149.  MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
Melody--Itself

One night in gay Par-ee,
I paid five francs to see
A big fat French lady,
Tattooed from head to knee.
And on her jaw was a British man-of-war,
And on her back was a Union Jack,
So I paid five francs more,
And running up and down her spine
Was the Bangkok Hash in line,
And on her lily-white bum
Was a picture of the rising sun,
And on her fanny
Was Al Jolson singing Mammy,
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.

I loves my mother-in-law,
She's nothing but a dirty old whore,
She nags me day and night,
And I can't do fuck-all right,
She's coming home today,
But I hope she stays away,
Now isn't it a pity,
She's only one titty,
And she's in the family way.
Last night I greased the stairs,
Put thumbtacks on the chairs,
I hope she breaks her back,
Because I do love wearing black.

She drinks all my brandy,
And makes my dog feel randy,
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.

From Paul Woodford, "Hash Hymns II" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1994)