builder blunders, he shakes; There is no way to hide what he makes. From the wreckage is seen -- But the surgeon is clean -- If he blunders, he buries mistakes. 41123 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Albin Chaplin 3024-2790 There once was a surgeon I knew Who practiced calligraphy too. In each new incision He'd cut with precision, His own little cute curlicue. 41124 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Edwin J Weinstein I committed a small peccadillo During surgery, Mr. Murillo... But both balls we've saved! They're still nicely shaved; You'll find them right there, 'neath your pillow. 41125 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Tutta Gioia "My genitals! GONE!" Consternation. Poor Tommy cried tears of frustration. The surgeon tight-lipped Said, "Damn chisel, it slipped. I'm afraid I lost all concentration." 41126 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins "A CHISEL!?" "Well that; and a saw. And a bread-knife (I'm not really sure)." "You used WHAT!! And a chisel?" "Look Tommy, don't grizzle; Now is your appendix still sore?" 41127 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins The Doc gave the guy a cystoscopy; Said he would need a iliostomy. The Doc was a boob; He cut the wrong tube. The guy ended with a colostomy. 41128 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins It was done to a patient, post-bellum; Doc severed the man's cerebellum. "But, when he awakes, With fierce headaches, Do you think anyone ought to tell him?" 41129 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Al Willis There was a nice man from New Yawk, Whose tongue was the shape of a fawk. A doctor named Young Remodeled his tongue To put the 'R's back, when he'd tawk. 41130 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Edwin J Weinstein This man still couldn't say "ah" 'Cause his tongue was now in a jah. He was decidedly worse 'Cause he made the wrong cherce, When his surgury turned out bizzah. 41131 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Edwin J Weinstein He went back to Doctor Van Kamp, Because he complained of a cramp. Doc said, "It's mandate; We must operate." And he found his old surgical clamp! 41132 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Al Willis T9712 You may scoff but it's something I fear. If not now, the time soon will be here. I for one won't rejoice, Being given no choice, When they graft a cell phone to my ear. 41133 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Loren Fitzhugh P0107 After "resting" (alas and alack), The incompetent surgeon is back, Wielding chisel and saw In the theater once more, And he's waiting for bodies to hack. 41134 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT And first is young Thomas whose dick Is priapic. The surgeon is quick With his pen-knife to chop it But nursey says, "Stop it; My pussy will sure do the trick." 41135 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT He's well back on form now. The surgeon, With needle and thread, needs no urgin' To take up the slack In Veronica's crack. (She's a nun and must prove she's a virgin.) 41136 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT He opens her thighs very wide And succumbs to temptations to ride Her, then sews up her lips And with staples he clips 'Em but leaves his hard dongle inside. 41137 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT "Oh bugger!" he says with a shout As he tries (but in vain) to pull out. Now it seems that he's stuck In a permanent fuck; He'll be sued for a fortune, no doubt. 41138 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT But Sister Veronica didn't Sue the surgeon; her eyes had a glint. "I'm so grateful", she said, As he took out the thread And unstapled that horny young bint. 41139 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT An ambisinister surgeon, Whose work brought a deluge of dirgin', When finally sued, No license renewed; Retired at colleagues' great urgin'. 41140 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Chris Papa There was a young Doc called Lamotta Whom I would describe as a rotta. With scalpel, the dummy, He aimed at the tummy, And sliced the medulla oblongata. 41141 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Al Willis There's a bosomy dame of good name Who, when robbed by a surgeon of fame, Looked down in dismay And was tempted to say, "I'm sure I had two when I came." 41142 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Sara Alsop P8305 Released from yon prison, alack, The Incompetent Surgeon is back. Watch your guts if you're ill, And your tits if you're Jill, Or your bollocks and dick if you're Jack. 41143 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Too late for young Debbie, I fear; She's had haemorrhoids most of the year. In attempting to freeze Them, he gave them a squeeze And like ferrets, they shot up her rear. 41144 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT "Oh do stop that screaming", he said, As her buttocks he parted and spread. "Let me claw them back down", He exclaimed with a frown, "And I'll tie them in bunches, instead." 41145 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Too late for unfortunate Hugh; Appendectomy well overdue; For the surgeon's unsure Where he ought to explore, Or indeed if he's looking for two. 41146 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Poor Hugh's in the theatre now And the surgeon is mopping his brow. For his scalpel is blunt And there's blood on the front Of his gown from Hugh's tonsils I vow. 41147 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT The doctor that elderly Jack saw Said. "Jack, no surprise that your back's sore; It seems that your op see, A major biopsy, Was done by a surgeon with hacksaw." 41148 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT "A what!? A biopsy!?" said Jack; "All I said was I'm losing the knack Now I'm ninety, of screwing My wife without doing A mischief, at times, to my back." 41149 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT A surgeon from Glascow called Mac, Once forgot to put everything back. As his train made to start, His case came apart, And a big kidney rolled down the track. 41150 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Michael Palin A surgeon was in quite a bind, His scalpel -- he must have been blind! To the patient he said "It Will come out when you shit. Please return -- washed if you don't mind. 41151 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Mike Dale Instead of vasectomy, Hugh Was castrated. The doctor was new And said, "Sorry m'lad That you seem to be mad; Does it make a vas deferens to you?" 41152 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins That litigious young man with a hernia Told his surgeon, "You've made a botch, dernia! Since you've fouled up in style, I'm proceeding to file A malpractice suit simply to learn ya." 41153 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT A. N. Wilkins P8507 "Have you sensed any strange titillation," Asked the doctor, "a tingling sensation? Our staff surgeon is quizzing -- His new pager is missing Since your recent gall stone operation." 41154 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT William N. Nesbit P9610 It isn't a wise exclamation To say in all things moderation. For if this is true, You've still something to do, On the topic of Leg Amputation. 41155 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT The doc fixed the cunt of whore Horner, But clients proceeded to scorn her, For his skilled repairs Were now hid behind hairs, And the entrance was just 'round the corner. 41156 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Albin Chaplin Her plastic nose surgeon was slime, But she did not know at the time. She kind of suspected Once he had injected His plastic nose up her behind. 41157 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Jon Gearhart A funny old man named Poo T. Announced to all he had the key -- "An active sex life Is cured with a knife." That's not the solution for me! 41158 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT A surgeon called Dr. McDuff Used to operate quite off the cuff... Having just learned the male, When he opened up Gail, Cried, "My God! What is all this stuff?" 41159 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT TuttaGioia There was a young athlete, Big Dell, Whose tool was too large for his belle. While the surgeon was clipping, The knife started slipping, Now he's called by his friends, Little Nell. 41160 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT An unlucky old patient named Koch Needed major repairs on his crotch; Now the interns all flipped When the surgeon's knife slipped; A penisectomy is painful to watch. 41161 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Armand E Singer 322 The vicar's wife, down at the rectory, Had a do-it-yourself tonsillectomy, A swallow she made Of an old razor blade, And the bonus, a neat hysterectomy. 41162 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT But those weren't the only incisions, That night, with her man in position, That blade did emerge, In an orgasmic surge, And gave him a quick circumcision. 41163 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT The incompetent surgeon is back; In the sluice-room he's having a whack. (When finished, I hope He remembers the soap And removes his disgusting old Mac.) 41164 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins His next operation is due In less than a minute or two. Already prepared Is young Debbie, de-haired, With incision marks pencilled in blue. 41165 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins The nurse is still searching the floor For scalpels, blunt needles and more. They slipped t'other day From the instrument tray, After surgury finished at four. 41166 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins The anaesthetist looks at his watch And sighs as he fondles his crotch. Then scratching his ass, Takes a sniff of the gas, And a swig from a bottle of scotch. 41167 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins All's ready; we wait to begin. The surgeon comes staggering in. He looks for a vein; Then he picks up his chain- Saw and switches it on with a grin. 41168 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins He shouts at the nurse to stand back; With a yell, he begins his attack. At terrible fate For poor Debbie, but wait... He hacked off his own tackle slack. 41169 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins There once was a girl quite annoyed, By a tremendous, festering 'roid. She lay on her tummy While they whittled her bummy, Now her sphincter is totally destroyed. 41170 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Hambone The late Johnny Smith left this globe With a damaged parietal lobe. I'll give you a clue: His doctor, who's new, Used a scalpel instead of a probe. 41171 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Al Willis P9806 Old Doctor Trepanning the brain Surgeon's losing his marbles again; For whenever work's dull, He chops bits off his skull, And declares himself perfectly sane. 41172 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT A doctor ingested uranium, Then surgically opened a cranium. His bowels got churny, Spewed crap on the gurney, The patient has shit for a brain-ium. 41173 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT There once was a surgeon of note Who liked to read what he wrote. He thought he'd gain fame If he signed his full name Into each little scar for a quote. 41174 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Edwin J Weinstein "What the hell have you done to your bits?" "I've had silicone implants, dear Fritz; Well, you wanted me bigger", She said with a snigger. "Not there; what I meant were your tits." 41175 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT "I'll make the incision right here", Said the surgeon, "Now concentrate, dear. See? It's simple as ... Shit! Now I've sliced off her tit; And I have no insurance, I fear!" 41176 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins A wrinkled old gal from Ft. Lee, Unwilling to pay an M.D. Tried a home-made face-lift But the lift took a shift And her pubis is now a goatee. 41177 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Bob Giandomenico P9107 The thought's bringing tears to my eyes And I'd grimace with pain. I surmise If the doc made suggestions, I'd answer his questions With mezzo-soprano replies. 41178 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins Most surgeons agree it is so, Their masks are not really for show. If there is a mistake, They'll all get a break; Who cut the wrong thing? We won't know! 41179 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Jeralah An English urologist Krumm Let the nail grow too long on his thumb. Under threat of perjury, I swear he does surgery With the thrust of his thumb up your bum. 41180 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Tom Patton I seem to be missing some gear; My hammer and chisel are here, But where are my trusty Old pliers and rusty Old carving-knife? Vanished I fear. 41181 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT I'll find 'em, but meanwhile just wait. Get ready; I'll make a new date; But say, what would please ya More - no anaesthesia? Or battered unconscious, old mate? 41182 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Jon Gearhart The naughty young nurse is now here, To assist in your surgery dear. I'll give Doc a hand, Repairing to your gland, But first can I please have a beer? 41183 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT "Now this," said the surgeon, "Is gut; And there's hundreds of yards of it; but It's so slippery...Shit! Where the hell does it fit? I'll just shove the damn stuff up his butt!" 41184 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins I went to the doctor, said "Please, Such pain, won't you help me find ease?" But the old CHARLATAN Said "We'll have to trepan -- There's no other way to appease." 41185 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Eva Amata He took out a Colt .45; I flipped into angst overdrive And said to that quack: You put that thing back -- I'd rather be sore and alive!" 41186 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Eva Amata A surgeon with careful precision Took aim and then made his incision. He passed out when he saw All the blood and the gore; Now he's treated with utmost derision. 41187 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins "So he wants a vasectomy? Fool!", Said the surgeon, "Just lift up his tool And I'll show you some tricks With a couple of bricks That I learned in veterinary school!" (shades of the camel to drink - McW) 41188 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Peter Wilkins There was a young harlot of Clyde, Whose doctor cut open her hide. He misplaced his stitches And closed the wrong niches; She now does her work on the side. 41189 MEDICAL - SURGERY - INEPT Anon G1761 An old man who had his face lifted, Was vain and told them he was gifted. But everyone who saw The pubic hair on his jaw, Knew how much the skin had been shifted. 41190 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC This poor fellow just couldn't win; The stench of his breath was a sin. And as the face rose, That long runny nose Gave way to an odd double chin. 41191 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC An old woman, well-known for her pluck, Had a face-lift, prosthesis, and tuck. When the bill was presented She said, "I'm demented! The lengths which I'll go for a fuck!" 41192 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Her beauty was fading away. Doc said, "One more facelift? No way! Apply this face cream. But don't even dream It's a cure - just Oil of Okay." 41193 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Insistent she was though, I heared, For a facelift, and just as he feared, Once they pulled the skin tight She sure looked a sight... She's sporting a fuzzy black beard. 41194 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Two inept plastic surgeons, both shits, Were, at breast augmentation, the pits. Their work on false knockers, Inflamed irate mockers; They clearly made patients take fits. 41195 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Bob Giandomenico P0305 When skin gets all wrinkled and slack, And gravity weighs down the rack, A pull, nip, and a tuck, Some cellulite suck; What time takes, a surgeon gives back. 41196 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Said the surgeon, "I drink, Mrs. Buck, So we're both of us really in luck. Since your sexual cavern Is as big as a tavern, What I plan is to nip...and then tuck." 41197 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC "Your impotent husband, you see, Needs implants," advised Dr. Bee; "They'll allow an erection, They will stop his dejection, And warrant my outrageous fee." 41198 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Armand E Singer 833 When Jill's features give her some woes, To the plastic surgeon, she goes. If you want the same, Then Ogg is the name. Come on girls, and pick your own nose. 41199 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Tiddy There once was a maid with a pimple; To have it removed was quite simple. 'Twas cut out with a knife; For the rest of her life, In its place she was left with a dimple. 41200 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Edwin J Weinstein An unfortunate lady named Piles, Had the ugliest bottom for miles. But her surgeon took pity And made it quite pretty, All dimples, and poutings, and smiles. 41201 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC G0421 There once was a lady called Rose Who was ashamed of the shape of her nose. So she had it arranged To have the shape changed; Only now it honks when she blows. 41202 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Edwin J Weinstein A surgeon who hailed from Cape Horn, Had rebuilt a cock that was worn. But his climaxing feat Was replacing the meat, Of a snatch that was tattered and torn. 41203 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Albin Chaplin 3024-1763 An attempt to restore your virginity Would test the great minds of surgeonity. The best we could do Is a small stitch or two, And shave off your patch of furrinity. 41204 MEDICAL - SURGERY - PLASTIC Jim Weaver Collection For a wrinkled old biddy named Marts Doctors grafted smooth skin from rear parts; Her face now looks great, Still, don't celebrate: From her mouth come no burps, but vile farts. 41205 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Armand E Singer For a wrinkled old biddy named Cass, Doctors grafted smooth skin off her ass. We now see a drouth Of burps from her mouth, But she simply can't stop passing gas. 41206 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Armand E Singer There was an old farmer named Dow, Who said, "I feel wonderful now. They've transplanted the tongue, And a piece of the lung, And the liver which came from mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy cow." 41207 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Bob Casey, a governor quite smart, Played an important political part. He reversed on an issue, Post transplant of some tissue, And acknowledged he had had change of heart. 41208 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Thomas G. Heller P9504 The transplant had finally started; The incision was carefully charted. The dog was just sliced, And the chicken was spliced, And the dog is not quite chicken-hearted. 41209 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Al Willis The transplant has finally started; The incision was carefully charted. The will has been writ. The doc's a misfit. Now pray for the dearly departed. 41210 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Al Willis P9801 My doctor said, "You better drop In at our body shop And select a used heart From our state of the art Transplants, in case yours should stop." 41211 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Dorman John Grace P9503 The renowned Polish surgeon, Jan Cess, (Though you'd never believe it, I guess) Won his first Nobel prize, Purest gold, largest size, For his hemorrhoid transplant success. 41212 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Armand E Singer 6 How could you let someone nob it? Or permit some old doctor to rob it? I guess planned ones are better Than a surprise go-getter, Like what Lorena did to old Bobbitt. 41213 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Res Ipsa Could this be merely a fable? That the surgeons had you on their table? Are you both penile and clittic? Are you hermaphroditic? To fuck yourself, are you now able? 41214 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Peter W Which gender, a boy or a girl, Is most likely to make your toes curl. When you come, do you mess Up the front of your dress? Can you give your new nipples a twirl? 41215 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Peter W That tune you can play on your crack, Is it 'Air on a G-string' dear Jack? Did your minge have the mange After gender exchange? Is you innermost body-part slack? 41216 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Peter W Do you really want 42D's? Do they blacken your eyes when you sneeze? Do your nipples get firm When you play with your worm? Do your flaps flap around in the breeze? 41217 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Peter W Do your pantyhose gussets get wet With excitement whenever you pet? Do you squat when you piss? Can you answer me this -- Is your sex-change a cause for regret? 41218 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Peter W If you'd kept all your tackle intact And just added a crack, it's a fact, You would have an excuse To enjoy self abuse, With the parts that the other half lacked. 41219 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Peter W Now to give yourself self-saatisfaction, You must take immediate action. Go stitch back your dick And your nuts pretty quick, And start screwing yourself to distraction. 41220 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Peter Wilkins As a man, I was having no luck; Twice a year I'd go pay for a fuck. Now with 42D's, I can fuck when I please, And no longer feel like some poor schmuck. 41221 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Jack With my old kit, I'd really get flustered. It was wee. It could not cut the mustard. Not your big fellow. A coward. Quite yellow. In it I was fucking dis-custard. 41222 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Jack To be petted I've yet to enjoy, With either a girl or a boy. So I whistle at sailors And nurses and tailors. Do you think I am being too coy. 41223 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Jack No regrets do I have of new gender, 'Cept toilets, when out on a bender. I find when I sit That I'll often shit, Which is making my anus quite tender. 41224 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Jack A man with a very long foreskin Said, "Doc, I'll be needing some more skin..." So they did a quick graft On the hood of his shaft; Now he's in the Book of Folklore Skins. 41225 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Tutta Not the least 'cause the skin was donated By a woman with lobes elongated. The size of her ears Drew pointing and sneers. She was punctual -- they were belated. 41226 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Ogni Gioia A cross-eyed doctor named Gene, Performed surgury as a routine. The transplant for Sydney Was for a new kidney, But he ended up with a new spleen. 41227 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Tom Patton P9704 A homosexual fellow named Preston, Had hair transplanted to his lower intestine. Though exceedingly fine In the buggery line, It severely impeded digestion. 41228 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS L0505 The great Glasgow surgeon McSidney, Was convinced if he transferred a kidney, From a whale to a conger, It would piss a lot longer. He could not have been wronger. It didna. 41229 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS There was a young doctor from Barts, An expert in replacing parts. With a kidney or liver, He is a life giver, But does nothing for folks' broken hearts. 41230 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Arthur Pattaffy All the nurses the man was haranguing, On the desk he was constantly banging. "I want my sex change! An organ exchange!" But the poor guy, they just left him hanging. 41231 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Jim Weaver Collection Of all the transplantings there are, Most famous of all by far - From Ireland, the town, Of Limerick, renowned, Transplanted to Berkeley, CA. (Moffet, CA.) 41232 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Irving Superior I once knew a girl named Lorraine S.; Her gut gave her many complaints, yes. Her doctor, a quack, Anaesthetized her with smack, And now the girl's mouth is her anus! 41233 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Kristen Coughlin T9711 I know you don't think this is true, But you know, this could happen to you. But the bright side of it, Though she vomits her shit, She works out her butt while she chews. 41234 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Kristen Coughlin T9711 They stitched a new gland into Mose, But some untoward symptoms arose. When he fingered a quiff, It made his ears stiff, And he always would come through his nose. 41235 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Mose's wife cried, "I'd not give two pins, For our chances to breed kiths or kins!" But Mose sank to his knees, And managed a sneeze, And now he's the father of twins. 41236 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS He admits his appearance is shoddy, His lawn is more seedy than soddy; But an organ or two Transplanted, won't do, Where's the list to sign up for a body? 41237 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Ann Gasser P9503 Since transplanting has proved to be viable, And my dong's been less plied that pliable, Why not graft, as a ringer, My trusty third finger, Which, these days, is far more reliable. 41238 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS G2225 A transplant that no one would dare -- A transplant from my pubic hair. Now girls come afar To 'oooh' and to 'aaah' And minature orgasms share. 41239 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Irving Superior P9503 A competent surgeon named Banting Was known for his raving and ranting; When paged by a bell, He let out a yell And said, "You damn fool, I'm transplanting!" 41240 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS P8305 The bride of a man of Lapeer, Removed her fake tits, teeth and gear. So he said with a frown, As her panties came down, When you get to the cunt, throw it here. 41241 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Albin Chaplin 3024-1803 Infected the rear end of Lum, So Doctors must amputate some. And then, sacrosanct, An anus transplant, The very first resurrectum. 41242 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Irving Superior P8305 Said an eager young surgeon from Souling, "So far, we have only been fooling. Soon it won't vex us, To change both the sexes, It's simply a case of retooling." 41243 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Playboy's Book Lim G0262 A young campanologist belle Rang the bells of St. Thomas so well, That St. Agnes said, "Why Don't you give us a try?" "Guess I could ring the changes", said Nell. 41244 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS As the young bearded lady looked strange, P.T. Barnum was quick to arrange To have her appear. If she showed up next year, She'd probably have a sex change. 41245 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS A. N. Wilkins P8711 The Nantucket man hired a surgeon, Who remodeled his ear; made it burgeon; But it all went for naught, For the drum was so taut, He remained an auricular virgin. 41246 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Ed Potts P8507 A cowardly harelip named Chip, With girls never had a friendship. So they took a skin graft From foreskin on his shaft, And now he keeps a stiff upper lip! 41247 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Laurence Craft Ah, Vienna, the fortress of Freud! Whose surgeons are always employed. Where boys with soft hands Are provided with glands, And two-fisted girls are de-boyed. 41248 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS G2543 A timid bricklayer named Walter Would always whistle and falter At women passing by, And the occasional guy Whose parts were surgically altered! 41249 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Marcus For a lady, a surgeon named Polk Switched her cunt and her mouth for a joke. It was not all amiss -- She was more fun to kiss, But she raised up her dress when she spoke. 41250 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Albin Chaplin 3024-2234 She married a fellow named Frick Whose mouth had been switched with his prick. There was no sixty nine But they got along fine, When they found ninety-six did the trick. 41251 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Albin Chaplin 3024-2235 A young man, whose name we won't mention, Had a transplant to lower his tension. At the beat of his heart, He'd let out a fart, And his penis would snap to attention. 41252 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Remember that lady from Ryde, Who came with a rocket inside, And shot into space With a smile on her face, And said, "Heavens! I think I have died."? 41253 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW Alas, it was only a dream That she had, but it really did seem That she'd felt in her minge Something more than a twinge. She said, "Time for another new scheme?" 41254 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW Said the doctor, "I'm sorry the stunt With the rocket didn't work. I'll be blunt; When the fireworks exploded, It further eroded You clitoris, G-spot, and cunt. 41255 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW He continued, "We need something drastic. We'll fashion a cunt out of plastic And stitch on a clit Which vibrates as you sit." She said, "Doctor, that's really fantastic!" 41256 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Peter Wilkins So he gave her a quick anaesthetic And found a vagina synthetic; Transplanted her clit And enlarged it a bit, Until it looked neat and aesthetic. 41257 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW And while he was tweaking her clit, He decided to check out the fit. So he tried her vagina But thought that a minor Adjustment was needed to it. 41258 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW He smoothed out the lumps and the glitches, And sewed in a few hundred stitches. Before he did that, He inserted some batt- eries linked to a number of switches. 41259 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW He charged up the batteries to last For a couple of months at full blast. Then he labelled the switches, But wondered "Now which is The "Stop" and the "Slow" and the "Fast". 41260 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW When she woke, he explained with a smirk How the batteries and switches should work. "I love you", she said, As she switched on the red One which caused her whole body to jerk. 41261 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW This story, dear reader, I've penned Just for fun. Will you finish the end? But I guess the bitch is Still pressing the switches, And guess what is missing, my friend! 41262 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS PeterW Poor Peter sounds definetly mad; The situation is now so sad. She doesn't need her Lonely old peter, With her batteries and switches. Egad! 41263 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS Arden The doctor said "No-one is finer, At this job, for I'm the best gynae- Cologist here, So you need have no fear, We'll give you a real good vagina." 41264 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE A balding young man named McNair, Patched his pate with the snatch of a bear. Said he, "A shampoo, Is as good as a screw, And I come when I'm combing my hair." 41265 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Well the sex-change was a great success, Though the clit's still a bit of a mess. When I see young girls It kinda uncurls, And flagpoles the front of my dress. 41266 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE There once was a guy (now Christine) Whose gender embarrassed his scene. But when surgury complex Cuntradicted his sex, One could see he's cut out for a queen. 41267 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE In these days of grafts and transplants, A guy really takes quite a chance. Are the charms of his toots The original goods, Or are they from one of his aunts? 41268 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE When they came to arrest Mr. Dodd On charges of lewdness and fraud, He had undergone surgery And committed no perjury When he said, "Mr. Dodd is a broad." 41269 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Jim Weaver Collection I once had a girl named Dolores, Who had a five inch pink clitoris. The sight of your life, 'Twas cut with a knife From a bearded transvestite named Boris. 41270 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Coolbreeze I feel like I was violated Each time that she humped and fellated. The surgeon who changed her And thus rearranged her As female, should be commendated. 41271 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE A pitiful case is young Rex With his bulgingly masculine pecs And biceps the size Of a weightlifter's thighs, For he's thinking of changing his sex. 41272 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Peter Wilkins A skilful young surgeon named Grogg, The pussy removed from a hog. In a whore 'twas installed, And the men said, enthralled, "This is better than fucking the dog." 41273 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Albin Chaplin 3024-1144 There was a young lady from Tuphet, Whose box was so huge none could stuff it. They transplanted the twidget, Of a rather small midget. Now she's known as Little Miss Muffet. 41274 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE A sex-mad young satyr named Toby, Set up shop in the town of Nairobi, Where, to worn out old tarts, He sold brand-new parts, Which he cleverly made of adobe. 41275 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE G0683 A great surgical genius named Taylor Grafted tits on the back of a sailor. If his ass had held out, There is hardly a doubt That the cash would have filled up a whaler. 41276 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE G1063 The new Miss America's a fraud; From Florida not Kansas, by God! She raged and she ranted Till her breasts were implanted; Could it be that her true name is Claude? 41277 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Tom Patton P9701 If asked, are there man-things you miss? One's standing upright for a piss, And shagging the asses Of poor country lasses, And watching them slurp down my jis..! 41278 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE There once was a man who's named Grady; Sexually a little bit shady. Fucked up in the head; With surgery instead, He's now not a man but a lady. 41279 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Troy Walla When Christine was George one fine autumn, A great many ladies had sought 'im. Where he was once on top, She has turned a full flop, And she now spends her time on the bottom. (Christine Jorgensen had sex change operation early '50's) 41280 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Albin Chaplin 3024-1932 The transplant most wanted by SHE - A penis placed vaginally. No more need for men. But one problem then - With which of them then will she pee? 41281 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Irving Superior P9503 There was a young fellow named Walter Who his sex he wanted to alter. Upon the completion Of the penile deletion, He could feel his manliness falter. 41282 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Popsicle TP9806 Inclined as you are to penisectomy, Here's some advice that was fed to me: It's not a cunt hawk -- It's a clit on a stalk, Said the transvestite as s/he gave head to me. 41283 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE H Whelchel "Doc, will I need some morphine?" Asked transexual Joe, soon Jolene. Said Doc, "We'll have quarts! The most painful part's When we sew in that salty sardine!" 41284 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Jim Weaver Collection A fanciful fellow named Milt Was completely redone and rebuilt. Said his girl, "Let's partake Just for good old times' sake." But he said, "Not how I'm now built." 41285 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Albin Chaplin 3024-2193 There once was a young man named Chris, Whom everyone thought was a priss. In sheer desperation -- Sex change operation, And he went from a mister to miss. 41286 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Chris Dunbar Why women live seven years more? Reward for the children they bore. Be that as it may, At eighty today, I'm having a sex change before.... 41287 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Irving Superior His folks wired back: "Dearest Daughter, We're shocked to be told of that slaughter. You've cut off your pole In exchcange for a hole? Now you'll have to sit down to pass water!" 41288 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Bluebird TP9806 There was a young person named Clarence, Who cabled from Sweden: "Dear Parents: Sex-change operation Creates new relation. As Clara, implore your forebearance." 41289 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE John Ciardi On the gender they really do want, There are those who are quite nonchalant. They seek amputations That transform their relations Now my father's my cousin's new aunt. 41290 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE The Sailor P0306 I'd like to possess just a slit, And perhaps with pills, some nice tits. Said the surgeon, "For cash, I do not think it rash To provide you with two one-inch clits." 41291 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE F Ormatsee A sex change removed both his stones. It was on advice of sawbones. And now they must build His breasts and he's thrilled. I hear what they use is whore moans! 41292 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - FEMALE Al Willis We all know the word "Apendectomy", As well as the term "Tonsilectomy". But we find it quite strange That in a sex change, Why it's not called, "Adadicktomy". 41293 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Lims For Year - 01 Said a colorless dyke, "There no kick to me. As a male I'd look less like a hick to me." So she made a date With a surgeon first rate To perform on her an addictomy. 41294 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Jane D.Hughes P9104 Diabolical surgeon, Doc Bunce, Transplanted ten peckers from runts To his hands, feet and nose, Then he stripped the Pope's clothes And broke Ten Commandments at once. 41295 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Al Chaplin P8908 Whilst staying just south of Milan, I began to dance a 'can-can'. Except that I can't 'Cause my recent implant Is still sore. (But at last I'm a man!) 41296 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Anon There was a young fellow from Beverly Who went in for fucking quite heavily. He fucked night and day Till his ballocks gave way, But the doctors replaced them quite cleverly. 41297 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Jim Weaver Collection A surgeon named Timothy Morgan, Was a whiz at transplanting an organ. For twenty-five grand, He'd install one goat gland, One prick, and two balls -- Quite a bargain! 41298 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE To the doc went a fellow named Schule For correcting the kink in his tool. Said the doctor, sedate, "I will make your prick straight -- I'll exchange it for mine, you damn fool." 41299 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Albin Chaplin 3024-0601 There was a sad hunter named Ware, Whose manhood was snapped off by a bear. Sobbed he, "That damned bruin, Caused my sexual ruin. Do you think I could glue on a pair?" 41300 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Grand Prix Lim 561 G2063 Have you heard of the big Texas Ranger Who boasted that no one would change her? "Let some surgical nit Make a cock of my clit? Fuck Off! or I'll shoot at you, Stranger!" 41301 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Here's Constable Julia Bird Looking utterly daft and absurd, In a tunic so brief That it beggars belief. Operation's on April the third. 41302 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE To the doc went a fellow named Jock For his neck was as stiff as a rock. The able physician Called in a magician, And he transferred the cramp to his cock. 41303 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Albin Chaplin 3024-0492 A wretched young man from La Porte, Was hung much too thin and too short, So he increased his shaft With a elephant graft, And now it won't fit where it ort. 41304 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Hugh Oliver A046C You may think my story is bunk, But I knew a horny young punk, Because of lost face, He had his replaced With a full grown elephant's trunk. 41305 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Possum TP9802 The guy with the elephant's putz, Just look at how far out it juts. But it wasn't all good; Occasionally it would Try hard to feed him his nuts. 41306 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Possum TP9802 I came home last night just to check her; When I saw it I wanted to deck her. Everything was fine Till she gave me this line, "Look down, you now have Frank's pecker!" 41307 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Jim Weaver Collection She went on to say, "Ain't that rich? I'd not wait for Halloween to switch. When a tinkle you're taking, It's Frank's shank you're shaking -- Take that, you big son of a bitch!" 41308 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Jim Weaver Collection A soldier who came from East Rockaway Had a mine blow his balls and his cock away. Kangaroo genitalia Grafted on in Australia Fixed him so he jumps broads a block away. 41309 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Bob Giandomenico P8901 A bisexual person of Trail Would prefer to be robustly male, And enjoy the sensation The right operation Could probably fully en-tail. 41310 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Keith MacMillan 98d A penurious Frenchman named Breep Had crocodile glands put in cheap. Now his smile is quite bright, For he spends every night Making love while he swims in the deep. 41311 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Arthur Deex P0309 A penurious Frenchman named Bratis Had nightingale glands put in gratis. Now his smile is quite bright, For he spends every night Making love while he's perched in a lattice. 41312 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Arthur Deex P0309 A penurious Frenchman named Bost Got polar bear glands at no cost. Now his smile is quite bright, For he spends every night Making love while he's covered with frost. 41313 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Arthur Deex P0309 An old man who lived by the Nile Had dysfunction that was erectile. They grafted a boner From an equine donor, Now all the girls give him a smile. 41314 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE There was an old man of Cajon, Who never could get a good bone. With the aid of a gland, It grew simply grand, Now his wife cannot leave it alone. 41315 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE L0277 When Smith caught his cock in some gears, They grafted on skin from his ears. And now the poor guy Can hear through his fly, And fucking just bores him to tears. 41316 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE G2016 On a heart transplant, patient Tom Mather, Worked himself into a lather. Said he, "The idea's good, But, God! If I could, Have a new prostate gland, I'd much rather." 41317 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE There was a young butcher named Spicer, Whose pecker got caught in the slicer. As it dropped from the root, He could only salute, And the whole thing could not be conciser. 41318 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Albin Chaplin 3024-1816 He met an old sailor named Pete Who knew how to splice a rope neat. So he cut off the cock Of a horse of fine stock, And he asked him to splice on three feet. 41319 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Albin Chaplin 3024-1817 When Spicer attempted to lay, He held it erect and did say, "Are you ready to test?" But was sadly depressed For his pecker dropped down and said, "Neigh." 41320 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Albin Chaplin 3024-1818 In a gene exchange mixup, young Neal When he woke, felt his crotch to reveal The prick of a horse, And it caused him remorse For the horse got the best of the deal. 41321 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Al Chaplin P9403 For a sex change operation I wait To provide better fucks for my mate. But when they cut and sew, Where do the pricks go...? There's a hotdog van parked by the gate. 41322 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE F. Ormatsee A young sapphic nun from St. Wister, With a wish to be switched to a mister, Underwent a sex change With results that were strange, For it turned her into a tran-sister. 41323 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Bob Giandomenico P9507 A shy plastic surgeon named Jack Transplanted himself a Big Mac. The girls were amazed At its size when it raised, Which was great (though it was colored black). (hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself - McW) 41324 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Martin Wellborn P9502 There was a young lady called Fran Who started her life as a man. She first got some tits, Then lost her bits. Now she does what she wants 'cause she can! 41325 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Countrygirl Whenever he plays with his sword, He conjures up pictures of Maud. If only he knew As he splatters his goo, That she's now a most definite Claude. 41326 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE An epicure dining at Crewe Grabbed that elephant whang and just flew To a surgeon (viz plastic) And requested a drastic Transplant of a mere foot or two. 41327 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Martin Wellborn P8507 His monkey-glands made poet Yeats, Most anxious with girls to have dates. His poetic measures, Gave very few pleasures, If one can accept estimates. 41328 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE The glands of a monkey may be Restorers of virility, But the operation Can cause consternation, If the patient swings up in tree. 41329 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Warrick Elrod A penurious Frenchman named Brie, Had monkey glands put in for free. Now his smile is quite bright, For he spends every night Making love while he swings from a tree. 41330 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Limericks For John P9802 My sweetie vacationed overseas; During her absence I was not pleased. With passion I burned And now she's returned; At last I can put my mind at ease. 41331 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE At her house I did intrude, On my girlfriend in the nude. It suddenly seemed Like a horrible dream; In my absence, she'd become a dude. 41332 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE In the place where my head used to rest On her soft and ample breast, I could only stare; It was covered with hair, On top of a brawny muscular chest. 41333 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Below her hairy love triangle, A new appendage now did dangle. It was easy to see She was bigger than me! From every view or any angle. 41334 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE I didn't quite know what to say I felt like I should run away We had to part It broke my heart But if I kissed her now then I'd be gay 41335 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE You shouldn't laugh or be rude, And to tell jokes so mean and crude. You know its true; It could happen to you; Your baby could become a dude. 41336 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE A disqualified wrestler with gall, As a woman had fooled one and all. Said she, with a scream, "I'd have made the men's team, If they'd only transplanted one ball." 41337 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE A surgical nurse in Darjeeling, Transplanted a prick to the ceiling. When she wanted to ball, It was no good at all, But the dangle, she felt, was appealing. 41338 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE There was a Young Lady whose nose Was so long that it reached to her toes; But a wiley old surgeon Without any urgin' Transplanted that nose to HIS hose. 41339 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Edwardian Leer 061 An unlucky lover named Gant Received a bad organ transplant: Though he'd love to indulge, His penis won't bulge -- He frequently came; now he can't! 41340 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Armand E Singer 611 A young plastic surgeon named Tony Was hung like a great big bologna. The girls called him horse. You guessed it, of course. It used to belong to his pony. 41341 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE P8305 If a man had his choice of transplants, His sex life he'd want to enhance. (To help him succeed, A donor he'll need) And occupy more of his pants. 41342 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Irving Superior P9503 For a lad, an old surgeon named Patch Reconstructed a pecker from scratch. When he felt through his pocket, It would blow like a rocket, But it failed to go off in a snatch. 41343 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Albin Chaplin 3024-1889 Uncle Henry's requested transplant, Was larger than his, which was scant. But he got a rejection Instead of erection, So now Uncle Henry's an aunt. 41344 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Pierce Evans A horny young stud, name of Bower, Had his gadget fall off in the shower. The replacement was thin. Said his Doc, "What a sin. But some day perhaps it will flower." 41345 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE Giandomeni & Christ P8908 Has your pleasure in bed become flat? Are you over the hill and all that? Make your sex life less bland With a young male goat's gland. Consult Dr. Brinkley in Pratt. 41346 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE A. N. Wilkins P8703 For the poop in the sex-changing field, See the Blessed St. Lizzie Bathilde. By assiduous skipping She altered her flipping; Vagina now pecker doth wield. 41347 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE G2330 Henrietta was pevish and glum. Women's Lib said, "You're under man's thumb." So they doctored her widdley And made her a tiddley-- Now she's Henry, and at her, by gum! 41348 MEDICAL - TRANSPLANTS - MALE G0345 There once was a stand-up comedian Cracking impotence-jokes encyclopedian. With Viagra the rage, Both on and off stage, His standings now stand above median. 41349 MEDICAL - VIAGRA John Miller It's often been said love is blind, A phrase that is sometimes unkind. Is Viagra for you Causing visions of blue? Or it's a problem that you do not mind? 41350 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Arden When it comes to Viagra use, all's Not perfect, but this problem galls. Of all of the hues, I prefer most the blues, Except when it comes to my balls. (blue balls - slang for chanchroid) 41351 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Irish Seeing blue is a minor setback For allowing to stuff in her crack, A cock that's now hard; Earns you her regard; Now just worry about a cardiac. 41352 MEDICAL - VIAGRA S C Saint "Fair maiden, thou needest not sulk! No longer am I thine limp skulk, Who leaves them forsaken. Oh nay! I've now taken Viagra in quantities bulk!" 41353 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Travis Brasell "Oh William! I prithee desist! Before I become sorely pissed. You've screwed all in sight From morning till night, And now you are spraining your wrist." 41354 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Ericka I'm now becoming addicted To hearing the things that your dick did; (That problem with height And nervous stage fright), And how, with Viagra, you licked it. 41355 MEDICAL - VIAGRA That old Dickens guy, Bob Cratchit, Had a big dick, none could match it. Just a Viagra or two Dissolved in his stew, Hardened it so a cat could not scratch it. 41356 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Sam Pittman TP9806 The comedians have a new trick, To not get booed off stage too quick. To insure they'll standup, They sip from a cup Of Viagra, to buck up their schtick. 41357 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Frank Fazed From Bristol, now in Hinton Admiral, Young Joan shoots porn films with her cameral; And when the male leads Get droopy, she feeds Them elephant formula Viagaral. 41358 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Double-headers, I've heard about those; They seek to maintain Love's sweet throes. Viagra can aid, Though mostly it's made To help fellows with a limp hose. 41359 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Chris Papa Blessed are the impotent today; A pill will get them a good lay. Four hours or more, I go a minute of four; And that's counting three minutes of foreplay. 41360 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Darren It was heard when we were in Niagara, As I slowly sipped on a lager, a Wail, up a beat From the honeymoon suite: "I've forgotten to bring my Viagra!" 41361 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Pilar An old impotent cowboy named Morse Took Viagra to help him, perforce. Though his prick stood upright, There were no girls in sight, So he ended up fucking his horse. 41362 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Al Chaplin P9902 I once knew an impotent shark (retired attorney) Who wailed like a cat in the dark. (opera singer) Since he took a small pill, (Viagra fan) He's back over the hill -- (23 years) His bites become worse that his bark! (fucked me silly) 41363 MEDICAL - VIAGRA H Whelchel Viagra, the little blue pill, If you ain't got much ink in your quill! Works like an unction On penile dysfunction - Put simply, gets Jack up his Jill! 41364 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Viagra's the new wonder drug; I look at the hype and I shrug. Pray I won't see the day For Viagra I'll pay. I enjoy getting burns from the rug! 41365 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Dave Viagra's in the headlines anew; Seems poor people are wanting it too. The taxpayers will Now be footing the bill, So we all get a government screw! 41366 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Puff Adder Propecia to make the hair grow; Viagra for willie, you know. The hair makes me cuter, But weakens my shooter. I'd rather perform than just show. 41367 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Burrito Man Rogaine made a similar boast, Growing hair on your pate, coast to coast. Rub it into your head All your life, until dead. On my palm is where hair grew the most. 41368 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Burrito Man My God! I've been using both balms And forked out my dough without qualms For Viagra too -- Now what shall I do, Sprouting peckers from both of my palms. 41369 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Viagra has restored the pleasure To the sex that my wife and I treasure. I fucked her and then She was most happy when I fucked her once more for good measure. 41370 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Wiley Responding to suggestions subliminal, I committed a crime that was minimal. Shoplifting Viagra, arrested; Evidence ingested. I was booked as a hardened criminal. 41371 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Puff Adder A Viagraphile named Lyle, Called the seismology lab with a smile. He said, "Tell the staff To watch the seismograph, They're gonna see "10" in a while! 41372 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Lee Malone TP9806 With a bit of Viagra, I'm sure, We could have a good time. Yes, all four. So hurry my pets, Before the sun sets And you find me collapsed on the floor. 41373 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Fred Poor folks -- we've got more than enough; Now please don't think me too gruff. I'd just rather see; More people like me, Who look naturally good in the buff. 41374 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Darren If your lover needs pills (start with "V") Come, without any doubts, to me. I do not need blue pills To give you some thrills; Just drop in for a visit. You'll see. 41375 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Nik Synytskyy You medical gentlemen who Adopt all developments new, For patients with bucks, Impatient for fucks, Prescribing Viagra will do. 41376 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Nick It really is not what you think; Viagra I put in my drink. It hardens the rod, Amid cries of "OH GOD", Then it writes in indelible ink... 41377 MEDICAL - VIAGRA We're certainly NOT indivisible, In fact just the thought is quite risible. The gals wink and nod At that faulty rod... Your ink and your pen are invisible. 41378 MEDICAL - VIAGRA A bone weary fellow named Cooper, His penis was always a drooper; Viagara he chose, His boner arose; He screwed himself into a stupor. 41379 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Cap'n Bean P0106 Viagra, the little blue pill Cannot replace sexual skill. True, a hard-on's required, But more is desired To achieve the right level of thrill! 41380 MEDICAL - VIAGRA I woke from my nap - had to pee, Then doubled my vitamin E. I'll be there tonight When the time is right; The Viagra I have is for "P". 41381 MEDICAL - VIAGRA I'm rude, and I'm crude, and I'm horny; When my humour ain't sick, then it's corny. Of features redeeming, I haven't a gleaming, And Viagra just gives me a thorny. 41382 MEDICAL - VIAGRA A shamefaced old hippie was quoted That although his merkin's as bloated As ever it was, The strength of its fuzz Is enhanced, for it's Viagrally coated. 41383 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Norm Storer and Dr Deex A Mormon who moved west to Reno, Lost his fortune at poker and Keno. He ran out of luck And lost his last buck, While drinking some doctored up Vino. 41384 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Jack Atherton TP9806 So he married a 21 dealer, Who was also a very fine peeler. They moved to Niagara, And peddled Viagra To Veterans and surviving New Dealers. 41385 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Jack Atherton TP9806 They found profitable profession, Giving old farts penile erections. And the company, Pfizer, Was never the wiser, Despite all the phony prescriptions. 41386 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Jack Atherton TP9806 It's hotter than volcanic magma; The orders are flowing like Niagara. The pharmacists can't fill The demand for the pill; You know the one they call Viagra. 41387 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Puff Adder The drugs that we use when we're ailin', Go by different names for retailin'. Tylenol's acetamenophen. Advil's Ibuprofen. And Viagra is Mycoxafailin. 41388 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Viagra gives a four-hour hard-on, And me I could use a head start on; But us poor slobs; With the normal knobs, Must make do with our natural part on. 41389 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Darren Viagra, the little blue pill Is for those who can't take their fill. The Australian way's Screw a new one each day, Then it'll always stand up for the thrill! (also called the Coolidge effect - McW) 41390 MEDICAL - VIAGRA What the hell is this new penis patch? Will it help me delight Sweet Thing's snatch? If I polish my wood, Nice and slick like I should, Will it lead to a swell "boxing" match? 41391 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Allen Wolverton There was a young fellow of Burma Whose betrothed had good cause to murmur. But he bought in Niagra A supply of Viagra, And the roots of their love are much firmer. 41392 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Even though you are a saint, With a soft one, a man you just ain't. So Viagra's the mickey For when she gets sticky, And with it you'll hear no complaint. 41393 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Pepe Viagra will confound the rule, About the old man and his "tool"; For pleasure in bed 'Tis larger, it's said, Now masterpiece, not OPUSCULE. 41394 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Chris Papa Viagra, called "Pfizer Riser", Now call your best gal and advise her. It may be bigger, Or quicker trigger, If latter, you're a gone guy, sir. 41395 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Chris Papa An impotent fellow named Brown Had a wife with a permanent frown. She doctored his soup With Viagra goop, Till the noodles just wouldn't stay down. 41396 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Tom Patton P9806 They say Viagra works for girls too. Is there anything this pill won't do? It brings blood to her clit And the rest of her kit. Well, let's see Viagra cause an unscrew. 41397 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Saint Viagra, the little blue pill Enlivens that which was still. What once was quite flacid, Is no longer placid, In fact it points proudly uphill! 41398 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Sam Pittman TP9806 A widower, Malcolm McBean, Remarried but failed the routine. So they drove to Niagara Where he tried Viagra, And in public, they've hardly been seen. 41399 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Hugh Clary This seems like a poor trade to me; Wee willie does much more than pee. I'll forego the hair; Keep willie down there, Stiff and a bit wrinklefree! 41400 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Dave Seems old Harry had lumps on his head, So the staff nurse leaned close and she said, "Some Viagra at night, Should make everything right, 'Cause you'll stop rolling out of your bed." 41401 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Bob Birch P9811 That Viagra stuff is a curse! The cost alone can drain a purse! And if taking iron; This stuff, don't be tryin'; Pointing north is just the worst! 41402 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Viagra makes all fellows feel good, Just as any fine medicine should. But the gals sweet refrain Is, "We're shortchanged again! Why not something to wake up our pud?" 41403 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Tom Patton P0203 What once was more valued than gold, Lay shriveled and useless and old. But a blue little pill Has caused it to fill. When I poke 'er, I hope I won't fold. 41404 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Ray Hemphill "The end of the world!" growled old Bill, Once Gabriel's trumpet was still. "The self-righteous cast Could not let is last, Now that we have the Viagra pill." 41405 MEDICAL - VIAGRA A N Wilkins P9811 This pill makes me harder down there. My wife is a bitch; I don't care! These drugs aren't dope; They allow me to cope. The green one here, even grows hair. 41406 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Irish Viagra kick-back doesn't come up, Since Medicaid won't slack pick up Of outrageous cost, One pill ten bucks lost; Erection side not for hard up. 41407 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Karen "Viagra is now second best," Said Bruce after taking the test. He was over the hill, Then he took the new pill, Now his pecker peaks over his vest. 41408 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Arnie Schoenbrun P0303 Viagra is now number two; A new drug came out of the blue. Pierre took a dose; His wife says it's gross, But his pecker's now tucked in his shoe. 41409 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Arnie Schoenbrun P0303 An old impotent fellow from Borth, Took Viagra, as his doctor set forth. When his iron was blended, ('Twas not recommended) His pecker would always point north. 41410 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Squeaky TP9807 Poor folks -- we got all we need; So why should we help them plant seed? Give them the pill? I don't think I will; For who foots the bill when they feed? 41411 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Darren Since a honeymoon failure can miff one, They've improved an invention so, if one, Honeymooning Niagara, Buys liquid Viagra, He'll be happily pouring a stiff one. 41412 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Hugh Clary I hear they have started a test run On Liquid Viagra. When all done, A fella will say, At the end of the day: "Hey, Baby, go pour me a stiff one." 41413 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Our energy level's been juiced; More middle aged ladies seduced. More joy and elation And more penetration; The price of Viagra's reduced. 41414 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Arnie Schoenbrun P0303 Viagra, the little blue pill; When swallowed, it gives men a thrill. Big deal, so will I, Just pump till I'm dry, And avoid paying that medical bill. 41415 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Deep Goat TP9807 This is just what you do While you are taking off your shoe; A wafer on the tongue; It dissolves and then some. In minutes you're ready to screw! 41416 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Paul D A curvaceous housewife from Rhyll, Who had resorted to using a dill, Gave her husband Viagra. Now he comes like Niagara With result that she's back on the pill. 41417 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Anon Viagra, that drug of renown, Proves you can't keep a real good man down -- Though his home is his castle, He avoids all that hassle By sneaking it out into town. 41418 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Arthur Deex P9807 There once was a man from Devizes, Whose son, in him always confideses. "You can't get an erection? But I have the correction." With Viagra 'The Son Also Rises.' 41419 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Gearhart TP9807 The chemists resolve never drifted, When through the compounds they sifted. Each volunteer Let out a cheer When more than their spirits were lifted. 41420 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Tom Patton P9808 If you want to feel a bit safer By not getting caught with a chafer, Don't run from the dance With a tent in your pants... Go home and then take the wafer. 41421 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Frank Fazed Viagra really is great, But I hope they reduce the rate. Ten dollars a pill Is a very high bill When all I do is masturbate! 41422 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Puff Adder If you ain't tried Viagra, don't smirk. It's one tab that sure does its work! He was harder and longer, Long lasting and stronger. (The THIRD time may have been a quirk?) 41423 MEDICAL - VIAGRA "Laying the table", at the home of the Peels Will have acquired new meaning, one feels, Since medic, Doc Moses, Prescribed Viagra in doses, Taken three times a day before meals! 41424 MEDICAL - VIAGRA There was an old lecher named Boone, Who took his Viagra too soon. The hooker was late For their mid-morning date, And didn't get there until noon. 41425 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Popsicle TP9807 When in Pisa, a mishap vehicular Spilled Viagra, a bunch in particular. It had the effect That tilt to correct; Now the tower is quite perpendicular. 41426 MEDICAL - VIAGRA OgniGioia A sex therapist's mournful lament, On the money on Pfizer is spent; No deed now to talk, Just go to the doc, For his pill gets that organ unbent. 41427 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Bob Birch P9807 To men who are 'over the hill', There is now the Viagra pill. The instructions read Lie down on the bed And 'under the hill' you soon will. 41428 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Irving Superior P9808 Invited upstairs, once again it Was my wife's urgent wish to begin it. So I popped that new pill To help bolster my quill, And said, "Dear, I'll be up in a minute!" 41429 MEDICAL - VIAGRA NAAR P9806 "I'm annoyed," an old reprobate stated, "Can't recall the last woman I dated, But given the pill, In future I will Not be angry, but Viagravated." 41430 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Jim Weaver Collection Your insurance allows you just eight, So each month you must pick up your date. If she claims her head's achin', Then that pill that you've taken Is a waste if you don't masturbate. 41431 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Bob Birch P9807 Viagra can cure a 'small' prob; It turns my inch into a knob. But my zip it has bust, From the trob and the trust, That women hang round in a mob. 41432 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Jim Weaver Collection So this stuff stiffens your dick? And adds new life to your wick? So if your impudent This stuff's heaven sent. The women, with you they will stick! 41433 MEDICAL - VIAGRA Funny Bone When Libby can't seem to CAJOLE, And Bob's chances seem very dole, Viagra will bring New life to his thing, And finish it well, on the (w)hole. 41434 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Chris Papa You are not a real man anymore? Does your pecker just point to the floor? Try Viagra, old sport, And quite soon you'll cavort With the ladies again on the floor. 41435 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED With erectile dysfunction, a sick Chap frets with wilt in his wick. But, Viagra he'll find, Helps get it realigned, Pharmaceutically trueing the dick. 41436 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Bob Giandomenico Try Viagra, it worked for Dole; It helped him to raise up his pole; Has given old Libby A treat in her clitty, Right after the blue pill took hold. 41437 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED The newest of all male corrections, For broken and worn out erections; Once the pill has been taken, You limp friend will awaken, But don't lose the book of directions. 41438 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Bob Birch P9807 Bob Dole, a Senatorial rover, His penis would always flop over. To end his dysfunction, Took pills for his gumption, Overdosed and he's now stiff all over. 41439 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED While my dear wife was cuting coupons, A great savings idea I hit upon. It would save me a mint If only they'd print, One for that pill that gives hardons. 41440 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Jim Weaver Collection Honeymoon by the falls of Niagara, Taj Mahal for romance there in Agra; As an extra safeguard, Use a pill to get hard, Don't leave home without taking -- Viagra! 41441 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Joel D Ash P9808 Viagra from Pfizer's a pill; Not Rx'd for those who feel ill. It makes limper weenies Look like large zucchinis. And ladies say "Please, a refill!" 41442 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Irish Viagra -- The Fountain of Youth. Viagra -- The Moment of Truth. "Viagra the pill From this time on will Libidos inflate," Westheimer, Ruth. 41443 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Irving Superior P9808 Hooray for Senator Dole! He's on a fantastic roll. The Viagra pill Has brought back the thrill; Libby says, "He put the peg in the hole!" 41444 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Puff Adder The Senator's prostate was cut, Which threw his love life in a rut. His Viagra test Has made him the best, And Libby now feels like a slut! 41445 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Frank Fazed He nails her now on the floor; The table, the couch and the door, Screaming "Wonderful luck! We're now able to fuck! Some more and some more and some more." 41446 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Arden Because of that new pill, Viagra, A man now can come like Niagara. If a guy keeps his dick up, His sex life will pick up. Why soften? Why shrivel? Why sag-ra? 41447 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - ADVERTISED Wormdirt TP9804 There once was a matron named Kate, Whose beau was a spry eighty eight. When they went to Niagara, She had packed his Viagra, A good reason for staying up late. (Not daring to leave love to fate) 41448 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Bob Birch P9807 With wit, a broad sees dependence Lost to a an erotic sin dance, And straightening curves From lost pelvic nerves, When Viagra brigs ascendence. 41449 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED His old cock was wrinkled and soft; 'Twas quite hard to get it aloft. Then he honeymooned at Niagara And took some viagra, And shot wads every time that he coughed! 41450 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED An aging Hollywood director, Whose member required an erector, Said to the starlet, (A codename for harlot) Viagra is my favorite NECTAR. 41451 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Norm Brust There was an old fellow from Nome Who married a nurse from the home. Wed at Niagara, Took some Viagra, And drove his bride all the way home. 41452 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Cephas Harte Lil married a rich old geezer But the old dude just couldn't please her. So she slipped him Viagra, Then he flowed like Niagara, And screwed 'til he died from the seizure. 41453 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Lims For Year - 01 On Viagra was old man Muldoon When he went on this third honeymoon. Morning coffee was brewing When he started in screwing And finished at twelve o'clock noon. 41454 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Bob Birch P9807 There was an old man of Brazil, Who swallowed the little blue pill. It gave him a charge, Made his penis grow large, And gave all the ladies a thrill! 41455 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Mikey TP9901 No longer am I just a talker; Viagra has made me a stalker. I'm now an old lecher And planning to catch her, But somebody's hidden my walker! 41456 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED TP9804 I'm an old man, tired and jaded; My memories of youth are all faded. My cherry long gone; I still linger on; Viagra gives hope to the aged. 41457 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Bob Hunt Viagra's made quite an advance That's filling the front of my pants. Get over here fast And bring your old ass; It might be your very last chance! 41458 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Old man sought physician advisor, "I need help to get it to rise, sir." Viagra doled out, The result, no doubt, Turns old spring into young geyser. 41459 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Chris Papa An aging Lothario, Prewitt, Said, oxymoronically, "Screw it!" Viagra had failed him, And worries assailed him, That never again could he do it. 41460 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Norm Storer She thought right in bed I would hop, But arthritic bones tend to pop. Viagra she fed me; She's ready to bed me. Could somebody lift me on top? 41461 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Ray Hemphill TP9804 A little old man named Kincade Took Viagra but never got laid. At the slightest suggestion, He has an erection, So he hired a new young sexy maid. 41462 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Tom Patton P0203 In the pitch black dark of the mill An old man made history still. Said he, with Viagra, When he bent down to grab ya, "Don't worry babe, I'm on the pill!" 41463 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Anon Young lady meets gent whose much older, Who proclaims love, STRAIGHT FROM THE SHOULDER. She spurns his advances, Unready for chances. His Viagra vigor won't hold her. 41464 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Chris Papa An elderly gent we call Andy, Is taking Viagra like candy. Without good directions, He gets tireless erections, And the women in town think he's dandy! 41465 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Tim Thompson An old geezer who turned niney-three, Said, "I know this Viagra ain't free, But it won't go to waste, I even like the taste, And the old wife's more kindly to me. 41466 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Lee Malone TP9806 First honeymoon's great at Niagara, Then if you don't die of pellagra Or terrible wheezes, Or noxious diseases, You'll someday be glad of Viagra. 41467 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - AGED Island Singer There once was a druggist named Rizer, Whose opinion was always the wiser: "For an evening sublime, Viagra works fine, But for great sex, I buy shares of Pfizer. 41468 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Jeannette Cook P9806 Pfizer's chemists are sure enterprising, Viagra's effect so surprising, The dirty old men Are young once again. Their prospects for sex are now rising. 41469 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Tom Patton P9806 The Viagra Quality Director, Said, "I'm only the pill inspector, And my job isn't done Till I test every one, 'Cause that's what I took this job for." 41470 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Lee Malone TP9806 A chap (a known womanizer) Had stopped in to see his adviser, As to how to invest; 'Twas heard, "Surely you jest! I'd advise you to put all in Pfizer." 41471 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Pilar My portfolio's taken a beatin', So my broker, he calls this big meetin'. "Your stock is a bummer, Pfizer's the comer! Please ditch this obsession with Eaton." (Eaton labs - big in urology products) 41472 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Irish This shouldn't be a disaster For something easy to master. If I had been wiser I'd invested in Pfizer; They already made Viagra faster! 41473 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Paul D Viagra in drink form is new, From Pepsi in two thousand two, Convenient so if one, Desires a stiff one, It's pourable and called "Mount 'N Do." 41474 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Bob Giandomenico P0202 I once bought a company's stock; They made splints to stiffen your cock. They were doing just fine; Now Viagra's on line. My stock has just dropped like a rock! 41475 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Puff Adder If getting a boner's a chore, Let Pfizer, Inc. help you to score. To prime the old pump Cost ten bucks a hump. Would you mind redefining a whore? 41476 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Irish The spouting hot spring is a GEYSER, An image reminding old miser Of fleeting glory, A maid named Cori, And Viagra story from Pfizer. 41477 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Daniel Ford My adviser said, "Don't be a miser. You can get quite a rise out of Pfizer. You should buy a large block Of this company's stock, Since it's shooting straight up like a geyser." 41478 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Jerry Nordal P9806 Viagra by storm took the nation, Inciting a joyful elation. Passions rising from trance, Mostly right in the pants. Gave Pfizer a standing ovation. 41479 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Loren C Fitzhugh P9807 With sales of Viagra so good, The value of Pfizer now should Climb so high that soon it'll Be just like Engine Little, And be known as "The Old Stock That Could." 41480 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE Jerry Nordal P980 I too, wanted my investments right on, But the name of the company was gone From my head, so I said I'll grasp at a thread. I put all my cash in Upjohn. 41481 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE S C Saint The sheik's harem, well sated and awed, Cried, "Praise Allah!" and rose to applaud. But the sheik said, "Please cite me: It was not the almighty -- 'Twas the tablet from Pfizer, by God!" 41482 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - CORPORATE William N Nesbit P9806 A couple of guys who were queer Slipped Viagra in straight Harry's beer. The resulting erection They view as confection. Said Harry, "Girls, I'm outta here" 41483 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Arnie Schoenbrun P0208 From the sun I keep my eyes shaded; My nerves are shattered and frayded. But I still linger on, Though all hope is gone. Viagra they say makes you brain dead. 41484 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS That Viagra thing doesn't work Embarrassed? I felt such a Jerk For taking two pills Did not cure my ills, But gave a throbbing knee-jerk. 41485 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Please give my poor pup a big break. He has a big bone, when awake. 'Cause pills that I need That get in his feed, Are from the VIAGRA I take. 41486 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Chris Papa There was an old lecher named Boone Who took his Viagra too soon. The hooker was late And left him to his fate. He was found on the floor in a swoon. (not enough blood to his brain - McW) 41487 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Popsicle TP9901 Viagra has one side effect And one not too hard to detect. Instructions just follow -- DO NOT SLOWLY SWALLOW! If slowly, you'll get a stiff neck. 41488 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Irving Superior P9808 For one little blue pill, Mr. Beck Gave his doctor a very large check. The Doc, from Nantucket, Said, "Swallow, don't suck it -- Or you'll get a very stiff neck." 41489 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS H Myers TP9806 So Viagra kills people -- No lie! I really don't care to know why. Whatever you say, I think that it may Be a wonderful way to go die. 41490 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Puff Adder Dear Doctor, don't ever prescribe This Viagra (without a bribe) 'Cause first guys have sex -- After that -- heart attacks, Which diminishes size of our tribe. 41491 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Nik Synytskyy Viagra, so I've heard it said, Can make one quite vigorous in bed. But I wouldn't use it, If it came right down to it; 'Cause I'd rather be limp than be dead. 41492 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Jon Gearhart "Viagra's a problem," says Brown, The undertaker showing a frown. "I've got dozens of cases With smiles on their faces, But I can't get the lids to stay down!" 41493 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS H Myers TP9806 Viagra is not just for guys, But it's certain to change pussy size. These gals will have vents The size of pup tents. (Now that's sure to make a cock rise.) 41494 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Irish If Viagra works as they say: Pop one, de rigeur, as foreplay! One's honor uphold... But we have been told, That the maximum dose for the day? 41495 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Nick Lanyon Watch out for Viagra! It kills! Don't trust any guys taking pills. If he has to eat stuff Before charging the muff, Make sure it is you, not those pills. 41496 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Jim Weaver Collection Dead Viagra men need taller hearses; That's why I am writing these verses. Though being stone dead The coroner said, "The stiffs have shown no reverses!" 41497 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Marsh Magee TP9806 Viagra may just be a dream For giving your pecker some steam. It's now been reported Your vision's distorted; Things aren't as LARGE as they seem! 41498 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Barbara Since Viagra now aids my embrace, And of impotence there is no trace, You'd think I'd be elated, But it's much overrated, Since my stamina now can't keep pace. 41499 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Loren Fitzhugh P0105 Have you heard of the elderly groom Who Viagra-ed on his honeymoon. With all his clothes shed, He raced to the bed And pole-vaulted out of the room. 41500 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Irving Superior P9808 Viagra, the little blue pill; It may work but only with skill. Those scientists demean us - It falls off the penis! Use scotch tape to help it keep still! 41501 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS All wrinkled and lazy it lies; Viagra has caused it to rise. I thought I would thrill her, But now I'm a killer; She just dropped dead from surprise! 41502 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Ray Hemphill TP9804 If shorter, your love life it mauls, It doesn't do much for recalls, When 'quickie' goes bang, And limply you hang, She'll leave you at Viagra falls. 41503 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Chris Papa My sex life, it has been rough; Viagra's some real powerful stuff. The girls do complain If they feel too much pain, As I enter their normal-sized muff. 41504 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Jim Weaver Collection My sex life has just been a wreck. I bought some Viagra on spec. Before I could gloat, It stuck in my throat. The only thing stiff is my neck. 41505 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Frank Fazed When in Britain, Viagra sales dip, A team's formed to prevent the slip. They solved it real quick By adding Chap-Stik; That's how Brits keep a stiff upper lip. 41506 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Wade Fincher His wife said she fancied a fuck, So Viagra he started to suck; But he felt a bit lame When the tablet became Twixt his throat and esophagus, stuck. 41507 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Peter Wilkins Now that tablet lived up to its spec, Even though it was stuck in his neck. With a stiffening feeling His head hit the ceiling. Concussed, he collapsed on the deck. 41508 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Peter Wilkins His wife thought, "I hope he's not dead." But he woke and said, "Let's go to bed." That was ten days ago, Now his wife's all aglow; He just cannot stop giving her head. 41509 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Peter Wilkins Quite rightly, I do want to star; As is, I might fill yp your jar. With so little space For skill, in this case Viagra might swell it too far. 41510 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS H WHELCHEL They're simply not working for me; On Thursday I took twenty three. Instead of a lump, I had a stomach pump. Seems I'd done a Viagra OD! (OD - over dose) 41511 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Fester There once was a man from Niagara, Accidentally took ten Viagra. His peckers as large As a waterfront barge; His girlfriends say it will gag ya'! 41512 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - DANGERS Irish Viagra, the little blue pill; Reputed to give men a thrill. My Charlie took it. He cried, "Hey, Look-it!" He sits there admiring it -- STILL! 41513 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Marty TP9807 Viagra's more valued than gold, And helps me at cards, so I'm told. Strip poker I play, And no longer say I have to limp out, 'cause I fold. 41514 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Ray Hemphill Viagra, to which I'm addicted, Works better by far, than depicted. It's gone from quite limp To as big as a blimp, Which is more than my previous dick did. 41515 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Anon Viagra lets an aging codger Come to bat like Duke Snider, the Dodger. For double-headers, its great. Try it on a date; You'll score more than the Maris boy, Roger. 41516 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Norm Brust Young Fred, who lived west of L.A., Tried to beef up his bratwurst last May. Adding peppers and spice, He ground everything twice -- Now he takes Viagra each day. 41517 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Steven A Shaw Viagra increased his libido; He screwed every girl in Toledo. They all had blue eyes, Blue twats the right size, Except for a cross-dresser named Guido. 41518 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Marsha Magee TP9806 An octogenarian nudist from Bude Was thought by some to be lewd. On a trip to Niagara, He stocked up on Viagra, And now you should see him extrude! 41519 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Viagra the little blue pill Certainly does fit the bill. I've taken it once And fucked 50 cunts; Have YOU got a crevice to fill? 41520 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Sam's wife said, "Of sex I want more," So Viagra he bought at the store. But a Viagra tower Can last for an hour; Now the lady's both happy --- and sore! 41521 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Arnie Schoenbrun P0209 If you smoke 'em, then get off the weed. Cigarettes are just more than you need. They achieved the disorder That unhardened my boarder. Viagra's now helping him seed. 41522 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL I'm now in a hard convent bed. Intravenous Viagra I'm fed. She's made me the slave Of her abnormal crav- ings, God I'm so sore and so red. 41523 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL If I take Viagra, my dear, My thing will stretch way out to HERE. You can then rent me out, For money, no doubt. I think I have found a career! 41524 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Al Willis P9807 I will charge fifty dollars a pop, A bit more if the girl wants on top. My expense will be ten; I will then go again. And I'll stay on the job till I drop. 41525 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Al Willis P9807 For years, there was no erection, Which led to total rejection. But thanks to Viagra It feels like Niagara; Now that's what I call perfection! 41526 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Said the macho and virile Senor, "I can take on young girls by the score." As he started to scoff, His Viagra wore off, And he pointed straight down to the floor. 41527 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Arnie Schoenbrun P0310 I once tried Viagra for fun, But there's one thing that it has done. I had a hard-on so thick, People thought that my prick Must weigh in at nearly a ton. 41528 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Jim Weaver Collection With Viagra I'm back on the scene, Randy as I was when just sixteen. All day Sunday I'll ooze Quite a bit of man juice; Mr. Happy may burst at the seams. 41529 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL He wanted to show his affection To the woman he thought was perfection. Costly gifts she declined. He achieved peace of mind, When she took his Viagra connection. 41530 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Arnie Schoenbrun P0303 If, for Viagra, you have an Rx, Be prepared to write hefty checks. The little blue pill Can run up a bill, But you'll smile as your budget it wrecks. 41531 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Norm Brust It's Viagra thats done it for me; Now my peckers as hard as can be. No longer a chump, I got rid of the pump, But my fucking dick still doesnt pee! 41532 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Although old Strom Thurmond could score, The fact is, past eighty or more, Though the spirit is willing, That blood channel filling Needs Viagra's help at the core. 41533 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Chris Papa A tired old man named Deagra Has started up taking Viagra; Now his vigorous dong Is easily as strong As the mightly old falls of Niagara! 41534 MEDICAL - VIAGRA - TESTIMONIAL Cap'n Bean P9807