DATE 21 July 95
From: "P. Alan Thiesen" <thiesen@CS.Stanford.EDU>To: bawdy-l@bdragon.jjm.com
Message-Id: <9507220536.AA12432@Xenon.Stanford.EDU>
X-Listname: Bawdy Filking
Reply-To: bawdy-l@bdragon.jjm.com
Errors-To: bawdy-owner@bdragon.jjm.com
Sender: bawdy-owner@bdragon.jjm.com
Status: RO
X-Status: 



THE BALLAD OF ESKIMO NELL

When a man grows old and his balls grow cold, and the end of his knob turns blue;
When it's bent in the middle like a one-string fiddle, he can tell a tale or two.
So find me a seat and stand me a drink and a tale to you I'll tell
Of Dead-eye Dick and Mexican Pete and the gentle Eskimo Nell.

When Dead-eye Dick and Mexican Pete go out in search of fun,
It's usually Dick who wields the prick and Mexican Pete the gun.
And when Dead-eye Dick and Mexican Pete are sore, depressed, and mad,
'Tis the cunt that usually bears the brunt, so the shooting ain't so bad.

There was rarely a day without a lay, and usually two or three
For Dead-eye Dick, his kingly prick was always like a tree.
Now Dead-eye Dick and Mexican Pete had been hunting in Deadman's creek.
And they'd had no luck in the way of a fuck for nigh on half a week.

Just a moose or two and a caribou, and a bison cow or so;
And for Dead-eye Dick with his kingly prick this fucking was mighty slow.
So do or dare, this horny pair set out for the Rio Grande.
Dead-eye Dick with his muscular prick and Pete with his gun in hand.

As they rode down the trail without no tail, Pete was mad as hell
For Dead-eye Dick with his mighty prick had fucked the horse as well.
They blazed a trail of randy tail, and none their path withstood.
And many a bride who was hubby's pride knew pregnant widowhood.

They came to a town as the sun went down, and met a scurvy crew
Looking for fun, Pete whipped out his gun, and he knew just what to do.
Their leader big, a farting pig, got six holes in his chest
While Dead-eye Dick, with his massive prick, took care of all the rest.

They made the strand of the Rio Grande at the height of a blazing noon.
So to slake their thirst and do their worst, they sought out Black Mike's Saloon.
They opened the doors on the men and whores, both prick and gun flashed free;
"According to sex, you bleedin' wrecks, you drinks or fucks with me."

Now they'd heard of the prick called Dead-eye Dick from the Horn to Panama;
And with nothing worse than a muttered curse those cowhands sought the bar.
The women, too, knew his playful ways, from down on the Rio Grande;
And forty whores took down their drawers at Dead-eye Dick's command.

The women were scared they'd all be mared.  This really is no lie,
For Dead-eye Dick with his mighty prick was hard to satisfy.
They saw the fingers of Mexican Pete twitch on the trigger grip.
'Twas death to wait.  At a fearful rate those whores began to strip.

Now Dead-eye Dick was breathing quick with lecherous snorts and grunts
As forty asses were bared to view, to say nothing of forty cunts.
Now forty asses and forty cunts, you'll see if you use your wits
And rattle a bit of arithmetic is likewise eighty tits.

And eighty tits is a gladsome sight for a man with a raging stand.
More may be there in Berkeley Square but not on the Rio Grande.
Our dead-eye Dick, he fucks 'em quick, so he backed and took a run
And he laid a dart and the nearest tart, and scored a bull in one.

Her cunt was bore to a sandal floor.  He fucked her deep and fine
And though she grinned, it put the wind up the other thirty nine.
Our dead-eye Dick, he fucks 'em quick, and flinging the first aside,
He was making ag'in at the second quim when the door swung open wide.

And into that hall of sin and vice, into that harlot's hell,
Came a lusty maid who was never afraid, and her name was Eskimo Nell.
The hefty lout, he turned about, both knob and face were red.
With a single flick of his mighty prick, the tart flew o'er his head.

But Eskimo Nell, she stood it well, and looked him in the eyes.
With the utmost scorn, she glimpsed the horn that rose from his hairy thighs.
She blew a puff from her cigarette onto his steaming knob.
So utterly beat was Mexican Pete he forgot to do his job.

It was Eskimo Nell who broke the spell in actions calm and cool,
"Ah, ya cunt-drunk shrimp of a Yankee pimp, you call that thing a tool?
"If this here town cannot take that down," she sneered to the cowering whores,
There's one little cunt who can do that stunt.  It's Eskimo Nell's, not yours."

She shed her garments one by one, with an air of conscious pride
'Til at last she stood in her maidenhood and they saw the Great Divide.
She laid right down on the tabletop where someone had left a glass.
With a twitch of her tits, she crushed it to bits between the cheeks of her ass.

She bent her knees with supple ease and opened her legs apart.
With final nod to the randy sod, gave him the cue to start.
But Dead-eye Dick, with his king-sized prick, prepared to take his time,
For a girl like this was fucking bliss, so he staged a pantomime.

He winked his arse-hole in and out, and made his balls inflate
'Til they looked like the granite knobs on top of a garden gate.
He rubbed his foreskin up and down.  His knob increased in size.
His mighty prick grew twice as thick and almost reached his eyes.

He polished that rod with rum and gob, to make it steaming hot
And to finish the job he sprinkled the knob with a cayenne pepper pot.
He didn't have to take a run, or yet a flying leap;
But bent right down and came 'long side with a steady forward creep.

Then he took a sight as a gunman might along his mighty tool
And shoved his lust with a dextrous thrust, firm, calculating, and cool.
Have you seen the giant pistons on the mighty C.P.R.?
With the punishing force of a thousand horse.  You know what pistons are.

Oh you think you do, but you've yet to learn the awe inspiring trick
Of the work that's done on a non-stop run by a man like Dead-eye Dick.
But Eskimo Nell was an infidel.  She equalled a whole harem
With the strength of ten in her abdomen and a rock of ages dam.

Amidships the rush, she could stand like the flush of a modern water closet.
So she grasped his cock like the Chatwood lock on the National Safe Deposit.
She lay for a while with a subtle smile while the grip of her cunt grew keener.
And giving a sigh, she sucked him dry with the ease of a vacuum cleaner.

She performed this feat in a way so neat as to set at complete defiance
The primary cause and the basic laws that govern sexual science.
She calmly rode through the phallic fold which for years had stood the test
And the ancient laws of the classic school, in a moment or two, went West.

And now, my friend, we draw to the end of this copulating epic.
The effect on Dick was sudden and quick, and it came to an end aesthetic.
And he didn't shout as his tool came out.  It was stripped down to a thread.
He slipp