74.  IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND
Melody--Itself

If I were the marrying kind,
Which thank the Lord I'm not sir,
The kind of man that I would wed,
Would be a rugby full-back.

And he'd find touch, and I'd find touch,
We'd both find touch together,
We'd be all right in the middle of the night,
Finding touch together.

Wing three-quarter--go hard.

Centre three-quarter--pass it out.

Rugby fly-half--whip it out.

Rugby scrum-half--put it in.

Rugby hooker--strike hard.

Big pop-forward--bind tight.

Rugby referee--blow hard.

Spectator--come again.

From Paul Woodford, "Hash Hymns II" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1994)