Sam, Sam, the Lavatory Man

[ B ]

Dan, Dan, the lavatory man,
Works all day in the crapping can,
Hands out soap and hands out towels
And listens to the music of the moving bowels.

Dan, Dan, the lavatory man,
Looks for his tips in the crapping can.
He works like hell and never growls
And is sure of a tip from each move of the bowels.

Dan, Dan, the lavatory man,
Nver gets tipped by a constipated man.
He knows damned well when a drummer howls
There won't be a tip without a move of the bowels.

Dan, Dan, the lavatory man,
Work like hell, make all you can,
Study the bowels and the action of the heart
And is there with the paper at the very first fart.


[ C ]

Dan! Dan! the lavatory man
Has full charge of the crapping can.
He picks up the papers ad he hands out the towels
And he listens to the rumble of the fat men's bowels.

Ffff! Ffff! a fart is heard
Followed by the sound of a splashing turd.
He finds his joy and greatest bliss
In the crackle of the paper and trickle of the piss.

Rah! Rah! Sis boom ah!
Oh, you shit house rag!

[ D ]

Sam, Sam, the lavatory man,
Chief engineer of the bubblin' can,
He passes out the paper and he passes out the towels,
And he keeps in the rhythm of the other man's bowels.
Down, down, round and round,
It's the shit-house blues.

[ E ]

Sam, Sam, the lavatory man,
Chief engineer of the building can,
He dishes out the paper; he hands out the towels.
*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*
Sam, Sam, he's doing his bit
Helping other people get rid of their shit.

[ F ]

Down in the subway
Way under the ground,
A little black porter,
Goes putting around,
Cleans out the basins,
And he washes the towels,
And he works to the rhythm 
Of the movement of the bowels.
	I've got the shit-house blues.

	The Hubert Canfield collection gathered in 1926 has three versions of this, one text of this song identical to that printed in Muse II.  The others, "B" and "C" here, are fuller.
	The "D"-"F" variants were collected between 1946 and 1954 at Michigan State University and are archived in the Indiana University Folklore Archive as "Sam, the Lavatory Man."
	Finally, Calvin Gilliam, a resident of the Veteran's Hospital in West Los Angeles in 1957, reported that the lines "Sam, Sam, the garbage man,/Picks up the papers, picks up the towels/To the rhythm of the constipated bowels" were used as a taunt in children's games in North Carolina.