96.  ONE-EYED TROUSER SNAKE
Melody--???

Oh, I got a little creature,
I suppose you'd call him a pet,
And if there's something wrong with him,
I don't have to see the vet.
He goes everywhere that I go,
Whether sleeping or awake,
God help me if I ever lose,
Me one-eyed trouser snake.

CHORUS: Oh me one-eyed trouser snake,
Oh me one-eyed trouser snake,
God help me if I ever lose,
Me one-eyed trouser snake.

One day I got reading in an old sky pilot's book,
About two starkers innocents who made the world go crook,
They reckoned it was a serpent that made Eve the apple 					take,
Crikey, 'twas no flaming serpent, 'twas Adam's one-eyed 				trouser snake.

I met this arty sheila who I'd never met before,
And something kind of told me she banged like a dunny 						door,
I said, "Come up and see my etching," she said, "I hope 				it's not a fake,"
She wasn't disappointed with me one-eyed trouser snake.

So come all you little sheilas and listen to me song,
The moral of the trouser snake is as short as it is long,
Beware of imitation, don't lock your bedroom door,
When me pajama python bites you, you'll be screaming out 			for more.

From Paul Woodford, "Hash Hymns II" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1994)