The Chisholm Trail

[ D ]

I fucked her standing and I fucked her lying,
And if I'd had wings I'd have fucked her flying.

Oh, I took her by the hand and I spun her all around,
And I fucked her seven times before she hit the ground.

Oh, I took her by the hand, and I laid her in the grass,
And I rammed ten inches up her damned old ass.

Oh, I fucked her on the floor and up against the wall,
And I fucked her in the shithouse, the damnedest place of all.

Oh, I wouldn't fuck a nigger; I'll be damned if I would.
Their hair's all kinky and their cunt's no good.

	This is from the Hubert Canfield collection of 1926, offered by a correspondent who distinguished it from another two-stanza ditty he called "Cowboy Song."   

Oh, I jumped on my horse and I rode around the herd,
And I ate my dinner off an old cow turd.

I went to the boss to get my pay roll,
And I galloped downtown to get some tallow on my pole.

Though there are no identifying choruses given, "Cowboy Song" appears to be "Chisholm Trail" or "Gonna Tie My Pecker to My Leg" once more.
The common finger-ring/promised-land verse -- also used in "Bang, Bang Lulu" -- floats independently.  See Randolph-Legman, I, pp. 196-198.

[ E ]

Oh, I started for Kansas City on November 23rd,
And I tell you, boys, we had a mighty big herd.
	Singing', "Ti-yi-yippy-yippy-yay."

Oh, I stepped up to his daughter and I handed her a quarter,
Says she, "Kind sir, I'm a gentleman's daughter."
	Singing', "Ti-yi-yippy-yippy-yay."

Oh, I stepped up to her, placed a dollar in her hand,
Says she, "Kind sir, will you drove Tom's stand?" [sic]
	Singing', "Ti-yi-yippy-yippy-yay."

Oh, I caught her on the waist, and I threw her on th grass,
And I showed her the wiggle of a cowboy's ass.
	Singing', "Ti-yi-yippy-yippy-yay."

With my pecker in my hand, I grabbed a heifer by the tail,
And I showed her the way of a long [sic] star trail. 
	Singing', "Ti-yi-yippy-yippy-yay."

	Sung by William Bigford of Portland, Michigan, to Paul Gifford of Flint, Michigan, prior to 1982.  For a biography of Bigford, see "Gilderoy" below.

Paul Gifford

 has forwarded a message posted on the newsgroup rec.music.country.old-time
 on November 14, 1996, from Dave Douglass <banjo@best.com>noting he had heard 

"two different bawdy ways to sing the chorus to the 'Old Chisolm
   Trail' (both collected in Texas).  One is, 'Had to tie my pecker to my leg,
 to my leg' and the other is, 'Had to tie my root 'round a tree, 'round a
 tree.'"









  Clearly the epic survives in oral tradition.