280.  RING THE BELL VERGER
Melody--Itself

CHORUS: Ring the bell verger, ring the bell, ring,
Perhaps the congregation will condescend to sing,
Perhaps the village organist, sitting on his stool,
Will play upon his organ and not upon his tool.

Ocean liner five months late,
Stoker stoking stoker's mate,
Captain's voice comes down the wire,
"Stop stoking mate and start stoking fire!"

Lordship's chauffeur in the garage lies,
Lordship's wife between his thighs,
Lordship's voice comes from afar,
"Stop fucking wife and start fucking car!"

Part-time barman in the four-ale lurks,
Tossing off with erratic jerks,
The landlord's voice begins to moan,
"Stop pulling plonker and start pulling foam!"

Verger in the belfry stood,
Grasped in his hand, his mighty pud, 
From afar the vicar yells,
"Stop pulling pud and start pulling bell!"

Old time convict in the compound stands,
His pick lies idle in his hands,
The warden's voice begins to moan,
"Stop picking prick and start picking stone!"

From Paul Woodford, "Hash Hymns II" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1994)