Jackie and His Master

This is a comparatively rare find in the United States.  A British ballad brought to the New World, it seems not to have survived in recent years.

check asaniyev Secret Russian Tales - is this in there.  Al;so hoffmann for motif

Jackie and his master, a wager they did lay
That the one that had the shortest dink the wager had to pay.
	Singing, ta de di di ump de ay,
	Tudie de ump di ay.

So they measured them around and they measured them about
And Jackie's was the longest by four inches and a snout.

The maid was in the barn and I think she was to blame
When she oversaw the measurement she went and told the dame.

The dame went to the barn, some eggs for to hunt,
And she stooped down to buckle her shoe, a mouse run up her
	cunt.

She went to the door and hollered loud and shrill
And the old man heard her while working in the mill.

The old man came running just as fast as he could walk
Saying, "What's the matter, dame?  I thought I heard you
	talk."

"There's a mouse up my old belly gut! Oh, God, how he doth
	gnaw,
And if you do not get him out, he'll eat away my maw.

The old man went to the door, and hollered loud and shrill,
And Jackie overheard him while plowing on the hill.

Jackie he came running just as fast as he could walk,
Saying, "What's the matter, master?  I thought I heard you
	squawk."

"There's a mouse up my wife's belly gut!  Oh, God, how he doth
	gnaw.
And if we do not get him out, he'll eat away her maw.

"I'll give you twenty dollars if you'll only get him out,
For your dink it is the longest, by four inches and a snout."

"Twenty dollars is not my wages, neither is it my price.
For not less than fifty dollars shall my dink go hunting
	mice."

So Jackie took her by the middle small, and gently laid her
	down
And every jig and half a jig he whirled the mouse around.

The old woman being cunning had the mouse up in her sleeve,
And when Jackie had tickled her tail enough, she gave the
	mouse a heave.

The old man stood by with a club, and as the mouse ran up the
	wall,
He hit a hell of a lick, and missed it after all.
	Tu di di um de ay.
	Tu di di um de ay.

Sent by R. M. Davids of the Cross-X Ranch in Windmere, Florida in 1924, this is number 37 in the Gordon Collection at the Library of Congress Archive of American Folk Culture.
Hoffman does not file it under J2301, gullible husbands; or K1221.1, blacksnakes in her ass; or 1221.1.1, priest's member as fishing rod, which has close parallels;

[ B ] 

A second version of the ballad is somewhat the worse for wear.  Unclear in this variant is that Jackie bests his master in length, and roots out the intruder.  Missing too is the sometimes occurring twist of the wife releasing the mouse from her sleeve while Jackie is servicing her.

Jackie and his master got into a dispute,
And all it was about which had [sic] the biggest root.

Chorus:
Saying, whack tie fol de ri o come, tithery eithery a.

Jackie and his master went up on the hill to plow.
Jackie said to his master, "We can measure now."

They measured all around and they measure all about,
And Jackie out-measured Paddy two inches in the snout.

The old woman went to the barn some eggs for to hunt,
And a mouse ran up her petticoat and then straight up her
	cunt.

She ran to the horn and she blew it very shrill
And Paddy overheard her a-plowing on the hill.

He ran to the house just as fast as he could fly,
Saying, "What's the matter, mother?  I thought I heard you cry."

"I went to the barn some eggs for to hunt,
And a mouse ran up my petticoat and then stright up my cunt."

He took her round the middle, and laid her on the floor,
But Paddy couldn't reach him by two inches and some more.

He ran to the horn and he blew it very shrill,
And Jackie overheard him a-plowing on the hill.

He ran to the house just as straight as he could fly,
Saying, "What's the matter, mother? I thought I heard you
	cry."

"I went to the barn some eggs for to hunt,
And a mouse ran up my petticoat and then straight up my cunt."

Then he took her round the middle and he laid her on the
	ground,
And every gig that Jack would make, he'd bob his tail around.

Jackie [Paddy?] stood out in the yard, a stick within his hand,
And he swore he would kill that mouse if it ever came on land.

	This is included among the songs and ballads that the widow of collector-singer Blaine Stubblefield sent to folklorist J. Barre Toelken of Utah State University.  This ballad was typed out by Stubblefield's father, M. Stubblefield, who said he learned it from W.P. Warnock of Enterprise, Oregon.  Stubblefield assembled much of his collection of western songs in the 1920s and 1930s.