The Sexual Life of the Camel Hubert Canfield had a two-stanza set of this in 1926 from Kansas City, Kansas, sung to the tune of "My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean." His correspondent, Allen B. Brown, wrote that the song was "sung by Harvard Law students, mostly grads from other schools, to annoy the regular Harvard men." [ C ] After long and exhaustive researches By Darwin and Huxley and Hall, It has been conclusively proven The hedgehog can't be buggered at all. After further exhaustive researches, It has been conclusively shown That comparative safety at Harvard Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone. [ D ] Another in the Canfield collection, under the title of "Hedgehog Song," is localized to Williams College, and is apparently sung to the tune of "Botany Bay": Let's sing to old Ephraim Williams Who found the school at Billville. When he went to his death by the Injuns He left all his boodle by will. Chorus: Singing touralie [pron: "i in bite" according to the ms.], uralie, yentee. Singing touralie-uralie-yay. Singing touralie-uralie-yentee. Singing touralie-uralie-yay. So, here's to old Ephraim Williams, And here's to the old Mohawk Trail, And here's to the Indian maiden Who gave him his first piece of tail. Exhaustive and painful researches By Darwin and Huxley and Hall Have conclusively proved that the hedgehog Can scarcely be buggered at all. But further experimentation Has incontrovertably shown That comparative safety at Harvard Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone. But alas! for the ass of the hedgehog! And alas! for the quills in his tail -- For when Harvard's culture's triumphant The resources of nature must fail. And here's to the girls of New Haven And here's to the streets that they roam, And here's to their children, goddam 'em -- Who knows, but they may be your own. [ E ] From tzf@LPL.Arizona.EDU Mon Jul 7 15:33:58 1997 Return-Path: Received: from parallax.LPL.Arizona.EDU (parallax.LPL.Arizona.EDU [128.196.145.137]) by almaak.usc.edu (8.8.4/8.8.4/usc) with SMTP id PAA07373 for ; Mon, 7 Jul 1997 15:33:56 -0700 (PDT) Received: by parallax.LPL.Arizona.EDU (SMI-8.6/SMI-SVR4) id PAA05023; Mon, 7 Jul 1997 15:33:13 -0700 Date: Mon, 7 Jul 1997 15:33:13 -0700 From: tzf@LPL.Arizona.EDU (Terry Friedman via parallax ) Message-Id: <199707072233.PAA05023@parallax.LPL.Arizona.EDU> To: cray@rcf.usc.edu Subject: Re: Christians X-Sun-Charset: US-ASCII Status: RO X-Status: A Ed, Since I'm new to the list I threw camel out as a teaser, since it might be old hat. Still not sure, since today's postings indicate that you're something of a collector, whether you're suggesting I put it up for all or you're just interested in possible variants. Please repost if you think it's something others might be interested in. I learned this from Dave Firestein a few years ago. I don't know what the source tune is (indeed, I suspect it changes a bit each time we sing it), but it's in 3/4. I've since seen it in some bawdy collections on my shelves, sometimes lacking the Lydia interlude (which seems to have slipped my mind too for the moment: what's there is approximate) The sexual life of the camel is stranger than anyone thinks when the camel starts to get passionate he starts to make love to the sphinx But the sphinx's celestial anatomy is crammed with the sands of the Nile Which accounts for the hump on the camel and the sphinx's inscrutable smile. Oh.... when Lydia goes to make water she shoots an incredible stream she pisses for hours and hours till you can't see the stars through the steam Which has nothing to do with the camel Or the ...... (?) But is only a (brief intermission) Till the chorus comes round once again: Oh.. The sexual life From tzf@LPL.Arizona.EDU Thu Jul 17 14:14:36 1997 Return-Path: Received: from parallax.LPL.Arizona.EDU (parallax.LPL.Arizona.EDU [128.196.145.137]) by almaak.usc.edu (8.8.4/8.8.4/usc) with SMTP id OAA22220 for ; Thu, 17 Jul 1997 14:14:35 -0700 (PDT) Received: by parallax.LPL.Arizona.EDU (SMI-8.6/SMI-SVR4) id OAA01605; Thu, 17 Jul 1997 14:13:23 -0700 Date: Thu, 17 Jul 1997 14:13:23 -0700 From: tzf@LPL.Arizona.EDU (Terry Friedman via parallax ) Message-Id: <199707172113.OAA01605@parallax.LPL.Arizona.EDU> To: cray@rcf.usc.edu Subject: Re: Sexual Life of the Camel X-Sun-Charset: US-ASCII Status: RO X-Status: A Ed, Read the rest of the $%^#*$^%$ message! Or am I just hallucinating that I already included answers - possibly unsatisfactory - with the song? Ok, in case my senility is at fault - I learned camel here in Tucson, from one Dave Firestein, mandolin player extraordinaire but camel seems to be the only thing he ever sings, usually as we're cleaning up after jams. Probably first heard him sing it in 1992, give or take a year or so. I dunno where he learned it, but it is in several published works. Tune: "The sexual life of the camel". If it's based on any earlier tune then it's one I don't know, or perhaps don't recognize in the current rendition. As I may have already said: it's always 3/4-ish (nominally: it's not accented as a waltz), but I suspect that the exact tune changes from month to month. Um, there isn't any problem fitting "Lydia" into the same melodic line as the rest of the song - the melody contours change slightly, but not drastically. That's all I can think of to say, short of writing it out, which isn't really a reasonable task for my email editor. terry [ F ] 2 Jun 1993 01:13 mJoseph C Fineman: >Canonical hedgehog list, first release I forgot to contribute the following old song: Exhaustive experimentation By Darwin & Huxley & Hall Has proved that the ass of the hedgehog Can scarcely be buggered at all. Subsequent investigation Has incontrovertibly shown That relative safety at Harvard Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone. In the process of syphilization >From anthropoid apes down to man, The prize is awarded to Harvard For fucking whatever it can. But the hedgehog, that tough little bastard, Has spines to protect it from rapes. Yet the Yale men have answered its challenge And now fuck it the way they do apes. Why don't they do up at Harvard What freshmen are doing at Yale? To successfully bugger the hedgehog, They shave all the quills off its tail. -- Joe Fineman jcf@world.std.com [ G ] 35. THE SEXUAL LIFE OF THE CAMEL Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean? (Take turns leading verses) The sexual life of the camel, Is stranger than anyone thinks, At the height of the mating season He tries to bugger the Sphinx. But the Sphinx's posterior sphincter Is clogged by the sands of the Nile, Which accounts for the hump on the camel, And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile. CHORUS: Singing, bum-titty, bum-titty, titty-bum, Bum-titty, bum-titty, aye. Singing, bum-titty, bum-titty, titty-bum, Bum-titty, bum-titty, aye. In the process of civilization, From the anthropoid ape down to man, It is generally held that the Navy Has buggered whatever it can, Yet recent extensive researches By Darwin and Huxley and Hall, Conclusively prove that the hedgehog Has never been buggered at all. We therefore believe our conclusion Is incontrovertibly shown, That comparative safety on shipboard Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone. Why haven't they done it at Spithead, As they've done it at Harvard and Yale, And also at Oxford and Cambridge, By shaving the spines off its tail? So come all you hashers, And to the occassion arise, Grab yourselves a hedgehog, And enjoy a real suprise. The following instructions, Will ensure you do not fail, Simply ream out its ass with a hosepipe, And shave the spines off its tail. The sexual life of the ostrich, Is hard to understand. At the height of the mating season, It buries its head in the sand, And if another ostrich finds it, Standing there with its ass in the air, Does it have the urge to grind it, Or doesn't it bloody well care? It was Christmas Eve in the harem, The eunuchs all standing there, A hundred dusky maidens, Combing their pubic hair. When along came Father Christmas, Striding down the marble halls, When he asked what they wanted for Christmas, The eunuchs all answered, "Our balls!" Oh, the old men were having a birthday, Standing at the bar, Thinking about the old times, Thinking back so far. When along came a youthful maiden, By Christ she was so fair, When she asked what they'd like for their birthday, The old men all shouted, "Hair!" My name is Cecil, I come from Leicester Square, I wear open-toed sandals, And a rosebud in my hair. For we're all queers together, Excuse us while we go upstairs, For we're all queers together, That's why we all go out in pairs. My name is Basil, My friend's name is Bond, When we go out together, They call us Basilden Bond. For we're all queers together, Excuse us while we go upstairs, For we're all queers together, That's why we go out in pairs. I went for a ride on a "Puff Puff," I found I had to stand, A little boy offered me his seat, So I went for it with my hand. For we're all queers together, Excuse us while we go upstairs, For we're all queer together, That's why we go out in pairs. From Paul Woodford, "Hash Songs II" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1994)