05/28/2004


The critter who lives in my crotch
Likes to whittle and spit and drink scotch.
I don't mind the boozin'
But I fear that I'm loosin',
Whenever he cuts a new notch.

22108 CRITICS - AFTER  Neal Wilgus  P8303



The critter that lives in my crotch
I swear he thinks he is so mach.
Whenever I fuck,
He shouts out "Good Luck!"
And times the whole thing with his watch.

22109 CRITICS - AFTER  Neal Wilgus  P8303



The critter that lives in my crotch
Keeps a record of girls I debauch.
He also keeps track
Of the things that they lack,
And sends flowers to the ones that I botch.

22110 CRITICS - AFTER  Neal Wilgus  P8303



A roundly raped girl of Tulane
Cried, "It may not be nice to complain,
But why can't I ever
Get raped in good weather?
I always get raped in the rain!"

22111 CRITICS - AFTER  G0782



While thrashing around in the hay,
The lass to the laddie did say,
"I've got straw in each orifice,
And your dick is amorphous.
Now that's what I call a bad lay."

22112 CRITICS - AFTER  Barry Becker



From the sex book, a fellow named Chris
Tried a stunt which his girl thought amiss.
"I do not share your view --
I have read the book too,
nd the book was much better than this."

22113 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin  3024-0662



Men with colossal pricks
Believe the world turns on their dicks.
When thumping a mattress,
They yell, "I am Atlas!"
But when done, they can not flick their Bics!

22114 CRITICS - AFTER  Jim Weaver Collection



She said, as she buttoned her dress,
"Playing doctor was fun, but I guess
I prefer playing house
With you as my spouse,
And it's your turn to clean up this mess."

22115 CRITICS - AFTER  John Miller 0129



The mogul's wife found most surprising
The speed of her old husband's rising.
But when sudden recession
Followed passion's expression,
She asked, "Dear is this called downsizing?"

22116 CRITICS - AFTER  Evelyn Bogen  P9607



Parisian girls mutter "Peut-etre"
Once they've earned their scarlet lettre.
So when told "Je t'adore"
They answer, "Encore?
Well--provided monsieur does it bettre."

22117 CRITICS - AFTER  Isaac Asimov



When my loins were excited with lust
I ignored your diminutive bust.
And I tried not to stare
At you dark facial hair,
Which I took to be some kind of dust.

22118 CRITICS - AFTER  Professor



The bushed meter reader came by,
And wailed to the waiting Miss Blye,
"Having serviced already
Such a much, I'm unsteady...
It's pay you to snag a fresh guy..."

22119 CRITICS - AFTER  Grand Prix Lim  531



Now after that marvelous treat,
There's just one thing to do, my sweet.
'Fore senses get number
And we're off to slumber,
Get rid of that wet sticky sheet.

22120 CRITICS - AFTER



With Men one rule always applies,
There are no exceptional guys.
Once pulling the trigger,
Dimensions once bigger,
Will bring a quick fall to the rise.

22121 CRITICS - AFTER



The oddest of organs, the prick,
Can get just as stiff as a stick,
And then moments after,
The butt of rude laughter,
Goes limp as a frayed candlewick.

22122 CRITICS - AFTER  Armand E Singer  568



"When's a limerick ribald and when crass?"
A coed her roommate did ask.
"That question's quite thorny,
Perhaps ribald when you're horny,
And crass when he's just humped your ass."

22123 CRITICS - AFTER  Greg Schindler  P9001



There once was a poet from Hexameter
Whose mistress kept calling him amateur.
She said, "Your technique
Is too rough and antique,
And your rhythm's iambic pentameter."

22124 CRITICS - AFTER  G2367



There was a tired gal named O'Leary
Said, "A whole night of love makes me weary.
Please pardon my yawn,
But it's mighty nigh dawn,
So just put on your pants and go, Dearie."

22125 CRITICS - AFTER  Grand Prix Lim  493



No doubt her unflattering critique
Concerned my unfortunate technique.
She scoffed at my size,
My minimal rise,
And laughed at how quickly I peak.

22126 CRITICS - AFTER  Dennis Taylor



A passionate lady named Fay,
Told friend Joe as he staggered away:
"On the Passamaquoddy
We consider it shoddy
To stop after one little lay."

22127 CRITICS - AFTER  G0064



"Not tonight," said the chief, "I'm too sleepy,"
As his squaw closed the flap of the teepee.
"What I viewed with delight
Red and tight all last night,
Right now only makes me feel creepy..."

22128 CRITICS - AFTER  Grand Prix Lim  468



There was an old lady of Dawson
Who said to a lad, "You've a flaw, son.
If you stay for a while
I'll improve on your style.
You are not near as good as your pa, son."

22129 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin  3024-0106



I hate when they roll over and snore?
Just when you're heating up for more!
I'd give 'em an elbow
A kick in the pillow,
And push 'em out onto the floor!

22130 CRITICS - AFTER



Sneered total abstainer, old Keating,
His subject: male human secreting:
"Foreplay meticulous,
Posture ridiculous,
The pleasure quite palpably fleeting."

22131 CRITICS - AFTER  Armand E Singer  24



I parted the legs of Sue Session
Each night for a month in progression.
But now that she's gone,
I'm here all alone
And suffering 'post part 'em depression'.

22132 CRITICS - AFTER  Travis Brasell



A coldblooded fellow named Keating
Observed of a sexual meeting:
"However meticulous,
The posture's ridiculous
And God knows the pleasure is fleeting."

22133 CRITICS - AFTER  Armand E Singer  24A



"He never did split me asunder,"
Said Shiela, "and now it's no wonder,
My sex-life's gone tame
It's not been the same,
Since the guy from Quebec left 'down-under.'"

22134 CRITICS - AFTER  Ed Potts  P8507



A stoical husband named Fred
Would fuck with his hat on his head.
Then he'd raise up undressed
With his hand on his chest,
Out of simple respect for the dead.

22135 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin  3024-2068



To the prissy bitch fucked in his car,
Joe said, "You're too stuffy by far.
There is no polite term
For cunt juice and sperm,
So why not just say what they are?"

22136 CRITICS - AFTER  G2287



The duchess sneaked out by the fount,
To screw in the park with the count.
But he fucked her so bad,
That the duchess got mad
And a sermon she gave on the mount.

22137 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin  3024-0153



This morning you looked so content,
hat I dressed myself quietly and went.
Now I must say
The high point of my day
Was waking up inside your tent.

22138 CRITICS - AFTER  Ericka



On the cruise ship in port at Stamboul,
Said the nymph on the purser's big tool:
"What magnificent fucking,
And reaming and sucking--
It's the best that I've had since high school!"

22139 CRITICS - AFTER  G0676



A farmer by name of Durante
Was watching TV in his shanty
With the picture askew;
When his wife he did screw,
She complained his performance was slanty.

22140 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin  3024-0125



There was a young fellow named Strunk
Afflicted with postcoital funk,
From generous rations
Of untrammeled passions,
And spewing great gobs of his spunk.

22141 CRITICS - AFTER  Armand E Singer  70



"My stock is first class," said Miss Bloor.
"The best on the market, for sure."
After old Merrill Lynch
Shoved his prick in one inch,
She was rated as Standard and Poor.

22142 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin  3024-0050



There was a young fellow named Pratt
Who fucked an old maid in her flat.
She admonished the youth
For his manners uncouth,
And his failure to take off his hat.

22143 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin  3024-1378



A boer by name of MacDowell
Was startled to hear his girl howl,
"All the sheets will be messed,
You had better get dressed."
So MacDowell then threw in the towel.

22144 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin



A hasty young man, quick and spry,
Once fucked an old maid and did fly.
She called him a vulture
Devoid of all culture,
For his failure to kiss her goodbye.

22145 CRITICS - AFTER  Albin Chaplin  3024-1396



"On which side of the bed do you sleep?"
I asked. She said, "Normally keep
To the right; but confess
It depends on your mess-
Y wet spots which are left on the sheet."

22146 CRITICS - AFTER  Peter Wilkins



The heroine of my little ditty
Was had by a lad from the city.
She exclaimed, "What a sin!"
When he put his thing in,
But when he pulled it out, "What a pity!"

22147 CRITICS - AFTER  G0054



As we lay in our small pool of sweat
And claim "That was the best one yet.",
Our thoughts are the same,
That after this game...
Who sleeps in the spot that is wet?

22148 CRITICS - AFTER



A selfish young lover named Joe
Found his girl friend impossibly slow.
He'd toy with her treasure
And have his own pleasure,
Then say, "Now I've come, I will go."

22149 CRITICS - AFTER  Robust Ribald Rude  P9703



She asked him to wed at the zoo,
'Midst monkeys and snakes and a gnu;
"I havn't decided,"
His girl friend chided,
"Who makes better love, you or ewe!"

22150 CRITICS - AFTER  Mark Levy  P9711



A brilliant young NASA technician
Showed his wife an exciting position.
She replied, "It's the top!
Now if only you'd stop
Yelling "5...4...3...2...1...Ignition!"

22151 CRITICS - BEFORE  Stargazer



There was a young warrior of Parma,
Who got into bed with his charmer.
She, naturally, nude,
Said, "Don't think me rude,
But I do wish you'd take off your armour."

22152 CRITICS - BEFORE  Anon



There was a young man of St. Bees,
Who said to his girl, "If you please,
While playing with this,
It would give me great bliss,
If you'd pay some attention to these."

22153 CRITICS - BEFORE  L0028



That young fellow who painted our town
Chose colors that brought him renown:
For the ears of the slew
Of our gossips, a blue;
For the noses of sycophants, brown.

22154 CRITICS - BEFORE  Cyber Geezer



"Now Jilly, don't play with the boys;
Just leave them alone with their toys."
"But Mummy, it's fun
When they shoot like a gun,
And it's something that Daddy enjoys."

22155 CRITICS - BEFORE



A novice young girl of Belgrade
Remarked as a man with her played,
"I have never been had."
So he took out a pad
And he noted the blunders she made.

22156 CRITICS - BEFORE  Albin Chaplin  3024-0040



A bride, who lived just outside Valley,
Said, "So far we've only been pally;
But now that we're wed,
Just take me to bed--
And see that you don't dilly-dally."

22157 CRITICS - BEFORE  Harold C Bibby



The Duchess of Pousse de Freonne
Told her chaufeur, "When mounting me, Leon,
Don't grunt like a peasant,
For I find it unpleasant,
And I'll have you made NEUTER, you PEON!"

22158 CRITICS - BEFORE  Grand Prix Lim  519



An angry young girl named Arbutus
Said, "I'm fed up on fellows who root us.
It's not the bed-bouncing
That I am denouncing;
It's that "Extract Of Kid" the brutes shoot us.

22159 CRITICS - BEFORE  G1634



Said a ripe demi-vierge of Chicoutimi,
To her shy, loving lad, "It's all new to me."
But after eight starts
At conjunction of parts,
She complained, "You're just not getting through to me!"  

22160 CRITICS - BEFORE  Hugh Oliver  38d



Eight inches, I guess, is not wrong --
You might hear my most passion song,
If you still keep in mind
That my pleasure I'll find,
If the foreplay (I said so) lasts long.

22161 CRITICS - BEFORE



You lovers of satire unite!
We must join the ignoramus's plight.
It's one way to whet
Our desire to get
The follies of man in our sight.

22162 CRITICS - BEFORE  Stiffy Joe



There was a young gal from Astoria,
Who said, "Now I don't want to bore ya,
But if you don't lay
In the usual way,
I'm just going to have to ignore ya."

22163 CRITICS - BEFORE  Arden



"For the tenth time, dull Daphnis", said Chloe,
"You have told me my bosom is snowy;
You have made much fine verse on
Each part of my person,
Now, do something! That's a good boy!"

22164 CRITICS - BEFORE  Anon  L0019



Said Kate, "Though I hum when you plumb it,
I never quite come to the summit.
To get me succumbing
To humming and coming,
Just thumb it and drum it and strum it."

22165 CRITICS - BEFORE



For ages I bloody well strummed it;
All evening I drummed it and thumbed it.
But did she succumb
To the hum and come?
She did not. She said glumly, "You've numbed it."

22166 CRITICS - BEFORE



It's happened to me once or twice,
Though he tried nearly every vice.
I never got reeling;
There just weren't no feeling
Between us, though all of it felt nice.

22167 CRITICS - BEFORE



It's a hard lesson for men to learn.
In order for women to churn...
You have to start foreplay
Early each and every day
And not wait till we're ready to burn.

22168 CRITICS - BEFORE



There was a young fellow from Cal.,
In bed with a passionate gal,
He leapt from the bed,
To the toilet he sped,
Said the gal, "What about me, old pal?"

22169 CRITICS - BEFORE  L0014



There was a young woman who lay,
With her legs wide apart in the hay.
Then, calling a ploughman,
She said, "Do it now, man!
Don't wait 'till your hair has turned grey!"

22170 CRITICS - BEFORE  Norman Douglas  L0057



In bed, Dr. Oscar McPugh
Spoke of Spengler, and ate crackers too.
His wife said, "Oh stuff
That philosophy guff
Up your ass, dear, and give me a screw."

22171 CRITICS - BEFORE  L0065



Why yes, Mom, I am being good.
(Oooh Charlie, I don't think you should)
Nooo, there's no one here
(Please don't lick my ear)
Ignore you?  Mom!  As if I would!

22172 CRITICS - BEFORE  Marlene Lewis



"Whatever, my child, are you doing?"
Why nothing, Mom, I am just shooing
My old dog away..
Mom, what did you say?"
"I said, dear, 'you ought to be screwing!'"

22173 CRITICS - BEFORE  Travis Brasell



It took me some time to agree
To appear in a film about me,
And my various ex-wives
Detailing our sex lives,
But I did--and they rated it G.

22174 CRITICS - BEFORE  John Ciardi



She stood for to speak and then spoke
To a room full of feminine folk:
"Your man needs no diction,
He just needs some friction
Or the feel will be nil with each stoke."

22175 CRITICS - BEFORE



There was a young lady of Ealing,
And her lover before her was kneeling.
Said she, "Dearest Jim,
Take your hand off my quim.
I much prefer fucking to feeling."
(Published 1870)
22176 CRITICS - BEFORE  Anon  L0029



Hear heterosexual Rick:
"I'll say it, and say it right quick;
I am not anti-fags
But the very thought gags --
I don't like hot poop on my prick!"

22177 CRITICS - BEFORE  Armand E Singer  333



A man says he's just a bit short;
Toulouse, too tight, just for sport.
It's the where, when, and how
That will rate you a bow.
Wham, bam, just don't let it get caught.

22178 CRITICS - BEFORE  Lo And Behold



There was a young man from Antigua,
Who said to his girl, "What a prig you are!
Whenever we lay,
You refuse to display
The nethermost parts of your figuah!"

22179 CRITICS - BEFORE



"Can you increase the size of my clit?"
Said Anita, somewhat of a twit.
"See, my husband's so small,
I can't feel him at all,
And the S.O.B. can't fuck for shit!"

22180 CRITICS - BEFORE  Mark Levy  P9704



Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo, Boo Hoo!
You promised a real hoopty-doo;
But that's not what I got;
'Twas just a wet spot
On the sheet, before we could screw.

22181 CRITICS - BEFORE  Jim Weaver Collection



When you lay a young girl on the sod,
It isn't the size of your prod,
It's the way that you diddle
Your ladyfriend's middle
That improves her relations with God.

22182 CRITICS - BEFORE  Albin Chaplin 3024  G0186



You've got quite a preocupation
With fucking and copulation;
But all the girls say
Please just go away,
'Cause in bed you're no great sensation.

22183 CRITICS - BEFORE



My dear, I think you will find,
As you nudge me in the behind,
Much to my elation,
We do have relations,
They're just not "family" kind.

22184 CRITICS - BEFORE  Ericka



But once on the target you're locked,
(I know you won't go off half-cocked.)
Holster your rifle
Inside my trifle,
And fire 'til we both are shell-shocked.

22185 CRITICS - BEFORE  Jim Weaver Collection



There was a young man of Missouri
Who fucked with a terrible fury,
'Till hauled into court
For his besti-al sport,
And condemned by a poorly-hung jury.

22186 CRITICS - BEFORE  L1197



"Dear Arch, one request will you grant?"
Asked Edith, beginning to pant,
"You can hammer me hard,
Without goose grease or lard,
But drive it in straight...not a slant!"

22187 CRITICS - BEFORE  E. Maidanik  P8309



There was an old fellow of Ewing,
Who said, "It's computing I'm doing.
By leaving my drawers on
While clambering whores, on
The whole, I've lost ten miles of screwing."

22188 CRITICS - BEFORE  L1161



That remarkable critic, E.N.
Had a wife who adored all young men.
She said, "You old fool,
Don't you know that the tool
Is mightier far that the pen?"
(E.N. is probably Ernest Newman)
22189 CRITICS - BEFORE  Jim Weaver Collection



Many think it is quite egotistic,
To have sex that is just onanistic.
Most people would choose
To do it by twos,
Since our system should stay pluralistic.

22190 CRITICS - BEFORE  Isaac Asimov



A friend of ours once was surprised
To have his long dong criticized,
By a whore who was shrewish,
Too fat, and half Jewish,
Because it was uncircumcised.

22191 CRITICS - BEFORE



That chick, over there in the T-shirt
Can't give good head because her knees hurt.
But to add to her crass,
This nice piece of ass
Gets more thumbs-up than Siskel or Ebert!

22192 CRITICS - BEFORE  Citizen X



Young studs are just not much fun;
They're off at the sound of a gun --
For all their hip-twistin'
They pump like a piston,
With no clue how to get the job done.

22193 CRITICS - BEFORE  Kaylin Brandon



A nervous young fellow named Fred
Took a charming young widow to bed.
When he'd diddled a while,
She remarked with a smile,
"You've got it all in but the head."

22194 CRITICS - DURING



There once was a fraulein from Berlin,
almost -- not entirely -- without sin.
To her lover she said:
"That won't do, I'm afraid.
Could you, please stick it all the way in?"

22195 CRITICS - DURING



Whenever she was in the mood
She'd up a sign, "I do it for food"
Said our adventurous Miss:
"Lovemaking as such is a bliss.
If it, too, serves a purpose -- just as good."

22196 CRITICS - DURING



There was a young fellow named Crouch,
Who was courting a girl on a couch;
She said, "Why not a sofa?"
And he exclaimed: "Oh, for
Christ's sake shut your mouth while I - ouch!"

22197 CRITICS - DURING  Victor Gray



On a date a young girl may inquire
Why her fireman friend isn't spryer.
She must yell, I suppose,
"Either reel out more hose
Or get closer, you clod, to the fire!"

22198 CRITICS - DURING



A studious professor named Nestor,
Bet a whore all his books he could best her.
But she drained out his balls
And skipped up the walls,
Beseeching poor Nestor to rest her.

22199 CRITICS - DURING  L0327



An impotent fumbler named Starrett
Lured a kitchenmaid up to the garret.
Intent upon sexing,  (With intentions to fuck)
He found it damned vexing  (He was shit out of luck,)
To hear "Foul ball" shreiked by the parrot.
(For the gal uses only a carrot.)
22200 CRITICS - DURING  G0772



There was a young fellow from Parma,
Who was solemnly screwing his charmer.
Said the damsel, demure,
"You'll excuse me, I'm sure,
But I must say you fuck like a farmer."
(Said the girl, very rude, I enjoy being screwed,)
22201 CRITICS - DURING  L0078



There was a young man at the Cape,
On a maiden, committed a rape.
Said she, "You damned shit,
You can't fuck a bit,
And your're knocking my quim out of shape."

22202 CRITICS - DURING  The Pearl 1879



Cried an Indian maid in her teepee:
"What you're diddling is making me weepy.
Either give this here rookie
Some boiling-hot nookie,
Or I'll tear out of this teepee and peepee!"

22203 CRITICS - DURING  G2215



A girl for a caddy is droll.
After golf, you may give her a roll.
But by night, as by day,
She is likely to say,
"You are playing, sir, the wrong hole."

22204 CRITICS - DURING



The thought of his touch was enough
To make the young girl rub her muff.
But stroke as she may,
She longed to just say,
"Do it harder.  I'm no powder-puff!"

22205 CRITICS - DURING  Charlotte



While humping his wife in the sack,
He remarked, "Dear, it's tits that you lack.
And your crotch is too snug."
She replied, with a shrug,
You bastard, get off of my back."

22206 CRITICS - DURING  Martin Wellborn



Sneered bored little Sue from St. Joe's,
While watching her man start to doze,
"It's no good when you're nodding;
You've just got to keep prodding,
And stay razor sharp till she blows!"

22207 CRITICS - DURING  Armand E Singer  110



During sex, a young housewife of Spake
Used to shriek, shudder, snort, scream and shake;
But her husband said, "Polly
Desist from this folly,
You're keeping the neighbors awake."

22208 CRITICS - DURING  Jim Weaver Collection



The Shah of the Empire of Persia,
Lay for days in a sexual merger.
When the girl asked the Shah,
"Won't you ever withdraw?"
He replied with a yawn, "It's inertia."

22209 CRITICS - DURING  L0336



Two buck rabbits watched May and Gus
In the midst of a hot sexing fuss.
One said to the other,
"Mankind's so dumb, Brother,
I'll bet they learned that trick from US!"

22210 CRITICS - DURING  Grand Prix Lim  433



When Charlie removed his girl's clothes,
She was scented from head down to toes.
But her mood was oblique,
And her thorny critique,
Made him think he was fucking a rose.

22211 CRITICS - DURING  Albin Chaplin  3024-0423



There was a young fellow named Adam,
Who bedded a beautiful madam.
Later on in the dark,
She cried out, "Oh, Mark!"
"No Mark!" he cried, "Madam I'm Adam".

22212 CRITICS - DURING  Music Jones



I love to get laughs at bedtime,
And I love to get sex any time.
Now both things are nice,
But take my advice
Just don't get them at the same time

22213 CRITICS - DURING  Jim Weaver Collection



A nun from the town of Shinnigan
Felt an urgent compulsion to sin again;
So she asked the devout
"Will you kndly pull out
And then straightway slip it back in again."

22214 CRITICS - DURING  Hugh Oliver  39b



There was an old lady of Dover,
Whose passion was such that it drove her
To cry, when you came,
"Oh dear!, What a shame!
Now you'll just have to start over!"

22215 CRITICS - DURING



"I assume that you know what you're doing,"
She asked in the midst of his screwing.
"Group sex may be fine,
But the pleasure's not mine,
And the rest of the people are booing."

22216 CRITICS - DURING  Fred Cohen  P8604



A young violinist named Ringer,
Was seducing an opera singer.
Said he with a grin,
"Now, I've got it in."
Said she, "You mean that isn't your finger?"

22217 CRITICS - DURING  L0091



They huddled together, hearts thumping;
She chatted about horse show-jumping.
He didn't reply
Except to say "Why
Not shut up?" as he carried on humping.

22218 CRITICS - DURING  Prof M-G



There was an old voyeur named Zeke,
Who liked to hide in the closet and peek.
Then jump out with loud cries,
Of 'Aha!' and 'Surprise!"
And point out your flaws in technique.

22219 CRITICS - DURING



A German composer named Bruckener,
Remarked to a lady while fuckin' 'er,
"Less lento, my dear,
With your cute little rear;
I like a hot presto when muckin' er."
(lento - in a slow manner, music)
22220 CRITICS - DURING



A Brooklyn boy ready to boist,
Shacked up wit' a French goil, his foist.
When she said, "Ah! Mon cher!"
He replied, "Stop right dere!
Would you radder we fucked or convoist?"

22221 CRITICS - DURING  G2266



One midnight, old Dante Rossetti,
Remarked to Miss Sidall, "Oh Betty,
I wish that you'd stop
Shouting 'Fuck me you wop!'
It turna da tool to spaghetti!"

22222 CRITICS - DURING  Victor Gray



A pious young lady named Finnegan,
Would caution her beau, "Now you're in again,
Please watch it just right
So you'll last through the night,
For I certainly don't want to sin again.

22223 CRITICS - DURING  L0924



As two consular clerks in Madras
Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
"What a marvelous pole,"
Said she, "but control
Your sinkers--they're banging my ass."

22224 CRITICS - DURING  L0123



A marriage adviser in Leeds
Said, "What your wife patently needs
Is husbandly passion
In every know fashion
With a nice variation in speeds."

22225 CRITICS - DURING  Harold C Bibby



A hard-peckered lecher named Lutz
Had his prick in a bitch to the nuts.
She remarked, "My friend Hunt
Has more fun in my cunt;
He goes three times as deep when he butts."

22226 CRITICS - DURING  G0647



A bestial young fellow once crept
Upon an old lady who slept.
He was husky and stout
But she threw the man out,
For his fucking was grossly inept.

22227 CRITICS - DURING  Albin Chaplin  3024-0099



A busy Afghanistan mall
From Russians was making a haul.
Warned old Boris the colonel,
"Cease this fucking infernal!"
So they promised a token withdrawal.

22228 CRITICS - DURING  Albin Chaplin  3024-3000



It's no wonder that poor Mrs. Hance,
Told a shrink that she viewed life askance.
"At the office", she whined,
"All my mail runs behind,
While at home my male comes in advance!"

22229 CRITICS - DURING  Jim Weaver Collection



There was a young Frenchman, Marceau,
Who said to his girlfriend, "Ah, no.
I admit it is sweet
Ma tres chere petite,
But it's your turn to move down below."

22230 CRITICS - DURING  Isaac Asimov



There was a young girl named Myer,
Who gave in to her lovers desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher.

22231 CRITICS - DURING  L0896



There once was a kind of a geek
Who sometimes through windows would peek.
So, we thought, "Well,
You never can tell.
He might give us useful critique."

22232 CRITICS - DURING  Limericks Naughty & Gay 




An underworked harlot from Kew,
After lying all night between two
Post-Edwardian beaus,
Said, "At Madame Tussaud's
I've seen men what was livelier than you!"

22233 CRITICS - DURING  John Ciardi



There once was a girl from Piscataway,
Who said to a school chum, "Is that a way
To treat an old friend?
You've got the wrong end.
Stop it, please.  I do not like this thataway."

22234 CRITICS - DURING  appendiardi