05/28/2004


A young Nordic lass in Mombassa,
Demanded a piece of hot ass-a.
But she flew in a rage
And locked her cunt in a cage,
When they brought in King Haile Selassie.

29731 HISTORY - AFRICAN  L1488



The Conquering Lion of Judah,
Made a prayer to the statue of Buddha.
"Oh, Idol," he prayed,
"May Il Duce be spayed,
And all his descendants be neuter!"

29732 HISTORY - AFRICAN  L1185



There once was a country devoid
Of competent leaders deployed.
To keep the Reds out,
We found one about,
So now it's not Red, just destroyed.

29733 HISTORY - AFRICAN  Calvin Trillan



There once was a boss named Mobutu
To whom all the graft would accrue to.
He looted the place
Then left in disgrace
And basked in the castle he flew to.

29734 HISTORY - AFRICAN  Calvin Trillan



The rulers of long-ago Sumer
Were never much known for good humor;
If a mistress refused
Or seemed not too enthused,
They'd like as not opt to entomb her.

29735 HISTORY - ASIAN  Armand E Singer  879



Atilla thought virgins were fun,
But puzzled to see them all run.
"What teases," cried he,
"To tremble and flee,
When they all keep calling me Hun."

29736 HISTORY - ASIAN  History Pun Chimera P0108



There was once a commander named Harrison,
Who stationed his troops in a garrison.
And there they would languish
And mutter in anguish,
Attila was kind, by comparison.

29737 HISTORY - ASIAN  Mark Wainwright



"Here we are," said Attila the Hun,
"Won't you join us in all of the fun?
We'll slaughter and pillage,
Every last helpless village.
Come quickly, the action's begun"

29738 HISTORY - ASIAN  Isaac Asimov



A romantic attraction has clung
To a chap of whom damsels have sun:
"'Tis the Scourge from the East,
That lascivious beast
Who was known as Attila the Hung!"

29739 HISTORY - ASIAN



There once was a Hun called Attila,
Whose life was a genuine thrilla.
From village to village,
He'd rant, rape, and pillage,
Seldom spending two nights on one pilla.

29740 HISTORY - ASIAN  G0511



His neighbors objected, it's true,
To the way he would plunder and screw.
But he'd say, "Tain't my fault,
'Cause it's all the result
Of a trauma I suffered at two."

29741 HISTORY - ASIAN  G0512



In the words of the good Chairman Mao,
"A woman is much like a cow."
Has he thereby admitted,
Their girls are four-teated,
Or that heifers resemble his frau?

29742 HISTORY - ASIAN



Is Commodore Perry to blame,
Since he with his mighty fleet came
And opened Japan,
Where the Japs with elan
Are beating us at our own game?

29743 HISTORY - ASIAN  A. N. Wilkins  P9212



Of that terrible King Mithridates,
His subjects along the Euphrates
Used to say in great scorn:
"He's of no woman born,
But extruded from fatherly nates."

29744 HISTORY - ASIAN  G1014



Of dynasties Han, Tang, and Ming,
I admit I don't know a damn thing.
The Orient's history
To me is a mystery.
But I once had a Singapore Sling!

29745 HISTORY - ASIAN  John K. Roberts  P9212



In the marvelous city of Petra,
You'll find it is really a metr'a
Fact that the folks
Who live there drink Cokes,
And eat olives and sheep and et cetra.

29746 HISTORY - ASIAN  Norm Storer  P2005



Mark Anthony, supine by the creek,
Got to thinking of customs of Greek.
"Cleo, would you mind
If I tried your behind?"
"Here I lie, and I'm not prone to shriek."

29747 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Bill Edwards  P9103



Cleopatra to Antony: Duck
If you'll just shift a bit, I will suck."
But that's nuttin': the glutton
Gave her up the butt an
Anachonismatical fuck.

29748 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  G2323



A king in eternal repose,
Got a linen cocoon for his clothes.
And much gold for his severance
Arranged with due reverence,
Then they sucked all his brains out his nose.

29749 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John Eggerton  P0103



A luscious Egyptian barbarian
Had problems we could call ovarian.
A famed Roman ruler
Inserted his tool, or
How else to explain her Caesarian.

29750 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Armand E Singer  248



King Cheops, old geezer of Gizah,
Had a young wife, but just couldn't please her.
Pyramids?  His was bigger!
She said, "That don't figger --
Just leave it for some future Caesar!"

29751 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John E Mayhood  P0103



Come along children, and follow me,
As I tell you 'bout Cleo and Ptolemy,
A mother and son,
They had lots of fun,
Engaging in all sorts of sodomy.

29752 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



Cleopatra, the queen of Egypt,
Was frequently found quite unzipped,
By visiting Romans,
Who fancied that woman's
Charms, as the med they trans-shipped.

29753 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



I was dubious about this adventure,
Thought some rhymes I'd have to invent-ure,
But this verse aside,
It's been quite a smooth ride;
You can't have found much to resent-ure.

29754 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



The first to come calling was Jule;
He entered and flashed her his tool.
She gave him a rub,
While immersed in her tub,
But that's all he got, useless fool.

29755 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



The next one was Marcus Antonius,
Like Julie, he soon got a bonius.
But a bit of fellation
Soon caused his deflation,
All his talk of "all night" was erroneous.

29756 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



They came there from many a mile,
But her body they could not defile.
She'd lead them along,
But she'd not let their dong
Near her pussy, the queen of denial.

29757 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



Yes, I know you've heard that pun before,
And as humor, it's flat on the floor.
But I will not retract,
It's a salient fact,
So I'm sure you can stand it once more.

29758 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



At last 'cross the Mediterranean,
There comes the young Emperor Octavian.
And he rapes and he pillages
All the towns and the villages...
In fact in the ass he's a pain-ian.

29759 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



For Cleo it was now the end,
Her honour she'd no more defend,
And the last thing we know,
She's in a strip show,
Or so the historians have penned.

29760 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



In a whore house in Cairo I sat,
When up came a tart, old and fat.
She was dressed all in silk,
Smelt of rancid ass milk,
And her name it was Cleo, or Pat.

29761 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



The British Museum is crowing
'Bout sculptures purportedly showing
Young Cleo in bed,
Giving Anthony head,
In the first class salon of a Boeing.

29762 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Peter Wilkins



Cleopatra would wear a big smile
Whenever she barged down the Nile.
Her occasional gasp
Would confirm that her asp
Was hiding somewhere rather vile.

29763 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



Cleopatra for power was aspiring,
But she lost all that she was desiring;
She didn't grow senile
As the Queen of The Nile:
Her asp-iring caused her expiring.

29764 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Dix47man



On Egypt's Queen Cleo, a tidbit.
Two lovers the queen had permitted.
She picked the wrong one
And when sets the sun,
(The tidbit) an asp then her teat bit.

29765 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Irving Superior



A queen of old Egypt, named Cleo
Conducted her loving "con brio."
She felt quite at home in
The arms of one Roman
But preferred to be part of a trio.

29766 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Isaac Asimov



Cleopatra may not have been great,
But some Romans thought her first rate.
She knew how to send them
And used her pundendum
To achieve her objectives of state.

29767 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  A. N. Wilkins  P8601



Cleopatra, who thought they maligned her,
Resolved to reform and be kinder.
"If, when pettish", she said,
"I should knock off your head,
Won't you give me a gentle reminder?"

29768 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



Cleopatra's a cute little minx,
With a sex life that's loaded with kinks.
Marcus A. she would steer amid
The palms and Great Pyramid,
And they'd screw on the head of the sphinx.

29769 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Isaac Asimov



Cleopatra, when sex was still new to her,
Kept buying up young slaves to tutor her.
But the Pharoah, her dad,
For fear she'd go bad,
Kept rendering them neuterer and neuterer.

29770 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John Ciardi



Cleopatra, while helping to pump,
Ground out such a furious bump,
That Anthony's dick
Snapped off like a stick,
And left him to pump with the stump.

29771 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  L1729



On Cleopatra's mortal sin,
The ASP is where we should begin.
Cold the night is!
Laryngitis!
And she half whispers "ASP-ir-in."

29772 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Irving Superior  P8401



"Cleopatra", said randy young Pharoah,
"I'd like to screw you to the marrow!"
But she said, "What a sin
That you can't get it in;
It seems I've a furrow to narrow!"

29773 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Shakes Young Bro  T9707



A young fellow attended a college just
To become a supreme Egyptologist,
And lie on a mattress
That was once Cleopatra's,
Yelling orders to eunuchs, his balls be kissed.

29774 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Don Moore  P0103



The 'Curse of the Pharaohs' is true
As Carter found out, to his rue;
When he dug up their mummies
And unwrapped their tummies,
That pissed off a Pharaoh or two!

29775 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Jemstone  P0103



In Egypt a pretty young slut,
Revered for her well-rounded butt,
Got to do a King twice;
And when asked if 'twas nice,
Just grinned and replied, "Oh Tut Tut."

29776 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Bob Birch  P0102



At R-O-M, I saw a mummy
Wrapped up with its knees in its tummy;
All shriveled and dried.
I think when you've died,
Being put on display's pretty crummy.

29777 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



There once was a sickly Egyptian
Who took an organic prescription;
He died in his room
And was placed in a tomb,
Which was scribed with a sacred inscription.

29778 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Cap'n Bean  P0103



In the past, you've heard many flimflammeries,
But my research will much of the clamor ease,
And prove that the Asp
Cleopatra would grasp
Was heard to sing "Fangs for the mammaries."

29779 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Hugh Clary



Said Isis: "One night in the sack'll
Confirm any practice I'll tackle."
Said Osiris, "We'll bed,
But you must give me head,"
Which she did, though it proved to be Jackal.

29780 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John Eggerton  P0103



Cleopatra was alone in her class;
'Fore her eyes her whole life had to pass
On that fabled dark day,
When historians say
She was killed by a grasp in the ass.

29781 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Arnie Schoenbrun  P0206



Attired in her suicide garments,
Cleopatra sent out for the varments.
And one wouldn't do,
She had to have two,
To avoid a half-asped performance.

29782 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  History Pun Chimera P0108



To the builder, the younger King Tut,
The loan institutions were shut.
To build pyramids
Takes quids upon quids,
And those rocks are a pain in the butt.

29783 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Mervyn Cripps collection




King Tut's curse seemed mere hogwash to Arden
So he dug, asking nobody's pardon.
But it cost him his life,
For while screwing his wife,
The poor fellow died with a hard on.

29784 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  A. N. Wilkins  P8701



One of those dead old pharaohs
Once asked his dad why 'twas he was.
"Now I'm just a dummy,
So go ask your mummy,
But she will just tell you, 'Be gauze'"!

29785 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



We know Nefertiti was pretty;
We suppose she was charming and witty.
But it wasn't her bust
That caused Ramses to lust,
He only liked thigh, nefer titi.

29786 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John E Mayhood  P0103



The pussy of Queen Nefertiti,
Was known to be quite itty-bitty;
'Til she got with great trammel
The old twat of a camel,
And then she could screw the whole city.

29787 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



The virginal queen we should pity;
That's right, no not once, never did he
Cop even a feel.
She, 'e gypped, a raw deal.
So what did he touch?  Nefertiti!

29788 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



I thought Cleopatra might gasp
When I offered my scepter to grasp.
But the chick was so rude
That I never got blewed,
Not even a piece of her asp.

29789 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



The Egyptians build pyramids tall,
Great obelisks, sphinxes, and all
To glorify kings;
These marvelous things
Now serve as a gigantic mall.

29790 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Norm Storer  P2005



Archeologists, reeking of malice,
Say Cleo corrupted her palace.
And her obelisk fine,
By its shape and design,
Was just Cleo's wet dream of a phallus.

29791 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Jemstone  P0103



A vizier before Dynasty Six
Said, "Sovereign, my lord! I am sick
With the onset of age.
Though I'm still very sage,
Senility's coming on quick."

29792 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Carol R. Fontaine  P9107



For my old age, appoint me a prop
So my work needn't falter or stop:
Let me teach him my stuff
Until he's had enough,
And my maxims he surely will top.

29793 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Carol R. Fontaine  P9107



Be not high with respect to your heart,
Or think yourself so very smart:
For of skill there's no limit
In Kush or in Kemet,
And good speech is a difficult art.
(Kush - Ethiopia, Kemet - Egypt)
29794 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Carol R. Fontaine  P9107



More so than the best malachite,
Good speech is quite hidden from sight;
And yet, it is found
With the slavegirl profound
At the grindstone, displaying insight.

29795 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Carol R. Fontaine  P9107



If you can, then establish your house;
Settle down with a nice little spouse:
A rich field for her lord
Is a wife that's not bored
(But her body with oil you must douse).

29796 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Carol R. Fontaine  P9107



Tiddoxes, an ancient Egyptian,
Wrote poems of fact and of fiction,
In form hieroglyphic;
They're probably terrific,
But thus far have defied all decryption.

29797 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



I've studied the papyrus scrolls,
Concealed in odd cavelets and holes,
Midst desert sand dunes;
I've studied the runes,
And feel I'm achieving my goals.

29798 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



I've disproved the tale that the Sphinx,
Whose sphincter, sand-clogged, mankind thinks
Caused humps on the camel.
There's evidence damn-all,
But it did give its penis some kinks.

29799 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



The traders who sail on the Nile,
Are wizards at con-tricks and guile.
They'll sell you sunglasses,
And fruit and molasses,
And potions of love in a phial.

29800 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



And the hieroglyphics are tellin'
They conned even sweet Trojan Helen.
They sold her the keys o'
The structure of Giza...
The first case of pyramid sellin'.

29801 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



But Erm, I can't come back to thee;
I've still got a mystery or three
To solve: Did Osiris
The god, spread a virus,
And did that bug kill the Dead Sea.

29802 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Tiddy Ogg



Ancient kings of the mummiified kind,
Toward revelry, oft were inclined.
But in death, every pharoah
Became a straight arrow,
For none were allowed to unwind.

29803 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John Eggerton  P0103



Cleo said, "Tony, once in a while
Sleep with me."  He said, "Not my style!
I have fallen quite hard
For Radames, your guard.
It is I who am queen of the Nile!"

29804 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  William N Nesbit  P0103



A professor who reads hieroglyphics
Said, "I'd rather avoid the specifics,
But that Rosetta stone
Cuts too close to the bone,
In describing an old Pharaoh's stiff fix."

29805 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Jemstone  P0103



Rosetta Cody, cryptologist,
Wed Bob Stone, archeologist.
After marriage, her name
She changed and became
Rosetta Stone, an Egyptologist.

29806 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Henry Mucha



An old digger of relics named Liptor
Told the queen that the relic he shipped her
Did include the esophagus
From an ancient sarcophagus;
'Twas a matter of record Egypt her.

29807 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Albin Chaplin  P0211



Archeologists chase Egyptology
Using X-Rays, and even seismology,
As they search for a room
They can claim is the tomb
Of the womb of a Pharaoh's biology.

29808 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John E Mayhood  P0103



There once was a great old pharoah
Whose legs were incredibly narrow.
When he entered the sun,
He thought it was fun
To think that he looked like a sparrow.

29809 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Mason Wright



Dr. Green: For a very large sum, he
Agreed, with a king to get chummy.
So he stayed overnight
In a tomb, which ain't right,
Cause it's incest to sleep with your mummy.

29810 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John Eggerton  P0103



Cleopatra, she sailed up the Nile
Wearing just an inscrutable smile,
When she saw the Sphinx
Give a couple of winks;
In those days Sphinx were more agile.

29811 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



Someone said, "But Cleo remember
A Sphinx has a very large member."
After a short while,
The Sphinx wore the smile
And Cleo was happy but tender.

29812 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



That 'smile' on the face of the Sphinx
Is not quite as odd as one thinks.
That ancient seducer
Once spotted Medusa,
And invited her over for drinks.

29813 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  John E Mayhood  P0103



The famous Egyptian King Tut
Had a fabulous musical butt.
"But some people thinks
My music, it sphynx,
I blow toots uncommon, so what?"

29814 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



Egyptologists claim Tut was dapper,
Though he was just a mere whippersnapper.
But just see what they found,
When they got him unwound
From his ancient, linen, plain brown wrapper.

29815 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Loren Fitzhugh  P0103



Tut-Ankh-Amen, best known as old Tankh,
Was a Pharaoh of infinite rank;
But his sarcophagus
Wouldn't cause all this fuss
If his name had been Freddy or Frank.

29816 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  E. Ridgewell



Egyptian princess, name of Wendy,
Exceedingly supple and bendy,
Gave Tutankhamen
An erection for fun
While she serviced his camel "Effendi".

29817 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



Said the Boy King, "I fear I've a funny
Feeling down here in my tummy."
"Tut, Tut!" said old Ra.
"I can see that you are
Not a Son, nor a Dad, but a Mummy."

29818 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN



The pyramids aim to the sky;
We view them in awe with a sigh;
And the questions we hold
Of these treasures so old,
Are just how did they build them -- and why?

29819 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  Cap'n Bean  P0103



Hot lovers in This said that zythum  (This - city in Egypt) 
Was something they like to have with them
Before going to bed,
For in fucking, they said,
It especially heightened their rhythm.
(zythum - ancient Egyptian beer)
29820 HISTORY - EGYPTIAN  A. N. Wilkins  P8801



Boadicea often would goad
Some chance soldier she met on the road,
The paint with isatis,
Their sex apparatus,
And embrace, crying, "One for the woad!"
(Isatis tinctoria - plant source of woad)
29821 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Douglas Catley



Sir Oswald, the cunning old Celt,
Walks round wearing only his pelt.
If all of the maids
In the village were laid
End to end, there ain't one he's not felt.

29822 HISTORY - ENGLISH



Said Wellington, "What's the location
Of this battle I've won for the nation?"
They replied, "Waterloo."
He said, "That'll do.
What a glorious name for a station."

29823 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Frank Richards



Some people think I'm a weak party,
Others say that I'm quite hardy.
The truth is, in brief,
I'm seeking relief,
But not at the hands of the Mahdi.
(General Chinese Gordon speaks)
29824 HISTORY - ENGLISH



Who'll bugger the Turk?
"I', said Gladstone, as Chief of the Nation,
And Premier of England, to gain reputation.
I'll bugger the Turk,
And ne'er let him shirk
My prick's Grand Demonstration!"  (Published in 1880)
29825 HISTORY - ENGLISH  L0521



A Nelsonian captain addressed
His men, on their duty, with zest.
History doesn't teach
What they thought of his speech,
But we think most of them were impressed.
(impressed seamen - get it? - McW)
29826 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Chandrama



Said Nelson at an embassy party,
"I am sorry, if I seem rather tardy,
But I face a dilemma,
Should I bugger my Emma,
Or screw the delectable Hardy.

29827 HISTORY - ENGLISH  A Cinna



T'was in Egypt that he came to harm,
When a Frenchie shot off part of his arm.
But Lord Nelson falls
When he's shot in the balls,
At Trafalgar, on a sea far from calm.

29828 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tim Main



His eye was shot out in the Med,
In a battle where hundreds lay dead.
With his blind eye he quips,
"I can't see no ships!"
As he signalled the fleet full ahead.

29829 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tim Main



I saw Nelson at the Battle of the Nile,
And did the bullets whistle thick and fast and wild.
And when Pharoah hit the King
With a cutlass on the wing,
I was lying at the bottom of the pile.
(from 'A Great Historical Bum')
29830 HISTORY - ENGLISH



Said Lord Nelson to Hardy, "Please kiss me!"
And what Hardy did next is no mystery.
'Tis for this sweet caress,
Not for naval success,
That his name is remembered in history.

29831 HISTORY - ENGLISH



The barons at old Runnymede
Forced John far too much to concede...
With that damn Magna Carta,
The riff-raff pro rata
Are ruling with consumate greed.

29832 HISTORY - ENGLISH  OgniGioia



This London eve, up in the tower,
We guilty knaves tremble and cower.
No habeas corpus
Will ever unwarp us.
Over phantoms the Carta's no power.

29833 HISTORY - ENGLISH  H WHELCHEL



Sir Cloudesley sailed on the sea,
A Royal Fleet Admiral was he.
Coming home from Gibraltar,
His course failed to alter;
What happened?  You shortly will see...

29834 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tiddy Ogg



It happened in 1707.
While aiming for Plymouth in Devon.
One crewman said, "Sport,
You're too far to port,
You're nearer the mouth of the Severn."

29835 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tiddy Ogg



Sir Cloudesley said: "Grab that boy, Billy,
Who shoots off his mouth willy-nilly.
Hang him from the yard!
A punishment hard...
'Twill teach him for being so silly."

29836 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tiddy Ogg



Marines on board had him surrounded,
With rope, hand and foot, he was bounded.
And a curse was the last
Thing that through his lips passed:
"I pray that this ship shall be grounded."

29837 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tiddy Ogg



And Billy's prediction proved right.
While cruising, full-rigged, late that night,
The hull it was rent;
All the crew's lives were spent,
As the ship swiftly sank out of sight.

29838 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tiddy Ogg



She'd two other ships in her train,
Both speeding full sail 'cross the main.
They spotted too late
Their admiral's fate,
And the crabs further protein did gain.

29839 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tiddy Ogg



Near 2000 fine men were lost,
Off Scilly their bodies were tossed,
'Cause the man misconstrued
The right longitude,
Which failure they learned to their cost.

29840 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tiddy Ogg



Under Cromwell and such horses' necks,
The puritans managed to vex
Sports and theater fans
With numerous bans,
Till their only diversion was sex.

29841 HISTORY - ENGLISH  A. N. Wilkins  P8605



That old English stud, Walter Raleigh,
Was always remarkably jolly,
Particularly
When it happened that he
Was in bed with a buxom young dolly.

29842 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Isaac Asimov



Young Ethelred Beowulf Jackson
Had sex with a flaxen-haired Saxon,
Announcing each pillage
And subsequent spillage,
By giving a blast on a klaxon.

29843 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Peter Wilkins



Talking of Scots, there's Robert Bruce;
Another who like barley juice.
While watching a spider,
Someone stole his cider,
So he said, "Aw damn, what's the use?"

29844 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tony Burrell



There once was a maid from Lancaster;
The red rose was the mark of her master.
Till she rolled in the hay
With a Plantagenet,
And embraced Richard's arms ever after.

29845 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Pedro J. Aavedra  P8604



I really do note with disdain,
At the lack of a British domain.
So here I am now,
And I make a vow
To make the Union Jack fly again!

29846 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Staffordshire Scribbler 




It stirs feelings of strong Scottish pride,
To see Englishmen run far and wide.
But they chopped off his head;
Poor Willy was dead;
And he went off to follow his bride.

29847 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Jim Weaver Collection



William Wallace said, "Och aye the noo."
And painted his face Scottish blue.
He fought with the Brits
And made them look twits;
Celebrated with Young's Special Brew.

29848 HISTORY - ENGLISH  Tony Burrell



A young man once went to Dundee,
And said to the voters, said he,
"No house is complete,
Unless I have a seat;
My initials are W.C."
(Attributed to Winston Churchill)
29849 HISTORY - ENGLISH



The Ancient Empire once thought
It could break treaties it sought.
The Knox were well armed;
Ancient HQ grew alarmed.
Their fleet was eventually caught.

29850 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Jim Weaver Collection



Ancients dozed when tactics were taught.
The battle they lost was poor fought.
Ponder what they have learned,
Or share what they've earned:
Treachery always comes to nought.

29851 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Jim Weaver Collection



The Ancient Empire loved war,
Till its leader of losing grew sore.
His curses were English,
Messages quite fiendish,
Sore losers are really a bore.

29852 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Jim Weaver Collection



"Sarge," said the Knox marine bruiser,
"The Ancients are really poor losers.
We might stop our taunts,
And our victory flaunts,
But never our fast battle cruisers!"

29853 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Jim Weaver Collection



It was tricky for Ben Mussolini
When the word got around he was teeny,
But he garnered a laugh
From his General Staff,
When he flashed them a breaded zucchini.

29854 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Thomas A. Quinine  P8303



Girls!  Beware of Boccaccio,
His favorite dish is fellatio.
All the young girls in Florence
Drink his semen in torrents,
So be sure you stay off his patio!

29855 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  G0979a



Peace once again is undone.
Bosnians talk with a gun.
It may seem far away,
But it should all dismay.
Don't forget, they began World War One.

29856 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  John K. Roberts  P9303



Of course you've heard of Casanova:
His wife, too, had passions that drove her.
She tried ten thousand men,
And then started again--
Don Juan!  Casanova!  Move over!

29857 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  G0625a



Casanova, as minstrels have sung,
Was arrested and never got sprung.
But how could they say,
"He just withered away,"
When we all know he must have been hung.

29858 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Cybergeezer



Charles Martel at Tours
Said, "Boys, the odds are poor,
But take a chance
For sunny France -
Ain't gonna reign, no Moor."

29859 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  History Pun Chimera P0108



Don Rodriguez del Mar Y Posada
Commanded the Spanish Armada,
But was quite indescreet
With a lad in the fleet,
And was hanged by the ...er... neck in Granada.

29860 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  G1032



Children and mothers in fright
Huddling, their temples alight.
The explosions of glass!
A death knell, alas,
For millions...Dread, Damned Crystal-Night

29861 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Tutta Gioia



The robin said to his mate,
"It can't be something I ate.
It must be from germs,
Not the Diet of Worms
Martin Luther said was just great."

29862 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Dorman Grace John  P9504



I remember as autumn nights fall,
My springtime of cock and of ball.
My ruddy John Thomas
Made plenty of mamas;
My motto: FUCK ONE AND FUCK ALL!
(Don Juan speaks)
29863 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  G0062



Garibaldi gained global renown
Storming Sicily's shores for the crown.
His men wore shirts of red
To hide wounds when they bled;
On this basis, their trousers were brown.

29864 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Bob Giandomenico  P9502



Those "statesmen" who sat in Versailles
And carved Europe up like a pie,
Caused Adolf to rise
With his brown-shirted guys,
And declare "Deutschland wins the next try!"

29865 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  John E Mayhood



A lady from way down in Georgia
Became quite a notable forger.
But she faded from view
With a quaint I. O. U.
That she signed, "Miss Lucrezia Borgia."

29866 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Anon (Cerf) (Bibby)



Old Bill was in Moscow with Putin,
Debatin' with grins and refutin'
'Bout missles and stuff.
Will it be enough?
Our Chief needs the prayers of Rasputin!

29867 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Tiddy



Old Ras was not appreciated;
His monk-ing around was abated.
It has been reported
That someone resorted
To making his life 'breviated.

29868 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Travis Brasell



Discovered while harvesting barley,
With their hair all disheveled and gnarly,
"Young Nicholas II
Is my lover; It's true!"
Admitted Rasputin bizarrely.

29869 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Hugh Clary



Personally, it's Scotch I like best;
Without ice, as you probably guessed.
For other things Scotty
I'd really be dotty,
To be in the least bit impressed.

29870 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  OgniGioia



If it comes down to slinging the dirt,
Let's write of the highlander's skirt.
And Englishman true
All kilts would eschew,
If he's not a transvestite pervert.

29871 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Bob Mornington



Scots, what the hell with that Wallace,
And that bloody Bruce equally lawless?
Moping about,
So ready to pout!
Remember, you fought with Cornwallis!

29872 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  TuttaGioia



We Scots prefer to be called Scottish,
It's a subject that's often quite hottish!
The Scottish are kind,
But it's hard to find
Someone English who's not at all snottish!

29873 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  OgniGioia



When the Romans came over from Gaul,
They wisely built Hadrians's Wall.
So only England and Wales
And culture prevails;
The Scots weren't civilized at all.

29874 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Bob Mornington



The Feast of Saint Bunstable, brewer,
Is attended by hundreds, no fewer;
There stories are heard
How his sainthood occurred,
In versions both older and newer.

29875 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



Just as much of south Britain has claimed
Local towns once were Camelot named,
Or they had Merlin's cave
Or King Arthur's grave,
So this tale was on many sites blamed.

29876 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



But I choose to believe it was Erin,
County Limerick, or someplace therein,
That a monastic Celt,
Brother Bunstable, dwelt
At a hall many monks said their prayer in.

29877 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



For an abbey to stay spic-and-spandy,
Every monk at some task must be handy,
So this brother devine
Made the scrament wine...
And the beer...And the ale...And the brandy.

29878 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



The Fingalls (the Norse) had a liking
To go raiding -- as they called it, "Viking",
Once they'd sought out the word
Of this brewer they'd heard,
In order their drinks to be spiking.

29879 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



"Dear Monks," said the Vikings, "since you're
Supposed to be sober and pure,
We'll help you by taking
The brews you've been making...
For we've come to SACK you for sure!"

29880 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



While all of this trouble was stewing,
Our good brewer his duty was doing;
"I am PORTly and STOUT,
But I canna' run out
On all of these drinks I've been brewing."

29881 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



"Lest the Fingalls should pillage my store,
All the brews down my gullet, I'll pour!"
Thus he emptied the kegs,
Then on unsteady legs,
He confronted the Norse at the door.

29882 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



"Shtand back...men of war," he intoned,
"Shack my abbey?  I sahy you won't!
I am filled with the shpirit,
So don't you come near it,
Or I'll BREATHE on you -- shee if I don't."

29883 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



With these words, at their torches he blew;
And the fumes from his spiritous brew
Made a great ball of flame
So the thought to all came:
"He breathes fire!" -- and the Vikings withdrew!

29884 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



Now some say that ball of blue fire
Took Bustable higher and higher,
Till he vanished away,
In Heaven to stay:
A feat that we all may admire.

29885 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



But I heard that Bunstable stayed
On Earth, where he brewed and he prayed,
And lived out his days
In a jolly old haze,
And a well-preserved Abbot he made.

29886 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



When he passed, in reply to God's call,
The good monks of Saint Bunstable's hall
Laid their stout-hearted peer
To rest on his bier...
But his spirit's alive in us all.

29887 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  C M Joserlin



St. Valentine I would not fart on;
His life you don't want me to start on!
No stud, I'm afraid;
The man never got laid;
He just walked around with a heart on!

29888 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Jim Weaver Collection



Victorian folks were protected,
'Cause all nasty thoughts were rejected.
But all prudes forgot
A Trafalgary plot --
A column, in public erected.

29889 HISTORY - EUROPEAN  Bill Backe-Hansen  P8708



You may think this tale's from the grave-o,
The original's scrawled in a cave-o,
Set in 1914,
With Franz and his queen,
And he's shot in old Sarajevo.

29890 HISTORY - EUROPEAN



When Abelard near Notre Dame
Had taught his fair pupil the game,
Her uncle, the wag,
Cut off Peter's bag,
And his lectures were never the same.

29891 HISTORY - FRENCH  L1203



Abailardus of old Notre Dame,
Was proud of his scholarly fame,
'Til he got him a piece,
Of the canon's sweet niece,
And lost both his stones for the same.

29892 HISTORY - FRENCH



When her uncle caught up with poor Abelard,
Their romantic relations were rudely marred.
His efforts to please
The fair Heloise
Were restricted to leaving his card.

29893 HISTORY - FRENCH  Edwin L McFalls  P9008



There once was a warrior of France
Who ran off without any pants.
For he had been seen
Quite close to the Queen,
Brandishing his mighty lance.

29894 HISTORY - FRENCH  Anon



Says the Frenchman, "You'll pay us for sure."
Says the German, "We can't for we're poor."
So Fritz with a whine,
Sings "Watch on the Rhine,"
While Perrot sings, "Watch on the Ruhr."

29895 HISTORY - FRENCH  Joseph Kennedy



The French have so long proudly boasted
Themselves that they cannot be roasted.
Though typically pickled,
They still are quite tickled
Whenever they're glowingly toasted.

29896 HISTORY - FRENCH  John Miller



I guess that just everyone knewed,
The one that we Brits barbecued.
She tasted like pork,
That gal, Joan of Ork,
When frogs and us had a wee feud.

29897 HISTORY - FRENCH  Tiddy



Joan of Arc was renowned as a Maid.
That means she had never been laid.
She wore iron britches,
With stainless steel stitches,
Which is why she was never afraid.

29898 HISTORY - FRENCH



The parents of rowdy Jeanne d'Arc
Frowned on her ungirlish lark.
But what with the fame
She brought to their name,
Well you just couldn't keep it Darc.

29899 HISTORY - FRENCH  History Pun Chimera P0108



Too busy as savior of France,
No time did she have for romance.
At men in her town,
Joan saintly looked down,
Not seeing the bulge in their pants.

29900 HISTORY - FRENCH  Irving Superior  P9307



The English circle Joan of Arc
And then they light the fatal spark.
Outside the circle wait
Some French who urinate,
But none of them could reach the mark.

29901 HISTORY - FRENCH  Irving Superior  P9401



She again set the French Army straight
Which then showed the English the gate.
And drove them from France
By the curious chance
That St. Joan of Arc didn't menstruate.

29902 HISTORY - FRENCH  A. N. Wilkins  P8909



Joan of Arc was a frigid young bitch,
Her pussy gave never a twitch.
Refusing to whore,
She strode off to war,
And they burnt the poor girl as a witch.

29903 HISTORY - FRENCH  G0144



In Quebec, that impregnable fort,
There was wild merrymaking and sport;
Cried Moncalm in alarm,
"Mes amis, vite aux armes!
There's a terrible Wolfe a la porte!"

29904 HISTORY - FRENCH  Sylvia Mead, Victoria 42b



A fat fetid fart named Laval
Served Hitler instead of a gal.
One night down at Vichy
Adolf said, "It's too itchy--
Your moustache, my bisexual pal."

29905 HISTORY - FRENCH  G0992



AT Trafalgar, a jolly Jack Tar
Spotted Boney's fleet yon and afar.
Those afloat on that boat
Were not fooled by Red Coat;
The brown cords were favorite by far!

29906 HISTORY - FRENCH  Jim Weaver Collection



Madame Defarge found it neat
To knit while the blade kept the beat.
To spend Halloween
At the guillotine,
For her was a real tricot treat.

29907 HISTORY - FRENCH  History Pun Chimera P0108



Marie Antoinette, eating steak,
Was asked to give poor folk a break;
They were all out of bread,
So Marie smiled and said,
"I guess they can go eat some cake."

29908 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Albin Chaplin



Marie-Antoinette use to cash in
On her faded old charms, much in fashion.
From lovers and sweeties
She got favorable treaties
In the throes of testicular passion.

29909 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  G0146



"I think they should all have some cake,"
She said while she dined upon steak.
So they stormed the Bastille
In search of a meal,
And they gave her a pain in the neck.

29910 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Silvia S Crockett  P0103



Marie Antoinette, it is said
In reports from the land of the dead,
Suffers torturing ache
On a diet of cake,
While she yearns for a slice of French bread.

29911 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Laurence Perrine  P9004



Marie Antoinette got some heat
'Cause she thought unemployment was neat.
But she made a mistake;
She said "Let them eat cake."
And they threw her ass out in the street.

29912 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Anon



Marie Antoinette on her knees,
Her kerchief in hand whispers "Please",
(Kerplunk-guillotine)
Continues the queen,
"Do I have enough time to sneeze?"

29913 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Irving Superior



Dumb Dora -- Marie Antoinette.
Her "Let them eat cake." In effect,
If more sense she had,
She'd know just how bad
A nation with toothaches can get.

29914 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Irving Superior  P9003



If Marie Antoinette had been sly,
She'd have lived till the sweet by-and-bye.
She'd have saved her poor head
Through some mob head, instead,
If she'd only said, "Let them eat pie!"

29915 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Jim Weaver Collection



A farmer there was who read Dickens
To all of his cows and his chickes.
The hens seemed to hear
Marie Antionette with fear;
"Off with her head" made hearts quicken.

29916 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Jim Weaver Collection



"Oh yes," said Marie Antoinette,
"Dear Louis, I'm feeling quite wet.
It's not cake you eat,
Each time that we meet,
But pussy; come here, man, and get."

29917 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A



"And Lou, I find screwing so pleasant,
So don't pay no heed to those peasants.
You say they've been screwed,
But now they want food;
Like me, their demands are incessant."

29918 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A



History's mistakes are not mad;
The one you refer to is sad.
The story so bold
For a hundred years has been told
Before Marie was supposed to be bad.

29919 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  John Miller



This myth is almost superstition;
First told about a princess disposition,
With no proof at all.
Even she got the call
To answer questions of the Inquisition.

29920 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  John Miller



A revolution it could not really be called,
For innocents really got hauled.
They all got a trial
But all of the while,
Most of them wound up gutted and mauled.

29921 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  John Miller



To tell more of the French Revolution
Would prove to have no real solution,
For Louis and Marie
Were the targets, you see,
For the troubles and the French evolution.

29922 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  John Miller



Marie Antoinette must have been
Quite a strong breed of royal blue gene.
There just wasn't a way
To feel good on the day
She encountered a mean guillotine.

29923 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  Nawahl Razak



There have been many illustrious whores --
Salomes, Nell Gwyns, Pompadours --
But none so notorious,
So lovely and glorious
As the mistress of Louis Quatorze.

29924 HISTORY - FRENCH - MARIE A  G1889



Dick Dauntleess did deeds DERRING-DO,
He fought the French "froggies", a few;
In 1812 war
When old Nappy swore
He'd swallow the British Isles, too.

29925 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Chris Papa



It's bizarre," said Napoleon's wife,
"That we know nothing real about life.
This enveloping mystery
Makes us women feel sistery,
While our men tend to formulate strife."

29926 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  James Drinard  P9802



On a lavatory door, the top part,
After I had only managed to fart,
I spied written up there
"This is the place where
Napoleon pulled his bone apart."

29927 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Jim Weaver Collection



The peace talks went bad for 'Nap' Bonaparte,
When, once again, he couldn't control his fart.
The Duke (a bore)
Went on with the war;
The incident broke old Napoleon's heart.
(duke-a-bores - Canadian religious sect)
29928 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Mr. Blister



When she took off Napoleon's hat,
And his coat and his pants and all that,
What was left for her cunt
Was a circumcised runt
And some balls that were running to fat.

29929 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Thomas A. Quinine  P8303



When Boney ate out Josephine,
She wished Marshal Ney'd intervene.
"You're a Corsican twit
With a tiny took kit!
With Michel I'm a slot machine!"

29930 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  TuttaGioia



Napoleon just loved to conquer
Both countries and girls, the old wonker!
He'd show, for a start
His famed "bony part",
And when she surrendered, he'd bonk her.

29931 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  John E Mayhood



Napoleon conquered a slew
Till he lost his oasis - mon dieu!
Then along came a foe
Who compounded his woe -
And Bonaparte met Waterloo.
(Newsweek ad for Oasis water coolers)
29932 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  P8212



Bony said, "Merde!  Waterloo!
What in the hell could I do?
With Ney, that bean sprout,
Against that fat Kraut...
That Blucher, he really came through."

29933 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Raceway



Napoleon, with hand in his coat,
Stood glowering on the banks of a moat.
He'd just lost a battle
And grumped at his cattle,
"I feel a right tit -- Please take note."

29934 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Tony Davie



Napoleon was a quaint little runt;
He always was chasing some cunt.
But when he gained fame
Things weren't quite the same--
The cunt now came chasing the runt.

29935 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  G0147



I'll tell of a Corsican chap;
A strange little fellow called Nap.
Though almost a midget,
His genital digit
Would fill any young lady's gap.

29936 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON



He'd stand with his hand in his coat,
Or so the historians wrote,
Not over his heart,
But a far larger part -
Caressing the end of his choat.

29937 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON



He hated his women too clean,
When playing his games nost obscene,
To Josie he'd send
A note, by a friend,
"I'm coming; Don't wash, Josephine."

29938 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON



He called himself Emperor, and Queen;
Josie would still make him cream.
He'd come home and start
To flash his bony part,
And yelled "Twat tonight Josephine."

29939 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON



A military man, he was crushin'
The Austrians, Poles and the Prussians;
But over-extended,
His victories ended...
He lost 18-12 to the Russians.

29940 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON



But Nap didn't know he was through.
He thought one more campaign he could do.
So he hopped on a ship,
And gave Elba the slip.
Had a poor time at old Waterloo.

29941 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON



And I think that the message is clear.
You should stay home and use your love gear.
If with Josie he'd stayed,
And kept her legs splayed.
He would have had nothing to fear.

29942 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON



Napoleon stands hand in vest.
Though 'heartburn' is the friendly jest,
Perhaps he hold a glass
From which he drinks fast
When Josephine or Moscow stress.

29943 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Irving Superior  P8403



I recall having read in a tome,
When Napoleon practiced to roam,
"Josephine," he would say.
"Please don't use the bidet
Until long after I return home."

29944 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Loren C. Fitzhugh  P9706



Napoleon a weary being,
So "Not tonight," he Josephine'd.
Blown out of proportion
And into distortion,
To "Not tonight", he Josefiend.

29945 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Irving Superior  P8405



When Napoleon came back from the war,
He reached home and opened his front door.
"You're ill,"  Josie said,
"You must go straight to bed."
Nap said "Not tonight, dear, my head's sore."

29946 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Arthur Pattaffy



Said Welly to Nappy, "How do?
My lads here will stick it to you.
My well-known boot's
Going right up your shute.
Sorry son, this is your Waterloo.

29947 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Tony Burrell



Said Napoleon, "Zoot alors!
Never seen nothing like this before.
Hey, my Josephine!
Let us quit this scene.
These Brits're biting me to the corps."

29948 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Tony Burrell



"Jo, I'm off to the Elba, forthwith.
Can't find it in me to forgive.
If I'm to be exiled
Then I'll expect I'll
Need someone with whom I can live."

29949 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Tony Burrell



Said Josey, "Oh my Nappy dear,
I'll come with you and hold you near.
But you'll have to part
From that other tart
You've been screwing for almost a year."

29950 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Tony Burrell



"What, me be unfaithful to toi?
Why are you so cruel a' moi?
You know I am French.
Now you hear me, wench.
Bring me, toute de suite, Stella Artois!"

29951 HISTORY - FRENCH - NAPOLEON  Tony Burrell



The father of lovely Briseis
Sought her return from the dais.
Agamemnon said, "No!
I shall not let her go!
She both cute and a wonderful lay is."

29952 HISTORY - GREEK  Christian Kopff



Sing Goddess, the wrath of Achilles,
Which gave the Achaeans the willies.
And sent into hades
The numberless sha-dees
Of heroes laid under the lilies.
(shades - spirits)
29953 HISTORY - GREEK  Edwin E. Moise



Birds and doggies ate warriors, yea,
To give Zeus in Heaven his way.
So zero in now
And make the wild row
'Twixt King Ag and Achillies your lay.
(lay - narrative poem or ballad)
29954 HISTORY - GREEK  Peter Green



Who was it started their quarrels?
Apollo, the god with the laurels.
Since Chryses they slighted,
The army was blighted,
And Ag found his love-life in snarls.

29955 HISTORY - GREEK  Elizabeth Vandiver



He came to the ships of the Achaeans,
Singing some prayers and some paeans.
To ransom his daughter,
He went out and bought a
Big ransom to the rash Europeans.

29956 HISTORY - GREEK  Alexander Kozak



Said Chryses, "The God you will please
If my dear daughter you will release.
May you sieze Priam's town
And win much renown,
(And those are some good-looking greaves!).

29957 HISTORY - GREEK  Eric de Beus



And then the Greeks cried out in favor
To respect this entreating behavior,
But Ag on that day
Just sent him away,
With an order which made the priest quaver.

29958 HISTORY - GREEK  Scott Garner



Old Chryses was bad as his word.
He prayed, and Apollo he heard:
So the god was displeased
And the Argives diseased
Because Ag had done something absurd.

29959 HISTORY - GREEK  Brian Donovan



Achilles and Aggie for Briseis
Engaged in some mighty fierce disses
Over who'd say he won her,
Saved some of his honor,
And got to enjoy all her kisses.

29960 HISTORY - GREEK  David Snider



To Achilles as he sat in his tent,
Came an old King with his clothing rent.
Achilles said, "Priam
Is really like I am."
So he finally agreed to relent.

29961 HISTORY - GREEK  Kurt Bray



There was a young man from Thebes,
Who was just the perfect ephebe.
But Dionysus was mean,
Dressed him like a queen,
But at heart, he was really a plebe!
(ephebe - young man)
29962 HISTORY - GREEK  Martha Davis



There was a fine lady from Sparta,
Who behaved not as good as she oughter.
She eloped with a boy,
Took to living in Troy,
And presided over the slaughter.

29963 HISTORY - GREEK  Diane A. Svarlien



In assembly poor old Thersities
Had the brass to mouth off to the mighties.
When his hump got a whack,
He crept back to his shack
With an earful of monarchist pieties.

29964 HISTORY - GREEK  Bill Hutton



There was a young man from Troezen,
Who to Phaedra caused quite a commotion.
But women he hated,
And loudly berated,
So Poseidon sent a bull from the ocean.

29965 HISTORY - GREEK  Peter Green



There was a young man from Troezen,
Whose stepmother caused quite a scene.
He said "Yuck" as a jape,
She accused him of rape,
And a bull turned him into terrine.
(terrine - earthenware bowl, tureen)
29966 HISTORY - GREEK  Peter M. Green



There was a young man named Patroclus,
Who didn't see what the big joke was.
"Achilles," he said,
"I'll wear your gear instead.
If I don't, then the Trojans will choke us."

29967 HISTORY - GREEK  Diane A. Svarlien



There was an oaf called Theristes,
Who asked, "How will we fight these
Trojans when we
Are done death by degree
By leaders who are hypocrites.

29968 HISTORY - GREEK  Ed Nelson



Auf trat voll Hass der Thersites,
Sein unschoenes Aeussers verriet es.
Doch gegen Agamemnon sein Zorn
Ging durch Odysseus verlor'n
Bei dem Heer des Danaer-Gebietes.

29969 HISTORY - GREEK



That illustrious boy Alexander
Was, of all the known world, The Commander;
He said: "Country, or maiden,
If you'd be invadin',
Part flanks, and break ranks, and then land her!"

29970 HISTORY - GREEK  Robin K. Willoughby P8406



Simple living was clearly the nub
Of the teaching of one who could snub
Alexander the Great
With: "Move along, mate!
You are taking the sun off my tub."

29971 HISTORY - GREEK  Joyce Johnson



Archimedes, the early truth-seeker,
Leapt out of his bath, cried "Eureka!"
And ran half a mile,
Wearing only a smile,
Thus becoming the very first streaker.

29972 HISTORY - GREEK  Stanley J Sharpless



Archimedes' ordeal was a trial,
Which was nothing about which to smile.
By his works he was hurled
To the top of the world,
But began then his long downward spiral.

29973 HISTORY - GREEK  Loren Fitzhugh  P0109



In Peloponesia you
Should be quiet, if out of the blue
Comes a sudden loud shout
Of "Eureka!" No doubt
Archimedes is having his screw.

29974 HISTORY - GREEK  Peter Wilkins



When he demonstrated his lever,
There was none who was not a believer,
For he chose as his test
The use he thought best:
Its employment to pry open beaver.

29975 HISTORY - GREEK  Peter Wilkins



An ancient Greek prelate named Arius
Did something that proved tererarious;
Took a crap in the grass,
Blew a vein in his ass,
And died, showing life's sure precarious.
(founded Arian heresy)
29976 HISTORY - GREEK  Armand E Singer  249



Tragic plots concerned with ones rear,
In the end were especially dear
To old Aristotle,
Who sipped on a bottle
Of Ouzo, and found life quite queer.

29977 HISTORY - GREEK  Christian Kopff



P. Terentius Afer
Was a clever, contentious young gaffer;
He wrote several plays
Whose language we praise,
But he never was much of a laugher.

29978 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



On the other hand, Maccius Plautus
Never cared very much what he taught us,
And, as one might expect,
The comic effect,
Is worth very much more than the thought is.

29979 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



M. Terentius Varro
Was scholarly right to the marrow;
No man could make sport of;
He still was a sort of
Big bibliographical wheelbarrow.

29980 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



Q. Horatius Flaccus
Was as sharp as the point of a tack is;
He was fond of hell-raising,
And preaching and praising
Augustus and Venus and Bacchus.

29981 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



P. Vergilius Maro
Celebrated the plow and the barrow,
And lovers and cattle,
And more than one battle;
You can't say his interests were narrow.

29982 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



P. Ovidius Naso
Wrote of love as delectable play, so
The Emperor said,
With a shake of his head,
"It's true, but it's treason to say so."

29983 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



Here's to T. Lucretius Carus
Who cheers and consoles, from afar, us,
With his atoms pell-mell
Demonstrating that Hell
Can't ever conceivably char us.

29984 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



C. Plinius, surnamed Secondus,
Wrote at length about natural wonders;
He'd be very amazed
To find he's dispraised
For quite inexcusable blunders.

29985 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



D. Iunius Iuvenalis
Maintained a poetical gallows.
He was sure he was right
And took ample delight
In Envy and Hatred and Malice.

29986 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



C. Valerius Catullus
Found verse a great game, and a solace;
His love and his hate
Were equally great;
He was prickly as any portcullis.

29987 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



L. Annaeus Seneca
Was a master of things ecumenic; a
Brief letter from Nero
Reduced him to zero
Polypragmosynes dethen heneka.
(need translation for last line)
29988 HISTORY - GREEK  Sarah Aleshire



The typical Greek city-state
Had men of more substance and weight.
Where they had their Socrates,
We have mediocrities.
No wonder we're no longer great.

29989 HISTORY - GREEK  DC Dave



A Cretan without any couth,
He sentenced himself, and forsooth,
Epimenedes lied,
So he lived -- therefore, died;
So he must have been telling the truth!

29990 HISTORY - GREEK  Lassie's Lover  TP9901



There once was an island named Crete,
Whose people were somewhat effete.
When invaded by Greeks,
Inside of two weeks
The Cretan effete faced defeat.

29991 HISTORY - GREEK  Bob Maximoff  P9010



Said their Ruler, the wily old Midas,
"If those Greeks really hanker to fight us,
Call the Minotaur out--
Get that bellowing lout,
Though his bark may be worse than his bite is!"

29992 HISTORY - GREEK  Bob Maximoff  P9010



So they called through the Labryinth door,
"Oh you terrible, great Minotaur,
The Greeks storm our beach,
And we humbly beseech
That you drive them back off of our shore.

29993 HISTORY - GREEK  Bob Maximoff  P9010



Then out of the dark Labyrinth,
A delicate bull-man did minth.
He seized a young Greek--
They went off cheek to cheek,
And no one has heard from them thinth.

29994 HISTORY - GREEK  Bob Maximoff  P9010



Then all through the town of Knossos
A cry of despair loudly gnaws us.
The people fell down
In the streets of the town
And expired of collective thrombossos.

29995 HISTORY - GREEK  Bob Masimoff  P9010



Diogenes lived in a tub,
A think-tank, and place for a scrub.
When the Cynic got out,
He started to doubt:
Was the dirt in or out? That's the rub!

29996 HISTORY - GREEK  Drogo Montagu  P9709



Phryne was a harlot unchaste
Who Greek playwrights futtered in haste.
What delighted Euripides
Were her swelling callipyges,
And her asshole assorted (to taste).
(callipygian - nice looking ass)
29997 HISTORY - GREEK  G1881



The Greek Argonauts said, "It forebodes
Though its style does reflect our proud modes.
Watching over our fleet
Yet maintaining dry feet,
We've nicknamed it 'Galoshes of Rhodes'."

29998 HISTORY - GREEK  Loren C Fitzhugh  P9803



To the ancient Greek writer, Herodotus,
Said a pretty young thing, "My, how hard it is."
Said he, "Do you fear
I will hurt you, my dear?"
And she said, "Are you crazy?  Thank God it is!"

29999 HISTORY - GREEK  Isaac Asimov



While Homer was writing the Illiad,
He went quite as balmy as Gilead.
But his doctor was sure
He'd effect a quick cure,
With the aid of a marvelous pill he had.

30000 HISTORY - GREEK  Jim Weaver Collection



Said the doctor, (no common clod he)
"We will soon sound mind and body see."
And the doctor was right,
For the very next night,
Old Homer embarked on the Oddessy.

30001 HISTORY - GREEK  Jim Weaver Collection



A young trollop named Lysistrata's
A habit of giving head gratis.
We hear her enthuse,
"I give thanks to Zeus,
That my mouth's not as loose as my twat is!"

30002 HISTORY - GREEK  Conch  TP9901



Tired of the quarrel with self, I
Toiled up to that high mountain shelf: I
Gazed down at a world
Where no self lay furled,
And rejoiced to hear no voice from Delphi.

30003 HISTORY - GREEK  Conrad Aiken



The Oracle of Delphi, ambiguous,
Would often use misleading figuous
Of speech to confuse
Beseechers of views,
Whose skepticism was none too meticulous.

30004 HISTORY - GREEK  Dan McKinnon



As Persians faced Spartans, aspersions
Were cast at the morals of Persians.
As Persians these rancid
Aspersions they answered.
(Thermopylae -- see Persian version)

30005 HISTORY - GREEK  Irving Superior  P8406



The haughty philosopher, Plato,
Would unbend to a sweet young tomato.
Though she might be naive,
Like you wouldn't believe,
He would patiently show her the way to.

30006 HISTORY - GREEK  Isaac Asimov



A Greek chap called Aristophanes
Went to a whore and said "If you please,
There's no way I can pay
But I'll write you a play
If you will go down on your knees"

30007 HISTORY - GREEK



What Greeks did, I'm sure will astound;
An act of waste I find profound.
To appease the Gods,
They acted like clods;
Poured alcohol over the ground.

30008 HISTORY - GREEK  Chris Papa



Oh Diane, you were always an eye-tease,
And now this trick test on Thersites!
No nighties is fine
For the final punch line,
What with high teas, pyrites, Stylites!

30009 HISTORY - GREEK  Peter Green



That naughty old Sappho of Greece,
Said: "What I prefer to a piece,
Is to have my pudenda
Rubbed hard by the enda
The little pink nose of my niece."

30010 HISTORY - GREEK  Norman Douglas  L0402



Said Sophocles, putting his X
To the contract for Oedipus Rex,
"I predict it will run
Until the Year One,
If the shooting script plays up the sex."

30011 HISTORY - GREEK  John Ciardi



When Theocritus guarded his flock,
He piped in the shade of a rock.
It is said that his Muse
Was one of the ewes,
With a bum like a pink hollyhock.

30012 HISTORY - GREEK  L0600



An elegist name of Evenus,
Avoided themes sacred to Venus.
"While the hoi palloi
Cry 'I want a boy!'
My verse tickles the brain, not the penis."
(elegist - one who writes eulogies)
30013 HISTORY - GREEK



Through the years have we been put upon
By tale tellers, or will the truth dawn?
Do you think or suppose
That someone will expose
Where six of the "World's Wonders" have gone?

30014 HISTORY - GREEK  Loren Fitzhugh



Agamemnon, the top ranking Greek,
To Achilles in anger did speak.
They argued a lot;
Agamemnon grew hot
And Achilles stamped off in a pique.

30015 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Jim Weaver Collection



There was a young man named Achilles
Whose wrongs always gave him the willies,
So he sulked in his tent
Like a half-witted gent;
Say, wasn't them heroes the sillies.

30016 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Edwin Meade Robinson



The greatest of heroes was Achilles
Who gave all the bad guys the willies.
But pity the ladies,
He preferred his maties,
Which, if you ask me, was just plain sillys.

30017 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Lynn Mostafa



There once was a terror of Troy
Who liked a Patricular boy.
Achilles and Pat
Were much closer than that,
For Pat was his fun little toy.

30018 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Shannon Paul



Some in life are dealt a raw deal;
They suffer too much, I do feel.
It gives me the willies
To think that Achilles
Looked like a God, acted like a heel.

30019 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN



If we let the Greeks, in we're insane,
Was Helen's consistent refrain.
"I fear men will flay us,
I fear men will slay us,
But mostly I fear the lance pain."  (Menalaus)

30020 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tom Patton  P0306



That Helen of Troy was insane;
Concussion had addled her brain,
Through bashing her brows
Against those ships' bows,
But look how it saved on champagne.

30021 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy



Helen of Troy launched a thousand ships;
Wasn't known for her merry quips.
When her sailor boys
Shouted their ahoys,
"Just look at the size of those hips!"

30022 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tony Burrell



Concupiscent Helen of Troy
Said "Sex is a thing to enjoy..."
The erogenous regions
Lure Trojans by legions...
If not to a girl, to a boy!"

30023 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Grand Prix Lim  122



Hear the legend of Helen of Troy,
Who could piss further than any boy.
One evening a guy
Got it right in the eye;
A princess is never a toy.
(I don't get this one - McW)
30024 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Chairman Steve



It's the ancient of which I'm a-telling
Of that smart bit of crumpet, Queen Helen.
To Paris she went,
And a fine time was spent;
When she came back her belly was swellin'.

30025 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



Agamemnon, or perhaps Menelaus,
Said: "We'll get this bloke Troy, make him pay us.
We'll sail up the Seine,
And beat out his brain,
And we'll get all those frogs to obey us."

30026 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



Four hundred old boats sailed that day.
(A thousand ships? Never. no way.)
To Lesbos they sailed;
At seduction they failed;
'Twas the first time they'd met ladies gay.

30027 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



So they carried on down through the Med,
With never a woman to wed,
Except Helen the queen,
And they knew where she'd been,
So they made do with barrels instead.

30028 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



When they came to the straits of Gibraltar,
Their orders they checked, and did falter.
Destination was Troy,
Not Paris! With annoy-
ance their course they were forced thus to alter..

30029 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



So finally reaching the port,
The one they at first should have sought,
They scrambled ashore,
To the city they tore,
And many a battle was fought.

30030 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



Then Achilles or one of that crowd,
Of down-at-heel no-goods, cried loud:
"We can stop this damned war,
If we build us a whore,
Out of wood, and just leave  as if  cowed.

30031 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



"Inside it we'll stuff our dear queen,
She's as raddled as that queer old dean,
They'll take in the box,
And they'll all get the pox,
'Cos she'll roger them all she's so keen."

30032 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



So the Trojans all dived in her ditch,
And their cocks soon developed an itch,
Of the pox they all died,
And the greeks marched inside,
On account of that randy old bitch.

30033 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



Menelaus, or perhaps  Agamemnon,
Soon found a new partner to lie on.
As implied at the start,
Not a nice looking tart,
But Paris's ten year old grandson.

30034 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  Tiddy Ogg



It stood there and did nothing, of course;
A harmless and still wooden horse.
But the minimal action
Was just a distraction.
The plan involved no use of force.

30035 HISTORY - GREEK - TROJAN  David Morin



Years ago, I walked uphill to school,
Ten miles through the snow like a fool,
With no shoes on my feet
In pants with no seat,
And gladly ate their dirt-based gruel.

30036 HISTORY - PERSONAL



When I was a boy, poor as dirt,
My gut was so empty it hurt.
And when I would spasm
Each night from orgasm,
I couldn't afford the damn squirt!

30037 HISTORY - PERSONAL  Travis Brasell



So, hungry, I took to my bed,
Put my feet up over my head.
I made such a racket,
When my pud I did jack it,
At orgasm, I was well fed.

30038 HISTORY - PERSONAL  CM



We could not afford, me and pap,
A shithouse wherein we could crap.
You may think it shocking;
While Granny was rocking,
We'd go dump the lot in her lap.

30039 HISTORY - PERSONAL  Tiddy Ogg



What you did was run-of-the mill,
For poor folks like us on the hill;
In fact, it's the way
We do dumps today,
Except Granny's sitting dead still.

30040 HISTORY - PERSONAL  Travis Brasell



When I think of my humble abode,
You both were with fortune bestowed.
And I envy your jaunties,
Since our house was like Monty's
Poor Scotsman, a box on the road.

30041 HISTORY - PERSONAL  Hugh Clary



There was an old fellow named Hayes
Who lived through some very tough days.
To school he would go
Several miles in the snow --
And the journey was uphill both ways!

30042 HISTORY - PERSONAL  Keith Gilman  P0202



An amnesiac Roman named Bru
Moaned softly, "I haven't a clue
Who on Earth I can be --
I have no ID --
Cogito sum ergo, but who?"

30043 HISTORY - ROMAN  Island Singer



Hadrian mourned with a sigh and a frown:
"Antinous! Ah, why did he drown!
For this world, was too fair,
Has rejoined gods of air!"
(It hurt him too much to sit down.)

30044 HISTORY - ROMAN  Vassar W. Smith  P9308



The Romans, those engineer souls,
Wanted water to wash down their rolls,
So they built those antiques.
And when they sprang leaks,
The just aqueduct-taped the holes.

30045 HISTORY - ROMAN  Anon



The ancient and curious Gauls
Had huge hexahedronical balls.
Regarded as omens
Of doom by the Romans,
Who quaked at the size of their smalls.

30046 HISTORY - ROMAN  Peter Wilkins



Caligula's steed, you know,
Held public office, although
We never have been
That lucky again,
To have an entire horse so.

30047 HISTORY - ROMAN  History Pun Chimera P0108



Said Calpurnia, "Though I must render
Unto Caesar, the brunt of my gender,
A few side effects
Are permitted my sex,
When we're feeling illegally tender."

30048 HISTORY - ROMAN  John Ciardi



One day in the Roman arena,
The proconsul's wife, Cartagena,
Cried out "Stop the slaughter!
I want for my daughter,
That slave. Issue now a sub-poena."

30049 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



So though he was dressed in a rag,
They grabbed hold the lad for to drag
Him off to the palace,
To have there his phallus
Examined by the warty old hag. ('Gena?)

30050 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



She flicked it with huge feather duster,
And shortly she had to adjust her
Gaze, as his thing, now once so thin,
Grew, aimed at his chin.
She muttered, "I think he'll pass muster."

30051 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



He went where her young daughter lay,
And many's the game they would play.
She loved forms of sex,
Like LXIX,
But best loved the Appian Way.

30052 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



So life now was great for our hero.
His chances of death now near zero,
As long as his churn
Makes Lydia burn.
He fiddled much better than Nero.

30053 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



The Roman Emperor Claudius was devious
And would stammer and dribble most grevious.
But these things, though uncouth,
Were like Goodness and Truth,
When compared to the Emperor previous.
(Claudius's predecessor was Caligula)
30054 HISTORY - ROMAN



Cleopatra was so down and bitter,
After Mark Antony quit her,
That with her last gasp,
She said, "Kiss my asp,"
And died from a bite by this critter.

30055 HISTORY - ROMAN  Ron Ecker



With Egypt in its final gasp,
And Rome no longer in her grasp,
One resource left--
Her bosom cleft--
As slowly Cleo loosed the hasp.

30056 HISTORY - ROMAN  Irving Superior  P9401



Cleopatra, the queen of the Nile,
Fooled Caesar with overmuch guile.
Her titties were stunning,
Her pussy was cunning,
Which diverted his interests awhile.

30057 HISTORY - ROMAN  G0141



The Emperor Marcus Aurelius
Said that when we feel, it's not really us.
Yet I suppose
That a smack on the nose,
We'd have thought was a bit contumelious.
(contumelious - puffed-up, arrogant speech)
30058 HISTORY - ROMAN  Yorick



The emperor called Diocletian
Favored girls like those painted by Titian.
In war foes would fear
His attack from the rear;
He also made love like a Grecian.

30059 HISTORY - ROMAN  Arnie Schoenbrun  P0212



Old Pontius instilled abject fear;
As a Pilate, he was without peer.
Was he sent back to Rome?  No!
Yet he said, "Ecce Homo!"
Did he think Jesus Christ was a queer?

30060 HISTORY - ROMAN  Anon



That infamous Emperor Nero
Was hardly your average gent's hero.
Scaled up one to ten,
As judged by most men,
He'd probably rate a flat zero.

30061 HISTORY - ROMAN  Armand E Singer  907



He made of his penis
A libation to Venus,
(Or was it Cybele?)
He became quite dribbley;
Nappies kept him cleanest.

30062 HISTORY - ROMAN  Jim Jambor  P9107



The gladiators, heads held high,
Cry, "We who are about to die
Salute you but forgive
The half who will live
For telling such a naughty lie."

30063 HISTORY - ROMAN  Irving Superior  P9401



The Greeks sure were smart in their day;
An empire whose goal was to play;
Great was their home,
Then here came old Rome
And wiped that Greek Empire away!

30064 HISTORY - ROMAN  Travis Brasell



You'll read in the "Decline and Fall"
That Romans were not lewd at all.
If depravity you seek,
Then turn to things Greek;
Athenians may answer your call.

30065 HISTORY - ROMAN  Bob Mornington



A Roman of old, named Horatio,
Was fond of a form of fellatio.
He kept accurate track
Of the boys he'd attack,
And called it his cocksucking ratio.

30066 HISTORY - ROMAN  L0405



At a consul's election, a quorum
Lacked a Senator, Rex Asinoruin.
So they asked in a note
How he wanted to vote.
His laconic reply was "I'm Forum."

30067 HISTORY - ROMAN  Williams Purple Cow P0007



I come to deep-six Brother Caesar,
Not praise the ambitious old geezer.
His good works are gone,
But his evil lives on.
Now that, friends, should be a crowd pleaser.

30068 HISTORY - ROMAN  Lassies Lover



Said Nero to one of his train,
"These Christians will surely refrain,
Encased as the are
In coatings of tar,
From burning my city again."

30069 HISTORY - ROMAN



For the next Games' finale, the hero,
Gets a crack at the Empress's zero,
While the emperor stands by,
Swinging out "Traumerei",
On his flame-throwing fiddle,
  Signed, Nero.
30070 HISTORY - ROMAN



Consider the Emperor Nero,
Of many lewd tales he's the hero.
Though he scraped at the fiddle,
He just couldn't diddle,
And his real batting average was zero.

30071 HISTORY - ROMAN  Anon  G0140



An old Roman emperor named Nero
Was considered by some as their hero.
His esteem could've gone higher,
But because of the fire,
His popularity dropped to a zero.

30072 HISTORY - ROMAN  Arthur Pattaffy



Said Nero, just after the fire,
"These viol rumors stir up my ire!
When the government's got
In a spot that's too hot,
We employ a believable lyre."

30073 HISTORY - ROMAN  History Pun Chimera P0108



Erupting volcanoes, the skinny,
As written by young Roman, Pliny;
His uncle was fried
In lava and died,
While learning and never a NINNY.

30074 HISTORY - ROMAN  Elois



Old Pontius instilled abject fear;
As a Pilate, he was without peer.
Was he sent back to Rome?  No!
Yet he said, "Ecce Homo!"
Did he think that Christ (Jesus) was queer?

30075 HISTORY - ROMAN  Anon



I think that to make things here clea-a',
Pronouncing the strange name, Poppea,
To make scansion true,
Stress syllable two
Of her name, be it ever so quee-a.

30076 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



And as for the speech that I quoote,
The point of the scansion is moot.
Just think of it thus,
And then start to cuss,
And finish the verse with "Toot-toot."

30077 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



I'll tell you the tale of Poppea,
The mistress that Nero thought dear.
She's mean and she's vicious,
But looks quite delicious,
And took it in front or in rear.

30078 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



The emperor's aim was quite rough,
He'd oft stick her ass, not her muff.
But as he would say,
As on her he'd lay,
"Gee Honey, that's quite Nero-nuff.

30079 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



"I'm Poppea, Roman Queen,
And yes, perhaps a little mean;
I pushed out Octavia,
'Cause I had more flavia,
And got to be Nero's new queen."

30080 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



Young Poppea lurked round the docks,
As cunning as any old fox,
Accosting the barges,
And quoting the charges
She'd make for fellating their cox.

30081 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



"I'm Poppea, Sailor man,
For big boys like you I scan.
I've orifi plenty
For such handsome gentry,
Come try, any way that you can."

30082 HISTORY - ROMAN  Tiddy Ogg



Q. Flaccus in his third liber:
"The Romans have no woodpulp fiber.
A crapulent quorum
Will squat in the Forum
And heave dirty stones in the Tiber."

30083 HISTORY - ROMAN  L0711



When Rome was invaded by Vandals,
They stole all the lamp oil and sandals.
The Romans made wicks
To stick in their pricks,
And barefoot, became Roman candles.

30084 HISTORY - ROMAN  Prof



The babe had a blouse that was frilly,
With a bosom so pleasantly hilly,
That I thought of my Latin,
When I felt myselft fatten,
And offered my membrum virile.

30085 HISTORY - ROMAN  Jeanie



it occurred on a paved Roman iter,
And I heard that her pussy was tighter
Than ten peas in a pod,
And our Hugh, the old sod,
Screwed so long that he pulled an all-nighter.

30086 HISTORY - ROMAN  Jeanie



Old Arch didn't want to deceive her
'Cause he truly loved her sweet beaver.
Then he, circumspecting,
Hugh volume detecting,
Decided he'd love her and leave her.

30087 HISTORY - ROMAN  Jeanie



Her advances, she felt, were in vain
And she thought that perhaps he'd disdain
Some connubial yoga.
The bulge in his toga,
However, showed him inclined, plain.

30088 HISTORY - ROMAN  Scott C



In ancient Rome each convict tries
To please the mob or he dies.
Thumbs down and he's dead;
Thumbs up means instead
That him the mob will lionize.

30089 HISTORY - ROMAN  Irving Superior  P8912



Tiberius sat on his patio,
And said, "I don't care for fellatio,
Nor yet cunnilingus
Or whatever the thing is--
This headwork is mighty damn rash o' you!"

30090 HISTORY - ROMAN  L1649



'Tis said that the Emperor Titius,
Had a penchant for pleasantries vicious.
He took two of his nieces,
And fucked them to pieces,
And said it was simply delicious.

30091 HISTORY - ROMAN  L0352 G0589



A flatulent Roman named Titus,
Was taken with sudden colitis.
And the venerable Forum
Lost most of its quorum,
As he farted up half of the situs.

30092 HISTORY - ROMAN



A man called Andronicus (Titus)
Had a nasty attack of colitis;
It began with meat pies,
And the issuing cries
Of his sons, saying,"Daddy, don't bite us."

30093 HISTORY - ROMAN  Paul Wigmore



When Vespasian the senate did stand,
To tell him of a statue they planned,
Huge and costly, of him.
But he said with a grin,
Here's the plinth, as he held out his hand.
(plinth - lowest member of a pedestal)
30094 HISTORY - ROMAN



They said to Vespasian, "Good grief!
Pay toilets in Rome?  Past belief!"
Yet what other time
Has the state made a dime
From a project for public relief?

30095 HISTORY - ROMAN  History Pun Chimera P0108



When Vespasian's son did opine:
"Your latrine tax is way out of line!"
He asked him to tell
If the takings did smell.
He said no, "Yet it comes from urine."

30096 HISTORY - ROMAN



When at long last he laid down the rod,
Vespasian said something quite odd.
As his life slipped away,
He was just heard to say,
"Dear me!  I'm becoming a god!"

30097 HISTORY - ROMAN



Friend Brutus on that fateful day,
An ambush for Caesar, did lay.
Though warned in advance,
He still took a chance;
His last words were "Et tu, Brute?"

30098 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Gifford Wherry



England was grabbed by Julius Caesar,
A conquering Roman type geezer.
Boudicca saw him,
Made a play for him;
He thought she was some kind of greaser.

30099 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Tony Burrell



He said, "I'm a man of refinement;
I like to enjoy all my time spent.
Take your muddy bike
And go for a hike.
I will not put you in confinement.

30100 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Tony Burrell



Boudicca heaved one of her sighs;
On this Roman there were no flies.
With hate in her heart,
"I'll put blades on my cart,
And that will cut him down to size."

30101 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Tony Burrell



Boudicca she charged down the road,
Blades shining, boobs covered in woad.
She just should have kissed him;
Her chariot missed him;
All that she chopped was a toad.

30102 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Tony Burrell



Boudicca said, "Now that I've started,
I'm determined that he should be carted."
Though so hard she tried,
He just stepped aside;
Poor Boudy, she died broken hearted.

30103 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Tony Burrell



Cleopatra's sweet pussy would clasp
The Nile's biggest venomous asp.
But Caesar burned ships
While humping her hips;
We should drink to his health till we gasp!

30104 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Hugh Clary



The Ides of March Roman CABAL,
To Julius gave a grand mal.
The seizure of Caesar
At Brutus's leisure,
Introduced Rome's Rise and Fall.

30105 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Jim D



An epitaph unknown to fame
Puts the slogan of Caesar to shame.
The tomb of a rake,
Who spent life on the make,
Reads: "I saw, I conquered, I came."

30106 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  G0583A



I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came!

30107 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Anon  G0583



Though the nations all feared Caesar's name,
Not just war, but in love he won fame.
Said the Queen of the Nile,
"I admired his style,
For he saw and he conquered and came."

30108 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Albin Chaplin  3024-0273



When Caesar stepped in the Queen's tent,
She quickly divined his intent.
Erect and unbowed
Straight forward he plowed --
He saw and he conquered and went.

30109 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Albin Chaplin  3024-0351



Julius Caesar would screw a fine quorum,
Of girls in the old Roman Forum.
He made watchers pay,
Or else turn away.
Thus conducting the show with decorum.

30110 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Isaac Asimov



What word sent he home, mighty Caesar,
To the city of Rome to appease her?
Not "I came, saw, and conquered" --
But concordantly structured:
Eye sees her! I, Caesar! Aye, seize her!

30111 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Laurence Perrine  P9004



When Brutus, that jolly old teaser,
Told a joke to a regal old geezer,
In the shade of an arch
On the ides of March,
"Tee hee, Brute," said Caesar.

30112 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Cybergeezer



Across the Rubicon broods Caesar,
"My legions urge me, 'Caesar, seize her!
Seize Rome and be boss.'
If this river I cross
And Rome's destroyed, they'll call me 'CEASER.'"

30113 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Irving Superior  P8401



Caesar was man of the day.
Make him Emperor, some senators say.
But Cassius's knife
Cost him his life
Aided by Et Tu Brutae.

30114 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Fred Cohen  P8412



With epileptic Caesar sure
His seizures seldom would recur,
Then on the Ides, a fit!
His friends, observing it,
Thought acupuncture was the cure.

30115 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Irving Superior  P8512



Cleopatra appeared at the border,
And telling the queen he adored her,
It was Caesar who came,
Saw, and conquered the dame.
But probably not in that order.

30116 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  A. N. Wilkins  P8405



There was a young man in our section
Who began an immoral collection.
He had great Caesar's balls,
Which he hung on his walls,
And the tool of Don Juan in cross-section.

30117 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  G2501



Calpurnia lived quite a life:
She would masturbate with a sharp knife.
Or have sex with a bear
While her husband would stare,
Mumbling something about Caesar's wife.

30118 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  G2401



When Calpurnia wed Julius Caesar,
He swore that he always would please her:
"Every day of her life
I'll make love to my wife --
That is, if I don't predecease her.

30119 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  John E Mayhood



Then Calpurnia said, "Very well,
But he often goes off for a spell.
Though he's one of a kind,
I have others in mind
Who know how to kiss and not tell".

30120 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  John E Mayhood



"Why do men always make such a pother
Over something that's really no bother.
I have good fun in bed
And as someone has said,
It's a wise child that knows its own father".

30121 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  John E Mayhood



You men chase young girls without stopping
And boast of your score in "bed-hopping".
Well, we've news for you,
All us girls do it too,
But we call it "comparative shopping!"

30122 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  John E Mayhood



Thus and so, from Time's very beginning,
There has been some occasional sinning;
Some lose and some gain
But the meaning is plain,
The DNA knows that it's winning.

30123 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  John E Mayhood



Cleopatra and Mark Anthony,
Made Julius C. history.
She said, "He's a jerk,
Who knows not how to ferk --
Because he always comes before me!"

30124 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR



Today Caesar's phrase we will borrow,
No decision off till "tomorrow";
Uncertainty lost,
Once RUBICON's crossed,
You're on road to great joy or sorrow.

30125 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Chris Papa



By toga stripes Romans were classed;
Knights narrow and senators vast.
But the purple put on
At the Rubicon,
Was solid, for the dye was caste.

30126 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  History Pun Chimera P0108



At an orgy, old Julius Caesar,
Met a virgin and tried hard to please her.
She said: "My name's Mini,
Are you pleased to see me?
Or is that just the tower of Pisa?"

30127 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Jon Naismith  P2006



Caesar was a great fornicator;
His soldiers all did cheer him later.
He invited them all
Cleopatra to ball,
And before the gang bang, gladiator.

30128 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR



Poor Julius was hung like a gnome,
And sowed his wild oats out of Rome.
But after his asp
Slipped from Cleo's grasp,
He did all his wanking at home.

30129 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR



Re: Julius Caesar: Of all men he
Led a life that was so "molto mene".
Upon being smitten
By Cleo, sex kitten,
He orated "Vidi, vici, vene!"

30130 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Macsam



Though Caesar was quite a barbarian,
His huge cock gave most gals an ovarian.
When too small was her yummy,
He'd go in through her tummy,
Creating the world-famous Caesarian!"

30131 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Jim Weaver Collection



The populous shoulted "Hail Caesar!"
But what if they knew this old geezer
Ran 'round in his toga,
Not practicing yoga,
But pinching the Vestals with tweezers.

30132 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Ystap



J. Caesar was really a guy;
He was hetero, homo, and bi.
He could have or be had
By a lass or a lad,
Or even by both when he'd try.

30133 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Jim Weaver Collection



When Caesar to his home returned,
The republic idea he spurned.
So Brutus and co.
Killed him off, don't you know;
What a lesson that poor Caesar learned!

30134 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR



Caesar, aware of fame's call,
At forty was nowhere at all.
"It seems," he said
"That getting ahead
Is going to need plenty of gall."

30135 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  History Pun Chimera P0108



With VENI V. VICI used in the past
On Rubicon's crossing, THE DIE IS CAST.
The great Julius C.
"That's two out of three.
I'm saving, of course, ET TU for last".

30136 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Irving Superior



At an orgy, old Julius Caesar,
Met a virgin and tried hard to please her.
She said, "My name's Mimi,
Are you pleased to see me,
Or is that just the Tower of Pisa."

30137 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Bill Wall



Old Julius Caesar won fame
One night, for seducing a dame.
He went on to write
What happened that night:
I saw, I conquered, I came.

30138 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Tiddy Ogg



He met a really fine young dame;
He saw, he conquered, the came.
She wanted some more,
Right there on the floor;
If she's pregnant, he'd not take the blame.

30139 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Enema Bandit



The greatest of Romans was Caesar,
A venturesome whoring old geezer.
From girls far from home,
He brought back to Rome
A Veni -- Vici -- VD fever.

30140 HISTORY - ROMAN - CAESAR  Irving Superior  P9004



In the 40's, a war synonym,
Though the early parts looked pretty grim,
But it came to pass
That we kicked Hitler's ass,
And took names on the Pacific rim.

30141 HISTORY - U.S.



In the 50's, economy grew,
But the cold war was starting to brew.
In my early classes,
We kissed our own asses
Goodbye as the atom bomb flew.

30142 HISTORY - U.S.  Cybe R Wizard



In the 90's, our President's cheating
Had 'most the whole country repeating.
And Dolly, the clone
Was complete from the bone
All the way down to the bleating.

30143 HISTORY - U.S.  Cybe R Wizard



Abigail Adams' quick wit
Sparkles in letters she writ;
To hubby and son
Wrote "Virtue is won
When to a great cause you commit."

30144 HISTORY - U.S.  Tutta Gioia



I think it was Dewey who said,
As the battle raged all around his head,
"Where's your 'esprit de corps?'
Let's go -- damn the tor-
Pedoes, fellows, and full speed ahead!"

30145 HISTORY - U.S.  Robin K. Willoughby P8406



At the Alamo Mrs. Laport
Was expected to be a good sport;
She elected to sock it
To the others and Crockett --
But discovered it wan't their fort.

30146 HISTORY - U.S.  Thomas A. Quinin  P8405



To beat up the red-coated British
Was Washington's principle fetish,
Compounding the follies
Of General Cornwallis
With tactics King George thought quite shitish.

30147 HISTORY - U.S.  Hugh Oliver  A135B



Ben Franklin, our elder statesman:
Today his writings Boston would ban
In the dark, cats are gray
(And he liked it that way)
Ben Franklin was a dirty old man.

30148 HISTORY - U.S.



"Early rising," Ben Franklin once said,
"Makes for health, wealth, and wisdom," I've read.
Those who bed or rise late
I suppose have the fate
Of winding up poor, dumb, and dead.

30149 HISTORY - U.S.  Bob Giandomenico  P9004



The notorious Benedict Arn-
old was first in a line of consarn'
Low-down traitors and spies,
Which our country now fries;
In the past, they were hanged in a barn.

30150 HISTORY - U.S.  Robin K. Willoughby P8603



"For me," Anne said, "sex is perennial.
And fills me with pleasures millennial.
On the Fourth of July
With my two-hundredth guy,
I have marked my great land's bicentennial."

30151 HISTORY - U.S.  Isaac Asimov  P8208



Now I know why they reenact
That party in Boston; they lacked,
Being very austere,
Interaction all year,
But in Concord they've counterattacked.

30152 HISTORY - U.S.



In Boston, there was a party,
In seventeen seventy three.
And our British pals
(Though, be it with scowls),
Quite kindly provided the tea!

30153 HISTORY - U.S.  Observer



We threw a party in Boston,
Despite all the trouble and costin',
We charged for the scones
And the Indian clones,
But the tea -- that we happily tossed in.

30154 HISTORY - U.S.  Dennis Hammes



Years ago, back in New Amsterdam
The Dutch worked one hell of a scam,
Saying, "For your land's deeds,
We'll trade you glass beads."
All without so much as, "Thank you, ma'am."

30155 HISTORY - U.S.  Loren Fitzhugh



Lee answered the South's strident call,
He marched o'er the Maryland wall.
He came with his horse,
And his best foot, of course,
Into Frederick, the next town to fall.

30156 HISTORY - U.S.  Peter Matthews



Now a lady of Frederick call Barb,
Cared not that the men came to rob.
With Old Glory in hand,
She overlooked the band;
The flag they saluted with sobs.

30157 HISTORY - U.S.  Peter Matthews



Barbara Fritchie's grey head lived on too,
In a legend that grew and it grew.
Which goes only to show,
If you wanted to know,
That men to their flag will be true.

30158 HISTORY - U.S.  Peter Matthews



To the Limey who notes with disdain,
At the lack of a British Domain,
May he be reminded by us
He can tour Yorktown by bus,
And view Cornwallis' claim to fame.

30159 HISTORY - U.S.  MaryMac



Give three cheers for the Emperor Norton
Who breathed fire and always was snortin'
About ghosts in the air,
And things that weren't there,
And other phenomena Fortan.
(Emperor Norton of San Francisco was a little crazy)
30160 HISTORY - U.S.  Neal Wilgus  P8308



Land-owners with heads in the sand
Bought slaves for their plantations grand.
But soon fate did decree
That the slaves should be free,
And the slaves then took over the land.

30161 HISTORY - U.S.  Albin Chaplin



The Mayflower's minute immigration
Appears to have peopled this nation;
Which in turn would suggest
That the Pilgrims at best
Were a people of fast fornication.

30162 HISTORY - U.S.  Hugh Oliver  A135A



The Picket Act of Ninteen Ten
Let Taft, with the stroke of a pen,
Reserve oil and gas
And hold this rich stash
Exclusively for Navy men.

30163 HISTORY - U.S.  Marlene Lewis



The withdrawal of Federal land
Can frequently get out of hand.
Some must be preserved;
So much is reserved,
All that we have left is some sand.

30164 HISTORY - U.S.  Marlene Lewis



Here's a question which still confounds me
But its answer I hope yet to see.
Our Forbears took great pains
To strike off England's chains,
But from what is a "Free Mason" free?

30165 HISTORY - U.S.  Loren Fitzhugh  P0007



General Longstreet at poker was clever,
The best at that leisure endeavor.
With a sternly set jaw,
When asked when to draw,
To an inside straight, he said, "Never!"

30166 HISTORY - U.S.  Warrick Elrod



The thighs of the Lady Mountbatten
Alarmingly started to fatten.
"To spread them aside,
Even with legs wide,
Was challenging!" quoth General Patton.

30167 HISTORY - U.S.  Jim Weaver Collection



The trouble with General Sherman,
He acted to much like a German,
Attacking Savannah
In much the same manner
As Adolf or Heinrich or Hermann.

30168 HISTORY - U.S.  Basil Ransom-Davies



At Yorktown the British all wept,
For defeat's always hard to accept.
They thought it a shame
They never could claim
That there George Washington never had slept.

30169 HISTORY - U.S.  Pedro J. Saavedra  P8205



Four score years ago and seven
Our forefathers looked up to Heaven
To bring forth a nation,
The best since creation,
With freedom and justice its leaven.

30170 HISTORY - U.S.  P8305



And now we have had a great war,
That nation is covered with gore;
It has come to the test --
Free or slave -- which is best?
Shall liberty come to the fore?

30171 HISTORY - U.S.  P8305



At Gettysburg we lay our dead
With a prayer that is reverently said:
"Dear Lord, let those slain
Have not died in vain --
A new birth of freedom instead...."

30172 HISTORY - U.S.  P8305



"From the mountains...to the prairie...
To the ocean...", Westward, dare we
Ever hope to go so far?
"God Bless America"
(To be sung ((probably rarely))).

30173 HISTORY - U.S.  Irving Superior



Betsy Ross with her bustle a-wagging,
Had George seeing stars, lolly-gagging.
When he asked, "How's chances?"
She spurned his advances,
Saying, "Sorry, my interest is flagging."

30174 HISTORY - U.S.  Bob Giandomenico



J. Edgar, he knew that the crux
Of gangster control, was big bucks.
Some said he was queer,
But, that was a smear;
It's the other Hoover that sucks!

30175 HISTORY - U.S.  Tyme 321



The damned Jap sons-of-bitches,
We made them wet their britches.
We grabbed our gun,
And made them run,
The goddamned sons-of-bitches.

30176 HISTORY - U.S.  L0752



John Hancock's a name for a name.
How's that for a ticket to fame?
He wanted what Rex
Could read without 'specs'
And forfeit all claims to the same.

30177 HISTORY - U.S.  Laurence Perrine  P9501



In sea fights he took such delight,
That he cried through the flame-litten night,
To the arrogant British,
Who considered him skittish,
"I haven't yet started to fight."

30178 HISTORY - U.S.  Laurence Perrine  P9501



Korea that's called police action,
Vietnam with mixed public reaction;
We must honor all those,
Gone to heroes repose,
Care for wounded beyond mere abstraction.

30179 HISTORY - U.S.



When MacArthur left the concern,
How his girl-friends did yearn.
"Will you be back someday?
Or are you fading away?"
Said the General, "I shall return."

30180 HISTORY - U.S.  Ed Wolfert  P8212



Those fellows named Mason and Dixon
Were hoping the line they were fixin'
Would keep damn Yankee swells
From those sweet Southern Belles,
So bad blood with good blood ain't mixin'.

30181 HISTORY - U.S.  Warrick Elrod



Both Mason/Dixon names are on
The list of patriots long gone.
Although some critics say
That mere surveyors they.
Who knows where the line is drawn?

30182 HISTORY - U.S.  Irving Superior  P9502



Heartfelt pain of past losses acute,
On Memorial Day, pay tribute;
All recalled July Fourth,
In the south, in the north,
To our finest arms raised in salute.

30183 HISTORY - U.S.



The war against Mexico fought,
Civil War oh so deep in our thought;
Any time blood is shed,
We revere gallant dead,
Even fights as with Spain that are short.

30184 HISTORY - U.S.



With historians I've had my fill.
They wrote, "Bunker" instead of "Breed's Hill".
They pulled one more switcher,
Called "Molly Ewer", "Pitcher."
Will they change that? No, like Hell they will!

30185 HISTORY - U.S.  Loren Fitzhugh  P0007



It's amazing to see with aplomb,
How revisionists decry "The Bomb",
But I've noticed, forsooth,
Some reveal by their youth,
They can't fully recall Viet Nam.

30186 HISTORY - U.S.  Loren C. Fitzhugh  P9509



Where once old prairie schooners did sail,
Filled with travelers weary and frail,
And the past is long gone,
Bravely folks carry on
With their skiing and condos at Vail.

30187 HISTORY - U.S.  Loren C. Fitzhugh  P9509



With the common folk, Jackson was thick;
At New Orleans that war ended quick.
It needn't been fought.
That's what History's taught.
Making history was "Old Hickory's" shtick.

30188 HISTORY - U.S.  Loren Fitzhugh  P0204



Taxation without...(the quotation
Continues with)...representation
Is tyranny.
By Henry, P.
Is BLAH when in versification.

30189 HISTORY - U.S.  Irving Superior  P8704



"One if by land" and Paul would veer
Into a tavern for one beer.
"Two if by sea"
And then would he
Into a tavern, Paul re-veer.

30190 HISTORY - U.S.  Irving Superior  P8403



For his ride through the dark without fear,
Crying out that the British were near,
And also, of course,
For his intrepid horse,
We all must revere Paul Revere.

30191 HISTORY - U.S.  Laurence Perrine  P9501



That patriot, Paul Revere,
Proclaimed, for all to hear,
"The British are coming
And it's due to my humming
Their flutes, for you see, I am queer."

30192 HISTORY - U.S.  Thomas G. Keller  P9501



Come listen, my children, and hear
Of midnight rides of Paul Revere:
He left his small spouse
Asleep at the house
And rode out to roger Kate Leer.

30193 HISTORY - U.S.



Two lights in her window he spied;
Was quiet as he slipped inside.
The two candles meant
That he must prevent
Her husband from hearing them ride.

30194 HISTORY - U.S.



The next night for Sweet Sue he yearned.
One candle in her window burned.
They played in the tub --
Did much more than scrub.
At last to her bed they adjourned.

30195 HISTORY - U.S.



Next night, while he tumbled Miss Dawn,
His little wife noticed him gone.
She hired a P.I.
To poke, prod, and pry
Into Paul's nocturnal hard-on.

30196 HISTORY - U.S.



He followed Paul out to Concord.
For Mrs. R., he drew his sword.
Paul was quite impressed,
To which he confessed.
The P.I. and Paul reached accord.

30197 HISTORY - U.S.



Paul and the P.I. got quite tight
And practiced maneuvers at night.
The ladies, neglected,
Were feeling rejected;
Their march on Concord was a sight!

30198 HISTORY - U.S.



With Kate, Sue and Dawn to lend clout
Paul's missus went after the lout.
Paul's spy sent the word
That everyone heard:
"The Bitches Are Coming!  Look OUT!"

30199 HISTORY - U.S.



In old Boston a hooker, we hear,
Charged ten in front, twenty in rear.
But for patriots she
Gave it all and for free.
She's immortal as the tail of Paul Revere.

30200 HISTORY - U.S.  Arnie Schoenbrun  P0209



Pony Express, mincing no words, required
Skinny guys, not yet eighteen desired,
Daily death risk occurred.
Take note! Orphans preferred.
Twenty-five bucks per week for those hired.

30201 HISTORY - U.S.  Esther Koch  P0010



Putting all prejudice aside,
And resisting attempts to divide,
I have now discerned
The tide has now turned;
Racism now equals Black Pride.

30202 HISTORY - U.S.  Al Willis  T9710



There once was an old forty-niner,
Who chuckled that nothing was finer
That a lady called Red,
Who would climb into bed
When he promised to wine 'er and dine 'er.

30203 HISTORY - U.S.  Norm Storer  P9509



The Redcoats marched up Bunker Hill.
If they had heard, "Don't fire until..."
Or been more wise
And closed their eyes,
They'd probably be marching still.

30204 HISTORY - U.S.  Irving Superior  P8406



Our forebears fought ignominy
Dished out by Brits taxing tea.
Colonists got orders:
Breach no Appalach borders.
Victors don't bend a neck or a knee.

30205 HISTORY - U.S.  Esther Koch  P0209



"My home," Adams said, "is my castle
And I'll just not put up with this hassle.
Get stuffed, you dumb twit,
Since you don't have a writ,
Tell George I'm no longer his vassal."
(comment of Sam Adams to Redcoat soldier)
30206 HISTORY - U.S.  p9409



The British are coming again!
As in days of George, Thomas, and Ben
Let's hide behind walls
And blow off their balls;
Been too quiet since then!

30207 HISTORY - U.S.



"May my country be right all the time,'
Declaimed Stephen Decatur sublime.
"But may it be strong,
Be it right, be it wrong,
For it's always on its side that I'm."

30208 HISTORY - U.S.  Laurence Perrine  P9501



Unconquered was the West until -
Too many Indians to kill -
Until that lucky man
Found shining in his pan
Some Yellow stuff at Sutter's Mill.

30209 HISTORY - U.S.  Irving Superior  P9509



The Congress in '76
Knew King George was up to his tricks.
For too many years
Taxes up to their ears,
The last straw was his tax on tricks.

30210 HISTORY - U.S.



Complaints about that new Stamp Act
Were frequently based on the fact,
The stamps would unstick
When given a lick,
By suck-sessive tricks a whore sacked.

30211 HISTORY - U.S.



What they really wanted was glue
Guaran-damn-teed not to undo!
Glue, paste and gum tariffs,
Collected by sheriffs,
Made retail costs high for that too!

30212 HISTORY - U.S.



As they wanted jollies at night,
They must be prepared then to fight!
But fighting for quim
Would sound pretty dim,
Two years it took to get it right.

30213 HISTORY - U.S.



No taxes unless represented!
But all taxes are still resented.
Congressional follies;
Presidential jollies;
We pay for the tricks. They're contented.

30214 HISTORY - U.S.



There was an old person named Lee,
Who came to the North to take tea;
But they offered him Mead(e),
And as that disagreed,
He concluded to try Tennessee.

30215 HISTORY - U.S.  P8202



The Brits tried 'rule shit' some years back,
And got their ass kicked blue and black.
Don't start a new battle,
We're not colony cattle;
Up your as with the old Union Jack!

30216 HISTORY - U.S.  S C Saint



A clever young fellow named Taft,
Caught his death in a Vietnamese draft.
His last words were, "Shit!
I've been shot!"  Which shows wit.
I wonder why nobody laughed.

30217 HISTORY - U.S.  John Ciardi



Revolution that gained independence,
Sons of liberty, valor transcendence;
1812 battles waged,
The stouthearted engaged,
With the red, white, and blue in ascendance.

30218 HISTORY - U.S.



Don't dip your wick in a Wac,
Don't ride the breast of a Wave,
Just sit in the sand
And do it by hand,
And buy bonds with the money you save.

30219 HISTORY - U.S.  L1360



World wars with so many courageous,
Long struggles against acts outrageous;
Common folk rally round,
Patriots will abound,
In those times when a foe may misgauge us.

30220 HISTORY - U.S.



Why'd the hat-feather dandy Yank Doodle
Wore over his kit and kaboodle,
For riding a pony,
Get called macaroni?
It lured young coquettes to canoodle.

30221 HISTORY - U.S.  Prof M-G