Mikal the Ram: "The Theft Of Thor's Hammer"
The Theft Of Thor's Hammer
Notes from Mikal:
Most anyone who is familiar with the mythology of the Norse will recognize
this tale. The
version I use is fro the Icelandic Codex, the oldest extant collection of
Norse tales.
This translation is hardly faithful to the original, as I took great
liberties with it to
create this version, that was told the first time to a gathering of
children.
GATHER 'ROUND GOOD PEOPLE, for I've a tale to tell, of gods and war and
mystery. This
is an old tale, some say older than the mountains, and I did hear it from
another bard
called Snorri. He may have heard it from Thor himself. But knowing how
storytellers lie, I
very much doubt he did.
'Tis a tale of old Thor Himself, lord of thunder and guardian of gods and
men. Strong
and mighty was he, and honest and brave and simple. This was his greatest
weakness, for he
was simple, both of heart and mind. He was as strong as an ox, they say, and
almost as
smart.
But for all that Thor did lack of brains, his strength and courage were
second to none!
'Twas he that kept Asgard safe from the marauding giants, slaying hundreds
of them with
his mighty hammer mjolnir.
One morning he woke in his war-hall and stretched out a hairy arm to pick up
his
beloved hammer. His fingers felt all over the table beside his bed. Then as
the truth did
work it's way into his brain, his eyebrows shot up. Then his mouth turned
down at both
it's corners. Then his beard began to shake from it's red roots to it's
curling red tips.
"WHAAAAAAGH!" her bellowed so loudly that all of Asgard did shake. "SOMEONE
HAS STOLEN MY HAMMER!"
As quick as he could he searched every corner of Asgard, fuming and
bellowing. at last
he found Loki, the trickster most cunning, god of fire and blacksmiths, the
least
trustworthy of all the gods. If anyone could have stolen Thor's hammer, Loki
could.
But Thor remained remarkably calm. He walked slowly up to Loki and said
"Good day,
my half-brother. Have you been busy this day, my half-brother? HAVE YOU BEEN
BUSY STEALING
MY HAMMER? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MJOLNIR???"
(Well, that is calm for Thor...)
Of course Loki said "I...didn't...see...it..." And after some serious
pleading, Thor put him down. Loki might lie, cheat, and steal. But if he was
nothing else,
he was a coward. Just looking into Thor's red eyes would make anyone talk.
But if Loki
didn't have it, who did? And if it wasn't in Asgard, where was it?
Then Loki hit upon an idea; the two of them went to Freyja, the most
beautiful of the
goddesses, and queen of the valkyries, (Who chose the best warriors slain
upon the field
to live in Valhalla.) Loki asked her, " Please, good Freyja, would you lend
me your
white feather cloak, for Thor's hammer is missing, and we must find it."
Well, Freyja was blessed with eyes that see the truth, and when she heard
that mjolnir
was indeed lost, she knew that Asgard was in trouble. "Take my cloak," she
said.
"I would give it to you even if it were gold!"
Loki pulled on the feather cloak and, {CLAP} became a white raven just like
that. Off
he flew all around the worlds until he came to the land of the giants,
Jontheim.
In that land, on a huge burial mound sat the king of the giants, Thrym. He
was huge!
Black haired and black bearded with great wide hands. He was grooming a
heard of horses
that were no bigger than sheep to him!
Now there is something you should know; giants are very big and very strong,
but they
are not very bright. You remember how simple I told you Thor was? Well
compared to the
giants he was a genius! But giants have something almost as good as brains:
They know
magic! So when Thrym saw a white raven flying overhead, he saw right through
the spell and
saw Loki underneath. The giant king smiled evilly. "Loki!" he called. "How
is everything in Asgard? Why are you here all alone?"
Loki stayed high above the giant's reach, and called down. "Terrible news
for the
gods. I'm afraid Thor's hammer is missing."
Thrym began to laugh. He laughed so hard that boulders on the nearby
mountains started
to roll around. "Oh I know that," he sneered. "I've buried the
thunder-hammer eight leagues beneath the earth. If you ever want to see it
again, bring me
the beautiful Freyja to be my bride!"
Loki flew back to Asgard, and the second he removed the cloak and turned
back to
himself, Thor grabbed his arm. "Tell me what you found!"
Loki was afraid to tell the thunder god what he'd heard, so he put him off.
"Let
me rest a minute."
"No," the thunderer growled, his red beard bristling. "Men who sit down
forget what they have to say, and those who lie down lie!"
"Thrym has your hammer," Loki told him. "He will only get it back if he
gets Freyja to be his wife!"
So Thor took Freyja's cloak back to her. When he gave it back he told her,
"There
is only one way to get my hammer; you must come to Jontheim with me and
marry Thrym."
Now how would you feel if I said you must marry the biggest, stupidest,
ugliest person
in the world. That's exactly how Freyja felt. She stamped her foot and
screamed.
"ARRRRGH! I would have to be absolutely man-crazy to marry a stupid, ugly,
nasty
creature like Thrym! I won't do it no matter how many hammers he has
stolen!"
All the gods held council, since this was very important. After all, Thor
was all that
kept the giants out of Asgard. Without his hammer he wouldn't be able to
stop them.
But over to one side sat Heimdall, the guardian of the rainbow bridge that
connects the
earth to Asgard. (His eyes were so keen that he could see the hairs on a
cat's head all
the way across the world. And some say he could see into tomorrow.) Heimdall
stood up and
said "I have a plan. Let's get one of Freyja's dresses, some of her jewelry,
and a
heavy veil. We could put them on Thor. Thrym would never know the
difference!"
"WHAT?" Thor bellowed. "Put me in a dress? Make me up like a girl?
Never!! I won't stand for it!!" He ranted and raved so it took most of the
gods to
hold him down.
But crafty Loki liked the plan, (besides, seeing Thor in a bridal dress was
too good to
miss!) "We have no choice!" he said. "If we don't give Thrym a bride, you
won't get your hammer back! So hold your tongue. I too will put on a dress
and go as your
bride's maid."
So they put him in a dress, put a veil on his face, and a wig of horsehair
on his own
red locks. Loki put on a dress and fetched the thunderer's chariot, pulled
by the two
great goats.
When at last they left, Thor drove the magic goats hard, splitting
mountaintops left
and right. The wooden wheels rumbled thunder from the very clouds.
Thrym heard the thunder, and knew it was Thor's chariot. But when he saw who
was
driving he was overjoyed. (Remember, I told you that giants know magic. But
Thor wasn't
disguised by spells. It was only dress, powder, and paint. And since giants
are not too
bright, Thrym felt sure that the driver had to be his blushing bride.)
He ran to his mead-hall, kicking his lazy subjects awake. "Up, you foul
ogres!
Freyja is come to be my bride!" Four whole oxen were roasted to make the
feast, along
with sixteen whole salmon and twenty barrels of ale.
Once the 'bride' had arrived Thrym took them inside and showed them to the
high seat
for feast. He spoke to his 'bride' and teased her, but Thor refused to
speak. This alarmed
Thrym, and he turned to Loki and asked, Why does she not talk?"
Loki answered "Oh, my lord, she was so excited when she heard that she was
to be
your wife, she shouted for joy for eight whole days. She has made herself
hoarse."
This seemed to satisfy the giant king, so they started to feast. Now giants
eat quite a
lot, but no one ate as much as the 'bride', who ate on whole ox, eight whole
salmon, all
of the cakes, and washed it down with four barrels of ale!
"How can she eat so much?" Thrym cried. "I have never seen a woman eat
so much!" But crafty Loki answered, "Oh, my lord, she was so happy when she
heard she was to be your wife, she couldn't eat a thing in eight days!"
This seemed to satisfy the giant. (Well, I told you he was stupid!) Later in
the feast
he got the idea to steal a kiss from his 'bride'. He lifted up the veil just
a little, and
dropped it again in fear. "Her eyes!" her cried. "Her eyes are so red and
fierce!"
But crafty Loki replied, "Oh, my lord, she was so excited about being your
wife
that she hasn't slept in eight days!"
Thrym looked troubled, but he believed the trickster. "She hasn't slept or
eaten
and has been rejoicing for eight days! Let us not delay the wedding! Let us
be married
now!"
Thor almost jumped, but the always plotting Loki interrupted. "Oh good king
Thrym,
Shouldn't you bring out Thor's hammer mjolnir to honor your part of the
bargain?"
Thrym thought a bit, (which was hard for him,) and cried, "Bring out the
hammer,
and lay it across her knees."
But when the hammer touched Thor's knees, he snatched it up and struck Thrym
in the
forehead...{pause, try again striking higher,} he struck Thrym a mighty
blow, killing him
all at once! Then he proceeded to clear the mead-hall. One by one all the
giants foolish
enough to try him fell. All the others ran away.
And that is the tale of the theft of Thor's hammer, and how he won it back
again. And
there is a moral that all men should remember: Before you go to wed, look
hard behind the
wedding veil!
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