46.  A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
 Melody--A Few of My Favorite Things

HARRIERS: Middle and Pinky and Index and Ring,
Throw in the thumb and you've got the whole thing,
It works just fine and it's also quite safe,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dawn breaks,
When I wake up,
And it's feeling hard,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Penthouse and Playboy and something called Forum,
They're what I use to help start something going,
Centerfolds spread-eagled showing me pink,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When I'm lonely,
Really lonely,
By myself again,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

HARRIETTES: Dildos and vibrators and vaseline jelly,
That's what I use to set fires in my belly,
In and out up and down making me wet,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Men are useless,
I don't need them,
I'm the best I've had,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Tight buns, silk undies, and erotic books,
Make me excited, I'm starting to cook,
I stir me up and the honey will come,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm thinking,
Of a hard cock,
But I don't see one,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

From Paul Woodford, "Hash Hymns" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1997)