The Hairs on Her Dicky Di Do The Mayor of Bayswater, He has a lovely daughter, And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe, Hang down to her knees. SINGER: And the hairs, PACK: And the hairs, SINGER: And the hairs, PACK: And the hairs, SINGER: And the hairs, PACK: On her dicky-di-doe, Hang down to her knees. One black one, one white one, And one with a bit of shite on, And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe, Hang down to her knees. I've smelt it, I've felt it, It's just like a bit of velvet. I've seen it, I've seen it, I've lain right in between it. She slept with a demon, Who drowned her with semen. If she were my daughter, I'd have her cut them shorter. She lives on the mountain, And pees like a bloody fountain. She stayed on a cattle ranch, And came like a bloody avalanche. She says she is not a whore, But she bangs like a shithouse door. She lived on malted milkshake, And rooted like a bloody rattlesnake. She married an Italian, With balls like a fucking stallion. She married a Spaniard, With a prick like a bloody lanyard. She went with a Hash House Harrier, Who fucked her but wouldn't marry her. I stroked 'em and poked 'em, I rolled 'em and smoked 'em. You'd need a coal miner, To find her vagina. She sat on the waterfront, With the waves lapping up and down her cunt. I've licked it and kissed it, It tastes like a chocolate biscuit. You can drive a Morris Minor, Right up her vagina. Under the title of "Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter," this is number 145 in Paul Woodford's collection of "Hash Hymns II" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1994). Like all other versions recovered, it is sung to the tune of "The Ash Grove."