THE SEXUAL LIFE OF THE CAMEL, or MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN! -Anonymous The sexual life of the Camel Is stranger than anyone thinks One night in a moment of passion He tried to deflower the Sphinx! My cousin sells shields to the Tuchux The plywood they're made of is thin; I'm a doggone good Chiurgeon My God, how the money rolls in! Now, the Sphinx's posterior anatomy Is covered with sand from the Nile. That accounts for the hump in the Camel, And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile! My brother is a mercenary Hiring out to help you win Since both Kingdoms pay for his wages My God, how the money rolls in! Exhaustive experimentation By Darwin, and Huxley and Hall Has proved that the ass of a hedgehog Can hardly be buggered at all! The East and the Middle are fighting Trimaris and others join in The Dark Horde makes book on the winner My God, how the money rolls in! The Baron, he rides on a warhorse, With a fancy great helluva rig, He doesn't get there any faster, But it makes the old bastard feel The King, he sleeps in a feather bed The Knights all sleep in their sacks; As a means of self~~-preservation, The squires all sleep on their backs! And here's to the girls of (insert name) And here's to the alleys they roam, And here's to their dirty-faced bastards, God bless 'em, they may be your own! Smilin' Ah is looking for people To travel a long way with him To auctions in old Persian markets My God, how the money rolls in! I'm just a poor mercenary I don't care if we lose or we win As long as you're still here on payday My God, how the money rolls in! loseph of Locksley is Celtic, loseph of Locksley is thin, loseph writes satire to order, My God, how the money rolls in! My father makes illegal whiskey, My mother makes illegal gin, My sister runs guns for the Dark Horde: My God, how the money rolls in! Petruccio is an Italian He is an expert at Sin He has a stable of gerbils My God, how the money rolls in! My brother's a poor missionary He saves little girlies from Sin! He'll save you a blonde for 5 dollars My God, how the money rolls in! The Dark Horde really likes fighting We want your side to win We've cornered the market on duct tape My God, how the money rolls in! And here's to the Outlands' new Navy! Let's all give them three cheers! The first submarine made of adobe.... It's been down for thirty-two years! Elric, he drives a hard bargain While trading for leather or skins He'll let you keep yours for a cookie! My God, how the cookies roll in! Elric's a traveling merchant With a band of his very large friends He'll sell you your lives for your silver My God, how the money rolls in! So here's to the War at Estrella Where all of us landed in gaol, And here's to the (insert name) maidens, Who gave us our first piece of tail! -- "The Black Book of Locksley"